All language subtitles for Not Going Out s10e08 Halloween Special.eng

Yeah, not going out, not staying in,
hanging around with my head in a spin,

but there is no need to scream and
shout.

Zombies are supposed to be slow. But
they run around in Resident Evil

Apocalypse. Actually, they weren't
zombies.

They were mutations.

CBeebies is getting a bit edgy, isn't
it?

Years of misusing that arm.

I told you it would grow too strong and
fall off.

I don't know why we're trick -or
-treating anyway.

We're teaching the kids to be Americans.

No, we're not.

You finished building the wall yet,
Donald?

Make Halloween great again.

Don't worry.

Next week it's back to more sensible
British traditions, where we celebrate a

400 -year -old terrorist conspiracy by
setting fire to a scarecrow.

Nice. Sorry, I'm a bit gassy.

What exactly did you put in that pumpkin
and sprout pie?

I think there were some clues in the
name.

This house is so spooky.

Perhaps we could have stayed on our
street.

It's so middle class on our street.
People keep on giving us fruit.

Well, hang on. You know the rules. We
only do trick -or -treat and have

Halloween decorations.

But there are cobwebs and candles.

And there's a black cat.

And there's a spooky Halloween message
on the door.

I don't think there's a Halloween
decoration.

You mean there's a real life witch in
there?

Of course not.

It's Halloween.

She'll be out working.

Yeah, I know what she did to the last
lot of people that knocked.

What?

What?

Come on, we're going.

I thought you said something's coming
right.

Yeah, well this is a high -speed
stagger.

Scary treats.

Limey lollipop. Spooky eyeballs.

Morbid obesity.

Oh, take a photo with them, Lee. To
remember what they look like.

What with teeth.

Where's my phone?

You had it at that spooky house.

I told you not to cut holes in your
pocket.

I was getting into character.

Lee, you're playing a brain -dead
zombie.

You were born for this.

I probably just dropped it when we came
in now. Let me ring it from your phone.

Quiet, everyone.

I'm sure you wouldn't miss a Scooby -Doo
ringtone.

He bought it off IT for £6 .99.

Did you pay £6 .99 for a Scooby -Doo
ringtone?

And I would have got away with it too if
it wasn't for those pesky kids.

Hello?

Hello?

The line's gone dead.

Must have been the owner of that house.

Either that or Siri's had a very tough
day.

Well, good.

You know where your phone is.

Exactly.

Mystery solved.

That's a cup of tea.

Well, aren't you going to go and get it?

What, now?

Yeah.

You're not scared, are you?

No.

Well, go on, then.

I was thinking of upgrading anyway.

What, to a backbone?

Just go and get it.

You're right.

It's no big deal.

Leave a trail of breadcrumbs, Daddy, so
you can find your way back.

It's me.

I've come back.

Not from the dead. From me house.

We spoke earlier on the phone.

Well, I spoke. You sort of screeched.

Well,

you're obviously busy.

Perhaps I'll pop back tomorrow.

When the sun's up.

Excuse me.

That's my phone.

Hello?

Don't worry, I'm just going to try and
get my phone.

Nothing to worry about.

I'm armed.

I'm only joking.

I'm fully armed.

I'm not armed.

It's a replica.

Knock them.

What I mean is no one's going to get
hurt.

That's the amazing thing about us
humans.

No matter how you drop us, we always end
up landing on our arses.

What's that phone?

So this is where the Addams family hold
their weight.

Sure, keep your windows locked. We
wouldn't want burglars stealing your

priceless collection of anti -shit.

nice police woman.

I thought it was more of those silly
trick -or -treaters. Come on, Monty,

go down and say hello.

And I must get this door fixed.

Oh, Monty. Oh, I'm glad I found you.

I've been looking for you all over.

Hello, Mrs Hoskins. How are you?

I'm fine, dear.

Now, I've done what you said.

I haven't answered the door to any trick
or treat.

Well, good.

I had one family come earlier.

Mum and kids seemed okay, but the dad
looks, don't you?

There's been a lot of burglaries in this
area, and I don't want you to be next.

I'd better lock that dining room window.

otherwise he doesn't come back for days.

I'll get him. You shouldn't be running
around in your condition.

No, I'll get him.

I'm not dead yet, you know.

He's going to fool me.

There you are.

I heard a noise.

It must have been that bedpan toppling
off the wardrobe. I must have dislodged

it when I was closing my doors.

Honestly, everything's fine.

Every window and door in the house is
locked. Nobody can get in. And nobody

get out.

And nobody's got a spare key except
Monty.

Right.

Here's a key for the panic alarm.

I'll put them in my pocket. Yes, you
can't be too careful.

We've had reports of burglars dressing
up in Halloween costumes to trick

And we don't want any unnecessary stress
on that heart.

You've only just had the operation.

Yes, I know. A doctor already told me
one tiny little shock and I could drop

down dead.

OK, well...

Lock the front door when I've gone. And
no watching any Halloween horror films.

No, no monsters for me.

Oh, dear.

Oh, sorry.

Something like that, I'll tell you.

Hi,

Frank.

Grandad Frank, you're too awful, chick
or tree.

Oh, so you don't want these stuffies,
then.

Actually, Frank, we've had enough sweets
for one day.

Give over.

There's no such thing as E -numbers
since Brexit.

What are you dressed as?

Well, I'm 200 years old and I sleep in a
coffin.

And I'll give you a clue, it's not your
grandad Geoffrey.

Where's Lee? I rang his mobile before,
but there was no answer.

He went looking for his phone, but he's
been gone ages.

A bit worried.

Is it not insured?

Worried about Lee?

Oh, is he not insured?

He went to that old house on the corner
of Elm Street. Can you go and look for

him? Of course. I need to finally
anyway.

It's pie and monster mash night down at
the Queen's and I can't go on my own.

Why not?

I'm skint.

It's all scary films tonight.

Oh, now, what's this? The Shining. Oh,
now, that sounds nice.

Oh, it's set in a hotel.

Would we like the exotic marigold? Oh,
don't we want it here?

Happy Halloween.

And what better way of celebrating than
scaring an old woman to death?

And how you feel, mate?

Does she ever open any of these doors?

Yes, she does.

When you go out, she comes after you.

Come on, Monty. Out you go.

Come on.

You scratched my back.

Come on, let's make a good one.

Give it a close -up. Come on, come on.
Now, however confusing this seems, start

trying to get back in again.

Get off!

I hate spiders.

Horrible little bloodsuckers.

I think this might be too much for me
heart, Monty.

Monty?

Monty?

How on earth did you get back outside,
you silly puss?

Monty? Come to mummy, come on.

Monty, don't do it.

Who needs a phone in prison anyway?

And it's an iPhone Plus. They're not
quite as easy to smuggle in the

way.

Dad?

Lee?

What the hell's going on?

There was no answer, so I just walked
in. You just walked into a stranger's

house. Why? How did you get in?

Climbed through the window.

Which is much more acceptable etiquette.

Oh,

great.

What's going on?

I accidentally got locked in this house
and now I'm trying to get out.

Well, why don't you just explain that to
the owner?

I was going to, but I was scared.

What do you think she was going to do?

Have she to open a difficult jam jar?

Monty, there you are, making that
terrible screaming noise.

It's enough to wake the dead.

This is ridiculous.

I'm going to tell her what's happened
and tell her to let us out.

You can't. A policewoman came round
earlier and warned her about burglars in

area dressed in Halloween costumes.

Oh, great.

They're going to take one look at my
record and bang me up.

Well, I'm not going to prison,
especially at the benefit of actually

nicked anything.

Oh, don't worry, Dad.

You won't be getting done for theft.

It'll be murder.

We can't just kill her.

I mean, she's just had major heart
surgery.

The shock of seeing us might finish her
off.

There must be some way out of this
house. The whole place is locked up, and

keys are in her pocket.

Let's wait until she's fallen asleep,
then nab it out of her pocket.

That might not be for hours.

We need to find a spare key.

She said Monty had one.

Who's Monty? The cat.

The cat's got a spare key.

Does it also wear a straw border and
taunt officer Dibble? I'm just telling

what she said.

Where the hell's the cat keeping a key?

Because if it's where I'm thinking it
is, that's more like a detail holder.

There must be another key somewhere, and
I'm going to find it.

Stay here.

Don't.

Time for a quick Halloween game of
bobbing for keys.

There's a lot of gold. There's got to be
a sparky somewhere.

Want a sparky?

Eat that dumb as a brain, Dad.

Check it straight.

What's happened?

You know, you said don't kill her.

Yeah. I think I've killed her.

What do you mean, killed her?

I mean... Why are we whispering?

I've murdered the old bat.

What did you do that for?

I was just trying to get in the spirit
of Halloween.

I didn't do it on purpose.

Oh, God!

Don't answer it.

The alarm went off. If we don't answer
it, they'll send the police.

Hello? Is that Mrs Hoskins?

Aye. This is the alarm monitoring
service, Mrs Hoskins. We see you've

your panic alarm.

Is everything all right?

Oh, yes, fine, fine.

I pressed it by mistake.

Why Scottish?

Oh, yes, yes. Sorry to have troubled
you.

That's what we're here for.

If you'll just give me the password, I
can reset the system and leave you in

peace.

The what?

The password that you set up with us for
security.

The password, right.

Do you have it?

Oh, I do, I don't, do you?

Worry your head about that, do you?

We have to confirm that you're Mrs
Hoskins.

Well, I can confirm that.

Very old, grey hair, white dress.

That's me.

So if you could just give me the
password?

Why don't you tell me?

What? Well, how do I know who you are?

You'll be after my credit card details
next.

So why don't you tell me the password
and I'll see if you're right or wrong.

I'm sorry, Mrs Hoskins, but I do have to
confirm your password or send the

police round.

Oh, no, no, no.

I'll tell you the password.

Great.

Right. How many chances do I get?

Please just give me the password now.

Is it television?

No, it isn't television.

Good, good, you passed the test.

Thank you.

Mrs Hoskins, this is your last chance.

There's a terrible lion, I can hardly
hear you. If you don't give me the

password right now, I'm phoning the
police.

Is it cat?

Monty! Monty! My final answer!

That's the one.

Thank you, Mrs Hoskins. Have a peaceful
evening.

Oh, thank God. I thought I was losing my
marbles. Good night.

Well done, son. That's a relief.

Yeah. Thank God we've only got this old
woman's corpse to worry about.

You can't blame me for that.

I mean, it's sad, but you said yourself
she's very old and she had an heart

condition. Yeah.

Being woken suddenly on Halloween with a
panic alarm and finding the Prince of

Darkness looming over you probably had
nothing to do with it.

Oh, bloody hell, what have we done?

Please forgive me.

Oh, forgive him. It was mainly his
fault.

I think it's time to start whispering
again.

Looks like I won't need this.

Shame, I nicked it especially.

Well, it might come in handy if anyone's
at home.

At least I found these.

We don't need them.

I found a spare key.

And guess what? I didn't need to set off
a panic alarm or almost scour an old

lady to death to get it. Come on, let's
go.

What, and just leave her here?

You're right.

Let's take her home with us on the bus
as a souvenir of a lovely evening.

We need to make sure she's OK, Dad.

She's got a serious medical condition
and she's just had a nasty shock.

Yeah, and if we bring her home, she's
going to have another one.

Of course, help would have been here
right now if Mrs Doubtfire hadn't stood

down the alarm people.

All right, what about this?

We'll phone an ambulance anonymously and
then we'll wait outside and check that

she's safe.

OK.

I'm going to go with a Chinese accent.

It's weird.

There's no dial tone.

It was working all right a minute ago.

We'll just have to find a phone box.

What, call an ambulance from there?

No, I mean leave her in there with a
note pinned to her 90.

Yes, call an ambulance from there.

That cat's got big feet.

Its claws are pretty sharp too.

Phone cable's been cut.

Maybe the old woman didn't pay her bill.

I don't think BT send a man round with a
Stanley knife.

They're robbing her.

We bumped it down 999 anyway.

We'll just ask for two emergency
services.

The ambulance and the police.

We have to do more than that, Dad.

What? Flood the basement and call the
Coast Guard as well.

I mean, we have to go in there and
rescue her.

They might hurt her.

You're right.

Good luck.

You've got me skinned.

It's all crack.

It's nothing worth nicking.

Speak for yourself, mate.

Have you found an iPhone Plus?

Let's just get her out of this house
safely.

Just like the police deal with the rest
of it.

We're going to have to wake her up
again.

Not with that!

We're trying to get her out of here
quietly.

Don't worry, Mrs. Hoskins.

There's nothing to be frightened of.

Well, there is.

Quite a lot, actually.

Virgin, it won't bite my neck.

Oh, my dear.

What if she screams again?

Don't worry.

We'll just explain to her that she needs
to follow us. Otherwise, she might get

caught on the head.

Let me do the talking.

You won't need that.

I'm telling you, the place is empty.

Let's be safe.

And this crowbar is brand new.

I need to break it in.

Oh, hello.

It's the ghost before a hood.

Come on, Grandma.

Tell us where you keep the cash and I
might not hurt you.

Hello?

Oh, you're not dead, are you?

Who the hell are you?

The undead. I can soon change that.

I think we need to form that ambulance.

You're damn right you do.

Trick or treat, you thieving little
cunt.

Wait here quietly till the police
arrive.

That's good, isn't it?

Look, I'm really sorry about our stupid
behaviour, officer.

You could have given me a heart attack.

Don't worry.

We believe your story.

But you did technically commit a crime
against Mrs Hoskins.

She did technically whack me over the
head with a crowbar.

I didn't get to hit that one, though.

That's easily solved.

Can I also point out we did catch the
real burglars? The real burglars that

let into the house.

They were going to break in anyway? They
might not have succeeded.

Of course they would.

All they need to do is wedge the crowbar
against the striped plate and then

leave her out... It is true that we've
been eager to speak to those gentlemen

for some time now.

And so, after discussing the matter with
Mrs Hoskins, we've decided we're in no

hurry to press charges against you at
this time.

You're free to leave.

Oh, thank you.

That's good.

Maybe next year you should leave the
dressing up to the little ones.

And I don't mean your dad.

Come on, Dad.

Let's go.

What?

Am I the only one with a sense of
humour?

For more things that go bump in the
night, head over to BBC iPlayer, where

Paranormal Activity is streaming now.

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