Original subtitles

Okay, where is everybody?

We've got to get this stuff out before the truck gets here. Mr. Brown, it was a

great idea for you to get rid of all of this stuff and give it away to the

greedy thieves that need it. Well, most of the time I do have great ideas.

Come on, bring it. This is all of my clutter.

Well, what is it? Bring it on. Some large artifacts I'm no longer proud of.

Well, give it here. What label do you mean to put on this?

For ladies only.

Batteries not included.

You gonna give somebody your nasty sex toys?

That's just nasty.

What's going on here?

Out with the old, in with the new.

That's what my ex -wife said before she left me.

Hey, hey, everybody.

Hey, Carl, stay away from that box. There's some sexy toys in there. There's

some sexy toys in there? Yes. Really?

Oh, my.

What you on mine for, Cora?

You ain't, you ain't, you say you should be on mine. You should go down like on

mine. Like, no.

What on mine?

Cora, get your eyes out of there. Get your, stop being nasty. Okay, well, all

right, well, I need you guys to watch over these things for me. I'm doing some

renovations in my apartment, and I don't want them to get damaged. Cora, they

already look damaged. Look like you stole that from a swap meet.

Why, have you to know, this is a handcrafted replica of Noah's Ark, Mr.

Of course, with that hole in it, it looked like a replica of the Titanic.

And this Bible's been in my family for decades.

Mr. Reggie, can you watch over it for me, please? Absolutely. Uh -uh. Don't

touch that Bible. You'll turn into dust. If he touch it, heathens turn into dust

when they touch Bibles.

Ain't you gonna have Reggie to watch your Bible when I'm standing here?

Mr. Brand, that's because he's responsible.

Well, I'm responsible there.

No, you're not.

everything i ain't lost nothing since this morning that's what i mean right

there i want you to put it in a safe place if you touch that bible it's gonna

just gonna flee and it won't be back for generations i had you know that i won

bible bonanza first grade i have faith in you mr

reginald so put in a safe place i'll be back my car is running y 'all gotta go

mr bernie y 'all get this stuff up i'm getting a car the truck will be here in

minute And written notes have been here since the pyramids were built.

You know, he that cannot discern the scripture is probably a heathen.

That's you.

Brown, I can run circles around you with the Bible. With the Bible? Do you know

who I am? Mm -hmm. Okay, Bible trivia. Me and you. All right. One -on -one. All

right. Who was it that crossed over Jordan?

That's easy.

Moses. Wrong.

Allen Iverson, March 1997.

George Jordan almost broke his ankle. I thought we were talking Bible tribute.

We're just talking tribute. Okay, I got another one for you. All right. Who was

it after the ark was built and ready to go and sail, who was it that made it

rain? God himself.

No. That was Solomon. He had all them cocky bars. He had a whole bunch of

threw it up. They were just so solemn. You were afraid I'd know more.

I ain't nobody scared of nothing.

Well, let me put you to the test.

Go ahead. Do your thing.

Who? does God say is his wisest prophet?

Everybody know it's Prophet Bram.

I'm the one that prophesied that Polly and Esther would be together forever.

That's me. God bless you. Good night. Oh, I'm going to prophesy. I'm about to

make me a peanut butter and jelly with extra peanut butter. Yep. And some milk.

Oh, that reminds me. Okay.

There sure is a lot of junk.

What? Junk is what junkie does.

Well, this is it for me.

Mm -hmm.

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. This isn't junk. This is my treasure.

Why would you give away my golden gavel? The Bar Association gave this to me for

promoting diversity among the chambers.

Well, uh, it looked like a big old piece of junk. Oh, man.

Okay, please do me a favor. The next time you see anything of mine, set it

aside.

I'm on my way to the annual Black Judges Convention.

Y 'all be judging each other down there? I bet y 'all down at the convention

just be judging like, hey, is that your real hair or is that a two -flay?

Why you gotta look at me like that?

Such a nasty attitude.

What y 'all need to do is try to pass a law that people uptight like you that

can get a sense of humor.

Y 'all stay out of my room, Brown.

Tidy White has got y 'all like that. They gots it bunched up in there.

Good, Karen, the donation wagon is just about to leave. Oh, I love donating.

But with a twist.

Well, it's better to give than not to receive.

Well, my ex -husband gave me hell, and I received a huge settlement.

So I'd have to disagree.

Effie, where your clutter at?

I know you keep clutter.

I don't have clutter, Mr. Brown.

My mother used to say, the altar will not land at your feet unless you've left

something there to die.

What? Are you speaking tongues? What is the word? Look, she taught me as a young

boy that you do not kill down to things you don't need.

Well, why are you still holding on to this accent?

You in America now. America.

Lose accent.

I like his accent. I think it's sexy.

Thank you, my dear.

That's enough. That's enough, cougar.

Cougar straight out of Africa.

Mr. Brown, where do you want us to take these boxes? We can take them in my car.

Oh, okay.

I can drop it all off on my way to the antique shop. Oh, okay.

Remember, you're in America.

Speak American.

Why are you shouting?

I'm African, not deaf.

You got something in your tooth?

Oh.

Whew. Took you long enough.

You was finding a bright blue box.

Man, it was so much clutter in that garage, I felt like I was in prison. It

me hours to get back to civilization trying to go through all this mess. We

now. You can thank your granddaddy for that.

Yeah, I think he low -key a hoarder. Yeah, I think so, too.

Ah, yes.

I don't understand why you don't just text the pictures to your parents.

Uh, because they old school. You know that. If it was up to them, they'd have

delivered by a pigeon show.

Well, pigeons, they moved on past deliveries. Now all they do is drop

people's heads.

Yeah, well, they've picked up scrapbooking, so I'm going to send them

for their quote -unquote scrapbook masterpiece.

All right, well, I'm about to take a shower.

Uh, if you want to get, uh...

Wet.

Don't you want to come on in?

Oh, I got to find these photos, baby, but I'll take a rain check.

Oh, I see you did that rain check to make it rain. All right, okay.

Well, guess what?

The pump may not be prime when you want to get in. I actually work about two and

a half times a week.

Boy.

To my hottie with a body.

You are the star to my sky.

The candy to my eye.

Might have to hop in that shower.

Sweet to my pot is different to my fly.

Okay, my baby is a poet.

If we ever marry, my tail will fairy.

With a little bit of time, you'll be the beat to my rhyme.

Everything I dream, my chocolate loves to rain.

Love day lover.

Did you find anything you was looking for?

More than I wanted.

Well, you got a lot of stuff there.

Yeah. A lot of good stuff. Some bad stuff.

So... You know, I'm coming to the bathroom with me. I just took a half a

just in case.

Still ain't. I could do my feet.

No, I'm good.

All right.

Hold it up on play, my friend. I'm going to play.

This is my turn. I play when I want to play.

Wait a minute.

This is a jack of spades, Mr. Brown. Aren't you a genius? Of course it is.

I'm a genius because you played that same card five minutes ago. And you're a

conspiracy theorist. You're going to play Carl the Yap all day. I recall you

playing that same jack of spades a little while ago myself, Mr. Brown.

Don't hate the player. Hate the game.

No.

Put your hand on the good book and reclaim your innocence.

Ah, yeah, that's right. We got Carl's Bible right over here.

Right over here.

I ain't got to put my hands on nothing because the Lord already know. I'm

winning. Which one of you moved Cora's Bible from off the piano?

Not me. I don't play with nobody's Bible. That's sacred.

I haven't seen a Bible since my second husband gave mine to his parole officer.

They removed his ankle bracelet and then he left me.

You all need to stop playing now. Ain't nobody playing. I'm serious.

I'm sure Cora can buy a new one.

A new what?

Buy. Sickle.

New bicycle.

Bicycle? What?

Bicycle so we can ride around the neighborhood because we want a joyride.

Bicycle ride over.

Bicycle's not comfortable for my back end. But you know what? I got some

exciting news, everybody.

They have asked little old me to bring the word on Founders Day. Isn't it

wonderful? Oh, that's beautiful, Cora. And if you want me to add some spice to

your sermon, just let me know.

It would be such a great honor to use the Bible that my great -great

-grandmother passed down to me. And the handwritten notes on the inside just

brings me to tears every time I read them.

Yes, and our family history is so rich, and I'm going to use some of their

favorite scriptures on my sermon.

But you're not going to do that for a while, huh? Oh, I have like about two

weeks, but, you know, I want to get started. So where did you put my most

family heirloom, Mr. Reginald?

The part where we run from cover, from the fire and brimstone.

I hope one of those scriptures is going to be, I once was lost, but now I'm

found.

I

promise

you, Cora, I didn't touch it.

Didn't touch what? My Bible.

Oh, no, Cora, he didn't touch it. He lost it.

It's lost.

Mr. Brown.

What? Mr. Brown, did you move?

Cora's Bible because I left it right there on the piano. No, I didn't move

It's got to be somewhere.

You let those split up and look around.

Lord, that Bible has been in our family for decades.

It is the second printed edition after Jesus died. Cora, they had no printers

back then.

I just taught you a lie. They had no printers. I did not lie, Mr. Brown.

I'm going to find your Bible if it's the last thing I do.

Well, the last thing you need to do is repent so the Lord will let you into the

gates.

Well, I might be on the inside looking out at you. I doubt it.

Oh, it's not in the cushions. It's not in the cushions either.

That is what I just said.

It's not in the bookshelf.

Cora, I am so sorry.

Cora, you know, if I had one, you could use it. Yes. Okay, okay. I thought I

wasn't going to have to do this.

But I'm going to call and ask the Lord. We connect.

Okay? Bow your head. Bow down.

Lord, do you know where Cora's Bible is?

Huh?

Hold on.

Huh?

Huh?

What?

Okay. He said he don't know.

Well, he didn't know.

What a day. What a day.

I got back $500 from my things and riches to rags. My stuff.

like hotcakes.

Okay, good. Karen, you're just the person I need to see.

Did your phone hit your head, Mr. Brown?

No, I didn't.

When you took that stuff down there, you didn't happen to see a Bible in there,

did you?

Oh, yeah.

After doing a quick Hail Mary, I took it into the antique shop with my stuff

instead. They'll call me if they sell it.

Sell it?

No, they can't sell it.

Oh, trust me, it'll sell fast.

Those ladies couldn't keep their hands off of it.

my history.

Well, as I checked, you can purchase a Bible on any corner in the South.

In fact, I just saw a street vendor selling some that light up just around

corner. Uh, uh, uh, Carrie, you probably should sit down.

I don't need to sit down. Yes, you do. Cora about to knock you down.

Knock her down? You?

Well, come on.

No, no, no. This is all my fault. I'm going down to that antique shop. And you

better make sure they don't mistake you for one of them antiques and try to sell

you.

You, you, you, Corby, you don't want to hit her. No, Corby, you don't want to

hit her.

No, don't, don't do it, Corby. Listen to your daddy.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Hmm.

Are you all right?

Not really.

Can't talk about it.

Okay.

I think Jeremy is in love with another woman.

We got two kids. I can't afford to go to jail for beating down some thot.

No way.

Surely it's some kind of mix -up.

Or not.

I can't believe it.

Jay Lovell was his nickname when we met.

Oh, a handwritten letter means you really love somebody.

My fifth husband wrote love letters all the time, and I always thought they were

to me. Until one day I stopped by his office at Surprise, and that's when I

the original Sugar Cheeks.

Not healthy.

It's dated 11 -21.

Oh, how disappointing.

But, you know, if he is seeing someone, he most likely will not tell you.

Okay. So you're going to have to ask him some questions that don't sound too

obvious. Mm -hmm, mm -hmm. Like, what do you like to do in your spare time?

A, take a nap. B, curl up and read a book. C, slap it up, flip it,

and rub it down with another woman.

It's not obvious at all. I think I'll go with being blunt.

The truth might set me free or put him to rest. Or put you in debt.

I told my ex -husband the truth once, and he burned all my wigs.

Sold all the expensive jewelry he had bought me. And then bought a brand new

and rolled off into the sun.

You're cashing on that rain check again, huh?

No.

Okay, well, did you drop those letters off in the mail to your parents?

Yes.

All right, so they should get there before the second coming of Jesus.

Jamie, let me ask you a question.

What do you do in your spare time?

I work.

Mm -hmm. What kind of work?

The kind of work where you get paid or the kind of work that you pay for?

It depends on what kind of work I'm doing and who I'm doing it with. Uh

What, you a private investigator?

Hmm.

Are you guilty of something to be investigated for?

Ah, yeah, you know I like to role -play.

Yeah,

well, guess what?

I've been a very bad boy.

Oh, you admit it?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I know. Whatever it is you're talking about, I did it. Now, you can

me however you see fit.

Hey! Hey!

This don't look like no role play. Hey!

I was a real bean. What's wrong with you?

What was that?

A CWA.

A CWA?

Yeah, a can of whoop -ass.

Thank you.

What is wrong with you?

Who's a dank?

Oh, my God.

Oh, you think this is funny?

Hey, no, no, no. Look, look.

Is this what got you on lockdown?

This is not a joking matter, Jeremy Washington.

It wouldn't be a joke if my uncle didn't write this letter in 1991

when I was in elementary school. I had a crush on somebody in middle school.

Two in a one?

No, that's a nine and a one that faded over the years.

Sorry.

Oh, my mind went another direction, baby.

Your mind always went another direction.

And then we make another what?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, just don't punish me too much. Oh, no, no, no.

I knew he was going to lose it. I don't know how I'm going to break this news to

the family that we've lost such a major piece. Well, I called down there, and

it's definitely sold.

Oh, my goodness.

My great -great -great -grandmother read that Bible to her daughter, and her

daughter to hers.

Well, my dear didn't read it to me. She would send me over to Mr. Brown so he

could read the Bible to me. But it was a photo of generations of God -fearing

women that used that Bible to get them through the storms of life.

There are many traditions and artifacts passed down that tell a story of

history, like the African quilt, or spiritual recipes.

It's just one way how we stay connected to those who've gone before us.

Oh, for goodness sake. I already apologized.

Damn. You know, I'm going to walk away. Come on.

Oh, hey.

I see you made it back.

What? You were too old for them to sell?

They couldn't offer a 30 -day money -back guarantee on you?

That's too embarrassing.

Not now, Brown.

Turns out that the ladies at the antique shop didn't know how to get the Bible

back. I don't believe this. But I did.

Thank you so much, Mr. Reginald. Oh, look, everything is still intact.

Oh, I knew you would come through for me. Thank you. Oh, it's a miracle.

Thank goodness, Reginald. I thought we were going to have to start singing an

old dinger of spiritual.

It's a miracle.

How did you do it, brother?

Did you offer to trade yourself in for it?

It just so happened that the lady left her business card.

I called her, met her.

And? Well, let's just say that she traded it in for something she thought

worth it.

You mean to tell me you bribed that old lady with some of your fossil fuel?

That's just nasty. I'm going to get you a Bible. You better not have done what I

think you did. Oh, yes, he did.

It's called a favor for a favor.

Oh.

Let me see. Let me see.

On you.

Boom. There we go.

They seem to have that jack of spades, Mr. Brown. Not that again.

A fine black man that all the women long to be with. Oh, that's just something

black or white.

What?

Hey, second jack of spades.

Uh -huh, uh -huh.

It ain't my fault that the Dollar Depot had a set of twins in the deck of cards.

You call me competitive.

You a liar. You a liar. You a liar. You a liar.

You a liar. You a liar. You a liar.

You a liar.

You a liar. You a liar. You a liar.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Ain't nobody shouting at you.

You think he's smelling like under armor.

Learn English.

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