Original subtitles

Magic is real here, far away from home.

Anything can happen when witches make the rules.

Monsters are cool, the moon is our friend.

I want to stay with you on Summer Camp Island.

Hedgehog?

Hedgehog! It's time to wake up!

Five more minutes.

Hedgehog! Too early for witch lessons, Susie.

Hedgehog!

98 .6.

Your fever finally broke.

Looks like someone can take a walk to the mailbox.

What? To mail the check.

For your new boarding school.

It's more ceremonious if you do it.

Wait. When did I leave the island?

Island? Oh, you had a fever dream. I'll get you some water.

Boarding school?

What is happening?

Oh, Oscar!

Hi, you've reached Oscar Pelcher. I'm currently attending a softball camp in

Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

But you probably already know that because you're a hedgehog, and you're

only one I gave this number to.

So go ahead, leave a message, feel free to ramble.

I got 90 minutes of tape, and I expect messages on both sides.

Which are my... Milwaukee?

What am I doing in New Jersey?

It's with my mother, of all people.

Am I in a nightmare?

This has to be some kind of test.

A witch's rite of passage.

A passage away from my mother.

So I must have to get back to the island somehow.

I can do a spell.

Pencil of lead, supplies of school.

Take me back to where witches rule.

Why didn't that work?

What happened to my magic?

Maybe this is more of a witch's quest, and I've got to look for clues or some

kind of magic key.

Hedgehog, stop that.

Those supplies are for studying.

Not for making believe or whatever this mess is.

Now drink this.

I have to leave for Princeton.

I've got my performance review with Dean Stewart in the library, and I cannot be

late. He's a real stick in the mud.

Stewart? Library?

Mud? I mean, stick in the mud? Mom!

Mom! Mother!

I'm coming with you!

You always say I need to spend more time around people with patches on their

elbows. I can mail the check while we're out.

Well... Okay.

It's nice to see you showing some initiative for once.

Could you drive any slower?

I forgot to try a magic circle.

Hmm. Maybe I am in a nightmare.

Oh, I have to stop for gas. Ow!

Hedgehog! I'm driving!

Hey, what do you do, sisters?

Premium gas, right?

For a couple of beautiful ladies such as yourself.

Unleaded, please.

Thank you.

Yeah, you got it, boss.

Susie, hi.

This is crazy. It feels so real.

So do you give me a magic key to get back to the island? What am I supposed

do when I see Stuart?

Who you calling Susie?

Oh, okay.

Big Suze.

Oh, butter lip.

Hey, Little M, get out here. We got a gum job.

Now, gum removal's gonna be a couple extra bucks, ma 'am.

All right, let me get a couple of classy cats.

What are you, heading to the fancy university?

You're gonna pass this gorgeous peach stand a few miles up.

You gotta get one.

But what do I know? I'm just some dumb kid who grew up in New Jersey.

Here you go. Now be on your way. But listen, he's peaching.

Thank you. I'm getting hungry just thinking about him. Hey, don't forget

what I said about the peaches.

Peach.

So I have to get a magical peach and... Hedgehog, please.

Magic peaches?

You're just like your grandma with your magical thinking.

That woman just gardened all the time.

No drive, no vision.

But you won't be like that hedgehog.

You're on a schedule for success.

Right, right.

Of course, they aren't magic, but could we stop for a regular peach?

I'm sure they have vitamins in them that are good for your brain or whatever.

No. We're on a tight schedule, remember?

Your life is waiting.

Please, it'll be quick.

No. Mom!

Hedgehog, we can get peaches another time.

Oh, wow.

Mom, this is a nice purse.

I'm thinking I might get one like this when I go to boarding school.

I wonder how this leather looks in the sunlight.

Hedgehog, be careful.

Oops. Hedgehog!

Unbelievable.

Welcome to Moe's, where we're only as good as our worst peach.

Uh, hi.

Where's the elf that runs this peach stand?

The... Oh, no.

No, I'm the one that manages the peaches.

That's just our mascot.

Big red nose, tiny little legs, nearly impossible to convey in three

I think she makes people think of peaches.

So this is not a clue.

I can see you want the inside scoop on how our mascot came to be.

Person who tells it best is the owner.

Hey, Mo!

I'm Mo.

How might Mo be observant?

Oh, my gosh. Hi!

It's so good to see you. And we are delighted to see you, too.

So, do I order a peach?

Well, if you're going to order one, you should make it this one.

Whoa. Okay.

So, what do I do with it?

We recommend eating the peach.

We recommend eating it, yes.

Right now?

What about Stuart?

Absolutely.

Give the peach to Stuart.

A peach makes a fine gift.

Fine gift, fine gift indeed.

Okay. So I have to get Stuart to eat the peach.

That's my mission.

That's how I get home.

Hedgehog, spare the nice people you're imagining. Let's go.

Don't think I don't see you.

No more stops till Princeton.

You need to listen to your mummy.

She's the only one on the car that's actually been through boarding school.

Who cares about boarding school?

I've flown a broom, Mom.

I've explored frozen time.

I put a little boy's soul into a unicorn.

And vice versa.

You need to check yourself before you wreck yourself, young lady.

There'll be none of this woo -woo unicorn nonsense in front of the dean.

Understood? Yes, Mother.

Please keep in mind Stuart is my boss.

Don't embarrass me.

No woo -woo unicorn nonsense.

Got it.

But I will be feeding you to the dean.

Ah, you're here.

Late, of course, and you brought your child in a pathetic bid for sympathy

points. Strike two.

Dean, Stuart, I'm sorry.

Since none of this is real, can we just...

Huh?

Just what?

You know why I'm here.

I know why I'm here.

Now just eat the peach you stick in the mud so I can go back to camp.

Hedgehog! What's gotten into you?

Eat it!

All right.

All right!

Yes. Take me home, baby.

Oh, no.

This is just a regular peach.

And you're just a regular dean of Princeton.

Dean Stewart, I... Sorry!

Is this really just my life?

You mushrooms don't talk?

Not even a pea?

You are in a world of trouble, young lady.

Do you realize the penalty for peaching the dean?

You can't play pretend forever.

Magic and witches and unicorns aren't going to save you from the mundanity of

real life.

Maybe she's right.

Mother's always right.

Now show me you're listening and mail the check.

So this void is my mother's plan for me.

School, college, a job.

No magic or witches or unicorn saving me from the mundanity of real life.

But what if they could?

If magic doesn't exist, I'll bring it into the world myself.

I'll take this $800 and move to New York City.

I know the rituals. I know the spells.

I'll probably have no friends and have to eat baked beans for a little while,

but I'll get a coven together eventually.

The key.

Hedgehog, what are you doing?

Hedgehog, no!

Hedgehog?

You know, if you stop crushing me, I'll give you your wand.

Holy mush!

I'm a full witch?

One wand for one peach.

Where's the peach?

You got the peach, didn't you?

Well, leave it to Hedgehog to miss the most obvious... Oh, thank goodness.

Wasn't worried.

Behold.

Hardly ever get to say behold anymore.

Nice work, kiddo.

Oh, my gosh.

Thanks, Big Suze.

Who are you calling Big Suze?

Wait, is there a bite taken out of this?

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