Original subtitles

The New Normal La nueva normalidad Action, Documentary, 2019 By Codi Barbini

(fire alarm)

(gunshots) (screaming)

- [911 Dispatcher] The caller is

stating that there's an active shooter in the school.

- [Woman On Phone] A shooter?

(screaming)

(sirens)

- [Woman On Phone] What is happening?

- [Man On Phone] The children are hiding.

- [Woman On Phone] What's the address?

- [911 Dispatcher] Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland.

(dramatic music) (fire alarm)

(texting sounds)

- [Girl] Oh my God, oh my God.

(sirens)

- [911 Dispatcher] Hello, 911, ma'am, go ahead.

- [911 Dispatcher] I can't hear you.

(radio chatter)

- [Woman On Phone] I love you, I love you.

Just play dead.

- [911 Dispatcher] Okay, is he able

to tell you anything, sir?

(suspenseful music)

- People don't understand.

Once the media is all gone, we're forced

to go back the way we were.

Like it's supposed to have never have happened,

but it has happened.

How do you move on?

(dramatic music)

- [Mr. Thompson On Phone] This is Mr. Thompson,

Principal of Stoneman Douglas High School.

It's with a heavy heart that I send this message.

Stomenan Douglas High School will be closed

until further notice.

My thoughts and prayers are with all of us.

(dramatic music)

(students chanting "we want change")

- All the schools in the area walked straight to Douglas.

Thousands of kids chanting about gun control,

chanting "Never Again."

That's awesome.

I know gun control has to be brought up

but it's, you know, it's been a week.

I'd rather think about the 17,

rather than the guns.

(students chanting)

You know, there's hundreds of thousands of high schools

in America, how could it possibly be your high school?

The probability of it happening to my school

is so slim that it won't happen.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

(fire alarm)

There was two fire alarms that day.

I'm in band class and we're playing and my band director

looks at us and he's like,

"It's probably just a mistake."

You know, it never goes off two times in a day.

(yelling)

- [First responder] Is anybody in here injured?

- Don't put anything in your pockets

or your book bags, just keep your hands up, all right?

- There's an open backpack over there.

- They said,

"All right, hands up in the air

"and you have to sprint out of the school."

So we literally hands in the air sprinted

around the school out front,

SWAT cars and the military was at our school.

Initially, I was hearing stories that my friend Joaquin

had been, you know, shot.

I really wrote them off, you know?

I was like,

"That's word of mouth."

So we ended up at around 11:30 going to the Marriott

which is where the families with the missing kids were.

When I saw my mom, she was actually right next

to Joaquin's dad, Manuel.

And when I saw my mom, there was

a lot of relief on her face.

It was insane.

And I'm still in shock, you know?

I have no idea that any of my friends were shot.

Manuel was in tears at that point, you know?

'Cause Joaquin's not texting him,

or calling him, or anything.

He's like,

"Hey, did you see Joaquin? "Did you see Joaquin?"

And I looked at Manuel in the face, right in the eyes

and I said,

"Joaquin's okay.

"He would never be in that building."

I think about that moment with Manuel all the time.

He's

the most confident person I've ever met in my entire life.

The kid can do anything.

I'm a band kid, I was really, really introverted.

Joaquin pulled me out of my shell.

He put me into his friend group

and he really developed kinda the person I am today.

(chatter)

(students chanting "we want change")

We were talking about, you know, prom,

and college, and you know, what we're gonna name our kids.

Are our kids gonna know each other?

Are we gonna be friends when we're older? And we're like,

"Of course, we are."

Losing Joaquin has been like the hardest

thing I've ever had to go through in my life.

It's hard to see my future without him.

(students chanting "no we don't")

(phone ringing)

- [Jen On The Phone] Hello?

- Hi, Mom.

- [Jen On The Phone] Hi, baby.

What's going on? - Did you see my text?

- [Jen On The Phone] Yeah.

- They walked out their school at 10 o'clock

and they're making their way to Douglas right now.

- [Jen On The Phone] Are you guys

meeting them there?

- Yeah.

- [Jen On The Phone] All right.

Do you need anything from me right now?

- No, it's okay.

- [Jen] How are you today?

- I'm fine.

- [Jen] Did you eat?

- [Gabby] Yeah.

- [Jen] What do you need from Mommy?

What can I do for you right now?

- Nothing, it's fine.

I'll call you later if I need anything.

- [Jen] Can you do me one favor?

Can you empty the dishwasher?

- [Gabby] Yeah.

- [Jen] All right. - [Gabby] Okay.

- [Jen] All right, I love you, bye.

- Love you, bye.

I enjoyed high school.

I made like, such good friends.

We had sleepovers, go see a movie.

You know, normal things that teenagers do.

(somber music)

My biggest fear that morning was my math test

and then later that day it was

if I was gonna get out alive.

It was just another day of school,

didn't wanna go,

senioritis is coming.

I was just really tired, but that's every morning

since I wake up at 6:15.

We were just all having a good day,

talking and laughing.

I heard, "boom boom boom," like, right--

like it didn't-- there was no pause.

It was like five shots.

(somber music)

People were posting pictures of missing classmates.

The number of deaths just kept rising

and I just broke down crying.

(somber music)

People ask me,

"Are you okay?"

No, I'm not okay.

We're not going to be okay.

♪ I open up my eyes ♪

♪ This wasn't meant for us ♪

♪ Turning over ♪

- This is my first full year

at Stoneman Douglas.

I moved from a city in south Florida called Lauderhill.

They call is Slaughter Hill 'cause there's a history

of gun violence.

So being that we moved here made my family

feel a lot more comfortable.

One of the first things that my mother said

when the shooting occurred was,

"This was what we were trying to avoid."

(somber strings music)

That day, I fell asleep in class.

And the

fire alarm rang.

(somber music) (fire alarm)

I woke up and walk outside and

there were like, you hear little rumblings

about a school shooting.

People, you know, were yelling at us,

"It's an active shooter on campus,"

and what not, and we were like,

"What?" Still thinking it was a joke

then we saw

either it was a police helicopter or a news helicopter.

We saw that and we were like,

"Oh my God, okay.

"This is real, we need to get out of here."

People were in the freshman building posted videos

of the shooting.

So yeah, we were just watching the horror unfold

live on Snapchat.

(somber music)

- If he shot through that window,

he could've put his gun in and went to anybody.

- Do you wanna see the picture?

She sent me it, yeah.

- I can't even imagine being in that classroom.

When me and Julia were running out, we saw that backpack

sitting on the ground, opened up, papers everywhere,

there was like smashed phones.

- [Girl] We're always gonna be those kids.

- Or they're gonna be like,

"Where you from?" "Parkland."

"Oh."

- They're gonna be like...

- We all need each other to get through it.

We're just still in shock.

I feel really upset.

I feel like there's nothing that can help.

I feel numb.

We have to go back

but I don't know if I'm able to do it yet.

I won't look at the school the same.

- It's gonna be like...

It's gonna hurt no matter when.

And I don't think that'll ever change.

- It's gonna make me remember that

there was 17 students that died in our school.

- I'm just so afraid.

I don't wanna really go to a place where I sat

while my friends were being hurt

and I couldn't do anything about it.

I'm trying my hardest to prepare for it,

but you also don't know what you're in for.

- [Mr. Thompson On The Phone] This is Mr. Thompson.

I just wanted to thank you, to the entire community

for your support during these trying times.

Now we're making decisions to begin the healing process

to include the restarting of school.

And there's some tough decisions ahead for my staff and me

and there's really no playbook for this type of tragedy.

The main goal is to get our family back together on campus

and begin the healing process.

(light music)

- [News Anchor] Thousands of students

at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School return

to their classes Wednesday, surrounded by hundreds

of parents, police, and reporters.

- [News Anchor] Many still shaken after that massacre

nearly two weeks ago.

- [News Anchor] Parents and children in the community

are still grieving.

- Every time I see the school, I just get that

feeling of fear again.

- [News Anchor] Their schedule started with fourth period

so the students could pick up where they left off.

- You're longing for everyone to be back,

you're longing for the feeling of real happiness again.

But I don't think

the pain is gonna stop.

(school bell ringing)

- [Gabby] It's very haunting.

- [Daniel] Very quiet.

You could walk the hallways and not hear a person talk.

We all know what just happened.

No one wanted to talk about it.

- [Gabby] When I look at the time and it's 2:20,

I freak out.

Like is there gonna be another one?

It's very haunting.

(dramatic music)

- Grief takes its own path.

This type of event is going to affect everybody differently.

We were just at the very, very, very beginning.

For the community in general,

the worst is over.

But for individuals,

I would not say the worst is over.

No, I'd say

probably for many people, the worst is yet to come.

(television chatter)

- We're done with this but you can't go out.

Okay.

I don't really like to leave the house.

At home, there's no potential shooter.

At home, there's no guns.

(somber music)

I think I was six years old when my dad left me.

And ever since,

he barely calls.

Even when the school--

the shooting.

He barely called, I had to call him.

Just kinda sucky I guess.

Take out the trash later before my mom gets home.

I said,

"Did you see the news?"

He said yes.

"Did you know that's my school?"

He said yes.

He's like,

"Kelsey, it's never gonna happen again.

"You're safe now and you gotta move forward."

Move forward?

I can't even get out of bed.

(somber music)

The day of

was just like a normal day.

- [Girl] Oh my God, oh my God.

(yelling)

- [Kelsey] It was like insane to see like,

all those kids running.

- [Girl] Oh my God, oh my God.

- I was just watching everybody run into classrooms

'cause I didn't know what was going on.

Then I turned around to see Mr. Beigel's door open.

I ran in there.

I ran into the center of the room and started to hide

underneath the desk.

(yelling)

(gunshots)

I sat there scared.

And the door was still open.

(gunshots)

I was kind of facing this way towards the windows.

You turn this way, the door's like right there.

Go like this, look over, he's not there.

He's dead on the floor.

I ran into the classroom

seconds before the shot that killed my teacher.

The shot that killed my teacher could've shot me

and should've shot me.

And he saved my life.

'Cause it wasn't for him,

I probably wouldn't be here right now.

- [Girl] Oh my God, oh my God.

- He's my hero.

He'll always be my hero.

(somber music)

(birds chirping)

- [Gabby] Parkland is, it's a small town

so everybody knows everybody.

People always say there's always good areas

and bad areas in every city,

but it seems like in Parkland, everything's nice.

Everyone comes down here to be safe,

that's all there is to it.

- [Nicole] It's a little private community

for you and your family to live.

That's what it was.

- [Mr. Thompson On The Phone] Good afternoon,

Eagle families.

I have received many emails and phone calls

regarding security at MSD.

We have four additional armed BSOWs

that are currently securing the 1200 building,

some are heavily armed

and will remain there for an undisclosed amount of time.

- [Daniel] Immediately, when you pull into the school

you're going to see at least four or five cops.

And they're gonna have like high powered rifles

on their back.

So I mean, that's not really like any other high school

that I can think of.

- [Kelsey] Everywhere you look in that school

is another police officer.

Staring at you, watching you, whatever you do.

And it's just like, am I in jail or am I in school?

I can't tell the difference anymore.

(suspenseful music)

- And there's been 11 school shootings

since January this year.

Right now, we've increased police presence

at Stoneman Douglas.

Now Brandon is gonna speak about how they feel

but when we're having these discussions

with policy makers, we have to make sure that we listen

to our kids.

(applause)

- I joined everyone here enter and mitigate

new ideas and solutions that we may have

to reduce gun violence, not only in schools

but in our communities.

- It is a reality that a lot of the minority students,

especially young, black men are more profiled.

And my son has already experienced that like,

not even two days after Parkland shooting.

- We need to find a way to work with the police,

for the police to work with us.

- [Alana] He was stopped by a police officer and grilled

as to why he was there, why he was dressed this way,

et cetera, et cetera.

- I started to walk away and he told me to come back.

And I turn around and I go like,

"Bro, you don't even effing know me.

"Like why,

"why do you care, you know?

"Like you have one job and that's to stand there and look

"for suspicious characters

"with a firearm.

"I'm not even wearing a backpack."

There are more things that aren't helping

than there are things that are helping right now.

So yeah, I'm just trying to live in this world

where I'm trying to make a difference and what not

instead of, you know, like crying in my room, you know?

Like every other night.

(suspenseful music)

(chatter)

- [News Anchor] In just a few hours, hundreds of thousands

of people will take to the streets, majority of them kids.

- [News Anchor] They will be joining thousands

from across the country to push for more gun control.

- [News Anchor] As this country's history has shown before,

those voices can be very powerful.

(chanting)

- I feel like Stoneman Douglas created

the March for our Lives.

Just knowing that like, this is where I came from

and then how it affected me, and my family,

and my friends, and their family, the whole community,

we needed to be there.

(somber music) (students chanting)

Oh, I see the stage.

My God, it's gonna be so bad to push through this crowd.

- [Students] Say hey, say ho.

The NRA has got to go.

Say hey, say ho.

The NRA has got to go.

Say hey, say ho.

The NRA has got to go.

(chatter)

- [Girl] Oh, I thought you were with our group.

Sorry.

- [Woman] Keep going, keep going.

- [Woman] Make a path to the front!

- [Woman] Make a path for these three kids

from Stoneman Douglas.

Give 'em a hand!

(cheering)

Give these girls a hand

for Stoneman Douglas, coming through.

(cheering)

- [Girl] You guys are awesome.

- [Stoneman Douglas Girls] Thank you.

- [Girl] Thank you for coming.

- It's just like, so touching to see people

that care that much just to be here

and pay their respects.

(cheering)

They're all here just because they were moved

by the students at Douglas.

- On February 14th, tragedy struck my hometown

and my school, Marjory Stoneman Douglas High.

Alyssa Alhadeff, Scott Beigel, Martin Duque Anguiano,

Aaron Feis, Jamie Guttenberg, Chris Hixon,

Luke Hoyer, Cara Loughran, Gina Montalto,

Joaquin Oliver, Alaina Petty,

Meadow Pallock, Helena Ramsay, Alex Schachter,

Carmen Schentrup, Peter Wang, and Nicholas Dworet

all lost their lives in less than seven minutes.

And I saved Nicholas for the end because today

is Nicholas's birthday.

(cheering)

Nicholas, we are all here for you.

Happy birthday.

(somber music)

(talking on TV)

- My home screen is my friend, Peter Wang.

Peter wanted to be in the military

and if the military didn't work out, he wanted to be a chef.

Peter taught me how to be kind to another person.

He'd always teach me right from wrong in the kitchen.

He was kind hearted,

he was a little mean to me but I still loved him.

And I wish I would've told him how much he meant to me

when he was alive because the day before the 14th,

me and Peter had an argument.

(somber music)

He gave me a nasty look before he walked out of the room.

That's the last memory I have of him

is giving me a nasty look.

I cannot get that look out of my head.

(somber music)

(birds chirping)

- This year was my 10th year being here.

I've enjoyed it.

If you don't like kids, this is the wrong profession.

You're definitely doing the wrong thing.

We have lots of little things the elementary kids

have written us.

Be amazing today.

Live your life, be kind, be helpful,

be who you want to be.

And I think that's important too

that we all need to try to be amazing

and we try to live our life and try to be helpful.

We want them to live their life to the fullest

to get to their fullest potential.

Ever since that day,

some of the kids are still interested

in learning and some of the kids have shut down.

Everything was either before the 14th

or after the 14th.

One of the classes is significantly behind

the other classes and it's actually--

well I will I say it's my fourth hour,

it's the class that we had the day of the shooting.

Since the 14th, we as teachers are already thinking ahead

to August, what is it gonna be like in August?

How much of this problem are we gonna still have?

What are we gonna be able to do to try to snap

the kids out of it?

And obviously, we know it takes time for them.

It takes time for us.

Sometimes you'll get upset.

Certain flashbacks.

And I think the sirens, the sound of the sirens

and the sound of the helicopters

bring it back to like it was a war zone.

And it was a war zone.

We're discussing what it's gonna take

to get the kids back to our new normal

and we're concerned that it'll probably take

three more years until the freshmen graduate.

(somber music)

- Imagine if you're

a student who

was in the building and you heard people running

to get out of the building when the shooting was happening.

Now, at just five or six weeks later,

you're going to have to get used to seeing

those triggers, get used to seeing the school,

get used to seeing perhaps the building

if you're a student there

where it happened.

And these are things that

might get harder and harder to deal with

as time goes on.

(somber music)

- [News Anchor] Rebecca Vargas is standing by live

with a look at where items removed

from the Parkland school's makeshift memorial

are now being stored.

- [Rebecca] Teddy bears, flowers, posters,

and other mementos line the fence outside

Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.

Now the items are being removed, saved, and preserved

for the future.

(somber music)

- [Gabby] The only way that I know that they're like,

still here here

is those memorials.

- [Daniel] It's too soon.

You can't take down the signs.

People always need to remember what happened.

- [Kelsey] They should at least kept one memorial up for us.

- [Daniel] It's psychologically, that's just insane.

- You can see how far deep the candles were in

over here and on the floor.

Right here.

You can see the shapes of the candles.

- Oh yeah, it's like, there's a big patch of it right here.

- It's tough because we wanna keep saying goodbye,

we wanna keep telling them about our days but

some of us don't know where others were buried

and this was our place to come.

- It almost symbolizes like,

how the world is gonna view our situation.

Whereas you know, you had all these thoughts and prayers

and all of these decorations and what not

and then it was just stripped away.

♪ It's like we start escaping ♪

- [Cora] Daniel, it's 6:30.

Time to get up.

- My emotions are a roller coaster.

I have my ups and I have my downs.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't wake up

in the middle of the night just crying because,

you know, my friend is gone.

I think about that night all the time.

- Want some coffee?

- What time is it?

(somber music)

Thinking back, you know, I feel horrible

for telling Joaquin's dad that he was fine

when he really wasn't.

I was so sure that Joaquin was okay.

Like, I was so 100% positive at that point

that nothing had happened to him.

So, you know, I regret

saying that.

I think about that

all the time.

I remember vividly.

And I'm gonna remember it for the rest of my life.

- I don't know how long it's gonna take

for him to feel

good again, normal again, I don't know.

Maybe never, so.

You know, it's what we deal with now

for the rest of his life.

They have counseling at the school,

you know, literally counseling everywhere if you wanna go.

It is available to you but

a lot of kids like Daniel won't go to therapy.

- Like, I help my friends.

I don't need

counseling.

I don't want counseling.

- [Cora] Why not?

- 'Cause I'd rather talk to people that were with me

than people that

are paid to try to think,

or try to get in my head

and swayed me like they were with me, you know?

That's a personal thing.

I like talking with my friends.

- I worry, you know,

I worry a lot.

He doesn't tell me

what he's feeling inside.

There's always that scary side, you know, like

what if he falls off the deep end and I don't know

and it's just...

They're in so much pain.

I can never ask God for anything else.

I got my son back.

But,

you know, my friends didn't

get their child back, you know?

(birds chirping)

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

My relationship with my mom,

we'd fight like five year-old kids, we'd kick and scream,

and then we say,

"I love you,"

at the end of the night.

She's like my friend.

She's like my best friend but she's not my best friend,

she's my mom.

It's good to be close with your mom

to where you can tell her everything and anything.

But certain things you can't tell her because

she has a big mouth and she will scream and yell

when she's mad.

But,

my relationship with her is

not as strong as I'd hope it to be.

(somber music)

It's a silly argument.

It's not like there is like

a gash in me or anything, nobody was harmed.

We were arguing because

I have missed so much school.

I've missed so much that I'm missing work.

I have two failing grades right now.

Every time I walk on campus, it's like a constant reminder.

The hardest is going into the classroom

'cause I'm never gonna forget that day

and I'm never gonna forget anything that I saw.

(somber music)

- And the school actually had to help me,

well call this number to get Kelsey help

because it's not good for her coming to school.

She's re-traumatizing herself over and over

when she comes to school.

Okay, what do you want me to do?

Kid stays home, she can't stay home.

Kid goes to school, she can't go to school.

What do you want me to do with this kid?

Keep her home so she's okay 'cause she's with her dog,

she's with her TV?

No, she's gotta go to school, she's gotta learn.

You send her to school.

No, she's not learning anything 'cause she's still,

you know, everything's bothering her.

Okay, again, what do you want me to do with this kid?

- Everybody is just like,

"You have to get over it,

"you have to keep pushing, you gotta do this,

"you gotta do that."

But that person might not know anything

in how I'm feeling.

I don't need people to push me, I don't need

people to tell me my limits on healing.

I just need my own time.

(somber music)

- We are so happy

to have a young man, to have a young survivor

from Parkland High School.

So Brandon, why are you doing what you're doing?

- I've been coping with it by speaking out,

by going to venues like this to share my story

and offering solutions.

You know, I wanna help my community and other communities

and help myself, so yeah.

- [Emcee] Thank you, Brandon.

(audience applause)

- At speaking engagements, he said

that it was kind of therapeutic for him.

And it wasn't really until one of the last engagements,

one of the other panelists came up to him and to me

and says like,

"Has he been to counseling?"

- [Emcee] It'll be hard to go around today to not hear...

- I said I tried to get him to go, she was like,

"You should get him to go because probably

"him talking about this all the time

"is not as therapeutic as he thinks it is."

The more he spoke about it,

you know, people getting shot and people bleeding

on the floor and I'm sure that's, you know,

those are visions that, you know, he said

the feeling of helplessness is what he struggles with.

Him replaying it in his mind over and over again

has to be traumatizing.

These are people he knew.

- My mother was like,

"I'm gonna take you to

"the group therapy counseling session,"

and I literally opened the door as she was driving.

You know, which is a little weird, you know,

almost jumping out of a moving car

to avoid going to counseling but

I don't know, I just don't

personally feel the need to.

Activism, it's kept the trauma or whatever compressed.

Like as of now, I'm okay.

And I'd wanna keep being okay for the people

that aren't okay.

I don't think that there will be any,

you know, long lasting effects.

(chatter)

(cheering)

- School's never gonna be normal

but it kinda just felt a little bit back to normal

just because we wanna be able to be happy again.

- [Boy] Show me your muscles!

- I mean, we're not gonna be completely happy

but we just wanna be able to kinda have each other

and not be constantly reminded every morning

by the news.

That just doesn't help.

(mellow music)

- All right, so that's cooking, that's cooking.

So you wanna play the message?

- Mmhmm.

- [Mr. Thompson On The Phone] I appreciate the cooperation

of students and staff as we navigate the new normal.

However, in an effort to be transparent,

I'm updating you on yet another non-credible threat.

Earlier today, we received an email advising us

of a potential threat to the campus.

Out of an abundance of caution, BSO

was able to search and clear the campus

without disrupting the normal operations of the school.

BSO is currently investigating the message

to identify the sender.

- [Jen] What do you think about that?

- I don't know.

- I mean, the fact that they said it was like,

a non-credible threat, like what the hell does that mean?

Non-credible threat?

I mean, I think you got a bunch of crazies.

More crazy people.

I think that's gonna be the new normal.

Days before, I asked her, I said,

"You had a really good high school experience,"

and she smiled and said,

"Yeah, Mom, I really did."

A few days later, the shooting occurred

and it just changed everything.

- [Gabby] Ever since that day, I just don't feel safe.

- As much as I would like her

to just be able to push through this, I can't push her.

♪ Leave it to me ♪

- [Jen] Every kid is traumatized in that school.

Let's get this year over with.

(tranquil music)

- Most of the teachers have missed very little time,

even those that were in the rooms that the kids

were shot to death.

Part of it is that we all feel that we

need to be here for the kids.

We're all under tremendous pressure

and everybody is concerned and afraid.

I wasn't planning on retiring for another four or five years

but there are just concerns about safety.

And none of us signed up to

go into a school and be killed

and have our students killed so there's a concern.

Do I want to take an umbrella today?

Good question.

But it's something that now I'm thinking about.

- That way, that way.

(chatter)

- [Mr. Thompson On The Phone] Good afternoon,

Eagle families.

My expectation is that all students

will follow proper directions with bags

and are open to some of our new procedures.

(mellow music)

We will continue to monitor all security protocols

and advise you of any updates as they become available.

I appreciate the cooperation of students and staff

as we navigate the new normal.

- [Gabby] Very controversial.

I just don't understand why they didn't do it

right after the shooting.

- [Daniel] It's just your run of the mill day,

you know, plus clear backpacks

and a trillion cops.

- [Nicole] It's a band-aid on a bullet hole

that's not really a solution.

- You can pretty much see everything that's in my backpack.

You know, here my PE clothes, my MSD Strong shirt.

- In second period,

it was weird.

I was really like, embarrassed to put it on at first

and then when the bell rang second period,

I walked out, just saw everyone wearing them.

- I honestly think, like I don't mind the backpacks.

Like, I honestly think

I kinda like 'em. - I don't either.

It's funny 'cause we all look stupid together.

- Like I think it's cute.

There's a bomb and gun threat email or something.

- Like, this is ridiculous.

It's like people getting attention.

What does it say?

- Our school received two different threats

and got a bomb and a gun threat for tomorrow

so nobody go.

And someone like slid up on him and was like,

"Bro, WTF?"

- [Gabby] People are crazy.

Like, that's like disgusting.

- I want Joaquin Oliver and then February 14th, 2018.

17 roses, under each rose, initials.

I had to do something

to help me cope with this event.

(mellow music)

(tattoo needle buzzing)

Thank God for this thing

or else I would be slapping you in the face.

That really hurt.

That really hurt.

It's the most liberating feeling ever.

There's no amount of therapy

that could give back to me as much as my tattoo

has given to me.

- Not everybody who really needs help

is going to come to us.

And they say,

"You know what?

"I'm not gonna let this disrupt my life,"

and they go on with life.

What that tends to do, though,

is it tends to suppress the events.

The analogy is if you have an inflatable ball in a pool

and you push it down a little bit under water,

when you let it go, it's gonna pop up to the surface.

And the longer their feelings, their memories,

they're pushed down,

the more intensely they are going to pop up eventually.

- [Nicole] In honor of Stoneman Douglas.

Every step I take is for you guys.

(somber music)

- [Camera Woman] Are you guys ready

for the school year to be over?

- [Kelsey] I'm excited--

- [Sheila] This has been a terrible, terrible year

for me all around.

- It's been so bad.

Bad for you?

This is my first year of high school,

my sister tries to end herself

and then people in my school get shot up.

You thinking your life is bad?

It's my first year of high school!

- [Sheila] I didn't say my life was bad.

I said it's hard--

- My whole life of high school experience

has been taken away from me.

- [Sheila] No, it's not. It's your first year, Kelsey.

- Exactly!

- [Sheila] Okay, you have three more years.

- Oh my God.

Three more shooters.

- [Sheila] No.

- You wanna bet?

- It doesn't matter what you say.

Nothing you say is right.

Nothing.

It's how they feel, I can't say nothing.

I say,

"Kelsey, I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say."

Kelsey was miserable.

She doesn't wanna do anything or go anywhere

so if she asks for something, I would get it

just to make her feel better.

And it worked.

But then she was mad 'cause it wasn't good enough.

- I'm just angry.

And it's easier for me to be angry than upset.

'Cause I can take my anger out on something.

(birds chirping)

- So in order for her to walk nicely,

you have to show her...

- Any animal, they don't talk back to you.

You just can talk to them and say whatever you want.

They just listen and they have no opinion whatsoever.

Hi, Mom.

You scared of the horse?

She hasn't bitten me.

- I took Kelsey to the Horse Rainbow for therapy.

It helps her.

I don't really like horses but Kelsey

takes very well to animals.

I pet her.

I don't know how to take care of a horse

I don't know like,

cats are different than dogs, have different personalities,

you know what they're thinking.

I don't know what this horse is thinking.

- [Handler] What's going on in this setting?

- Mom does not wanna touch her,

I'm touching her and she just doesn't like it.

So she's mirroring my mom.

- Thinking about your breathing?

'Cause the horse knows what's going on inside your head

way before your body does anything, right?

So once... - She's like,

"Sheila, how do you expect Kelsey to able

"to calm herself down if you are the mother

"and you're her role model and you can't do it?"

(mellow music)

- Calm her down.

Think about your breathing.

Nothing else.

My mom actually tried doing the breathing exercise

to bond with the horse.

- Do you see her breathing?

- You breathe slow and the horse feels it

and starts to breathe slow too.

It's really cool.

She knows it's been hard for me but I think she just

didn't get it.

But I think that she understood.

(nature sounds)

- Okay, here we go.

I really don't wanna mess up.

You have no idea how much I don't wanna mess up

on the first try.

I'm asking Sammy to prom and I want her to be happy with it.

And I want it to be like, smart.

(crickets chirping)

Since I was in

middle school, me and Joaquin were talking about prom.

I just can't see myself emotionally going

to my Douglas prom.

And that's just my take 'cause a lot of his friends,

other friends that are going, you know,

and their argument is you know,

he would've wanted them to go.

And I,

obviously I believe that.

He probably would have wanted me to go

but still, emotionally, I can't.

I'm not ready to watch any videos

or see any pictures.

Be reminded of people that I'm not at prom with.

Going to another school's prom,

I could just pretend that I was like a normal teenager.

(crowd cheering)

I'm really good friends with Sammy

and so I was just like,

"Yeah, let's go to prom together."

(mellow piano music)

- [Gabby] We've all been looking forward to this all year.

Everyone wants it to be their kind of day for prom.

I think that was like, mission accomplished.

- No, that was like--

(mellow music)

- [Daniel] It was nice being surrounded by

a school that hasn't been affected as much

by the shooting as Stoneman Douglas.

- [Gabby] It's gonna be probably bittersweet

'cause it's sad that we're all leaving and graduating.

It's been a rough year.

I definitely wanna have this day to myself.

We're gonna be happy tonight.

(thunder)

(tranquil music)

- [Mr. Thompson On The Phone] Seniors got

a big week next week.

Graduation for the class of 2018

will be held at the BB&T Center at sunrise

on Sunday, June third at two p.m.

Think ahead and get everything turned in this next week.

Be positive, be passionate, and be proud to be an eagle.

We are MSD Strong.

- [News Anchor] Prosecutors releasing several recordings

showing Nikolas Cruz in the first person

detailing his murderous plans.

(suspenseful music)

- My friends said,

"Kelsey, did you see the videos of Nikolas?"

I'm like,

"No, show me."

The first thing I heard is like,

"I'm gonna be the next school shooter."

And then he said,

"I'm gonna kill numbers, like 22 people

"or 20 people."

- People blasted his face everywhere online.

People who didn't want to see his face

or watch the video at all had no choice

but to see it on social media.

(suspenseful music)

- I originally sent it

and it was just him talking.

And then I sent it, I pressed play,

and I just listened to the whole video.

We were like,

"Oh my God."

In this sing-songy voice he was like,

"You're all going to die."

Like that's when I texted back again and I was like,

"Don't watch it."

Like, don't watch it but it was too late.

You guys already did.

After that video was released,

you see the news trucks come back and stuff

and you just kinda feel like it's

all overwhelming and gonna happen--

not even happen again but like,

you're just not gonna be left alone.

The event's over with

but they're gonna release something at least every

few weeks, months that's gonna bring you back to it.

And you're gonna think like,

"Great,

"it's back."

You have to think about it again.

It reminds you of all the bad

when you're supposed to be focusing on the good right now.

It's a crazy feeling.

- It's like you're in the ocean and you're swimming

and every time you get close to the surface,

someone attaches a brick to your foot and you sink.

And the brick is still there but you find the strength

to somehow swim up and now

there's another brick on your foot

and now you have two bricks.

And somehow you muster up the strength to kinda sorta

get up there and all of a sudden,

they put a cinder block and then you sink

all the way to the bottom.

(birds chirping)

- This year has been the worst year of all of our lives

but we somehow made it through

and now I'm graduating.

- [News Anchor] In Parkland, Florida it was graduation day

for Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.

Four seniors did not walk the stage

after losing their lives in the mass shooting

on Valentine's Day.

Their classmates wore sashes that read, "MSD Strong,"

and many of them vowed to turn their sorrow

into making change.

(crowd applause)

- [Announcer] Accepting for Joaquin Oliver

is his mom, Patricia.

(crowd cheering)

(somber music)

- [Daniel] It's a really bittersweet moment.

It's hard to think of my life without Joaquin.

I want to somehow live up to him.

I wanna live a life that

he never got to.

(somber music)

- Today, it's

very quiet.

I gotta basically clean my desk

and go through the rest of what's on the bookcase

over here, which is not too much.

These are different letters of appreciation

or different things that the kids wrote.

Okay, Mr. Pittman, you're the GOAT.

Greatest of all time.

You're the best teacher I've ever had, of course.

I promise I'll visit senior year.

(mellow music)

You know, I still enjoy teaching.

With the shooting, with everything here,

I've not missed a day, not missed a minute.

But when it's quiet or you're away from everybody

and away from all the excitement, so to speak,

you feel it.

I still plan to teach.

I'm hopeful that this next year is gonna be better.

- I'm done with school officially.

It's the end of junior year, it's your most important year,

you know, I do wanna go to college obviously.

You know, I wanna do something with my life

and like, it's just become more real.

You know, the students in my school that did pass away

will never get the opportunity to pursue their dreams.

Don't act like you don't know.

That was so bad.

In general, I think everyone's relieved

that the school year's finally over.

Kinda collect yourselves again and relax.

Making new friends.

And sleeping, there's gonna be a lot of sleeping involved,

if you know what I mean.

I've learned that

activism is my true calling.

We get what we want in terms of our movement.

When these laws are passed or whatever,

I'm gonna look back and be like,

"Oh my God."

But like, I'm not gonna be completely naive

to the fact that, you know, this may have affected me

more than I believe.

- [Family] Amen.

- There's so many different ways that I could have died.

My friends inches away, my teacher grazed

with a bullet wound.

Someone was shooting at her.

Like all of that is gonna sink in.

(hip hop music)

You know, I think everyone who's ever been through

something like this should seek help.

Eventually, you know what I mean?

Like I'm not a hypocrite.

You know, I'm not getting help at the moment,

I don't feel the need to but I wanna get as much done

before it hits me.

- This is gong to be a very long road.

It might be a year later, it might be

two years later.

We've heard from other therapists

who have dealt with the Sandy Hook victims

that they get referrals five years later.

(suspenseful music)

All we can really do is just be there,

is pledge ourselves to be there to help.

(suspenseful music)

And we need to respect

everybody's own way of saying,

"This is where I am right now

"and this is how I wanna deal with

"my feelings right now."

- [Kelsey] We parked somewhere up here.

- [Sheila] Parked us over here, right?

- Yeah.

Oh my God, does he have a stone.

- [Sheila] I have no clue.

- He might.

Oh my God, my heart's pounding.

Where are you, Peter?

Right here.

Peter had supposedly an open casket.

And if I woulda went and saw him lifeless there,

I'd probably go nuts.

Heartbreaking.

Knowing he's gone

and never getting a chance to say I'm sorry is

the hardest thing in the world.

It says,

"Words can't even describe how much I miss you.

"I'm so sorry I didn't say this sooner

"but you were the kindest person I've ever met

"and I'm so thankful that you were my friend.

"I miss you so much.

"I miss your kindness, your smile,

"and I miss everything about you.

"I will never forget you.

"Love, Kelsey."

- [Sheila] Very nice.

(somber music)

- I just came with overwhelming feelings.

Like out of nowhere.

He was only 15.

No one deserves to die at 15.

- [Kelsey On Video] What are you doing there, Peter?

(Kelsey laughing)

(Kelsey crying)

(tranquil music)

- All of them had their whole lives ahead of them.

It's unfair.

But now I can't take life for granted.

If Peter was in my shoes right now

and I was passed, I would want him

to miss me, of course miss me,

but live for himself.

I would want him to keep moving forward.

(tranquil music)

(rain)

- Okay, let me bring you everything.

- Okay.

- Moxie.

- Right now, like I wanna see it so bad.

I'm gonna turn around.

Three days after February 14th,

within that same week,

I asked Manuel, Joaquin's dad

to paint my upright bass, which is like--

for non-musicians, it's the giant violin thing

that jazz people play.

Aw.

- [Manuel] All right?

- That's so beautiful.

- [Manuel] It's all yours.

You're gonna have to tune it.

(Daniel playing the upright bass)

You wanna go do that in Joaquin's room?

- All right.

Oh my God.

Okay.

- There you go.

- I can't even like...

(somber music)

- [Manuel] I know, I know.

- I don't even think I can play right now, my God.

(somber music)

You gotta know, you had like, the most beautiful son

in the world.

- [Manuel] I know.

(somber music)

(Daniel playing upright bass)

- Ah, God.

(Daniel playing upright bass)

My bass is really going to

almost like a capsule, hold it in forever, you know?

Like a time capsule.

That's what my bass is to me.

It's something that will remind me

of what happened.

(Daniel playing upright bass)

My bass will always be with me.

- [Producer] Why do you feel like

this is an important story to tell?

- This is an important story to tell because

it's something

that we're feeling that people don't know.

So once we get this story out

then they'll finally understand.

And how

we're still grieving.

(somber music)

- I really want people to see

what's happening down here.

We're not huge in the media.

We're regular Stoneman Douglas students.

- [Greg] I don't know if we'll ever be able

to put it behind us.

Most everybody's getting help, trying to heal.

- [Gabby] It's never gonna be the end.

Like inside me, I think I'm always gonna carry it

and so will everyone else.

- [Brandon] At this point, we gotta try to retain

the little bit of our childhood that we have left.

- [Kelsey] Something needs to happen.

Something needs to

be changed.

- I don't want anyone to pity Stoneman Douglas kids anymore.

And no one from Stoneman Douglas wants pity anymore,

we just wanna move on with our lives.

I'm not Stoneman Douglas survivor Daniel Journey.

I'm just Daniel Journey in the band, I like music.

(Daniel playing upright bass)

(somber music)

- How bout we do try to work on that before

wherever you may go, end up in college?

- It's fine.

- I still think we need to get you to some counseling before

especially before you're doing school.

- I'm fine.

Like after the shooting when Helena died,

when I saw all those futures cut short,

they weren't just the Parkland 17.

Each person had their own story.

I'm like a small part of like, this bigger picture like,

and I think to myself like constantly,

"Have I done enough?"

And the answer's usually like, no.

(mellow music)

I don't wanna be that guy

to go up to a young kid whose school just got shot up

and be like,

"Yo, I'm sorry, my generation couldn't do it."

I wanna be that generation to solve all of these issues

so that our kids have the most prosperous,

you know, future possible.

I'm like a small part of like, this bigger picture.

No matter how hard we try and no matter how hard

we might say like, "Yeah, I've healed, I've moved on,"

that's not true for most of us.

To think that it's something that we can forget about

as quickly as the rest of the world forgot about it.

We'll never fully recover from it.

(mellow music)

- Ready?

Do I got the keys or you got the keys?

- You got the keys.

- I gotta back the car out because she can't back out.

- I still go to Douglas.

I'm currently in the 10th grade.

Looking back on it, it's still hard.

It's probably gotten harder.

Going back to the school and having to walk across

the building that I ran out of doesn't get any easier.

- Would you put on the brake before you go on--

- Yes, I know, Mom.

(mellow music)

People who say just move on, I ignore them.

But if there was a way to move on,

I would be myself again.

Sing and dance like I used to.

And laugh normally.

And have a real smile on my face

instead of a fake one.

(tranquil music)

- I have a lot of the regular MSD Strong ones.

I have the Change the Ref one.

- I think like, the school gave this to us.

Right, Nicole?

- I wear them all the time.

- Right now, my life is completely different

because I'm living on my own basically.

I still have my best friend here, Nicole.

Every month when it's the 14th,

a lot of people on Instagram that go to Douglas,

including me, will post and it just reminds me how

they're always gonna remember that day

and it's always gonna feel like yesterday.

And it's always gonna be like, a pain.

- Douglas is like a really big part of me.

It obviously defines us in a separate way where

it's always gonna be a part of our character but

unless you've been through it, you really don't know

how you're gonna move on.

And everybody moves on in different ways.

No way is right, no way is wrong,

it's just how you cope with it.

(mellow music)

- [Producer] Do you ever do this?

- [Daniel] Not that much actually.

- [Producer] Feel like it's sort of more complicated

with social media now?

- It's definitely different.

These are just distant memories, you know,

look what Joaquin did.

You know, so there's definitely a different perspective

to things.

You know?

I guess my life has changed because I've moved

from Parkland to a completely new state.

(Daniel playing upright bass)

I brought my double bass.

No one really knows why it's painted like that,

they're just always like,

"I've never seen that before,"

and I'm like,

"Yeah, it's my baby."

Moving on isn't forgetting.

I like to say actually moving forward.

It's not that you're like, leaving anything behind,

you're just moving forward from what you have.

But this is my first birthday since everything happened

and I'm now 19, which is an age

that Joaquin will never be.

And anyone who passed away in the shooting

will ever be.

So it's,

it's quite heavy to think about that.

(mellow music)

(somber music)

♪ I got peace stored away ♪

♪ I got love on my side ♪

♪ I don't need all the hate ♪

♪ Messing up my own vibe ♪

♪ I got peace ♪

♪ I got love ♪

♪ 'Cause what you need ♪

♪ Never enough no ♪

(dramatic sting)