Original subtitles

* Oh my, oh my,*

* got a lot on my mind.*

* Oh my, oh my,*

* it's messy but it's mine.*

* The Kouncil*

[***]

* Treat my body like the candy shop,*

* pick your poison,*

* different flavors for the choosing*

* yeah I got a lot.*

* You can't explain it...*

[Music suddenly stops]

- Oh, missed a spot.

- Great, Seth is on the way to have sex with us

and Flo just had to show up.

- Who said anything about sex?

- Are you crazy?

Do you know how long it's been?

- It's been a really long time.

- So is he having cherry pie tonight or what?

- I got it.

We'll just lay a towel down.

He'll never notice.

- Oh, right, until he goes into the shower

and sees a crime scene on his dick.

- Okay, no sex.

We'll just watch a movie. It's fine.

- I don't want to go see a fucking movie with him.

I want a burger!

Fuck!

[***]

[Doorbell rings]

[***]

* You must think I'm stupid, you must think I'm blind. *

-Hi. -Hi.

- Hey, come on in.

-Thanks for having me. -Yeah, of course.

- I brought you a gift.

- Thank you.

That's very sweet.

- This is nice.

- Thank you.

Yeah, it was my aunt's.

She decorated it.

She left it to me.

She ended up dying, actually.

- Are you okay?

- Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

No, I don't even know why I mentioned it.

- Okay, well, she did her thing.

- Yeah, she did, honestly.

Oh.

- It's for your dog.

- Oh, I don't have a dog.

-What? -Yeah.

- I could have sworn you had a dog somewhere.

- But thank you. That's very sweet.

-Okay, record player. -Yeah.

- It's nice. How long have you had that?

- It was my aunt's, so however long she's had it for.

- Awesome.

Light or dark? What are we doing?

- Either or.

I just brought them out.

You know, I thought we could do some shots.

I can make you a cocktail if you'd like.

- I'm with whatever you're with tonight, so...

- Amazing.

- You mind if I use the bathroom real quick?

- No, not at all. It's right back there.

- Okay. I'll be right back.

- Okay.

What?

- Gifts are my love language.

- I know, I'm kind of in love with him.

- Whoa, okay, what is happening?

You can't even use the gift.

- I know, but it was really thoughtful.

We should thank him.

- We should give him head.

- Okay, everybody stop.

I'm gonna need you to break this down, okay?

You're telling me you're willing to put this man's

mushroom cap in your mouth because he gave you a dog toy

for a dog you don't have?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Look, all I know is Jackson never got us any gifts,

and I'm really liking the attention right now.

- And I'll be damned if the next guy cheats

because I didn't do enough.

- And once again, you're being ruled

by your emotions and logic takes a back seat.

Great, I guess I'll just go fuck myself.

- Wait, what happens if we do this

and he ghosts us right after?

- Girl, please.

He is not gonna ghost us after this, okay?

Just remember to breathe through your nose, no teeth.

That sloppy toppy always keeps them coming back.

[Seagulls squawking]

* I don't need you to dig what I'm about,*

* no matter what you say or do...*

- I think Seth is ghosting me.

- Hmm. What makes you say that?

- I texted him and asked if he wanted to hang out tonight,

and he gave me a thumbs up in response,

and he has not responded since.

- Okay, and what were the vibes last night?

- They were good.

We watched TV, we talked, we hung out.

I gave him head.

-Gave him head? -Yeah.

- That was quick. - I know.

I mean, it wasn't the original plan, but he got me a gift

and I got inspired in the moment.

- It makes sense. Gifts are your love language.

- They are.

I mean, you don't give Martin head

after he does something thoughtful?

- No, after five years, I don't even know

what his dick looks like anymore.

-That's true love. -Yes, it is.

Thank you.

Did you do it until he finished?

- Oh, God, yes.

-How long did that take? -Too long.

I don't even know. I still have fucking lockjaw.

- Did you.... Did you swallow?

- No.

-You can tell I'm lying? -Yes.

100 percent.

-Yeah. -100 percent.

-You're disgusting. -I know.

- Who's that?

- Oh, that's Xavier.

He lives on my block.

- Katie, why are you not going after that very attractive man?

Is it cuz he's not toxic?

- Seth is not toxic.

You don't even know him.

- You don't even know him, okay?

What I do know is Xavier seems pretty into you.

- Oh, all right, well, that's not what we're talking about

right now, okay?

Can we please focus? Help me out.

Is he ghosting me?

Yes or no?

- It is still on "read."

- It's on "read"?

- It's currently still on "read."

He's typing.

- He's typing?

- Just kidding.

- Oh, you're a bitch.

- Sorry.

* I want to be honest, *

* want the truth. *

- Do you think I should trim my nose hairs?

- Why are we doing this?

He didn't even respond.

- He didn't respond yet,

but I want to be ready for when he does.

- You're getting ghosted.

- We are not getting ghosted.

His phone probably just fell down a well.

We had a real connection, okay?

He's gonna text us back.

* Whoa, handle her, how she got so much stamina?*

* How she got so much RAM in her?*

* Gigabyte when she gon' dance it up.*

* Hey, let me do them eyes...*

- You've got to be kidding me.

[Owl hooting]

- This is why seeking validation from men was a terrible idea.

Now we're ghosted and right back at square one.

- But what exactly did we do to get ghosted?

I really thought he was the one.

He liked me. I felt it.

- Girl, he liked me.

You felt what you needed to believe that.

- You.

He probably ghosted us because you didn't have sex with him.

- Excuse me?

How is this my fault?

Was the head not enough? We even swallowed.

- No, I remember.

it tasted like warm boogers and battery acid going down.

He probably ghosted us because you gave him head right away.

- So at first it was because I didn't have sex with him,

now it's because I did?

Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

So I repeat, how is this my fault?

- Oh, my God.

What happened?

We were intimate with this guy

and he doesn't even text us back.

What am I doing? I have standards.

- No, you had standards, but you chucked them out the window

because you're so desperate for validation from men right now.

- No, he met everything on our manifestation list.

- Did he?

He gave us a dog toy when we don't have a dog.

And he was texting other women when he was with us.

- So the red flags were there the whole time,

and you still thought he was the one?

Stupid.

- Fine, blame me.

It's always my fault, right?

Silly me, thinking my prince was ever gonna come.

- Your prince will never come if you keep anxiously attaching

to these toads.

But now we're hurt again and it's worse this time

because this stupid list got us in a situation

where someone else's actions could affect us like this.

Because our heart was irresponsible.

- And immature.

- And embarrassing.

- And fucking desperate.

Did we go too far?

- No, it needed to be said.

You're right. She was irresponsible.

You know, I'm beginning to think if Prince Charming

even exists or wonder if Prince Charming even exists.

If we fall for every guy who gives us attention

we'll just continue being a doormat for them.

I'm starting to think true love is bullshit.

- What did you just say?

- True love is bullshit.

- Yeah, but you've never said anything like that before.

Something's wrong.

- What, like someone new is here?

- No, like I felt a sudden change of heart.

[***]

- Oh, this is gonna be fun.

- Now that's a bitch I can get behind.

- Heart?

- No, that's a man-eater.

[***]

* She bougie, she bad *

* she livin' rent-free, she bad. *

* She got that,

she promised. *

* Don't watch that,

no apologies, *

* she turnin' up the volume,

oh, stand back. *

* Colors like a rainbow

when she's bad. *

* She got that. *

* She got that. *

* She got that. *

* She got that, *

* wearing all them colors like

a rainbow and she's so bad. *

[***]

* Wearing all them colors like

a rainbow and she's so bad. *

[***]

* So, so bad, bad. *

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