Original subtitles

I got a surprise for you, Jeremy.

Does it include a skillet, a spatula, and your famous pancake mix?

Not that kind of surprise.

Your surprise is... Wait for it.

I scheduled you a doctor's appointment.

Okay, let me check my calendar.

What is it?

Okay. See if you're busy in like 45 minutes.

Oh, it's today?

Hell no.

The last time I gave you advance notice, you planned a phony appointment that

supposedly you couldn't get out of just so you couldn't go.

None of my appointments are phony.

You went to the nail salon with Fondra.

I needed a polish.

You're going.

Fine. It's always the same thing, though.

Let me look in your eyes. Let me look in your mouth. Let me look in your ears.

Everything good. Getting a $40 copay.

And this time the doctor going to be looking inside something else.

Huh?

I'm the nigga you talking about what I think you talking about.

Yes.

You are getting a prostate exam.

Oh, man, I don't know, but I don't want nobody poking in my pooper.

I do.

So finish your coffee because your appointment is at 9 o 'clock.

Sharp.

What a beautiful day that this is. Can I get an amen?

So beautiful, don't you?

Let me get back to you on that. What you so happy for?

On my drive over here, I discovered a new way for me to get rich. I'm about to

be rich.

Oh, yeah? Did you discover a way for a man to get a prostate check through the

front door instead of the back door?

No. No, I was driving, and I was listening to a song on the radio, and I

it dying on me. I said, Mr. Brown, I said, huh?

I said, you ought to be a singer.

That's what I'm going to do. I'm about to be rich. I'm going to be a singer.

Okay, well, I hope you answered yourself and said that's not a good idea because

I have absolutely no musical talent.

Well, that's why they invented audio tune.

See, I know I'm going to be good in this music because ain't no other artist out

there that look like me.

Nobody got this style in class.

That's true, but with all due respect, Mr. Brown, ain't nobody trying to hear

old rapper.

I'm not trying to be no old rapper.

Ain't nobody trying to hear no old R &B singer either. I'm not talking about R

&B either.

Well, what kind of singer are you going to be?

Country music.

I'm going to be a country music star.

Mr. Brown, you are crazy.

I am. Crazy like a fox. But I'm about to lasso these millions. I'm about to be

rich.

I'll be rich tomorrow.

What is this? I ordered eggs over easy.

Vinny decided to make eggs over greasy.

Jeremy, you're not eating.

I don't blame you.

I don't like Vinny's cooking either.

Man, I'm not worried about nobody's breakfast.

I'm thinking about this prostate exam I'm about to get.

Oh, put your fears aside, young man. A prostate exam is just like any other.

Yeah. Only instead of open up and say, ah, you bend over and say, oh.

This ain't funny.

You know, I remember my first prostate exam like it was yesterday.

So I bent over.

The guy extended his index finger.

He did it with that.

And he left the room.

That seems uneventful enough.

It was.

Until the nurse came in and screamed, who was that man that left your

examination room?

Fellas, come on. I'm literally about to take my first prostate exam, all right?

Can y 'all give me some good advice? No.

In all seriousness, before you drop your trousers and you bend over and touch

your toes, make certain that your doctor...

Buy you a proper meal first.

I give you roses.

You're just giving your husband some sage advice on his prostate.

Well, look, okay, you need to get going so we won't keep him.

Fine. I'm going.

Wish me luck.

Good luck.

Your husband is leaving it, boy.

He'll return it, man.

You having a personal son at that stage?

You having a hot class, girl? I know.

Oh, no, I was just thinking about my third husband, the magician.

Oh, what magical things he could do with his wife.

I know.

Howdy, partners.

Mr. Brown, what are you wearing?

A car I moseyed on down there to the country and western store and picked up

some new duds. You like that, pretty lady?

Mr. Brown, why are you talking like you escaped from an Oklahoma mental

institution?

This is how we talk, pretty lady, me and my kinfolks. This here is called

country grammar.

Whatever country you escape from, I'll never visit.

Why are you pretending to be a cowboy?

Bless your pretty little heart.

I'm more country than Texas time, Tennessee, divided by chewing tobacco.

I'm going to show you something right there.

Back up her. Back up her. Okay, all right. Will you back up too? I'm going

pretend y 'all are cows and I'm going to lasso y 'all right there.

Yeah, come on.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What kind of cowboy are you? You don't even know how to use your own laptop.

Well, I'm trying to get into character, too. You know I'm something like a

method singer.

Since when are you a singer? Well, since I decided to become a super country

western star.

Oh, please, nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to hear you see country music.

You know what, Mr. Brack? I do have a friend that used to teach with me at the

school. Just opened up a country and western bar across town. Shut up,

Yeah, it's called Tumbleweed Saloon. They showcase up -and -coming acts every

Tuesday afternoon.

What? Cara, today is Tuesday afternoon. It sure is.

If you're serious about it, I can give them a call. I don't know, Cara.

Hey, Mr. Brown, are you ready?

Yeah. Am I ready?

Hats. Chips.

Buckle.

Boots. I don't get ready. I stays ready.

And how many songs do you have?

Oh, I forgot about that part.

a country singer.

Well, Cora, I'm what they call a lyrical genius.

Yeah, I'm a lyrical gangster. I write lyrics.

Yeah, I can write a platinum hit in an hour. All I need is a pen and a pen.

Country singers are not gangsters.

Well, I'm a lyrical gangster. That's what I am, Cora. I write hits.

Platinum hits.

That's all I write, Cora. All right, Mr. Brenner. I'll give my friend a call and

get you on stage. All right. I'm about to make country music history.

Yes, sir. The Titanic made history, too.

That was a real good one. Can you see that?

Hey, babe.

Hey. So?

So what?

How'd your prostate exam go?

I mean, it was okay.

It was fine. No big deal.

No big deal.

That's what I said.

What'd the doctor say afterwards?

You said everything looked good.

Really? Well, that's funny.

What's funny?

I got a call from the doctor's office.

They said you didn't show.

Whatever. No, it's not whatever.

This is your health we talking about, Jeremy.

No, this is my choice, my body. I'm not getting no damn prostate exam, so stop

nagging me about it. Please and thank you. Wait, did you hit me with my body,

choice?

Nagging Jeremy Washington.

Okay, I wanted to be your T -bone, but all I could be is your ardeur.

Ardeur. Hey, Effie, how do you spell ardeur, ardeur?

So you don't know how to spell that word? No, no, I spell it. I'm short.

Solve it out.

Okay.

Ardeur.

Just use appetizer.

How do you spell appetizer?

How are you?

Hey, Mr. Brown, your big debut is almost there. You ready?

How's the song coming? Oh, Curry, good.

Curry, my songwriting process is, I start at the top with the title, then I

write the song down.

Right now, I just got a bunch of titles. Okay, well, let me hear your best one.

My best one, Curry? I love my best one. I just write platinum hits.

Bangers, clubbangers.

Okay. Curry, mama slappers, that's all I write, Curry. Well, I love your

company, so slap me with one.

Okay, let me get you one right here, Corbett.

What about this one?

Just call me tobacco, because you chew me up and spit me out.

You like that?

Check this one out.

Even my dog say, it's not you, it's me.

Okay, you like that one? I got time for one more. Go ahead. Okay, let me see.

I'm going to get you a good one.

Check this one out right here.

You put my heart in the microwave on high.

and ran over it with an 18 -wheeler.

10 -4, good buddy, I'm out.

You like that?

Those titles are interesting, Mr. Brown.

They what?

They're interesting. They interesting?

Yeah. You should have just said they suck, Corrie. That's just another way of

saying they suck.

No. You trying to make a synonym, and you just could have just said it suck. A

synonym? Yes.

A word that means the same thing. You mean synonym? Whatever. Tomato,

It's the same thing. You could have just said they suck.

Well, Mr. Brown, I like it. I like your creativity in office.

They all sound so sad.

Well, Cora, that's what country music is.

You done lost my dog.

I lost my truck.

There's a tear in my beer, Cora.

It's just sad, Cora.

You gotta be low like this.

Mr. Brown, I mean, yes, country music can be sad, but it doesn't have to be.

long as you're telling a great story, you should be fine.

Oh, okay.

Did you call your friend for me to come?

Well, I did, but she said you could sing for her. Okay, okay, that's good.

What about it? But, Mr. Brown, I really think you should, I think you should do

a trial run, you know, performance for me.

You know, sing for me first.

You think I don't see what you're doing? What? You think you can put that by me?

What? You trying to get me to do a song for you so I won't embarrass myself. I

see that. No, that is not what I'm saying. That's exactly what you're

Don't be silly, Mr. Brown. That is not what I'm saying, but you do need to

So you won't embarrass me.

You should recuse yourself from my trial because I don't think you're going to

be the best judge of a talent like mine.

How about you try our celebrity judge, Anastasia, and if she likes your

performance, you can sing at the saloon.

I hope she's ready for what I'm about to give her because I'm about to give her

some bangers.

Some platinum hits. I'm about to have one like... Well, you got to write the

song first.

Right, Coral.

Go on, let me write something. Okay, I'll write one. Okay.

You so grand, you ain't even got there yet. No, Coral, that's the way I do.

A donkey and a skunk fell in love.

I guess you could call him a spanky.

Hey,

Jeremy.

How was your first prostate exam?

Did you cuddle afterwards?

Joke's on you two comedians, because I didn't go.

Wait, you skipped your appointment?

Yep. Why would you do such a thing?

Look, man, I'm not with all that bending over, putting the finger in you, all

that. Uh -uh, I can't do it.

You know, there's a thing in my country.

Which loosely translates to, Jeremy, you're an idiot.

That's a saying in your country?

Yes, I said it, and I'm from my country.

Effie and I were having a collegial laugh at your expense, but the exam

has nothing to worry about. Yes, it's so simple.

It's like your mechanic checking your engine oil.

I think it's a little bit different than that. Well, perhaps.

But it is quick and painless.

And it is over before you know it. And the worst that can happen if you don't

get your oil checked is that maybe later you have to buy a new engine.

Yes. If you don't take your prostate exam, you could have cancer.

And not even know to them. It's too late. If he is right, early detection

save your life.

Even if you don't want to do it, think of Leah and the children.

Where would they be if something happened to you? All right, all right.

need you all to be quiet now.

I see.

So, our words mean nothing to you.

Actually, they mean everything.

I'm going to call the doctor and see if I can get a new appointment.

That's my boy.

Look, fellas, I want to thank y 'all for actually taking the time to talk to me

about this, all right? Even though y 'all had a lot of jokes.

All right, okay.

We are like a calabash full of water next to an empty glass.

It is our job to fill the youthful minds with wisdom.

So you said I had an empty mind?

Not anymore, young Jeremy.

Not anymore.

Just Anastasia, based on this performance, you get to decide if Mr.

at the Tumbleweed Saloon.

Can I give my answer now?

But you haven't heard him sing yet, Ms. Anastasia.

Fine. Send him in. Okay, okay. Mr. Brown, were we ready?

It's your favorite cowboy,

Leroy C .S.

Brown.

The C .S.

stands for country superstar singer singing real good country music.

I'm going to sing a song for you pretty ladies.

And I hope y 'all fancy this song.

It's called Sweet Tea.

Let me put myself in the right key. I'm going to put myself in C flat.

I'll just pick a key.

I'm going to do it. I like to pick my own key.

I wrecked my tractor and I hit a

deer.

My grandmama went to prison and the dog drank my

beer.

How can we possibly sing a song that you just wrote 10 minutes ago?

Just join along.

Okay. When life gives you lemon, you can make some sweet tea.

Sweet tea.

Oh, sweet tea.

Sweet tea.

All right. Sweet.

The river dance is Irish.

You ruled it. You took it. That's what I do.

Okay. Yeah.

Cora, being famous is hard work.

I feel tired. I feel like I got chest pains all over my body.

Well, Mr. Brown, I really, I loved your positivity.

But you know, with singing country music, you don't have to put every

music cliche into one song.

Well, what you talking about, Cora? Mr. Brown, you have to just tell the story.

Tell a good story.

Be relatable.

And speak for me hard. Why don't you give him an example?

That's what I was doing.

Well, okay, but if I was, you know, because country music had its roots from

church. So if I was going to do something, I would do something like

Precious Lord,

take my hand.

Lead me on.

Let me stand.

If I had to do it, that's the way I would take it. You ain't know me, Coral,

you was okay. It was a little shaky at the front part. It was? Yes, you got to

work on your toes and your diction.

All right. Why am I just saying the song Coral was saying? You just give me the

green light.

Well... With the spinning bubble and all of this, and you're talking about,

well... I mean, the pink shoot and everything.

After careful consideration.

Oh, yeah. Careful consideration.

It is my solemn duty to say that the Tumbleweed Saloon is going to be blessed

with the debut performance of a lifetime.

Really? Thank you. Yes, really.

And I cannot wait for them to hear you sing Cara Jean Simmons.

Cara Jean Simmons? No!

Yes, it's your intention.

Just go on up there and break her back or something. Do what you're going to

You could have stole my thunder. You're going to sit there and sing long.

You could have kept it short. I don't know the script.

I don't know.

You know what? I know. Yes, I'll be your manager. We're going to be rich.

We'll both be rich.

You know she got a singing talent for my daddy. You know that note. Well,

singing like that, I don't think she's yours.

Somebody lied to you, Buckaroo.

Mr. Brown!

Jeremy.

Hey, baby.

Hey. How was the gym?

I didn't go.

I got my prostate exam.

Somebody canceled, so the doctor just called me in.

Great. Oh, wait.

Was it bad?

No, it actually wasn't even that bad.

I don't know why I made a big deal about it.

I know why.

Because you a strong man and think that going to the doctors is a sign of

weakness.

But... Being a strong man means putting yourself first and your family first,

baby.

Hey, did you know that black men are twice as likely to be diagnosed with

prostate cancer and even more likely to die from the disease?

Getting early screening is so important.

Oh,

I'm glad I went.

Me too. You know, I got a lot to live for.

And I guess your big ass self is at the top of that list.

Oh, I love you, baby. I love you, too.

Mm -hmm.

And we need you around here, so.

What, you need me to fix something?

You know what? I'm going to fix you something. How about that?

What's that? Oh, see, I just need my spatula.

Okay. I need it.

All right, keep going. And I need my famous sand cake mix.

Oh, you do.

Mm -hmm.

I might have to stick around for a little longer.

You might want to because I'm going to whip it up. Yeah.

Make my pancakes, woman.

There you go, see?

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