Original subtitles

[♪♪]

[HARMONIZING]

People...

People, no humming with your mouths full.

Boys, eat the protein and get the hell out.

Come on.

Joshua, Peter, Michael, move it, now.

Come on.

Come on. Hey.

[WHISTLES]

Get the hell to school. You're very late.

Sandwiches. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye. Love you.

I love you, Mom.

Goodbye, Pop.

Bye.

[HARMONIZING]

Mother?

Bye.

Sorry about the mess in there.

I'm going to be late, so have a good day.

Tell Peter to drive carefully.

Is Peter driving?

Yeah, he's driving.

Peter, drive carefully.

Talk to you later.

Bye, Dad. See you later.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Honey, can you get that?

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

[HOOTING AND HONKING]

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Get that, honey.

Hello?

Doris, don't start. I can't talk.

Yeah, a lot of dishes, okay? I'll talk to you later.

Okay. Bye-bye.

Okay.

I go to bed at 10:00 at night.

I'm up at midnight.

I'm out here, figuring, looking, hoping, searching--

nothing.

I go to bed at 1:00.

I sleep for an hour and a half,

I come back here,

I'm here till 4:30 in the morning,

looking, hoping, praying, searching--nothing.

I shave at 5:00 in the morning.

I'm ready for work at 6:00,

and I come back here,

and then I'm late for work every day for two weeks in a row

so don't, please, don't give me any pressure.

Well, we have to do it. We have to do it.

We can't do it.

Leonard, honey, today is Tuesday,

so that means the kids' tuition has to be in when?

It has to be in on Monday. Monday.

I was up all night trying to figure it out.

Even with mortgaging the house, second mortgages,

my mother dying suddenly...

they can't go to Yale.

They have to-- What do you mean, they can't go?

Scholarship didn't come through. What can I do?

Leonard, I can't believe Yale would accept triplets

and not understand.

Yale just doesn't understand. They have to go to Yale.

Yale has to understand that they have to go there.

If they don't make any money in their lives as musicians,

do you know what that does?

Do you know what it does?

How are they going to-- how are they going to

make any connections at, I'll say, UCLA or CCNY?

They won't.

They'll meet basketball players, Leonard, that's it. No help.

So Yale is the only place.

We know that. We've talked about this,

the connections they'll make, people with checkbooks.

Big people will say, "You want to put on a concert?

Yeah, okay, I'll write a check. What do you need?"

That's what will happen.

That's why they will be going to Yale.

Okay, Seiji Ozawa, Mueller, all of those people.

Do you know who they are?

I don't know who they are, but they're huge, Leonard.

They're huge. One of them is a conductor.

Let me explain something to you.

Yeah.

I've been through this all night long.

I know, sweetheart.

Here. Look at this.

Tuition--$14,000-- $14,000 a year.

Multiply that by three. That's $42,000 a year.

Add incidentals.

What happens if, God forbid, a string breaks,

or they want to go out to dinner

or make a phone call home?

$50,000 a year, for one year.

They want $200,000

to send three kids to Yale for four years.

The scholarship didn't come through.

What can I do?

You don't have to say anything, honey.

I'm not asking you to say anything.

I'm just saying that the kids are going to Yale.

They are, Leonard. Sweetheart?

Don't forget your shirt.

The kids washing dishes, they can't end up that way.

They're classic musicians.

I mean, we're preserving their souls, Leonard.

Yale. Sweetheart?

Think in capital letters, okay?

Lunch, honey.

Lunch-- have something hot.

Have something hot. It'll do you good.

Morning, Mr. Hoffman.

This is for you.

Thank you.

Hi, Helen.

Len. Did you, by any chance, watch Nova last night?

No.

There was a show about twins and triplets.

I was thinking of those wonderful boys of yours.

When do they start Yale?

Right.

Good morning, Len. Congratulations.

-Heard about the boys. -Good.

Whole school's talking about them.

Get out.

Scram.

Morning, Len. I'd like to talk to you.

Hey, I'm going to appeal.

Be my guest. Just get lost.

Come here.

Hey, a man has a family, sometimes you have to do things.

You can't treat people like they're criminals.

Man has a family.

They think I'm an idiot.

What's his story?

Reports his car stolen, a '78 Bonneville.

I check it out.

I find the car in a chop shop.

No forced entry. Ignition intact.

Open and shut. I throw the claim out.

Len, want to congratulate you. Heard the boys made Yale.

Right.

No way you can afford it, am I right?

I don't want to talk about it.

Why don't you talk to Winslow?

Winslow?

Yeah. His whole family went to Yale.

Grandfather, all the kids.

Maybe he'd help.

I can't talk to Winslow.

Len, no harm trying, right?

So he puts his arm around her,

and she grabbed him,

did an airplane spin,

and threw him out the window.

Mr. Hoffman's here.

Send him in.

Mr. Hoffman?

It turns out that-- Come in, come in, Hoffman.

Come in.

You're busy.

No, please, come in, come in.

[GENTLEMEN LAUGHING]

Hoffman.

Good to see you, sir.

You came to talk about Yale.

Yeah, not for myself.

I have three boys and, uh...

Mr. Johnson, Mr. Samson. Mr. Hoffman.

How do you do?

Why don't you come in here and we can talk?

Fine.

Let's walk. What do you say, Hoffman?

Yes. Every time I laugh,

I get upset for the rest of the day.

I'd like to get away from all these people.

Open the door, will you, please?

Open it, Jim.

Yale, huh?

Yes.

I have three sons--

Is this thing open or not?

Here we go.

My wife wants me to pick something up.

Come on in.

Thank you.

Anyway, I have three sons and they're all--

Whoa.

I have three sons.

They're all brilliant students,

wonderful musicians, and terrific kids,

and they've been accepted into Yale,

but the economic situation being what it is--

We can't overreach ourselves, can we, Hoffman?

No, no, that's why I'm asking you, since--

So many people in this country

overreach themselves and get into debts.

It's a national tragedy.

My wife wants me to pick this up.

What the hell is it? You put nuts in it?

Jujubes?

Well, anyway, I thought, your having been there,

perhaps you could call the scholarship committee.

You know, I graduated in 1950,

and my son Edward graduated in '74.

My younger son, St. Clair graduates this year.

St. Clair graduates this year?

My God, how time flies.

Yes, he'll be coming to work here soon,

as the vice president.

Boy, that's a very good head start.

Ah, he's a bright boy.

Very proud of my family, Hoffman.

I'm sure you are of yours.

Yeah, well, that's why I was wondering, sir,

if you might perhaps intercede on my behalf

and call the scholarship committee.

It'd be unfair of me to do that, Hoffman.

Unfair?

To use my influence in that way.

We make our own way in this world, Hoffman.

I'm sure your boys understand.

It wouldn't be the same if they got scholarships

because somebody made a phone call.

Morning, Mr. Hoffman.

Morning.

Congratulations-- all three.

Please, please! Any phone calls?

Yes. A Mrs. Blanche Rickey called from Great Hills.

This lady's desperate.

She's called three times this morning.

Blanche Rickey?

It's about a homeowner's policy,

but she says she must speak with you, face to face.

Doesn't live too far from you,

so I told her you could stop by on your way home.

Okay.

[DOORBELL CHIMING]

Yes?

Hello. I'm Leonard Hoffman, United Marine Insurance.

Oh. The insurance person?

Mm-hm.

The insurance person's here.

Well, come on in.

Thank you.

Forgive me, but I can read minds,

not that I can really read minds,

but I think you're an honest person.

-Thank you. -I'm an honest person.

Good.

I think you're very anxious about this sale.

You need money badly.

Do you feel that I'm trying to oversell you?

I'm an honest person. Yes.

Uh, lady, forgive my bluntness,

but selling you an insurance policy

is about as far from my mind

as anything I can think of.

Would you like a drink?

No thank you.

Do you mind if I do?

Nope.

Come on.

I'll tell you how much this policy means to me--

Oh, that's all right.

In order for me to earn the kind of money

you're talking about when you say I need money,

I would have to sell about 250 of these babies

in the next week or two.

I don't usually drink...

but my husband's going to die.

He's a sweet guy.

It got to me

because I could never give him children.

I don't know if you know what I mean,

but I think I'm killing him

by not giving him children.

The doctor said

he doesn't expect him to live out the week.

Oh, my God.

Listen, forgive my asking,

but you do have life insurance on him,

don't you?

No.

You don't have any life insurance on him?

No.

Well, why are you fooling around

with a homeowner's policy, then?

Well, because--

because he's worried about it, that's why.

He's worried about his home.

He's worried about my security.

He's not himself anymore, at all.

Now he's in with the Chinese.

I don't know what he's doing.

He's in with the Chinese?

Oh, never mind.

No, tell me, tell me.

Well, he has all these debts.

I don't even know how much.

Maybe a million.

He gambles. He's an adventurer.

I'm not complaining--

he's a lot of fun.

I've had my share of the heyday.

Listen, this is none of my business,

but why haven't you ever gotten a life insurance policy?

That's what I thought I was doing with you.

No, no, no, no.

This is a homeowner's policy.

That just covers the house, the liability on the house,

things like fire.

What you needed all this time

was a life insurance policy.

Oh, I don't know. You do it.

I do it? What am I supposed to do?

Fill out a policy and forge the doctor's name?

No.

Look, I wish you'd leave.

I wish you'd leave,

because I'm trying to

tell you something about reality,

and you're talking about stealing,

because that's what that would be.

That would be stealing, so I wish you'd just leave.

Does he know he's going to die?

Yes.

Is he afraid?

I--I--

I don't understand.

He wants me to kill him.

I want to do it

because his pain is so great.

I need to do it, but I can't.

He doesn't want to know when it's going to happen,

when I'm going to do it.

I can't contend with that.

I just can't contend with that.

You wanted me to come over here

so I would figure out

some way of writing out some insurance on him?

No. Oh, no, no, no.

Let's just not talk about it anymore.

Okay.

I'll, uh...

I'll think about it.

I'll think.

Oh, I know that'll never happen,

but it was sweet of you to suggest.

I don't know what I can do,

but I'll think about it and you think about it,

and if somebody thinks of something,

then I don't know, I don't know.

That's my husband.

His heart is surrounded by fat.

He looks like a beautiful soul.

Okay.

All right, all right, all right.

I'll get you out of the truck.

Come over here to the back of the truck.

Come on. That's right.

Here. I got something for you.

Now, look.

I can't pay you now, fellas,

because, you see, in America, we don't always pay with money,

but I got these-- these are your W-2s.

Government, important.

The blue ones

are individual retirement accounts.

There's plenty for everybody.

Hey, anybody interested in a Mobil credit card?

In case you get a car, this is for the gas.

Yeah, you can hang on to the applications.

Oh. Be a winner.

This is the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes.

Here's your chance to make a quick buck.

And here, oh, boy, American Express Gold Card.

Now, fellows, are you hungry? Hungry?

Yeah? All right.

Now, there's a McDonald's down the way.

No, no.

No McDonald's.

Look, just hold on a second,

and I'll speak to my wife,

and I'm going to ask my wife

if she can rustle up something in the kitchen.

Okay? All right.

Darling, you're home early.

I'm in transit, sweetie.

I got to sell these Chinese to the Hotel Sheridan.

Oh, oh. This is Mr. Hoffman

from the insurance.

Oh.

You're the man that's going to help me

with my homeowner's policy?

That's right.

Ooh, ooh, the Chinese.

The Chinese, darling. The Chinese are hungry.

Do you think Wanda could serve something for them?

Of course, darling.

You know, make them feel nice and comfortable?

No problem.

Okay.

Wanda!

Would you care to join us, Mr., uh...

Hoffman.

In the house, to eat.

Mr. Hoffman. It would be very nice.

They don't speak English, but they're lovely people.

No. Thank you very much.

6:30 with the family, every night, like a clock.

Oh...

Okay, come on.

Come on, come on.

All right, move it.

[GARGLES]

What? What is that?

Oh, uh...No, it's all right.

It's all right.

No, nothing.

What?

All right.

I'm fine.

You call me or I call you, okay?

Yeah, we'll talk.

Oh.

Thank you so much.

Sorry.

I thought you handled it perfectly.

Well, he seemed like a very nice man.

Steve, you know we don't really have

anything to feed the Chinese.

Oh, darling, everything's going to be fine.

[♪♪]

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Hello?

I'm sorry, who?

Leonard?

Okay. Hold on just a second, please.

Some woman.

Hello?

Have I caught you at a bad time?

Who is it?

It's Blanche.

The woman who doesn't lie calling the man who doesn't lie.

Leonard?

Hello.

Leon...nard.

Leonard?

I want you to meet me tomorrow morning at 10:00

at the Rexall drugstore in Canoga Park.

Who was it?

Wrong number.

Huh.

We understand, Dad.

Sure. I mean,

we could always go to Polytech.

They have a pretty good

music department, don't they?

Listen. Let's not talk about this.

Yeah, Dad, don't let it bother you.

We don't want you to go broke for us.

You did the best you could.

We still love you.

We know you're not a Rockefeller.

I want to make something very clear to you.

I am not a criminal.

Do you think that I'm a criminal?

Do I look like a criminal?

Need some cards, honey?

Yes.

Perfect. We needed these.

I want you to swear to me

that he's going to die in six weeks.

I'm going to give you the number

of our doctor, Dr. Lopez.

I want you to call him.

I want you to check me out with him.

Swear to me.

Swear to me.

Mr. Hoffman, I asked you

to meet me at the Rexall drugstore,

and you said yes or something.

There's a deluxe accident policy.

It pays $2.5 million for catastrophic accidents,

and there's something in the fine print.

What?

There's a double-indemnity kicker.

It pays $5 million

if the insured

happens to fall off a train and get killed.

Want some candy? What do you think, huh?

How about some candy?

We need a lot of stuff,

but we don't have any candy.

You want candy?

No thank you.

We need Corn Nuts?

No, not this week.

Okay, well, how about down here?

WOMAN OVER SPEAKER: Mr. Sorenson.

Mr. Sorenson, counter one.

First we have to--

First we have to--

Kill him.

Okay. First we have to--

Have to do that thing...

Then I get on the train.

I'm dressed exactly like him.

Everybody sees me.

At a specific point, I jump off the train.

You're there.

We drag his...b-b-b--

Corpse.

Corpse...

I have two copies of the policy.

The second one

is the accident policy.

That's it.

Oh, honey, hi.

He's here? Are you crazy?

I just asked him to come and pick me up.

Don't be so jumpy, Leonard.

Oh, darling, what a surprise.

Well, not really a surprise. I knew you were coming.

Do you remember Mr. Hoffman from the insurance?

You won't believe this.

Mr. Hoffman?

I'm just so happy to see you.

Oh, yeah?

You know, I was up half the night

thinking about you.

I trust you.

Thank you.

I trust your eyes.

You know, my health, it's...

It ain't that good.

I've heard. I've heard.

Um...

Len?

I'm going to have a heart attack.

You have any idea when that might be?

Now.

I'm having one right now.

I don't like people to see me when I'm like this,

because when I get in pain, my face contorts,

and when I'm in pain, it's embarrassing.

Would you do something for me?

Yes.

Would you stand between me and Blanche

or anybody else that might see me?

Sure, sure.

So they can't see me? Would you do that?

Yeah, I'll do that.

Would you take off my hat?

Yes.

Oh, God. Oh, my God.

[CRASHING]

Steve!

Don't get near. Don't get near.

What did you say to him?

What did you do to him?

Steve, darling.

Steve, are you all right?

Steve!

What'd you do?

I didn't do anything. He wants help.

What did you say?

Steve!

Talk to me. Talk to me.

I'm here, I'm here.

I'm here, darling. I'm here.

[GROANS]

Steve...

Steve....

I'm feeling better.

I'm feeling much better.

Oh, darling.

I'm much better.

Yes?

I'm going to get some fresh air.

Of course you are, darling.

I'm feeling better.

I'm fine.

Uh, Leonard, would you take care of these things here?

Honey, I'm going to go out and get some fresh air.

Of course.

Mr. Hoffman, Mr. Hoffman,

thank you very much for everything.

I'd like to give--

Honey, I don't have a lot of time.

We'll see you tomorrow?

Everything's fine.

He said he'd see us tomorrow.

[GUNS FIRING ON TELEVISION]

Troops, people would like to get some sleep here.

Out!

[DOORBELL CHIMING]

Well, hello again. Come on in.

Leonard!

There he is.

How wonderful.

Leonard.

Leonard.

Oh, I thought of you so often.

It's so good to see you.

Oh, what a pleasure.

Come on in. My goodness.

Oh, that face.

I love that face.

Thank you.

I have papers here in case you'd like to look at them.

Oh. Oh, oh, very important.

Very important.

Business.

Uh, I think we should go in the solarium.

Right. The solarium.

There's more light.

Mm-hm.

The papers--

[BIRD CAWS]

Papers...

Okay...

See, my wife tells me

you're a wonderful conversationalist,

that you're virtually

on the genius level of intelligence.

Oh, I don't know about that.

Oh, my goodness.

I would love to talk philosophy with you some time.

I'd like that. I'd like that very much.

Now, what kind of philosophy do you like, Leonard?

I like simple philosophy.

I'd love to be able to work with Leonard together.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Wonderful.

Make a lot of money, Leonard,

but the only problem is that

we do have, uh--well,

we lose a lot of people on the boat

because of the malaria and the beriberi,

so sometimes the boats come in and they're full of dead people,

and then, of course,

you've got real trouble with the customs,

and it doesn't make any difference

how good a bullshitter you are.

Well, I'll... I'll stick to insurance.

Okay...

Here's the copies of the policy.

You do have two copies, don't you, Mr. Hoffman?

Yeah, two copies.

Yes.

Two? Why two?

Oh, one is just an office copy.

Well, why do I have to sign an office copy?

Procedure.

Well, maybe I ought to see what I'm signing.

I might be signing my life away.

Yes, we encourage people to look at what they're signing.

Aw, it's just a little joke, Leonard.

[CHUCKLING]

Okay, here's the pen here.

And here's...the copy.

Boy, you ought to do something

about that tremor, Len.

Yes, it's too much coffee in the morning.

Have you ever tried Brim?

No.

You know, it's the same as coffee,

only without the caffeine.

I've heard that. I've heard that.

All right, here we are.

Steve...

Rickey.

All right?

Okay.

And here...

Steve...R-I-

C-K-E-Y.

Well, that's done.

Well, I guess the old homestead's safe

for another year.

Yeah, I think that calls for a drink.

Leonard?

I don't drink.

No, no, no, no, no.

I've got something that you must taste.

Uh, this is a sardine liqueur.

It's from Norway. Have ever you had this, Leonard?

No.

Fabulous. Almost impossible to find.

Honey?

No, thank you, dear.

No. Well, she doesn't touch the stuff.

You know, it's really

a man's drink.

Uh, say when, Len.

When.

[STEVE CHUCKLES]

You know, in Norway,

the new sardine liqueur is released

on Vaevunstaedter's day, they say,

on November 1st each year.

There are lines around the block.

Leonard, to us, to the future,

to the house.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, no.

Oh, oh, it's my mistake.

[RETCHING]

I have something else here.

[RETCHING]

I know you'll like this. This is a brandy.

It's Mexican, but it's surprisingly smooth.

[RETCHING]

I know you'll like this.

I'm sorry. That was my mistake.

I'll try this myself,

and I'm not supposed to drink this.

I'll just try this. Try it out.

Excuse me.

[RETCHING]

No, thank you very much.

I have an 11:30 I ought to get to.

That's delicious. Blanche.

I'll see you guys.

Blanche, you try this.

LEONARD: Excuse me.

Blanche, try this. You know, you must.

I beg you.

LEONARD: I really have had plenty. Thank you.

I'm going to have some more.

[CLEARING THROAT]

I'll pour some in a glass for you, Leonard.

This was fine. This was plenty.

I'll just pour. Here.

Sustaining substantial damage to bumpers, headlights,

and deluxe wheel covers.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Congratulations.

On what?

On what?

I heard you sold some dodo our deluxe accident policy

on Tuesday.

-Oh. -Oh?

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

That's the world's worst policy.

You must have some line of bullshit.

Pays double for falling off a choo-choo.

Doesn't pay for plane accidents.

You must've sold it to a half-wit.

A Mrs. Rex All

on the line.

Who?

Rex All?

Rexall, the drugstore?

Well, that's what she said her name was.

Oh, no, no. Man, that's a lie.

Nobody has a name like that.

She said she knew you.

Oh...

Not Mr. Hoffman.

Well, he's a man, ain't he?

Go on. Hurry up.

Hello?

Yes, this is he.

He broke his foot, Leonard.

He's going to the Army reunion tomorrow night on the 7:01.

He suggested you drive him.

Well, he was so impressed by you--

Leonard this, Leonard that-- he constantly refers to you--

and he hates the way I drive.

I guess it's perfect.

I'll sit in the back, and then, at the right moment,

I'll put him out of his misery.

A tan suit? I don't--

Yes, yes, I'll have those papers for you tomorrow.

Goodbye.

Dr. Lopez, please.

My name is Insurance. Mr. Insurance.

Hold on, please.

Doctor?

Doctor?

Yes?

Yeah, hi, Dr. Lopez.

I'm with Safe and Sound Casualty.

We have a Mr. Steve Rickey

that's applying for life insurance,

and we need information.

Ah, si, si, si.

Yes, sir, I would like to recommend,

but it is impossible.

Señor Rickey has very bad condition.

Around the heart, the arteries have a hard-on.

Well, that's very bad for him, but good to know.

Doctor, thank you very much for your honesty.

[HORN HONKING]

Hello, Leonard.

Hi. Everything all right?

Ah, don't worry about me, darling.

Leonard's here to help.

Please let me help you, darling.

STEVE: You're so sweet. I'm fine.

Leonard's here.

What happened?

What?

Your foot?

I tripped putting on my pants.

And you're wearing the same suit as I am.

Oh, ho, ho.

Can you put this in the trunk, Mr. Hoffman?

Can I help you with this here?

Why don't you get in back?

Thank you.

I don't even know why the hell

I'm going on this foot.

Now, Len, if you were coming with me,

then I'd have fun.

I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time.

I'm sorry I said that.

The foot's killing me.

He's been a terror all day.

Well, you all set there? You all organized?

Oh.

What the hell was that?

What?

Did you make a noise?

No, I didn't.

You're hearing things, darling.

We'd better get started. I'll go put this in the trunk.

You're going the wrong way.

Leonard, look at me, turn around.

The station's the other way.

Leonard, look,

we're passing a cemetery.

It's deserted here.

I don't know. I give up.

I'm lost.

Now!

Now what?

[SCREAMING]

Is it over yet?

[GAGGING]

No. Jesus!

Just get it over with!

Goddamn it.

Get it over!

I don't want to hear it.

It's a mercy killing.

It's all right. It's euthanasia. Euthanasia.

We're all better off.

Oh, God... Oh, God.

He's better off. He's in a better place.

I swear to God. He's in a better place.

[SNIFFLING]

There's no reason to cry.

He didn't suffer. He went right out.

I just--I didn't even hear him make a sound.

I did.

It was kind of like a--

[GAGGING]

Stop that!

Okay, let's go through the plan again.

Get on the train.

Get on the train.

Two miles past Windsor Heights station,

-you jump off. -2.1 miles!

2.1 miles past the Windsor Heights station.

Take this key.

Right.

Open car 12. Jump out.

You'll be there with the car.

I'll flash the lights twice if everything's okay.

Check.

What check?

Check, check. It means "yes."

All aboard!

Everything's going to be just fine.

Big kiss, darling.

And your bag.

Do you need some help?

Whoa!

Upsy-daisy.

Thank you.

He won't take help from anyone.

That's just the kind of man he is.

Come on, get on the train.

Everything all right, darling?

Yes.

Now, have a wonderful time at that Army reunion,

and give my best to all the old Army buddies.

It's a beautiful night, isn't it?

Rickey. Steve Rickey.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

What's the matter? Forget something?

[IMITATING STEVE]: Valium.

My pills.

Oh, your pills. Where are they?

Three cars back.

Oh, it's back there?

Yeah.

Oh, certainly.

I'll get it for you. You stay here.

I don't mind helping out at all.

All right.

Three cars back?

Third seat on the right.

You know, you have

an interesting way of talking.

You sound kind of like an engine.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I'll go get that pill case.

I always feel sorry for a guy on sticks.

I'm happy to do it. I'll get your pills.

Oh, yeah. Thank you very much.

Okay, three cars back.

[YELLING]

Blanche? Blanche?

[WOLVES HOWLING]

[CAR HORN HONKING]

Who is it?

Blanche?

Blanche, is that you?

Of course it's me.

Are you alone?

No. No, I'm not alone!

I've got a dead body with me, Leonard. Honestly.

Blanche?

Oh, God, it was terrible.

The man on the train wouldn't leave me alone.

What are you doing?

Wouldn't stop talking.

Wouldn't leave me alone. Almost drove me crazy.

I couldn't get away from him.

Damn it, Steve.

Look at what you made me do to you!

Let's go.

Wait a minute.

No, you can't leave him here.

You do it. I can't. I've done enough.

I jumped off about 200 yards down--

it's the wrong place,

and you can't leave him with a blanket on him!

Leonard, hurry up.

Wait, I said. Jesus Christ!

Can't leave the blanket on him.

Nobody jumps off trains with blankets on them.

Why didn't you just roll him in the damn thing?

There's a million safety pins.

[HORN HONKING]

All right, I'm coming! Goddamn it.

Okay.

[LEONARD GASPING]

Okay, okay, okay.

You're going to Yale.

It's good, it's good.

TV ANNOUNCER: ...Resting in the weeds nearby,

clothes battered and dusty.

He asked for his Valium and then death.

Losing his balance, the police think,

and tumbling from the train.

Steve Rickey...

-Leonard? -Shh...

"A nice fella," George Noozel, a passing stranger, calls him.

A man of few words.

Tonight...

-Leonard? -I've got to hear this!

Jesus, Leonard. I'm sorry.

A man whose face is virtually unrecognizable.

Ripped to shreds, the police say,

by the force of the fall.

The last person to see Rickey alive,

a salesman of decorative poodles,

George Noozel.

Do we have cream soda in the house?

Nobody has cream soda in their house.

I'm going to go get some cream soda.

Leonard, at 10 past 11:00?

Yeah, I got the urge.

Nothing's open.

7-Eleven.

Leonard, not dressed like that!

They don't care.

This is crazy!

You're moaning in the hallway,

now you're running off half-naked to buy cream soda.

There's someone else!

No, no. There's nobody else.

What am I doing wrong?

What am I doing wrong, Leonard?

I'm doing something for the boys.

In your robe?

Listen to me. It's complicated.

It's very unusual.

It's extremely unusual, but I can't talk.

I'm coming in--

I'll be right in a bit.

I'm coming back.

Leonard? Leonard?

Get me something crunchy to eat!

RECORDING: Hi. This is Blanche Rickey.

What did you do to his face?

Hi. I'm Steve Rickey.

What did you do to his face?

If you have a message for either--

Christ, I feel terrible about this thing.

Oh, no, no. I'm not blaming you.

It could've happened to anyone.

How could you know? Some coincidence, Len.

Two days after they buy the policy.

Really, I feel terrible about this.

Yeah, well, you tell him.

[KNOCKING]

Mr. O'Mara's here for his appointment.

Yes, yes, send him in.

Well, gentlemen.

Morning.

-Morning. -Morning, sir.

Come in, come in. We've been waiting for you.

This is the grieving widow, Mrs. Blanche Rickey.

Mrs. Rickey, this is Mr. O'Mara,

head of our claims division.

Mm.

Ma'am, my condolences.

[WHIMPERING]

I'd like to introduce Mrs. Rickey's attorney,

Mr. Lloyd Nagle.

[SPEAKING IN STEVE'S VOICE]: Gentlemen, my pleasure.

One of these mornings

that makes you feel glad to be alive.

[LEONARD CLEARING THROAT]

You all right, Hoffman?

Your wife's cooking, eh?

Mr. Nagle, why don't you join us?

Get things underway.

Fabulous coffee. That real Colombian flavor.

Yes, really starts the day off right.

As an attorney, that's extremely important.

I'm sure it is.

Mr. Nagle, Mr. O'Mara, Mr. Hoffman.

My pleasure, gentlemen.

I only wish the circumstances were more pleasant.

No, stay there, Mr. Nagle.

We'll join you.

Mrs. Rickey,

we're going to join Mr. Nagle,

your attorney.

Are you all right?

Is there anything I can get for you?

BLANCHE: I'm fine.

So ironic, isn't it, Mr. Hoffman?

Just a couple of days ago we were all together,

laughing, alive.

Well, it's been a very disturbing time

for all of us.

One thing I am grateful for,

they were able to restore Steve's face

just like new.

Pretty ripped up, the cops said.

STEVE: It wasn't nice.

We viewed the remains last night.

He looked like linguine with red clam sauce.

I just looked at him and said...

Be ye, my bonnie, bonnie lad.

STEVE: Be ye my bonnie, bonnie lad

When the heather is yorn

And the calves go free to Loch Lomond

Oh.

And be ye, my bonnie, bonnie lad

When the lard goes twinkle, twinkle

We to purse

Sometime in late August

It's Robert Burns.

Mr. Rickey's favorite poet in Tiparillo.

Yes, yes, yes.

WINSLOW: Mrs. Rickey, we understand

the unfortunate circumstances that bring us together today,

but due to the bizarre and grotesque nature

of your husband's death, we--

we must ask you a few questions.

Of course.

Mr. O'Mara, would you, uh?

[CLEARING THROAT]

Mrs. Rickey, I know this has been a pretty rough day for you,

so I'll be as brief as possible.

STEVE: We would appreciate that.

Thank you.

Mrs. Rickey,

do you have any idea what the odds are

of someone dying by falling off a train?

No, I don't.

I've always been so lucky.

What could it be? Uh, 5-to-1? 10-to-1?

Approximately a billion-to-1.

No kidding? Really?

Ooh, I never knew that.

Uh, Mr. Hoffman, did you know that?

No.

Do you know the odds are

of someone falling off a train and dying

48 hours after he takes out

an accident policy worth five million bucks?

It's off the charts.

Statistically impossible. Never happened. Never will.

Why don't you say what you really mean?

You think I killed my husband for the insurance.

STEVE: Oh, Mrs. Rickey, no.

What about Mr. Hoffman?

Maybe he's in on it. He sold me the policy.

Maybe it's all a conspiracy.

LEONARD: Mrs. Rickey, I promise you--

How dare you treat me like some hussy?

Mr. Nagle, please?

Don't let them treat me like a hussy.

Gentlemen, Mrs. Rickey's

on the verge of a nervous collapse.

May I recommend an intermission?

O'MARA: You're both full of shit and I'm going to prove it.

Is that language necessary?

There's a widow in the room.

O'Mara, O'Mara, that's enough.

Now, sir,

in the interest of fair play,

I would appreciate that check for $5 million

as soon as possible.

We won't pay you

till we've completed our investigation.

Well, that's fair.

That's right. I, uh...

Well, as a matter of fact,

I was going to demand an investigation

in order to clear Mrs. Rickey's name.

Thank you.

Has to be an autopsy. Right, Len?

Yes. In cases like these, an autopsy is usually required.

Oh, Steve.

Rickey, got to slice him open.

Right, Len?

I understand.

Well, I'm all for it.

Now what we're going to have to do

is agree upon a doctor.

Now, Mr. O'Mara, uh...

you have on your list a Dr. Lopez.

I'll take him.

If it's all right with Len, it's all right with me.

Mr. Hoffman?

Fine with me.

My God.

Oh...

[SOBBING]

Gentlemen, she's emotionally overcome.

Thank you very much for your time and your patience.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

There we go.

I'm sorry.

There you go. There you are.

Want a bowl of soup?

Well done, O'Mara.

Break them in two days, sir.

Lunch, Len?

No, I have things on my desk.

Thank you, Hoffman. Nice work.

You ought to be on antibiotics, Len.

[LEONARD BREATHING HEAVILY]

Sweetie, I'll be in the bathroom.

You were marvelous, Leonard.

We were all good.

Hey, Len.

I want to know who was murdered.

Nobody.

Nobody was murdered?

No.

She didn't kill you?

No.

Did she kill anybody?

No, dear.

Did I kill anybody?

No.

Did anybody kill anybody?

No.

Oh. Oh...oh.

This is the happiest moment of my life.

Here, get you a towel.

My goodness.

Leonard?

I'm Steve Rickey. You remember me?

Who's the man by the railroad tracks?

The man with his face ripped off?

That was a homeless individual.

I don't know his name, Len.

No family ties.

Where did you get him?

From the county morgue.

You stole him from the county morgue?

Where am I going to get a body, Len?

What? Did you escape from a mental institution?

Len, can't seem to please you.

In order to collect, you've got to have a body.

Now, I couldn't think of a way to do it without a body.

If you know a way, I wish you'd tell me.

Leonard? You all right?

If you don't do anything else,

get yourself some Pepto-Bismol.

[LEONARD RETCHING]

[TOILET FLUSHING]

Blanche just peeked in. She said hello.

Oh, good. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Now, Len, now, the idea is to settle the autopsy.

Well, I'm not going to be at the autopsy.

Leonard, we're this close to the money.

You're the broker on the case.

You going to go like this, with the wig?

No, Leonard, that was just...

that was a crazy impulse.

I had to be there to see peoples' faces.

Look, I'll never do that again.

We'll get the money.

All good thoughts.

That's already out there, dear.

Come on. Let's go.

This rental place is going to murder us if we're late.

They're going to charge us an extra day.

How much for the birds?

High. Wildlife is high. $50 a day.

Ah, that's not too bad.

Not too bad?

How much was my Frank Buck suit,

the one with those pants that stick out?

The safari outfit. To die.

Steve, you in jodhpurs.

Romantic, huh?

Took my breath away.

I'm keeping the hat. How much?

A lot. That and the widow's piece were $75.

Aw, that's not to worry.

Not to worry?

We don't have it.

I'll get it from Len. He seems like a nice guy.

What about the big-ticket items?

Like the truck and the car?

We leave them in the field, pay later.

I love your attitude. You're so confident.

What can go wrong?

It's all in the planning, cookie.

We did our homework, case closed.

Pick up the money.

Okay. Okay, anything you say.

What about Leonard?

Oh, Len?

He's like a dog with a bone.

Really? After all that vomiting?

Yeah, must've been something he ate,

because when he gave it up, man, he snapped right back.

Happy about the kids? Ecstatic.

He's a little gun-shy about the autopsy tonight,

but underneath, seventh heaven.

Still like to get it over with.

I'd like to--

Len, come on.

Let's go, let's go.

Well, you know, you work on a case,

you want to get it over with.

Yeah, up or down, up or down.

Hey, wait a minute. It's not that easy, Len.

Up or down, up or down.

We just can't pay out

a check for five million bucks, Len.

You know? We've got to study this.

I keep asking myself,

a guy falls off a train going 20 miles an hour...

[CHUCKLING]

how the hell does he lose his face?

Oh, you know, maybe he's got a weak face.

Doesn't make any sense.

Well, that's your field of expertise, not mine.

You really ought to be on antibiotics, Len.

I never saw anybody sweat like that.

Swine flu. Swine flu, John.

That lawyer of hers. Nagle?

How are you?

What about him?

No record of him

either at the county clerk or the county bar.

Well, yeah, maybe he just passed the bar.

Maybe he just passed the bar.

Maybe he ain't a lawyer.

From the insurance, yes?

Yes, I'm John O'Mara. This is Len Hoffman.

Very nice.

Hope we're not intruding.

Oh. No, no, no. Everything is all ready.

Please.

Great, great. In there?

To the right.

I love morgues.

In here?

This way. This way.

Hey, where's Len?

Oh, I thought he was here.

Let me go.

No, no, I will go.

No, he's sick--

You wait. We'll be a minute.

Yeah, but he's sick.

Hey, take it easy with him.

Mr. Hoffman? You must come downstairs.

No, no, we have a slight problem.

It's all right.

Problem?

The man with no face. There was a mix-up.

A mix-up?

He was buried this morning, so we have to improvise.

[LEONARD MOOS]

No, it's nothing to moo about.

It will be fine, you'll be fine. Come.

Beautiful weather.

Course, they say it might rain.

What the hell's going on?

But then they revised it. He's fine. He's fine.

Yeah? Sure? Sure?

Yeah, I'm good.

You've got the flu. You can go home.

I can finish this if you want, you know.

No, I'm here. Might as well.

-You sure? -Yeah.

Down here. Take it easy, now.

Okay. Through here?

Yes, yes, yes.

This--this is where...

where my little friends are all asleep.

It's a little joke we make. They're all dead.

You will find too cold in here?

No. Fine with me. Len?

Fine, fine.

You've been in morgues before?

Aw, sure, a lot of times.

I like morgues.

Not me, no, not me.

I could show a short film.

Hey, doc, let's get the show on the road.

Where is he?

The late Señor Rickey?

Yeah, yeah, the late.

[SNAPPING FINGERS]

You eat yet, Len?

I had a little goulash.

Yeah? I love goulash.

Yeah?

That him, doc?

Si, si. The moment of truth, yes?

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, come on, Len, let's go.

Now...

[CLEARING THROAT]

I was able to perform

a radical reconstructive surgery

on Señor Rickey.

How the hell can you restore

a face that was completely ripped off?

Ah, that is not easy, my friend.

It's impossible.

Ah, no, nothing is impossible

if you believe with the heart.

Is true, yes, Señor Hoffman?

I don't know these things.

El corazon.

Hey, doc, cut the shit. Let's go.

Presenting...

the late Señor Rickey.

Is that him, Len?

That's him, all right.

Tremendous job, doc, got to say.

Started with nothing, huh?

LOPEZ: Oh, it's tremendous work.

In order to reconstruct the nose, for example,

I was forced to use a portion of his penis.

You used part of his pecker?

-Si, si. -That's amazing.

Oh, yes.

Just don't rub the nose.

Don't rub his nose?

Very good, doc.

Like Pinocchio, huh? You hear that, Len?

Very funny joke.

Don't rub his nose.

That's a hell of a job, doc. Hell of a job.

Can't even see the scar.

Careful, don't touch,

because the cosmetic has not quite finished the process,

you know, it's...

Um, you did an autopsy this afternoon?

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

And?

The cause of death is the broken neck.

Broken neck. Son of a bitch.

Broken neck's a broken neck.

No, no, Len. Broken neck-- you've got to pay for that.

You have to pay, you have to pay.

I'll tell you something, doc.

Si?

I have a different theory.

You don't like the broken neck?

My theory is, um...

My theory is... this bastard's still alive.

[STEVE YELLS]

Oh, we lost this one.

What'd I tell you, Len? The whole thing was screwy.

Face ripped off.

You're all under arrest, every one of you.

All right, fellas, get some tape, tie him up.

We're going to kidnap you. You're going to come with us.

Len, will you help me over here?

LOPEZ: Mr. O'Mara,

remember where you are, please.

Get him out of here. Where's my clothes?

Get away from me. Leonard.

Shh, shh, shh. Shh, shh, shh.

Who's got my pants?

All right, over here.

Señor Rickey, here's your pants.

There is no problem.

Leonard, get in the car.

Leonard!

We just chalk that up to experience, Leonard.

You can't win them all, kid.

Get in the car.

Well, we blew it, doc.

Could've been the makeup.

What happened?

Oh, nothing to be alarmed at, sweetie.

Couple loose ends we've got to pick up.

We're still on track.

What happened?

Does anybody want air conditioning?

How about you, Len?

Len's not talking.

He's out to lunch, which is good.

Is this over?

Are we still getting the money?

Sure, we're going to get the money.

"Congratulations," said the doctor.

"You're the father of three fine boys,

and they all look exactly like you."

Who looks like who?

Who looks like who, Leonard?

Honey, he's not actually talking.

He's just reminiscing.

Just let him enjoy himself.

I think I'd like to go to the bus station.

You're probably right.

We'll use them for middle names.

That sounds more...

Things are going good, sweetie.

I'm not saying perfect--

I wanted to be a musician.

The bus station, now. Leonard, can you hear me?

I understand, sir...

I'm off to San Jose.

I'm Blanche Linoor, the actress.

Sweetie...

I'll be appearing in Man of La Mancha

with Dick Cavett.

All right, that's it! That's it.

-What? -Finished.

Steve...

are you crazy?

What are you doing?

Out, Blanche.

What?

Let's go. Out.

What did I do?

Blanche.

[CAR HORN HONKING]

I don't expect bouquets, Blanche,

but a little understanding--

Steve...

we kidnapped the insurance investigator.

I put a lot of thought into this scheme,

stayed awake nights.

Rented the birds.

Nagle, the bald guy.

Hey, this is all good stuff.

Sardine liqueur, wildlife motif.

I'm not saying it wasn't brilliant, Steve.

I'm just saying it didn't work.

Didn't work? Why? Just because

we hit one little snag and lost the body?

Steve, we've kidnapped the insurance investigator.

Two little snags.

He knows you're alive. He sees you walking.

He sees you talking.

Honey, listen,

you know, I can't deal with this,

because you take the heart out of me.

Everything you say is negative.

Who can function in this atmosphere?

I don't think you're hearing me, Steve.

We are on the verge of millions,

and you want to take a bus to San Jose

so you can act with Dick Cavett.

What verge? What millions?

Did you see that?

[MUFFLED]: Len!

We almost lost Leonard.

Did you see that?

What, it's my fault?

Well, whose fault is it? Mine?

Yes.

My fault?

I believe so, yes.

My fault?

[LAUGHING]

Everything is my fault.

Inflation is my fault.

Your father's snoring, that's my fault.

Everything is my fault.

All afflictions--

baldness, heartburn, that's me, Blanche.

Khomeini? I'm in back of Khomeini.

Everything. Steve Rickey.

I don't care what Glenn Gould did, boys.

Strabovich says that if you dip your fingers

into bowls of hot water, they get all electric.

I'm writing to my family.

A statement of principles and a statement of philosophy.

Good. Do that on the side, Len.

Look, I'm tired.

I've got to take a break now.

A short break.

He's a brilliant guy,

but sometimes I just can't get through.

So don't talk to yourself anymore.

Don't get nervous.

Now, I'd love to go on with you,

you know, together.

We could go up to Winslow's,

and we'll make that settlement,

get the money,

and if we don't make it, we'll both grab him--

grab him by the throat, turn him upside down,

and we'll kidnap him.

What do you say?

I'm going to bend over.

If you agree, touch my back.

If you don't agree, don't touch me.

All right. I'll go in.

I'm going to ask him for $4 million tonight.

Now, he's going to offer two.

We'll settle for three.

A million and a half each.

Is that all right?

Sounds right.

You've got to go for it.

The house is dark.

It's completely deserted.

There's nobody home.

Let's just get out of here now.

Perfect. We'll go rob the place.

-Good idea! -Right?

They've probably got dogs.

They're rich. They've got dogs.

Dogs? What are you talking, dogs?

Alarm systems.

Dogs love me.

-Alarms? Forget the alarms. -Don't be an idiot!

Two minutes, we're in and out.

We're not going to take anything heavy.

Light stuff that travels.

You want light stuff, heavy stuff?

You going to listen to her or what?

I want to go in and rob.

We can stay as long as we want.

Good enthusiasm. Let's go.

She's an odd person. She's theatrical...

and she's frightened for me.

I think I'd miss that if that wasn't there.

I don't want to hear about this.

I want to concentrate on the robbing.

Heart of gold, though. Heart of gold.

Family's from New Jersey,

so you know she's well brought up.

That's it. There you go.

As long as you do it with style,

then nothing else matters.

What do we do now?

Well, now we go around to different rooms,

you know, and you see what you like,

and if you like it, you take it,

and if you don't like it, don't take it.

Right.

Be discriminating.

Don't take what you don't like.

Right.

Steve...

Steve.

Come here. Come here.

That's what I want.

That's a very good choice, Leonard.

Thank you.

A Michelangelo.

I had a feeling.

That's the pick of the litter, Leonard.

Thank you very much.

What do we do? Break the glass?

Jimmy it.

-In here? -In there.

-Jimmy it. -Pry that.

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

Wonderful.

Now we take it and we get out of here.

-Big piece. -Oh, boy.

But it's a beautiful piece.

It's a good choice.

Thank you.

Did you see The Agony and the Ecstasy?

Many years ago.

Charlton Heston?

Not bad.

I must admit, that was a boring party.

♪♪ Happy birthday to you ♪♪

♪♪ Happy birthday to you ♪♪

♪♪ Happy birthday, dear Graham ♪♪

♪♪ Happy birthday to you ♪♪

Dear friends, I am truly surprised.

You know, when we came up to the house tonight,

it was all dark.

I turned to Millie and said,

"My God, we must've lost our power."

[LAUGHTER]

Oh, Fred, you dirty rat.

You're the one responsible.

I can tell by that look in your eye.

Millie, you look beautiful.

Harriet, you came all the way down for this.

Thank you, Julie. Back from the Bahamas.

Look at you all.

Dorothy, thanks for being here.

No, no. No cake. Just a big drink.

A double, double. Thank you.

One for me, one for my lady.

There we go.

Who's that over there?

Hoffman?

Hoffman, what are you doing here?

Why are you walking around with my Michelangelo?

Yeah...

Oh, this is a Michelangelo?

Oh, I thought it was. I mentioned that to Leonard.

Yes, he did.

This is a beautiful piece.

Get out. Or I'll call the police.

People must've been much shorter in those days.

We were actually on our way out anyway.

Well, we had that business that we wanted to discuss.

I want you out of my house.

I'd like to thank you for sharing your birthday.

Lovely party.

Now. Both of you. Out. Get out.

Enjoy, everyone.

-We'll talk Monday. -Right.

Len, you want to take this?

Nah.

Beautiful home.

If you ever want to rent it...

I didn't feel welcome there.

I don't know about you.

18 years I worked for that man.

18 years.

Len, I didn't pursue the settlement.

I just didn't think the timing was right.

He kicks me out of his house.

I'd kick him out of my house.

Leonard, they're snobs.

They're just not our kind of people.

To hell with him. If we can't rob his house,

we'll go rob him in the office.

I just don't want us to run off like crazy people.

No.

[♪♪]

You'd think they'd keep the place up, Len.

I'll check the log,

make sure no one's upstairs.

Davis, out. Leon, out.

Perfect. So far, so good.

You don't want to sign in.

You're the best.

Okay. There's a switch under here.

I saw him hit it when I was in the office.

I notice everything.

Through here?

Of course.

There it is.

Huh?

This is the safe,

the one that I was telling you about.

Everything we want is in there.

There's no tumblers.

No, that's right.

This is electronic.

That's right.

Jim pushed a button over here.

Yeah. The guy told him to press something,

so he pushed it.

Here.

[BEEPING]

[BEEPING]

What are you doing? The safe is over here.

Why don't we do this together?

Yeah, let me do it. I'll do it.

Boy, this is working like a charm.

Okay, now you can hold the light.

Let's see, now, two lights.

Okay.

Okay.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

This is what I call pleasure.

This is fun.

Now, Leonard, don't be disappointed

if we get back there, you know,

and--and-- because, uh, you know,

I just don't want you to be disappointed.

We'll find another way.

No, no, nothing worthwhile ever comes easily.

Hey, you see The Great Escape?

Steve McQueen? Boy, those guys work.

Oh, lookie here.

Leonard. Leonard, you hear how thin that is?

It's going to go easy.

Listen, Leonard. It's like an eighth of an inch.

Leonard, get the stuff. This is going to work.

The briquettes?

Yes, Leonard, everything.

We're going to blow it. This is going to work.

Hurry up!

-Steve? -What?

Want to come here for a minute?

What? What's the problem?

There's somebody here and he's looking at me.

Well, ask him what he wants.

I don't want to.

You ask him what he wants.

Hey, how you doing? Bear with me a little minute.

Be right out.

Get out of here.

You're cramping my style.

Hey, what do you say?

Steve, what's happening out there? Everything all right?

So, what's up?

What's happening out there? Who is that?

If you're a crook, we beat you to it.

If you're a cop, no harm done. Yeah, a little hole in the wall.

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

[CHUCKLING]

Yeah, French? Bonjour.

Oui, si.

[CHUCKLING]

Leonard? Leonard, uh, you speak French, Len?

What is that, the authorities? What is it?

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

[CHUCKLING]

Italian, huh? No.

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

Un poco. Little bit.

Que?

We don't like to speak in English.

It's against what we stand for.

Are we going to get incarcerated?

Are you in the process of robbing this place?

Yes, as a matter of fact, we are.

We are in the process of blowing it up.

What's getting blown up?

What time is that going to take place? This--

[MAN SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

What are you shooting for?

We've got gold in here. Are you crazy?

Hit him.

On the head, Leonard. Hit him.

Beautiful.

[SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

Don't understand gold. They must be very ignorant.

Don't worry. I'll make a deal.

Hello? Listen, fellas?

We don't want to do anything to you.

We want to make a deal for gold.

Five minutes. This whole place is going to blow up.

God almighty.

[SHOUTING]

STEVE: Anybody hurt?

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

Why don't we make a deal?

We've got gold in here.

Capisce gold?

Comprendo gold?

And, you, I don't speak English.

[BOMB TICKING]

[MUFFLED SPEAKING]

Oh.

You've got to untie me.

We're dealing with one of the biggest companies in the world.

They have as much money as an oil company,

and these people can be very dangerous if you get them angry.

We're not talking about a light jail sentence for these boys.

We're talking about them being mm-mm-mm--blown away.

They haven't done any damage. Everything'll be all right.

Don't let anything happen to them.

They don't mean any harm. They're cute.

Hurry.

I promise nothing is going to happen to them.

Say it again.

Nothing is going to happen to them.

They'll be all right. Nothing's going to happen.

They'll be all right.

You said you promised!

I promise!

They're going to be all right.

Nothing will happen to them.

What the hell's going on here? Frank?

[SIRENS]

Hey, lady?

Hey, lady.

There are terrorists

about to blow the building there.

What are you doing here?

We know there are terrorists up there

trying to blow up the building,

so Mr. Leonard Hoffman,

who works for United Marine,

Mr. O'Mara, who's the head of security,

who works directly with Mr. Winslow,

and Steve Rickey, my husband,

have just gone up there to try and stop them.

Would you mind giving me those names again?

Not at all.

What the hell is this? What's going on here?

Hey, who are you?

What are you doing here?

Who are you?

I asked you, who are you?

Who are you?

You don't ask me who I am.

Who are you and what are you doing here?

Who are you?

Who are you and what are you doing here?

Who are you?

Who the fuck are you? Tell me now.

Don't fuck me, fuck you.

You tell me who you are, and you tell me right now.

I'm with security. Who are you?

This is who I am--

All right, take it easy.

Take it easy.

I've got dynamite here. That's dynamite.

Damn gun jammed.

Help! Help!

Help!

I shoot you. I shoot you.

I can shoot. I'll shoot you.

I'd better go out there and see what's going on.

You're not going.

I've got to go see what's happening!

You don't know what you're doing.

What's going on, John?

Oh...

[LEONARD WHIMPERING]

Drop it!

[KNIFE DROPPING]

Oh, the wires.

I've got to get my building back.

This is my home.

I've worked here for 20 years.

It's too late!

In 25 seconds, the whole place is going to blow up.

The whole place.

Everybody I know has worked here.

You bastards, this is the executive bathroom!

It's in here, guys.

The timing device is here. I got it. I got it.

I got it.

Oh, God. Oh, God, it's still ticking.

Get back. Get back, Steve.

God damn, it's ticking. It's ticking.

Len?

It's ticking. It's ticking!

We're not in the clear yet, guys.

It's ticking, guys. Look out! Run for your lives!

Help me break it. Help me break it.

Get him up.

I got it. Nothing to fear now.

Thank God for you police. You really saved our lives.

What are you talking about?

I'm a civilian.

Look, I'm not looking for any glory here,

but I rounded up, single-handed, about 10 guys with a weapon.

No, I'm just going to stay... I'm just going to stay here.

You don't know what the hell's going on here.

He's Len Hoffman. He saved the whole thing.

Yeah, he's a little panicky now.

What do you think you're...

You think he needs some medical treatment?

Well, I can understand. What he went through.

Unbelievable.

I said, do you think

he might need some medical treatment?

No, we'll take care of him. He'll be fine.

Yeah, sure.

I'm just going to sit down.

What is your name, sir?

You don't know how close we all came, fellas. Oh.

The terrorists here in the building

came all the way down, followed--

Your name. Your name, sir.

-Huh? -Your name?

I'm Steve.

Steve?

Just plain Steve?

Steve Rickey. Nice to see you.

Oh, right, Rickey, Rickey. Right.

The blonde lady downstairs told us about you.

-These guys are clear. -Blanche?

Yeah. She's okay. Everything's okay.

You don't know how close we all came.

Well, we'll read about it in the paper.

Okay, these are all terrorists.

Okay, let us through, let us through.

Oh, my God.

You shouldn't be here, sir. Still very dangerous.

We're not sure of anything yet.

I know who did this.

Yeah, we have them around the corner, sir.

They're still up against the wall.

I hope you throw the book at these people.

You know them?

Yes, I know these people.

You do know these people?

I think so, yes.

Okay, let's take a look.

Get out of the way. Coming through.

How dangerous are these people?

A bunch of bums. Good job, men.

Okay, turn them around.

Hey, turn around.

Okay, Winslow.

You want to look at these people?

Oh, my God. Is that them?

I don't know them.

My God, chief, thank you. Thank you.

You saved the company. Literally saved the company.

We didn't do nothing.

It was all over when we got here,

but your security man, Mr. O'Mara, saved the day here.

-O'Mara? -That's right.

Who the hell is O'Mara?

Where is he?

He's in charge of security.

Right this way, sir. I'll show you.

Are you all right? You had a full night.

Soon you'll be in a nice bed.

Here's Mr. O'Mara, sir.

O'Mara...

I just don't know how to thank you.

Don't thank me, sir. Thank him.

He did it.

I think we're all entitled to a reward.

Leonard?

Hoffman.

I'll do anything.

WINSLOW: Ladies and gentlemen,

would you kindly join us at the seats, please?

The concert is about to begin.

I'm very happy to be a part of this little send-off

for Len Hoffman's boys.

Tomorrow, they'll be on a plane for New Haven, Connecticut,

and four years of Yale.

You know, I've always felt,

in America, that cream rises to the top,

whether it's already the top, in the case of my own family,

or from our great middle class, as represented by Len Hoffman.

This guy will say anything.

These fine boys prove

that hard work, determination, and integrity

always reap rewards,

so, boys...

if music be the food of love...

play on.

Hard work.

[PLAYING MOZART'S "EINE KLEINE NACHTMUSIK"]

Sometimes things-- Sweetheart?

Sometimes things just work out right.

Leonard, may I ask you something?

Not now.

Do you regret meeting me?

Leonard, what I'm really asking you, Leonard,

are we going to be together after the concert?

Please, please,

let me just hear what's going on.

Leonard, are we going to go on

and do something together,

or are you going back to her?

Steve, just the way things have been,

right along,

things are going to stay the way they are.

I look back on this week

as a psychotic episode in my life.

Shh!

Psychotic episode?

Psychotic episode.

Steve, I'm envious of the boys.

That should be me up there.

Was this a psychotic episode?

I mean, I can understand

that you enjoy sending the boys to college,

but how long can that enjoyment last?

I mean, what about tomorrow?

We're going to New York.

I've got an idea for a Broadway show.

We're going to use the boys playing Mozart.

If you please, we're trying to listen.

No, see, this is what we do.

We go to Graham, we get more money,

then we'll open five or six shows.

I'm not going to tell you again.

Oh, Steve, it's wonderful.

Broadway.

Broadway!

No problem, no problem.

All right, everybody down.

Down, sweetheart. Down.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Keep playing, fellas.

That's it. Sit down. Sorry.

You sit down. You just sit down.

You too. Sit down.

Evidence of this day.

No problem. Leonard's back.

Shh...

Evidence. Evidence.

Shut up.

[PLAYING MOZART'S "EINE KLEINE NACHTMUSIK"]

I understand. I understand, Len.

I understand.

Len's back. Leonard's back.

This is a hell of a party.