Original subtitles

Might we show George that we are the picture of classic professionalism?

Breaking into somebody else's house?

What's this?

A murder?

You'll need to find the antidote and win the grand prize.

Drink with the birthday boy in his private speakeasy.

Yeah, no, we can't be on the same team.

What done is done.

I'm a fur bulk.

No. UD &D? Yeah.

Ten foot two. Eyes of blue, baby.

And congratulations,

Buffy. It's a big bopping on us, sir. See you at the pitch.

Or I will win.

Sure, Monica.

Hey, y 'all.

What a ride these past few months have been.

Being promoted to CEO, an award -winning bopping burger campaign that I got to

start. And to top it all off, being this year's Women in Creative Advertising

Award winner.

I'm so grateful, humbled, and all that other self -deprecating stuff.

And I mean, would you get a look at this thing? I mean, isn't she gorge?

Wait.

Why does that say Monica Marks?

What is happening?

I'll give you a few words of encouragement before your bopping burger

Oh! Oh, that's so kind.

If you don't land the account, you're fired.

Wait, what?

I'm a grinder, too.

If it wasn't for those mouth guards, I'd have nothing but gums.

Melvin, how is this possible?

Well, it's costly starting your own business.

Yes, I know that, but how can I be low on money?

Oh, God, am I poor?

You're not poor. Oh, thank God.

I'd say borderline indigent.

What?

You started a business, you purchased supplies, you redecorated an office, you

hired a publicist, you threw a big party, not to mention you rented space

of the most expensive office buildings in Manhattan.

And... I keep seeing the charge in your business account for microneedling.

Yes. Well, it's a very important office charge for the photocopier.

I still don't understand how I can be in this position. I have new clients.

Not enough to keep the lights on. Not long term.

Melvin, I can't go back to Hoboken. All I'm saying is something needs to change

and fast.

New Jersey's nice in the spring.

Just before the landfills get too hot in the summer.

All of them already.

We found a significant increase in our Boppenburger patronage amongst our key

demographic, 18 to 24, between the hours of 11 p .m. and 5 a .m.

Okay, next slide.

Next slide, Clem.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Is that a poop emoji in place of a burger?

For our professional presentation, it's a patty placeholder that I forgot to

change for our professional presentation.

We'll delete it. Now.

I am, I am. Chill, mama.

I can't constantly be double -checking your work. I really need you guys to pay

attention. I am paying attention, which is how I caught you being a little

spicy, and I said, chill, mama.

Cue the music.

Picture this. It's the party of the century.

Young people are drinking, dancing, having the time of their lives. When

get a text alert on their phone, two for one late night deal.

There's only one place to go. Bopping Burger.

Hey, Bopping Burger.

Hey, Bopping Burger.

Hey, Bopping Burger. Bopping Burger.

Home of the after party.

Guys, seriously.

George is a cis straight white man in his 60s. I don't think he's going to

appreciate the theatrics. Or maybe he will.

I mean, I have Bill questioned everything.

I want to be able to do the splits. Like, personally.

And professionally, of course.

And the sustainable,

recyclable... Oh, God, it sounds stupid.

Happy Pitch Bay!

Oh, my goodness.

Doug, you look like Braveheart Winter Pride weekend.

It's giving Rita.

Isn't it great?

I'm showing that we can bring the Z.

Oh. It's made to measure Italian wool, custom silk lining, and it's got the

perfect hidden pocket for... No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What is it?

It's Tiny Claws.

It's messy!

Can you please just stick to the script?

Is there such a thing as being overprepared?

I just feel like we're taking the magic out of it. The inspiration, the genesis

queer. Okay, but need I remind you, if we don't nail this, Oliver's going to

fire us. I don't think there's any room for magic and inspiration.

But that's our secret sauce.

No, I am the secret sauce.

Excuse?

Okay. Oh, what? You do think you're the sauce?

Well, yes.

I definitely felt a little saucy.

Like barbecue only, Tangier.

So, you have not been doing this long enough to a crew vacation day, so I

suggest you get off this power trip.

I will, when you two finally do your jobs. We've been doing our jobs the

time. The magma pitch, the mock commercial. Okay, so twice?

Because otherwise you've just been redecorating the office, playing a

Guys, you asked us to do those things. Okay, but you abandoned me at George's

party and then you left me with Monica.

Girl, bye.

You probably loved being stuck with her because you want to be her. And

honestly, you're kind of close.

Elliot. I said what I said.

Finish the transformation and get a Diet Coke.

Come on, Clem.

Clem?

Clem. Clem.

I'm sorry, I'm just really confused right now.

You're seriously leaving?

What is wrong with you guys?

What's wrong with us?

Nothing is wrong with us. You just think you're Dina and Dreamgirls. Fine, I'll

be Effie. And I'm telling you, you are not the main character.

Oh, and guess what?

I quit.

See you next Tuesday.

Clem, let's go.

What is that? A plastic bag?

No, you do that with a paper bag. You could asphyxiate yourself.

Good. I have nothing to live for anyway.

You don't understand, Monica. I can't exist without Tiny Claus. I need him.

Doug, we're preparing for the biggest pitch of our careers, and you're worried

about some dumb little doll?

If I had a glass of water, I would throw it in your face.

He's not some stupid doll, Monica. He's my entire world.

Okay. Sorry if I seem to pass judgment.

Let me rearrange my face.

Go on.

My Lola grandmother gave me tiny claws when I left the Philippines.

My parents had immigrated to the United States and Lola raised me until they got

on their feet.

She loved Christmas.

I mean, we all do.

When I was seven, I had to fly to Oregon all by myself to meet my parents and I

was so scared.

Lola gave me tiny claws and she said, as long as I had him, she'd always be with

me.

And then she died.

Oh, 16 years later.

Oh. Yeah.

There's one other thing you should probably know about.

I know about the shapewear.

Filipinos are very superstitious, and there was only one other time where it

didn't happen.

And that's the day we got fired from Atelier.

Doug, we have got to find that dumb doll.

Figurine, but yeah.

What are you going to do for work?

I'll pick up a couple drag brunches here and there. I've been doing an Ariana

Grande slash Lord of the Rings crossover based on her little boyfriend, and

people have been loving it. You're probably not going to find another job

this. Says who?

We literally only got this job because Monica and Doug got fired.

It took them years to get where we are.

Not with a face like this.

A flawless face will only get you so far.

Trust me, I know.

Mm -hmm.

You're really not worried?

Watch how unbothered I am.

Home sweet home.

I can't believe I've never been here. I didn't know what to expect.

But this is like any normal 40 -year -old woman's apartment.

Except for the Christmas tree.

Oh, what's that?

You'll see.

Access granted.

Welcome to the duck poll.

Oh,

my God.

Isn't that right?

Yeah.

You need a passport to enter.

Duck.

What is the purpose of your visit?

Business. Do you have any fruit?

Produce? Okay.

We got to hurry up.

Let's go.

You can't quit too, Annabelle. I need you here. Yes, you are abrasive, often

insubordinate, and I seriously question the amount of prescription drugs you

take, but you have to say, you need to leave for the pitch.

I'm glad it's in another office.

I think we could both use the time apart.

Here,

here. Here's a guy. He's tiny. He's Claus.

He's a tiny Claus. Okay.

You don't have any gloves on.

This is Père Noël from the town of Ivoire, overseeing the first freeze

French Alps. Okay.

Doug, we got to go. We got to find.

How about this one?

Here. It's good.

Not him, okay?

Doug, we have got to go. We've got work to do. You know how much tiny Claus

means to me, okay? I can't leave until we find it. This is silly. We can't do

this all day. We've got to get to work. I told you I cannot leave without tiny

Claus. Well, I can't leave without you.

Doug, you've been my friend and creative partner for over 20 years.

The way you feel about Tiny Claws, the way I feel about you.

Really? Yes, Doug.

You're my Tiny Claws.

On the timer.

Okay, go.

Okay.

Oh, wait, wait.

You need your passport to stand.

Seriously? Yes.

Go, go, go.

All right.

Ho, ho, ho.

Merry Christmas.

Okay. I meal prep every week, and you've eaten four of my dinners.

Just one more bag?

No, that's it. Sit on my nightstand toilet.

But I don't have to go. It's decorative.

Sit.

Then where do you... I have a bathtub, don't I?

Kriska is our friend.

Can she be bossy? Yes.

Annoying? Absolutely.

Does she make work less fun?

Always. You're not really helping her case. But she's the reason that we have

this job and a 401k, which I don't really know what that means. I think it

something to do with gold.

But she's been there for you through thick and thin. I was only thick during

COVID. Who helped you learn how to walk in heels after you were hit by that

pizza delivery guy?

Who bought you diapers in bulk after you got food poisoning in Cancun?

I hope to learn sign language so you can hook up with that hot interpreter at

the Billie Eilish concert.

Who?

With that Chris guy, I don't speak sign.

And you're no walk in the park either, you know?

You're really self -centered.

And sometimes your face is way more expressive than the situation required.

Yeah. And you have no idea where we're at with the budget, do you?

I don't even know where to find that thing.

Right now, Chris needs us. And we need her.

We're friends.

We stand by and support each other even when we think the person sucks. And I

gotta be honest, right now, you suck.

That was a really good read.

I taught you so well.

Thanks.

Now let me do you.

Oh, well, I don't know.

Okay, starting off with your personality, it's... No, you know...

I'm too emotionally fragile for this. Plus, we don't have time. We have a

to get to.

Yeah. Okay.

Jessica.

Buffy. You know, something tells me when it comes to this burger pitch, you're

not going to cut the mustard.

But don't worry.

Maybe you'll be able to catch up.

Oh, boy.

Did you just plan that?

No.

Oh, hi.

Jeff, right? I remember you from George's birthday.

Couldn't say.

I took cough syrup recreationally, and I don't remember a thing.

Can I get you something to drink?

Uh, I'd love a green juice.

This is the headquarters for a burger company. We don't have that. We have

No diet.

A water would be great.

I'll see if I can find some.

So, uh, where's the other two?

Oh, uh, they're not coming.

Oh, how very dream girls.

What'd you say?

Kriska, you heard me.

Just because I'm a cool, straight guy doesn't mean I don't like musicals.

That was the one time I didn't root for Beyonce.

Hurry up, Doug.

Hurry up, come on.

Hello.

Kriska, Buffy, you're wearing another woman's shirt.

Oh, Monica, you know I have a short torso.

We're fresh out of water.

Buffy, George is ready for you.

All right.

Well, I've already given it to him once in the speakeasy. I hope he's ready for

round two.

For once, I didn't mean it to sound like that.

Or did I?

Hey, George!

Buffy!

What thought did we get off?

Oh, I don't think you can masturbate on a train.

No, what thought did we get off to go to Georgia?

Dude, I don't know. It's following you. Clem.

Oh, I'm glad you loved it. And it doesn't have to be Swedish models.

Could be Norwegian.

But they do have to be thin.

Thanks, George.

Guy, I just won.

George said you can all go home.

Wait, he did? Chris, go George. I'll see you now.

Oh, Jeff.

Really?

Here we go.

Here we go.

What does Benzie love more than anything?

Oh, sorry, I went too far. Let me just go back.

Clickers are tricky, tricky, tricky.

Spending time with their... Sorry.

What did Gen Z love more than anything?

Spending time with their friend.

But this is a family restaurant.

It is, yeah.

So your pitch is about friends for a family restaurant?

Yes.

Okay.

Picture this.

It's the party of the century, and you're out with your crew having the

your lives. Are they on drugs?

Drug? No.

No. And why are they having that much fun?

What a great question.

But, you know, the night is winding down, and you're thinking... Well, I'm

thinking anything, because I'm in bed, because I have a family.

Right. No, of course. The young people are thinking, not you.

Not that you're not young.

You're just not young like us.

Although your wife is young, but she's a lot older than us.

Not that she's old. I actually still think she has a very young -looking

and that's what a lot of older women care about. You know, not older women,

women that are soon going to be old.

So you're thinking, they're thinking, what do we do?

Am I supposed to answer?

No. No, sorry, this is just, uh, this is usually Elliot's part, and, uh, he does

this really funny song that I actually... I can't really do myself.

Um... Sorry, so she turns to her friends, and she, uh, realizes...

Realizes what?

Did they all die from a drug overdose?

No, no, they're still alive, they're just, um...

They're not here.

Sorry, I'm... I'm so sorry, I just can't do this.

Monica, Doug, you're up next.

I'll take any... Oh,

I swear, I... Honestly, I didn't ask anyone to call me this time.

Yourself, Tanner's rubbing off on your collar.

Hello, George.

Do we make it?

You guys!

For once, it was not time blindness, but it was empathy deafness.

Something I suffer from when someone's been annoying enough. I'm so sorry. I

giving off main character energy, and I even gave myself the... No, no, no, no.

I was nastier than a straight man's bathroom.

And I called you a whore.

You did?

In my head.

So did I.

Except I said it out loud.

Look quiet, like this.

Oh, that is shameful.

Isn't it?

It's degrading to women.

I can't do this job without you two, but I already picked. Now Oliver's going to

fire us.

Made of recyclable materials that help offset the carbon footprint, this bag

takes you from classroom to Coachella.

These bright, fun colors and variety of shapes are sure to go viral on socials

because it's just so darn cute.

And with endless ways to style them, they'll be the hottest thing since

Diana's beanie baby.

May she rest in peace.

You know, George, when you first asked if we were capable of representing the

Gen Z sensibility, I said yes.

But I lied.

I haven't told that big a lie since I told the girl at Sephora that I liked

way she did my makeup.

But since then, I've put in my time on this campaign.

I've gotten to know Gen Z.

I've hung out with Gen Z.

I let them party at my house.

Will I ever get the scent of strawberry vape out of my drapes? I don't think so.

But it was worth it because I learned there's a lot to love about Gen Z.

They're authentic, original, looking for ways to express themselves.

With Secure the Bag,

Boppenburger celebrates diversity and secures its place in this cultural

A place where everyone belongs.

Say hi to Ashley.

Thank you.

Thank you.

George, wait.

We know our girl messed up, but she's a Virgo.

So she's smart, but has no charm.

Don't get me started. I'll have to go right there. When we aren't together,

sauce isn't tangy enough.

Are you all on drugs?

Not right now.

Atelier is the three of us. Can we please pitch again? Please.

No.

Sorry, they don't know how it works.

You have 15 minutes.

What? And that's why every great night ends at Boppenburger.

With your friend.

Ta -da!

Well, this was a lot of fun.

But I think we know who won.

Buffy, I really liked your pitch.

And there it is.

So, well, thank you.

Monica, you reminded me why we worked together for so many years.

Kriska, Elliot, Clem, you've really come a long way.

Thank you.

I've made my decision, and I've decided to go with... Hey, guys!

Hello, Governor.

Hey.

I'm going with Matt.

Yep.

Matt?

That Matt?

Yeah, this Matt. Matt, who works for me, Matt?

Yes. Wait, you're not British?

At my birthday party, we bonded over D &D. Now, I'm a furbolg, and he's a storm

giant. And as you probably know, we are quite a pair. We are guilty.

He's very imaginative.

And, you know, as this campaign is all about Gen Z, and they love interactive

experiences.

Matt's background as a game master is going to prove invaluable.

Mm -hmm.

Thin de mer.

That's two bad ladies in Storm Giant. Storm Giant.

I don't know, maybe you should have let me pitch.

Oh, and Crisco, my letter of resignation, it's on your desk. Oh.

No, maybe you just want to think it over. You know, some more time to

reconsider. Yeah, we can send you our pitch deck and you can review it. He's a

fool, George.

I've made my decision.

Matty boy, let's get to work.

Right -o, sir.

So he is British.

Of course the millennial white guy won.

I need a drink.

I need a gummy.

Hey.

Oliver call and fire you already?

Uh, no, but I figured I'd get a head start on moving out.

You know, I meant to ask you, what'd you end up pitching?

Oh, um... Boppenburger.

Secure the bag.

Wow, that's pretty good, huh?

How about you?

Uh, Boppenburger, home of the after party.

Oh, that's good, too.

Well, don't be too impressed.

I did cry in front of George.

Just try not to do that.

Being a woman is what they expect.

And even if they don't... Expect it, they'll think you're using your

to try to manipulate them.

Have you ever cried at work before?

Me?

No.

Well, it doesn't matter anyway.

I will be unemployed soon enough, and I think I kind of deserve it because I

screwed up a lot.

Being really good at something takes time.

Yeah, but you can't skip the line.

The problem with your generation is you think you deserve everything without

doing the work first.

The problem with mine is we don't always give you a fair shake.

You've got good instincts.

You're going to make it.

Eventually.

Well, thank you.

I just don't get how Minnesota Matt is going to run a whole campaign by

Who knows? He doesn't even have an agency. No, he'd have to start one.

even be able to do that? Of course not. He's Matt, so he'll have to fold into

one. Yeah, so that means he's up for grabs.

And whoever hires him would get the campaign.

Hey, out of my way. He's mine. Not if I get some birds. Come on, come on, stupid

elephants. You know what I'm saying? Hey,

have some self -respect.

I'm a pain in your rectum.

I am that bitch off left on.

Heavy hit around, spit up for me, rerun. Hey, hey, hey, um, what's happening?

Now to get my drink? That's right.

Shake your ass till it sinks? That's right.

Mr. Moe's gonna be? That's right.

Put it down for the street? That's right.

Come on, pass the duck, baby.

Shake, shake, shake your stuff for me.

Doobie.

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