Original subtitles

♪ [rock] [kids chattering]

[boy] Go! Go! [ Girl] Go! Go! Go!

♪ [ends] [cheering, chattering]

[Gidget] Mine's the one with the

anchovies and the chili. Ah. Food.

Isn't it amazing? What?

How in all this agonizing time being separated from Jeff--

- I've never lost my appetite. - Yeah, I've noticed that.

As desperately in love as I am,

I haven't missed a meal or lost a single pound.

And I sleep great. Shows you. Shows you what?

How two sensible people,

desperately in love with each other,

can make a nice sensible agreement...

as long as they have implicit faith and trust in each other.

How's that grab you? Kind of.

It was my idea that Jeff and I should

date others when he's back at Princeton.

And let me tell you, there's no question about it.

It is the only-- the only way to go steady.

- For who? - Everybody.

Gidget, that pizza cost a buck and a quarter.

Look how great it's worked out for you.

You don't have to worry about

impressing me or any of that jazz...

or if I will or will not go out with you again.

With me, you can relax completely.

What more could a guy ask for? You should be grateful to Jeff.

Yeah, I think I'll write him a thank-you note.

♪ [rock]

[kids, chattering] Let's go! Hey! Hey!

♪ [jazzy pop]

♪ If you're in doubt about angels ♪

♪ Being real

♪ I can arrange to change

♪ Any doubts you feel

♪ Wait till you see my Gidget ♪

♪ You'll want her for your valentine ♪

♪ You're gonna say she's all that you adore ♪

♪ But stay away Gidget is spoken for ♪

♪ You're gonna find that Gidget is ♪

♪ Mine ♪

Hello, operator. Would you please ring this number?

It must be out of order.

Because I haven't had a call in over a week.

Not even a decent wrong number.

Granite 5-5099. Thank you.

[phone rings] Hello?

Yeah, operator, it rang.

Maybe it works for you because you

have all those tricky wires and plugs.

Whereas the average boy-- I mean, person--

Could you try again, please?

Well, I've heard of unsympathetic public utilities,

but you take the cake.

Just wait till the next time you ask me to hold the line.

Hi. Hi.

Did I interrupt a call? No, sir. Definitely not.

If there's one thing you did not do, it was interrupt a call.

What's the matter?

Dad, the luau's Saturday. The class luau.

And I've got to go. I'm chairman.

But I haven't even got a date.

I can't get one. What?

Nobody, not even Siddo, called to ask me...

or even waited for me to ask them.

I don't know why.

Well, honey, you're wearing Jeff's ring.

Maybe the fellas feel-- Oh, no.

My conscience is absolutely clear on that score.

I'm very open about Jeff.

All I do is talk about Jeff and how much implicit faith

and trust we have in each other.

I let the fellas know, right off, that

I could never be interested in them,

so they don't have to waste any time being interested in me.

What?

You and I better have a talk.

Why don't we have it over a quarter-to-10:00 midnight snack?

It simply never occurred to me...

that telling a guy he couldn't

possibly interest you was unflattering.

If he's the least bit sensitive.

What, mustard?

Strawberries. There you are, Madam.

Well, there'll be no more of that-- starting Saturday night.

Good girl. But, Dad, who am I gonna go with?

I told you. I can't get a date.

Baloney.

Oh.

Out of how many boys in your class?

I mean with our crowd.

But it might be better if I--

If the guys see me with a different guy.

They'd be more apt to notice a new guy...

and, at the same time, the new me.

Now, who could I ask?

- Hey. Muzzy. - Muzzy? Muzzy who?

- Muzzy the masochist. - Muzzy the masochist?

- Mm. He's a Tarantula. - A tarantula?

One of the other gangs at school.

Well, have you ever gone out with him?

We've never spoken a word, but he's got a real case on me.

How do you know?

Certain remarks he makes when I pass down the hall.

Like, "Get a load of that hunk of nothing."

And "Why don't they put her back in sandbox?"

Let me see.

What's the name of that gas station where he hangs out?

Gidget, no.

But, Dad, only to show the other guys.

Absolutely not.

But they're not the "leather jacket, motorcycle" set.

These guys are strictly amateurville.

They only put on a big act so everybody will notice them.

Ergo, if everybody notices them,

they're bound to notice me if I'm with one of them.

Ergo, absolutely no.

Before I'd let you go out with somebody

like that, I'd take you myself.

You prefer I commit instant social suicide?

Go with my father?

In this day and age?

- What? - Nothing.

I just didn't realize it was this day and age already.

A brother wouldn't be so bad. He could get lost in the crowd.

If only I had a brother. Maple syrup, please.

Ketchup.

With my kind of luck, all I've got is a nutty brother-in-law...

who's studying to be a nutty psychologist.

Yeah. John. John.

John. John.

Yeah. Why not?

The perfect solution. Great idea.

Nobody knows him except Larue, and Larue's out of town.

Why don't you do it? Will Anne let him?

Well, sure. Sure, if you put it to her right.

You know, I've got a plan. Yeah?

I think that if we get them over here-- Will it work?

- Well, I think-- - [groans]

Ketchup on a banana split?

Beats maple syrup on a bologna sandwich.

I don't know. Wanna trade?

[Gidget narrating] Dad's strategy

was for me to put the question to John,

but appeal to Anne.

All you have to do, John, is just

take me to a simple little luau.

You're asking me to take you to a

high school luau as your date? Me?

Well, I wouldn't ask you if I

weren't in this terrible spot, John.

And like I was telling you, Anne,

I wouldn't be in this spot if I hadn't been so stupid.

- Right? - Mm, yes.

You see, honey, your big mistake...

was to brag about all that implicit faith and trust.

That simply doesn't exist between

youngsters like yourself and Jeff.

That's something that you only have after you're married.

- Right, darling? - Right.

I should have come to you for

advice from the start, shouldn't I?

Well, yes. I could have warned you.

Well, that's the whole deal.

What's the point of having an older and wiser sister...

if you don't take advantage of her?

I mean, if you don't let her help you...

and let her give you the benefit of her experience.

Oh, Gidge, I've always wanted to do that.

Yes, I know you have.

That's why I thought, when we go

shopping for the things for John to wear,

I could ask you a whole lot of questions about--

- What "John to wear"? What? - At the luau.

- I haven't said I'd go. - What?

It's out of the question. Ridiculous.

I wouldn't dream of going.

You wouldn't dream of going?

- Mm-mmm. - With my sister?

- Give up? - Give up.

Now, what sort of things does he have to wear?

Well, we want him to look and act like a Tarantula...

so everybody'll sit up and take notice.

A tarantula?

A group of young gentlemen at school.

I don't know how to act like a Tarantula.

I don't know how to act around teenagers.

Nobody does. Nobody understands them.

- Just the other day, we had a lecture about-- About what?

About how nobody knows what their message is.

What are they trying to communicate?

So how am I going to? Oh, Anne, I just--

- Anne! I could find out. - Huh?

Yeah. It would be like research.

Like a field trip.

Actually getting out in the field right in with them--

Seeing them,

listening to them, talking to them.

Gee, I don't know about that.

Your term paper.

This is what your paper could be on.

I was going to do it on the psyche of the sow bug,

but this might be more encompassing.

And teenagers are so much harder to come up with than sow bugs.

True. Very true.

What do you want me to do?

Well, first you have to learn how to mumble.

There's a certain way to walk and dress.

Then I'll have to introduce you to

the Monkey, the Jerk and the Dog.

Fine, fine. I want to meet all your friends.

Those are dances.

You couldn't begin to get this

anywhere but right from the source.

Dad, can I ask you a question? Yeah.

Are you sure we know what we're doing?

[John chattering]

[Gidget narrating] Anne and I went shopping the next day,

then dropped in at The Shack.

Flossie, can we have two hot-fudge sundaes? Thanks.

Gosh, I haven't been in here since I was in high school.

- Did we get everything? - Uh-huh.

I still can't decide whether John ought to wear a hat or not.

You know, since I've been working with

him-- teaching him to dance and all--

He's turned real cute, downright sexy.

That's no way to talk about your brother-in-law.

Oh, I don't mean it like that.

John would never look sexy to me,

but he will to the other kids.

You mean your little girlfriends?

Even if the fellas don't notice him right off, the girls will.

That's nice. Now, listen. Don't you forget--

None of that talk about Jeff and implicit faith and trust.

Remember that-- That's only for married people like John and me.

Hi, Gidge. Hi, Midge. How are you?

Hi. Hi.

Because it's only after you're married--

Who's that? One of the kids.

One of-- What kids?

My friends.

That's one of your little friends?

Oh, uh, isn't she cute?

Hey, Gidge. Hi, Pokey.

I hear you're bringing new blood to the orgy.

- True? - True.

Pokey? They call her that because she's slow?

I don't think so.

Oh. Wait till you see the wild lace bikini I'm gonna wear.

Great.

Come to think of it, she is slow in algebra.

Hi, you all. Hi, Treasure.

[overlapping greetings] I [girl] Ooh. Look at that.

Hi, Gidge. Hi, Treasure.

Treasure?

Her real name is Eleanor Chest.

But all the boys call her "Treasure."

Is she going to the luau too?

Just try and keep her away.

- Isn't she darling? - Mm. Darling.

Whatever made me think that all your friends were like Larue?

I don't know. They're not.

No, they aren't. Not at all.

[Gidget narrating] John may not

be the greatest actor in the world.

But whatever he lacks in talent, he makes up for in enthusiasm.

He's been in training for three days.

[mouthing words] As a matter of

fact, he's practically over trained.

But he was as ready as he'd ever be for the main go.

So, we went.

Are you ready to, uh, make the scene?

You better know it, uh, Panther.

Oh! Panther?

That's the name I gave him. Panther.

I'll never be able to think of him as anything else.

toodles. Yeah.

Uh, after the luau.

Away we go.

To your field trip, John-- your field trip.

Have fun, kids. Anne and I will

be the old folks waiting at home.

Fast game of Scrabble, or would you rather play gin?

Scrabble. All right.

I think I'm getting a headache.

What time did they say they'd be home?

They didn't.

Wait'll those kids get a load of John.

Kids? Have you seen some of those kids?

Some of her little friends? [sighs]

I should be so little.

Well, what I mean is, they're-- they're darling.

They really are. The girls, I mean.

They're probably some of the cutest little "sexteen"--

16-year-olds I've ever seen.

Mm, they are that.

You did say Scrabble?

Yes.

Only-- Only what?

Only I think my throat is getting worse.

Your throat?

Oh, Dad, do you mind awfully if we don't play?

No, of course not. Would you rather go home?

Well, no. But maybe I should.

You're not worried about John, are you?

John? Well, of course not. Where did you ever get that idea?

Really, Dad, if it weren't for this stupid

backache, I'd love to play with you.

- Backache? - What did I say?

Well, so far, a headache, sore throat and backache.

Maybe I'm coming down with something.

Could be.

Well, good night, Dad. Good night, sweetie.

Hope you're feeling better. Thanks.

♪ [rock] [kids chattering, laughing]

Hi. Hi, everyone.

Hi, Ray. Hi, Richard. Hi. Hi.

♪ [ends] Everyone, I want you to meet the Panther.

Panther Cahoogit-- from Tarzana.

- Uh, is this the new blood? - Hi, Panther.

Okay, group, we can start blastin' off now.

The, uh, Panther's here.

[girl] Hey, he's cute.

Yeah, where did you find him, Gidge?

What gives?

What do you say, Panth? Shall we mingle, mingle, mingle?

Mingle, ming-- What's that?

It means circulate, circulate. Oh.

Yeah. Uh, mingle, mingle, mingle.

Hi, Siddo. When'd you meet him?

Jeff know about him? Jeff?

Jeff. "Implicit faith and trust" Jeff?

Oh, that Jeff. Yeah.

You giving up Princeton? No.

But no reason I can't have fun with anybody else, is there?

No.

Right here, I'd like to say the rest

of the evening was a smashing success.

I'd like to. I'd also like to be Miss

America, the first woman on the moon,

and, if I had it to do all over again, an only child.

Because, back in her apartment,

Anne wasn't exactly cornering the market...

on implicit faith and trust as far as John was concerned.

Anne decided John needed protection from my friends.

And Dad, after he called Anne and there was no answer,

wasn't quite ready to make a testimonial...

about how much implicit faith and trust he had in her.

And Dad decided we all needed protection from Anne.

♪ [rock]

How you doing? It's a very representative group.

Can I start asking questions now?

Sure, but remember, like Panther.

Oh yeah. Like, uh, Panther, baby.

[growls]

Hi. Hi, yourself,

you, uh, female you. Female?

Sixteen? Mm-hmm.

I.Q. I.Q.?

Well, I like 'em bright, babe.

Hmm. How about 130? Is that bright enough?

That's excellent. Excellent?

Uh, yeah, for a-- a classy chick with your kind of feathers.

What about Gidget?

Right now, babe, I'm interested in you.

Mingle, mingle, mingle!

[no Audible dialogue]

He doesn't waste any time, does he?

- Who? - Panther.

He asked if I kiss on a first date.

Well, you can't blame a guy for asking.

Before he asks your name?

First, ask 'em their names.

- Hi, there. - Well, what's your name?

I'm, uh, Treasure.

Say, that's a very direct approach.

I'm a treasure. Yeah.

What's with that character? Do I like to go to drive-ins?

Say, hey, Gidget. You tell that crumb Shirley's my girl.

And she only goes "looking at views" with me.

Oh.

Boy, does that guy come on strong.

Right off the bat, he asks me--

[whispering, inaudible]

Gr-Grunion hunting?

Hey.

Where's the action? Over there.

Oh, thanks. Hey, honey.

Stay away from the one they call Panther.

They never should've let him out of his cage.

John? John?

Anne! Anne, what are you doing here?

Where is he? Wait a minute, Anne.

[girl yelps]

Where is he? Just follow that scream.

What'll we do with him? [boy] Let

me at him. I'll take care of him.

- [girl] I think we should call the police. - [Gidget] Police?

[girl] Isn't that what you're

supposed to do with a Peeping Tom?

- Peeping Tom? - [boy] We found

him spying on us from the bushes.

[boy 2] How about that? An old man like him.

Frankly, Russ, I'm surprised at you.

Surprised at him?

Huh! Some field trip.

You meant playing the field.

Hold it, that's my Dad. Let him go.

And that's my husband. Let me at him.

[knocking] Come in.

I thought so.

I knew you'd still be beating yourself

over the head. You get that from me.

Now, Daddy, I want you to forget all about it and get some sleep.

Forget about it? After the mess we made?

[scoffs] But, it all worked out fine, didn't it?

- So what's the difference? - Fine?

What's fine about your friends thinking that John's a lech,

Anne is a husband-beater and I am a Peeping Tom?

Well, as long as they think that about you and Anne and John,

they certainly aren't gonna pay any attention

to anything I say about Jeff, are they?

Oh, well, as long as it wasn't in vain. Gosh, no.

Well, you'll be the topic of discussion

for weeks, months, maybe even--

Good night, Gidget.

Good night, Daddy.

I'll tell him tomorrow the main reason...

why he and Anne and John will be topic "A" with the gang.

'Cause my friends aren't exactly stupid.

They know that Dad and Anne and

John were all doing what they did...

to help or protect-- whichever--

And they were all doing it out of love.

And if there's one thing my friends and I dig,

even when it comes from relatives, it's love.

Oh, I can't wait till tomorrow. I'll tell him now.

toodles.