Original subtitles

[chattering]

Through this door passes the most

miserable girl in the world-- me, Gidget.

And all because of having to take a

miserable foreign language-- English.

[chattering]

[murmurs]

[Gidget narrating] There he is, the enemy,

otherwise known as my English teacher, Mr. Donald Hardy.

More commonly known as "Hardy-Har-Har." Frances.

Of course, he's not really antique.

He just drinks an awful lot of whatever

beverage they make for those who think old.

Miss Lawrence,

I'm talking to you.

Yes, sir.

If it's not disturbing you too much,

would you give the class the

definition of a dangling participle?

Well,

a dangling participle--

Um, it's, uh,

when your sentence had a leftover verb form,

sort of like-- like hanging ten?

That's not quite the definition I would expect...

from Professor Lawrence's daughter.

I suggest, for extra homework tonight, you read...

the section in our book on dangling participles...

and do the exercises on page 123.

"Hanging ten."

♪ [jazzy pop]

♪ If you're in doubt about angels ♪

♪ Being real

♪ I can arrange to change

♪ Any doubts you feel

♪ Wait till you see my Gidget ♪

♪ You'll want her for your valentine ♪

♪ You're gonna say she's all that you adore ♪

♪ But stay away Gidget is spoken for ♪

♪ You're gonna find that Gidget is ♪

♪ Mine ♪

[Gidget narrating] This is Professor Russell Lawrence,

B.A., M.A., Ph.D...

and D-A-D.

He teaches English at UCLA,

and he's mildly sensational at it.

That's the reason old Hardy-Har-Har...

is so disappointed in me.

He'll never let me live down not

being able to live up to my father.

- Hi, sweetie. - Hi, Dad.

Why couldn't you have been a chemistry professor?

I'd probably blow up the school.

I know one classroom I'd never miss.

Sounds ominous. More trouble with your mother tongue?

Behaves more like a second cousin, once removed.

You're blicking the hand that feeds us.

I know. It isn't any attitude,

quote-- for an English professor's daughter-- unquote.

I gather your source of reference

is my former student, Donald Hardy.

He says you're only the all-time bossest teacher he ever had.

Don Hardy said that? Wonder how I ever passed him?

Well, the words may be mine, but the music's his. [door opens]

- [Anne] Anybody home? - We already gave!

Well, I hope you haven't already eaten,

because we'd like you and Dad to join us out for dinner.

You guys take Dad and run along. I've got a pile of homework.

Just bring me back a Bowser bag.

Down, girl!

The three-letter word for a unit of energy is "erg."

I hope I have enough ergs to get through my English assignment.

How are you doing in English?

Well, I'm not shooting the curl,

but I'm not exactly wiping out either.

Oh, Gidge.

When you talk like that, you

ought to at least have subtitles.

Translation: she's not doing "A" work,

but she's not exactly failing either.

Surfing spoken here.

You know, I was always at the top of my class in English.

Like father, like daughter.

Gidget's troubles in English stem

from latent psychological reasons.

There's a deep-seated hostility factor here.

Oh, come on. I'm starved.

Gidget, you're sure you don't want to come along?

Mmm, thanks a bunch, but I'll dine here...

on cold chicken and leftover dangling participles.

Okay. Come on, Dad.

Don't press it too hard, sweetie. And do me a favor.

Forget you're an English professor's

daughter, huh? [groans]

Remember, Frances, you're an English professor's daughter.

I hope that this time you'll turn in

a paper worthy of that relationship.

We're riding the same wave, Mr. Hardy.

[Hardy] We will call this

assignment "Outdoor Observations,"

because what I'm after is a

composition of descriptive detail--

An outdoor setting as seen and appreciated by the inner you.

Now none of this business of "I went and

stood on the sand and looked at the water."

But rather something like this.

"The waves came in, majestic and sonorous,

"spreading out over the golden sands of the beach,

"festooning them with wreaths of foam.

"The lofty black, eroded walls, shutting

in the beach with their semi-circle,

threw a melancholy silence upon it."

There you have one author's outdoor observations.

I'll be looking forward to seeing yours.

[bell rings]

Did you ever hear anything so utterly flowery?

I'll bet he has to water the book every day.

[thinking] Actually, I shouldn't

be doing my homework on the beach.

I used to do my math here, and then one day I

thought a speck of sand was a decimal point,

and I goofed up all that compound interest.

"Outdoor Observations" by Frances Lawrence.

The sea was an unbroken expanse of blue.

Peace and solitude covered the beach like a--

Ugh! Cut it out!

Can't you see I'm trying to do my homework?

At the beach? What do you wanna do, give surfers a bad name?

Yeah. Come on, Jason. Come on.

Well, I've been all up and down the beach.

Make any observations? Uh-huh.

Shirley Scoville is here with Rick Carter.

And Don and Charlotte aren't going steady anymore. Oh.

I didn't make much progress either.

Maybe I'll just hand in a blank piece of paper...

and tell him it was too cold to go outdoors to observe.

That's not what old Hardy-Har-Har...

expects from Professor Lawrence's daughter.

[Gidget narrating] I always say,

the only good thing about success...

is that it keeps you from being a failure.

This a private daydream, or can anyone intrude?

I'm just doing my homework.

I didn't realize you were majoring in ceiling watching.

I'm writing a composition...

on outdoor observations.

Hardy only wants a masterpiece,

stuffed with adjectives and similes and junk.

How can you laugh at something so utterly tragic?

Because somewhere in my files is a composition labeled...

"Outdoor Observations" by Russell Lawrence,

full of adjectives and similes and junk.

Baby, outdoor observations was assigned

to me when I went to school 30 years ago.

I've been assigning it to all my classes ever since.

The topic's so old, it's got whiskers.

Well, by the time I come up with something

to write, I may have whiskers too.

You'd better hurry up before you ruin your whole social life.

Oh, Daddy, I can't write what Hardy expects.

All you've got to do is look through those pretty brown eyes

and put down what you see.

Doesn't matter what I write anyway.

He'll just say it's not worthy of

Professor Lawrence's daughter...

and chalk up another "C." Aw, come on, sweetie.

You know teachers go out of their way not to be prejudiced.

Well, Hardy is pre-prejudiced.

He makes up his mind beforehand how he's gonna make up his mind.

It seems to me that somebody else around

here is making up her mind beforehand too.

Who, me?

Me.

You put down what you see.

Good night, hon.

[Gidget narrating] Well, it was finished.

And so would I be when I turned it in.

But I guess we've all got to go sometime.

Hello, Larue? I'm calling a summit conference.

Operation Hardy? Right.

I'm going to prove that old Hardy-Har-Har...

is very large in prejudice about Professor Lawrence's daughter.

What do you think about that? Not much.

You've positively flipped. What if I was to hand in...

an absolutely genuine "A" paper and he didn't give me an "A"?

Yes, that would prove it.

Except for one teeny-weeny detail. What's that?

How are you going to write an "A" composition? I'm not.

I'm gonna copy one. Gidget!

It's all right. It's my father's.

And it's 30 years old. And he got an "A" on it.

Gidget, that's perjury! Plagiarism.

Well, whatever it is, it's cheating.

Not if I turn myself in afterwards.

When he gives me a "C" and all that stuff

about Professor Lawrence's daughter,

I'll just flaunt the paper in his face.

Hardy-har-har, old Hardy-Har-Har.

But the paper which bugs you so much...

just happens to have been written...

by none other than Professor Lawrence's daughter's father.

Gidget, maybe you ought to tell your father what you plan to do.

How can I prove to him that Hardy's prejudiced...

if I give him the scoop beforehand? You lost me.

What has that got to do with it? He'd stop me.

I'm for that! Larue, will you stop worrying?

You'll be gray before you're 17. Okay.

I won't say another word. But you

ought to hear what I'm thinking.

Look. "Outdoor Observations" by Russell Lawrence.

"The saucy seagulls were swooping

over the sparkling seascape,

skittering and scudding along the stretches of silvery sand."

That's positively mystical.

I didn't know your father could

write as soggy as that. Correction.

You didn't know I could write as soggy as that.

[Gidget narrating] Well, the show was on the road.

I had copied over Dad's "A" composition

and handed it in under my own name.

Give Hardy-Har-Har enough rope

and he'll hang himself out to dry.

Now that your papers have all been properly

presented-- "papers properly presented."

That reminds me of something I hope

I won't run across in your writing--

Overdone alliteration, repetition of the same sound.

Uh, what do you mean by, uh, overdone?

That's a good question.

You see, beginning writers have a tendency,

especially in passages of descriptive detail--

[thinking] It'll be positively delicious...

watching that square root of a lemon suffer and squirm.

But after I've psyched him out real good, I'll forgive him.

Only from now on, he'll treat me as

me, not Professor Lawrence's daughter.

But me, Gidget-- girl avenger.

However, your question may best be

answered by this classic example.

"The saucy seagulls swooped over the sparkling seascape,

skittering and scudding along the stretches of silvery sand."

You were about to say something, Frances?

I just wondered where you read that sentence, Mr. Hardy?

When I was a student, a teacher of mine related it to us.

As a matter of fact, he was the one who wrote it.

And I guess we know who that teacher was, don't we, Frances?

Gidget, please don't do this.

But I can't get into any more trouble than I'm already in.

Yes, you can. You can drag me in with you.

All I'm going to do is substitute the

paper I wrote for the paper I handed in.

What if Mr. Hardy comes back?

Well, you stay out here and whistle if you see him coming.

You know I can't whistle. Will it be all right if I hum?

Just keep a lookout.

[squeals]

[coughs]

[coughing continues]

You ought to do something about that

cough, Larue. Oh, I will, Mr. Hardy!

Thank you, Mr. Hardy. Water--

You'll find some right over there.

[coughs]

Well, Frances, I didn't expect to find you here.

Neither did I, Mr. Hardy.

Uh, I mean, I just came up to look up a word.

Most commendable. What word?

What word? Oh, yes, what word.

Uh, xylophagous.

I need to look up a new word every day.

That way, you end up with a really insane vocabulary.

Yes. You certainly do.

Well, uh, if you'll excuse me, Frances,

I've a great deal of reading to do. Well--

Uh, bye.

xylophagous.

- Whoo-hoo! - [Russ] Whoo-hoo.

Hi, Dad. Hi, sweetie.

Anne's here. Oh, good. That makes my day complete.

Well, there's some Linzer torte for dessert.

I'm not especially hungry.

Hey, come on. The world's not coming to an end.

That's the only thing that could save me now.

- That sounds serious enough. - It's a total bust.

It's like building a big, beautiful

sand castle and then, zap--

[books crash onto table] the tide comes in.

Well, couldn't you just, zap-- start it all over again?

Oh, this castle wasn't just wiped out, Dad.

It was declared a disaster area. Can I help?

Laugh, and the world laughs with you.

Cry, and... your mascara runs.

No thanks, Dad.

I've involved you enough already.

Well, baby, when you feel you're ready to tell me--

I could never tell you, not in a million years.

I copied your outdoor observations composition...

and handed it in as my own.

Gidget, you cheated? I didn't cheat. I--

I just copied it.

Donald Hardy is sure to recognize that composition.

I found that out. That's when the tide came in.

Well, you mustn't blame yourself too much.

I should have realized old Hardy-Har-Har...

might be familiar with one of Dad's papers.

What I mean is, we've all been tempted

to cheat at one time or another.

Why, even I-- Well, with a husband like John--

- Gidget. - Okay.

But I didn't cheat.

Well, it does happen in the best of families.

- Personally, I-- - Anne, didn't you

say you had tickets to a concert?

- Well, yes, I did, but-- I think

I hear the orchestra tuning up.

Just remember, dear, I'm on your side.

Good-bye, Dad. Bye, sweetie.

Bye, Gidge.

[door opens, closes]

You're angry with me, aren't you?

No, but I'm disappointed in you.

You don't believe me either?

You, of all people! I didn't say that.

I just said you let me down.

Dad, I didn't cheat.

When I copied your paper, I didn't do it to cheat.

I know that. But I have a pretty good idea what you were up to.

And that's why I'm disappointed.

I was waiting for Hardy to give a bad mark to your composition.

Well, I thought it would prove something.

What would that have proved?

Your fanciful notion that Hardy is prejudiced?

Teachers work under a great handicap, sweetie.

We're expected to do a superhuman

job, but we're only human.

So we make mistakes. I do. Don Hardy does.

But he's always demanding more of

me just because I'm your daughter.

All right, maybe he has put too much pressure on you,

but that's very different from prejudice.

And you're not going to prove it to

him by trying to teach him a lesson.

The only one that's learned a lesson from this is you.

Don't I know it.

I tried to get the composition back

before he read it, but I couldn't.

All I could do was leave the one I wrote.

- You did one of your own? - Mm-hmm.

You told me to write about something

I see, so I wrote about surfing.

You can imagine how that'll grab him.

"This above all, to thine own self be true."

Oh, Daddy, what am I gonna do?

Hardy won't understand. Nobody will.

I'll be branded with a scarlet letter.

You know, "C" for "cheater."

Dad, Hardy respects you.

Maybe you could--

No, I couldn't ask you. Could I?

Gidge, I'll answer that question with another.

You know what a paradox is?

Uh, isn't it a statement that kind of contradicts itself?

Mm-hmm. That's right.

So maybe you'll understand when I tell you that...

I love you so much, I'd do anything in the world for you.

And because I do love you that much, I

will not intercede between you and Hardy.

I'll have to take my medicine, huh?

And hope that Hardy dishes it out with a small spoon.

[laughs] Oh, Dad.

Why can't the world ever be the way you want it to be?

Because then little girls would never

come to their fathers for consolation.

Oh. Well--

Well, I imagine you can all guess why we're here.

If I may be allowed an indoor observation of my own,

you turned in some surprisingly good outdoor observations.

There was even one I considered to be excellent.

However, on the minus side,

I was appalled to find one paper

which was not a student's own work.

Frances, come up here in front of the class, please.

[Gidget narrating] Just my luck

to have an English teacher...

who moonlights as a public executioner.

Would you be so good as to read

that for the benefit of the class?

You want me to read that? You wrote it, didn't you?

Out loud? Out very loud.

"'Outdoor Observations' by Frances Lawrence.

"The day was a big one.

"A mild, off-shore breeze gently tickled the glassy waves...

"that peaked up and rolled evenly toward the beach.

"Like one perfect wave breaking over and over.

"As I sat there watching, a lonely surfer made the scene.

"He dropped his board into the

water, scudded through the soup...

"and eased his way out past the lineup.

"Almost immediately, he caught a neat peeler with a left slide.

"Standing up, he angled swiftly under the fast-forming hook,

"cutting a path diagonally from the foaming crest,

"and zoomed in for a real tough landing.

"It was a good ride-- those few moments

in the tube when the soul tumbled free.

"I couldn't help thinking that life is like

surfing and I'm like that lonely surfer,

"longing for those brief moments of freedom,

"hoping for the good ride, waiting for the perfect set.

"So, I, too, must go down to the sea

again, again and again and again,

to watch the lonely surfer and let

my heart ride tandem with him."

Ladies and gentlemen, an "A" composition.

[bell rings] [congratulatory chatter]

Gidge, that was too much. That's the

best surfing thing I've ever heard.

Thank you. Oh, that was beautiful.

Gidge, that was the absolute ultimate.

Well, I just lucked out. That's all.

Um, listen. I'll meet you at the car. See you later.

Okay. I've got your books. Great.

Um, I wanna thank you for the "A," Mr. Hardy.

Well, you deserved it, Frances. It was a fine composition.

You also deserve this.

I don't suppose the "F" stands for "fine."

[chuckles] No, I don't suppose.

You understand, it wasn't because of the content,

but because I knew you hadn't written it.

Would you mind telling me why you did it?

I don't believe it was an attempt to cheat.

No. I just--

Well, I wanted to see how you'd grade

Russell Lawrence's composition...

if you thought it was written by Russ Lawrence's daughter.

And you were going to grade me?

Well, only because I'm not just his

daughter. I'm me. Of course you are.

And I wanted you to be the very best "me" you knew how.

You see, I owe your father a great deal...

for giving me his knowledge and encouragement.

I wanted to repay him in part by inspiring his daughter.

I'm sorry if I went about it the wrong way.

Well, you're only human.

Friends? The royalist.

- See you tomorrow, Mr. Hardy. - Crazy.

And give my regards to Gidget Lawrence's father, will you?

Right. toodles!

Good-bye, Dad. Got to go to school early.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You haven't had your breakfast.

I stashed a piece of toast in my notebook.

I'll eat it during study period. When you gonna study?

During lunch. Unleash me, Dad.

I've got to go put some stuff on the board in English.

Don't tell me you're assisting old Hardy-Har-Har?

Mister Hardy. You're speaking of the English teacher I dig most.

Just because he gave you an "A" on that composition?

Don't knock it, Dad. He gave you an "F."

Duh.

Oh, I'll be home late.

Siddo's giving a glassing party

'cause he has some dings in his board.

Well, happy glassing, sweetie.

Remember, you're only young once.

Don't I know it.

It's true, you know. You are only young once.

But if you work it right, once is enough.

Yeah.