Original subtitles

Morning, Dad.

Can I borrow your car tonight? I want to take Shaleesa out on a date.

What's wrong with the car me and your mother got you?

No, it's great. It's just, how do you say, incomplete.

You got four wheels in the engine, right?

Yeah, but it doesn't have rims and a real stereo system like yours.

You ain't got no real job like me.

Really, Dad?

Yes, really.

Look, man, a man's house is casual, and his ride is his chariot. The only way

you touching my ride is if you buy it.

That's cool.

No, no, that's facts.

Ain't that what young people say?

Yeah, like five years ago.

Look, if you want to have nice rims and a booming system, you need to get a J to

the O to the B and buy it yourself.

All right?

Now, a part -time gig will be good for you.

Teach you the value of a dollar.

Oh, everybody know that.

A hundred pennies.

I think.

Yeah. Oh, if you want a job, they're hiring that at Bluebeard Fish and Chips.

Really? Yeah.

Thanks, Mr. Brown.

No, you don't have to thank me. Just make sure you hook me up with your

discount.

Because they, uh,

pirate plank, pirate plank.

Why y 'all looking at me like that? Y 'all say it. You can't say it either.

Pirate plank platter.

So what? They hush pup is good. You dip them in that sauce like y 'all better

than somebody else.

What you doing?

So let's say I just spilled your tea.

that Nini's secret book is a married man.

If you're watching one of those reality housewife shows, turn the channel

and then I don't watch that. You know lying lips is Obama's nation, tell the

Lord.

Are you trying to say Obama nation? You should read a book sometime.

Okay, but I admit, this show, I love it.

I'm so ashamed of you.

I'm ashamed that you didn't tell me this whole jam.

Look at this.

And then the girl, she's trying to like, she's dating somebody that's an African

prince. Ain't nobody ever seen it. Don't mind that. She's acting like she has a

real woman.

This show right here, it could be addictive.

Everybody watches it. Can you imagine how much the producers are making?

Yes, that's your outfit is ridiculous.

No, yours is not too hot itself.

No, no, but we should have our own reality show. Yes, yes.

We can use this location, the Pleasant Day facility.

Okay, instead of the housewives being our stars, the residents can be our

right here.

We need a catchy name.

Okay, wait a minute.

There's got to be something good.

The real old people are...

I'm making it rain.

I'm just going to make it rain.

In fine dining.

Walk like rich people.

No matter what you do, I love you.

No matter where you go, I'm behind you for sure.

Always remember, yeah.

We'll make it if we sing together.

Effie, are you all right?

Oh, yes.

I'm looking for my glasses.

But you don't wear glasses.

Maybe that's why I can't find them.

I love this. He is so delightful.

Great sugar blend.

Oh, my God.

Cool. Y 'all sound like y 'all having a good time?

Uh -huh.

Yeah.

Anastasia, I'm surprised you even want to talk to Reg after what he said about

you.

What I said?

About her?

Yes, what you said. About her.

Anastasia, darling, you know you can't trust with Mr. Brown.

I certainly do, darling.

But what did you say about me?

Well, what he said was, to be such a famous actor, your performance was like

two -by -four.

What? It was wooden and stiff is what he said.

Oh, I did not. You were lying. You did. I did not. You lied.

Well, not exactly.

But what did you say?

Well, I said that your

performance in your film, The Hangry Games, perhaps wasn't your best work.

The nerve of him. What?

You Anastasia Devereux of stage and film.

Yes, you are. You should be applauded.

You should tell him. Put some respect on my name.

Tell him who you think you is.

Who do you think you are, Reginald? No, that's too proper. You got to get sister

-like. Who do you think you are? Roll your neck and pull some air.

Pull the air.

Let me tell you, who do you think you is?

Who do you think you...

Well, who you think you is?

Who you think you is? Yes.

I meant no harm.

Really, Reggie?

What you do, take them and put them in a drawer somewhere?

Would you just hide them out or something?

You don't hear them?

To what are you referring?

Your balls.

I'm just trying to get you to get out of the state.

You gonna just let her just sit there and talk to you like that at your own

dinner table?

You need to have her to put some respect on your name.

Who are you referring?

Did I lock her in a dresser beside the sink? No!

Anastasia! Put your hand down! Darling!

I... I stand by my statement that your performance in that film was

dreadful.

Horrendous.

Why, it was the worst thing I'd seen since I walked in on my mother adding

to her grit.

How dare you?

How dare you? How dare you?

And cut.

What?

What do you mean cut?

I mean, I was about to go get a beard cut. I was going to... Yeah, that's what

I'm going to go to the bar shop and get my beard cut and everything.

Yes, go ahead.

We're about to be rich.

Anastasia, my dear, I...

I don't know what came over me. And me as well. I feel like we were caught up

some reality TV show.

And Brown did say cut.

What was that sound?

That's the sound of a hidden camera running low on power.

And how do you know that?

I've had many cases like that appear in my courtroom.

a fight between us and recorded it.

But why?

I don't know, but I am going to find out.

Phyllis' interview must have gone really well for that fast food restaurant for

them to hire him on the spot.

You think so, huh?

I mean, I'm sure they had tons of applicants and then they hired our boy.

Yeah, just like that. Boom.

I mean, that's really fan -fucking Jeremy.

Yeah, it's saying something, all right. I just don't think it's saying what you

think it's saying.

Um, what you saying?

You ever ate that blueberry fish and chips before?

Mm -mm.

If you had, then you'd know why they don't give me any applicants.

Is that a parrot?

Okay, look.

Phillip just landed his first part -time job, man. Don't make fun of a unicorn.

Thank you, Dad.

You're welcome, son.

Oh, boy.

Baby, say no parrot.

Oh. It's a toucan.

Toucan.

Got a cracker.

I'll be just playing. I'll be playing, man.

So I just got one question for you.

Are you happy you got a new job?

Very original.

Very original.

Okay, okay, okay. That's enough with the jokes.

Seriously now, okay?

All right, now you know I'm a nurse.

So I have to ask, make sure they trained you on what to do in case a customer

chokes. Yeah, yeah, they did.

Okay, great. I'm glad you learned CPR.

All right.

You pride that one? You pride that one?

All right, no more jokes.

No more pirate jokes, all right?

Stop. Are you sure? Stop.

Okay. All right, so do you like your new ball?

Yeah, yeah, she's great.

I mean, she's patient and understanding. I could learn a lot from her. Okay.

That's wonderful.

Okay, wait, no, let's get to it now.

How's the pay?

Oh, the pay's pretty good. I mean, for an entry -level position, it's $2 over

minimum wage plus benefits.

Yeah, that's pretty good, man. You better get your new rims and pirate

Sorry, I'm sorry. I can't help back. It sounds like this job is a perfect fit

for you.

What's your next shift?

My next shift, it's... Oh, yeah, never.

Never, yeah. What?

Why? Yeah, because I quit.

Look, I can't take the parrot off, man.

Okay, wait. Come on.

What? Wait.

Are you okay?

I just got off the phone with Vinny. He's still over there

in Europe with that little old young girl. Yeah. She's that name of Sunshine.

He's never coming back.

I seen him over the first episode. Okay.

Vinny say we might be rich.

He like it. He say he wish he was here.

You know, if we keep on, we're going to fool around and get us one of them Otis

awards.

What is an Otis?

You don't know with no Otis. You know, at the academic awards, when they give

you, you ain't been in America. What do you mean? I'm telling the award where

they give you an Oscar.

Listen, now, look at me. We can't get distracted with all these things.

Okay. So we have to stick together and keep this hidden camera secret on the

down low.

Okay. And this way, the sky's our limit. Okay, so stick together and keep it on

the low. Yeah.

Stick together. Yeah.

Is this your hidden camera?

Why did you two

instigate a fight between me and Reginald on camera?

You're talking about... On the cameras?

Okay, we're making a reaction show.

I see.

And what's this little show called?

Lifestyles of the Retired and Famous? Real Old People of Atlanta.

And you real, and you old, and you live in Atlanta.

Mark my world.

No one makes a fool of Anastasia Devereaux and gets away with it. Well,

Brown. It was his idea. I don't care whose idea it was. It's a horrible show,

and nobody's going to watch it. Oh, well.

But now, please, show her the receipt. Okay.

When we posted the first episode of Y 'all Fustin' in Oregon, the comments was

off the charts. They said a must -watch. Five stars. Look right here. More drama

than the two baby mamas. Look at that.

Damn. What did you expect? It starred yours truly. And the episode did so

We have a potential corporate sponsor.

They say if this episode is good as the last one, they're going to jump on board

and they're going to make us gadrillionaires.

Oh, really? Yeah.

And what luxury brand wants to be associated with an actress of my

Is it La Manifique Luxury Lipsticks? Or Pat will make you shout?

No, no. It is El Chippo Dencho Cream.

That's what you say.

Our dick.

We'll make you stick.

I see.

And they're paying real money, correct?

Yeah. Real big money. We're going to be rich, rich.

We're going to be billionaires, millionaires even. And as in we, you

we. What?

Darling, I am an actress. I don't work for free.

You wasn't even acting. You wasn't doing what me and Effie was recording. Y 'all

just y 'all natural habitats.

Your natural habitat is about to be a six -by -nine prison cell if you record

again without my consent.

Okay. We'll pay you.

No checks. Cash only.

You're such a diva.

What you want in your room? A whole bunch of colorful candies with all them

picked out except the green ones?

Don't be silly, darling.

Everyone knows real divas only eat the red ones.

You're okay. You're okay. We'll give you whatever you want. We just have to make

this episode really good so we can get that corporate sponsorship money.

You're dealing with the professional now, darling.

Just roll the cameras and I'll take care of the rest.

So dramatic.

I don't know.

But you think so? It's just too much drama.

We're going to be rich, though.

We're going to be rich. I'm going to buy me a studio.

Damn.

What happened to Polly?

He tweeted for the last time.

Ahoy, matey.

I mean, what's going on, son? Can we talk?

Yeah, we're just confused, baby.

Like your first day on the job sounded great.

Yeah, you had nice balls, good pay, free meals.

So why'd you quit?

Because I was tired of being made fun of.

Baby, look, your father and I were just being silly.

We didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Oh, no, I didn't pay you two no attention.

No, no, not like that.

I mean, like, you know, your opinions don't really matter because you're like,

you know.

Excuse me? No, no, not like that. Like, you guys are parents, so you don't

really know what's cool anymore. Your opinion is sus.

Boy, I know what cool is. I know all the songs on the radio.

Yeah, that nobody listens to the radio anymore.

Well, at least I can listen to my beats booming out of my system and my G -Ride.

Nobody calls them G -Rides anymore either.

Philip, baby, why did you quit your job?

I was working the drive -thru today, and a carload of kids pulled up to get the

pirate platters, and Felicia was with them.

Oh, yes.

And she saw you in his outfit, huh?

What'd they say?

You know, like, you keep working this job, you're going to go far.

Or, you know, like, if I mess up their order, they're going to make me walk the

plank.

Really,

guys? This is your attempt of making me feel better?

Great, great parents. You guys really read the manual for this one, right?

hey.

That's just immature. Who would say something like that? Yeah, who would say

something like that? Yeah, I'm never going back there ever again.

All right, son.

I'm being serious now.

There's nothing to be embarrassed about about having an honest job.

You hear me?

Yeah, Dad.

You know, those kids that were making jokes at the drive -thru and the cat

-cat -cat, all that stuff?

You were the only one there making money. Mm -hmm. And you keep working

baby. Those same haters are going to come to work one day, and you're going

be their new boss. I understand.

Mm -hmm.

So what you going to do?

I'm going to go down there and get my job back.

All right, now. Yeah, and I'm going to go with you.

Thanks, Dad, but I don't need you to talk to the boss for me.

Boy, I ain't talking to no boss.

I'm going out there to get that employee discount.

You know what I'm saying? Them hush -bubbies be the business.

No need to yell.

My hearing works just fine. Thank you. I'm just so nervous because El Cheapo

Dentures is going to be watching live on the street.

And if this is a good episode, we'll get that corporate sponsorship money. Then

we'll be paid in the shade drinking lemonade.

I'm going to tell you what I tell all my husbands on our wedding night.

Just sit back and relax.

And watch Anastasia Devereaux make magic.

Okay, this is the scene for you.

Okay, you are angry woman because you've asked your man to take you to a five

-star restaurant. But instead, he took you to some cheap hamburger place.

No one ever takes Anastasia Devereaux to a cheap burger place. You're appalled.

And actually,

boys.

Reginald and I have come up with our own scene that highlights my top -notch

acting pedigree.

Hit the camera.

What is she doing? Look.

Hit the camera.

Look at what she's doing now.

This is all people from Atlanta, episode two, take five, divided by three.

And action!

Where four artists might be loved.

What light from yonder window breaks?

What? I think, what is this?

Shakespeare in the dark part?

It's too late to hear a cut because we're going live streaming.

And where is thou, thine father?

Thy father?

He must be in the grave. He's 200 years old.

My father just might know that I slip it out to meet you here in secret.

Dotty knew it.

About other more precious secrets. This is what they pay for the bunny for. This

is what I direct for. This is what I do.

Nobody knows about our secret that I am pregnant without child.

Oh, she about to make me curse.

How can she be pregnant?

Doesn't she know this is a reality TV show?

If my father knoweth that you place your blessed seed in my own belly.

He would surely tear us apart.

There is but one way for us to be together.

Treat it with poison.

Oh, this is terrible.

We shall be joined as one in the afterlife forever.

The baby!

What is this?

These old people.

Hello?

Oh, no, no, no.

We didn't know they were going to do that.

No, they're old people. They don't know. See now?

No, please, wait.

No, no, no, look, look.

They're out.

If you enjoy fingernails going down the chalkboard, then this is the show for

you. Oh, the real old people of Atlanta is officially canceled.

You come here cheating like you already made enough money for your rims and

beats. Well, not yet, but I did earn enough to take Shalicia to a fancy

restaurant. Ah, that's great, son. And my boss said that she loves how I come

work early and work hard, so she promoted me to shift manager.

Ah, that's what I'm talking about.

Yeah, boy.

Yeah, you and Mom were right.

Our work pays off.

Mm -hmm.

Son.

Yeah, that?

Why don't you take my chariot?

Wait, really?

You're going to let me use your car for my day tonight?

Yep, like you said, hard work pays off, and your mother and I are very proud of

you. Thanks, Dad.

Yep. Hey, are we messing up my G -Rod?

You are so old.

I love that boy.

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