Original subtitles

If I decided the West End hadn't seen the last of Bonnie Scott, would you be

there by my side?

I've been offered a job.

London. That's amazing!

I wish I could get married.

Will you?

Don't get your ass, your niece.

No point there's going to be. What's your secret, Laura?

I don't want to live in this house anymore.

Because it's at the knees.

I show my world.

We need all else.

And dowels and dwangs.

What are dwangs?

He, he, he!

Another 400 quid at the back, Ben!

Darren's finally accepted me refusing his proposal.

But I want to show him that this dream wedding isn't just pie in the sky.

Right.

These are my counts.

Oh, no.

Squares with numbers in them.

No, look.

See this number here?

Aye. That's 10 % of what I earned last month.

Going straight into your wedding fund.

Is it?

We'll get there, Darren.

Month by month.

Imagine a royal wedding.

Add strobe lights, a bouncy castle and a van that does candy floss.

I don't day sums, but I know that had a lot of months.

I think you start thinking about this charity night.

Which charity night?

Mind Niamh's wee boy was in hospital with pneumonia.

Aye. He's fine now, but as you know. Aye, in a pain in the arse.

But Niamh asked me to MC a charity night for the children's hospital.

I said MC, I'll do the lot.

You'll be brilliant at that.

I know.

So I'm thinking, charity ball, dinner suits, gowns, and we'll have a Kelly.

Oh, yes.

Now I know this isn't meant to be about me, but I want people saying I cannae

believe how much money that collect Scott raised for that hospital.

Aye. More than Lin Weir ever did at her charity, right?

Well, it's not competition.

Of course.

Of course, it's about the wins.

Lin Weir couldnae raise a stoner at a Viagra party.

Henry and I haven't discussed what I said about moving to a new house.

There's enough upheaval going on as it is.

Jason's away this week.

Oh, the baby of the family is leaving home.

I'm the baby of the family.

He's older than me.

So let's try and get everything boxed up by Friday.

Why are you taking all your posters?

Well, I need my posters. These are like 50 % of my personality.

It won't be his room anymore without his posters.

That was the first poster you ever had.

We got it at the carnival and I pinned it up for you.

Weird knock -off Spider -Man.

Do you want me to leave that here?

Nah. I want Spidey looking after you in your new place.

I want every bit of balled up, crunchy, spunky toilet paper out of that room

before I come in to help.

I already got rid of him for you.

Mum!

Michael Ball.

A gorgeous genius.

phoned me with a huge opportunity.

Vonnie, he said, there is a solo dance number in our new show that just needs

the tender touch of the terror of Soho.

Bastards!

Bastards!

Come on, you're untying my cheer.

So, I call him back and wait till you hear this.

He said that the team want me to fly down to show them what I can do.

It's not an offer, Vincent.

It's an audition.

You?

Vonnie Scott?

Audition? Exactly! Audition! Me! Moi!

I'll volley that Michael Ball straight into the tap corner, telling me, stick

it. Well, there's no satisfaction in telling someone to stick a job that you

don't actually have yet.

You know what the Vonnie Scott play would be?

What? Do the audition.

Show them that you've still got it.

And when they offer you the job... Then tell them to stick it.

You know me so well!

Now where are my goddamn tattoos?

And so it's arrived.

Moving out day.

Now that Jason's moving all these weird wee men out of the house, it actually

feels real.

Listen, they weird wee men put down the rebellion of the heretic Warmaster

Horace. I'll have you know.

That's my bro.

We're not doing melancholy today.

It's a positive step for Jason and we're going to be happy and excited and

supportive and... Jason, you keep stopping. It's literally too long to get

the bend.

How do you think people get couches into flats? Do people in flats just sit on

the carpet?

Henry, we're not doing this today.

I said I want things to be wholesome like the great pottery throwdown.

It'll be the great Jason throwdown in the stairs in a minute.

If the angle's too tight, lift it up. I'm lifting it up higher.

Higher. Can I just put it down a minute? My arms are killing me.

Oh, Jason, we've only just... All right, put it down.

You're doing brilliantly, Jason.

Isn't he Henry?

Oh, superb.

I think we should start a removals company together.

Two lovely men removals, we'll call it.

Heartwarming, Henry, and he's lovely.

Grafter Boy Removal Company Limited.

Jet down, blow them all away, tell Michael Ball where to stick it and then

back up the road ready to be a baller at the charity ball.

Well, that's a long way to go for an act of sheer pettiness.

I know.

And it's absolutely delicious.

Now, how come I'm carrying... Why am I carrying boxes and you're just...

...wrestling?

Is that about right?

Higher?

Right,

come on, we'll get a quick photo. Come on, quickly.

Yay!

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

I hope you don't think that when I talk about doing things I've never done

before, moving house, that I regret anything.

I don't.

I've loved every minute I've spent with them and with you.

I know.

I know.

But let's promise that we're going to make the second part of our adventure as

amazing as the first.

Aye.

Listen unto me.

Talk about tile, grout and dills.

For another 40 year.

It'll be incredible.

Henry, promise.

Listen.

Henry and Laura.

Part two.

Five stars on a poster.

I promise.

I promise too.

But if you could throw in a bit of spontaneity here and there too then.

not go crazy then.

Let's not go daft to it.

Seriously? Pull my body!

That's it!

Yes!

Yes! Woo!

Do you know what I call a exercise, by the way?

What? Pulling my plonker?

Men bonded in muscle, mate.

Vincent, I was in and out of foster homes when I was wee.

I didn't know that.

A lot of quiet bedrooms and time on my own.

Sorry to hear that, man.

That's why I love this family.

It's just so alive.

I cannae wait to marry Colette in many, many months.

Yeah. Well, it's not a plus side, right?

By the time you two get married, you'll be able to have your reception on the

moon. Well, even if I'm old and grey by the time it finally happens, I'm going

to be so honoured to be a Scot.

Aye, but Colette will take your name, you dafty.

Oh, aye.

Right enough.

Colette Stoner McGregor.

Why do you take my horn off your peck now?

Oh, sorry.

Back to the bands.

Let's do it.

Drag me to hell!

Doctor says my fatty liver is starting to reverse.

Beep, beep, beep.

This fatty liver is reversing.

Top of the world, so am.

Right.

Let's get this show on the road.

Let's hope the money comes in now.

So when you can sit down your back, darling.

Here comes the money.

We know the best looking family about by the road.

Hey, hey, who's this guy?

Laura bought me that jacket for Christmas one year.

Total beamer.

Never wore it.

But I've made that promise now, so this is for her.

Yeah, Laura, what have you done to my brother?

Don't you think you've got Marty Pelt in that jacket?

Feel it in my fingers.

I feel it in my toes.

I feel it in my trousers.

That's when my willy grows.

Yeah, Ronnie, Ronnie, come here.

Feel her, Jake.

There.

Ah.

I don't know if Mark Haley was coming.

Quiet. I'm really looking forward to hearing you sing later.

Are you?

You look gorgeous, Lana.

Ah, thank you.

Tenor in the collection bucket for compliments.

Come on, get your purse empty ten.

Henry, see, Laura Wright, she knows that you look like a big velvet

couch that go up and walk to a big bed knobs and broomsticks bastard.

But this is an emotional day for yous too and she just wants to make sure yous

feel loved.

Bed knobs and broomsticks?

Listen, be honest with me, Henry Wright.

Do you think that Vonnie has my back the same way that Laura has yours?

Oh, look at that, Henry.

Evening sponsored by Vincent Scott Endy.

And very handsome, too.

Oh.

Aye, look at that big Vincent, eh?

Don't see your name up there, Henry.

I donated some of the raffle prizes.

You've won a bag of shark sand.

Oh, don't take that, Henry.

I feel free to sponsor a table or two.

Right, put Henry Scott's scaffolder down for a couple of tables.

Anything he denies,

Vincent Scott, MD,

will double it.

I know how to play them as one another, but I need more.

I've no seen you put anything in that charity bucket yet, Mammy. You've got my

ticket money.

What mer do you want?

Quite right, Moira.

I'm only here cos charity and I've got a hooch in my kind -hearted books.

Shooting fish in a barrel.

Charity begins at home, I say.

Hear, hear.

Raising money for sick wins.

What about the blind?

What about you?

There's another windfall.

Wayne.

Going to spend the money on anything worthwhile.

Lego. Shite.

What would you spend your money on?

Well, Moira, let's just say,

you can just not Lego from a stripper's belly.

That guy is disgusting.

Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for Star Time?

Please listen to the stage, your folks, for this evening.

Collect Scott!

Money, money, money, ah.

Money, money, ah.

In a rich metal world.

Come on, it's not funny. Get your horns in your pockets.

Get that money in the bucket.

Orange 225.

This is a fix, by the way.

Get that rattled in the bucket, Margaret.

Yes, it's for the wings.

You'll only spend it in scratch car pens.

For a dinner date with Ronnie Scott.

Lily, that's been two months since Darren left you for your sister.

Time to get back on the horse, darling.

1 .50.

And we're off!

Ah, she'll be playing blind man's buff tonight.

I'll be the blind man.

She'll be in the buff.

Right, Mum.

Get your Kaley trainers on.

Band are setting up.

Henry's been good to me wearing the jacket, so I'll be good to him and not

him to dance. He hates Kayleigh dancing.

Take your partners for a gay garden!

Hi, Laura.

You can come up and dance with me, since we're both no old boring boys won't be

getting up.

Sit down, Vincent.

This is Henry and Laura, part two.

I'll be doing every Kayleigh dance tonight.

Sorry, Vincent.

Did you see the way he stopped Vincent there?

I think I just had my nobody -puts -baby -in -a -corner moment.

Social dancing is literally my worst nightmare. You couldn't pay me to get up

there.

Hi, Jason.

You fancy a gay Gordon?

Absolutely.

Off the plane, quick change in the toilets.

Cinderella, you shall go to the charity ball.

Wow.

Scotland's most desirable couple reunited, Jason Donovan and Kayleigh

How'd it go?

Well, I danced my arse off and the bastards offered me the job.

Of course.

And what did Michael Bauheed say when you told him he'd piss off?

Ladies and gentlemen, take your partners and come on the dance floor for the

Arcadian Strip the Willow.

Come on.

Laura! Bonnie, you look gorgeous.

I'm still catching my breath. I thought I'd last one.

This dance is hardcore.

You're going to die.

Bonnie, what did Michael Bourgeois say when you told him to piss off? Just save

your breath, the dance.

What did he say, Bonnie?

I didn't tell him to piss off.

I took the job.

Shock twist.

Yeah, right.

Don't people know who I am?

What I love.

What I have dreamed of for years since my greatest failure.

Aaron's right.

As stubborn as Henry can be, the truth is he does always put me first.

Like Danny's a cool turning jock for Sandy.

That is lovely.

I'm going to check.

So you're leaving for London?

I need it.

How long?

Six months now.

What about your school?

We'll cross that bridge.

Once we come to it. Well, we're at the bridge, Bonnie.

Have a bit to jump half it.

I'll be back.

Well, you can... Off with that.

We'll love you and you'll die there.

You've been keeping us here, right, Vincent?

Right, Vincent?

Look what I won in the raffle.

There's a cracking pool table coming up next in the charity auction.

Dad always said he'd put one in my room when I left home.

You should bet.

That's right.

These are going to... Probably not. Your dad doesn't want to.

Mum, it's Dad.

He'll go wherever you want to go.

Thanks.

And back to the auction for the final item of the night.

An American pool table.

Ten pound.

You can put that in here, aren't you?

A tenner?

For a pool table?

Yeah, if you're not...

That's it too, Hannah.

200 pounds!

Cracking night, Collette.

How much do you think you've raised?

We might just make 5 ,000.

5 ,000?

So what's up with you?

I wanted to do a lot better.

I feel like I've let them do.

Oh,

shut up, Collette.

What? How much did you think you were going to raise millions?

No.

Aye.

Nothing's good enough for you.

I'd get high expectations.

Your house isn't good enough.

You're no good enough.

And your songs aren't good enough. It's you that said that, actually.

And then there's Darren.

What about Darren?

It doesn't get much better than that boy, then.

It doesn't.

I know that.

You'll not marry him because you don't have this and you don't have that.

But I need to.

Don't need anything, hen.

Can you not see what you've already got?

Vincent.

Don't you dare.

Vincent.

If it is about the business, then Ailey can hold the fort when we're away.

It's no about the bloody business.

I'm no going to London, all right?

No.

Oui, Vincent, says no.

This is a shot at redemption for me.

It is meant to be, and I need you there to support me.

Well, you support me.

Know the time, pal.

I support you. I always support you.

What support me like, oh, Vonnie, I'm worried I might be dying.

Maybe we can live a healthier lifestyle.

Vonnie says no. That's not no. Support me like, oh, Vonnie, I think maybe

actually I would love to have a win. Vonnie says no. Hey!

You stood at Laura's door and you promised me that if I ever wanted to do

that you would be there.

Nothing keeping us here, she says.

Nothing.

I didn't mean nothing.

I made one promise to you that matters, Vonnie, right?

When you were down in London that first time, miserable, by the way, I promised

you a better life.

And look!

A beautiful family.

The best family, by the way, that loves you.

There's my promise, Vonnie.

Fulfilled.

There's your nothing.

If I don't go... If I don't go

to London for this, then how do I... Finish my story!

Tell me that the Vonnie Scott comeback is not the big finale.

Oh, this is a finale, all right.

Give me regards to Broadway, Vonnie.

What the hell am I doing?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Sorry for interrupting the music, but there's something I've got to do.

Darren, can you come here a wee moment?

It's fine. It's okay.

It's all right.

You make these plans.

You've got to take life as it comes.

Then know when a moment is right.

Darren Bruce Lee.

Bruce Lee?

His name's Bruce Lee?

Mate, the slaggings we've been missing out on.

Love of my full life.

Will you marry me?

Aye.

One thing.

Can I take your name?

What?

My family name means nothing to me.

But Scott, that name, your name,

Bree's name, can I be that as well?

My God, of course you can!

I'm going to be a Scott!

Yeah!

Aw.

I mean, as if I'd ever be taking a guy's name anyway.

No.

So we wake up the next morning and we are the only two people who live in our

house. Get yourself ready.

I'm taking you somewhere nice.

Are we going for a walk?

Kinda.

Now you watch yourself, Slippy.

So, I'm thinking You'd maybe want a living room here What?

In my new pool table In the games room Maybe here

Henry, are you gonna build it for how?

I'm not gonna build it We're gonna build it Together A wee adventure

I mean, can we?

Is the land for sale?

Well, no anymore.

I hope this wasn't too spontaneous for you, but... I've already bought it.

Oh, no!

I mean, if this is, like, a really stupid idea... No, no, no, no, it's an

amazing idea.

I mean, do you really want to do that?

I love building stuff.

I don't know why I didn't think of it before.

Here we are.

I'm excited.

It's alright.

I want something like that.

The big massive one.

I like that one.

Is that the one you want? I don't want it.

I'm so excited.

Oh, I love you.

Right, so it's these guys or these guys. These are my guys. These are your guys.

So you've got your 12 days.

Right, okay.

Killed all my wee guys. Well done.

Well done.

But me next.

Right, I'm going to win.

So the living room will start here, right?

Yep.

So this is all... No, this is kitchen.

Kitchen.

Aye, nose, cheeky, cheeky chin.

Cheeky, cheeky chin, nose.

Aye.

Five -minute call, Mrs Scott.

Five -minute call.

When your belly's rumbling down my phone.

When you ask for bread and get a phone.

When you feel like you're wrong.

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