Original subtitles

Orgasm, orgasm, orgasm. Orgasm and procreation...

...orgasm and death. Two extremes.

Beginning and end of a long story.

Four hundred pages. I hope I have satisfied...

...your curiosity. A purely female prerogative.

Who suggested the idea to her that a woman reaches orgasm...

- ...only if she is raped? - My feminine side.

It must be very developed to suggest such insights to you.

It is developed enough and I assure you I know what I'm talking about.

You don't speak, you grunt.

Well done, thanks for the insult. It's a sign I've hit the mark.

Now I'll hit the mark, pig!

Pig, pig, pig.

Is she crazy?

Good, but what are you doing? Girls.

Ken.

Help! Ken!

You women always misunderstand.

Ken, help, Ken.

Help!

Help, Ken.

What do you want? Leave me alone.

Help!

Ken, Ken.

- Ken, help! - Cesare, here I am.

Oh, Ken. Finally.

Where were you hiding? Luckily you're here.

Those crazy women want to kill me, they say I know nothing..

- ..about orgasm. - Let them talk.

What do they know? Women!

Is Italy a racist country?

I ask, is Italy a racist country?

I can already hear the chorus of answers rising. No, no, no!

In absolute good faith, of course.

No. So, if it's no, who is committing...

...acts of violence against immigrants?

I'm not in a hurry, I'm waiting.

Who is burning their houses?

These people live in appalling conditions.

Racism is a stupid thing and we women should be...

...the first to understand it.

They only want to be our friends. Understand?

So they can give us all the affection they have.

I repeat.

All the affection that they have.

Let's try to think about it for a moment.

Women.

While our husbands at home, what are they doing instead?

They get fired up for soccer, for the game.

For alcohol.

Yes, they get fired up for everything, friends.

Except for you.

Let's try to wake up, friends. This is the opportunity.

And remember, where can we find a solution?

A very simple solution that is at hand?

The immigrants.

They are the last true men there...

..the wise lovers with healthy appetites.

Friends, if you need and finally want to adopt..

..a non-EU citizen, call us, call us...

..call us.

Smile.

And remember, black, ladies, makes you slimmer.

I'm the notary Eva Mayer. Mrs. Rambaldi is expecting me.

Please.

I'm so excited. It's been years since I've seen Carolina.

Does she still play those terrible pranks?

I have been in the service of the lady for years..

..and I've never gossiped about her.

Signora Rambaldi.

Signora Rambaldi.

She doesn't hear me.

Do you know she's had three heart attacks lately?

- Open up. - Already.

My God, Carolina.

Carolina, Carolina.

Carolina, what's wrong? Answer me. Carolina, please.

- Carolina. - She's dead. - Carolina. She's dead.

- Not yet. - What a fright.

- Will you ever change? - Eva, Eva.

Ah!

Come on, up.

Carolina, he's not dead, is he?

Well, maybe this time I joked a little too much.

But it's so much fun to scare him.

He's always been delicate, frail.

But he's so sweet.

I noticed that he called you by name.

Come on, Eva, don't you remember?

He was a handsome boy in his day.

We've met so many, huh?

- Are these your children? - Yes.

Lucrezia and Cesare.

It was that year that they tried to poison me.

- And this one? - The youngest.

Lazy too. But I'm very fond of him.

- What position does he hold? - Horizontal, always.

He's tireless.

- Rambaldi Marcello. - Present.

Now I know I've found what I've been looking for a long time.

- No one will separate me from you anymore. - No, Maggie.

This is the last time we'll see each other.

What? Did I hear that right?

- Can I know why? - I don't know about you...

I can't sleep with a woman more than ten times.

It gives me a sense of freedom.

So you put your sword back in its sheath and run away, huh?

I said goodbye, Maggie.

Go to hell.

Why did you make me come here?

Because I feel like I'm about to die.

What are you saying?

I'm leaving, dear Eva.

And for the friendship that has bound us for many years..

..only to you I want to dictate my last will.

- Hi, Pucci Pucci. - Still with this Pucci thing?

- Hi. - Hi.

The power went out, the storm blew..

..the valves.

Excuse me, did you call us just for this?

You must be strong.

Come.

The butler is dead.

That's it?

That's the bad news?

He died because of a prank by your mother.

I'm not surprised at all.

Eh! He was the only one who always fell for it.

- Mommy. - Mom, you're exaggerating now!

Mom.

("I, Carolina Rambaldi, in full possession...

..of my faculties and having reached the end of my life...

..communicate my last wishes.")

Couldn't we skip the preliminaries?

I have a rather urgent appointment.

Besides, we are the only three heirs..

- ..so these formalities... - Shut that slipper!

Mom!

Try to have a less stupid look.

You've spent your lives trying to cultivate your image.

Prove to me that it wasn't time wasted.

You're pathetic, you're failures.

On top of everything else, you've ruined..

..also my toy factory.

Which was the joy of all the children of Europe.

- I hate children. - Shut up!

I wanted to disinherit you, but my friend Eva..

..claimed that the law wouldn't allow me to.

So, I leave you your legal share..

..which is much more than you deserve.

I'll leave the rest to one of you three.

To the one that...

YES, so what? Of course.

Yes, for my career I had my tubes tied.

No, no, excuse me, you were supposed to tell me...

...that it was forever. But...

No, listen, I demand greater ethical awareness from a doctor.

I don't understand why you're making such a tragedy out of it.

Look, if my tubes don't play...

..I, dear, for this little joke of yours, I'm losing billions...

..got it?

Little joke.

You call it a joke to leave all the money...

..to whichever of us gets married within a year?

And who will have had a baby.

How could she have been so mean to me?

When I was a child, she adored me.

She always dressed me up as a girl.

Come on, Pucci Pucci, it's not over yet.

Maybe Ken would like to have a child.

And you know, love works miracles.

I'll look for a wife in the meantime.

Good, good, down.

Are you willing to contest the will with us?

- No. - Too bad.

- Aren't we hurting him too much? - No, it hasn't even been..

..three minutes.

- He's swelling up. - We'll empty him later.

Marcello, Marcello!

But it's been three minutes.

- He's not moving anymore! - Don't get sentimental now.

- He's dead! - No way!

Lucrezia, take your foot off.

- No. - He's dead, I'm telling you.

- Take your foot off. - No, no...

Take your foot off.

Oh! But why should I contest the will?

Having a child will be a piece of cake for me.

- And then excuse me, you become aunts and uncles. - Oh, no!

- Marcello, let's talk about it for a moment. - Yes, yes.

Where are you going?

- To look for a wife. - Pervert!

No, no.

- Lucrezia, do you have another idea? - I'm thinking about it.

You dry.

Dry!

Maggie, please, let me talk.

I have to tell you something important.

Give the gorilla a sedative.

Hey, Maggie, just give me a nod and I'll blow his head off..

..like a melon.

First he has to apologize to me.

I apologize, Maggie. But now let me talk.

Ouch, ouch!

You're hurting me, get off.

Throw him out.

No, please, I have to make you an important proposal.

Goodbye, Marcello.

Take care.

I wanted to ask you..

..to marry me.

Poor boy, did you hurt yourself?

Madam, will you marry me?

You don't need to get married to do certain things, you know?

Come here.

See, handsome dark-haired boy?

What? Teresa left?

She wanted to find herself in Tibet? I understand.

No, it's just that I wanted to ask her to marry me.

It doesn't matter. Thank you, madam, goodbye.

This one left, this one is a lesbian.

Francesca! No, she's married.

This one is a champion in Greco-Roman wrestling...

..so let's not even talk about it. Lucia. No, she's no good.

Let's not talk about Mario.

Ooh!

There was a puddle, wouldn't you know it...

This should be the right one, but the number can't be read anymore.

Is she crazy?

What is she doing? Don't do it.

Don't do it!

Don't do it, miss, please, don't do it.

Don't jump.

Refrain.

Life is beautiful, miss.

Don't... don't do it. You're so cute.

Let's get out of the way...

- ...the firemen are passing. - But why did she want to die...

...too?

Because I can't find a woman, they all reject me.

As long as you're happy with a fling, it's fine...

...but as soon as you mention marriage they disappear.

But that's the same reason I wanted to do it.

Then we have something in common.

Do you like ice cream?

How are you in your family... prolific?

Have you never had cases of sterility...

- Is that a fundamental detail? - Of course, a marriage...

- ...without children, what kind of marriage is it? - But why, do you want to marry me?

- Haven't you figured it out yet? - You're such a child.

Any other weaknesses?

He suffers from vertigo, he gets emotional easily.

Ah, he's never had measles.

He doesn't know...

He doesn't know how to swim, he's afraid of water.

Since we tried to drown him when he was a child.

He's got it into his head to want to marry me.

Why?

Why? Because he's crazy and makes up a new one every day.

You take him out as soon as possible...

...so you can pocket your fee and disappear.

And remember.

It has to look like an accident.

I'm sorry.

Do you prefer a painless death or do you want him to suffer?

No, no, please. Something in between.

Here we are. I'll open the door for you.

- What game are you playing? - It's not a game.

It's a surprise that will leave you speechless. Come on.

Give me your hand. Here.

Stand here.

Now I'll count to three and when I get to three...

...you can take off the blindfold.

One, two, and three.

Do you like my house?

Love. Love, wake up.

- Ouch, ouch, Mom. - Love.

- What a bump! - Honey. - Mom.

- What happened? - You tripped...

...and you hit your head.

- Poor darling. - My love.

- Is that really your house? - Do you like it?

Pretty cute.

Honey, can you tell me what game you're playing?

It seems obvious. I'm about to marry your brother.

I understand that, but our agreements were different.

Don't worry, I'll kill him, but only after the wedding.

I don't understand what you're thinking.

It's simple, I want a third of this fortune.

And as Marcello's widow I'll have it.

I'd like us to start clean as newborns.

Virgins. Without hiding anything, laying ourselves bare.

With absolute trust.

- Have you been honest with me? - Huh?

I asked if you've been honest with me.

- An open book, and you? - Not entirely.

There's something about me you don't know.

- Something bad? - You'll be the judge.

I'm ready for anything. Shoot.

I've already been married, twice.

I expected worse. I was almost scared.

Listen, where are your ex-husbands?

Dead, both of them.

I have a headache, the oysters...

..aphrodisiacs, yeah right...

Marina?

Is there something about me you don't like?

- I don't know, the smell, something else? - No, why?

I usually sparkle on occasions like this.

You were wonderful, happy?

You brought back a recurring nightmare...

..in which I make love with a penguin...

..in a giant freezer.

I can't let go, it's always been like this.

If someone tries to unlock me, I become dangerous.

How did your ex-husbands die?

Help!

Quick, guys, run to save him.

Don't worry, madam.

They'll take care of it, they're very good.

Here's the chamomile tea.

What a pity, such an accident on their honeymoon.

Marcello?

Marcello, are you awake?

You know, Marina, what they say is really true.

When you're about to die, the past flashes before you...

...like a movie.

I've seen so many things I had forgotten, good and bad.

And then I realized I didn't want to die...

...telling you a lie.

I... I don't love you.

The love at first sight was a lie.

I only married you to have a child with you.

Only then will I be able to inherit all of my mother's wealth.

Marina.

There, now you know the truth.

And the only remedy for my anxiety.

- I'm relaxing. - I don't feel any..

..pleasure. Trampling on someone who enjoys it.

- A little nervous, huh? - Shut that slipper.

It's your fault, you're the one who chose her.

- I never liked her. - The one you like..

..hasn't been invented yet.

I dream every night of all the billions I'll lose..

- ..because of you. - Do you think it's..

..a simple problem for me? It's much more serious.

I'm not attached to money like you, it's that money..

..is part of me. If they take it away from me..

..it's like they're cutting off a hand, an arm, a foot.

There are excellent prosthetics, dear.

Marina.

Marcello? Did you...

Here I am.

- Honey, have you told him yet? - No, darling.

We're expecting a baby.

A baby?

A baby?

They told me you were a professional.

As soon as I found out that all it took was to pop out a baby..

..to your brother to get you with your pants down, I said "why not"?

You won't get away with this. I'll tell Marcello everything.

- He needs to know who you are. - Oh yeah?

Are you also going to tell him that you hired me to take him out?

I don't think that's in your best interest.

If you talk, I'll strangle you. And from this moment on, we're at war.

Sharpen your weapons, Lucrezia!

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

- Excuse me, who are you? - I'm Paul. Lucrezia's gift.

Cesare.

- Yes? - And him?

How forgetful of me.

I haven't introduced you. Paul is from Ghana.

He speaks four languages, has three degrees...

...and is an excellent musician.

- What's he doing here? - The butler, naturally.

The other one followed mom into the grave and now you're without.

- I'll leave him to you. - No, I'm coming with you.

Please, sing, sing. Goodbye.

I'm starving.

It almost feels like I'm the one who's "pregnant".

Marina, let's start over from this moment.

Let's forget the lies, the misunderstandings.

I want ours to be a real story.

I want our son to find us madly in love.

What did I say?

Oh my god, oh my god. Oh!

I assure you that the shrimp...

...were defrosted.

Your mother was a bit crazy, and that's okay.

That even adds style. But you?

You are the talk of the town.

To have a child, you go and marry a foreigner...

...with no skills or connections. Never seen her.

- Without relatives... - Without relatives who matter.

Anna! This isn't the time.

We've known each other since childhood, you could have asked me.

At least it would have stayed within us.

There are no doubts about my fertility.

I gave that idiot Antonio three children.

I'd like to know what happened.

Nothing.

Your wife's antibodies attacked the fetus.

They practically massacred and expelled it.

How awful.

Sure, a bit on the vampiric lady.

She has a defense system that doesn't forgive.

A bit like a killer.

Marina!

You're so cute.

Don't do that.

Please.

Calm down, dear. Let's not descend into melodrama.

I don't like you. Disappear or I'll tear you to pieces.

How did you find her?

Instead of coal in the witch's stocking?

I scared him. That's why he died.

Who are you talking about?

We'll make another one right away, you'll see.

I'm not giving up, we'll get right to work.

You dropped this photo. Why is it cut in half?

It's a game I always play with my sister.

She has the other half.

You look lovely here.

You should always smile like that.

("The scorpion insisted.

part of the lake..

..on your back'. But the frog refused, saying:..

..'I'd be crazy to take you to the other side of the lake'.")

("You would sting me and it would be my end.'

And the scorpion said:...

'If I stung you, I would be the stupid one..

..because by sinking you would drown me too'.")

("And the frog said: 'That's true'.

And having taken the scorpion on its back, it dived into the lake.

But having reached the middle of the lake the frog felt a sting...

..and before dying managed to say:..")

("Idiot, why did you do it? Now you'll drown'.

And the scorpion said: 'It's my nature'.")

- Look, Mom, there's someone. - A thief.

Ssh! Be quiet. We have to catch him by surprise.

- Yes, and then we torture him. - Stay down.

Aunt Marina.

Hello, girls, how's it going?

There are presents for you on the table.

The presents! Let's open them.

Marina.

- Hi, little sister. - Do you still have that eye twitch?

Actually, I only get it when I see you.

I dreamed about you last night.

It was worse than the other times. You were...

You were so sad, desperate.

I got married.

And I lost a child.

And a stupid doctor told me that I can't have any more.

Sure, I got married for the money.

Besides, I never fall in love.

- I'm fine with that. - This passion of yours...

...for money, I don't understand it. After all, you only have one ass...

...and you can only put it on one chair at a time.

Aunt Marina, you're beautiful.

I prefer mom.

And what is love?

Living like you do, in the memory of an idiot...

...who died trying to put out an arson fire?

Your eye twitch is back.

You're the one who makes me get it.

Here we go again.

Alright, I'm bad, but I was born this way.

I tried to change, to be like you.

But it's not possible. You live in the odor of sanctity.

And if I'm a monster it's because you are...

- ...inhumanly perfect! - Marina, please...

...don't do this!

Mom.

Look, the cake is burning.

Uh!

Marina.

The Amico del Po is departing.

Passengers are kindly requested to take their seats.

Marina!

Marina!

Marina.

Marina, please, forgive me.

You don't know it, but I've already been through this twice.

And I've always had to terminate the pregnancy...

...before the third month.

It's something that I cannot accept.

I will never become a mother.

You mustn't give up, they've solved cases..

..that seemed hopeless.

There are specialized centers.

- Where? - In Munich.

They are experts in manipulative techniques.

They explant the egg from the tube just after fertilization..

..and transplant it into an artificial uterus.

And then?

They grow it until the third month and then reimplant it..

..in the maternal uterus.

And that's how I'll fool him.

And when it comes back inside me it will be too strong...

..to let itself die.

Bravo, Angela! Go for the explant!

And let's hope that with motherhood you can change.

Marina.

When did you arrive? If you had warned me..

..I would have come to pick you up.

Marina, what's wrong?

Why are you looking at me like that?

I would like to delve deeper into the mystery of procreation.

We can talk about it, the topic could be..

- ..interesting. - To work, Marcello. - Yes.

Wow! Good job.

But how many times do they do it? Every day?

- Many times a day. - How many?

- I haven't counted them. - Bad, very bad.

Remember that you are here to spy and report.

Otherwise you know what happens to you.

I'll take you to my show and throw you to the..

..female viewers.

You don't know it, but the world is full of lonely women.

Dangerous and voracious.

There are also many dangerous men.

Okay, I'll be more careful.

Good, Paul.

And every day pour a few drops of this into..

..Marcello's tea.

- Come here! - Yes, I wouldn't want..

..him to ruin it.

Again?

- There. - What are you doing, tying me up?

What are your intentions?

Wait a moment, let me catch my breath.

- You'll have time to rest later. - After what?

But I don't...

This is violence, I can't take it anymore.

- A little truce. - It's true.

True.

And no one can understand you better than a woman.

Because if I don't want to, you can't do anything.

A man cannot be raped.

Oh really?

No?

- Are you sure? - Yes.

- Sure, sure? - Yes.

Let's see.

Please, no, no.

Come on!

YES, yes!

Well, look at that, the great lover reduced to a rag.

- Maybe the tea made him sick. - The tea?

- I gave him three cups. - Three cups.

I know what made him sick.

Put him on the bed.

And now go and close the door.

- Marcello. - Eh?

Wake up, darling.

Who can explain to me how to get good grades?

A nice convent on a hill, healthy food, pure air.

Lots of prayer.

Don't ramble, dear.

I have wonderful news to give you.

- What? - We're expecting a baby.

Cesare, Cesare!

Are you joining in now too? Please, Cesare.

What are you doing standing there like that?

Give me a hand to bring him around.

What?

I don't know, give him a little tap.

- Should I? - Go on, go on.

Mama!

What tenderness this little cluster of cells has.

Look how they surround him and envelop him, the antibodies...

..of your wife.

- What do they want to do to him? - Haven't you figured it out yet?

Let's help him, let's do something.

He has to manage on his own. If he resists this siege...

..for the first three months he's safe.

My baby.

Anna, be honest, do you think he'll make it?

Look, poor thing, how he shrinks back in fear.

Everywhere he turns he only sees enemies.

Come on, little one.

Look at him.

What's wrong, did you hear something?

Calm down, calm down.

Signora Marina.

Signora, what are you doing in the garden at this hour?

I couldn't sleep and I came down for a stroll.

I heard the dog barking, maybe there's a stranger in the park.

There's no one there, go back to bed.

- I better take a look. - I told you to go back to bed.

Are you deaf or are you pretending not to understand?

Alright.

Good night, Signora.

- Hurry up. - This is madness.

Get undressed.

How long will this charade last?

- Seven, eight days. - That long?

What about my little girls?

They're doing great with their grandmother. Besides, there's no other choice.

No one must know that I'm going to Munich.

- I can't take any risks. - But they'll notice.

They'll realize immediately that I'm not you.

You kick them in the teeth and put on makeup.

And everything will be fine, you'll see.

Okay, I'm going.

Did you tell the taxi driver to wait for me?

Marina, wait.

If your husband wanted to...

Don't worry, I've taken the desire away from him for a while.

Who is it?

What do you want? What are you looking for in my room?

What... what... Why are you looking at me like that?

- Haven't you ever seen me? - I came down to get...

...a breath of fresh air. I'll go back to bed right away.

Good, because in the first three months you have to be careful.

It's dangerous. What are you doing?

Where are you going? Look, that's Cesare's room.

I don't think he'd appreciate your attempt at seduction.

That's right, how stupid of me. Who knows where my head is.

Eh, who knows, yes.

- To the bathroom. - The bathroom.

Yeah.

Everything okay? It's not that...

You sound strange. Are you okay?

I'm perfectly fine, don't stay up for me.

Good night.

Good night.

Good ni...

Cesare, that woman wants to kill us.

Who am I?

I hope with all my strength that you are Marcello.

Exactly. Do you know what I dreamed?

- Don't ask too much of me now. - I dreamed that our son...

...would be okay and be born healthy and strong...

...and we were so happy.

So you don't have to worry, my love, everything will be alright.

You did well to change perfume, I like this one more.

Madam, you got up early this morning.

I was thinking of preparing a nice breakfast.

I wanted to apologize for last night.

- These flowers are beautiful. - You must have had the impression...

...that I was spying on you.

- Where is the kitchen? - The kitchen?

Where it's always been. This way.

Please.

Where's my super skinny yogurt?

I made a cake with it.

Have a slice.

Taste it. I made it myself.

Taste it, come on.

Go on.

Thanks, I really wanted some.

Finally a breakfast worthy of the name.

Have Paul taste it.

Paul.

- Taste this cake. - Good morning. Thank you.

I'm hungry.

Nice cake.

Marcello!

What is it?

Actually, that slice is Paul's.

Don't worry, there's enough for everyone.

- Sorry. - Thank you.

You're welcome.

Delicious.

Wait, hold on.

- Are you in a good mood? - Never better.

You always exaggerate. It's definitely good.

Let me smell it, excuse me.

Delicious.

I believe so, it's grandma's cake.

Mm! It must be the yogurt.

And this is supposed to be the playroom?

Mom used to say that fear is educational.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Are you sure we've met before?

What do you say?

You must be a witch. Sometimes you become someone else.

Like magic.

- I'm always the same. - Excuse me a moment.

You really changed perfume.

- And what is this button for? - No, not that one!

Ah!

Marcello!

Ouch, ouch, mama. Ouch!

- What a headache. - You'll see the fresh air...

- ...will do you good. - Marina, I don't know...

...what's happening to me, I see you differently.

Is it motherhood that's softening you?

I want to change too.

I know, I'm lazy, mediocre, spoiled.

Make me better, I want you to like me.

But it's not me you have to please.

Who else then? You're my wife.

How long has it been since you gave me a kiss?

Oh, no.

Why not?

And what is this? Who put it here?

Madam.

- It was me. - But it's connected to a microphone.

- Yes. - On whose orders?

And this sudden mania for cooking?

It's clear, she intends to poison us.

Do I cook that badly?

I can't stand her, I can't stand her.

What about me, then?

If she forces me one more time to taste...

...those damned jams of hers, I swear I'll call the police.

She'll kill us all. You'll see, you'll see.

Sooner or later we'll kick the bucket.

- Shut up. - You chose her.

- You chose her! - I asked her...

...to kill Marcello, not to commit a massacre.

I also put a microphone in their room.

I felt the need to be fair.

Oh no!

Rest assured, the explant operation will be very brief.

So you can see your son.

Take good care of him. That embryo is worth billions.

Of liras, I hope.

Come on. And come on, faster.

- I'm dying to see him. - There's always time to die.

Calm down, be patient.

Here's your son.

- Which one? - Happy. That's what I called him.

Isn't he an adorable bundle of cells?

I know about embryos.

And that one has a wonderful character.

When he smiles, he's a sweetheart.

- And is he smiling now? - Of course, can't you see?

The ampoule is like a magnifying glass.

Hello?

I screwed you, you little bastard. Now think about growing up...

...because in three months I want you back inside me.

It's for her, your sister from Italy.

yes?

Why this phone call?

Why did you get sad? What did your mom tell you?

Take a plane and come here immediately.

I heard something horrible, I need to talk to you.

I'll wait for you in the bathroom.

I'm dying for it.

We can't, it could harm the baby.

Come on!

Let's see if it moves.

- I can't feel anything. - Of course not, it's not been..

..three months yet.

How do you know all these things?

- I just know. - I love you.

Marcello, I'm worried.

I don't know how to say it. There's like... There's something strange..

..in this house.

- You know what? - What?

From now on, only trust me.

You will only eat food prepared by my hands.

Even grandma's cake?

Even that.

- It's the end. - He'll kill us one by one.

Yeah, and all this will be his.

Change everything. Get rid of all this old stuff.

This is a beautiful house, it needs air and light.

Change is life. How do you say change...

- ...in your language? - Chachebo.

- You know, I'm writing a dictionary. - Really?

I translate every Italian word I learn into my dialect.

Magnificent, I'd love to see it.

- And where will my study be? - There won't be one.

The world will do without your genius...

- ...since you're so stingy with it. - What do you mean?

Excuse me, did I offend you?

Close your mouth, or flies will get in.

What time is it? It's late. I'm going to take a shower.

I certainly won't let anyone tread all over me.

- Let's go see the drawings. - Show me.

Where shall we sit?

Take Marcello's room.

- You've always liked it. - Of course, it's the best.

You're staying there now.

Here, with a view of the garden.

How dare you change everything without consulting me?

- But weren't you upstairs? - And I in my study..

- ..I won't give it up. - Here you go, madam.

I've translated a good one hundred and twenty-four Italian words.

I'm touched.

- I'm going to take a shower. - Another one?

Please, a kiss.

- Just a little kiss. Give it to me. - Stop it.

- To your little husband. - I'm tired.

Did you put on the perfume you used to wear? I liked the other one better.

- Leave me alone. - I liked that other one better...

It had a sweeter flavor.

A little kiss... Get away, go away.

I had always suspected it but now I know.

You're a murderer.

But did you see the house?

Those three imbeciles are at the top of the list...

...of the richest families in Italy.

But why kill Marcello?

Because he's deadly boring. If only he were a scoundrel.

But he's made of shortcrust pastry.

But with the shortage of men there is, where do you find another like that?

He's cute, very sweet.

How is he in bed?

I wouldn't know. You know I'm a little resistant to these things.

Come on, Marina, come out. You've been in there for half an hour.

Resistant.

Resistant to what?

Ah, you changed it. This is the perfume I adore.

- Stop joking. - Who's joking?

I adore this perfume, it reflects your personality.

Madam, may I offer you these flowers?

Ken.

Ken, what are you doing?

I gladly accept them, Ken.

Marcello, I'm worried about you.

Why?

I heard that your brothers want you dead.

I heard it said by Lucrezia.

- Did you tell her that? - What?

That you want to kill me.

No, no. I don't know, did I say that?

- More or less. - I don't remember.

Anyway, we're throwing these away because they're old...

...and they collect dust.

Renew, renew.

You don't know it, but Lucrezia is famous for inventing stories.

Madam, you're wanted on the phone.

This must be the dictionary. I bet it already contains...

...more than a hundred words.

One hundred and twenty-four, I told her before.

Oh, really?

Hello?

Madam, it's Regina. You must come back here immediately.

Happy is all purple.

I think it's an abandonment crisis.

He sees all the other embryos being cuddled by their mothers...

...and suffers.

Please, come back here immediately.

Paul.

Who is it?

I'm going to take a shower.

- Another one? - She's a bit strange today.

It must be the pregnancy that's making her nervous. Who knows.

The weather.

Where are you going?

I'm going for a walk.

Enough with the changes.

Nothing moves here anymore, I'm the boss.

Or have you forgotten who's in charge here?

I can't take it anymore, I can't take it anymore.

I'm getting a splitting headache.

And I'm getting nervous.

And anyway, there's someone I need to settle accounts with.

Listen, you ugly ape.

Now you explain to me what happened to you.

Why did you give her my flowers?

But Cesare.

You didn't suddenly have a surge of virility...

- ...did you? - I don't know.

It made me want to protect her.

Is that so, huh? And what desire do I make you feel?

Cesare!

Oh, Madonna.

Marina, where have you been hiding?

I'm here.

I couldn't see you, I was worried. I thought something had happened.

Take my passport so no one will suspect..

..that you've left.

Let me have news of you as soon as you can, please.

Have a good trip.

But there are two of them.

What do you mean, two?

Two? Cesare, have you been drinking?

What? How is that possible?

How...? I don't know.

Keep following her, right?

Seriously, do I really have to tell you everything?

- Madman. - Why?

Checkmate. I took out the queen and it's checkmate.

I think so, you look at me with those eyes...

...and I can't concentrate anymore.

- And who are these? - They are my...

- They are my sister's daughters. - You must have envied her.

She has children, a family and you're always pretending...

...to be fine alone. Darling.

Yeah, she's perfect.

My father constantly held her up as an example.

She must be so boring. I like you.

Wait.

Hello?

Don't do it, Angela. It's not worth it for you.

What are you talking about?

You know, it's not for nothing that we're twins.

Keep your hands off my husband or I swear I'll kill him...

...as soon as I get home on Christmas night.

I bet your eye tic is back.

I'm warning you that you're about to experience the most beautiful night...

- ...of your life. - Marcello!

I'll do everything I can to make you happy.

Even if it costs me my life.

- We can't. - Why not?

I made a vow.

A vow?

So that our son is born healthy and without problems.

What kind of vow?

You can't touch me until Christmas night.

That's crazy! I'll never make it.

I love you, it's the first time that something like this has happened to me.

- You love me? - Yes!

Then you can make a small sacrifice for me.

Besides, Christmas is just a week away.

A week?

Just, just.

The contacts are entered.

- What time shall we do it? - I'd say midnight.

The fateful hour.

Always the same romantic.

- But is that pacifier gold? - No, of course not.

How silly.

Here, I'll also put the little note in.

- All okay? - Go.

Honey, be careful.

Don't worry.

I'm even starting to see the resemblances.

The cheekbones especially.

What's wrong? Doesn't he feel well?

I'm nervous. I have a strange premonition.

She doesn't know it, but my in-laws hate me.

They wish this child of mine was never born.

My God!

I'm even forced to travel with my sister's passport..

..so they don't find out I'm here.

What an awful situation, I don't envy you.

But you'll see, as soon as the little one is born, everything changes.

Happy, you're scared to death.

Did you see the boogeyman, by any chance?

It's so cold.

Ah, here it is.

There we go. Away, away.

Damn it, right now. Where's the bathroom?

Finally, my love. It's Christmas night.

I know.

- Tonight? - Tonight.

I've been good, I knew how to wait.

You've been fantastic.

Anyway. I can't wait.

I hope you won't be disappointed.

You know...

- ...it doesn't depend on me. - Of course, it also depends on me.

I want it to be the most beautiful Christmas of your life.

I fell in love with you, you know. Yes, hello? One moment, please.

Me too.

Unfortunately.

Cesare wishes you a Merry Christmas.

Lucky him, getting a tan in the Maldives.

Mrs. Marina, a call from Munich. Your sister.

There's something so Christmassy about this tangle of siblings.

It's good to...

...surrender to the fact that we're not only children.

Yes, hello?

I'm about to leave, I'll arrive around half past midnight.

Be waiting for me in the garden.

And how is Marcello?

Marina, be sweet to him tonight.

He needs so much love.

He expects a lot from you.

I don't give gifts, not even for Christmas.

You were wrong to fuel his illusions.

I'll come back dead tired and I have no intention...

for him.

I I love him.

For the first time, I envy you.

You have no idea how lucky you are.

You know I don't like being touched.

- Happy birthday. - Same to you.

- Happy birthday. - Greetings.

Happy birthday to everyone.

- Happy birthday, happy birthday to all. - Merry Christmas.

Happy birthday, happy birthday to all.

Greetings.

You're welcome.

No, thank you.

These are all magicians. Even the gentleman.

They come from an astrology convention.

I had my horoscope done.

Oh really?

They told me I will look with great detachment...

..at my problems. Like from the top of a cloud.

Well, with the job he does, it's not difficult.

You don't believe it, madam, eh? You're wrong.

You think you have everything under control.

But destiny always manages to surprise us.

To your health.

- Excuse me. - You're welcome.

("In you I don't just see the mother of my son...

..but a true monument to maternity. Your Marcello.")

Asshole.

Ah!

Merry Christmas, Marina. Merry Christmas, Lucrezia.

- Marina, darling. - Madam, are you not feeling well?

What's wrong with her?

I don't know, she cooked it.

Let's take her upstairs, help me. Where are you going? This way.

- Go ahead. - Yes.

The door.

Quick, a glass of water.

Love, what's wrong? Answer me, please.

What's wrong, love?

Love.

Marina.

- Love, you are Marina. - No, I am not Marina.

Marina is dead, I feel it.

My back is killing me, the train is a deadly means of transport.

Yes, but it's much safer than the plane.

Cesare, Ken.

Lucrezia! It was nice of you to come and get us.

And the embryo is settled too.

Actually, there's no need anymore.

- Marina is gone. - What do you mean there's no need anymore?

Cesare, what... What have you done to me?

What did I send you to Monaco for?

Cesare, Cesare.

As long as that little monster lives, I can't...

...be calm. And you, idiot, what have you done?

- Come on, go back to Monaco. - But how?

- Bring it back to me in a jar. - But we can't.

- We can't. - Immediately! With the first train.

My back is killing me. Lucrezia, you have no mercy.

Lucrezia!

Were they his friends?

They were the greatest wizards in the world.

Then why did they take the plane?

Instead of asking stupid questions why don't you hug your sister?

What is she saying? Is she crazy?

I know, I haven't been nice to you but between twins...

You know, there's a hate-love relationship.

Wait, stop, little sister.

Where are you running?

Listen to me.

I want my baby to be born.

I was bad to him.

You. You have to give birth to him.

Listen to me and try to keep your nerves in check.

I want you to give birth to my son.

After all, I'm your sister and this is the last favor...

..that I ask of you.

What a pity, Angela, I liked you a lot, you know?

Too bad.

You seemed like a special type. Out of the ordinary.

Do you want your son to remain forever...

...a kind of test-tube hamburger?

Oh no! You had a brilliant idea.

You will give birth to my son and the inheritance will be ours, right?

I really wasn't thinking about the money.

Oh, no? I think you were.

It must be a family trait.

Only your sister was more honest...

...she made it clear right away what she was made of.

Now I recognize you. You're finally yourself.

Keep your money tight.

Didn't you just get married for that?

Angela, wait.

I didn't mean to offend you.

Forget my name, don't ever say it again.

- Marcello, are you an idiot? - Yes.

Poor Marcello, I understand your pain, you know.

Your wife left and with her all the inheritance.

Now all that's left for you is to take up the will...

...together with us and divide everything in equal parts...

...like good brothers.

Like in every family that respects itself.

You're wrong, my wife isn't dead, she's alive, very alive.

And she will soon give birth to our son.

Poor Marcello. Look, Marina was on that plane.

And she flew away like that, like a firework.

That was her twin sister Angela.

The passport she was traveling with also attests to it.

Cachet?

Well-conceived, but don't think you'll get away with it.

I am much smarter than you.

Remember that at school I only got bad grades.

Will he like me?

The histological affinity between her and her sister is very high.

We have ascertained the compatibility of the RH factor...

...with the fetus.

In our opinion, she can revive the genetic heritage...

...of her sister.

We therefore consent to the procedure...

...for the reimplantation of the fetus within her.

Will he want me as a mother?

Oh, who is it?

Regina.

Help, Regina.

Nurse. Nurse, please, help me.

- There's a man in my room. - That would be too good to be true.

Certain fortunes happen only in movies.

- I swear it's true. - Go back to your room.

Have a nice nap.

Regina, Regina!

Can someone tell me what's going on?

It must be a blackout, will you go and check?

- I'll take care of the embryos. - Thank you, you're an angel.

- There he is. - But who are you?

I've never seen you before.

Stop! Give me the child.

- Leave him alone. - Give me the child.

Ugly witch, give him to me.

Idiot.

Ouch!

Happy!

Happy.

Happy.

Bravo, bravo.

She's passed.

She's passed.

You can catch your breath, little one.

Now you're with your mommy.

Soon you will enter inside me..

..and no one will be able to hurt you anymore.

From now on your mommy will defend you.

No, you did well to call me.

I was hoping you would.

And you? How are you, all good?

Wonderful. The operation was perfectly successful.

In six months I will give birth to your and Marina's child.

It took two moms and dads to make him born.

We'll just need him to pocket ourselves...

...all of the mother's inheritance.

Is that all you have to say?

And what about us?

Marcello.

Marcello, can you hear me?

But you don't love anyone and you want that money...

...to delude yourself into thinking you've accomplished something in life at least.

But now the child is mine too and I don't want him to become like you.

- Angela, don't do that. - Don't worry, Regina.

I'm not crying.

I know it's not worth it.

I want to go home.

What am I doing here? I want to leave today.

I'm coming with you too. I'm coming with you and Happy.

- Piano, watch out. - What exaggeration.

What exaggeration?

Getting a cast for a small sprain.

- And you for two burns. - Come on.

I'll probably be disfigured, I can feel it.

Lucrezia, forgive me, please.

I couldn't do it. The embryo remained safe..

..in Angela's belly.

- Imbecile. - You're hurting me.

You're an incompetent.

Do you understand that now that horrible little monster..

..will see the light in six months?

YES, it will see the light and take all my money.

My money. Are you happy, Mom?

I won't give up. I won't give up.

I don't want to become an aunt, I don't want to.

I don't want to.

Mom!

Paul, please. You're a maniac.

My head is bursting as if I had slept for a week.

Meanwhile, many things have happened and more will happen.

- Enlighten me. - Yes, sir.

- Ah! Explain to me. - Your brothers have left.

They intend to prevent Mrs. Angela from giving birth to her son.

Exaggerated. I've known Lucrezia and Pucci Pucci since they were born.

- They bark, but they don't bite. - They bite, they bite.

- If no one stops them. - Ouch.

And they even enjoy it.

They want to kill her during the masked ball.

My God, Angela.

I can't stay here without doing anything.

She's right. If her brothers were to succeed..

..she wouldn't have the entire inheritance.

Who cares about the inheritance? I love her, I'm crazy about her.

You truly are the most beautiful in the realm.

And also the kindest.

But I'm left alone and I'm scared.

Mom.

- Mom. - Are you ready?

- The party has started. - We're just waiting for you.

This jacket!

What's up, Snow White? Did you eat the poisoned apple...

..and hope the prince comes to save you?

You know who I'm thinking about. I can't resign myself...

..to the idea that I'll never see him again.

He doesn't deserve you and he will pay hard for his mistakes.

Don't say that.

Stop.

Stop.

My car broke down, could you give me a ride?

- Please. - Thank you, very kind.

Hello, children.

Regina, Regina.

I was looking for you.

What's wrong, don't you feel well?

I don't know, it's a strange feeling.

I have a bad feeling.

Relax, everyone here is a friend.

Nothing can happen to us.

Is she really the fairest of them all?

Sometimes I think you take yourself too seriously.

Ahia, ah!

What's going on? They're all falling asleep.

Regina, you too? What's happening?

What's happening?

Ah, right, we put some sleeping potion...

...in the drinks.

We like to make people dream. Want to try?

Why don't you taste this apple?

So you'll fall asleep too.

Come on.

With only one difference.

- The others will wake up. - Taste it.

No, no.

Yes, yes, come on.

- No. Help! - Where is he going now?

Help!

- Slowly. - Look at that curve.

- Slowly. - What a curve!

- Maybe we'll hit the center. - Watch out for the wall.

- Maybe we'll hit the center. - The elbows!

Center!

- See? Safe and sound. - Only safe.

- Now run, huh? Bye. - Run? I'm not crazy.

Bye!

Excuse me, where is the party?

The masked ball.

- Help! - Angela!

Angela!

Angela.

Angela?

Angela, my love, where are you?

Angela.

- Hurry up. - I'm coming.

My makeup is getting ruined.

Stop.

Damn these clothes.

Don't queens ever wear something more practical?

- Don't talk nonsense. - Shut up, witch!

Snow White.

- Don't be silly. - Where is she hiding?

When she acts like this, I could poison her.

- She's gone. - Where is she? - Snow White!

Where are you? It's dinnertime. I have this nice little apple.

- Oh, I wonder where she is? - Angelina, come on.

What a pain.

Where is she?

Help!

Help, help.

Who's screaming?

Look where she's hiding.

- We should push her down. - Yes.

No, let's wait for her to slip.

- Should we try to give her a hand? - I don't know. What do we do, huh?

Help!

- A little nibble. - A small bite.

Help, help, help!

Help! Someone help me, please!

Have pity.

Does no one have pity on a poor, defenseless girl alone?

Oh my God, what a beast!

No, no, wait.

No, no, no. It's a tri...

It's a trick.

- Let me go. - I'm scared.

Don't be hysterical, let me go because I'm...

It's all your fault!

Help, help!

Angela, I'm here.

- It's me, Marcello. - My love. Is that you, my love?

- Yes. - Help me, I'm scared.

My love, don't worry, I'm here.

Hold on! Give me your hand. What I told you is not true...

...I don't care about the inheritance at all.

I love you! Come on, come on.

Come on, come on. Just a little effort, courage.

You're almost there. Come on.

- Help me. - You made it.

My savior.

- I love you. - I love you too.

- Cesare. - Eh?

- Do you know what a jerk is? - What is it?

It's someone who hurts others without gaining anything from it.

And they lived happily ever after.

He's just a baby.

The baby.

Honey, the creatures.