Original subtitles

Ah bon, ok, je te rappellerai.

I'll see you next time.

They call.

Ha, ha, ha.

I'm sick.

You said we wouldn't be going until tomorrow.

Oh, you know I can't help it. I'm a cinema. Oh, stop calling me that, will

Okay.

Your poor mother.

What a shame you can't give her any pheasants.

Oh, that's right.

Well,

you'd better hurry, darling. I know you're worried over your mother. Just so

understanding.

Bye -bye. Call you tomorrow.

Bye -bye.

How's my little girl been doing?

You been good?

Watching TV?

Oh, I hope it's a good program.

Oh, sorry I was delayed.

Those icy roads are murderous. Cars and ditches everywhere.

Stop, start, stop, start.

You know how it is.

Sure.

Anyway,

now I'm here.

Yes, I'm coming right over.

Yes, I've missed you. Okay?

Goodbye.

It's that bag there.

That's it.

What are you doing here? Shall I open the trunk for you, lover boy?

Don't bother.

Mama got much better, huh?

Hypocrite bastard.

Okay, Mr. Lamoureux. Speak about Mrs. Lamoureux, not your mother. Mrs.

Lamoureux is a petite blonde with blue eyes, big -hearted, good

-natured. Her breasts aren't like yours.

Oh, you'd better explain that or I'll shit. Oh, come on. That'd be awful for

your career.

Let's talk somewhere else.

Thank you very much.

75, 80, 85, he loses the guy.

I don't understand that.

He hardly sees that I see him. He goes back, he asks the guy, why did you let

go? Hey, you never lost a plaque at 85 ,000 an hour.

What is it that a dog always has on his head?

Because he's ashamed, it's a poison.

There's a guy who heard a saloon, you know, he's waiting for his dog to hear

Ha,

ha, ha!

a piece of junk.

We're all junk.

The GM.

The only thing that works is the key that opens a door. That's all.

Ford's the same thing.

They've got good ideas, but they don't follow through.

Oh, Nader's right.

Hello, sweetie.

Oh, don't be mad, honey.

You know, right after I phoned, as soon as I was on the freeway, the car

stopped.

Nothing to do about it. Spent half the night looking for an open garage.

I don't care what you do, Bob, but I worry.

Honey, I wanted to call you back, but I couldn't. By myself, on an empty road,

what could I do?

And when I could get to a phone, I was so mad, all I wanted to do was sleep.

Oh, come on, honey.

Give me a little kiss.

Do I scratch?

Oh, I know. I look like a bum.

First a beard.

Then mustache.

And while I'm at it, I think I'll do this too.

I think I'll go take myself a shower and a little nap. I'm

bushed.

Should I quit that complaining?

No, don't let me stop you. I'm so tired I could sleep through anything.

Two. Four.

Five. Six.

Seven.

Vincent, will you go to bed? It's time.

Vincent, go to bed this minute.

Okay, okay.

Good night, Dad.

Good night, son.

Good night, Mom. Good night.

You should let him play, Fernand. You know the sax is his passion.

I know.

With what that sax cost, it should be his passion.

Now, you know how I feel over things like that.

It's best to work with prime tools.

He's ten.

That. It cost half of what it was worth.

You should really stop smoking, Fernand.

It's bad for your health, and it's a waste of money.

Well, get them wholesale, dear, for half of what they're worth.

Hey, Fernand, did you see my little white violet?

The one that was dying last week?

Well, I repotted it, gave it some heat, and she's great now.

Well... Well, I think I'll go make myself a hot drink.

It'll relax me.

You should smoke instead if you ask me.

Ha,

ha, ha!

Ha,

ha,

ha!

But if you're throwing out the pop -pop, why aren't you throwing out the plant?

Because the plant is still alive.

It must be dead.

No, it's bruised.

I think we should chuck it.

Hmm?

Hmm? While it's still alive?

Never. You think Mom knocked the plant on the floor on purpose?

No, not on purpose.

Clumsy, that's all.

But not deliberately.

Like that? Like that, like that.

It looks like I've been doing this my whole life.

You're going to have to lift my branches.

Be careful with my tree.

Just like that, quietly, quietly, quietly.

Oh, my balcony.

Be careful with the paint.

Just like that. Hey, do you want me to go? No, no, you go. Oh, well, go ahead.

Hey,

you're a real little chimp.

Hello? Luis, hello.

Is that it?

Yeah.

Okay, let's go to your house.

Easy does it.

Now, don't break those wires.

Come on. There goes your phone.

Don't worry.

All right, come on.

No, I'll go get the wire.

Great. Get me my beer while you're at it. Okay.

Hey,

don't forget my beer. No, I got it. I got it.

Here it is.

Oh, you might as well go up. You're an old hand at it now.

It looks too short. Don't worry. It's long enough. See? It's long enough.

Hey, hold on to that ladder. Don't worry, Ward. I'll hold the ladder. All

There. That'll keep him off the phone.

Bet you it'll cut our phone bills in half.

It's better.

Calling 7385.

7385. How are you two broads?

Oh, she forgot to push the button.

But look here. It's not too serious.

If you push the button in from this end, they'll hear you over there anyhow.

It's complicated.

Don't worry, they'll figure it out fast enough, and maybe then they'll keep off

the telephone.

Allô?

Allô, Yolaine?

Allô, Fernand?

C 'est Bob, ça.

On entend mal.

Répète. Ah oui, pèse sur le putain.

Ah oui, mange le repas.

Je répète.

Mange.

Comme tu vois, l 'électronique, c 'est pas encore tout à fait, tout à fait à

point.

Violette? What do you hear?

I was just reading this very interesting book.

All about wives like us who don't work.

Women in the suburbs, yes.

Listen.

You may knock at any one of these portals.

That is our doors.

How many women do you find exploiting their talents?

We find they're all dead ends.

However, comes a moment in a woman's life when in order to achieve harmony

within herself, she has to develop her individuality.

Isn't that extraordinary?

What do you think of that?

But how can you not think anything?

You better start.

Can I ask you for a glass of water, please?

A glass of water?

Yes.

Here you are.

Thanks.

Not very warm, is it?

I suppose not.

Want more?

I believe so, yes.

Ivan! Over here!

Look at this.

Oh, hell.

I've never been down here before. This place looks like a bloody jungle.

Don't swear.

You'll turn the chlorophyll sour.

Don't make dust. Okay.

There's a plant down there. Oh, yeah.

Don't kick it with your feet.

Can I speak or shall I just buzz like a bee or something?

Tell me how you are.

If my azaleas make the winter, I'll be fine.

What do you say we azalea are way up to the game?

You mean football?

Uh -huh. Why don't you take Violet? Oh, come on. I don't know about football.

I was mighty lucky and picked up three tickets.

You are bringing Violet then.

You can't take your wife to see football. It only brings bad luck.

Oh, no, come on. You're a joke.

Oh, you don't pick up fast, Ivan.

Open that dumb head of yours and put a little fertilizer in there.

Well, it ought to be a hell of a game with a parade and everything.

Well, we won't be cold. I brought a thermos of coffee.

Coffee? Don't bother with that. We'll drink this.

What's that?

Well, try it.

For God's sake, chuck the coffee or they'll all laugh at us.

Do you have something for me back there?

It's not as nice as mine.

As for the thermos.

Hey, mister.

Have some coffee.

Bye.

Okay, you two.

Hold her, Yvonne. Hold her, for God's sake.

Bye, baby.

Hey, Bob, have you seen the police?

They're afraid of separatists.

We're in a sports country. The police have football holidays.

That's democracy.

Know what? I'm glad not to be in that mob.

So am I.

Do you like football?

Oh, not a bit.

You? Oh, personally, I hate it.

Oh, he's so beautiful.

Have you seen his white beret?

It looks like his mother put it on him.

It looks like it's in English.

Five bucks on the grave.

Five bucks?

How many women can you find who exploit their talents?

A sex pet is a talent.

You mean we should sleep with anybody at all?

Before we knew them, our guys were anybody at all.

Yes, but that's something else. I don't see why.

What if we both get caught?

No, now, don't be a dunce.

Yvonne's at the office all day, and Bob's gone two or three days every week.

It's a bore spending all your days alone.

Haven't you ever slept with other guys?

I wasn't married then.

Before you're married, after you're married, what's the difference?

Oh, we're stupid, we women. We sit around and wait and wait.

We might as well have fun while we're desirable and with it.

How often do you make love with Bob?

Two or three times a month. He's home so little.

And you think Bob is satisfied with that?

You better come over to his feet. You'll be chilled.

Oh, you're sweet.

than just anybody.

Isn't it embarrassing to sleep with a fellow you just met? Why?

Imagine the milk boy.

He's gorgeous.

Wouldn't you like that?

Why not?

What if I'm not feeling sexy?

Who cares? The point is to have fun.

If it's good sex, too, all the better.

Wait, just a second.

The wanton love life of Fernand Turcot.

I'll make a monkey out of Isadora Duncan.

Boy, I can just see it now.

What do you believe was happening in Pompadour's boudoir

or Chanel's salon?

Panky and hanky, that's what.

I'm fine. Hang on to me.

Don't try to lift both feet at the same time.

What's the matter with him? Is he sick?

No, he just tied one on. He'll be all right.

Did you have fun?

It was a smashing game, but I tell you, it was freezing.

He'll be all right tomorrow.

I'll be all right. I hope you manage okay.

Here's his flute. Bye -bye. Bye -bye, Bob. Oh, she'll manage us fine there,

She'll manage okay.

Manage machine.

Better go up to your room now. Come on, get up to your room. But, dear, the

stairs are in the way.

Get out of the stairs. Come on.

I'll make a drive.

What do you look like? Oh, I'm Captain Jake, two horse marines. I've fed my

horse on milk and beans.

Oh, stop that stupid singing. Come on.

Oh, can't you see I'm trying?

Hurry!

Don't mess up the floor, for God's sake!

for drinking when you know you can't take it

How about a cup of coffee?

That'll really help you out.

Hi there, sports fan.

Wow,

what a messy state you're in.

You lad, don't forget.

I'll be sending you the milk, boy.

Please. You're kidding.

No, he's the best looking around.

Aren't you curious?

Morning, Mrs. Decoe.

It's real cold for winter, huh?

Want some eggs today? They aren't special. Real big ones.

Let's see. A little milk, a little butter, maybe some fresh cream.

That's a real empty refrigerator.

How about some yogurt?

Natural, berry. What'll it be, huh?

Oh.

We'll skip the yogurt, huh?

Mrs. DeCole told me you wanted milk.

Yes.

I'd like you to come regularly.

I won't need much. I'm often alone.

Yes, I know. Mrs. DeCole told me.

You're Mrs. Lamoureux, right?

Right, Violette.

Where did I leave my bag?

I want to buy some milk coupons from you.

Where did I put that bag?

Besides, paying with coupons is practical since I'm always short of

Sure. Excuse me.

Oh, you must give me a delivery order form to put on my door.

There

it

is.

There it is.

You need a little skim milk, too. It's great for the figure. Sorry, I know. I'm

a little tough.

Don't be sorry. I'm not.

Telephone is out of order.

What's your number, please?

686 -3822.

What number are you using now, please?

686 -3822. Then your phone is working, madam.

Now, is my extension in the bedroom?

My speaker goes wang, wang. It's been two weeks now.

We'll send someone at once, madam. We're glad to be of service.

My phone in here goes wang, wang.

Zwang, Zwang. Uh -huh?

May I take off my coat? Oh, of course.

Thank you.

Give me that.

I may have to work quite some time on this thing.

These princess bones.

I checked the buzz with Central.

You don't like the princesses? We hardly sell them anymore. We have the

Contempera. They're made to last. I recommend the Contempera.

Got it.

Hey, I just can't help noticing what a beautiful little place you've got here

for yourself.

Oh, the place is all right. Oh, it's great. I saw from the window almost all

block is the same house. Oh, I suppose in the beginning a person could be a

little confused about what house is his. But I guess you get used to it. You get

used to everything.

Anyhow, I'm mad about the suburbs.

The best thing, it's not a small village type place.

It's not a big city sort of place either. It's amazing how much they're

I didn't see any stores.

But I'm sure there are some.

I wouldn't like commuting because of the bridge. The traffic jams must be awful.

I suppose all you have to do is just avoid the rush hours.

Wait a second.

Thanks.

Where is it connected?

There. Oh, good. I'll go check that.

No, no, don't get up. I'll pull the bed out.

Okay, hold it.

Am I too heavy? No.

I'm used to it. To my wife weighs 240 pounds.

Well,

the connection seems all right.

We'll just put this back.

It's awfully hot in here.

Your system really works.

I bet you're heated electrically.

I wouldn't mind if it were hotter.

Really? Well, I wouldn't advise it.

You wouldn't be able to breathe.

Let's see. This looks all right. Here.

Take a closer look.

It's amusing, a phone, isn't it?

Sure is.

Wedding wearer.

Your card.

It's really amazing when it doesn't work.

It's like at the company, they keep saying to us, fellas, go out and see

they work. Otherwise, they won't.

So we did.

Well, you know, that's how we got to be the biggest phone company.

We are the biggest phone company. Do you realize that?

You're the only one.

Oh, well, if there were others, we'd still be the biggest.

Yeah, I'll check the line at the office.

Hello?

No, no, I'm just checking.

Hello. Okay. I'm making a person -to -person call.

Hey, madam, you're not plugged in there.

You girls are dumb.

Any other problems, just call us up.

It probably won't be me being promoted to polls.

I like working outdoors for a change.

Can't take these overheated apartments.

You're wearing a low belt, too, I see.

Yeah, well, it's because I'm not very tall. If I wear it higher, it'll make me

look shorter.

Well, like I said, any other problems, just give us a call, day or night.

Good day, madam.

Good day.

Listen to this, Yvonne.

According to this leading doctor, the key organ for the possession of the

body is almost as unknown as the dark side of the moon.

If I were you, Fernand, I'd write to NASA about that. They might do something

about it.

Do my breasts look any smaller?

It's only the cost of living that gets bigger, dear.

Damn it, you're dumb, Yvonne.

I'm asking you a question.

But look! or are you too embarrassed?

You know that your breasts are the best.

Better than violence?

I don't know.

I've never seen violence.

Oh, my God. What is it?

Listen. They're tribal societies practicing the circumcision of the

as a right necessary for preparing the young girl for marriage.

Oh, stop that vibrating. It drives me crazy, Yvonne.

Listen to this. This right has as its purpose the eradication of all pleasure,

thus ensuring the wife's faithfulness to her mate.

Oh, Fernand, you bore me with your clitoris stories.

It's disgusting, isn't it? I'm trying to concentrate.

What are you concentrating on?

The company is looking for a French name.

What company?

My company, Canada Life.

No, no, Fernand, I've told you, not in bed. It's too dangerous.

Why a French name?

Because of the French separatists, I suppose. All the companies are looking

French names. Ours, too.

I don't know why you bother.

You're not in public relations. You're an auditor.

What are you going to suggest?

I don't know. I'm trying to find something.

Here, keep your smelly ashtrays on your side, do you mind?

Canada life isn't very French, is it?

That's because it's English.

Life.

I guess there's a word for it in French.

Sure. In French, the word is V.

Well, that makes it easy.

Canada V.

Canada V is a literal translation. I can't suggest that. Don't laugh at me.

If it were a French company called Canada V, I'm sure they would change it

something as simple as Canada Life. Why not?

Canada V.

Is Toronto the name of a country? Of course not. Go get my electric razor in

bathroom. Fernand?

What? Should I bring two or three suits?

I'll only be gone for four days.

You see?

You made fun of me when I gave you the name, huh?

I know. I couldn't believe it.

You should have more confidence in me, Yvonne.

It's true, my little punky.

It must be quite a ceremony after taking you all the way to Toronto.

Papa, the taxi's waiting.

I left a note.

On the table.

With my phone number, Toronto. Don't worry, I'll manage. Bye.

Yippee! When I grow up, I'm going to go to Toronto, too.

Yeah, hope and pray you don't grow up too fast, huh?

Put in the toast, will you?

After being gone three days, you're not very talkative.

Well, I just put in the toast.

Well, the Maxis aren't easy to sell.

That's for sure.

Well, they're pretty in the photos.

Designers are fools.

There.

Not too much better.

Hello?

Just a second. It's for you. Who's that?

at the barrel.

Mm -hmm.

Well, Your Honor, I must admit I'm flattered, but I'd point out that

it's splendid construction.

I'm not surprised.

Well, this weekend is perfect. It makes it a little rushed, but we'll make do.

Don't worry.

Thank you very much, Mr. Mayor.

Bye. Here.

Oh, you know what?

Our place was chosen the home of the year.

You mean our house?

Yes, ours.

You'll have to get a move on if we expect to be ready by Sunday, my girl.

Oh, the flowers that bloom in the spring, ta -ra. The flowers that bloom

spring, ta -ra. Please, Peanutweller, I'll really get embarrassed this

Don't be worried. I'll take care of it, madam.

Let me do something.

Never in the world.

Why not? It'll be something to do.

Oh, well, since you insist.

Oh, it'll be amusing.

Then it's my pleasure, madam.

I got shit.

To be

continued...

You caught me by surprise. I'm full of faith. Oh, is Nivon here?

Didn't you know he left for Toronto yesterday?

Oh, yes. Violette did mention it.

Want some coffee?

Haven't you got anything a bit stronger, maybe?

So I hear your house was chosen home of the year, right?

Yes, I'm not really surprised.

It's well constructed.

Here, make yourself comfortable. Oh, thanks. I will.

Yvonne was so excited about his trip.

Well, you know, Violetta's scrubbing, cleaning, polishing away like crazy.

She's changed, if you notice.

She seems dreamy most of the time.

I wouldn't be too worried about her.

Yeah, but she's always alone.

That doesn't bother you now, does it?

Well,

I'm busy.

Traveling in the provinces most of the time isn't exactly fun. Don't bother

that line.

I'll bet you're not bored often.

You know those English girls in the sack.

It's no big deal.

How would you know?

Keep me company. Have a drink.

Why not?

That's a great idea. I'm told that drinking at midday is healthy.

Here's to health.

This is pretty strong stuff, don't you think?

Hates you up.

I'm all for that. Let's drink up then.

Felt like a Greek god.

God's got nothing to do with this.

Oh.

Tell me you came over for this.

I know you did, Hugh.

I bet you're the athletic type.

Mr.

Lyons, Mr. Turcotte's here.

Yes.

Well.

Ah, Turcotte.

Come in.

I'd like you to meet our national vice president in charge of public relations.

How do you do? Harold. How do you do?

Would you tell me your first name again? I never can quite pronounce it.

It's Yvonne.

Ah. Oh, yes, of course.

Funny thing, I used to know a girl named Yvonne. Oh, yes.

Harry, Yvonne is the man who created the company's new French image.

Good. How long have you been with us now, Yvonne?

It'll be 14 years in January.

Harry was telling me that the board is very proud of you, Yvonne. Very pleased

indeed. Oh, indeed we are. This new French name, Canada Vi, should... Vi.

Oh, quite sorry.

Well, it should boost our sales quite considerably.

Although I must tell you, it comes as somewhat of a shock to some of us in

Toronto. It's a shame what's happening in the province of Quebec.

Oh, yes?

Yes. I understand it's useless to be restricted to the province of Greenland.

Oh, definitely so.

Have you seen this, Yvonne?

It's coming out tomorrow, isn't it, Harry?

Yes.

That's great for you, Yvonne.

Yvonne, the president of our company has charged me with this most pleasant task

of presenting you with this small token of our appreciation for your new name,

which does indeed...

to show our company's keen interest in the French -Canadian community and

as a whole.

Thank you very much, Mr. Lyon. Not at all. Nice to see you.

Thank you again, mister. You're welcome.

Please do drop into the office any time you're in Toronto, old chap.

And, well, would you be kind enough to show him around head office?

Thank you.

Well, here you are, Yvonne.

Right in the heart of Canada's Queen City.

Toronto the good. Yes, yes.

Yes.

Rich life, Yvonne.

Yes, yes.

Look over there.

Tallest building in the Commonwealth. Right over there.

Little New York.

Much better.

Center of Canada.

You can just feel the pulse of Canada here. Boy, I can't wait to get back

Right back to the center.

Let's go.

Fernand, where's Yvonne? He hasn't come back from his trip yet. He'll be here

later on. Don't worry.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're very proud that twice in our borough, the most

beautiful house in the suburbs award has been won right here.

It's an honor which rejects, uh, reflects on us all, but at the same

it's a huge responsibility.

and Mrs. Lamoureux all our wishes for happiness and prosperity and

posterity in this award -winning one -family house.

Thank you,

Mr. Mayor.

Many thanks, everybody.

I'm happy at this occasion to present to everyone

The man responsible for these festivities, Mr. Nobert, the architect.

Mr. Nobert, I'll say even more. And that is, you have nothing to envy in the

Corbusier.

In construction, as in all else, when you pay the price, you get quality.

My thanks to you all, neighbors and friends.

Dear Lord, we have assembled this abode, constructed this nest, where we live.

contented. In peace and harmony, may the Savior be among us and let us

all grow in our concern for others.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

Amen. Ready?

It's an oak tree, ladies and gentlemen.

What's happening here is good news on the domestic front for a change, and

local station is on the spot to report it to you as it happens.

A tree has been planted here, an oak tree to mark this happy event for the

borough.

This ceremony has reached an end now, but we shall always remember this house

which won, I repeat, the prize for suburban house of the year.

The first piece for the lovely mistress of the house.

And another piece for my charming wife, huh?

I feel awful that Yvonne isn't back yet.

May I have a piece of

bedroom with some icing on it?

He's the one.

Which one? Well, he's the rug cleaning man, but he's also Alderman of the

parish.

Excuse me, but may I get past?

Don't worry.

It really is a nice house.

Daddy!

Hello, son.

Hi, Daddy.

Oh, big party. Sorry I'm so late.

I'm glad you're in here, Tom.

I was afraid you weren't going to make it at all. My plane was delayed. I want

you to meet the mayor.

How do you do, sir?

He's my best friend, you know, Mayor? Yes, that's nice. And Jacques Dupont,

baker. Very pleased to meet you. Minus pastries in town.

That's right.

Tom, you must have a piece of cake.

Get him a big piece, Violet.

That's something else.

Especially the home of the year.

Hey, that's all, that's all.

Get down with it. Come on. Please, no. I had a Pepsi and a Coke on the flight.

I'd better have a cola.

Oh, you see my imitation of a fuzzy -faced girl?

Oh, cute.

Clever. Oh, thank you. And rabbits, I do, too.

He's a good little boy.

Stop that.

I think we should all make like animals.

Oh, you darling.

Please, dear, behave yourself. He's a priest, after all.

Fat for nerve.

You're not going to leave that there, are you?

Where else should I put it?

What's that crown she's wearing?

She won it in the Queen of England contest, dear.

Come on. Off you go to bed now.

Oh, it's full of fingerprints.

And that's all they gave you for your idea.

I got my name in the Quebec News.

Dragging you all the way to Toronto for that.

There was a ceremony. Besides, I had lunch with the boss, introduced myself

the board.

Oh, long live Canada life and the Queen.

Hello there.

Ah, hello.

My husband. I thought you were on your way to Halifax. Well, I'm on my way,

but... Hey.

Look at that boy go.

Hey, hang on. He's breaking his trot.

Well?

What? Your wife.

You told her?

Look, uh...

I suppose leaving your wife plus a beautiful house can't be very easy.

Uh, is it all right if we change the subject?

Let's talk about your horse instead.

Well, what do you think?

It's difficult for me to say.

Especially since I've got a soft spot for Violet.

Could be just her name.

Now, Bob, when you've got a wife that pretty...

I would really think twice before divorcing.

You know, that was a great party.

It was.

Sit down.

Just between us, that mayor's wife went too far.

She was a bit high.

Like everybody else at a party.

That's what parties are for.

Did I plan for me? Well, it's fragile.

Lovely like you.

Oh, my car.

Bob still asleep?

No. He left early this morning for Nova Scotia. I'll show you how to take care

of it, huh? Okay.

So when are you leaving your wife?

Now, don't get back to that sugar.

Bang!

That's one for your wife.

I'm suspicious of maniacs.

Bang! Oh, I'm shot. I'm dead. It hurts.

Easy.

Almost there.

Oh, please bring it round to the rear.

Could you push it a little bit more to that side?

Look, lady, we push it at every angle. It's not a banjo. You know it's a piano.

best place is right here.

Remember you gave me an appointment last week to conduct an interview on the

oppressed woman?

So I did.

Can I get you a drink? Oh, I usually don't drink on the job, but just this

A sherry? Oh, that's just groovy.

Coming right up.

So what sort of indiscreet thing are you going to ask?

Well, I'll ask you about your life, not everything.

But the replies are strictly confidential, I assure you.

And do the women you interview answer frankly?

Usually. If you know the things women have told me, you flip out.

And how would you like it if I told you everything? Oh, wait.

I'll take notes.

And I repeat, it's in the strictest confidence.

Here, have some of this first.

Oh, sure.

Well, here's to you. Well, me and my neighbor.

She's my friend.

Milkman arrives.

No, wait. What? That was right here in the dining room.

Bill, it's really emancipated now. And how? May I publish that in my article

without names? Why, of course.

Here's your article. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, your blouse is all wet. Oh, that's all

right. And you take that right off, you're going to catch a cold. Oh,

Never finish that article. I think I should. Come on, now.

All right. Here we are.

Oh, the zipper's stuck. Well, take your time.

Oh.

Oh, sorry.

I never wear a bra.

Oh, it's chilly.

Okay, hold it.

Good, good, good.

Now let's get another one. From the back.

She's European, you know what I mean?

They learn how to cater to men while they're still in the cradle.

Hey, you know, Yvonne, if you banged ten Chinese chicks per day, you'd spend a

quarter million years doing the job.

It's much too ambitious for me.

This way.

Please.

Do you like?

Oh, yeah.

Full treatment for my friend, too, miss.

Now relax, Yvonne.

I'll try to relax. Well, let yourself go.

Breathe deep. Come on, breathe deep.

That's it. Don't worry. She won't hurt you.

Will I get the complete... Complete is exactly what you'll get.

And we can peek at them for five bucks. Sure, it's a transparent mirror.

But they don't know it.

You suppose the women paid five bucks for a peek at the men, too?

Oh, Jesus.

While putting things straight, I came across that film of Bob's. Hurry over,

we'll have some fun.

It's marked convention.

Maybe it's only one of his college films. We'll see.

Is it in color?

Who knows?

I cannot wait.

Oh, it's a football parade.

Why was it marked conventionist pose?

You can see why. Is that somebody you know? No, but I'd sure like... Yvonne,

filthy rat!

Look at that!

Bye, bye, bye, bye. We've seen you enough now.

Come at least.

What do we do, Fernand?

I'm thinking.

My dear lady, you're really great looking.

Shall we try this position?

towards the light, please.

Oh, that's fine.

You juicy little thing.

Where did you get that funny accent?

Bulgaria.

Why are you always doing that? For that.

I used to work as a cameraman in Bulgaria.

Ah, bon.

OK.

C 'est pratique quand les draps contournent. Ça ne fait pas de tapons,

plis. Mais mon Dieu, c 'est difficile à repasser.

C 'est parce que ça prend dans les pointes de fer, hein, et puis ça ne

pas dans la repasseuse non plus.

Bien pour le dire, le malheur des uns, des fois... Fait le bonheur des autres.

Oui.

Je pense que je vais envoyer ça aussi, c 'est sale.

Tenez.

Tenez.

Ah,

good day, madame.

Good day to you. Excuse me, do you have a crack in the top section?

Right, upstairs.

May I?

Of course.

Right. Watch it.

Excuse me.

Dear lady, the plaster's cracking everywhere these days. They can say what

like. Plastering requires special temperatures.

All right, which way?

It's to the right.

The master bedroom.

It cracks like it was plastic, the crummy stuff.

When I think of what these houses cost, you never finish paying.

A poor guy pays all his life.

With 12 % interest to boot, you begin with a simple plaster can make a...

That makes me sick.

Hey, who do you think I am? I'm a plasterer. I don't like what you're

there. Not one bit. Not one bit.

Understand?

When they show films like I'm curious and yellow and blue and that Danish

it's disgusting.

You are disgusting.

20 years in business.

I've patched a lot of holes and cracks.

But believe me, it's the first time I'm hit with this.

The very first.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Not bad.

Oh, a poster.

Oh. You think this will wash?

Oh, I don't know.

Gay panties for

Yvonne.

You don't have to wrap up those.

Oh, don't. And then... I'm so sorry. It's Christmas. It must happen often.

You think you'll like it, Fernand? You bet. It's beautiful.

Will you take it or shall we deliver?

But, Violette, it's much too big. Why don't you have it delivered?

Okay.

Oh, Fernand, watch.

You're mad.

It must be that journalist who came to your house.

Aren't you worried?

might recognize you. No, it won't. I'm blindfolded. Oh, that's great.

And now

look,

that's true.

It's going to snow soon.

Yes. It'll really be Christmas then.

You got feathers this morning.

It's better than horns.

If this goes on, I'll look like Tiny Tim.

I'll fix you up.

But not in the middle of the room, huh?

Why not?

Because the whole outside will see us and the rug will be covered with hair.

right. This way.

Oh, God. I hope all people leave with this rotten weather.

Come here.

Be still. Careful you don't cut the ear. Please, don't be such a warrior.

Wait, I've already begun. You're pulling it.

Oh, you're such a complainer.

Come on, should I clip you or not?

Hey, don't trim me like a Pepsi, huh?

You're crazy. Don't be so smart.

Sit still.

Hey, leave that point at the nape. I like that there.

You know I'm good at this. Stop pulling it. Stop moving, dummy.

Okay, I'll stop moving, but do it right. Really?

Don't forget before you go to leave me money.

How much?

A hundred dollars or so.

What?

What do you do with all the money I give you? What's the meaning of that?

Okay, I'm finished.

I'm gorgeous, huh? Now I look like the village idiot.

Money, money. I wonder where it all goes.

I'll tell you.

Dairy.

$13 .42.

$13 .42?

What are you doing? Keeping a cow or what?

I don't feel that.

I think the

winter

will be long.

Yeah.

Well, aren't you happy to see me?

Yeah, sure.

Pretty cold weather we're having.

Yeah, it's winter.

I gather you're taking singing lessons.

May I suggest you begin courses in conversation?

Look, I'm taking courses in singing, taking courses in drama, taking courses

diction, taking courses in dancing, taking courses in ballet, taking courses

yoga, taking courses in judo, taking courses in karate, and all of it for

Nothing!

It can't be that hard to break into the movies.

It might be all those courses.

I know I'm not Brigitte Bardot, but still.

Brigitte Bardot is finished, my dear.

You think it's true I resemble Julie Christie?

Come on, I need encouragement.

I believe I've got what you want.

What did you say, darling?

I got a small surprise for you.

A what?

Remember I spoke of Playboy?

It's on?

Oh, baby.

What's up for a drink, huh?

You're terrific.

Naked? Yes, but I'll be there.

Oh, great.

Buongiorno a tutti.

Hello. Ciao. Hello, Marcello.

Va bene?

Bella.

E questa?

Si. Miss, will you come, please?

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Uh

-huh.

I must have some inspiration myself, you know.

To Magenta.

It's okay.

You're beautiful.

All right, everybody, get this straight.

I want to be left alone with my mother.

Please, everybody out.

Come on, you have to go too. Out.

Look at me.

Don't move.

I only should once.

Chinese food.

Violette, the chow mein is here.

Here, let me have all that.

Good. Two.

There.

Oh, now, don't be in such a hurry to go. Take off your coat.

Violette, come and help me.

Closest bear?

No, sorry.

It's a bad omen.

No, not a bit.

She was alone.

You know, it's well known.

Birds mustn't be alone.

Oh, two!

I took the liberty of bringing two.

Oh, I'm not sure I have the money, Mr. Lalonde. Oh, it's for the price of one,

dear lady.

It's sad enough to spend life as a prisoner.

Listen to this article I'm reading.

Birds dislike our presence.

As soon as they see us, they fly. They try to escape as soon as we approach.

Despite all our gestures of affection, they want to go.

They're unhappy living with us. Cats and dogs appreciate affection.

No species of birds does.

I've always wanted a fly. Really? What for?

For the freedom of it.

Haven't you seen written on postcards, bird's eye view, vol d 'oiseau?

It's always splendid.

You're not very happy, are you?

It's funny, I'm feeling butterflies in my heart.

been undressed before.

You've got goosebumps.

Are you cold?

No, no.

Will you please put my zipper down?

kind of angel with the body of a Venus.

Do you mind?

Stop moving.

Now, please hurry. I'm scared.

All right, all right. Don't do anything. I'm coming right over.

It's a dead man in your bed.

No point in bawling.

He has a too happy look.

Well, it's a beautiful way to go.

What do we do?

We'll have to figure that out.

First, you'll help me get him dressed.

And then we'll have to phone the police.

Oh, no, don't ask me to touch a corpse. But after all, he's in your bed.

Oh, please don't answer that.

Don't be an idiot. Answer the phone.

Oh, so what?

Bob calls to say he's bringing them all home immediately.

What are we going to do, Fernand?

We'll have to hurry. We'll hide them and then we'll see.

You're crazy.

This is no time for panic. Help me get him dressed. Come on.

God, that's a happy smile.

Careful, you'll hurt him. He's dead, stupid.

That's that.

Well, I have to go now.

Oh, no, please, Fernand. Don't leave me alone. You know I'm scared.

Oh, you're not even dressed yet. And they'll be here any second.

Hurry. All right. All right, Fernand.

Why are you looking so sad?

You'd think there was a funeral going on.

Go get you some martinis like a good girl. Okay, right away.

Everybody, let's have some fun.

Good night, young.

We had another show this morning about the Queen Victoria.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Monsieur François -Xavier Lalonde.

Alors, as -tu me ton capote?

Occupation?

Marchand d 'oiseaux.

Marchand d 'oiseaux? Oui.

Et oiseau?

Quand est -ce qu 'il s 'est envolé, votre mari?

Il est pas venu souper.

Mon Dieu, monsieur, madame, voyez -vous, là, il est pas encore 11 heures.

Votre mari est peut -être à taverne. Pas qu 'on permette.

Il a jamais pris un verre, monsieur. Ça, jamais, jamais.

Maxa, do you have a picture of the disappeared?

Are you already married?

I was with the religious.

The nature was stronger than grace.

Don't worry, we'll find your husband. First, I'll wait for him.

C 'est pas du boisset comme on maudit une claque sur la gueule.

Ma femme, John, ça s 'appelle Touche -Z -Pas. OK, OK, j 'ai Touche -Pas.

C 'est une vraie tigresse.

Ah? C 'est moi qui l 'ai adressée.

Y 'a rien que moi qui peut l 'approcher.

I'll knock over this chair.

This is my neighbor, Mr. Cooper.

Oh, the poor man. He just walked in this second, went over to hang the cage, and

then he dropped stiff as a board.

It was just like that, right, Violet?

Uh -huh.

Well, doesn't look good, Jim. I'll watch him. You call the inspector.

Okay,

stay where you are.

Hello, Chief.

It's no trouble. You better get the inspector over here.

Precinct number six. All right, out.

No comments, precinct number six. Especially to the press. Am I clear?

We'll make them wait. Won't be long.

Give me a little time with the birds.

Thanks, Al.

Hey, Bob. They called you home, too? Yeah.

It's the police.

Let's go and see.

That's your husband? Yes.

This is my house, mister. You say this is your house? Right, my house. Out in

the yellow room!

No melted snow on his boots.

It's just the way we told you.

No.

No, no, no, no.

Put one now. No point repeating myself.

That body was dead for at least 20 hours or more.

Besides, that man didn't die a natural death. I know it.

But I assure you... Hey, Kitty.

And you, the quiet one.

Suppose you tell me how it really happened.

Bring a man, both of them.

Violette Lamoureux and Fernand Turcot, you are accused of having caused in this

borough the illegal death of Francis Xavier Lalonde, first by abuse of his

physical resistance.

Secondly, through negligence by not assisting him in a moment of need.

Prosecution demands the verdict of manslaughter.

Excuse me, Your Honor, I must object. In the name of objectivity, I demand that

those cameras be expelled from the courtroom.

Overrule justice's public proceed.

Your Honor, we shall try to prove that Francis Xavier Lalonde did not die of

natural causes and that these two women are the ones responsible.

Sir?

I saw the body.

And, um, I was sure he was planted there.

Now, when a body is emerald green, it's because, in principle, it's already ten

hours since he's been dead.

Then I saw the two women.

You mean the two defendants present? Right. Those two right over there. The

brunette who's always speaking and little mousy blonde who's always crying.

After a moment, who did I see enter the place?

Those two cuckolds who were dumb enough to be deceived by these immoral females.

In putting the pieces together, I deduced, me, myself, personally, that it

not merely a most unnatural death, but almost a supernatural

death.

Will you show us the photos you took at the Lamoureux home?

You bet.

Once again, Your Honor, we shall demonstrate the insidious character of

two women.

Miss, you're a journalist for Korea Magazine, right?

Right. And you are the author of this article, I am a suburban man -eater? I

sir. Naturally, I couldn't sign my own name to the article.

Your Honor, I would like to enter this document as exhibit P3, I believe.

P3, that's right.

Will the prosecution proceed?

Of course, Your Honor. The double life of these two sexual fiends had been

on for a long time without fear that scandal and scorn would befall the

reputations of their faithful and hard -working husbands.

This month... Impeakable affair shakes the whole borough, I say.

This can't go on, Yvonne.

Now, I don't have to explain to you you're a bright boy, but I have no

I'm sorry.

No choice but to suspend you until this whole filthy mess is clarified.

It's not fair to endanger the good reputation of the company.

Our company, Yvonne?

Well, I'm convinced that...

You had nothing at all to do with this whole filthy mess, but sure you

understand our position, Yvonne?

Hear the confession of a young man who could have also become the victim of

these nymphomaniacs. What took place at 7385 Mellow?

That Madame Lamoureux or Madame Turcot?

Lamoureux, Lamoureux.

Madame Lamoureux. Ah, I got up there.

They flew at me and...

Strip the clothes off me. I interrupted in the name of decency, Your Honor.

I don't believe other witnesses are necessary.

For in the testimony of this young man, the prosecution has presented the proof

sufficient to send these women where they belong, behind bars, under

surveillance. Your Honor, the summation for the defense will be brief. These two

women risked the security of marriage to procure an instant of happiness to that

poor man left unsatisfied by his wife.

Exhibit P3, Your Honor, proves this contention.

Beyond all doubts, is that the expression of a victim?

A victim of happiness, yes.

I'm sure that any man in this courtroom would like to be that kind of victim and

have a death as sweet. The jury composed of 12 men reasonably informed of the

facts in this case have concluded that the two women are not guilty as charged.

Both are exonerated of any blame.

You are free.

You may leave with your heads high. You are two women in gold.

He wanted a drink.

Thanks.

Well, I guess we should get Vincent.

Right now, he's better off with his aunt.

Well, I hope they take me back at the office now.

Because after all, the case is closed.

You've closed it quickly, Yvonne. Been exonerated of any blame.

How about our reputations?

It's easy for a judge to say you're two women in gold.

Hold your head high, he told you.

The gold's a bit tarnished, if you ask me.

Some hypocrite, that's what you are, Bob Lamoureux.

Let's not begin to quarrel.

Get up and go answer it. Oh, yes.

Hey, it's a producer.

He wants us to go see him at the Hotel Belvedere.

What'll I say?

What does he want?

I don't know. He doesn't want to talk on the phone. What'll I say? Quick. A

producer? That's right.

Well, make it simple. You tell him we're coming.

We are? Oh, we are.

Come on.

Cuckolded one time, more or less.

I'll do anything you want.

Well, it's up to Pernod. Video closed?

I washed my hands. What are they laughing at? I don't care. I don't want

anything to do with it. What's up with you? I don't understand anything about

her. Trust me.

Hey, Pernod. I've just made the biggest discovery.

As big as Dennis Papan's discovery that energy was extracted

from steam.

I've discovered two of your Canadian women.

Two women in gold.

I'll have the honor of presenting them in the greatest show on Broadway.

Please, Yvonne, try and talk to her.

What should I say?

Now, Fernand, please stop crying, please.

Fernand Tricot and Violette Lamoureux.

We have the honor and the privilege of having with us today two women of gold.

Yes, we got it all together.

I think it's hard on a husband these days. Oh, one couldn't understand that.

So much has happened.

But they were very sweet, right, Fernanda? Oh, right.

Were they worried? Well, as a matter of fact, my husband was very worried over

his violence.

Are there any questions?

How much did you pay for the rights?

We were very, very glad to get these girls for one million dollars.

American money, of course.

Who's going to direct it?

Get Jewison.

Jewison.

That's a good idea, man. Get a hold of Jewison.

Can you get them on the phone? The best.

Any other girls from Quebec in that show?

About to have that Playboy magazine, will you?

I want to show you something.

Boy, these Quebec chicks are something else.

Oh, can we see, too? Take a look at that.

Can we look, too?

Oh.

These two girls are going to put Quebec on the map.

To tell the truth, I'm apprehensive about going.

It's what I've always wanted to be, really.

Yvonne,

quit getting nervous.

I'm very much afraid.

You know, I'm not a dramatic person. I've never performed...

They love me.