Original subtitles

[Gidget narrating] In English

composition, my teacher's always nagging us

not to use clichés.

And I suppose she's right as rain,

but I'm finding out clichés have a lot of truth in them.

Like those who have, get.

Or haste... makes waste.

It's always darkest... before the dawn.

And three's definitely a crowd,

especially when number three happens

to be your boyfriend's father.

I hope you two are as hungry as I am.

Gee, Dad, you just went to get a package of gum.

Well, hot dogs, potato chips, uh, dill pickles,

root beer, popcorn and ice cream.

Did I forget anything? The gum.

I'll get it later. Come on, let's, uh-- Let's live it up.

Hey, I can't remember the last time I had this much fun.

The three of us are going to have

to plan more things together.

I'm ready for anything.

You, uh, feeling any better, Dad? I'm fine.

Maybe it was that last dill pickle.

Or the one before that.

He looks so pink. Maybe he's got a fever. It's sunburn.

Uh, you think, uh, maybe we should, uh, go, Dad?

Well, if, uh, you two have had enough.

We'll, uh, come earlier and stay longer next time.

♪ [jazzy pop]

♪ If you're in doubt about angels ♪

♪ Being real

♪ I can arrange to change

♪ Any doubts you feel

♪ Wait till you see my Gidget ♪

♪ You'll want her for your valentine ♪

♪ You're gonna say she's all that you adore ♪

♪ But stay away Gidget is spoken for ♪

♪ You're gonna find that Gidget is ♪

♪ Mine ♪

You're awful quiet.

I don't know how to act when it's just the two of us.

Oh, you're still teed off about my

dad fouling up our day at the beach.

I don't mind having to leave the beach so much.

But the three of us going to a drive-in movie?

I'm sorry, Gidge. I know you missed a

lot of the picture from where you were.

Well, all three of us couldn't sit in the front seat.

- Next time-- - Next time?

Honestly, when you came into first period

today, I expected to see your dad with you.

I know how you feel, Gidget, but I know how Dad feels too.

He thinks he didn't spend enough time with me when I was a kid,

so now he's making up for it.

Boy, is he making up.

Since your mother went to visit her sister,

you and your dad have been like Siamese twins.

He wants us to be pals. I-- I have pals.

What I'd really like is a father.

Yeah. Like other fathers. Like my father.

Toby, your dad and mine are good friends, right?

The best.

Maybe if I told my dad about our problem--

No, Gidge. I thought about that.

But how would my dad feel

if he found out I was asking his friends how to get rid of him?

Well, it wouldn't be like that. No.

My dad can be very subtle. I know.

Promise me you won't mention a word of this to your father.

You might let it slip without meaning to,

and, well, I don't want to see my dad hurt.

Yeah. Fathers are fragile.

If, uh, you don't want to date me

anymore, Gidget, I'll-- I'll understand.

Don't be ridiculous.

I'm not going to let your father come between us.

There's got to be a way that we can work this out somehow.

If there were only someone else we could talk it over with.

Yeah. They ought to have "parent guidance" centers.

It would have to be somebody who

could look at it from the outside.

Yeah. Like a minister or a doctor or-- Or a psychologist.

A psychologist.

♪ [music box]

Ah. Oh, hi. Hi.

♪ [stops] Am I interrupting something important?

A little experiment on the correlation

of auditory distractions...

and reaction time in a normal adult male. You?

It can have far-reaching implications.

And I thought you were playing a game of jacks. [chuckles]

What brings you to these hollowed halls of science?

I was hoping you could give me some advice.

All right, Gidget. What's the gag?

No gag. This happens to be a very serious matter.

You are seriously asking me for advice on a serious matter?

Yeah. I'm desperate. What's your problem?

It's not really my problem. Well, in a way, I guess it is.

You see, I have this friend who has this father.

Oh. So you want my advice for this friend.

Yeah. My friend's father is working

24 hours a day at being a pal.

Always around? Always.

He has this idea he has to make up for a lot my friend has lost.

We're dealing with a sensitive man. Very.

Here. Sit down. My friend doesn't

want to hurt his feelings.

A very difficult situation.

But this is why your friend can't just speak to the father.

Mm, exactly. He tries so hard to do everything

he thinks will make my friend happy.

This situation is not uncommon though. No?

No. It's a very difficult phase in the adult male's life.

Listen, it can be pretty difficult for the children too.

[chuckles]

Incidentally, I don't happen to know this friend of yours, do I?

Well, kind of. But I promised not to tell. Naturally.

Uh, there are reasons. Oh, there usually are.

If it was up to me, but, of course, it isn't. I understand.

Maybe later on, when things have

settled down. Then he won't mind. Okay?

Well, actually, names aren't really important.

Symptoms.

Patterns. That's what counts!

Now, Gidget, I want you to stop worrying about this.

I'm going to give it some thought

and try to come up with an answer... for your friend.

Swell. And, John,

if you ever want to run an experiment

on a normal, immature female,

I'll be glad to come over and play jacks with you.

Bye.

Isn't it possible she really was asking for a friend?

[chuckles]

Anne, that's the most obvious cover-up in the world.

"I have this friend who"-- You know that as well as I do.

Gidget and Dad do spend a lot of time together,

but I always thought she enjoyed that.

She's gone along because she just doesn't want to hurt him.

Hey, but if we tell Dad-- Absolutely not.

In the first place, he wouldn't believe us.

And if he did, he'd go right to Gidget and ask her about it.

So what's wrong with that?

Anne. She would naturally have to deny

that she was talking about herself.

She'd fall back on the same

dodge. "I have this friend who"--

Oh, but Dad and Gidget have always been

so straightforward with each other.

This problem calls for an oblique approach.

The last time you tried that, it almost broke up our marriage.

This is different.

I'm going to draw Russ away from Gidget...

without his knowing what I'm doing or why.

Okay. As long as you know what you're doing.

You selected me as a volunteer?

The last time I checked my dictionary,

"volunteer" meant to offer to do something of one's own accord.

I was sure you'd offer when you realized

how vital it is. How vital is it?

I have to complete all my experimental

research on my term project this week,

and I don't have a suitable terminal subject.

There must be dozens of people you could ask.

Not with the right qualifications.

This particular subject has to be a

mature male with exceptional sensitivity,

emotional stability and a high I.Q.

Mm-hmm. And just what sort of an experiment is this?

It's the application of emotional

and physical stresses...

and their correlation to motor and

mental effectiveness. Oh, that.

You'll be getting me out of a jam, but that's not all.

This experiment can have far-reaching implications.

You'll be doing your part to further the advancement...

of the frontier of scientific knowledge.

Well, if you'd given me a little more warning. Russ...

I'm only asking for a few evenings of your time.

When would we start? Tonight.

I plan to play poker tonight. Oh, I'm sorry.

Obviously, my future and the future of

your daughter doesn't mean much to you.

Well, we don't want you to give up poker

or any of your other pleasures for us.

Forget us. Enjoy yourself.

Since you put it that way-- and I might have known you would--

All right. I'll be your guinea pig.

Gidget, great news. The pressure's off.

- Your mother's home. - No.

Your father's gone to be with her?

No. Dad's still here.

But, uh, you and I are gonna have

a whole evening all to ourselves.

Just the two of us?

Just you, me-- no more, no less.

Oh, dreamy. Well, how did you work it out?

- I mean, what-- - [Russ] I am doing it for Anne's future.

What happened with the third side of the triangle?

You know, we were talking about maybe having your dad call him?

Francie. Hang on.

Our service has been temporarily interrupted.

I hope you feed your guinea pigs well. [chuckling]

How long is it gonna take you to find out

what happened to the third side of that triangle?

Two minutes. Fine. Then I need the phone.

No wonder you lost the third side-- doing

your geometry homework on the phone?

[clicks tongue] Okay, Toby, go on.

Well, strictly on his own, my dad called your dad,

and the two of them are gonna play poker tonight.

Oh. Perfect.

So, I'll, uh, pick you up about 7:30.

And don't panic when you see my dad.

He's going to the game with your father.

Okay. Wonderful. I'll see you at 7:30. Bye.

[sighs] Phone's clear!

[chuckles] Thanks, honey.

What's that for? Oh, can't a girl just show her appreciation?

For what? For everything.

Oh, Gidge, I'm going to be out tonight. I know.

[doorbell rings] I'll get it!

Hi. Come on in. Hi. Thank you.

I'll tell Dad you're here. Uh, Gidge--

He's probably getting some last-minute

practice with his marked deck.

Your dad and I aren't going to the poker game.

You're not?

No. Your, uh, dad canceled out.

He did?

Something came up unexpectedly.

So you're going to the game without him, right?

I, uh, thought about it.

But you decided it would be more fun

to spend the evening with Toby and me.

Right. After all, we can't break up the three musketeers.

All for one and, uh, one for all.

Right. Let's go.

There you are. Thank you.

Well, this thing is awfully

heavy. Just take your time. Okay?

Okay.

Oh, Toby, I'll never be able to do this.

Sure you will. You're just all tensed up. Relax. Okay? Okay.

Sorry.

Uh, I think it's, uh, the way you're supporting the rifle.

Yeah? Here, let me show you. Support it like, uh, this.

Like this? No. More like this.

Oh. That's right. And then just, uh, squeeze the trigger.

That's right. See? Oh. I think so.

I think you better show me again. Okay.

No, no, no. Let an old pro take

over. It'll save us a lot of time.

Oh, I'm no in no hurry. You hold it

up here. No, up here a little more.

That's it. And here and here. Yeah.

Now, now eye on the target.

Eye on the target, dear.

Hey, look at that! Did you see that?

I ask you, who's the teacher? Oh, you are, Dad.

♪ [music box]

Very good.

Are you sure this is furthering the

frontiers of scientific research?

Of course. Now, we'll do the same

thing with a non-preferred hand.

My left hand? Uh-huh. That's the stress factor, you see.

♪ [stops]

[childlike] Shall I start on my onesies?

No. I think we can leap right into twosies.

Try again.

Hi. Hi.

You were out awfully late last night. Yeah.

I got hung up on my fivesies.

Your what?

Nothing.

Did you have a good time? Mm-hmm.

I learned how to shoot a rifle at McGowan's shooting gallery.

Well, that sounds like a constructive evening.

Yeah. Learning could be fun with

fewer people around. Big crowd, huh?

A crowd's a crowd no matter how many people are in it.

That strikes me as profound, but then my

judgment is never very good before 9:00.

Yeah. About tonight-- I'll be out again.

Yeah, so will I. Well, stay out of crowds.

No chance. We take our crowd with us.

[sighs] [clocks ticking]

How am I supposed to concentrate on

chess in the middle of a clock factory?

The time limit on each move and

your awareness of time passing...

is the stress factor in this phase.

[alarm ringing]

[alarm stops]

[ticking continues]

[sighs] Interesting.

- Why aren't your moves timed? - I'm not being tested.

Well, if you're not testing yourself,

why don't you make just any move?

Are you in a hurry?

Not particularly.

But I think I should remind you that

it's been scientifically established...

that the average life expectancy for

a man my age is only 29 more years.

Okay. Now, you kids know better than to

park up here. Oh, uh, we're not parked.

What would you call it? Uh, we're stalling.

That I believe. No. She means we're stalled.

You see, we were taking the short-cut home from our date...

and the engine died, and then I flooded it.

So now we're just waiting a couple of

minutes before we try to start it again.

- That's a good story. - It happens to be the truth.

- And who are you? - I'm the boy's father.

As my son said, we were taking our

date home, and the engine died.

Well, why do you find that so hard to believe?

Dad, as of now, I'm ready to believe anything.

Darling, if you don't hurry,

you're going to be late for class.

In a good cause. Here.

Ah. Will you be home tonight?

No. I'm going to meet Russ at 7:00. Again?

Anne, I'm guaranteeing Gidget a life of her own.

Yes, but look what you're doing to our lives.

[muffled] This is no time to be selfish.

Anne, as soon as I break the pattern

of your father's dependence on Gidget,

I'll get back to you again.

Oh, why, thank you.

You've absolutely made my morning.

Now we have a record of your

marksmanship without the stress factor.

Why do you keep looking around?

Gidget said she was in here the other

night. I thought I might see her.

Forget Gidget.

I'm sure she thinks I have. I've hardly seen her all week.

You're doing something much more

important-- functioning as my guinea pig.

And I'm sick of it.

Good guinea pigs just do as they're told.

How would you like to get yourself another guinea pig?

Chickening out?

No. What am I supposed to do?

Just try to hit the target.

With my non-preferred hand?

No. Then where's the stress?

The repressed hostility you feel for the experimenter.

I'll, uh, take you home in a few minutes, Gidge.

Oh, that's okay. I'm enjoying myself. Just the two of us.

It'd even be nicer if I wasn't so tired.

Yeah. Dad sure has a lot of energy.

Yeah. But he finally did give up.

This is nice. Yeah.

It must be the way parents feel when they

finally get their little kiddies to bed.

Yeah. Only just when you get comfortable, one of them yells.

Yeah. "We're scared of the

dark." "I want a drink of water."

Yeah. And then the poor parents have to jump.

Toby! Gidget!

Surprise. [chuckles]

I, uh, I couldn't get to sleep.

So I finally decided I was hungry.

And if I was hungry, you must be hungry too. So, here we are.

Dad, you-- you shouldn't have. You really shouldn't have.

- Hi. - Oh, hi, John--

Thought I might hear from you. You know, a word of thanks.

For what?

Well, you know, the situation with your

friend. The father who was always around.

I guess you've noticed a big

difference the last few days. Yeah.

- It's been a lot worse. - Worse? How could it be?

Well, if it isn't target shooting

lessons, it's a midnight supper.

He works around the clock at it.

He sure does.

Thanks anyway, John.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll talk to you later.

- Bye. - [line clicks]

It's incredible.

Your father leaves me, and he rushes

home and teaches her how to use a rifle.

What every young girl should know.

I have to face it. My oblique approach has failed.

I'm going to tell Russ the truth.

Hey, you look very nice.

Well, how sweet of you to notice.

Hey, uh, why don't we go out to dinner

and then afterwards maybe go to a show?

But I thought you were breaking the news to Dad?

That will only take about 10 minutes.

Then after that, you and I can--

Sorry, but I have other plans.

Other plans?

Mm-hmm. A little experiment of my own.

How does a wife compensate for a

husband who's forgotten she's alive?

Good-bye.

[door opens, closes] Anne.

Daddy, if I told you you were trying too hard to be a pal...

and asked you to relax and let me live

my own life, would you be crushed?

Mm, I might be dented a little, but I'd survive.

If I did feel that way, you'd want to know about it?

I mean, you wouldn't want me to pretend? Of course not.

Do you feel that way? No!

Well-- I'm talking about this friend who has this father.

Well, you don't live my life for me.

In fact, I've hardly seen you lately.

Well, no one's seen me lately.

Well, almost no one. Except John. John?

You've been spending all this time with John? Yes.

You'd think he'd been paid to keep

me out of circulation. [chuckles]

Wait a minute. Huh?

Did you by any chance mention to John that

you had this friend who has the father?

Uh, I'll never learn.

"The shortest distance between two points

is the longest way around." John's Law.

- Hello. - Hello. Uh, Mel, this is Russ.

Yeah. Look, I'm sorry I had to cancel out on the poker,

but how about going bowling tonight?

Tonight? I'd intended to spend the evening with my son.

Well--

"I have this friend who"?

Mel, will you take a tip from a

father who has a very smart daughter?

Sure.

Live your own life. Let the kids live theirs.

But a father feels a responsibility.

To be a father. When he needs you

as a parent, he'll let you know.

Maybe you're right.

You know, I've been having so much

fun with Toby since Meg's been away,

I'm-- I'm all tensed up.

You wouldn't believe the physical

and emotional stress I've been under.

Yeah, come by about 7:30. Right.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, hi, John. Hi, Gidget.

After tonight, you'll have no more problems. About what?

You know, the father-- the friend

who-- Oh, that's all settled.

Since when? This afternoon.

But how? I thought you said-- I appreciate your interest.

But I found out it really didn't concern

you after all. [doorbell rings]

Hi. Hi. Come on in.

All set? Yeah. Dad, Professor Whitley's here!

Have a good time, you two. Bye.

[Russ] Bye, Gidget. There go a couple of active kids.

Hi, Mel. Oh, John, I meant to phone you. Hi.

I'm tied up tonight, going bowling with Mel.

It's been a while. My, uh, shoulders are a little stiff.

Well, I've got this trick knee-- We understand each other.

- What about me? - [Russ] You go home to your wife.

She's the one that took you for better or worse.

Anne's not home.

Hey, listen, why don't we stop and I'll

change my clothes and go bowling with you?

John, after what I've been through,

if you and I were on a sinking ship

and there were only one lifeboat,

I would seriously consider swimming.

[Gidget narrating] Like I was saying,

there's a lot of truth in clichés.

You take a cliché like, "Half the

fun of knowing is in the learning."

I'm willing to go along with that.

I can't understand it. That time Dad

showed you, you did it perfectly.

I guess you'll just have to show me again.

Okay. I hope this isn't boring you.

Oh, I don't mind. Now your hands go like this.

Like this? Uh-huh.

[Gidget narrating] In fact, you

can make that more than half the fun.

Make it 90%.