Original subtitles

WOMAN: Okay here we go.

Oh wow.

Oh my God you guys.

Oh my God Rachel you suck.

BOUNCER: it's a private party. -it's okay they're kind of expecting me.

[LIL WENDY'S "SHAKE IT" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

-Shake it shake it -Let me hear you now

Shake it shake it shake it

-Shake it shake it -Let me hear you now

Hello?

[MUSIC STOPS]

ALL: Surprise!

[ALL CHEERING]

[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

I know you told me not to but I just had to.

I just had to.

-You're not mad are you? -No it's sweet.

And are you surprised?

Was I surprised?

-You were? -Ugh. Was I?

She was surprised!

You don't want this. I knew it I knew it I knew it. We did it!

[ALL CHEERING]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

-No! Oh no sorry somebody's in here. -Ow!

It's me.

-Ow. Not afraid to put your back into it. -What are you doing in the ladies} room?

What? I saw you come in here looking all tragic.

So I'm hereto check for razor blades.

You were not coming in here for me.

You're dodging Claire.

See what happens when you sleep with people you don't love?

-That's insulting. -Why don't you talk to her?

Rachel she's crazy.

[CROWD CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

CLAIRE: There you are. -Good God.

CLAIRE: Hi. -Hi.

Where have you been all night mister? Mr. I\/Iagoo. Ha-ha-ha.

Just hiding. Yeah.

Hiding. Ha-ha-ha.

-it's so like chaotic in here. -Yep.

Do you wanna--? Do you wanna go someplace more like um intimate or--?

No. Party. So I think I'll stay here.

-Me neither. I don't want to either. -Yep. Awesome.

-Oh my God. -What is it?

I want you to see me drop it like it's hot. One second.

-This is awesome. -[\lVHISPERING] Talk to her.

DARCY: When she walked in.... Aah!

HEY!

-That was very nice of you. -What?

Pretending to be surprised.

-Please don't tell her. She'll be heartbroken. -l won't.

[MIMICS THUD]

What's going on Dex?

How you doing? You gonna introduce me to the birthday girl?

Rachel this is Marcus. Old family friend. Just moved into town.

What up birthday girl?

Please stop saying that.

Don't worry. The capacity to be pleasured only increases with age.

-Trust me. -Wow.

What's up? What's your name? You got a boyfriend?

RACHEL: Wow. -Yeah. I'm sorry.

DARCY: Hello.

Hello.

I'm gonna say something. And I know everybody wants to hear it.

Center of attention. That's weird.

All right well as most of you know I'm getting married in 61 days.

[ALL CHEER]

And Dex honey I have a confession to make.

This won't be my first marriage.

[SALT-N-PEPA'S "SHOOP" PLAYING ON STEREO]

I wanna shoop baby

Yep. Rachel and I have been soul mates since the beginning.

Like two peas in a pod we did everything together.

Like re-enacting Dirty Dancing.

And our infamous dance routine to Salt-N-Pepa's "Push It."

We basically shared everything. Including Ethan.

Oh shit. Why am I in this?

DARCY: Our date to the sixth grade dance.

And through all the years Rachel and I were inseparable.

It was us against the world.

And after we graduated Indiana she ditched my ass for stupid law school...

Mdespite the fact that I selflessly rejected...

...my acceptance to Notre Dame...

...because she wasn't let in.

But whatever.

It all worked out in the end because she went to NYU Lavv...

...and met my future husband and introduced us.

[CROWD CHEERING]

I'll never forget when Dex proposed...

...all I could think about when he was down on one knee...

...vvas that I wish Rachel was here...

...watching me in this moment.

[\lVHISPERING] Sorry. Who are we celebrating?

I mean to say you are my best friend is the understatement of the century.

You're the sister I never had.

You're sometimes the mother I often need.

The reason why I can stumble so fearlessly into adventure...

...is because she's always there.

She is always always there.

I love you Rachel.

[\lVHISPERING] I love you too.

Happy 30th!

I'm so happy it's not me yet!

All right. Come on let's get this party going. Come on come on.

[CROWD CHEERING AND UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]

And shake it shake it.

[CHUCKLING]

Wow.

So are you two like uh--?

A couple? Nope.

-NO? -Nope.

You guys ever--?

-No. No. -NO?

WOMAN: Shake it Darcy!

You know what sweetheart? I think it's time that you came down.

[UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

Rachel tell him to let me stay.

Come on I did the party. I'm the one who did it.

-Honey I love you so much. -l love you.

-Did you like it? Did you like your party? -l did. I loved it.

[DARCY LAUGHING]

Oh my God remind me to buy you new shoes. I just hate your shoes so much.

Okay yep time to go home.

-l hate them. -You know what? She'll call you tomorrow.

I don't understand why you think "I'm gonna buy that pair of shoes."

-Happy birthday. -Hey thank you.

[\lVHISTLES]

Never helps but I do it anyway.

There's an 0Id maid in the window. Let's get her a cat.

Okay you're not 0Id.

You're just a lawyer. it's different.

I'm serious Ethan. Thirty's young but it's not that young.

-Okay. Ten-second pity party. Go. -Ethan.

I'm past my prime child-bearing years.

Wow. Okay. I didn't know we were going dark.

I basically wasted my entire 2os.

And I hate my job.

Okay two things? You went way over.

And secondly you didn't waste your 2os. You just grew up.

Why won't you marry me?

Because I like you too much.

Ah! Perfect timing.

RACHEL: Dex.

-Hey what's going on? -Darcy forgot her purse.

RACHEL: Her new Chanel? -Not the new Chanel! Let's go.

-C0me 0n. -Oh. |'m gonna go help him find it.

Are you serious?

|t's like a $2000 handbag.

Dudes aren't supposed to know that.

In or out asshole?

You need a hug buddy.

Oh! And voilé.

-Oh! -Ha-ha-ha.

-You all right? -Mm-hm.

-You sure? -Mm-hm.

Thank you. Come on. I'll get you a taxi.

So did you have a good time tonight?

Yeah I did.

[SCOFFS]

I did!

Hey. Let's get one more drink.

Oh no that's okay. You don't have to.

Come on. I want to.

DEX: Two Heinekens please.

RACHEL: Darcy. DARCY: it'll be fun. Come on.

DEX: Are you always this obnoxious?

DARCY: Ha-ha-ha. Yes I am. Does that surprise you?

Wow. You really don't notice the way women look at you.

You're funny.

I'm not that funny.

You're right. You were much funnier in law school.

[CHUCKLES]

[G ROANS]

God if we could do anything anything wake up tomorrow and do anything...

...be anything what would you do?

-What would you be? -Rap superstar.

Come on seriously.

I'd be a teacher.

-Really? -Yeah.

Yeah I always wanted to teach.

You know maybe start with high school.

Coach the soccer team.

So why aren't we? Doing what we really wanna do?

Well I don't know about you...

...but doing what I wanna do has never been much of a factor.

It's more like what I'm expected to do.

Yes.

Exactly.

Wow. We're really flipping her out.

She can't imagine what you're doing here with me.

Hot people are supposed to be with hot people.

-Excuse me. RACHEL: Dex. Shh!

You're making my girlfriend uncomfortable.

-Dex. Stop it. -What?

Oh my God. Ha-ha-ha.

Oh. Now I remember why I had such a crush on you in law school.

No you didn't.

Course I did.

Oh come on. You knew.

Two stops. Tenth and Second then down to Tribeca.

I'm sorry.

I don't know why I....

I was just a--

Yeah all right. I'm thinking more like one stop.

DARCY [ON MACHINE]: Rach? Rachel?

Rach.

Rachel pick up.

Pick up pick up pick up.

Oh my God.

DARCY: Rachel. Rach. -Oh my God. What did I do?

DARCY: I'm panicking. Dex never came home.

Oh no.

DARCY: Listen to me. Dex never came home and I don't--

[TELEPHONE BEEPS]

Fourteen missed calls.

Oh my God! Wait! Don't be naked!

What--?

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

-Should I answer it? -What? No! No no. Don't--

Oh shit!

-Pants. What? -l should answer.

DARCY: Why isn't anyone answering? -Don't answer the phone.

RACHEL: I'll just say.... DARCY: Pick up the phone!

-What? DARCY: Rach.

I don't know.

DARCY: it's an emergency and I think Dex is cheating on me.

And I know it sounds so crazy but hot people they get cheated on sometimes.

-What do we do? DEX: Rachel.

It'll be okay. it's gonna be okay. We'll figure it out.

[G ROANS]

I'll tell her I was with Marcus.

[\lVHISPERING] God I'm such a terrible person.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] What did I do?

I mean not just to her but to you.

Rachel stop. It wasn't just you.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Rachel I--

I better go.

-Hello? -Rach where the hell have you been?

Dex didn't come home last night.

-Hello? -Oh my God.

-Rachel. -Yes I heard you.

He didn't come home last night.

He better have been hit by a car or in jail or something.

Darcy don't say that.

Do you think he's cheating?

No.

-He loves you. -l know he loves me obviously.

But where the hell is he?

Did you see him last night? At the bar? Did you see him when you left the bar?

Oh yeah.

Uh he was with Marcus. They were uh watching a game.

A game? At 2 in the morning?

It was something European. Oh cricket maybe.

Cricket?

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

Oh my God. it's him.

I'm gonna see about this cricket crap. I'll call you right back.

Cricket. Cricket?

DEX: You don't happen to have four extra pens do you?

Oh I do actually. I brought a bunch.

You're making fun of me.

No I'm impressed.

You're making me feel really inadequate right now.

[DOOR OPENS]

I'm Professor Dennis Zigman and this is Torts.

A few ground rules: Never introduce a contingency in your answer.

A supposed tortfeasor may be argued to have committed a tortious act...

...when four conditions have been met.

Each is necessary. None is in itself sufficient.

There must be a duty or obligation. This duty must have been breached.

-This breach must have caused damage. -[\lVHISPERING] What about you?

ZIGMAN: Duty breach causation.

[\lVHISPERING] That's okay. I'll just listen.

ZIGMAN: Damage.

Thank you.

ZIGMAN: Duty breach causation damage.

Now this duty is not a statutory duty.

The breach. The breach may be in the form of negligence.

[GRUNTING AND SHOUTING]

[RINGING]

-Darcy. -it's Dex.

I borrowed her phone.

Um I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.

Oh. Yeah I'm fine.

Are you okay?

I um....

DARCY: Hey. Who are you talking to?

DEX: it's Rachel.

Oh! Hey. Sorry. Totally forgot to call you back.

Yeah no. Is everything okay?

No it's fine. He just got drunk and passed out at Marcus'. Whatever.

-Wish her Happy birthday. -Oh my God. Happy birthday.

-Thanks. So everything's okay with Dex? DARCY: Yeah yeah.

Um yeah. Yeah.

[\lVHISPERING] Except he got a little weird...

...and acted really guilty and said vve have to have a talk.

Talk about what?

I don't know. Whatever.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] I gotta go. Kiss kiss kiss.

Wait can I just talk to Dex real quick?

[GASPING]

DARCY: Because the dress I picked was perfect.

Unless this one's even more perfect.

Darcy you look incredible.

Wow. Wow.

She's having her bridal moment.

Hey Darce. You okay?

-You okay Darce? -No I'm fine. I'm just--

I wanna cry on the day...

...so I wanna check my mascaras make sure it doesn't run...

...so I'm trying out all these different 0nes.

My mascara. Is it running?

I wish I could cry more.

Can we get a bigger train?

[DEX & RACHEL LAUGHING]

Shh!

Sorry.

Duty breach causation....

-Oh jeez. RACHEL: Hold on.

-What am I missing? What am I missing? -Damages.

Oh shit.

[STUDENTS HUSH]

[\lVHISPERING] Sorry. I'm sorry.

Here.

Use a mnemonic.

D B C D.

Deliver by Christmas Day.

Don't blame Cameron Diaz.

[LAUGHING]

-This isn't even that funny is it? DEX: No.

It's not funny at all.

How about when all of this is over...

...Dex buys celebratory dinner?

Oh! Yeah.

Sure.

[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]

-Actually I spun the bottle. -Yes.

-l would spin the bottle. -Ha-ha-ha.

And well she manipulated the bottle so that it landed on me of course.

-And so we go in the closet. -Ha-ha-ha.

But it was one of the best kisses I've ever had.

Wow.

-And.... -And um my first kiss was on a golf course.

-Okay. -In the middle of the night and I was 13.

-Ha-ha-ha. -That's--

DARCY: Crashing.

Oh I don't know. He's okay-looking.

Dex this is Darcy. Darcy this is Dex.

You've been talking about him for nine months.

Well he's been a very great study partner.

Wow. You two lighten up. Your tarts are over.

-Torts. Th-- -Whatever.

Excuse me.

Uh could we have six shots of tequila por favor?

So games fun let's get this party started. Truth or dare.

Darcy.

It'll be fun. Come on.

Okay fine. I'll start. Dare.

Ask Rachel out on a real date instead of whatever this is.

Darce. We're just friends.

Fine. Then ask me out.

Hey don't look at me.

-Who are you? -Who am I? I counselor am fun.

Which you look like you could use a lot more of.

-Oh is that so? DARCY: Mm-hm.

Yeah it is fun so I'm willing to share.

-Are you always this obnoxious? -Ha-ha-ha.

-Yes. I am. Does that surprise you? DEX: Yeah.

Surprise me? No. You seem like trouble.

DARCY: Trouble?

[DEX & DARCY LAUGHING]

DARCY: Rachel.

Did you hear me? Rachel?

[\lVHISTLES]

Veil no veil?

Hmm?

Veil.

Veil.

DARCY: Oh come on Rachel. I mean really.

You're 30you can't afford to be picky.

Oh my God. I can't believe I forgot to tell you. Guess who thinks you're hot.

Marcus.

Oh.

Dex's friend Marcus. He was at your party.

-Yeah no. -What?

Oh my God. You're like....

Whatever. So guess what I did.

I convinced Marcus to take the last bedroom in the Hamptons house.

-Darcy. -What? it'll be so fun.

It'll be like your own little live-in boy toy.

Actually I'm gonna have to work most weekends.

RACHEL: Hey. ETHAN: Hey.

Can't believe I'm doing this.

Oh stop it. it's one weekend. it's gonna be beautiful. You can write.

What are you talking about?

The Hamptons are like a zombie movie directed by Ralph Lauren.

And I won't be doing a lot of writing...

Mseeing as how I'm your sexual chaperone from Marco.

-I\/Iarcus. -I\/Iarky.

-I\/Iarcus. -Doesn't matter.

[DARCY CHEERING]

[UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]

-No. -Yikes.

No please tell me he's not coming.

-Good nig ht everybody. -Darcy be nice.

What's with the backpack Ethan? Like 1982.

-You're lame. -You're lame.

-Hey. What's up buddy? -Hey look who it is. it's this guy.

MARCUS: Dude. Three chicks three dudes.

-Hi. ETHAN: Thanks bro.

-Get on in there doggie. -Don't touch me though.

-Here-- That's all right. I got it. RACHEL: No it's okay. I got it. Thank you.

I got that one.

DARCY: By the way Ethan you're sleeping in a little girl's room.

ETHAN: Oh great. You're gross.

Pay the toll. Pay the toll.

-I'll get one later. DARCY: Sun waiting for us!

DEX: You ready? You ready? -Whoo!

MARCUS: The Hamptons baby huh?

[DARCY CHEERING]

Oh my God you guys. Welcome.

[DARCY LAUGHING]

DARCY: Oh my God. Honey. Honey.

MARCUS: Save it for the honeymoon. DARCY: Yes.

I'd like to make a toast.

Here...

...is to my last and best summer of my former life...

...before I become I\/Irs. Dexter Thaler.

L\/lay we all come up here as often as possible before Labor Day...

...and spend the summer full of sun fun drinking partying--

We should do some shots.

[DARCY CHEERS]

MARCUS: Cheers.

ALL: Cheers. MARCUS: Cheers buddy.

Cheers. Look in the eyes. Look in the eyes everybody. In the eyes.

Bad luck if you don't do it.

Dex Rachel look in each 0ther's eyes.

Let's go out!

MARCUS: Let's go to the Jetty.

[KING FLOYD'S "GROOVE ME" PLAYING ON STEREO]

[CROWD CHEERING]

ETHAN: You gotta stop staring. -What?

I wasn't.

What? I'm talking about cuckoo bird over there.

Look at her. She's just a little gremlin.

She's like some weird animal.

She's like a freaking circus animal.

-What is that? -Oh just stop it.

She's a perfectly normal woman who made the great mistake...

...0fthinking some man wanted her when all he wanted was sex.

-Thanks Oprah. I don't need-- -Just go talk to her.

Okay. I should totally do that.

Not now I'm not.

Oh 0h 0h!

What's up? How you doing?

-Ooh! Hey! -Too much? Too much? All right.

How you doing?

Could I get a l\/laker's on the rocks please? Thank you.

You're like a shark.

That kind of hurts my feelings a little bit.

I'm actually a pretty sensitive guy.

-Oh really? -Once when I was 9 years 0ld...

...I saved the life of a chipmunk.

A chipmunk.

He fell out of our tree and almost died. He didn't know what to do.

He couldn't move his legs.

So I built a tiny little splint for his tiny little broken leg.

And I carried him around in a BabyBj6m.

And all the kids in my neighborhood they laughed. They made fun of me.

They threw rocks at me. But I didn't care.

-You know why? -Why?

Because all I saw was this little fur ball that needed love.

That's really sweet.

I know.

So next time you wanna call somebody a shark just remember the chipmunk.

All right.

How about we go outside and get a little fresh air? What?

-No. Sorry. Not my thing. -Ha-ha-ha.

-Not your thing? -Not my thing.

Okay.

You know what? Why not?

God I'm good.

MARCUS: I don't know what you're talking about.

-But where did the guy end up? -We never spoke to him again.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

Bedtime baby.

Yeah you two should go.

You know what hon? I'm actually not that tired.

Good.

Yeah well good night man.

What a great day huh?

Come here. Love you.

[MOUTHS] Come on.

-[MOUTHS] So hot. DEX: Good night Marcus.

Night you two.

-Have fun. -Good night.

[SIGHS]

[RACHEL CLEARS THROAT]

Alone at last.

MARCUS: Here we go. Yeah.

DARCY: Oh Dex.

Dex.

[DARCY MOANING]

[TELEVISION STOPS]

-ls that--? -it's a cat.

Oh that was no cat.

I'm really digging the ambience in this house.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

-Hey. Hey. -Oh.

-it's so like crazy out there. -ls it?

Um do you think maybe I could uh could sleepin here? In this room?

No. Nope. Nope.

Because it's....

Claire I'm....

I'm really sorry. I should've talked to you about this before.

I'm just-- I can tell you from in there.

Um....

I think I'm gay.

That came out wrong. I'm definitely gay.

I'm really gay. I'm just figuring it out.

-Oh my God. -This weekend's been a lot.

I'm a little-- Feeling vulnerable excited liberated. Things....

Phew. Got a lot going on.

All these things I'm dealing with it's just....

There's not enough room for all of it and you.

-Okay. -You know?

-So.... -Okay.

All right. Thanks for being cool with it.

I accept.

-You accept what now? -l accept the challenge.

I accept the challenge of being your partner in this journey.

No. You're not getting it. I don't need you as a partner.

I need another partner. I need like a guy partner.

Like dudes maybe a lot of them.

Yes. We're gonna work through this.

There's no working through it. it's not a curable thing.

This I got.

-We start tomorrow. -We're not-- What are we starting?

-Yeah. -What? Claire. Claire!

DARCY: Yeah.

Yeah! Yeah!

[DARCY MOANING AND SHOUTING]

-Well I'm out of here. DARCY: What?

You're leaving?

-No. -My boss called. I have to go in.

Tell him you can't. What an ass.

Ass face.

-l know. -Will you make her stay?

Rachel you really should stay.

You're gonna miss them shooting another porno.

You are obviously still so in love with me.

[IN MOCKING VOICE] Obviously.

Do we have the number for a taxi? I need to get to the Jitney.

It's okay.

I could take you.

Yeah. Honey will take you.

Well there you go.

You don't really have to go do you?

I'm sorry. Can we um--? Can we just forget this happened?

Okay.

We'll forget it happened.

Good. Why did it happen?

Why did you kiss me?

Yeah....

[STAMMERING]

We shouldn't....

You were having wedding jitters.

And I was emotional about turning 30.

-We were both really drunk. -l wasn't that drunk.

What?

I wasn't that drunk.

-I'm sorry. I shouldn't even-- -No it was just a mistake.

It was a big mistake.

Yeah you know what? It was ha a big mistake.

So how was the rest of the weekend?

I just had the best time with your boyfriend Marco.

-I\/Iarcus. -Doesn't matter.

Everybody was okay with me leaving?

You know Darcy? Dex? Anybody say anything?

Well we all had a good cry but then-- No. No one cared. Why?

Nothing.

I'm having dinner with Darcy. She said it was important.

It's important? Oh my God should I be there?

Ha.

WOMAN: Oh that's great.

[CROWD CHATTERING]

MAN: Just because we didn't--

Rachel is here.

Oh. Rach.

-Rach we're back here. MAN: A bit short.

-Hi. -Hi.

Do you wanna sit down?

No that's okay. I just-- I thought that we were having dinner alone Darce.

DARCY: Right. -So did I.

We're not. There's something the three of us need to talk about that's important.

Let me get a chair. Can I steal this?

Scoot overjust a smidge. Thank you.

Okay.

There's something going on here and I think we all know what it is.

I know there's something going on.

I've been noticing this for a while.

And I read in Cosmopolitan magazine toda-- Well I skimmed it.

And it said it's normal for the best friend and the fiancé to be...

...upset about losing the attention of the bride.

That is what's going on here right?

Actually--

-Guilty. DEX: Yeah.

-That's it. That's it. -Okay all right. Let's get over it now.

Let's move on from this because there are no third wheels.

I love you both.

WOMAN: Thank you. MAN: You're welcome.

Yes thank you for dinner.

So did you and Marcus do it?

DEX: Darcy. DARCY: Heh-heh-heh.

It's a legitimate question.

Did you?

-Tell me. -No.

Was he a good kisser at least?

-Will you leave her alone? -Come on.

Shush. This is between me and my best girlfriend.

Well?

-Was he? -Hmm?

I knew it. I knew it. Will you tell Dex he doesn't know you at all?

He was like "She's not into him. Why would she be into him?"

I just....

-l think you two are different. That's all. -SO?

So what? We're different.

If people fell in love based on similarities the two of you would be a couple.

DEX: I'm gonna get a taxi.

-Okay. -I\/Ieet me up front.

DARCY: Are you gonna leave me?

Okay. Maid of honor favor.

You have to see this '9os cover band with me tomorrow night.

For the wedding.

You have to. it's the only time they're playing and Dex loves the band.

-I'm slammed at work. -Promised him I'd go.

He's working. You're coming. Please? You have way better taste than me.

Than I. it's "than I."

-You have better taste than I. -Than I do.

Sounds weird.

Fine. Ahem.

When do I ever say no to you?

[SINGING] How's it gonna be

When you don't know me anymore?

Hey. Where are you?

Oh something came up.

RACHEL: Wait you're not coming?

Well I-- Ow!

Um why don't you just listen to a couple songs and call me after? I gotta go.

How's it gonna be

When you don't know me anymore?

How's it gonna be

How's it gonna be?

How's it gonna be?

How's it gonna be?

How's it gonna be?

[CROWD CHEERING]

[BAND PLAYING COUNTING CROWS' "ROUND HERE"]

Step out the front door Like a ghost into the fog

Where no one notices the contrast Of white on white

In between the moon and you Angels get a better view

I can't believe she sent you here.

-it's fine. -No.

This is not fine.

How come you never told me how you felt in law school?

Dex I never should have said anything. I'm....

I just wish I would've known.

What do you mean?

Rachel you were all I ever thought about in law school.

Did you really not know that?

Why are you saying this to me?

-Rachel-- -Wait don't.

-Please don't. -Rachel.

This is not wedding jitters. It never was.

I just-- I can't stop thinking about you...

...and I don't know what to do.

Rachel look at me.

Look at me.

If you feel the same way about me tell me now.

Please.

Just tell me now.

I can't.

It's too late.

It's too late.

SINGER: We all look the same

I do feel the same way.

Ivvish I didn't.

But I do.

DEX [ON RECORDING]: Hey. I can't stop thinking about what just happened.

God this is crazy.

But I just wanna make sure you come to the Hamptons this weekend.

I um hope to see you there. Okay.

CLAIRE: Lunchtime!

-Hey. -Hey.

-How are you? -I'm good. How are you?

DARCY: Ha-ha-ha. Hi.

-I uh forgot something. DARCY: Ugh.

-What a dramatic day. DEX: It is.

Oh. Heh-heh-heh.

Why are you wearing that?

What? Why shouldn't gays have the same rights as we do?

I'm gonna go grab a beer. Do you guys want anything?

I'll have a beer.

I agree I just....

Hey Rach.

I'm sorry about that. Uh I was just thinking--

No peppers right baby?

-When did you get here? -Uh this morning.

I didn't invite you back another weekend. So why are you here?

Because I love you and I can't stand to be away from you.

And also my apartment flooded.

Really? It flooded? That's so weird. I don't care.

-Darcy. DARCY: That's crazy.

Be nice to him. He's going through something very difficult.

Thank you. Well no it was just the apartment flooding is the only thing.

[GIGGLING]

MARCUS: I think I need a wet nap.

You do.

MARCUS: Good spread.

Spaghetti.

We're allowed to have guests right?

Is there any vodka?

DEX: Mom don't worry.

Yeah no it shouldn't be a problem. Okay well I'll call you tomorrow.

It's all gonna be fine Mom.

I love you too.

That your mom?

Is she not doing well again?

She's actually getting better. She's so excited about the wedding.

Right. Ahem.

You know when I was a kid...

...and her depression got really bad my father made sure he wasn't around...

...so I'd just try to cheer her up.

The worst part was...

...l actually was afraid that if I couldn't make her happy I'd lose her.

That's a good reason to be afraid.

DARCY: Dex! FedEx! it's our proofs for our wedding invites! Come see!

I'm sorry we haven't had anytime to talk.

Nice jeans dude.

Nice hair bro.

MARCUS: You wanna go dip your toes in the water with me?

I think she's asleep. Or dead.

MARCUS: Well I'm gonna go.

DEX: Something tells me you're not kidding. DARCY: I'm not.

[DEX CHUCKLING UNEASILY]

Ha-ha-ha.

That's like the fakest laugh. Whats wrong with you lately?

I'm sorry. I'm just a little tense.

Tense.

I love you baby even when you're tense.

What are you doing?

What do you mean?

What am I doing?

Don't even think about it.

What did I say huh?

Darcy you're so dead.

[SHOUTING AND LAUGHING]

[MISS EIGHTY 6'S "CAME TO PARTY" PLAYING ON STEREO]

When I need to get away Itum it up

I let it play Let the DJ show me the way of the player

Until I'm feeling as good as

Oh 0h 0h Oh 0h 0h

Oh 0h 0h

We came hereto party

-My mom didn't know what I was doing. -Oh 0h 0h

Oh 0h 0h Oh 0h 0h

We came hereto party

Oh 0h 0h

-Get away from me. -Oh 0h 0h

Oh 0h 0h

So I built this tiny little splint for his tiny little broken leg.

And I had to do CPR on him. You couldn't push hard. You had to just blow it--

-l need him. I'm sorry. -Oh!

Oh God! I need you.

Aah! Yeah!

[BUBBA SPARXXX'S "MS. NEW BOOTY" PLAYING]

Bring it back to me

Hit the players} club For about a month or two

Yeah Rachel!

I found you I\/Is. New Booty

Do it girl!

I'm here for you baby! Whatever you need! Whatever you need baby!

Put a tan on it Then see what it do

Get it right Get it right get it tight

DARCY: Oh yeah.

[MOUTHS] No.

Give him your back. Give him your back.

Girl I don't need you But you need me

Take it off let it flop Shake it freely

[SHOUTS]

I let 'em tell itself And you ain't gotta sell girl it sell itself

Like nothing else Yeah I'm a country boy

Yeah.

Ain't life grand? Live it up daddy

[SHOUTING]

MARCUS: Yeah get in there.

[G ROANING]

Are you all right?

Yeah no I just think I pulled something.

Your vagina?

No I didn't pull my vagina.

-Ha-ha-ha. I'm just kidding. -l just pulled near my vagina.

She's fine she's fine.

Now I know how many flowers it takes for you to call me back when you're mad.

Sorry. It just....

Look I know this weekend wasn't what we had hoped it would be.

RACHEL: No it wasn't just this weekend.

It's watching you with her. And knowing what we're doing.

What are we doing? it's just....

It's hard to see you with her Dex.

I can't believe I'm saying these things.

Rachel what we need is some time alone.

Just the two of us.

You know what next weekend is the Fourth of July.

I'll say I have to work.

And it'll be like a time-out.

A time-out to see what this is...

...without anyone or anything around us.

What do you say?

Gotta go. Call you back.

Sorry. Started without you. Good God. Who are those from?

-Uh Marcus. -Really? Because they look expensive.

-Should we go? -Yes we should.

And that was him on the phone too right?

-You doing good? -Should we go?

Yes we should. There's a note.

It's private. Come on.

Come on. I was just gonna check his spelling.

-Heh. -Rachel.

Rachel who are the flowers from?

Do you want me to guess?

Please don't.

Please say something.

I don't know what you want me to say. I mean I guess I'm impressed actually.

I didn't think you had it in you. Him either.

It's nothing to be proud of.

Oh my God it's terrible.

Why? Nobody's married yet.

And besides sometimes good people do bad things right?

And hey I could see you guys together.

So what's the plan?

You gonna stay here spend Fourth of July weekend with him?

He wants to spend some time together to see what this thing is.

And what do you want?

I want not to want him.

Is that true?

I don't know.

Well I can tell you this.

If the roles were reversed...

...Darcy wouldn't even hesitate.

RACHEL: Darcy I really have to get back to work.

What about these?

Did you hear me?

-Can I read you something? -Can you read it fast?

-it's my vows. -l have to be--

Sit.

Ready?

"Dex.

Dex.

Our love is like the ocean. Endless and deep always flowing."

it's awful? You hate it?

I don't hate it. it's lovely.

Oceans don't flow. Rivers flow.

See you're better at this than I am. Help me.

Right now?

-Come on. -Okay.

Well forget the ocean.

Forget the ocean.

Uh tell him that...

...vvhen you're with him everything makes sense.

Right?

And he makes you giddy.

And...

...uh tell him that...

...he makes you the person you want to be instead of the person you are.

And that...

...uh the idea of life without him is...

...not only unbearable it's unimaginable.

DARCY: Oh my God.

-Ha ha. Hi. -What's up?

DARCY: How are you? I haven't seen you guys forever.

-How's it going? What's happening? WOMAN 1: I know.

-Who's that? DARCY: Oh that's Rachel.

You remember Rachel. My best friend from forever.

I know I'm getting-- I'm getting shoes for my wedding.

-Can you believe it? WOMAN 1: No!

DARCY: Yes.

DJ [ON RADIO]: If you're driving to the beach I hope you packed your patience...

Mbecause the roads are jammed folks...

...as New York City does its annual disappearing act for the Fourth of July.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

-Who is it? -it's Dex.

Hi.

Come on up.

You know what I'm gonna come down there.

I can come up.

No no no. I'm coming down.

Wow.

Sorry. I'm-- Ugh I'm just a....

-A wreck? -Heh.

Yes. Heh-heh-heh.

-So shall we go? -Yeah.

Wow. It really is deserted.

Yeah it's just us.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

-ls that her? You can answer if you want. -No.

You know what I'm gonna turn this thing off.

I'm sorry. I'm not-- I just-- I'm not uh really comfortable.

No it's 0kay...

...because this is already the best weekend I've had in a long time.

Do you remember that night when we were studying for our Torts final?

And you were laughing so hard?

You know exactly what I'm talking about don't you?

Yeah.

Didn't you feel what I was feeling?

I did.

At least I was hoping that's what you were feeling.

Yeah but then that night when I met Darcy...

...l actually thought you set us up.

I just didn't think someone like you...

...could ever like someone like me.

[CROWD CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]

[SIGHS]

That's a nice way to wake up.

Good morning.

I wanna tell you something.

Tell me something.

I love you.

I love you Rachel.

I think I always have loved you.

Imagine I'm holding your hand right now.

RACHEL: Okay.

-You're blushing. MAN: Dexter.

Is that--?

-That's my parents. -Who's that?

I wonder what he's doing. He's not supposed to be in town.

Oh my God. I should go.

No don't.

-Dex. -Stay.

Well this is a surprise. Heh heh.

Dex what are you doing here? We thought you were in the Hamptons.

-l had to work. -Mm. Had to work.

Mom Dad you remember Rachel White.

Oh my gosh yes.

-Hello dear. -Hi. Good to see you.

BRIDGET: Guess who was asleep in the box with his head on the pillow next to Buddy.

Little Dex did not come out of that box for two days. Ha-ha-ha.

Dexter come. Let's walk.

-Excuse us ladies. -Excuse us.

Mom thank you for thoroughly embarrassing me. Appreciate that.

My pleasure.

[CHUCKLES]

Your mother doesn't like me drinking during the daytime.

Well she looks good. She seems happy.

She sure does.

I don't think I've ever seen her so happy.

I\/lust be the wedding.

Cheers.

Dad can I ask you a question?

Have you ever gone down a road...

...I mean far down it and....

And wondered maybe if it wasn't what you want?

What you want.

The problem with that expression is...

...it's frequently at odds with what's right.

Isn't it?

Now whatevefs going on between you and that girl you stop it. Now.

-But Dad-- -No.

You know what I'm talking about.

That's not the kind of people we are.

Yes sir.

Your mom is a sweetheart.

Your dad....

I see where the strong silent thing comes from.

Is everything okay?

Yeah. Yeah I'm just tired.

Do you wanna come up?

I do but uh Darcy texted and they're on their way back so....

-Oh. Yeah. -l should....

Rachel just so you know...

...vvhat I said this morning....

Yeah?

I meant it.

That's what he said?

It's complicated Ethan.

Don't.

Don't what? Rachel it's not complicated. He's being a dick.

To be honest you're being stupid.

-Whoa. I'm being stupid? -Yes.

He's stringing you along. And the worst part is you're just letting him.

How long are you gonna let this happen? His wedding day?

-His first anniversary? -He's not even married yet Ethan.

Exactly Rachel. He's not even married yet.

Which means he can change his situation anytime he wants.

But he hasn't has he?

Have you even seen him have you even talked to him since the Fourth of July?

Rachel when did you become one of these women that just waits?

And is still waiting.

I don't exactly see you living your happily ever after.

Maybe you're right. But at least I try. At least I take chances.

When? When is the last time you took a chance?

Two days ago when I decided to moveto London.

-What? -Yeah. I'm moving there in the fall.

When were you gonna tell me?

Um today. Just now actually before you yelled at me.

There's a publisher who's really interested in my book.

She wants to work on it.

Ethan that's incredible.

Hey you wanna give me a killer going-away present?

-What? -Tell your boyfriend to make a decision.

MARCUS: Nice Justin.

I'm okay.

Oh nice one!

Hey.

Hi.

MARCUS: So I'm lying in bed last night...

...thinking about you wondering if I should jerk off or not.

But the thing was I couldn't get it up.

And that never happens by the way. Just FYI. Never happens to me.

And it wasn't because I don't think you're hot. I do.

I totally think you're hot.

I just feel....

I don't know. I associate you now with failure.

[RACHEL LAUGHS]

How do you make the most hideous things sound charming?

-That's a compliment right? -Sure. Ha-ha-ha.

So how big you think it is?

Excuse me?

Oh my God.

The house. You think it'll be big?

What house?

The house that Dex's 0Id man is buying for him and Darcy.

What Darcy didn't tell you?

Yeah yeah. My dad is Dex's dad's realtor.

They're-- Right now they're out in Westchester...

...looking for $2 million mansions.

I\/lust be nice huh?

DARCY: Gorgeous. REALTOR: Oak floors throughout.

This is the study.

DARCY: You look good in here babe.

REALTOR: Hand-cut Vermont fieldstone. Watch your step.

Natural light to the left.

Southern exposure to the right.

So how many kids you planning to have?

As many as Dex's father tells me to have.

-This is amazing. -isn't it great?

DARCY: We love you so much. Thank you thank you thank you.

Hmm. So Dex?

What do you think?

It's great.

[CHUCKLES]

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

-Hello. -Hey you little tart.

Marcus just texted me.

He said you guys saw each other today. So spill the beans. Circumcised?

When were you gonna tell me about looking at houses?

How did you know? Oh I\/Iarcusfs dad.

Um it wasn't like a little secret.

Wait till you see this house that we loved.

Oh my God. We loved it.

We haven't decided anything yet.

-Oh am I on speaker? -Hi Rach.

Hey Dex.

You like the house too?

Uh yeah it was-- It was okay.

DARCY: What are you talking about?

-We loved it. -That's great. I gotta go. But Darce?

-Yeah. -Yes Marcus is circumcised.

Opposing counsel gave me a two-week extension to respond.

Yes I'll hold.

[CELL PHONE BUZZES]

[\lVOMEN CHEERING AND LAUGHING]

RACHEL: We only have one night.

DARCY: Oh I know. Me too.

CLAIRE: Bye Rachel. -Night. Bye.

-Good night. Good night Darcy. -Air air.

Darce where--? Where are you going?

You know what? I'm gonna sleep over at Rachel's tonight.

Oh come on. We haven't had a sleepover in like forever.

And plus Dex is gonna be out with all his bachelor buddies all night.

Oh.

Okay bye.

DARCY: Love you.

So what's going on in Marcus-land?

You gonna marry him?

Stop it.

What? Marcus isn't marriage material?

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Who is calling at this ungodly hour?

-Who is it? -Hello?

Rachel it's me. Please don't hang up.

-Rachel. -[\lVHISPERING] Who is it?

I miss you. That's all I want to say.

Um....

Look can I come up? I just wanna talk.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Who is it?

-Ethan. -Ethan?

Ethan? No it's Dex.

I'm downstairs.

-Can I see you? -Wait you're downstairs?

No! No no no! Darcy's here so....

He's downstairs and he wants to come up at 3 in the morning?

Um I'm gonna....

Oh my God.

-Ew. -What?

Ew! Ew!

Oh my God. You are having a fling with Ethan?

Oh my God you're having an affair with Ethan.

-l gotta go. -He's downstairs.

-No he's-- Oh shit. DARCY: Ainsley?

Oh Ainsleyl Way to go honey! I didn't know you had it in you you little shithead!

RACHEL: Close the window. DARCY: You little tart.

Oh my God. Why didn't you tell me?

Um you know it just happened.

It just happened.

Well we're gonna celebrate yourjust happening right now.

[SALT-N-PEPA'S "PUSH IT" PLAYING]

What are you doing? Oh come on.

-it's your favorite thing in the world. -Darcy no. No.

-Not tonight. -Sixth grade second place.

RACHEL: Not now.

We should've won. Get over here right now.

I suck.

Five six seven eight!

[SINGING IN UNISON] Ooh baby baby

Baby baby

Ooh baby

Salt-N-Pepa's here and we're in effect Want you to push it back

Coolin' by day then at night Workin' up a sweat

Come on girls let's go show the guys That we know how to become

Number one in a hot party show Now push it

Push it good

Push it real good

[DARCY CHEERS]

Push it good

Push it real good

[BOTH LAUGHING]

People who were friends as kids almost always lose touch eventually.

I'm glad we didn't.

Me too.

And we never will right?

No.

I don't think there's anybody who knows me like you.

Not even Dex does.

Not like you do.

It's like you totally accept me.

Darce why are you saying all this?

I don't know.

But when you're getting married you start thinking about all your big moments.

And you're in all of mine.

Me too.

Darcy?

[DARCY GRUNTS]

I have to tell you something.

Something I've done.

Rachel...

...I love you.

And I would never let GFIYOFIE hUl't YOU EVET.

And you wouldn't let anyone hurt me right?

No.

DARCY: Rach.

RACHEL: Hmm. -Rach. Oh God.

Good morning.

Do you think I should marry Dex?

What?

No I mean it. Do you think this is a good idea?

I mean nobody knows me like you. And you sort of know Dex too.

And you're much smarter than I am. I mean book-smarter anyway.

But what I'm trying to say is...

...you're not gonna let me do anything dumb are you?

Darcy.

No I mean it because....

Ugh I can really do-- I can really do dumb shit.

Because I do love him. I do.

And I know what he sees in me.

What?

You know what I mean.

He's never met anybody like me...

...because I don't let stuff get to me.

Which is true because I always assume everylhing'll just work out.

And I guess it's because it always has.

So I make him lighter and he kind of....

He makes me heavier somehow. In a good way.

Does that make sense?

It does.

And what you said in your vovvs...

...I feel that.

Especially when you said....

Um....

What exactly did you say again?

-Life without him would be unimaginable. -Yes. And it would.

But is that enough for a marriage?

I think....

Yeah?

You should marry him.

I love you so much.

I love you Darcy.

You are the best girlfriend in the world. Ever.

So it's 0kay that I kind of cheated on him a little bit?

What?

I-- Just barely. Heh. Once.

-With whom? -Well he was a guy from work.

And it was nothing. You know me it was just sex.

And I felt terrible so that's good.

Right?

Plus Dex hasn't had sex with me since before the Fourth of July.

Ugh. I'm so happy I got this off my chest.

I hate feeling guilty. I hate it.

I feel so much better now.

Oh my God. So when are you gonna tell him?

Do you want me to tell him? I would love to tell him.

It's none of your business. I told Darcy to marry him. I'm bowing out.

She just told you she's cheating. You want your opportunity take it.

Ethan stop.

I don't really get it. I don't get how you let her win all the time.

Wow.

Oh. No "wow" nothing. If the tables were turned you think she'd let you win?

Will you stop? What is it with you two? Why do you hate her so much?

What? I don't hate her.

I hate the fact that you yield to her at every tum.

So why do you do it? Why do you let her win?

Because that's what Darcy does. Darcy wins. She always has.

She sees things she wants them she gets them.

Ethan she got into Notre Dame.

Do you know how hard it is to get into Notre Dame? It is impossible.

But she did. And with her grades?

You're kidding right?

You're not kidding? Did you see her acceptance letter?

-What are you talking about? -Did you see the acceptance letter? I didn't.

Remember when she asked Michael Jordan to prom?

They sent a letter saying he couldn't make it.

How many times did she show us that letter?

I could recite it right now. That was a rejection.

Do you really think if she were accepted...

...that she wouldn't make us memorize that letter too?

Rachel come on.

She never got into Notre Dame.

Rachel. Okay look I get it. You're in a tough spot because you love him.

But you gotta do something about it.

He's a coward. If he breaks your heart I'm gonna take a swing at him.

-Then I'm gonna let him beat me up. -l gotta go. I'm late.

I know! Rachel that's the point. Be late. Better yet quit.

At least it would be a decision. Rachel!

You're all going to hell anyway so you might as well do something for yourself.

For once. Rachel you deserve to be happy.

Then butt out. That would make me happy.

I'll figure it out on my own.

Oh. Oh that's great. Let me know how that goes.

MARCUS: Serve is up.

All right.

DARCY: Whoo! DEX: Go! Yes!

Five-zip. We're killing you Rachel.

Isn't that the truth?

It is right?

MARCUS: I'm really competitive so I need you to focus.

You gotta pop it Rach. Pop it.

-it's a backhand. -Serve's up. Here we go.

Go Dex do it.

-Aah! Oops. MARCUS: Yeah!

Who doesn't love badminton?

Have you ever even played a sport in your life?

I think she's calling you gay son.

-l heard it. DARCY: Hey Romeo.

Why don't you get up off your ass and come help out your Juliet?

-What? -Darcy.

Your secret Iover. Wink wink.

RACHEL: Darcy. -Rachel shared your secret. Oops.

Oh. Oh wow. We're sharing secrets now.

See I didn't know we were at that part of the day but I am in.

-Ethan. -This sounds like fun.

-Give me this. Let's do this. -The novelist wants to play.

I got an idea. How about it's us versus you guys...

...but we'll do a secret for every point?

-Love that. -Ethan. Stop.

Gotta do this. Here we go.

-Don't. -l love it so much I'll serve first.

All right? Hit me Dex.

Dex hit me.

His name rhymes with sex. You know that?

I knew that.

ETHAN: I'm so happy to be here.

Ready?

[RACKETS THWACKING]

Yes do it again.

Whoo! Yeah! Yippee! We got a point. I got a secret. Rachel and Ethan are having sex.

-Ugh. -What?

DARCY: I was there the other night...

...and somebody showed up for a little booty call.

I knew it. I called it I knew it.

What? You told me you were gay!

That makes more sense.

I think that things are getting a tad competitive.

-Why don't we just take it down a notch? -No. Honey serve.

Rachel's right. Why don't we--?

No no no. Let's do this.

-Sen/e it. ETHAN: Do it.

DEX: Just.... -You know what?

Let's keep telling secrets.

DARCY: Come on. ETHAN: Serve it!

DARCY: Yeah. Serve it Dex.

ETHAN: Serve it Dex.

DARCY: Serve it Dex.

Serve it.

Yep. Easy.

[GRUNTING]

Watch out.

-Excuse me. -Aah!

-Rachel! -Jesus!

ETHAN: Come on Dex!

Okay. Yeah really?

I got it.

-There you go. Yeah. All right. -Ethan stop.

No. Let's hear a secret.

Rach why don't you do this one?

Come on guys. I think we're done here.

-No Dex. We're not. -Ethan stop it!

-What is going on? -If she's not gonna tell you I will.

Okay here we go.

[SHOUTS]

[MARCUS LAUGHING]

Shit.

What the hell was that?

Me? You broke my nose.

I'm sure I didn't break your nose.

God. And what is all this about us having sex?

Jesus Rachel just leave me out of your goddamn soap opera.

No one asked you to get involved.

Really? So why have I been listening to this bullshit all summer?

Rachel do something because this is just pathetic. But you know what?

At the end of the day you deserve each other.

He's never gonna do anything.

You're never gonna ask him to and let's be honest...

...you and I both know that even if you did she will never let you have him.

-You're an asshole! -Yeah maybe I am!

But I'm the only asshole here who gives a shit about you!

[MELLOW POP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]

DARCY: I wanna know what it is you're not telling me.

DEX: There's nothing to tell. If you wanna know something--

DARCY: I'm sorry that's weird and bizarre. And I'm asking you.

I don't wanna talk outside.

He's not really gay is he?

No.

Uh Claire we're not having an affair either.

That was just a....

It was....

He's never gonna love me is he?

I don't think so.

Least I tried. Right?

Yeah.

Ethan's-- Like I said I think it's weird too.

DARCY: Whatever.

-You told Ethan? -No. He guessed.

Darcy's upset. She keeps asking me what happened on the beach today.

You know what?

Work it out with her Dex.

Well--

Rachel.

Rachel.

Rachel what am I supposed to do?

Forget what you're supposed to do Dex. Do what you wanna do.

Live your own life the way you want to live it.

You wanna teach? Teach.

You don't wanna be the man who lives in the big house you hate?

Then don't be him.

Or do. Just decide.

[CROWD CHATTERING]

[DEX & DARCY LAUGHING]

-That was awesome. -What?

Nothing. You've got a great laugh.

Wait. When did this happen that you were like "I wanna be a lawyer"?

Who says "You know what I wanna do when I grow up? I wanna be a lawyer."

I'm sorry. I'm gonna take off.

Where are you going? Come on sit down.

I'm beat. This week has done me in.

I'll take you home.

-No you don't have to. -No it's fine. I'd like to.

Stop it. You two stay. I'm exhausted.

-Darcy I will call you in the morning. -Okay.

Dex you were incredible this week. I owe you one.

DEX: Rachel.

Rach.

Hey. What's up?

I just-- I just wanted to make sure you were okay.

Okay with--?

Well with this.

Oh yeah. Totally.

No Darcy's fantastic.

And hey you never know where it might lead right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well good night.

Good night.

[THUNDER BOOMING]

RACHEL: Dex!

Dex!

-Dex! -What's wrong?

I shouldn't have left.

-No it's okay. I understand. -No. Six years ago.

That night. I shouldn't have left.

It wasn't okay what happened.

-None of it was okay. -Rachel--

No no no let me say it.

Cancel the wedding.

Tell her you can't marry her.

I love you. I've always loved you.

And I should've told you a long time ago but I'm telling you now...

...before it's too late before it's really too late.

You're not the only one who hasn't been living his life.

I haven't either but I wanna live it now. And I wanna live it with you.

I can't Rachel.

I'm so sorry.

I can't.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

ETHAN [ON RECORDING]: Hey it's Ethan. Leave a message. Cheers.

[MOUTHS] I'm sorry.

Wow thank God you said sorry first because that would've been embarrassing.

-Heh-heh-heh. Hi. -Hi.

-Wow. Are you trying to make me cry? -Heh heh.

Hey so totally not a big deal but um why are you here?

I uh just needed to get away.

This close to the wedding? Darcy must be freaking out.

You're where?

It is one week before my wedding Rachel and you're in London?

RACHEL: I know.

Um I uh....

I just need some time.

You're my maid of honor.

-And you needed time? -it's Rachel?

DARCY: Are you kidding? -I um....

Rachel Rachel the band you picked sucks. The caterer is a nightmare.

You need to get back here right now. Right now.

-Darcy-- -Right now!

No.

Wow.

What the fuck?

Do you need me to be your maid of honor?

Oh my God.

I can do it.

I have dreamed about Darcy getting married almost my whole life.

But I don't know how to stand next to them while they promise those things.

While she says my words.

I still say you should've told Dex she was cheating.

No. And besides I didn't want him to pick me by default.

I wanna be someone's first choice.

Yeah.

You are.

No I know what you're saying.

I'm not his first choice.

Maybe you're someone's first choice.

What?

You never wondered about me?

I don't know how to say this. Um....

God Rachel I like you.

I've always liked you.

And when another guy came in the picture I liked you even more.

You are home for me.

Wow. That sounded crazy. Heh.

Wow. And that's probably what all this is. I mean it's probably just crazy. it's not--

it's not love.

Even though it kind of feels like it is.

Don't worry I....

My love's not really the overwhelming kind.

Jesus when I'm in love I uh drink rose and watch Remains of the Day. So....

I don't know Rachel. Maybe it's just that I....

Maybe it's just that I miss you.

But I think you fell in love with someone else.

And I think you still are.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh damn it.

-l knew I should've gone for Claire. -Ha-ha-ha.

-You still have a pump in every color. -Ha-ha-ha.

Yeah every night I put on my princess outfit.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[DOOR OPENS]

Oh good you're up.

Hey Ethan?

I'm going back.

Yeah well I think you and I both knew you weren't gonna miss that wedding.

No I'm not going back for her.

This isn't who I am.

I can't do whatever I want and not care if I hurt anybody.

Besides Darcy didn't do anything wrong. I did.

Rachel I can't hear this "Daddy hits me because he loves me" stuff anymore.

No this isn't me being pathetic anymore.

I have always thought it was Darcy who took things from me...

...but really it was just me vvho was giving everything up to her.

And Darcy may be...

...whatever Darcy is. I don't know what Darcy is but she is my best friend.

And I want to be there for her.

So I'm going to that wedding.

Then you win.

How did you uh--?

Called your office. I wanted to be here when you got home.

You have to go.

I can't do this anymore.

She deserves better. So do you. So do I.

I called off the wedding.

I told her I couldn't marry her.

When?

Couple hours ago.

What did she say?

What did she do?

She's pretty upset.

Mostly about what people are gonna think.

Then she threw a few things.

Did you tell her about us?

She asked if there was someone else. I said no.

Because I'm not sure yet if there still is.

I don't know what to say.

I don't expect anything. I don't deserve to expect anything.

I was afraid of hurting people.

And I just want to thank you...

...for finally asking for what you wanted...

...and for helping me to do the same.

I want to apologize...

...for being such a moron outside that bar six years ago...

...and outside the Jetty last week...

...where I made the worst decision of my life.

Basically you and I shouldn't have conversations outside bars anymore.

[BANGING ON DOOR]

DARCY: Rachel. Open up.

-Darcy. DARCY: Yes. Open the door.

How did you get into the building?

DARCY: There was a pizza guy and he let me in. Who cares? Open the door.

I need to talk to you!

Yeah um....

-I'm just changing. DARCY: Ugh!

I've seen your ass. Open the door.

I called off the wedding.

-You did. -Well...

...technically Dex said it first but I was thinking the same thing.

Wow. I think I need some air to process that. Wanna go for a walk?

No. I need to sit down.

-Before I tell you what I came to tell you... -Okay.

...I just wanna say that I'm not the only one of us...

...who's being dishonest here.

-What have I been dishonest about? -Please.

Give me a little credit Rachel.

Claire told me you were lying about Ethan.

I know for an absolute fact that you are not sleeping with Marcus.

So what you're making up stories to make me jealous?

You know I'm more sexual than you. I always have been.

I wasn't e-- And there was never a--

How did you know I never slept with Marcus?

Well um you said he was circumcised.

-Okay. -And he is not.

Marcus is the guy you slept with?

That's what I wanted to tell you.

-Can you get me some water? -Wait when?

When did you sleep with him?

Fourth of July.

Well we were both lonely and we were both drunk.

[FLOOR CREAKS NEARBY]

And we both felt awful afterwards.

I mean we promised right then and there that we would never do it again.

And we broke that promise because we did it again.

A couple times.

You slept with him more than once?

Oh God. Marcus and I have a....

Sit.

Okay Marcus and I have an extremely powerful connection.

It's like...

Mgenetic.

Genetic.

Chemical?

Whatever. I'm not a word person.

Anyway what I'm trying to say is I'm gonna need you now more than ever.

I took a test.

You're pregnant?

I am.

It's crazy.

I mean-- And good.

I mean Marcus has been amazing.

He is not what you think.

Yes yes he's a caveman a total caveman.

But one time he made a little splint...

...for this little chipmunk with a broken leg.

Is that not the sweetest thing you've ever heard?

Yeah.

I gotta go. He's downstairs. He's waiting. But I love you so much.

It's crazy...

...how things work out sometimes huh?

Bye .

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Is that Dex's jacket?

What is it doing here?

Oh he just left it at the restaurant. I must've picked it up.

No.

No he didn't because he was wearing it today so....

What is it doing here?

What is it doing here?

Darcy....

Where is he?

Darcy.

Where is he?

Where is he?

Dex?

-Darcy. Please let's just.... -Dex! Dex?

-Dex? -Darcy no!

Dex!

-You liar! -Are you kidding me?

You told me there was nobody in--

You are pregnant! Are you pretending you're the wronged party here?

Rachel? How could you do this to me?

I never wanted to hurt you Darcy. I never wanted to hurt you!

-Rachel! How could you do this to me? -Darcy I never wanted to hurt you.

I hate you. I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I never wanna speak to you again! Ever!

Dude you suck. I'm telling Mom.

Wish me luck dude.

Hey.

You look good.

I know. Clearly I'm gonna be one of those girls who only carries in my belly.

I bought him that shirt.

Darcy I'm really sorry.

You're really sorry you slept with my fiancé?

No I'm sorry I hurt you.

You always were jealous of me.

Ever since I got into Notre Dame.

You're right.

Darcy I miss you.

Every day.

You know I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life...

...so whatever.

I'm glad.

Rachel?

I am though.

Happy.

Good.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hey. Where are you?

I'll take this.