Original subtitles

[Gidget narrating] I have an absolute

ironclad rule about no blind dates,

but rules are made to be broken.

Believe it or not, he was Larue's first cousin.

He was from out of town and also out of this world.

At least it seemed that way until--

Five regular...

and one junior.

♪ [jazzy pop]

♪ If you're in doubt about angels ♪

♪ Being real

♪ I can arrange to change

♪ Any doubts you feel

♪ Wait till you see my Gidget ♪

♪ You'll want her for your valentine ♪

♪ You're gonna say she's all that you adore ♪

♪ But stay away Gidget is spoken for ♪

♪ You're gonna find that Gidget is ♪

♪ Mine ♪

[Gidget narrating] When your father is

only the best-looking English professor

at UCLA,

you've gotta be prepared for at

least one coed crush per semester.

Hi. Oh, hi. Oh, hello, Gidget.

[Gidget narrating] I get a kick

out of it usually, but, tonight,

I'm in no mood to be gushed over.

Keep up the good work. Oh, I will. I really will.

Hello, Gidget.

Sometimes it's not too bad a deal.

Like the one that was such a good

knitter-- sweaters, socks, you name it.

I bet I've got the only hand-knit

tennis racket cover on the West Coast.

This one bakes.

I don't know how Cary Grant and I stand it.

No more blind dates if you live to be

125 and the phone never rings again.

126. Seemed like a nice boy.

Nice?

The Grand Canyon is cute. The Mona Lisa is sweet.

World War II was noisy. Nice?

So?

So-- So he's a smooth, sophisticated New Yorker,

and I'm me.

Let's talk about something else.

All right. How are the cookies?

Boy, she's really got it bad. There must

be a pound of butter in each one of them.

Mary's a nice youngster. Don't say "youngster."

Fine, but there is quite a difference

in age. And don't say "age."

Would you like to write me out a list?

[sighs] He bought me a junior ticket.

[quietly] Oh.

That doesn't mean he doesn't like you.

Daddy, he's used to glamorous, sophisticated New York girls.

To him, I'm a baked squash.

[Gidget narrating] I am certainly

not the type to ever chase a boy,

but I have absolutely nothing against

giving fate a little helping hand.

Roger is her cousin, and sometimes

being in the right place...

at the right time--

If I get an asthma attack, I'm gonna call

and wheeze at you in the middle of the night.

Shh.

Okay, now. Saunter.

♪ [whistling]

[Gidget] Oh, hi, Roger.

Oh, hi, Roger. Gee, we didn't expect to run into you.

We were just on our way to the Budget Fudgery.

It's the in hangout.

The in hangout. Right. Everybody goes there after school.

Well, it sounds like fun. Have a good time.

You feel like going anyway? No.

Well, what do you feel like? Like a baked squash.

Honestly, you don't have to babysit with me.

I'm not gonna do anything desperate. He's just a guy.

Take away the broad shoulders and the moss-green eyes...

and the great personality, and what have you got?

I don't care. I'll take him.

- There's only one thing to do. - What?

Eat. Overcompensate for those feelings of rejection,

as my darling brother-in-law would say.

Hey, a treasure hunt! Huh?

Daddy. It's a surprise.

"The race is to the swift, I hear.

In this case, that's erroneous.

"But if to the bard you've lent an

ear, like Laertes to Papa Polonius,

"you'll profit well from this first clue.

Remember, pet"-- Dash, dash, dash, dash.

- That's the surprise? - It's a clue.

The bard-- That's Shakespeare.

"Lend an ear like Laertes to Papa Polonius."

What did Polonius say?

"You'll profit well from this first clue.

Remember, pet"--

To thine own self be true. I got it!

That's the surprise? To thine own self be true.

Be me. Okay, so I'm me. I come home from

school and I go to the refrigerator.

Be me. Just go make a sandwich like always.

Voilà!

"Man cannot live by bread alone.

Nor can you, my darling daughter.

"Yet ambition led to that guilty groan...

"from the spouse of the Thane of Cawdor.

"Tho' 'twas she that hatched the fearful plot,

she pleaded later"--

The Thane of Cawdor is Macbeth. Lady Macbeth!

- Yeah? - Don't you get it?

Tho' 'twas she that hatched the fearful

plot, she pleaded later, "Out, damned spot."

Oh! I don't get it.

Let me see. Spots, spots.

Spot removers, cleaning fl--

Cleaners!

"By getting here, you passed the course.

For your reward, go to the source."

The source? Come on!

Where are you going?

The source-- William Shakespeare.

Open it! Open it!

And destroy all this beautiful suspense?

Gidget, I gotta go home and do my eye exercises.

- Lacy's Beverly! - Wow!

- The gown department! - A formal.

A formal!

A silken gown cut with the deceptive

nonchalance of one of our top designers,

clinging gently to every curve.

Can the commercial. Open the box already.

Pink organdy with puff sleeves.

Well, it's... long.

So are rompers.

[Gidget narrating] How would you feel

if somebody bought you a junior ticket?

Then you got a surprise like that.

Guaranteed to be the smash...

of the kindergarten jubilee.

But what can you do? You can't kick a gift horse in the teeth,

especially if the horse happens to be your father,

and double especially if he meant so well.

[Russ] Gidget, I'm home! [sniffles, catches breath]

So you'll say thank you, and you'll

wear it to all the dances this year.

And you just won't take your coat off.

[Russ] Honey? Coming!

[sniffling, snorting]

[groans] Hi, Daddy.

Don't ask me what kind of a day I had.

I might just tell you and destroy any

thoughts you might be entertaining...

about entering the teaching profession.

- That bad? - That bad.

If I had the strength, I'd ask about those glasses.

Oh, um, it's an experiment.

I'll buy that, which on a teacher's

salary is a magnificent gesture.

- I wanna thank you-- - Forget it.

Oh, I mean for the surprise.

- Do you like it? - I just love surprises,

and you're the best clue writer in the whole world.

You should've seen Larue's face.

When she saw the dress?

When I read the clues. Really. She was so funny.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

If it's Professor Krasne, tell him I moved.

Hello, Gidget.

What's the matter with your eyes?

What's the matter with yours?

Ohh! Oh, I always wear these for reading. Is your father home?

Well, he's awfully tired. I--

Who is it?

It's me.

Oh. [chuckles]

Well, Mary, I-- I didn't recognize you.

I hate to bother you, especially when you're so tired.

I'm all right.

Now, I'm only gonna stay a minute. Really.

I just came to borrow a book-- Oh, if I may?

The one that you mentioned the other night.

Communication: The Social Matrix of Contemporary Culture.

[Russ] That's heavy going.

Well, you'll be able to help me.

I simply must improve my mind.

Well, if you feel you must improve

your mind that much all at once--

Oh, I do. I really do.

Excuse me. I'll get it for you.

I think deep thinking tends to mature one.

Where were you, at a charity luncheon?

There is a time to say adieu to capris and tennis shoes.

Only if your tennis shoes speak French.

Touché.

How is school, dear? Yummy.

I graduated sandbox last week, and, soon,

maybe they're gonna let me finger-paint.

Here you are.

Communication: The Social Matrix of Contemporary Culture.

Gay. Have a wonderful evening. Fair exchange.

Thank you. Now, I'm going to let

you get some well-deserved rest...

and have your dinner.

These are your favorites.

What a dingbat.

Thank you for the book, Professor

Lawrence. Thanks for the cookies.

Bye-bye.

"I'm gonna let you get some well-deserved rest."

Well, Mary is a very sensible young woman.

Young woman? Two days ago, she was a nice "youngster."

Honestly, you men. Somebody puts on some sensible shoes,

so right away, she's a "sensible young woman."

Well, it's like if I put on-- [bell dings]

Well, maybe clothes make the woman...

the same as they make the man.

Now, Mary is--

Gidget? Gidget?

Oh, forget Mary. Listen, Dad.

Would you say you're the King Lear type?

Would you try that again?

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth

it is to have a thankless child."

The dress?

The dress. It's very cute, but--

Annie usually has such good taste in these things.

Big sister Annie picked it out?

Yeah.

Then you wouldn't be absolutely crushed flat if I exchanged it?

No. I bought it to cheer you up. For any dress that I picked?

You're the one that has to wear it. carte Blanche?

Because I have a plan. carte Blanche.

[shrieks]

What sort of plan? he inquired with trepidation.

It's called "how to 'unbake' a baked squash."

[Gidget narrating] I had to hand

it to that little old cookie cutter.

When I saw her snow solid old dad

with a simple change of wardrobe,

that gave me the whole idea.

I had to bust Roger loose from that

"baked squash" picture he had of me,

and it was gonna take some doing.

I had to rock him right through the

ceiling with glamour and sophistication.

And that you don't do in pink organdy.

[phone rings]

[sophisticated accent] Hello, darling.

[drops accent] What'd he say?

He said no.

Oh, come on, Larue. Just no? Just

like that? No? He's your cousin.

Okay. Quote: "I can't come over, kid. I'm busy." Unquote.

Then how's he gonna get to see me in the new dress?

How 'bout sending a picture?

Now, listen, Larue. He's your cousin.

You get him over to your house.

- He won't come. He's busy. - Busy with what?

He's with the guys. They're planning

some kind of party or other.

Party? When is it? Who's invited?

How should I know?

Well, go over there and find out.

Gidget, I'm doing my eye exercises.

So do them over there-- you don't use weights--

And call me back. I won't budge.

[Gidget narrating] I guess it's some kind of a sin

to say that your best friend is dense,

but there are times when I think it's more than Larue's eyes that

need exercise; it's her head!

[phone rings]

Hello? Larue? Hello? Hello?

Shh! Who is this?

Stop yelling. It's me, Larue.

Larue, there's something wrong with the phone.

I'm in my aunt's utility closet.

You'll have to holler.

I can't. Roger's in the next room.

You're at Roger's house? They're planning a kidnap party.

But a kidnap party is perfect.

I can just happen to be having my hem

pinned up when they come over to snatch me.

If they come over to snatch me. Am I on the list?

- I don't know. - Well, go find out.

The thing is this: They have a

tentative list and a definite list.

Yeah? Oh.

You're definitely on the tentative list. Yea. Sort of.

You're off the tentative list. Oh, no!

Of course, if I'm off the tentative list,

it could mean I'm on the definite list.

So go glom on to the definite list. Geez.

Here.

[Gidget narrating] Trust loyal friend Larue

not to be able to find the definite list.

But I decided to go ahead like everything was all set.

Saturday, we gave ourselves the works, starting with facials.

[stiffly] How long does this guck stay on?

[stiffly] Till it hardens completely.

My face feels like the sidewalk in front of Grauman's Chinese.

[Gidget narrating] We gave each other pedicures.

And for the pièce de résistance, we

tried something I saw in Teenager.

Daddy hadn't seen the new dress yet, and

even though he had given me carte Blanche,

I figured I'd spring it kind of slow.

My robe? I thought you were going to a party.

I think I am. I mean, it's a kidnap party,

and they come and snatch you in whatever you're wearing.

You're gonna be snatched in that?

I sort of wanted to unveil the new dress for you.

It's a tiny bit spectacular.

A, uh, dress is under-- 'cause it's a tiny bit--

I'm ready.

Yes. That's, um-- It's certainly a...

tiny bit spectacular.

I don't look too sophisticated?

Not too.

For regular wear, I guess I could

tone it down a little. Maybe a shave.

[doorbell rings]

Hi! What's the matter with you?

Well, look who's here. Who's minding the couch?

Hello, Gidget. How are you?

You're the psychologist. You tell me.

What are you wearing? A robe.

[Anne] Well, we were just on our way

to a lecture, but John would like...

to see the dress I picked out for you, wouldn't you, John?

If Gidget wants to show it to me,

I'd certainly be interested in sharing the experience.

Uh, has it come back from the cleaners yet?

Not exactly.

Would someone like to explain how

a dress can be "not exactly" back?

[doorbell rings] The bell.

I spent the whole afternoon trying to find a dress for her.

Yes, Well, come on in the study and tell me about it.

John, what lecture were you going to?

[John] It's part two of the symposium

on the new psychological frontiers--

[trails off]

Well, it's about--

What are you doing in a formal?

We can say we're putting up each other's hems.

There's no reason why I can't look sophisticated too.

Now it'll look like a setup, like we knew.

I don't want him to think I did all this for him.

Why not?

Because I happen to be playing hard to get.

[gasps] So that's what you were hiding!

I knew it. You exchanged the lovely

dress I picked out for that--

That garish monstrosity.

[Russ] Please. A little respect

for our feathered friends...

who sacrificed themselves in order to produce this--

Go ahead. Make jokes. I don't blame

her. You're much too permissive.

- Tell him, John. - You're much too permissive.

At least it's not an inherited tendency.

Daddy didn't even know about the dress.

[Anne] That's even worse.

Oh, Daddy, a teenage girl needs supervision.

Look, could we discuss this some other

time? I admit everything you say.

I'm a senile delinquent. [knocking]

Mary. They're called love dreams.

Coconut. They're your favorite.

I-I didn't know you had company.

I think I left my earrings on the couch the other night.

Oh, I have this terrible habit of taking things off.

Jewelry, I mean.

She has this habit of forgetting.

Just earrings.

Oh.

There seem to be a lot of convenient

lapses of memory around here.

Yes, yes. That's very true.

As a matter of fact, I've just forgotten my manners.

- Good night. - But--

Good night. Well!

You know, Russell-- [muffled]

What time is it? Half past kidnap time.

I just feel sorry about you. Oh, forget it.

No, really. If you'd stayed home,

they'd have kidnapped you, right?

I said my aunt would kill him if he

didn't. I guess he preferred death.

You knew, didn't you? Knew what?

That I-- I wasn't on the list. No. Honestly.

Oh, I could scalp him!

So, he just doesn't dig baked squash,

even with feathers.

[knocking Russ] Hey,

Gidget, how 'bout some breakfast?

No, thank you.

Daddy!

Get your things on. You are being kidnapped.

By me. I hereby kidnap you to go

fishing with me off Santa Monica Pier.

How 'bout it? Will you?

Listen. A kidnap is a kidnap. Attagirl.

Let's go before they're all caught!

- [shrieks] - [Roger]

Consider yourself kidnapped.

Oh, no. We changed it to a kidnap

picnic when we discovered...

that there was a spy in our midst.

What happened to you? I slept late.

Frankly, I don't know if I can make it.

You sure I'm sophisticated enough for

a picnic? The junior ticket. Remember?

Oh! Well, that's a game we played back in New York. A game?

Yeah. "Beat the box office."

Oh, no, no. Come on. Let's go.

Gee, Dad. I-- Go on. I waive my kidnapping rights.

Thanks, Dad. toodles!

- Hi, everybody! - [boy] Hey, come on! Let's go!

[Gidget] Happy fishing, and watch out for mermaids!