Original subtitles

Can I interest anybody in a Pepsi or a beer or...

Actually, that's your only options.

No takers?

How you doin'?

Well, it would've been good to know that

we were gonna have another strange man with us for eight weeks.

- I understand. - Yeah.

I've known the guy for 30 years.

He's great. He's really sweet, I promise.

How we doing, Ricky?

- Love this guy. How old is he? - Hmm. Yeah.

- He's 18 years. - Eighteen.

How you doin', skipper?

You want me to take over the helm? You can stretch your legs.

- You never said anything about dogs. - I didn't know.

I mean, come on, they're so tiny we're not even gonna notice 'em.

And the old one back there, he might not even make it to next week.

Then there'll just be two.

We'll end up missing him.

Excuse me. Miss?

Elena. My name is Elena.

- Yeah. Elena... - Yeah.

...can you take the dog off the dinette? We eat there.

Ah.

Look who's talking.

Like he's so fancy.

I am fancy. Very fancy!

I worked construction in a former life. I hablo a little bit.

- Ah, okay. Ya. - Gracias. Ya.

Hey, let's play I Spy.

You guys want to?

Would that be fun?

Or actually, no, we could do the license plate game.

Or maybe punch buggy?

That one gets intense.

Or you wanna just play Russian roulette?

And I'll go first.

Pretty good.

Hey, maybe try to keep your weight forward and stay tall,

'cause that'll help you clip it off the turf.

Nice.

Question.

What do you do when you get in a slump?

What d... What do you mean?

You know, when things go sideways and you need to snap out of it.

You know, like if you get negative.

I don't know.

Come on. Everybody has something.

Elena,

what do you do when you need to calm down?

I drink.

Besides that.

I think of the beach. And drinking on it.

See? Perfect visualization.

When your mom gets overwhelmed, she goes to her happy place.

The beach. And alcohol.

For me, it's music.

When things get dark, I start singing "Cecilia" in my head.

What's Cecilia?

"Cecilia," by Simon and Garfunkel.

It's one of the greatest feel-good songs of all time.

When I was playing, and I'd start to kind of spin out,

to calm down I'd sing "Cecilia."

Cortisol levels drop.

System begins to relax.

Negative loop broken.

I defy anyone to listen to "Cecilia" and stay in a bad mood.

You can't do it. It's not possible.

- I'll play it for you sometime. - "Cecilia."

Julito. Julio.

Come on, girls.

Julio.

What's so funny?

Look what we've done to the wolves.

Ricky's not a wolf.

He's a Chihuahua mix.

All dogs are descended from wolves,

and I bet they had no idea they'd be wearing sweaters

and carried around like handbags.

Your fly's open.

Descended from monkeys.

Why did we stop?

We're here.

Where's the hotel?

What hotel?

The hotel we're staying in.

No, we're not staying in a hotel. Why do you think we have an RV?

Well, I assumed y-you two lived in it?

No. Mitts owns a home.

I once lived in a home.

No, no, this will be good for camaraderie.

We get campfires and s'mores and kumbaya.

Look, Mitts and I will take the bunks and you guys take the big bed.

Whoa. Wait a minute.

That's a Tempur-Pedic Cloud back there, and I need it for my lumbar.

I know, but you can just put a pillow behind your back.

I have sciatica. What the hell's a pillow gonna do?

Pryce, I'm not sleeping or showering in a crappy RV with two strange men.

Whoa, whoa. This is not a crappy RV.

It was voted motor coach of the year in 2006.

Elena, why would you spend your money on a hotel when we have beds here?

Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not spending money. You are.

My money's a little tied up right now.

In case you forgot, I just wrote you a pretty sizable check.

You're like the richest person in here.

Yeah, but Pryce, that was our deal.

Do you not remember our deal? I said pay for our travel expenses.

Yeah. I meant, like, snacks, magazines, and dinners with no appetizers.

I'm not sleeping with my mom, guys.

It's a beautiful RV.

This RV has the highest resale value of any class A motor coach on the market,

- thank you. - I don't care.

I'm not sleeping in here. Okay?

There's a DoubleTree a few miles back, and I want to go there.

- There's a DoubleTree? - Yeah.

Absolutely not.

- But it's a DoubleTree. - Not happening, Pryce.

Well, welcome back, Mr. Dandry.

I see you have some four-legged friends with you.

- Well, of our pet-friendly rooms... - Hey.

...we have a junior suite.

Yeah. Don't need a suite.

Well, the suites come with a kitchenette.

Don't need a kitchenette.

Mmm. Kitchenette could be nice.

We have a courtyard room with a view of the pool.

Don't need a courtyard. Don't need a view. Just a bed.

- Two beds. - Two beds.

Well, would you be interested in upgrading...

- No. - No.

No. Just the room, four walls. That's it.

Please.

See? Solutions.

That's why they say the Pryce is right.

Okay, get some rest. We gotta tee off at high noon.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Good night.

Okay.

Today is going to be a walk in the park.

This place is made for your game.

Fairways are long and collecting.

- Mm-hmm. - Back nine's mostly downhill.

- You'll have... - Which is good, so what do I win?

Actually, today we don't worry about winning or losing.

- We're just gonna get the juices flowing. - Okay.

- Hmm. - What?

- Oh. - Yeah.

- Open your arms, mi amor. Yeah. - What's this?

Maybe I should get a little hit of whatever that is.

That is palo santo wood.

She used to do this before every tourney.

- Mm-hmm. - Cleans the energy, gets the vibe right.

- Yeah. It connects us to our ancestors. - I like it.

Smells like a Dead show.

Feel like it's summoning birdies and eagles.

- It is. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Okay. So, just to recap, just have fun. No pressure.

Just gonna deice the wings.

Goddamn it!

You okay?

- What's wrong? - What's the matter?

Her dog got into the storage box and pissed.

Smells like a fuckin' kennel in here.

And how do you know it was one of my dogs?

Did you climb into the box and piss?

No, I don't think so. So it must've been one of your dogs.

Probably that Mister Rogers mutt with his dumb sweater.

Just relax, all right?

We can deal with it later. Mitts, we need to sign in.

You go. I gotta take care of this before it sets.

Good idea. Yeah.

Anything I can do?

For starters you could maybe house train your mutts.

Aside from that, how about getting me some club soda

so I can get the stink out before it sets?

A "please" would be nice.

Welcome to this year's Sparkling Meadows championship.

Today's tournament is a shotgun start.

Kathy has your pairings over at the table.

And a big shout-out to Chuck Gray, our last year's winner.

All right. Play well. Play timely. And, uh, have fun.

You want to head out to the first tee, stretch a little?

- I'll meet you out there. - Yeah. Okay.

Take some putts too.

Ooh.

Hi. What can I get you?

Hi. Strange request.

I have a... a little situation happening in a motor home.

Can I buy a pitcher of club soda from you?

Uh, yeah, sure. Just give me one minute.

What's that beautiful thing you're making?

This is a birdie bellini.

So it's prosecco, peach puree, and Malfy gin.

I'ma have one of those while I wait.

Yes, ma'am.

Yeah.

Excuse me, honey. How we looking on that round?

Give me one minute.

Another minute?

Golf bros.

I despise golf bros.

Yeah. At least they tip like shit.

Jesus Christ.

It's like this dog had a fucking agenda.

Did they all come in here? What the fuck.

Oh, my God. Fuck!

Son of a bitch!

Come on!

Oh, fuck.

Goddamn it!

Are you hustling me? I feel like you're trying to hustle me.

Oh, I'm not hustling anybody.

I'm suggesting you put your money where your mouth is.

I mean, you're the one who's in here saying your nephew's some kind of hotshot.

I never said hotshot.

I said he's a talented kid, which he is.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

You said he was gonna win it all today, right?

He'll clean house, that's what you said.

Isn't that what he said? It's what you said.

Well, I mean, he's my nephew. I'm a home-teamer.

But I never mentioned money. That was you.

It's 500 bucks. I mean, you don't have 500 bucks?

Of course I got 500 bucks. That's not the point.

We're talking about betting on a child.

Oh, come on. Give me a break.

It's my sister's kid. It just feels inappropriate.

- All right. So don't call it a bet. - What do I call it?

Something else. I don't know. Um, you're seeding your own 529 form.

What's a 529 form?

It's an education fund for college. You're being a good uncle.

Yeah, but if he loses, I gotta pay you $500.

But he's not gonna lose, right?

It's what you said. Back it up.

Geez. My sister did say college is expensive.

It is.

All right, but if we're gonna do this,

we should at least help the kid pay for his books.

That's what I'm talking about.

- Oh. What did I get myself into? - Yes.

Any questions?

What's the course record?

Exactly.

Good drive.

Uh-huh. Appreciate it.

It's gonna be a good day.

So this lady goes into the pro shop and she asks,

"Do you have something for a bee sting?" The pro goes, "Where'd it sting you?"

She says, "Between the first and second hole."

The pro goes, "Well, first of all, your stance is too wide."

Oh, you not laughing? You didn't think it was funny?

No, I did.

Uh, the first time I heard it two months ago

from a woman who actually stuck the landing.

- I'm sorry. I got more of... - Please don't touch me.

- Ooh, feisty. - Okay.

How about this one?

What do you call a blonde at the golf course?

- What? - The 19th hole.

No, come on. It's fu...

What the fuck?

- Zero! - Fuck.

Sir, I'm terribly sorry.

You're apologizing to him?

Zero, can we talk quietly in the kitchen, please?

No, no. You know what? We can do this right here.

You're gonna fire me because you think I should just smile

and let assholes be assholes.

But you know what, Mr. Bronwyn? I'm gonna do you a favor, I quit.

I'm so sorry. I will be right back.

Fucking bitch.

I know. Women have no sense of humor.

Really?

She's fucking nuts though...

What the fuck?

So what are you thinking?

You see that wind blowing?

I think hit a little knockdown shot.

Just a three-quarter swing, weight on your front foot,

ball back in your stance and hold the finish.

Got it.

Whew.

Yes.

- I see what you're doing. - You said to hold my finish.

And to think I thought you might not be coachable.

- Come on! - What?

Is someone there?

Where the hell are you?

I'm under the bed. What took you so long?

It was very busy. And they were very short-staffed.

Why are you under the bed?

Look, there's a latch on the side of the bed.

- That'll unlock it and then just... - Okay.

...lift the handle up to lift the mattress.

You see it?

Oh, no, this looks wrong.

What?

- Everything is bent. - Fuck.

Like... things that should not be bent, are bent.

Oh, shit.

The struts must have snapped when it dropped.

- Yeah. - Okay, listen.

You're gonna need to get under the carriage

and grab my screw gun, all right?

We need to take off the hinges.

Uh-oh.

All right, buddy.

What happened there?

I don't know.

I do. Your stance is all over the place and the ball is too forward.

Come on, you gotta think before you hit, Bamm-Bamm.

Be smart.

Actually, you know what? Scratch the wedge.

Let's just use the eight iron here.

We're 30 yards out.

No, I know. But just hit a little bump and run.

Just choke down on it. You got all that green.

It's easy.

Here we go.

You got this.

What the hell was that?

You're the one that told me to hit the eight, right?

- So I hit the eight. - Hey, I said hit a bump and run.

I didn't say skull it across the county line.

It was a mishit, it's not a big deal.

- Right. - Nice try.

It's okay, he'll bounce back.

Damn it!

I thought you'd bounce back.

You're six over. Are you kidding me?

Is it the new clubs or something?

Do you need a burger? Is it low blood sugar?

What, we're just shrugging now?

Listen, I'm trying to understand what's going on with you. Help me.

You're six over on the front nine, for God's sakes.

Whatever.

No, it's not whatever, okay?

You've double bogeyed the last three holes.

- I'm having a bad day, Pryce. - Santi, no.

A bad day for a player like you

is better than anything these goobs could ever hope for.

We gotta pull out of this. Are you listening to me?

Hey, sit up!

Wake up, and start playing like you want to be here.

Get your head in the game.

Santi?

Whoa!

What are you so pissed about?

You got a lot of big mad happening. What's going on?

Just some asshole.

Yeah, I came across a few of those myself today.

It's not working.

Which screw gun are you using?

You use a different screw gun for different purposes?

I'm using the yellow one.

You're stripping the screws, I can hear it.

Don't yell at me, please.

Have you seen Santi?

But he was supposed to be with you.

Pryce, get me out of here.

Mitts, what...

Are you under the bed?

No, I'm a fucking ghost. Yes, I'm under the bed.

Why are you under the bed?

Because I got stuck under the bed. Can you get me out, please?

Yeah, no, pero, Pryce, what happened with Santi? What's going on?

Ah, it's nothing. He's fine.

He had a rough front nine and we kinda got into a little thing.

What kind of little thing?

- Excuse me. - Nothing.

I mean, I barked at him a little bit.

- Hello. - What did you say?

I said he needed to get his head in the game

'cause he's not playing up to his potential.

- Guys? - Then he stormed off.

- You pulled a Gary Wheeler. - A what?

Yeah. That's the kind of thing his father used to say.

What does that mean?

Santi's dad was his biggest fan when he played good.

But when he was not playing so good, Gary was an asshole.

A yelling, humiliating, poking him in the chest,

"Get your head in the game," kind of asshole.

- Why were you leaning on the kid? - What?

It's a dog track tourney. It means nothing.

- Why were you yelling at him? - Yeah.

Because he was six over on the front nine

and I was trying to light a fire under him.

So what? It doesn't mean anything. There is nothing at stake.

- Or is there? - I should get back.

- You got money on it, don't you? - What? No. No.

- What? - You fucking idiot.

- No, I didn't... - Okay, what?

Says the guy trapped under the bed.

How much did you put on him? I can hear it in your voice.

You're scratching your ear right now, aren't you?

- Yes, he is. He's doing that. - No, I wasn't.

That's what he does when he's lying.

- I had an itch, come on. - Did you bet on my kid?

- No, I... I didn't. No. No. - He did.

Pryce, you told me this whole thing was legit.

This is legit. It's not a big deal. It's a few bucks.

It's a few bucks?

Look, I got to go. The back nine's about to start.

Pryce!

Did he leave?

Elena?

Did... Did you leave?

Yeah, I don't... I mean, this guy Pryce sounds like he's exploiting you.

You know, he's making you jump through his hoops for his own ego

- and personal gain, you know what I mean? - Yeah.

Yeah, like, it's so obvious. It's cliché.

It's what these capitalists do.

It's the same shit that these tight-ass country club managers

do to people like me.

They're like, "Stay in line, follow our rules."

Like, fuck you. I'm not your proverbial bitch.

I mean it.

Yeah, I know.

- Try harder. - I'm trying.

It's not working. Nothing's moving.

Try yanking.

What is the difference between yanking and pulling?

It's a swifter action.

It's more deliberate.

Aha, okay, more deliberate. Okay, okay.

Hold on, let me...

- It's not working. - So what are you doing?

Are you just sitting on the bed now?

Okay, look...

...I know how to get you out.

Then do it.

But before I do it, we need to have a conversation.

Are you kidding me?

You wanna have a conversation while I'm trapped under a bed?

- We need to set some boundaries. - Oh, my God.

I don't like the way you talk to me.

I mean, I've only known you for 24 hours and you're quacking orders at me.

Like all nilly-willy.

Mm-mmm. No.

No, you're very condescending.

You act like you don't want me to be in your RV.

I don't want you in my RV.

Well, too bad because we're here.

And the way you treat me is unacceptable.

I was married to an asshole before, and I'm not married to him anymore.

So while we're here, we're gonna be civil.

Is that clear?

Is that clear?

Yes. Yes, it's clear.

Now can you please...

...get me out of here?

Yes, I can.

Great.

911, what's your emergency?

Uh, hi. I have a man trapped in a bed.

And it's not as sexy as it sounds.

This guy really gave your mom a hundred grand?

Yep.

Okay, so you must be good.

I am.

How good are you? Like for real, how good?

Like, really good.

Hmm, like, really, really good?

- Yeah, all the "really's." Yeah. - Okay.

So then what happened today?

I don't know. I...

I was playing great and then on five I...

I choked, I got in my head.

And then Pryce started being an asshole

and then it just got even worse. And I...

No, screw that. Screw that.

You can't just, like, give your power away like that.

You know what I mean? Especially not to that idiot.

You can't just let him take what's intrinsically yours.

I'm-I'm talking about extreme ownership of your gifts.

You know what I mean?

Look, there's still more golf, right?

Back nine.

Okay. So, get out there and show them what's up.

Own it.

I'm assessing your player a one stroke penalty.

What? No.

If he's not back on the tee box in five minutes, he's DQ'd.

I thought it's ten minutes.

- What if it's a medical emergency that... - Hey! I heard that.

Your nephew doesn't finish, you pay up three G's.

Okay, okay. Just give me a little space. Just a Hula-Hoop of distance.

Okay, what are you saying?

You're not the kind of guy who's gonna skip out on a bet, are you?

I'm the last guy who's gonna skip out on a bet.

I have my money right here. Happy to pay if I lose.

- Do you have your money? - I do.

Okay.

Come on, Mitts, pick up.

Hey. Leave a message.

Hey, it's me. We might need to skip out on this.

Now there's a maintenance entrance off the 14th hole.

I want you to bring the RV around, wait for me there.

I'm gonna be walking, maybe running. When you see me coming make sure...

Oh, yeah.

Actually, this might not be over. Call you back.

Come on.

Talk birdie to me.

See, that's what I'm talking about.

When you get it dialed in, then...

You're gonna carry your own clubs?

Okay.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Yes.

Come on!

Yeah!

There it is.

Yes!

Come on!

Yes.

You hustled me.

Hustled you? You're the one who wanted to bet.

- Come on. - Jesus, I don't even care.

That was, hands down, the best golf this course has ever seen.

It was pretty good, man.

All right.

- For his college fund. - Higher learning.

- Congrats. - Congrats. Yeah.

Whoa! Okay.

You fix it?

Yeah.

Look...

about the RV. I'm just not used to having people in here.

You know, it was always just, uh, me and my wife.

And, uh, I think that's why I've been edgy.

That's no reason to take it out on me.

I know. You're right.

You're right.

Okay, you good?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yes!

What a way to finish.

That's one of the best back nines I have ever s...

Santi, hey.

Whoa, hey.

Hold on a second.

Man...

Look, I'm sorry the way I talked to you today.

What can I say? I'm competitive.

Fuck off, Pryce.

Come on! Dude, extreme ownership.

I wanna see it.

- Oh, my God, it's nice. It is cool. - It's cool, right?

Who the hell is that?

That?

That's trouble.