Original subtitles

I know Greta doesn't sound very Scandinavian, but my mother was English

couldn't win all the arguments.

When I first came to this country, I thought some of the more liberal ideas

love and sex.

And I'm the first one to admit that I was very lucky the way it all turned

But let's stop.

Hey, Gloria, make me a bloody marathon.

This night in here is killing me.

Coming right up.

That's a great idea.

Why didn't I think of that?

Thanks, honey.

Say, how have you been looking at the gates? Will there be a clock or

Grim, baby, grim.

But we'll find something.

You better, this place is so drag.

um

Thank you.

How are you doing?

Oh, listen to this. Lovely apartment in a quiet building for a fine young

couple. You ready for that?

Here's another.

Quiet building, no children, no pets.

And listen to this.

References required.

You've got to be kidding.

No, I can't believe it. They want references before they'll take our

We're home, baby. Listen to this.

For single swingers only.

Deluxe apartments for uninhibited unmarried.

Wow, terrific.

Let's move it in there, baby.

You don't find these too often.

Oh, yeah.

That's nice.

Well, as you can see, we've had it recarpeted and repainted. We've even had

drapes installed.

Really? Come on, let me show you the kitchen.

As you can see, the appliances are almost new. We had them installed for

girls that lived here before.

They only lived here for a few months. We had to make them move.

A little too wild, huh?

Even for a swinger's arms?

Well, never that.

They got married to a couple of guys that lived here, and our ad says for

swingers only.

The only turnover we have is when one of them decides to get married.

I can see you two will fit in just fine.

Well, Gracie, what do you think?

Well, I'm sold. Let's write a check and move in tomorrow.

That's what I like, decisions.

I know you two will fit in just fine.

I'm a little ashamed to admit it, not that I knew what the place was like, but

we did fit right in.

Apartments all separated, suiciding yourself.

That's good.

Hey, Arnie.

Vig the new talent.

I was just beginning to wonder about this place.

I'm hip.

Hey, let's go play Boy Scout before somebody else gets to it, huh?

Can we give you a hand with some of those bundles? They look like they're a

little hard to handle.

Man, could you ever. For a couple of transits, I don't know how we collect so

much junk. Yeah, I know just how it is.

Your lifesavers. This is Gloria and Greg.

Oh, yeah? Hi, thank you. This is Dave and mine's Ani. How you doing?

While we get to it. Yeah, come on. Let's get those boxes loaded.

We thought we were moving into a real cool place full of young people who just

wanted to have a good time. You know.

No neighbors to make a fuss if the hi -fi was a little too loud, or the party

little too late.

We had a great recreation room, with a pool table, a little kitchen and a bar,

and of course a lovely swimming pool.

And there was even a little exercise room, and a sauna bath, and that sauna

bath, whoa!

We didn't know it at the time, but it pays us all to pull away our people.

There was this one girl, Connie.

She was the apartment house name. You know, a sort of everybody's playmate.

She went with all the guys in the place, any place.

We didn't know it right away, but Connie was plenty jealous of all the attention

we were getting from her old boyfriends.

We were helping her.

Hi, baby.

Hi.

Then it feels good to relax a little, doesn't it?

You know, sometimes there's really too much action around here.

Well, right now, I could use a little, you know, that feeling.

I'm kind of tired.

I know what you mean.

So why don't you try using the vibrating band?

I won't do that.

Well, we'll see you later then.

Sure.

I thought this was supposed to be relaxing.

I found it stimulating.

Thanks a lot Phyllis.

I don't think we could have ever made it without him.

Okay, it's about the only exercise we get around here, except for an

splash in the pool.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Why don't we all go for a swim? You know, you two have earned a break.

No, thanks, man. I'm tired.

Okay, well, I think I'm going to go for one. You know, it's been so darn hot

lately. Okay.

We'll come back a little later with some drinks.

It's an old tradition that I've just established.

Thanks a lot, fellas. Yeah, thanks a lot. Take it easy, girls. Thanks very

I didn't know we had accumulated that much junk.

Me neither, but I'm glad we did.

Gave us a chance to look at some of the local talent.

Really dig that Arnie.

Oh, good. I like David more anyway.

I think we found a new home.

Great event.

Well, relax.

I've got to take a shower.

I really feel raunchy.

Okay.

Gosh, it was nice of those guys to help us move in.

I almost wish I wasn't that tired.

It would feel good to go up a nice swim, especially with David, but there'll be

other times.

No sense trying to do everything in one day.

I can't wait to get him in that sauna bath.

I'll show him some of the things we learned in my country.

This apartment is sure nicer than the other one.

I'm really glad we moved in.

It would be great living in a place where we can have a little fun.

In that other place, everybody was complaining about everything.

And there was nobody there who was interesting.

I've been in this country six months and haven't met any nice men.

And here I come and meet David as soon as we start moving in.

Oh, where's all this stuff going to?

I'll just have to throw something away.

I don't think I'll ever move again.

tied up right now.

Well, I'm sorry to have bothered you.

Hi, Ted.

How are you doing?

Long time no hear.

Yes, it's Connie.

Why don't you drop over for a drink? It's early yet.

Well... All right, then.

Don't call me baby.

I'll call you.

You brought some goodies.

Oh, hi.

Yeah, we decided that the inner body needs liquid refreshment a little bit

than the outer body.

That sounds good.

You better believe it.

Here you are, sweetheart, and welcome to Ye Olde Swinger's Arm.

Oops.

Why didn't you tell me we had guests?

Sorry, how many did this book take?

Well, Pee Bean Ruth.

She just loves to watch and listen.

Oh, come on.

No kidding. That's her bag.

Now, she doesn't know that we know. But sometimes, if someone knows that she's

standing outside, they leave the drape a little open and really put on a show.

Blows her mind.

Gloria, we really moved into a pit.

Say, by the way, What is going on around here tonight?

I thought this was supposed to be a swinger's arms.

It's been more like a tomb with a view all afternoon.

Yeah, well, one of the old tenants got himself married and taken a lease up in

Apple Canyon.

Now they want to break the lease, so the gang is up there helping them.

So you want to go to Apple Canyon and help break a lease?

Let's go to Apple Canyon.

Not for me, thanks. I'm beat.

Yeah, me too.

Gracie, I have got a couple of great steaks in my apartment someplace, so why

don't we go over to my place and throw them on the barbecue?

I even have a bottle of wine that is so groovy you can't even taste the feet.

Okay, Dave, that sounds lovely. I don't really feel like cooking tonight, not

even going out.

Oh, well, if that's the way it is, I'm a passing fair chef myself, and I make

some very good drinks.

Also, I have a very fine collection of etchings.

Great, I'll go get my robe.

Okay, yeah.

Well, so what? You've got to go to work early.

So what else is new?

All right, Mr. Sirius. Just forget I called. Forget it.

Hey, kind baby.

Where's the action?

This place is like a morgue, ma 'am.

You said it.

If you'd gotten that loaded here tonight, you'd be guilty of solitary

Hey, listen.

I've got some booze. Why don't you come and have a drink?

Okay. Whatever you say, honey.

You want a drink?

I just want to drink you in, baby.

Wonderful idea.

That was a delicious dinner, David.

Let me do the dishes.

Nope. The dishes can wait until tomorrow.

Come on, let's go in the other room. Come on, let's go into the other room.

turned out to be the slogan of the whole apartment.

Nobody seemed to care who it was with, as long as they went into the other room

with somebody.

I have to admit, I was terribly attracted to David.

And I tried to make things seem different than I knew they really were.

They, they mean me.

Sure, anything you say, baby.

What's wrong?

Nothing is wrong. It's just that I want to tell you something that I don't know

really quite how to start.

Well,

it's just that we all live wild, you know.

No angels and all that.

But there are limits, at least for me.

But, like Gloria, with her everything goes.

But I'm not condemning her. It's her life.

But for me, I'm not like that.

Love is something special.

Just not like nights, entertainment, like watching TV.

I'm hip.

You mean what you're trying to say, Gracie, is that you're not too crazy

my advances?

That's exactly what I'm not trying to tell you, David.

I want you to make love to me. It's just that, well, then you think I make love

to everybody, and I'm not like that.

I swear I'm not.

I know, honey, because I feel the same way about you.

Dave, please don't be lying to me. I can just take so much hurting.

I have some drinks, and so far I've seen neither.

Well, don't bug me, honey.

Who wants to stay in that crummy living room when we can be much more

comfortable in here, where we can really relax and take the weight off?

I'll get some drinks in a little while.

Yeah, Tony.

I know.

It was all a con job.

Well, I'll tell you something.

The first time I looked at you, I only had one thing on my mind,

and that was to get you here and to have you in my arms.

You know, I'd be a liar if I didn't say the same thing.

Baby.

I don't know what it is that makes me so irresistible to you tonight, honey.

But I'm awfully glad I have it.

You'll never know, darling.

You'll never know.

I love you.

I love you.

Relax, honey. It's nothing.

What do you mean, it's nothing?

Look, honey, it's like I told you. Ruth, she's a peep freak.

Well, she'll be a lot for a little while.

Don't worry.

Nobody here says anything.

Well, I'm saying something.

Look, honey, I'm two months behind in my rent.

Now, Ruth isn't going to kick anybody out who puts on a little show for them

occasionally.

And the way we live around here, you may be a little rent short yourself some

month.

That is a strong point.

Huh?

What's Gloria gonna think? It's night in my new apartment.

I'm not even sleeping in my own bed.

The first night in my new apartment, and I'm not even in

my own bed.

I wonder what Gracey would think.

reports to do before tomorrow's meeting.

I'm glad I asked.

I had a feeling it was the only way I'd find out.

Ask me anytime.

My, but you're charming this morning.

Charm, charm.

We have a lot of things to discuss, but they can wait till later.

I'm leaving for work now.

So long.

Goodbye.

Measurements check out to the inch.

Well, I guess the chick made some mistake when she was typing out the

report. That figures.

All day in a wild goose chase to find out something you've already paid

else to learn.

Hey, what's the matter, James?

Not your usual bubbly self today?

Something up?

Nothing.

Oh, then tell me you've had another beef with Elaine.

What are you, psychic?

Arnie, life is a continual conflict.

This marriage of ours is on the rocks and we just don't have the energy to

it off. Oh, don't tell me, man. I've been through that whole ritual.

Hey, that's not really what's bothering me.

I got this new chick. Great one, too.

But she won't go into a motel.

Makes her feel cheap.

No, hassle friend.

The swing of the arms will come through.

Who knows?

Maybe in a month or two you'll be a tenant there.

Look.

Get a copy of that made, baby. Anytime you want to use the pad, just let me

know. There's plenty of places around there where I can stay comfortably.

How about tonight for openers?

Sure, why not?

I wasn't going to use the place anyway.

Gee, Gloria, I just don't know what to say. I mean, about your marriage being

the rocks and all.

I know, honey.

That's all right.

I'll survive. It's just that Jim and I, we don't have anything going anymore.

Is there anything I can do to be of help?

Well, I'm rather embarrassed to mention it, but there is something.

Just name it.

Well, there hasn't been anything between us, Jim and I, for a long, well, for

months.

And, well, with Jim being away all the time, I've fallen madly in love with

another man.

Oh, that's wonderful. For a while there, I thought you'd sit around and mope

over the creek, feeling sorry for yourself.

No, it's not that.

It's just that Harry's wife, well, Harry's the guy, and his wife is

jealous and suspicious, and we're scared to go, scared to go anywhere.

Oh, honey, that's no problem. Look, any time you want to use my pad, just let me

know. And my roommate Gracie and I, well, we'll just go someplace else for a

while. Oh, would tonight be too soon?

Honest, Gloria, I'm about ready to go out of my mind. Of course not. I'm hip.

I don't know how you could stand it. Look, here's my key.

And I'll just give Gracie a call after lunch.

didn't know it at the time, but another girl had just moved in.

A girl who just seemed to want to make trouble.

She made it a point to know just what everybody was doing and if possible to

involved in it.

Today it all worked out. She picked a pretty good day to get started.

In most apartments it would seem to be just an ordinary peaceful late

but in the swingers' arms it was the calm before the storm.

Honey, this was a great idea.

Where'd you ever find this place?

What kind of line?

Sure, Gloria.

Sure, I'll remember.

A good friend of yours is going to borrow our apartment late this

If the curtains are closed, they're there.

Yeah, I understand.

That's okay.

I'll go over and see David for a while.

Sure.

Okay. See you later.

Well, Cupid, you've done it again.

Oh, hi, Gloria.

Come on up.

Hi, baby. What's up?

Everything's up from what I gather.

How about coming up to my pad? I'll buy you a drink.

Crazy. Why not?

What kind of place is this anyhow?

Isn't it bad enough the way we live?

Now we seem to be lending the building out to other people.

One thing I'm learning from this whole business...

Certain kinds of apartments, apartments which advertise with an anything -goes

approach, attract certain kind of people.

They attract people who are unsure of themselves, people who go to any length

prove how attractive they are, how manly or how sexy.

Hey, Arnie.

What happened? The office burned down?

I got kind of lonely for Gloria, you know? Well, she's occupied.

She went into Ruthie's.

Oh, yeah?

I knew she was a live one.

If I know Ruthie, they're not going to want to be disturbed for a couple of

hours. What are we going to do around this dump to kill a little time?

Hey, I met a new chick in the garage.

She's pretty groovy. Says her name's Philly.

Great.

How about the welcoming committee bit?

Right. Let's get some drinks. Okay.

Oh, it feels good.

After typing all day, my back really hurts.

Here, baby, let me give you some of my real relaxing treatment.

Cat's name is Dave Leo.

He's the welcoming committee with me.

It's a very old tradition.

Well, that's very sweet of you fellas, but my place is such a mess, I'd hate to

have anyone see it. Oh, fear not, sweet miss. We can adjourn over to my place

for the official drink and the welcoming music.

That sounds great.

Good.

Just to touch you. Oh, I know.

I know.

It's been so long.

Well, that's how there is to it. I was born to be a dancer, and when my parents

wouldn't let me, I just ran away from home.

Well, um, your parents' loss is the world's gain.

Hmm.

Between Ruth and Connie, and now Gloria lending our apartment to complete

strangers. I mean, who knows, strange people making love in my bed.

I'm beginning to get the feeling I'm being sucked in a terrible whirlpool of

sickness. Everything has an insane, dirty feeling about it.

Flow is no longer a beautiful, tender emotion.

It's a smelly, ugly game to be played before as many spectators as possible.

Oh David, David, please don't you be like that.

Oh, that's right.

Somebody's fusing our apartment.

Well, I guess I go and see David.

Oh, no, no!

Hi, honey, you're home early.

I can't believe it. It's a joke. It's a horrible dream.

What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with me? What's the matter with you?

David, I love you. You told me you loved me, and here I found you like this.

What would I have found if I came up ten minutes later?

I don't know. Why don't you come back in ten minutes and find out?

If you think this is something, you should see what your girlfriend Gloria

Ruth are doing. They've been over there for more than an hour.

That's a lie. That's a terrible lie and some awful joke in bad taste.

I don't believe you.

It's all right, honey.

Take it easy. It's all right.

Yeah, baby. Forget it. Let me go. Let me go. I want to get out of here. I don't

know what's going on here, baby. Leave me. Leave me.

What was that, Ruth? I don't know.

We better find out. It doesn't happen all the time, either.

Let me go.

I want to go.

Leave me alone. I don't know. Hey, Arnie, maybe we better go and calm her

Oh, man.

Okay.

They sold you out. Don't you get too calm, okay?

Don't use it.

I want to go.

I want to go.

Get off me. I want to go.

I can't stand it.

Let me go.

Let me go. I want to go.

Come on.

What the hell are you

doing here? And who is this cat?

You answer that same question and I might tell you. And whose husband do you

think you're stealing, you little tramp?

Who are you calling a tramp? Don't you call anybody a tramp. You're nothing but

a loser.

There's a good explanation for this. Take your hands off me.