Original subtitles

[Gidget narrating] Surfing is a sport...

which demands devotion, skill, patience,

and, if at all possible, a boy. [no Audible dialogue]

A boy responsive to your every whim.

Bret! I'm sorry, but anybody can wipe out!

Yeah. But when you go, you take me with you.

And vice-versa. [exclaims]

Oh, Bret, this is the place--

Perfection. And look at the surf.

Yeah. Absolute privacy and no people.

And you found it for us. Hail to the leader.

[grunts] [squeals]

[Gidget narrating] It was sort of a-- a paradise,

and we had it all to ourselves...

for nearly two hours.

And then the invasion hit the beach--

Our beach.

[no Audible dialogue]

Bret welcomed them.

Hey, get lost, chums! This is private property, Larry.

Oh, what do ya know? I thought it was a public ocean.

Oh, yeah, sure. Anybody is welcome to drown in it.

After a little conversation, the boys

decided to discuss the whole thing...

while they were surfing-- in a polite, reasonable way.

That is, sort of reasonable.

Well, not exactly polite.

More like murderous.

There was a brief discussion.

Look, Bennet. The way I see it,

there's always room for one less.

So go, Wilcox. You got my permission to depopulate.

Which got briefer...

but more active.

[horn honking]

And then all of a sudden, the plug was pulled...

on all of us.

Which proves that the best things

in life are free-- such as quarrels,

not to mention feuds.

♪ [jazzy pop]

♪ If you're in doubt about angels ♪

♪ Being real

♪ I can arrange to change

♪ Any doubts you feel

♪ Wait till you see my Gidget ♪

♪ You'll want her for your valentine ♪

♪ You're gonna say she's all that you adore ♪

♪ But stay away Gidget is spoken for ♪

♪ You're gonna find that Gidget is ♪

♪ Mine ♪

Hamburger, hamburger, cheeseburger,

dog with, dog without, fresh yogurt frappé.

Oh, Bret, what's wrong with sharing the wealth?

What, with a loudmouth? Never happen.

Hey, Larry, we were just saying that we--

That there's nothing more to say.

Go fetch food, woman.

What do you do for an encore? You kick dogs or something?

Are you volunteering?

You want to try unleashing me, wheat germ?

Hey, fellas, what about some music?

It's on the house.

Make a selection.

[screaming, shouting] ♪ [jukebox: rock]

As I see it, the problem is in finding a peaceful solution.

Sure. How about drowning 'em all?

Men! Janet, you and Jody have

been going steady for a long time.

Did you try talking him into a truce? Uh-huh.

- What did Jody say? - Uh-uh.

That's what Bret said, only louder and longer.

A great private beach with wild surf--

But all off-limits while our heroes play war games.

- Maybe if we explain-- - Huh!

In my experience, boys only listen to

you when they're hungry or lonesome.

I've got a flash.

What's more important to a boy-- surfing or us?

[chuckles] You kidding? Let me put it another way.

I mean, what if we all just wiped them out?

No dates, no company, not even a cold hello

until they call a truce and share the beach.

What if they don't? I mean, I tried educating

Art once,and I ended up with two choices:

total defeat or unconditional surrender.

Yeah, but if we all stuck together,

it would be like starvation.

- They'd have to give in. - Hmm.

From Janet, that's wild

enthusiasm. What do you say, kids?

Sure. They deserve the worst! At the least!

But the soonest!

[phone rings]

[yelps] Hello.

Oh, hi, Karen. What?

I know you go out together every Wednesday night,

but that doesn't make it a tradition.

Well, this is total war. Tell him the terms.

Out of the trenches by Christmas,

or you're just not available.

Sure, I mean it.

Do you think I'd ask you to do anything we're all not doing?

Attagirl.

Hang tough.

One of your troops?

As a civilian living in the combat zone,

I've been hearing you all afternoon.

It's of the highest motives, Daddy. You

see, the boys are tangled up in, oh, a feud,

and we're gonna bring 'em back to

their senses. By refusing them dates?

Exactly. Cunning?

Gidge, let me give you a short lecture on power politics.

It's all based on McGonigle's Law:

Anything that can possibly go wrong will.

Well, we've got this all worked out. Daddy, it's basic.

The only thing that's basic about

human beings is unpredictability.

You've taken on a big responsibility here.

If this scheme of yours works, everybody'll take the credit.

If it collapses, you'll take the blame.

Daddy, believe me-- I believe you, but what about Bret?

He's a very stubborn boy. But he is a boy,

and that means the odds are with me, instinctively.

Well, anyway, he's coming over tonight for a summit meet.

And I'm gonna explain it all to him-- kindly but firmly.

What?

Well, it's only logic, Bret.

I mean, you guys are behaving like a

bunch of children, feuding over a beach.

Look, all we want is for you and Larry to cool it.

Back down? You're always claiming

to have such a logical mind.

You eat health foods. You're

going to medical school. So what?

So you're behaving in a childish,

emotional, irrational manner!

And either all of you stop it, or-- or no dates.

No dates?

Like, no dates?

Exactly.

It's a matter of principle.

Principle? You're just butting in.

I am not! You're just ashamed to admit

that you got mad at Larry Bennet.

Oh, I'm not mad at Larry anymore. No?

[chuckles] No. Really?

Yeah. Now I'm mad at you!

Hey, Larue! Hey.

Hey, there's a triple bill. It's called The Ghoul's Way,

The Mummy Screams and Beach Party Vampire.

What do you say? You just wiped out, beach boy.

Hey, Darcy! All of a sudden, what's with you anyway?

Away, fighter. I don't mingle with the combat troops.

You keep coming around that same curve.

It's up to you and Bret Wilcox. Can't you patch up the leak?

What, with old wheat germ? Huh! Let him crawl.

Then stick to your feud, Larrykins.

It's all you've got.

[speaking Japanese]

[Japanese]

Kamikaze.

I tell you, girls, they're on the run.

I hope so. I'm having withdrawal symptoms.

Kicking a boyfriend cold turkey is not good for the soul.

By the weekend, they'll be crying for peace.

So we're all losin' our toes to

frostbite, right? It's a cold fact.

We gotta do something. I'm

getting chilled in two languages.

Boy, that surf is gonna be booming

tomorrow. Maybe we could divide up.

Let's meet down at the cove tomorrow and negotiate.

[giggling] Now, remember,

we'll just wander in in a gracious,

casual, victorious sort of way.

And you really deserve the credit,

Gidge. You held us together.

I think we ought to work up a medal or something. Oh, no.

A small testimonial scroll will do.

"To Gidget. For skill, intelligence,

poise, masterful tactics."

[laughing] Come on!

Hi, ladies. Welcome to the beach.

But I'm afraid the best locations are taken.

[Gidget narrating] Sometimes fate just

caves everything right in on top of you.

Then there's just one thing to do-- stand tall.

Look trouble right in the eye and don't... blink?

[seagulls squawking]

[Gidget narrating] I'd just discovered something.

The really big problem in running

an army is, when there's a defeat,

you just can't stand to look

your troops in the eye afterward.

I told you, this view is a gas.

Right you are, Larue. It's strictly broad gauge--

I mean, wide, wide screen.

It makes you realize how simply petty human problems are.

Like, who can remember them after 10 minutes?

Except food. Mm-hmm. Hey, food.

Thanks.

I mean, thanks.

That's okay. That was a spare sandwich.

That was Patty Cromwell on the beach with her hooks in Bret.

[Larue] Sure, Patty and a whole crew

of girl raiders from Pacific High.

We were thinking-- What if we just

sat down and prayed for a tidal wave?

No.

I'm taking a very personal interest in Patty Cromwell.

Where'd you get it? From Bernard, the biology brain.

I borrowed it... for a scientific experiment.

Gidget, I still don't know what you're gonna do. Larue, think.

Humble me is going to visit triumphant

P. Cromwell, girl werewolf, right?

Right. And this is a needle, right?

Right. Well, what else?

I'm going to give it to her.

[doorbell rings]

Hi, Patty. I came over hoping we might talk.

Why not? Why don't we go up to my pad? Okay.

Step into the trophy room, Gidget.

Now, why don't you tell me what this is all about?

About Bret-- congratulations.

Well, that's pretty broad gauge of

you, Gidget. Well, I can face facts.

Fact: I goofed.

So I figured I might as well be sporting about it.

Here. Here what?

[sniffles]

I'm sorry.

It's just that everything in here has--

Has memories for me.

Bret's ring.

His football sweater, miles too big for me.

- Oh, I'll cut it down to fit. - His picture.

Keep it. We'll have another one taken.

What's that? What?

Oh, his hypodermic needle.

Hypodermic needle?

- Bret? For what? - He didn't tell you?

Well, I guess it is kind of an intimate thing.

And you know Bret-- sensitive.

He must've been ashamed. Poor boy.

- Ashamed of what? - His condition.

You see, Bret has this very serious vitamin deficiency.

He has to take shots regularly, especially if he overexerts.

So we have to keep this handy just

in case. Here. It's yours now.

But I don't know how to use one, Gidget.

What kind of a vitamin deficiency?

He's had it for years. It's lingering and very obscure.

[gasps] I can see you understand, Patty.

Of course-- Of course, Bret never mentions it, naturally.

Naturally. He's very brave.

All the time pretending to lead a normal

life no matter what the risks are.

But-- But he's halfback on the varsity team,

and he's a champion surfer, and he's on the track team.

I said he was brave. And you must be brave too.

And you must help him keep his secret. You

must watch over him-- sort of mother him.

Here.

Someday, this might mean the difference between life...

and death.

Hey, Patty, what is it with you? Can't you stand to be more

- Well, I just want to stand by. - [Gidget] Hi!

How is everything, you know, going? Mm-hmm.

Just fine. Good.

Here. I brought you your fortified sunflower seeds...

and the rest of your vitamin capsules.

We know how important your vitamins are.

Absolutely. The body has to have a proper vitamin balance.

I'm very careful about that.

Oh, you have to be, and I'm gonna help you.

My responsibility, too, now. I'm gonna look after you.

- I don't need a nurse. - Well, of course not.

Not exactly. Well, toodles!

Bret, you mustn't run yourself out!

Will you quit managing my life?

Well, I know what's right for you, Bret.

A little quiet would be just fine for a start.

[Gidget narrating] In case of a disagreement,

there's absolutely nothing like...

frankly discussing the issues... to turn it into total war.

This is the last time I take pity

on a-- a-- Listen, don't say it.

I wouldn't dream of being so cruel.

Uhh. You woke me up. I don't know

what's gotten into her, Gidget.

All of a sudden, she's trying to mother me or something.

No! Well, that's the way the foam fades.

You know, Gidget, uh-- I forgive you.

For what? Well, do we have to list everything?

As far as I'm concerned, it's all forgotten.

I'll give you another chance-- one!

And only because of your condition.

What condition?

Bret! I know about your secret.

[quietly] What?

Hey, Bret. Listen to that ginger surf.

No, no, no. Patty, what are you talking about?

This. That?

- Yes! - What?

It! Your personal hypodermic needle.

Gidget, well, sort of passed it on to me-- as a trust.

- Gidget? - As a matter of fact--

I would've walked right out on you, Bret,

except for the way Gidget explained it all to me.

So you have a vitamin deficiency. Well,

what's so terrible about all that?

Nobody's perfect. But you feel you have to be very athletic...

and-- and masterful and everything, and--

And you overcompensate.

Well, actually, it's just that Bret

is so-- so concerned about health.

Oh, no, no. It's very serious.

- My hypo. My beloved needle. - Bret!

With its sharp, sharp point.

[yelping]

[Gidget narrating] Well, I may have won the Battle of the Bret,

but, in three days, I haven't gotten near

enough to him to negotiate the armistice.

[doorbell rings] Oh.

[groans]

Glad to see you too.

Larue, don't be frivolous.

You're looking at a fractured woman, unable to eat, sleep.

A woman considering the ultimate solution.

What ultimate solution? What else?

Getting a new boyfriend. Still nothing with Bret, huh?

Unless you call trying to run me down with his car something.

Well, it's a sign of interest.

I was behind him in the parking lot. He didn't even see me.

A meaningless sort of run down. Grim.

That looks interesting. Cheese, tongue, peanut butter,

spaghetti, pumpernickel on the bottom, angel food on the top.

It's my heartbreak special. Want a bite?

Very smooth. You know, Bret's upset too.

No. He goes to the cove every weekend morning, early,

and he doesn't surf.

No.

He just leans on his surfboard and

looks out to sea, thoughtfully.

Like tomorrow morning, for instance, 7:00 a.m.

That's a very creative sandwich. Here. It's yours.

Where are you going? To set my alarm.

Oh, hi, Gidget. Oh, Bret. I didn't see you here.

I often come out here early in the morning

to think, watch the surf and... think.

Yeah, me too.

Bret, are you still mad at me?

Mad at you? No.

It's just that I didn't think anybody

knew about me-- my condition, I mean.

But I guess you being so close to me, you guessed.

Oh, yes! In a way.

My mother didn't tell you or anything?

Oh, no, no. Your condition?

Mm-hmm. It's not really a vitamin deficiency.

You were just guessing, weren't you?

Yes, yes, guessing. What is it?

Well, you probably figured out why I'm going to medical school.

There's no cure for it now.

But I thought, if I had enough time,

maybe-- maybe I could find one.

Bret, what is it?

It's impaired terminal circulation.

Right now, it's just my hands and feet that go numb--

Unless, of course, I'm very active.

And that's why I go out for sports so much.

Oh, your poor hands. Well, they-- they are cold.

Right now it's just my hands and my feet.

But in a few years-- my arms, my legs...

and then eventually, well, the end.

Unless, of course, they pass a medical miracle.

Oh, they will. I know they will.

Well, they've conquered everything.

I know a doctor will find a cure.

- Well, how do you feel now? - Right now?

Well, it's my feet.

They have that funny, numb, no-feeling feeling.

I massage them sometimes. It helps.

Oh, let me. Let me. How does that feel?

Oh, better, better.Can you rub a little

harder? I'm beginning to feel something.

What do you feel? Oh, better. Much, much better.

I may even live.

You know, you have a touch, Gidget,

that's unknown to medical science.

[cackles] You scrag!

You blick worthy, weaseling wipeout!

- All square? - [laughing]

[Gidget narrating] What could I

say? I ruined him. He wiped me out.

All even.

Except, considering Patty Cromwell

and one thing and another,

I was a little more even than he was.

Bret's? Mm-hmm.

I have it on a long-term loan. It's kind of a symbol.

Of what exactly?

My retiring from being a four-star

general and returning to civilian life.

Later.

[Gidget narrating] And the big moral is:

It's a lot easier to start a war than end it.

Anyway, I decided that in the war between

men and women, I'd stick to personal combat.

I figured that from now on, I'd

practice meeting the enemy face-to-face.

That way, you get all the fun and none of the fallout.