Original subtitles

Yo, this is the fifth delivery today.

You know what that means, right?

That the postal service is running fluently.

It means that my wife has a disorder.

She has chronic shoppingitis.

I don't.

I only buy things that are absolutely necessary.

Oh, yeah? So what's in the boxes?

Makeup. Yeah, you already got makeup. You got it on right now.

New makeup.

You know they always coming up with something better, baby. Well, you know

what's better?

If you just stop shopping on the internet all the time.

No. Well, you know what's better?

If you would get off your phone at night and help your wife with the halibut

joint. See, now you want to be petty, all right? See, I work hard all day.

I get home from work, I want to just unwind.

So are you saying I don't work all day, too? You just a nurse. You in here

checking blood pressure in the AC. You ain't doing nothing.

So I know you didn't just say that I don't work just as hard as you do. Are

serious? You don't?

Okay. You know what? I don't even want to talk about this no more. Just leave

alone.

Leave you?

Okay. Okay. All right. I will.

Fine. Fine.

Fine. Fine. Fine.

Fine. Fine there. Mm -hmm. I'm gonna get fine with my new makeup. Yeah, you do

that. For who? Everybody wants it.

Isn't it interesting that the word fine means something different when a woman

says it? Not to me.

It's annoying as hell. That's what it is.

Oh.

Gretchen -o looking flyer than Ron O 'Neill himself.

Where are you taking me? Six -star restaurant?

Oh, I'm sorry, my dear. I'm headed across the street to the assisted living

facility. They're having a senior mixer.

You do know that mingling with all those desperate, horny widows over there is

not a good use of your talk.

Oh, is that a serious question?

Fine, just go.

It wasn't my idea anyway, and I have to wait for Mr. Brown.

Really? You two aren't exactly bosom buddies.

Well, there's an old adage from my youth that says, you want to make yourself

look better?

Roll with an ugly wingman.

Reggie, Mr. Powell, it's not ugly. Well, you see that chrome dome?

It's smoother than a baby's bottom. That is not sexy.

Somebody say sexy.

I'm here.

Sexy me.

What are you doing on the top of your head?

What? Nothing.

You still have nothing, and that definitely is something.

Oh, you're talking about my hair.

Yeah, I just decided to start growing it. This old thing, I just let it grow.

So you mean you paid a graffiti artist to spray paint your cranium? No, I have

you to notice that this, I used to shave it by choice. Now I just said, just let

it grow.

Listen, there is no shame in getting a cosmetic procedure to give your self

-esteem a boost. Women do it all the time. I said that same thing. Stop

that because these ladies nowadays, they be getting them booty cheek things.

If ladies can do it, men ought to be able to do it too. So now that you've

admitted it.

How much did you pay to have that man weed?

This is not no man weed.

And you just jealous because your hairline way back on the back of your

Oh,

upon further inspection, I, you know, I was wrong.

It actually looks fantastic.

Really? You solemnly swear to tell the whole truth. I swear, I swear. You like

it? You think it look good? Yeah, well, obviously, it could hardly not be.

fake because it looks so real.

You know, all the times that I said behind your back that you ain't nothing

a stuck -up nerd, I take that down.

I'm going to go get red and make sure I'm going to brush it down.

Where's my brush?

Why are you lying to poor Mr. Brown?

I heard from Oprah that you need to find your passion, and perhaps I found one.

I think watching Mr. Brown make a fool of himself, it gives me joy.

Come on, Herr Jordan!

We're gonna, uh, got the numbers together.

We're gonna get zero numbers.

No matter what you do, I love you. No matter where you go, I'm behind you for

sure. Always remember that I never want.

We'll make it if we stay together.

Come on.

How come every time you move your night, you gotta make a horsey sound?

Good night, F .A.

Good night, my sister.

Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm to you, too.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Wives still not talking to your aunt?

Nah, she ain't said nothing to me all day, but mmm.

No, we have a thing in my country.

A married couple is like the buttocks.

Though they are in constant friction, they have to find a way to live

I have another home.

Silence. is the best answer to the unwise.

Ah, now that's a good one right there.

Hold up.

Hey, Lee is giving me the silent treatment.

You trying to say I'm stupid?

Ah, ah, Jeremy, my friend. I would never call you stupid.

All right, because I was about to say. I would merely imply it and have you

figure it out for yourself.

Hold up, hold up. So I'm stupid because I'm tired of my wife buying stuff on the

Internet all the time? You're not stupid for feeling that way.

But you are stupid for expressing those feelings to her.

Yeah, but Leah's all about communication.

She always want me to, you know, share my feelings and all that stuff. That is

what she says with her mouth.

But it's not what women really want. Then why say it? They think they want to

know. If women really know what men are thinking, there'll be many less

marriages and many men taking trips to the emergency room.

You're not even married. Why would I take advice from you?

In my country, a man can marry as many wives as he can afford.

My father is a very wealthy man.

Boasted over 87 wives.

Man, I can only imagine. I mean, Boxer was stacked up at his door.

A pound so high, the rival about Kilimanjaro.

Thanks for the advice, F .A., but I just don't know if I could just walk around

all the time and not get things off my chest when I'm feeling the way.

Jeremy, you can say all the things that annoy you about your wife.

You can cause, you can complain, you can even call her out her name, all without

consequences.

How am I going to do that?

You save them in here.

In your mind.

Hey, let's give it a try.

Look at F .A.

Sitting there smiling and don't know I'm the one that ate all his leftovers.

Look at Jeremy smiling.

Yet he is unaware I dropped my leftovers on the floor.

I like that. Oh, yeah.

And now you must get back into good graces of your wife.

Yeah, you know what? I'm actually feeling kind of bad because I said some

that weren't cool. And, you know, I talked about her working. And she

does have a job. She's very important.

Yes. I need to start helping out around here, you know, doing my share of the

chores and all that stuff. I think we will apologize. Oh, no, no.

Go to her.

Don't say what.

Because if you say war, they will invite words from her, and the next thing you

know, you two are fighting again.

No.

You go to her, and you keep her the look.

What look?

This look.

The look.

The look.

Stop looking at me like that.

Then you take her in your arms to show her that you're strong, but then you lay

her gently on the bed, and then here comes the good one.

Take your hand. Hey, all right, man.

Okay, I think I got some here. I can do all that stuff.

Hand. Good advice, man. You a wise man. Thank you, F .A. Appreciate you. Okay.

Don't forget.

Hand. Law.

F .A., you are an idiot.

What happened?

What happened? Did you not do the law of law?

The hand.

The hand.

Jerry, Jerry, my friend, my friend, watch this.

I'm trying to sleep, man.

You cannot sleep until you see this glorious play.

Ah, okay.

All right, I saw it, all right?

Hey, man.

Let me ask you a question.

Why do you have to watch soccer right now?

It is early back in my concert where they're playing this game.

Now let me ask you a question.

My rent that I pay on time every month allows me unrestricted access to this

does it not?

It does.

So if I take off $100 from your rent, you turn the TV off, please.

There was only 10 seconds left in the game anyway.

Pleasure doing business with you.

I'm in Reginald?

I'm trying to sleep.

Well, it's hardly my fault that you managed to find yourself in the doghouse

again with Leah.

Well, where's Brown?

Oh, let me guess.

They laughed at his hair and left early, didn't they?

That's where you could be wrong.

They loved my hair.

I was a hit.

Hit.

Comrade hit. You got to be kidding me.

Oh, no, I'm not. I'm not.

They was like, oh, look at you.

I said, Leroy, Leroy. I said, that's Leroy H. Brown.

The H is for her over her.

They said, oh, your hair looks so good. Your hair just looks like it's been cut

with a laser beam.

Well, you know, I never say the truth.

The Honorable Reginald Junie is at a total loss for words.

Oh, I got some words for you. He looks so fly. He look dope.

Is that Idris? I say, well, could be, but I'm his cousin, Eldris.

I say, who is looking so good? I was walking like looking at him. All right,

right, all right, Mr. Brown.

I get it. You got there. They liked you. You got a couple numbers, and yeah.

No, I don't think you do get it, because I didn't get no couple of numbers.

All the numbers. Look, numbers just everywhere. They just, look, let me get

number. Call me.

Five, five, five.

Five, five, five.

Three.

That's pretty impressive, man.

I am, I am.

Reginald, how many numbers did you get? I didn't feel like getting any numbers.

That's what happens when your game is weak.

I always took you for one of them smooth Einstein brothers to get all the

ladies. It wasn't a fair fight.

He cheated.

Nobody cheat.

Don't hate it, because Lord bless me with this fine, nice, beautiful, silky

black hair.

Is it silky?

Reggie's hair's as patchy as grass on a ghetto playground.

Oh.

Just spotty. How dare you?

Dalmatian spotty. This is my hand, and it is at least mine. This is your hand.

All right, all right, all right. All right, fellas, come on, man. Do we got

do this right now? Can we please go to sleep? You're right.

Before we end, can we end with just one word of prayer for Reggie?

Bow your head.

Oh, God.

What's this crazy thing? Bow your head, B.

Go deep on it.

Lord, bless Reggie's hair.

Open up the hair filicles and water them so that it can spread out from the root

like grass.

Press it down, shake it together, and run over his hair so his hairline will

be back there but be up here.

Amen. Amen.

Anastasia,

can you please ask Jeremy to pass the butter?

Jeremy did.

Kindly pass the butter.

Oh, absolutely anything for you, Miss Anastasia.

There you go.

Oh, Miss Anastasia, can you ask Leah if she's still picking Phillip up from

school today?

Okay, Leah, you heard that. What's the answer?

Oh, heard what, Miss Anastasia? I didn't hear anything.

And they say all people lose their marbles.

You know what?

Never mind. I'm actually going to pick him up from school today myself.

And Miss Anastasia,

you'd like a snack today.

Are you not tired of this silliness?

Because Lord knows the rest of us all.

Maybe a little.

Okay, it's fine.

But Jeremy, get some...

He is a man, honey.

So along with snoring and obsessively watching adults on television get paid

a fortune for playing with balls and scratching themselves in places that

shouldn't, that's just what men do.

You know, and why they do that?

And then they grab the remote with the same damn hand.

Leah, as true as that is, the fact remains that the time has come for you

stop with the silliness and make up with your husband.

Did I tell you you tried to make up with me last night? Oh, well, that's nice.

By trying to get some action.

Yeah,

he had the nerve to do it.

Come in and not say a word, just walk into the room and try to kiss all up on

me.

Well, it's definitely going to be up to you to mend your relationship because he

clearly lacks the capacity.

You're right.

But, Jeremy, is it totally wrong?

I mean, I might possibly maybe go a teeny little bit

overboard with the shopping.

So maybe, I guess I'll just tell them how I feel. Oh, no.

No, no, no, no.

Men do not want to know how we feel. That's the worst thing you could do.

I know.

It's so frustrating to have to keep all these feelings bottled up inside.

Here's a trick that I learned that can save any relationship.

Whatever you're feeling inside you, come right out and see it.

But in your head.

Really? Yeah, come on, come on. Let's practice.

Look

at

her. She's just so beautiful.

I wonder if she truly knows how lucky she is.

Look at her looking at me.

I wonder if she truly knows how lucky she is to be able to look at me every

I should charge you people my day rate.

So, now that I've set you up for success, I want you to go and make up

with Jerry.

But how?

So I just say I'm sorry? Heavens, no!

You go shopping!

Shopping? You go shopping, but this time, you buy him something for a

Leah? I have been with a lot of men in my life. And I'm talking biblically, of

course. It's true.

Honey, that was my pre -game warm -up.

Lord Jesus, these babies won.

Okay, where was I?

Huh? Uh,

you know a lot of men.

So, they appreciate it.

Yeah? When you buy them something for a change. Okay.

So I want you to go get your phone. Okay.

Your credit card.

And off you go.

I can still use it.

Credit card.

Oh.

He is such an acquired taste.

When I was a little girl, I called it yucky water.

Yes, in my country, we call tea omidoki.

Oh, that sounds so lovely. What does it mean?

Turkey water.

Oh, we got a package.

Yes, we got another package, and surprise, surprise, it's for you.

Actually, I did buy it, but this time it's for you.

You got me something? Mm -hmm. What is it?

Ooh, there's some new sneakers.

Those new limited releases that you really wanted.

The limited releases that I wanted that I didn't buy myself because they're too

damn expensive?

What are you talking about?

Yeah, oh, well, those sneakers.

Hey, I appreciate the thought and effort, all right? But I get so

because every time that doorbell rings... That's the sound of our bank

going down because we're buying things that we do not need. Please.

I don't buy things we don't need, Jeremy.

Baby, yesterday you bought this little device that takes the red things out of

the olives.

I mean, what besides that? Look, I just bought you some sneakers as a peace

offering. Okay, so I tell you you don't buy things, and then you buy more

things? Who's dumb idea was that?

Huh? What's that you say?

Be right there.

Oh, what are we talking about, dumb ideas?

What gave you the dumb idea last night to come into the room and kiss all up on

a woman who was mad at you because basically you said her job isn't a real

like your job?

We have a thing in my country for a situation like this.

Oh, yeah, what's it say?

See trouble.

Make I wrong.

Peace out.

I know they mean well, but I'm tired of people always being in our business. How

could they not?

In this house, someone is always around.

What? Couples always have their differences.

Yeah, but with an audience,

we tend to be a bit more defensive.

Yeah, and then one person has to outdo the next, and it escalates.

I'm sorry, baby.

You know, I'm sorry that I said you don't have a real

job. You know, you're not working because you work damn hard.

Mm -hmm. You make sure everything's good around here.

Mm -hmm.

I promise from now on, I will do my best to play my part, and I'll

even help out with dishes and stuff, okay?

Mm -hmm.

All right?

Thank you.

Mm -hmm.

And? Mm -hmm.

Me. Okay.

I'm sorry, too.

I promise the only...

You know, maybe buy something online once a day.

Once a week.

Yeah, girl.

Wait a minute. Slow down. Say that again.

Your hair is real sexy.

Girl.

Yes. You can't look at it because it'll cut your eyebrows.

Bring two or three friends.

Yes, y 'all can be kittens and I'll be yawing. Y 'all just slap me around.

Girl, you should see me. I put my wave cap on and I get my brush and I brush it

down just like that.

Yes, anytime you want to stop by.

Why you do that?

I paid good money for this faker.

Welcome back to reality, Mr. Brown. We sure missed you.

I didn't say fake hair. I said I don't care.

Why would you do something like that?

Is it still there?

You make me sick now, ruin.

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