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Zulu
[???]
?�It's�a�mad,�mad�world�?
?�And�guess�who's�gonna save�it�all�?
?�It's�a�dirty�job�?
?�But�someone's�gotta�do�it�?
?�Yeah,�we�can�do�it�?
?�Super�Team�Canada!�?
?�Hey,�hey!�?
?�The�fate�of�the�free�world�?
?�Is�in�our�hands�?
?�We're�the�heroes of�the�land�?
?�Super�Team�Canada!�??
[explosion]
[distant�loon�calling]
[???]
And�that�completes�my�proposal
for�Project�Saturday�Morning.
[Prime�Minister]�Denied!
What? I�pitch�this�every�year
to�ensure the�security�of�Canada,
and�every�single�year you�refuse!
Yes,�Dr.�Garburator,
because�it's�insane!
As�the�Head�of�Bubl�-6,
Canada's�secret�spy�branch,
I�would�expect�you to�know�better!
Some�"beam"
that�turns�our�endless crappy�tax-credit�cartoons
into�an�unstoppable�army of�super�soldiers?
Ha!
Your�project�is�over,
and�now�I'm�reassigning�you
to�help�with�something truly�important�to�our�nation,
organizing "The�Guess�Who�Day".
W-who?
-The�Guess�Who. -I'm�not�in�the�mood
to�play�guessing�games,�okay?
This�is�ridiculous.
Just�like�your�plan!
You're�fired!
Jacques!�Louis!
[Dr.�Garburator]�Huh?
You're�firing�me?
You�say�my�plan�is�insane?
I'm�secretly�attracted to�one�of�these�Mounties?
Well,�guess�what? All�three�are�true,
and�I'll�be�back!
Good�luck!
Everybody�knows�our�cartoons
are�specifically�designed
to�appeal�to�only�children and�simpletons.
[munching]
A�cat�in�a�tree?
The�stakes have�never�been�higher!
Help!�Help!
[horn�beeping,�dogs�barking]
Don't�worry,�ma'am,
because�we've�got�a�plan!
Together�we're... The�Pooch�Pack!
[dog�barking�and�howling]
You�do�realize
this�is�a�show for�preschoolers,�don't�you?
[chuckles�knowingly]
As�if�the�subtle�themes of�friendship�and�teamwork
wouldn't�be�completely�lost on�the�average�four-year-old.
Pooches, let's�activate�some�mooches!
[honking�horn,�howling]
[Breakaway]�Yes! Just�in�time!
That's�Masyn,�with�a�"Y",
their�leader and�Trace's�best�friend.
I�know�everything about�the�entire�Pack!
Like,�Rumble�once�wet�his-
Where�the�hell�did�everyone�go?
We�need�help fixing�Super�Vanada�1,
and�Sask�keeps�eating�the�tires!
[munching�and�belching]
Breakaway,�enough�of this�poop�of�the�horse!
I'm�coming! Cool�your�jorts!
Whatever�the�Canadian�Emmy�is,
this�show�should�win�30�of�'em,
because�it�can�teach�us�all amazing�life�lessons,
and�you're�missing�them!
-Cough...�it..�up! -[farting�noises]
[phone�ringing]
[RCM-PC]�Hello?
That�was�the�P.M.
He�needs�to�see�us�right�away.
Says�it's�a�national�emergency.
My�favourite�kind!
Let's�roll!
[slamming]
[exploding]
[Poutine] I�warned�you�about�the�tire!
I'm�sure�you�all�heard,
but�I�recently�lost�the�person
organizing�The�Guess�Who�Day.
[RCM-PC]�Who?
Why�does�this�keep�happening?
Listen,�I�just�want�to�honour
one�of�Canada's greatest�rock�bands
here�on�Parliament�Hill,
but�the�person who�was�supposed�to�do�it�quit
after�I�fired�him.
Can�you�help?
The�Guess�Who?
Their�music�totally�helped my�dad�make�me
with�my�mom�in�high�school!
We'd�be�honoured!
Fantastic!
Finally,�I�can�relax.
[exploding]
[P.M.�yelping]�Explosion!
Ha�ha! I�told�you�I'd�be�back,
and�I�brought�some�friends.
Well,�work�friends.
Masyn�here, reporting�for�duty!
-[horn�honking] -The�Pooch�Pack�kid?
He's�huge,�and...�not�in�a�TV?
This�is�the�greatest�day of�my�life!
That's�right,
and�I�brought some�extra�doggie�might!
[howling�deafeningly]
I�told�you�my�plan�would�work!
Because�the�invention you�refused
will�now�end�your�ass!
Pack�attack!
[smashing]
[reverse�alerts�beeping]
Wait,�this�isn't�right.
You�guys�are�good.
Canada's�yelper�helpers.
[slapshot�cracking]
[monstrous�roaring]
[RCM-PC]�Breakaway,�no!
Breakaway,�yes!
And�now for�the�reason�I'm�here.
Kibble! Make�bow-wow�now!
[growling]
No! Let�me�down!
I�offered�you�the�chance to�control�these�creatures,
but�you�turned�me�down,
and�now�Canada�and�the�world
will�be�my�bitch!
[snarling]
Bad�choice�of�words�there, Sparkles.
You�give�me�$100�million�in�cash by�this�time�tomorrow,
or�your�precious�leader�is�dead,
and�don't�think�about coming�after�me!
[evil�cackling]
Smokebomb�escape!
-[Masyn]�Copy�that,�Master! -[Dr.�Garburator�cackling]
Okay,�Pack,�let's�head�on�back!
[tires�screeching, horns�beeping]
[coughing�and�spluttering]
Super�Team�Canada,�let's�go.
Breakaway,�you�know�everything about�those�dumb�dog�things.
How�can�we�stop�them?
Breakaway?
[RCM-PC]�Oh,�no!
[crashing]
[scanner�whirring] He's�alive,�but�barely.
We�must�get�him�to�a�hospital.
You�and�Sask�take�him.
The�rest�of�us will�go�after�the�P.M.
[???]
[geese�honking]
[Dr.�Garburator] My�invisible�camouflage�dome
is�working�perfectly.
No�one�will�ever�find�us!
It's�an�issue�with�the�mail.
We're�working�on�it.
If�someone�wants�trouble,
look�under�the�bubble!
[laughing]
[dogs�howling]
[muttering]�Oh,�Jesus�Christ, these�rhymes...
Time�is�running�out,�"boss".
Have�you�reconsidered�my�offer?
I've�told�you�a�hundred�times,
I�will�not�take�you�to�the�prom,
and�we�don't�negotiate with�terrorists!
Super�Team�Canada�will�stop�you,
and�if�you�kill�me, you�get�nothing.
Which�is�exactly�what�will�be left�of�our�country
if�I�unleash�my�friends�again-
Bupkiss!
Why�don't�you think�about�things...
in�the�hole!
[inhaling]
[blowing�whistle,�dogs�howling]
No!
I�don't�think�he...�digs�it.
[laughing]
That's�a�knee-slapper!
Jacques�merde!
How�can�five�giant�cartoons
and�an�even�bigger�asshole just�disappear?
Keep�looking!
RCM-PC,�status�report.
[RCM-PC]�Still�no�response,
but�I�don't�think the�restaurant�opens
until�3:00.
Not�for�lunch!
Breakaway?
No�change.
If�your�friend�wasn't wearing�that�hockey�helmet
and�five�athletic�cups,
he�would�be�dead.
However,�he�has�been�whispering
one�strange�thing-
"Egg�salad."
Any�idea�why?
Egg�salad?
No�clue,�but�we'll�run�it through�the�super�computer-
Oh,�no,�you�won't!
Do�you�have�my�money, Super�Idiots?
Because�the�country and�the�P.M.
are�rapidly running�out�of�time!
[RCM-PC]�You�filthy�fiend!
How�do�we�stop�this�guy?
[Dr.�Garburator] Let�me�save�you�some�time.
Nothing�can,
but�perhaps you�need�another�example
of�my�Poochies'�powers.
You�see�Parliament�Hill over�there?
Well,�you�won't in�five�minutes!
[laughing�maniacally]
Ah,�if�only�we�knew which�direction
those�doggy�dicks are�coming�from!
[muttering]�Egg�salad... Egg�salad...
[RCM-PC] Yes,�Breakaway,�egg�salad.
Wait,�I�know�the�view that�crazy�guy�just�showed�you,
it's�from a�huge�abandoned�lot...
where�I�buried my�smart�twin�sister
after�I�stole�her�identity to�get�into�medical�school...
Five�minutes�from�Parliament!
[Chinook] Which�could�be�big�enough
to�hold�a�giant invisible�dog�clubhouse�thing!
Egg�salad,�egg�salad...
[RCM-PC]�Yes,�friend.
We'll�make�you�as�much disgusting�egg�salad
as�you�want
after�we�save�the�P.M. and�our�country.
Let's�roll!
[ceiling�smashing]
[panicked�screaming]
[Dr.�Garburator] Yes,�my�sweet�mutts!
Destroy!
Make�them�literally�pay!
[Chinook] Give�it�up,�Garburator,
you�and�your�heinous�hounds!
This�is�your�final�warning!
Ah,�Super�Team�Canada,
I�don't�know how�you�tracked�me,
but�it's�too�late.
Rumble!�Give�them�a-
[reluctantly]�Oh,�my�god.
-tumble.
Give�them�a�tumble,�Rumble.
Rumble,�give�them�a�tumble.
Huh?
[roaring]
[Dr.�Garburator] How�predictable.
You�forget I�had�top-secret�clearance.
I�know�everything�about�you,
including all�of�your�lame�tactics.
Masyn,�end�these�pests!
Because...�we're�the�best.
You�do�better, you�do�better�then.
Copy,�Doc.
Pooch�Pack, full-on�Hound�Attack!
[roaring�battle�cries]
[spitting]
[screaming]
Ha,�ha,�ha,�ha!�Yeah!
[dogs�howling]
Now�do�you�see�the�power
you�could�have�had
if�you�had�just�listened�to�me?
Now�destroy�Parliament!
And�we�all�know�nothing�rhymes with�"Parliament"!
[Breakaway] Not�so�fast,�Jack�plus�ass!
Okay,�not�the�best�pun,
but�I�did�almost�die under�a�toilet.
Breakaway?�But�how?
Three�words- "Ice�cold�rectal�thermometer."
Time�to�kick�you and�your�cartoon�buddies'�asses.
And�how�do�you�propose to�do�that?
Because�in�all�your�planning,
you�didn't�plan�on�this!
Egg�salad!
[yelping�and�whimpering]
What�the�hell�is�happening?
Stop�goofing�around and�kill�him!
It�burns,�it�burns!
Burns?�That�sounds�awful!
As�the�number-one�fan of�Pooch�Pack,
I�know�everything�about�them.
Like�in�Episode�357,
"Rumble's�Tummy�Grumbles",
at�the�camp-out�in�the�woods,
it�revealed
that�the�entire�Pooch�Pack
hates�egg�salad.
Impossible!
My�job�gave�me�access
to�all�the�information on�the�show!
Correct,
but�the�Canadian Egg�Salad�Board
used�their�incredible political�power
to�have�this�episode�removed
and�all�records�of�it�destroyed,
except�this�record- [smacking�helmet]
And�now,�on�behalf�of�Canada,
your�evil�plan�sucked,
and�you're�all�pucked!
[egg�splatting]
[whining]
[screaming�in�agony]
[screaming�and�howling]
[Masyn]�Oh,�god,�it�burns!
Ah!�[crunching]
[bodies�thudding]
Ah!�I�can't�see!
For�a�really�gross�reason!
Yes,�through the�unmistakable�tang
of�Dijon-mustard�justice.
[screaming]
This�sucks!
[thudding]
[P.M.]�Super�Team�Canada, I�don't�know�what�to�say
besides�thank�you for�saving�me
and�our�nation.
Don't�thank�us, thank�Breakaway.
If�it�weren't�for�him,
we'd�be�slaves to�that�horrible�Dr.�Garburator.
I�told�you�that�the�show had�its�benefits.
And�I�think�we've�all�learned
that�Canada�can�make world-class�cartoon�if�they�try,
and�no�longer�need�to�rely�on cranking�out�weak�garbage
for�tax�credit.
[???]
[???]
[gentle�muzak�playing]
Super�Team�Canada!
Oh,�you�guys�are�the�best!
I'm�so�happy�my�body�needs�food,
so�I�was�here�to�see�you!
I�love�you!
Will�you�sign�my�baby?
Is�it�mine?
-Mm-mm. -Then�okay!
I've�followed�your�career since�you�were�a�mailbox!
Any�advice for�my�mailbox�at�home?
[RCM-PC]�Well,�I�guess�I'd�say
treat�every�letter like�it's�First-Class,�and-
[voice�on�loudspeaker] Attention,�shoppers!
This�is�the�Prime�Minister of�Canada.
[crowds�shouting�and�jeering] Boo!
[P.M.]�First,�I'm�proud to�announce�a�razor�sale
in�the�lady-grooming�section...
-Yes! -���������[P.M.]�Second,
Super�Team�Canada!
Your�superhero�licence is�about�to�be�annulled!
Annulled?
You�guys�won't�be�official?
[baby�cooing]
What�aisle�are�baby�wipes�in?
Wha-?
[baby�crying]
If�your�licence�is�not�renewed
by�the�end�of�the�day,
it's�revoked,
and�it�needs�to�be�voked!
Can't�you do�something�about�it?
Yeah,�aren't�you in�government?
Like,�maybe at�the�highest�level?
I�don't�know�how�it�works.
I�always�hated�social�studies.
So,�what�do�we�do?
Something?
That'll�never�work!
[P.M.]�You�have�to�go to�a�government�office-
Oh,�and�if�someone's drawn�a�mustache�on�my�portrait,
can�you�send�me�a�pic?
I�always�dreamed�of�growing�one,
then�I�was�gonna�rent�one,
but�that's�just throwing�money�away,�you�know?
[chuckling] Renting�a�moustache?
Now�go!
You�have�seven�hours�left!
Your�licence�is�expiring
because�one�of�you may�not�be�Canadian.
[snapping�picture]
Uh,�can�you�be�more�specific?
Yes,�I�can.
I'm�working�on�being more�agreeable,
and�succeeding!
We're�missing the�birth�certificate
of�one�"Sasquatchewan".
I�assume�that's�you?
Really? You�think�I'm�a�Sasquatch?
Well,�I�know�it's�not�him.
His�legs�are�cleanly�shaven.
Very�sweet�of�you�to�notice.
Uh,�Sask is�the�other�hairy�monster.
[chuckling]�Easy�mistake.
Of�course.
This�would�have�been much�easier
if�you�were�born�before�1995.
Back�then,
we�tagged every�wild�creature...
[goose�honking]
...but�after�the�budget�crisis,
we�had�to�choose between�plastic�tags
or�spellchecking�"Stop"�signs.
[tires�screeching]
[car�crashing]
[Poutine]�Okay, Forest�Fabio�isn't�legal,
but�without�our�licence,
we�can't�be�heroes�anymore.
I'm�not�going�back to�selling�timeshares.
I'm�not.
So,�what�do�we�do�now?
Something?
That'll�never�work!
That�question is�too�open-ended.
Uh,�you're�pretty�useless, aren't�you?
Yes.
Oh,�agreeable�again!
[RCM-PC] Good�to�be�home,�Sask?
[grunting�chuckle]
[grunting]
I'm�sure�your�mom has�proof�of�your�citizenship.
Moms�keep�everything.
Yeah,�including�a�grudge.
Sorry,�this�isn't�about�me.
[bitterly]�It�never�is.
[groaning�excitedly]
[knocking]
[Sask�chuckling�happily]
[grunting�language]
[belching�loudly�and�groaning]
[body�thudding�heavily]
[extended�farting]
She's�drunk�as�a�skunk.
Yeah,�but�she�doesn't�smell as�nice.
[grunting�sadly]
[belch�transition]
[RCM-PC] She's�been�drinking�a�lot
since�she�left Sask's�father�a�few�weeks�ago.
I�heard�he�was...�unfaithful.
How�did�you�hear�that?
[RCM-PC]�I'm�a�robot.
I�collect�data using�every�modern�technology.
[grunting�gossip]
[RCM-PC] I�believe�I�have�mahjong.
[grunting�and�grumbling]
We�can't�just�sit�around and�wait�for�her�to�sober�up.
We�need�our�licences,
and�we�don't�have a�lot�of�time�left.
[splashing]
Plus,�this�place smells�like�burnt�urine.
Yeah,�burnt, but�then�reheated.
Yes,�but�not�boiled,
just�to�a�simmer.
What�about�Sask's�father?
Maybe�if�we�can�find�him, he'll�have�some�proof.
Great�idea,
and�great�job�to�me on�complimenting�it.
Ha�ha!�Let's�go!
[grunting�and�snoring and�belching]
[Chinook]�Uh, somebody�should�probably�stay
and�make�sure�boozy�bear doesn't�choke�on�her�vomit,
or�kidney.
Yeah,�but�we�need�Sask to�come.
So,�we'll�have�to�choose the�way�we�always�do.
[???]
[Chinook]�Paper!
[RCM-PC]�Scissors!
-[Breakaway]�Scissors! -[Poutine]�Poutine!
[Breakaway]�Snip.
[sighing]�Oh...
My�fingers�won.
They're�geniuses.
Adios,�loser!
Does�this�mean�poutine isn't�always�the�answer?
[starting�engine]
[loud�belching]
She�belches�in�her�sleep,
like�something out�of�a�fairy�tale.
Now�you�want�me�to�locate an�estranged�Sasquatch?
If�I�ever�get�invited to�a�dinner�party,
I�plan�to�use�this as�small�talk.
[RCM-PC] If�we�find�Sask's�father,
maybe�he�could�help�us,
and�help�Sask�to�understand why�his�dad�left.
[sad�growling]
Okay,
I'm�going�to�do�something
I'm�not�supposed�to�do-
be�of�assistance.
[typing]
Your�father's last�known�address
from�satellite�photos,
and�him�once�ordering tube�socks�on�Amazon.
[excited�growling]
[camera�snapping, sasquatch�growling]
[camera�snapping]
[grunting�in�delight]
[farting�and�growling�laughter]
[grunting�language]
Yeah!
[tearing�tape,�snapping�photo]
You�care�more�about�money than�your�own�son?
[grunting�language]
Anyone�understand? Me�no�hablo�Italianese.
[RCM-PC]�According�to my�translator,
he�loves�Sask,
but�seeing�him�reminds�him
of�how�he�ruined�their�family by�cheating.
Earning�money convinces�him�he�has�worth,
if�not�self-worth,
and�he�can't�give�that�up.
Okay,�jerk,
we�don't�want�to�keep�you from�your�self-pity.
We�just�need�some�proof Sask�is�Canadian.
Do�you�have�any?
[grunting�language]
[RCM-PC]�There�may�be something�back�at�the�hut,
but�he�can't�go�back�there.
Too�painful.
Tough�crap,�he's�going,
or�it's�gonna�get really�painful.
[growling]
I�don't�need�help,�Sask.
I've�beaten�up�fathers�before,
dads�and�priests.
[groaning]
[grunting�language]
[RCM-PC]�Sask�is�trying to�protect�you�and�his�father.
[groaning]
[angry�grunting�language]
[snarling�and�grunting]
[crunching]
[camera�snapping]
[grunting�and�snarling]
[RCM-PC]�Wait,�wait! Break�it�up!
We�don't�have�time�for�this.
I�know�facing�your�wife can't�be�easy,
but�if�you�do,
your�son�can�prove he's�Canadian,
and�continue�to�be�a�superhero.
Your�son,�a�superhero!
[grunting�thoughtfully]
[RCM-PC]�It�may�not fix�things,
but�at�least�it�shows some�effort.
[both�grunting]
Poutine, we're�back�with�help!
[gasping]
[chuckling�awkwardly]�Hey,�uh...
you�should�have,�uh,�called.
You...�caught�us...
by,�uh,�surprise.
Oh,�you�didn't.
I�did,
just�like�with�you. [chuckling�awkwardly]
Clearly,�I�have�a�type.
[growling�language]
[roaring]
[growling�and�crunching]
Why�so�upset?
Is�this�about�me banging�your�mother?
Sask,�no!
[all�grunting�and�struggling]
We�haven't�met,
but�I�assume
this�is�about�me banging�your�wife?
[grunting�and�crunching]
Now�this�I�understand.
She's�trying�to�initiate a�threesome.
[gasping]
And�frankly,�I'm�not not�into�it.
We�have�to�break�this�up.
We're�running�out�of�time!
Yeah,�just�not�sure who�to�choke.
Enough!�We�have a�government�licence�to�renew.
Maybe�the�lamest superhero�thing�ever�said.
[RCM-PC]�Sask, can�either�of�your�parents
somehow�prove�you're�Canadian?
[grunting�language]
[grunting�replies]
Okay,�I'm�having�a�hard�time following�here.
Is�this�threesome happening�or�what?
[grunting�language]
[RCM-PC] Sask's�mother�has�nothing.
She�says�any�proof was�thrown�away
just�like�how�he�threw�away their�marriage.
Now�there's�some�name-calling,
something�about�her never�putting�the�cap
on�their�toothpaste,
and�she�really�dislikes his�sister.
[Sask�grunting�in�distress]
[sobbing�grunting]
[RCM-PC]�He�says,�"Listen, I�know�you�hate�each�other,
but�there's�one�thing maybe�you�both�love.
Me,�right?"
He's�saying�he�knows both�their�lives�are�garbage,
but�now�he�has�a�chance
to�be�the�first�one in�the�family
that's�not�a�total�loser.
Don't�they�want�that�for�him?
[both�grunting�shortly]
[RCM-PC]�He�says, "Also�now,�they're�even."
The�dad�cheated with�a�hairy�beast,
and�now�the�mom�did�the�same.
[both�groaning]
[smooching]
[sloppy�slathering]
How�about�we�add�a�little cheese�to�that�sandwich?
[grunting]
A�tag!
We�found�proof!
Now�to�the�clerk's�office to�complete�our�paperwork!
Actually,
that�may�be�the�lamest superhero�thing�ever�said.
Oh,�she�didn't�do�that�for�me.
[chuckling] I�sure�didn't�do�that�for�her.
Your�parents are�very�generous�lovers.
[flattered�grunting]
[squeaking�against�glass]
[Niagara�Falls]�See? They�have�tags.
That�proves�they're�Canadian.
Fine, but�there's�still�no�proof
that�he�is�their�child.
[RCM-PC]�We�anticipated�you saying�that.
Here's�their�DNA...
lots�of�it.
I'm�going�to�trust�you.
[coughing]
Renewed.
Great�job getting�your�licence�renewed.
Is�there�anything you�guys�can't�do?
Get�these�stains out�of�the�back�seat?
Yes,�as�the�Bible�said,
"Sasquatch�sex has�a�powerful�musk."
[Sask�grunting]
Maybe�we�can�just�get a�new�van?
Not�in�the�budget.
There�are�a�lot�of�other�things much�higher�priority.
[tires�screeching]
[car�crashing]
[P.M.�sighing]
Supposed�to�be�"Stop".
[car�crashing]
[???]
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