Original subtitles

Hello.

We are Impaled Rektum,

and we are here to play...

...um, dance music.

Stop it! Now!

We almost made it to the chorus!

Into the Rektum!

Into the Rektum!

Ah, Mr. Xytrax. Heh.

Warden.

Listen, having the biggest library...

...of metal in Europe is wonderful, really wonderful.

I even write about it in our PrisonAdvisor page, but...

Are you okay?

Anyway, as I was saying,

some of our inmates have been...

...rather vocal about the music selection,

and, um, I was just wondering,

is it possible to maybe try other genres?

No.

No?

No. Okay.

Good talk!

Hey.

What do you think of this solo?

No...

I agree with Oula.

How do you do it?

Turo.

We booked the last gig of our Northeastern Finland tour.

A festival? - Barfie's Basement.

Is it...

...a big venue?

No, it's Barfie's Basement.

Only true metalheads know it.

This tour is going to be for the chosen few.

Mm-hmm.

And we might even have to turn some of them away.

Maybe our lawyer is coming.

He made it pretty clear he's not coming back.

Maybe your parents are coming, Lotvonen.

They can't afford to visit here.

I hope it's Satan.

I've been calling him.

Gentlemen.

Hello.

Hello.

Please allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Maxwell Efraim Fisto.

Nice to meet you.

Wow.

Impaled Rektum.

Your reputation precedes you.

You're the most dangerous band in the world right now.

Nice.

Yet, you don't seem like...

...the usual suspects.

Serving a prison sentence for...

...causing an armed conflict...

...between Finland and Norway,

grave robbing, kidnapping.

I was in a mental hospital.

Anger issues.

All in the past, though.

I represent and manage...

...the biggest bands in metal music.

Maybe, I don't know if you've heard of some of my clients.

Vomit Distributor, Corpse Kisser.

Bloodmotor. - Bloodmotor?

The reason why I'm here is...

...because I have a proposition for you.

A concert.

In Wacken. Germany.

Wacken is the biggest, loudest, hardest,

most amazing metal music festival in the world.

A hundred thousand people gather together...

...to celebrate the world's greatest metal music bands.

Is Dave Mustaine going to be there?

Everyone is going to be there.

Okay.

Sounds good.

Your compensation.

I know it's not much, 50,000 euros,

but a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity...

...to melt faces on an epic scale.

And after Wacken...

...I promise you...

...all your dreams are gonna come true.

So, what do you say?

No.

Why no?

Wacken is an overcommercial festival...

...for wannabe metalheads.

And we already have our own tour planned.

But it's a big opportunity.

We could think about it.

What a shame.

Maybe this is not for you, after all.

No!

I mean, yes!

We could...

Also, we are still in prison then.

Sorry to hear, Xytrax.

That's unfortunate.

Maybe we could play another gig.

Later.

Turo, this is a one-off opportunity.

Unfortunately.

Thank you for your precious time, gentlemen.

Enjoy the rest of today.

And good luck.

We just said no to Wacken.

And to 50,000 euros.

That's metal.

You're next.

LOTVONEN SLAUGHTERHOUSE

What the hell...

Pekka.

Pekka!

We are so extremely sad...

...to hear about your father.

Thankfully, he's in a stable condition.

And I'm sure we can make some kind of arrangement...

...for you to-- Sorry.

Yes, hello?

Mr. Pettersen, you asked me to let you know...

...when the guests from PrisonAdvisor have arrived.

Yes, great. Thank you, Hilde.

Make sure everyone is smiling.

Everything has to be perfect.

Okay. Great.

Uh, I'm so sorry.

I-- I need to-- to leave.

Ah, but our head of security, Mrs. Dokken,

she will take care of everything.

Um, yes, yes.

A big day.

Well, see you. See you.

About the vacation.

Can you make it two weeks?

Losing someone is difficult.

I know. I lost a lot.

I was a colonel in the armed forces.

I had rifles, grenades, missiles.

And then, all this sissy talk started.

Suddenly, I was 'prone to violence'

and 'using excessive force.'

I was a soldier, goddamn it!

Now I'm stuck guarding idiots like you in this joke prison...

...with nothing more than this stinking stick!

You will get what you deserve.

I'll promise you that.

Why do we always have salmon?

They didn't let you go home?

This is just like prison.

Dad had a seizure...

...when they found out they need 30,000 euros...

...or they'll lose the farm.

They don't have that kind of money.

I'm going to escape.

You're not serious.

I have to see Dad while he's still alive.

Do you know how much more time we'll have to do for that?

We only have a couple of months left.

We could save the slaughterhouse with the money from Wacken.

Pekka is like a dad to me.

The farm is like a home to us.

I say we go play that gig.

A mainstream festival for metal posers.

But escaping prison would be cool, though.

Let's go.

You can't be serious.

You're going to change your mind when you see my plan.

I planned this thoroughly.

Timing is really important here.

Is that an escape plan you have here?

Are you a complete idiot?

We don't have a helicopter.

The only way out of this prison is with this key card.

But the problem is...

...that an idiot like you...

...will never get his hands on it.

Come help me!

Come back here!

Spit it out!

They're gonna stop serving the salmon buffet!

It has been called the best seafood buffet...

...in all of Scandinavia.

Heh. It is the...

...riot reenactment club.

It's starting to look really authentic.

Very good, guys.

Great thrashing.

How about we check out the spa next.

Yeah? Heh.

We've been waiting an hour.

It takes a long time to do this.

Sometimes you could make a compromise.

Compromises are for amateurs.

Try bareback.

Stop! Let's get the hell out of here. Fast!

Hey.

Let me guess.

You are the visitors from PrisonAdvisor.

Yes.

I knew it.

I'm really good at reading people.

Sorry you came on the riot day.

It almost never happens.

May I see your passes?

No.

Let me guess.

You lost it in the riot.

Yes.

What can I say.

It's a gift.

Close the gate!

Close the gate!

Sorry, guys, but I will have to close the gate.

Please move to the other side.

And don't forget to rate us!

Why did you have to eat the key card?

I'll take care of this. My metabolism is fast.

Guys!

I have a librarian's keycard.

I get new records from the mainland once a week.

Stop!

Oh, dear.

This is not good. Not good at all.

When PrisonAdvisor finds out prisoners have left us...

We can be happy if they give us a six. - If they find out.

Huh?

Let's find them on our own. Nobody needs to find out.

What do you mean? - Let's catch them.

Throw them into the sea.

What are you talking about?

I was just kidding.

I meant we should bring them back for rehabilitation.

I know the perfect person for the job.

Efficient. Motivated. Trained.

Me.

Are you sure you're not taking this personally?

Oh, no. Absolutely not.

I'm worried about the boys.

They're like children to me.

I'm a very motherly person.

Yeah.

I just want this to be...

...a prison people want to come to.

NORWEGIAN COD

I'm bringing Mom fish so she doesn't always have to eat lamb.

I wonder if it was overripe.

Get the hell out!

I ain't trading with you!

I would've given it to you for free.

Kristian.

Oh, Lord.

How come you're here?

I thought you were the guys from the bank.

I came to see Dad.

Aw.

Turo.

Oula.

Hello.

Zyrtec.

Xytrax. - Right.

The men in suits demand we invest money...

...in renovating the slaughterhouse,

but we don't have that kind of money.

The vultures are already waiting,

wanting to bulldoze the yard...

...and build a darn supermarket.

But we won't give up without a fight.

The doctor suspects...

...the fear of losing the farm has caused a mental breakdown.

He's shed so much blood in this place...

...that they're tied together.

I'm going to lose my old man, home and job.

And our rehearsal space.

If we had money,

we'd help.

I know that. You're good boys.

But now we can only wait for a miracle.

We have a plan.

You were so young and excited in that picture.

Jynkky was still alive. - Yeah.

Shh.

It's ringing.

Yes. Pronto.

Yes. Ah-huh.

Hello, Mr. Fisto.

Uh, this is Turo.

Who?

Turo.

Turo Moilanen.

From Impaled Rektum.

Turo, Impaled Rektum.

How could I forget?

We changed our minds,

and, uh, we got out of prison, too.

I'm really happy for you.

Thanks for letting me know.

But, unfortunately, your Wacken slot is long gone.

Oh.

Yeah, Turo.

The show must go on.

Of course.

Um, but hey, take care...

...and send my best wishes to the band.

Wait.

I need this.

We-- We need this.

We'll do anything.

Yeah?

There is this festival...

...in Vilnius in two days.

And lucky you, I have an open slot.

Now, nothing big, just a supporting act.

You show me what you can do...

...and we take it from there.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

How do we get to Vilnius?

Ah, it will be great to see you.

Gotta dash. Bye!

Well?

We need a ride.

Is Dad's Saab still broken?

What do you think?

Could we borrow that?

What?

Darn it!

I think our ride is here.

All right, you had your fun.

Time to go back.

Come out!

Don't make me come in there!

Last chance.

I'm going to give you to the count of ten,

and then I am...

Smart move, hippies.

Coffee and buns.

Oh, well, why not.

Mission accomplished.

You know, criminal minds are weak.

Thinks too much about itself.

Easy to fool.

Yes. Yes.

So...

No!

Come back!

Guys, we're in deep shit.

I can't feel my ass.

We should cross the sea.

And we have no money.

Well,

we don't have passports, either.

Shit.

There's a dead person there.

Whose stalkers are these anyway?

Hey, get the fuck out of there.

That space is reserved...

...for our technician.

Spazz, get your shit together.

No, sir. She was alive when I left.

One day you're not gonna wake up.

Legends never die.

Uh-huh?

Darn it.

Do you know who they are?

Bloodmotor.

The most brutal band in the world.

Five albums ago.

Anyone else seeing these people?

We are also a band.

Impaled Rektum.

From Finland.

Cool.

What the hell are you doing here?

We broke out of the prison to fight...

...the injustices of the financial sector...

...over small agricultural businesses in rural regions.

Yeah, that's... that's definitely something...

...we should be worried about... that, yeah.

Where you guys heading?

Vilnius.

That's where we're going.

Have a seat, guys.

'Servants of Blood' is my favorite album,

all-time best.

Your vocals, so heavy.

You can really feel it in your guts.

Well, we don't play that anymore.

We've evolved.

It took us a long, long time...

...to find our sound.

I think it's just getting worse.

What did you say?

I said, I think your music...

...is just getting worse.

The last record was especially loose and uninspired.

The lyrics have no context.

The guitar sounds are bland, and so are the melodies.

Compared to your old records,

the new one is just superficial radio pop.

Even the artwork is awful.

Yeah.

It's a really bad record.

Well, I'll have to go cry...

...on my solid gold toilet...

...to get over this one.

C'mon, have a drink, guys.

Rob.

Hallelujah.

My golden boy.

How was your trip?

Long and boring.

Luckily we picked up...

...these dudes on the way.

I guess they're looking for you.

Impaled Rektum!

Really?

You really made it?

Yes, sir.

Hey!

Welcome to Vilnius.

Truly wonderful to see you.

I-- I feel I'm getting goosebumps.

And look at you.

Look at them, Rob.

So young and full of energy.

Unlike us, old geezers.

Right?

Yes, sir.

Well, what are we waiting for?

Let's get started.

Follow me, gentlemen.

Chris. - Eh?

What's with the sucking?

Sucking?

Rob.

Yeah. Rob's voice is so black...

...it sucks the light.

It's helium.

Fisto's idea.

The sales went up, you know,

when people figured out what he was singing.

I mean, not that the lyrics...

...make any sense, but anyway...

Uh, don't mention it, yeah?

It's a touchy issue.

Okay. - See you.

The reality is, with all my love and respect,

nobody knows you, yeah?

So, first impressions are everything.

You've got to stand out.

You want to be remembered.

So, how do you feel...

...about playing on fire?

It's always a crowd pleaser.

Sounds good.

Any allergies?

Snake venom?

Asbestos?

Cow blood?

We tend to use reindeer blood,

but we can be flexible.

Love it!

You gentlemen just keep on giving.

What's this?

Ah. Music list.

Surefire hits. Covers.

We only play our music.

Uh, we... - I know. It's fine, too.

You have to respect a man's conviction.

Really great seeing you again.

Safe travels home and good luck.

We have to play this gig!

Sir!

Mr. Fisto. - Uh...

I'm sure we can work this out somehow.

I need my band hungry and willing.

You have to take chances when they're given to you.

Obviously you're not such a band.

But sir.

Sir.

Yeah, hello?

Mr. Fisto.

Yeah? Oh, Fisto here.

Yeah, sure. Okay.

Absolutely.

I can't believe I'm feeling this shitty at a Bloodmotor gig.

I can.

Whoa!

Give me... chocolate.

Hey.

Turo's singing on the main stage! Come see him sing.

What's this?

This is the worst thing you can do to metal.

What's wrong with them?

Well, just look at them.

They look ridiculous.

You don't have to look at them, do you?

I think you like them.

I definitely don't.

This plastic pop is just used for selling merchandise.

Right.

Okay, why don't you stay here and not like them.

I'm gonna go watch Turo melt faces.

Not bad, kiddo.

Yeah, yeah, I gotta call you back.

What the fuck were you thinking?

No, I mean, you're clearly stupid, reckless,

and you have no regard for your own life.

Just kidding.

Call me impressed.

Big time!

Please.

Please.

Let us play in Wacken.

Easy, tiger, easy.

I got you and your Rektum amigos...

...an opportunity to perform here in Vilnius,

and frankly, you failed to deliver.

And now you want to take it straight to Wacken.

It's a big risk for me,

and I don't know if I can trust you.

You can trust us.

I promise.

We will deliver.

We just want to play our own music.

Please.

You think you got what it takes?

Yes.

Whatever it takes.

I won't let you down.

I'm counting on you, Turo.

Turo! Turo.

Insane!

Listen up, gentlemen.

Turo Starshine just earned

Impaled Rektum a ticket to Wacken.

No covers.

Great! Yeah.

Alright, this calls for a toast.

Drinks, please!

My love, Armando.

Everything's gonna be okay.

I'll get them for doing this to you.

Ahh, the smell of fish and pilsner.

Gotta love it.

Show business, gentlemen.

Forget about the show.

It's all about business.

So, do you know where the money...

...in the music business comes from?

Uh, the music.

You wish. Nope.

It comes from the little kids...

...in Cambodia who make the T-shirts.

So, today, we're gonna help them...

...by taking some pictures for merchandise.

Gentlemen, welcome to Fistoworld!

I don't know about this.

A lot of great artists...

...didn't start rocking until they found their thing.

Slipknot, Ghost, Lordi.

Look at Xytrax.

Fine.

Welcome.

Thank you.

Pretty, pretty good.

I like.

I've got something for you to make it perfect.

If hats could talk, this one...

...would be a very traumatized hat.

Turo.

The hat of legends.

Okay, let's shoot!

Get everyone here.

You heard the man.

C'mon! Energia!

C'mon!

These stylists know what they're doing. - Speak for yourself.

I think that looks damn good.

Who are you? - Lotvonen.

You had stylists?

Maybe this will look better in the photos.

Great.

Now I want to feel your danger,

your emotion, your sexual rage.

Yes!

Yes, more.

Perfect.

All right, give me more.

Yes.

Yes!

Yes!

Give me more.

Let's try with the hammer.

Add the skull crushing to part C.

And turn up the sternums by three percent.

All right.

Wrap the song up.

I have a suggestion.

This won't take long.

No. Wait.

I think that's enough.

What the hell was that?

I couldn't get it right.

I was thinking too much.

You weren't thinking at all.

We looked ridiculous.

It's perfect.

You heard the man!

Bravo!

Great job, gentlemen.

Now, get the hell out of here.

Helmut and I will wrap it up.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Here we go.

First time abroad.

We've been in Norway for the past five years.

Abroad for real for the first time.

This is so cool.

It's so different here from back home.

Guys, you think it's a good idea to be walking around here?

Let's get this thing over with and go back to prison.

And let's pray we don't have to sit there for the rest of our lives.

Let's enjoy now that we're not in prison.

You smell that?

Stroetzels!

You think we could ask Fisto for an advance?

We haven't eaten in days.

Let's not be difficult.

Run!

Run!

Get in!

Here's Lou Reed's old liver.

Who cares.

Let's get the hell out of here and fast. Where's the exit?

Oh, shit.

Hide!

Hey.

Have you seen four long-haired hippies?

Yes.

Our hippie hair collection is my life's work.

It's priceless.

I said, I'm looking for four men!

Please, sir.

We are not that kind of establishment.

Hoo-hoo.

Guys.

Come.

Read the sign!

You suck at everything, don't you?

Lotvonen!

Come on, that's it. Ah!

No, no, no, no, no! No, no, no!

I'm a pacifist!

You make me sick! - Don't!

Easy now. It's me, Turo.

Oula, easy.

Let's go.

What happened?

Well...

Not much.

What?

Dokken busted in,

and I almost took her down all by myself,

but then you came...

...and threw her across the room like a rag doll.

Darn brutal!

Not good.

I don't like this at all.

Let's go back.

We can't. We have to move forward.

We're in this together.

Obviously.

At least I don't have to be ashamed of those clothes.

Hey! I'll talk to Fisto.

Hey, guys!

What is it?

The guys are disappointed because the poster focuses on you.

It's like a Turo show where the rest of us...

...are mere shadows in the background.

I got it.

It's nice, but it's no band photo.

More like a solo artist's advertisement.

And the font...

Can I help you?

Uh, I need to speak with Mr. Fisto.

Oh, no, no. Now is not a good time.

He's in the studio right now, and he's working.

He knows who I am. - Please. Wait!

I can schedule you an appointment.

Hey. That's our song.

Now, add some more...

You know what I mean.

What are you doing?

Oh, Turo, heh, what are you doing?

Um... Um, Helmut, can you step outside?

I need a few minutes.

Thanks.

C'mon, Turo, step forward.

Sit down.

What can I do for you?

You don't like our music.

Oh. It's just music.

What's behind it is important.

And the story of Impaled Rektum is legendary.

We don't want to play that.

Turo.

You broke out of prison,

you made it to Vilnius,

and we made a deal,

remember?

'Whatever it takes.'

Your words.

C'mon.

You want to be on that stage more than anything.

I see that in you.

We broke out of prison to save the slaughterhouse.

And Lotvonen's father.

I respect that.

I'll tell you what.

Let's cancel our pact and Wacken.

I'll make a plea. No negativity. Yeah?

I'll still write you a check for 50,000.

You can go back where you need to.

Save Lotvonen's farm.

I'm sure it's going to be as great.

Rob could probably melt a face with that voice.

He can melt my face any day.

You wouldn't guess how many times

Slash bailed Axl out.

Or Keith bailed Mick out.

It's our job to step in when the singer screws up.

It kind of inspired me. Maybe--

Maybe today you can teach me how the dance ought to look.

Actually-- Xytrax!

You won't believe this,

but these girls are from the band you dig, BABYMETAL.

Xytrax.

Meet Su-Metal.

Moametal.

Momometal.

Meet Xytrax.

Nice corpse paint.

We're just talking about Forced Vomit.

They have the best war paints.

That's exactly what you said.

Their demos are so brutal.

The vocals sound like a goat screaming.

That's exactly what you said, too.

I said it sounds like a goat being buried alive.

Is he all right?

He's a bit eccentric,

but definitely a big fan.

Hey!

That is not a sausage, sir.

Sorry.

Nice party.

Yeah, I like it when strangers...

...go through my panties.

I wanted to ask about Fisto.

Just go with it.

He knows his shit.

It's just-- - You and me...

...we go on that stage for people to gawk at.

They don't care about who we are.

Or even what we play.

Before Fisto showed up,

nobody ever gave a fucking shit about us.

I liked your first albums.

They had fame.

What happens to the bands...

...who don't do what Fisto says?

Nothing.

They just disappear.

Go straight down the abyss.

One more thing, Turo.

If you ever touch my mic again,

you don't want to hear me get angry.

Capiche?

Turo, look!

Wow.

That turned out so much better...

...than I expected.

Darn it.

What have you done to our music?

I made it better.

You're very welcome, Xytrax.

You made shit.

That's what people want to hear nowadays.

It's gonna be huge.

I can see and feel it already.

You know, posters, billboards.

'To Die For.' The new song from Impaled Rektum.

Our song is called 'Prisoner of Flesh.'

'To Die For' is what you want it to be.

We won't play that.

It's very simple.

If you don't like it, you can leave.

Let's go.

I think the sound is okay.

We can't be selfish.

We have to save the slaughterhouse.

And Pekka.

What do you think?

Dad needs me.

We have to play the gig.

You can't leave now, Xytrax.

Could you listen to other people's opinions, for once?

I listen to them. They're just not good.

Just this once.

If the name of the song is the problem,

we can still change it.

I got it. Check it out.

'2 Die 4.'

What do you think?

Wait.

Xytrax.

We don't all want to play for a handful of people.

Do you always have to be so inflexible?

You could make compromises sometimes. Pasi.

Say something.

You're gonna make a fine solo artist, Turo.

Fine, go!

You're a mediocre bass player anyway.

A sad day for music history.

Behind me, one man's life's work of love.

A unique collection of musical history now lays in ruins.

The culprits behind this massive symphony of destruction...

...is a Finnish metal band recently escaped from prison.

We have an eye witness at the scene.

Please tell me what you saw here tonight.

I'm the monarch...

...of the kingdom of the dead.

Infamous butcher.

Angel of death.

You heard it here first.

The police is interested in any inform--

You know you've made it when people want to kill you.

Well, I guess it's back to prison for us.

Prison? Have you ever seen...

...a rock star go to prison?

Just forget about it.

I really should be thanking you, yeah.

You simply cannot buy this kind of publicity.

Not cheap anyways.

I tell you.

You're just one concert away...

...from being the biggest thing in music.

What was that, Rob?

Sounded like an elephant farting.

You should be taking notes from these gentlemen.

They do more than just complain.

They make news.

And maybe you're not just hungry enough anymore.

A lack of desire.

I tell you what.

For this trip,

the entire serving will be done by you.

Taking orders.

Any drinks?

No.

Turo? - Yeah?

C'mon. Don't be shy.

What are you gonna have?

Uh... a Coke.

No, no, no, no, no.

You're a star.

Act like one.

Um...

A Coke with ice.

And? - Uh...

Lemon.

Exactly!

Now, Rob, you go...

...and get Mr. Turo Starshine here...

...a Coke with ice and a slice of lemon.

C'mon.

Go on, Rob.

Wait.

You forgot the lemon.

Hey, Xytrax.

Hello.

You need a ride to Wacken?

I'm not going.

Don't you have a gig there?

No, I'm not in the band anymore.

Oh. We feel you.

You can still come hang out with us.

We're listening to...

Angels Necropolis?

Yes. It's the only copy...

...that survived the purge.

Have you heard it? - I thought no one has.

C'mon. - C'mon.

I can't.

Oh. Okay.

See you later.

Yes.

Satan.

Blow off some steam.

Shooting a few pucks cheers me up every time.

Okay.

What if I hit the driver?

Don't worry, sir.

Not my first rodeo.

Plexiglas.

Unbreakable.

What the hell?

Cops!

Wake up! Wake up!

Where are they?

Don't know.

There!

Shit!

Ah! Ugh!

Lotvonen!

Are you okay?

Saturday.

He's good.

Nope, we're going this way.

Get in.

Oula, let's go.

Are we stealing cars again? Is that it?

What next?

A dead body.

On our way to a festival with a dead body in the trunk, again.

He's not in a hurry to go anywhere.

What. Has. Happened. To. You?

Ha! Nothing. Someone's gotta take responsibility here.

Responsibility? Turo, you just want to play the gig.

You don't care about anyone but yourself.

I've done all the work!

You've just tagged along.

Ooh... You're welcome!

Uh-huh! Oula.

You wouldn't have gotten anywhere without me.

Oula.

Oula!

Oula!

Oula!

Oula, no!

Oula!

Oula, calm down!

Oula, listen.

Oula!

Let him go.

The drums will be playback anyway.

Are you coming?

Hello.

Uh, we are Im...

...potent.

Can't help you with that.

And, uh, we are...

...delivering, uh, this dead body.

Let's see.

Yup, got it right here.

One backstage corpse for Abbath.

Okay.

Darn it.

Mr. Mustaine.

Sorry. Not him.

I met him once, though.

Really? - After a concert.

He just played the best guitar solo I'd ever heard.

It was like a sonic attack on the senses.

I was bleeding from my holes for days.

Wow. - But it was worth it.

Heh. I met him backstage and I told him...

...he just played the best goddamn solo that's ever been played.

Know what he told me?

I wrote it down just so I'd never forget.

Made me see the man he really is.

A goddamn genius.

C'mon, let's go.

Remember...

...don't give a fuck!

Fuck...

I'm going to make it up to you.

Yes, and I know Lars doesn't want to talk to me ever again,

but please, send my love to him and enjoy that fruit basket.

Yeah?

Oh, and James, um, I gotta go.

Huge fan. Love you!

Call you back.

We lost Oula.

No. What a tragedy.

Oh, no.

But you're here, my Turo Starshine.

That's all that matters.

This is your moment.

Your golden ticket.

Personally, I'm so proud of you...

...you decided to do this concert...

...and not just take the money.

What?

Oh.

Seriously, you didn't know?

I offered Turo the 50,000...

...to save your papa's slaughterhouse, farm, whatever.

And of course he said no.

Performing here in Wacken is so much more important.

Yeah? He chose the band.

Very honorable.

I did it for us.

Uh-oh.

Darn it!

Honestly, Turo...

...he was holding you back...

...because you're going places.

And I've got guys lined up for you.

Finest top musicians...

...who actually appreciate you and your talent.

Unlike your friends.

Turo, my starshine.

I'm so excited to see you perform.

Sorry.

Lars?

I thought you didn't want to talk to me ever again.

Fisto.

Thomas. What are you doing here?

I'm taking a big risk. I hope you know what you're doing.

Of course.

Ready when you are.

Thank you. Looks beautiful.

How do you feel? - Good.

I feel good, too.

You go out there now...

...and set the crowd on fire.

Always remember, you're a star.

Turo, what's wrong?

I need to go.

I need to go save my friend.

I'll get you new friends.

Even better friends.

C'mon. Please.

Get back out there.

Thanks for the opportunity, but this is more important.

Who the fuck do you think you are, you little fuckface?

Get your shiny little leather ass...

...back onstage now.

You're gonna pay for what you've done to Armando.

Who's Armando?

Ow! Ow!

I would like to go back to prison now.

Fucking bird.

I came to save you.

We were doing fine on our own.

Guys.

I'm so sorry.

I know I screwed up.

I just wanted to do the gig so bad.

It's just so cool to be onstage.

I just wanted everyone to like me.

It wasn't worth it because you weren't there.

It was a shitty gig.

Do you have the money?

The money? - We still have time to save Dad.

Let's get the money.

Together.

Into the Rektum.

Oh, Lord.

How many cans do we have to collect?

A hundred and twenty thousand.

I have 16 already.

Can you hear that?

I see.

Turo found a better way to collect cans.

He just wants attention.

Where you going?

To make a compromise.

Good luck.

No one touches Armando!

Madam Dokken.

You and I share...

...a common interest.

For dead metalheads.

The cage is open, but they locked the door!

Nice solo.

It had a little bit of Necrofilius Christ Puncher's scales,

but mostly it was original.

I don't care what you think of it.

This was just for me. - That's the way.

You came.

We came to save the farm.

That's all.

Right.

It looked like you needed us.

Where did you get the instruments?

These are from Xytrax's new favorite band.

Well, it's not my favorite band.

They're number seven on my list, between Goreyhole and Vominatrix.

But they might move up when their new record comes out.

Let's play the most brutal gig in the world.

We are Impaled Rektum.

And we are here to play...

...symphonic-postapocalyptic- reindeer-grinding--

For Armando!

Lotvonen!

Boom.

What a tragedy.

We better stock up on the merch now.

They're going to make a killing.

What? What's with you,

sour face gargoyle?

You know I can't understand...

...you fucking murmuring.

Suck your pipe, yeah.

You tell him, Rob.

That's it, yeah?

Nice speech, Chewbacca.

Whatever.

Now, piss off.

Or you might get shot next.

Shit.

No.

Lotvonen!

Are you all right?

I'm okay.

I just have a little headache.

Does it look bad? - Yeah... No...

A bullet went through your head.

There's a nasty-looking hole.

Oh.

Darn it.

Yeah, well.

I guess it didn't hit anything important.

You might want to put a bandage on it anyway.

You saved me.

It's the guitarist's job.

It's time.

The guitarist got shot in the head...

...in the middle of the gig, and he got up,

and he played the concert anyway.

He's a legend.

That's a lousy shot.

I was aiming for the other guy.

People commit all kinds of crimes just so they can see the show.

It's great.

We are Impaled Rektum,

and we are here to play symphonic-postapocalyptic-...

...reindeer-grinding- Christ-abusing-extreme-war-...

...pagan-Fennoscandic metal!

Pekka!

Come down from your throne, King.

There are so many holes that need to be filled!

Keep your pants on.

I'll fill my missus's holes.

All is well in the kingdom.