Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

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(female #1) I thought I remember that weekend really clearly.

Now, I'm not so sure.

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[clattering]

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[birds screeching]

[splash]

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(male #1) So when did they reply?

(female #2) I think it was, um, last weekend.

(male #1) Didn't realize she'd actually sent it.

So, um, what did she say?

- 'What?' - In the letter?

'She said, you know, they'd be here around 6:00.'

Yeah, but, I mean, what else did she say?

'Uh, about what?'

- About everything? - 'Everything?'

[chuckles] 'What would you expect from them, a novel?'

Come on, you know what I mean, I mean, did she say

uh, uh, how they were? How they were coping?

'Mm, no.'

'It was just a quick thanks for the invite'

'uh, estimated time of arrival.'

'You can read it yourself. It's in the studio.'

Hey.

- W-what? - It will be fine.

They're your closest friends.

I'm the one who should be nervous.

'They barely know me.'

Well..

[sighs]

I-I don't know what I'm gonna say.

I don't.. What are we supposed to say to them?

'You know, the usual.'

We usually talk about what we're doing.

Our work, you know. But Grant's not even working anymore.

- 'He's teaching, isn't he?' - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's, he's not painting though.

Well, you know, he's teaching at a special needs school.

'Well, that's a great thing to do--'

Yes, no, I-I..

You know what, this is a bad idea.

I should never have let you send that letter.

You say, "Hello, it's lovely to see you. Thanks for coming."

And everything else will follow.

'Just relax.'

Well, I-I've..

I, uh..

[sighs]

[engine revving]

(female #1) 'You said this T-junction was coming up two minutes ago.'

- 'Yeah, well--' - 'That was 20 minutes ago.'

(male #2) 'Scale of this thing is all up the creek.'

'We're on roads that are just vague'

'wandering spidery black lines.'

(female #1) 'No, no, we're here. It's the T-junction.'

(male #2) 'What does this sign say?'

It says, uh, "Upper Mank, a mile and a half."

Um, what's left?

Well, we're not going left. You said go right.

Yeah, I know, but what is left?

- Lower Mank. - Mank, Jesus.

Who lives in a place called Lower Mank?

Okay, but it is right

and Ebony is about five miles past Upper--

- 'Mank?' - 'Indeed.'

(female #1) 'So do you want me to take this right?'

- 'Yeah.' - 'Great.'

[revving]

(female #1) 'Well, hang on a second. Wait a second.'

That's, that's a left

and that's a signpost for Ebony.

No, but it says it's straight on.

[sighs] Well, what do you want me to do?

'Do you want me to, do you want me to turn around?'

I-I don't know. It's up to you.

No, please, don't do that, okay?

Just don't do that. You're the one with the map.

Okay, just go straight--

[screams] Shit!

[tires screeching]

[engine revving]

What?

[sighs]

Well done.

Don't forget.

Just 'cause he's got a big house, a big car, and a big ego

he's still the same old tosspot we knew at art school.

So "Hello, tosspot," is my opening line?

[chuckles] I think that would be pretty understandable

under the circumstances.

- Oi, oi! - Okay, let's go.

- Hello, strange people. - 'Easy to find.'

Ah, hello. Have you had a bad trip?

- Easy to find. - 'Well, there are signposts.'

'I mean, did you get the map?'

What? The one that said we're easy to find?

I guess that would be the one. Hello.

Three days we've been traveling.

No, you have not been traveling for three days.

No, we haven't, but it feels like it.

Where the bloody hell are we, anyway?

I didn't even know what country I'm in anymore.

Happy birthday.

Yeah, happy birthday.

You don't look a day over 45.

But no, I'm not, I'm not a day over 45. Get, get in there.

We have this absolutely refreshing conversation already.

- Ah! Welcome. - I was gonna ask directions.

But nobody else seems to live in this time zone.

Oh, come on, it's not that bad. You know, we got a rock star

who lives down the road who's not actually dead.

As in, Oh, him, I thought he was dead.

And, uh, there's a couple that breeds geckos.

- As in? - No, little lizard guys.

You know, big feet. I don't know why but, uh--

- Sticking to walls, I think. - No, no, no.

I don't know why they breed them.

It's too cold here, really.

They should be in Spain, I think.

Come on up. I don't know where Freya's got to.

Freya.

Hey. Hey, guys. I-I'll come round.

(male #1) 'Come on through. Let's race her.'

'I think she'll lose.'

'Ah, anyway, listen, come along. It's not far now.'

'I've got a couple of Sherpas waiting for me'

'at the next hideout.'

'Should be good.'

Well, this is beautiful.

(male #1) 'I hope it's worth it for you.'

[sighs]

- 'Hey.' - Hi.

Hi, good to see you.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hey, hi. - Hi.

- You get here okay? - Easy to find.

- Oh, no, he's off again, yeah. - Well, you're here now.

Is the loo easy to find?

Oh, I'll escort you personally.

(male #2) 'Thank you.'

There you go.

Uh, hi.

So, uh, sorry about Freya.

Um, when she's got a bee in her bonnet, she's, uh

she's determined to see things through.

Oh, it was, it was, um

a big smiley face of a letter.

Yeah, right. Sorry about that.

- Are you okay? - Getting there.

Uh, can I get you anything?

Big alcohol.

- Black Russian. - 'Heavy on the Russian.'

Well, it is lovely to see you.

[chuckles]

Black Russian comin' up.

[sighs]

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[gasps] You..

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[Freya laughs]

(male #1) 'Madam.'

(male #2) 'Wow.'

(female #1) This looks great.

That is incredible.

Amazing.

Sorry, w-what is this?

Well, now I'll give you three guesses.

And if you can't guess, I'll help you.

- Okay, um-- - 'Kangaroo.'

Yes, very, very close.

Very, very close, it's actually confit of duck

or a duck carpaccio with rice crispies.

[laughter]

* The truth about words is *

* They never quite reach us *

* With a meaning intended *

* They start as impulse *

* To make connections *

* And good intentions *

* They leave our lips *

* Travel in breath *

* Drop like stones *

- Hey, hey, Grant? - Whoa, whoa.

* Into the waters 'tween our ears *

* Disturbing our fears *

Happy birthday.

* And that's the truth *

Damn, I was going to buy you a CD.

[laughs]

* About words **

Oh, no, no, come on, you shouldn't have done this.

- I know. - Thank you.

(male #1) 'Okay..'

(Freya) 'Oh, wow.'

This is beautiful.

- This is really beautiful. - Spoilt boy.

(male #2) 'It works.'

Why, you remember that film we made?

- Ah, no way. - 'Is that it?'

- Yep. - I thought it was lost.

- 'Can we see it?' - We found it when we moved.

- Uh, I, um.. - Oh, come on.

Come on, please.

Please, please, please, please.

- I think she wants to see it. - 'Please.'

Yes.

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(Dean) '...just follow the single-track wheelbarrow line'

'all the way down the road'

over the field, right?

And to this idiot's garage.

- There you go. - There we are.

Sorry, love. We were just reminiscing.

No, don't be silly. I love hearing about it.

Dean never tells me anything.

So how did you guys find this place?

I, I thought you'd never leave Oxford.

I found it, actually, in a magazine.

Properties with great potential.

Uh, it seemed like a great opportunity.

You know, I'd always wanted to live by the sea.

- What? Since when? - What?

Silence of the crabs.

- Oh, no. - What is this?

Yeah, thank you. You never forget a thing, do you?

(Grant) 'We all went on this camping trip'

'to the Catalan coast, sort of, uh'

I don't know, post-college last bit of fun

before real life sets in kind of thing.

And we get there at, I don't know

some ridiculous hour in the morning.

It takes ages to get the tents up.

We're just going off to sleep and suddenly

his head pokes into our tent saying

"Oh, guys, guys, the crabs, they're keeping me awake."

- What were they doing? - They were having a rave.

(Grant) 'They weren't doing anything untoward.'

They were just scuttling occasionally

'cause they are fucking crabs, you know.

Oh, it was a weird sound, I tell you.

You could park a Harley Davidson next to Dean

and he'll sleep through it, but a small crustacean

taking his evening perambulation around the cove.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry. What did you say? Perambula--

(Grant) 'Perambulation around the cove.'

- 'You are totally freaked out.' - Yeah.

So yeah, go on. You always wanted to live by the sea.

- Five syllables. - I know.

He's fantastic.

[laughing]

* The truth about words is *

* They live much longer *

* Then you'd imagine *

* They live in shadows *

* Hide in furrows *

* Lying dormant *

* They fall asleep in the backs of our minds *

* We're tired and remote *

* Then startle awake *

* They hang in the air *

* The way that stones don't *

* That's the truth *

(Freya) 'So the room you're in was her sewing room.'

* About words **

1920 or so.

'So anyway, Rose, she was married'

'to the local, um, clergyman'

but she never went to any of the functions.

She was just an artist.

I mean, there were all kinds of stories.

But she made these beautiful, beautiful quilts.

'And one Easter, everyone's decorating the church'

'you know, with fruit and veg'

'homemade decorations, all sorts--'

Oh, yeah, no, this is just like a nonsense story.

(Freya) 'Yeah, but it's true. I'm pretty sure it's true.'

- Okay. - W-what happened?

Well, Rose has completed this huge quilt

and she hangs it up in the middle of the church

hanging right down in the middle of the congregation

so that it can be unveiled during mass.

- He must have approved it. - 'What?'

(Grant) 'Oh, sorry, the vicar. He must have seen it.'

Oh, yeah, he had. I mean, it was just an image of rural life.

'It was a circle of people from the very young, top left'

going all the way round to the very old folks, top right.

I've seen a picture of it in the local library.

It's like Bruegel on acid.

Oh, yeah, Bruegel on acid. Like he didn't have enough problems.

(Freya) 'So the next day at the end'

'of "All Things Bright And Beautiful"'

this person unveils the quilt

'but it had a backing sheet as well.'

So as he pulled the rope, both sheets fell.

And on one side of this quilt, it was like rural idyll

and on the other, it was like a small-town Dante's "Inferno."

I mean, all the villagers were revealed

'for who they really were.'

Lying, torturing, raping

'appalling little people and all recognizable.'

I mean, each villager's likeness had been perfectly captured.

Wow, that is so bizarre.

No, no. I mean, on one side of the church

everyone laughed and applauded.

And then on the other, it was just appalled silence.

What happened to Rose?

(Freya) 'Well, apparently, um'

her husband, the clergyman

he came home to find her in her room.

She'd drunk chlorine.

Sorry, this is where we're sleeping tonight?

Well, yeah, but it was a long, long time ago.

You know, the, the house was abandoned shortly after that

and it was a wreck by the time it came to us.

You know, but the, the builders were great

'and they pulled it together really, really quickly.'

I mean, we had a housewarming party.

Everybody brought paintbrushes and then we had a kind of a

'bring-your-own-bottle-of-turps party.'

I'm sorry we couldn't come.

Oh, don't be stupid, you know. You were, you were..

[chuckles] You, you..

It's okay, uh..

When Jacob..

...died..

...uh, we just withdrew.

'We got your letter and the invite. Uh, we just..'

We couldn't speak.

I, I know. I'm sorry.

You know, when I was at college, I was, um

I was really very unsure of myself.

Grant was the rock.

That's why I wanted to be with him.

But, uh, uh, when he came back from the hospital

even, even he was just completely..

...lost.

Yeah, well, don't be so sure

I knew what I was doing at art school.

It was mostly bluff.

I remember him, you know, at art school in the drawing room.

He used to sit in the corner all sort of, uh, moody

and Brando and, uh, we'd all be in the middle

'you know, flailing around, trying to out-cool each other'

'you know, with half-baked politics and stuff.'

And every now and again from the touchline

he would lob in a small hand grenade of observation.

Look at the, uh.. What? Uh, uh, what, what?

Looks between us and then just like go back to what

he was doing, you know, watching pigeons screw on the roof

'something like that...cool.'

(Grant) 'It was a long, long time ago.'

(Dean) 'Ah, the '80s. Don't you just miss 'em?'

(Grant) 'The decade that taste forgot.'

[indistinct chatter]

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[birds chirping]

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[creaking]

[laughter]

She must have taken all their guilt onto herself.

What was that? What?

Rose, the girl who made the quilt.

'She must have felt that she could rebalance everything.'

Take in all their sins and by killing herself, take them away.

I think she was just trying to help.

I don't think suicide..

I think she was probably just disturbed.

Oh, chlorine, you said?

She bleached them all away.

Clean slate.

Oh, no, come on. Come on.

[sobbing]

Don't worry. I-I think we'll just hit the sack.

I'm so sorry. I don't know what's come over me.

It's okay. It's a long day. Come on.

[instrumental music]

[hurried footsteps]

Is she okay?

Yeah, I think she was okay for a couple of days in 1983.

[chuckles]

'Listen, I'm sorry about the film.'

What? Why?

'Well, you know.'

It's all, it's all a load of old rubbish, really, isn't it?

I thought it was a lovely gift.

Oh, you didn't mind then?

Why would I mind?

- Ah! - What's that?

It's, it's just a bit sensitive there.

- Hmm, does it hurt? - It's nothing.

- You should go to the doctor's. - It's nothing, really.

I've probably just stressed out a muscle or something.

Alright, alright. Well, you take care of yourself.

[instrumental music]

(Freya) 'I'm sorry about the Rose story.'

When I started it, I forgot how it ended.

Oh, never mind, we can't go a whole weekend

tiptoeing around every sensitive subject.

Why did you and Christine split up?

Ah, you see? I know I shouldn't have shown you that film.

No, it's fine. It's just, well..

You never really talk about Amber

and you guys and all that.

Well, I mean, it was so long ago. It's like another life.

It's like a dream or something.

Why did you guys split up?

We're never really together, you know.

We-we went out, the four of us, when I was with Amber.

But sometimes with other people.

We were all rather free and easy about all that.

Really? Christine seems pretty serious.

I can't imagine her being so frivolous.

Well, I think she's got a little harder over the years.

So no regrets then?

Sure.

I regret not investing in Google when I had that tip-off.

[chuckles]

You know what I mean.

Everything in the past is dead.

I'm only interested in the here and now.

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[music continues]

Shh.

[music continues]

[shrieks]

[breathing heavily]

[instrumental music]

- 'Morning.' - Oh.

Hey, you're up early.

- Yeah, couldn't sleep. - Oh.

It's so quiet.

I guess you get used to it.

Eventually.

Apparently, in a sensory deprivation chamber

in absolute silence..

...you start to hear the scream of your own nervous system.

[chuckles]

I think I tuned in to a bit of that last night.

You're not comfortable?

Christine slept like a baby.

Is she okay?

Yeah, she's, um..

She's okay.

I don't know how much you know about the last couple of years.

Obviously, it's been pretty difficult.

I can't imagine.

I was going to say I could imagine.

My dad died when I was very young.

'I mean, I was old enough to know what was happening'

but way too young to understand.

I remember every second of that day.

'It was like stepping into another world.'

What did he do?

- He was a marine biologist. - Wow.

[chuckles] Yeah, yeah.

We tripped around the world

looking at brightly-colored fish.

And then one day, it was just over.

And there was just this grey little house

in the south of England

my mother's grief, which never seemed to fade..

...and no more fish.

- I guess you can imagine then. - Mm.

A bit more clearly than Dean, anyway.

Hey, well, it was Dean's imagination that hooked me.

He put the brightly-colored fish back into my life.

I'll not dwell on the father-figure observation.

[laughs] I've heard them all before.

I'm sorry. That was really, really rude.

No. No self-censorship here.

House rules, speak your mind.

Dean and I have a history of dancing

the Paso Doble around conversations.

Well, I think he is very insecure.

- Especially around you. - What?

I think it's quite obvious how much he needs your approval.

He recognizes his own shortcomings

almost as clearly as he sees your strengths.

You were an editor, right?

Briefly, yeah. New fiction.

Why'd you quit?

I thought it was about making the books better.

Publishing's a very political world.

I, I just wanted a simpler life.

I met Dean.

I called him professor for our first few dates.

I was dazzled by a life creating beautiful things.

Have you read any of his recent books?

No, sorry, I haven't.

He's opened up quite a bit.

They're really inquisitive books.

You know..

...I like you a lot more than I realized.

[laughs]

(Freya) 'Well, speak of the devil.'

What are you two doing up at this hour?

I'm always up at this hour.

You're just never awake to notice.

Okay, what are you doing up at this hour?

Talking to Freya.

- Right, coffee? - Sure. Lovely nightshirt.

- What? What? - There's a couple in the pot.

Professor..

So, um, what are you guys gonna do today, huh?

I'm waking up. That's what I'm doing.

(Grant) 'Up to you. We're in your hands.'

Well, I was thinking I would take Christine

for a walk through the woods, you know, that sort of thing.

Blow a few cobwebs away.

Leave you two boys to reacquaint.

I think I'll hang on to my cobwebs today.

Uh, you can show me your new books.

I've heard great, great things about them.

Get your own coffee.

- We shouldn't tease him. - 'Why?'

'He looks like Wee Willie Winkie.'

[laughs] Stop it.

'But he does. Did you buy that?'

[instrumental music]

- Oi, oi! - 'Hey.'

- 'Bye.' - Bye-bye.

Bye.

Come on, let's go.

(Freya) 'I'm really glad you wrote back this time.'

I'm glad you could come.

(Christine) We did get the two letters that Dean sent.

I mean, I read one of them again recently

and wondered what all the fuss was about.

But, you know, in that state of mind

I think, I think Grant read every turn of phrase

as having some sort of sarcastic interpretation.

Well, Dean needs an editor sometimes too.

They've such a history together. They grew up together.

Assuming they have actually grown up.

Sometimes I wonder.

Did you know them before art school?

No, but they were in infant school together.

God, they really have grown up together.

And they are completely different people, really.

You know, I never believed in that hoary old cliche

of opposites attracting, but that's our boys.

So what are you on?

Is that a drugs reference?

What work are you on?

Uh, I'm a bit stuck at the moment.

I wanna paint something, it's my birthday

and I wanna paint something.

What?

Well, I've got a job I should be doing

and there's a children's book as well.

- What's the job? - 'Ah, it's nothing, really.'

It's not paying anything.

- I might just back out. - 'And the kids' book?'

Oh, well, now that's, uh, about a girl who lives

in a tenement block who gets sent to her uncle's place

on an island and she's bored stiff.

'And then one day, she thinks she hears a sheep'

'mutter something under her breath.'

And she's introduced to the way the animals really behave

when they're not being watched by us.

Which is?

'Uh, well, for instance, um, she asks'

"H-h-how do spiders get inside the house?"

And they tell her they form an orderly line

outside the front door and take it in turns

to scuttle inside whenever somebody goes through.

H-how do butterflies come out of caterpillars?

And it turns out, there're actually three insects involved.

There's the caterpillar, there's the butterfly

and a small beetle that spends its time

fooling the time-lapse cameras by animating the change.

It's a special effect.

So we know them as woodlice

uh, but they gave up eating wood years ago.

Now they just make films.

- 'Did you write it?' - 'One of Freya's.'

Based on her childhood.

Only child. Rich fantasy, huh?

Oh, come on. Hey, you wanna do a bit of amateur psychology?

- Let's do an exquisite corpse. - Oh, no.

Oh, come on, we've got a few hours before the girls get back.

No, I just..

I don't draw much these days.

Riding a bike.

Go on then.

Here you go.

I seem to remember we nearly

had a fight over one of these things.

Well, that's when we were young and drunk

and both fancied the same girl.

Hands-on Hannah.

- Whatever happened to her? - Buddhist.

[chuckles] I can believe that.

How do you know?

I bumped into her in Tassajara.

Bald, baking bread.

I didn't mention the penis sculptures.

No, not appropriate, really.

Not while she was kneading dough and wearing a prayer shawl.

Although the two activities did seem curiously linked

in my mind.

(Freya) He's a lot more larky than I remember

but then again, I did only meet you guys twice.

- Grant? - Mm.

Yeah, well, he can put on a show if he wants to.

In between the patter, he seems pretty worried about you.

Well, we worry about each other.

I seem to have done a lot of worrying recently.

I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to do this.

[sighs]

Are you okay talking about what's happened?

I mean, if you're not, just tell me

and I won't ask any more questions. It's just..

Well, I'm a naturally nosy cow.

You know, where we live, right in the center of town.

You can, you can hardly think

without all your neighbors hearing about it.

But here, I could, I could shout

and scream and nobody would know.

'Maybe that's just what you need.'

- You serious? - Yeah. Why not?

There's only me here and some nonjudgmental crows.

Maybe.

I need love!

And Dean is too old!

And there will be a time

when the age difference means something

but right now, I just need his love!

I lost my baby.

One day old, and I hate everybody in the world

for not caring about him or knowing about him or..

[screaming]

[instrumental music]

What do you think they're talking about?

Us.

Not everyone in the world is talking about you, Dean.

I know you like to think they are

but I have to break it to you.

My ears are burning.

Actually, I've got a small pain in my left kidney.

That's a sure sign I'm being talked about.

- It's a stone. - Oh, I had one of them once.

It's the closest a man gets to..

To childbirth, sorry.

[scoffs] We can't go all weekend avoiding

anything even remotely sensitive.

We'll end up sounding like a party political broadcast.

[instrumental music]

(Christine) 'I woke up and there he was.'

I think I'd only slept for a couple of hours.

I remember, I remember calling the nurse

because I couldn't see him.

I couldn't see his chest moving.

And they couldn't find anything?

Any reason?

No.

We got home to a frozen, empty house.

We didn't answer the phone. And then the arguments started.

A storm of grief.

'On the fourth day, we had a huge fight'

and the strangest thing happened.

Um, I'd taken an alarm clock to the hospital, I..

I-I hadn't unpacked or anything.

We'd left everything by the front door.

And suddenly..

...right in the middle of this argument

um, the alarm clock went off.

'I hadn't, I hadn't wound it or set it.'

And we just stopped fighting.

We just stopped and listened.

And it was like..

Oh.

- Hey. - It was like he..

It was like he wanted us to stop shouting at each other.

- Like.. - Hey, it's alright.

Like he was there.

[music continues]

- What about you and Freya? - What about you guys?

(Christine) Do you want to have children?

Oh, it's uh, it's not an issue at the moment.

(Freya) Well, um, I don't think Dean's thinking

along those lines at the moment.

- Really? - No.

Freya seems okay about it.

And she's not desperate to be a mum.

Alright, we haven't really talked about it.

I've mentioned it a couple of times.

- And what did he say? - Ah, he's okay about it.

But, you know, there's no rush.

Really? I don't know.

She, she seems like such a homemaker.

- You think? - Mm.

Do you wanna have kids?

(Christine) He said okay? He said yes?

I mean, that was a big impasse for us when we were together.

Well, you know..

That's why I left.

Did you not know that?

(Freya) We never really spoke about it.

I did wonder.

'I always had a niggling something.'

(Christine) His drawings and creations have always been his children.

[caws]

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

Come on.

- 'Hiya.' - Come on. Come on, join in!

(Dean) 'Look out, look out, look out!'

[grunts]

[indistinct chatter]

[laughs]

Goal!

[instrumental music]

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[music continues]

[sighs]

[music continues]

[sobbing]

[music continues]

[sighs]

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[music intensifies]

(Dean) 'Freya! Freya?'

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Did any of you guys see that piece

on Saddam Hussein's love nest?

Oh, please. I got this for a solid week.

It's a great story.

It's the definition of art in the 21st century.

Let me just see where Freya's got to.

(Grant) 'Don't change the subject.'

Oh, no, it's just whenever somebody tries

to define art in the 21st century

'I need to see if Freya's okay.'

- He's changing the subject. - Stop it.

(Dean) 'Go on then.'

So the Americans wander

'into Saddam's make-out pad in Iraq'

'and his walls are covered'

in these crappy fantasy paintings.

He's pushing all my buttons, I tell you.

(Freya) 'He's just had a few, that's all.'

'You keep filling his glass like that.'

What'd you expect?'

(Dean) 'Yeah, uh, I saw a copy of one of mine'

'on the wall in the news report.'

- This was your idea. - Yeah.

And stoking the flames with tequila's your idea

and I think it's a crap one.

(Grant) 'So how did you feel about that?'

(Dean) 'What?'

Your picture on the wall

'next to this dungeons and dragons crap'

'in Saddam's shag pad?'

Uh, I kept a low profile.

[chuckles] I know you're better than that.

You know you're better than that, but you get lumped

'in with this shit, so what do you expect?'

(Dean) 'Oh, you know, like I said, I have no control over it.'

These pictures are like kids.

You try and set them on the right path

but at the end of the day, they've got lives of their own.

- Hm. - 'That's the way it is.'

'You know, so if some collector'

in Taiwan picks up some of my stuff

he gets a local hack to make a copy of it

and sells it to Saddam Hussein's interior decorator

it is out of my control.

I think you're being too easy on yourself.

It's what this culture of escapism does. It's corrosive.

- Aesthetically, morally. - Please.

(Dean) 'No, I really don't think'

the Revolutionary Socialist Dragon Party

is that strong a force in the world.

Or the Hobbit Liberation Front.

Or the Democratic Gnome Collective.

(Grant) 'Yeah, you make a joke out of it'

but while the world is being placated

with fantasy fucking bollocks about nothing

'everything is moving on.'

The melting icecaps are moving on.

The dwindling fuel supply is moving on.

The disenfranchised armies of fucking nutjobs

with the ultimate fantasy, God or Allah

or fucking Hamburgerland on their side are moving--

- Just calm down. - 'What? I'm fine.'

Dean's doing a job for Amnesty at the moment.

Really?

Well, we'll see.

Oh, wait a minute. This is the job that wasn't paying.

You're turning down a job for Amnesty 'cause it's not paying?

Because I don't know what to do with it.

- It's not the money obviously. - Un-fucking-believable.

You don't even wanna think about it, do you?

Stuck here in little fucking house

on the prairie on the fucking sea.

'There is a big fucking sign over the country at the moment'

and it says "Do not disturb."

Please, Grant. Come on.

Well, I agree.

Oh, God. Here we go. Care to dance?

(Dean) 'No, no, no, really, I agree, I agree.'

I think there's precious little connection

with the real world at the moment.

But I-I don't think that you are crediting

fantasy with a proper role here.

'I'm not talking about ghosts and fairies.'

I'm talking about our fantasy lives. Our..

No, our imaginative lives.

You can play around with the words

but it all amounts to the same thing.

Lack of engagement.

Well, I'd like to hear what you have to say.

Thank you. I just think there is very little actual fact

'in our lives at the moment, very little reality.'

'This is real, our conversation is real'

'but what's gonna happen in an hour or so?'

You'll have your version of events, I will have mine

and they will both be different.

'There will be a chaos of, uh, memories'

'misinterpretations, lateral connections'

and they will all be a fantasy.

No, in fact, everything that you hope for and dream about

that's all a fantasy.

'And the layers of associations and connections'

that every second your brain is making

as we navigate this world

it is all just a fantasy.

'Yet it seems as real as the news on TV'

uh, the sound of this table, uh, the people we love.

And that's why I think it's very important

to deal with this definition of fantasy in our lives.

- Hmm. Do you? - 'Yes, I do.'

I know you don't, Grant, but I think

that the world is big enough to accommodate the both of us.

Well, that's nice.

- 'Here, have another drink-- - Please, come on.

What? It's just us! It's a bit of fucking cut and thrust.

- Yeah, a bit of needle. - 'Yes, it's alright.'

- 'It's alright.' - Yeah, it's alright.

It's all jus...lovely.

What about young Freya here?

- Where do you stand? - Oh, don't drag me into this.

Oh, come on, don't be shy.

I have a feeling that you are far less indulgent

of this puffly, whiffly thinking than I first thought.

- 'Please, change the record.' - No, come on.

(Grant) 'Now you've got your comfort zone'

'and your surrogate father figure.'

(Dean) 'Don't do that, Grant.'

Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Sorry.

Well, no self-censorship here.

So where do you stand

on the great fantasy versus reality debate?

The two are not mutually exclusive.

(Grant) 'Well?'

Tango.

Okay. Explain.

I tango.

- You dance tango? - Mm-hm. Twice a week.

And if you want to see, if you're really interested

in observing the actual balance in our lives

'between what you call the real world'

'and what Dean here thinks of as our fantasy lives'

then it's poised perfectly in tango.

I'd love to go dancing.

It's much more than a dance.

It's a negotiation

between friends and enemies and lovers.

It's where you see how ridiculous we all are

in our make-believe lives and our courtship routines

and our saber rattling

'and our pretense at being self-sufficient.'

It's where you see how vital life is

in our need for human contact.

'The warmth of another person moving next to you.'

Can I come?

It's real and fantastic.

- Well, I wanna dance. - 'Jesus.'

- 'Oh, well, you'll fall over.' - Well, then come on, teach me.

I wanna experience this great reality high.

(Dean) 'Don't be a twat, Grant.'

Look, I'll teach you when you're not angry, alright?

What? I'm not angry. Come on, I wanna fucking dance.

- Oh! - Oh!

- 'Alright, sit, sit down.' - Sit down.

Calm down..

- Just sit down. Sit down. - Sorry. Sorry.

(Dean) 'Sit down.'

[indistinct chatter]

[intense music]

(Grant) 'It's threatenin'.'

What's going on?

I thought we had a good time this afternoon.

Y-you've been kicking me in the shins all evening.

What is it? Is it, is it this house?

This? Uh, these?

I'm not doing it for you, you know.

There was a time when I was, when I, I needed a pat

on the head from you, but..

You don't have to justify yourself to me.

'Obviously I do. Is it Freya?'

She's young, okay?

She's a person in her own right, yes, she's younger than me

but she's not the reason I left Amber.

She's not responsible for splitting up the gang of four.

Wasn't much of a gang of four by then anyway. I see--

- 'I like Freya, actually.' - Alright.

'Then what is it, hm?'

'Is it because you..'

Is it because you lost your baby at the hospital?

Is that it?

- Jacob. - I'm sorry. Jacob.

Is that it?

And we didn't lose him. He died.

I know. I'm sorry. It's just an expression.

Um, I-I wasn't trying to talk in euphemisms.

Yes, you were. Why do you do that?

You only talk in euphemisms.

You only ever avoid the conflict or the awkwardness.

I don't go around stirring up arguments.

- I think that's a good thing. - No.

You just wander blithely through life

doing fucking kids' books.

Yeah, you don't even like kids.

How hypocritical is that?

Right, well, I can see I'm not gonna win

this argument. I'm going to bed.

Christ. There's nothing that can penetrate

your fucking ego, is there?

You know, way back when you had a big impact on my life.

What's happened to that person?

Life happened, Dean.

Now you wanna get out of your ivory tower occasionally

see the wreckage that's still hanging around in your wake.

Now who's talking in euphemisms?

Have you any idea how Amber has been coping

the last few years?

The AA meetings

casual humiliation

of trying to find someone else to spend her life with

and not really knowing

why she's been thrown away in the first place.

This is just none of your business.

Oh, but we're all there, Dean.

As you fantasize your way to the top

we're all just stepping stones.

You have never relied on anyone, certainly not me.

We've never owed each other anything.

I was talking about Christine.

What? She's..

She's fine with me.

God, it must be a fucking gift.

Some little uncomfortable detail enters my life.

Woof, poof, gone.

It never existed.

I'm going to bed.

Like all the little promises you made over the years

that weren't maybe in your best interests.

So forget 'em, woof, gone.

Oh, my God, this can't be about that book we planned to write.

That was 15 bloody years ago.

Like an irritating, little unwanted pregnancy.

- What? - 'Oh, surprised?'

Did I get through? Did I hit a nerve finally?

I'm going to bed.

What? Didn't you think she'd tell me?

We don't have secrets from each other.

You got her pregnant and then you wrote

a little check for the abortion.

'Woof, the child is lost.'

There wasn't a child.

[chuckles] But there was Christine.

She's still here. The cells may be gone

but she's still dealing with it.

Have you given it a second thought?

- Yes, of course, I have. - What?

In between the award ceremonies

and the endless vacuous books for non-existent children?

Oh, fuck off!

You're a fucking hypocrite!

[instrumental music]

- What was that? - What?

- 'I heard a crash.' - Oh, um, he's gone.

- What? - He's buggered off.

- 'Grant?' - 'What's up?'

These two infants had a fight and Grant's walked out.

- What? Where did he go? - I don't bloody know.

You're as bad as each other, you know that?

- Yeah, yeah, okay. - 'Fine.'

Look, I'll, um, I'll go down to the beach.

Do you wanna take the path over the woods?

- 'Yeah.' - You could help.

What? What.. He's not.. Why..

Nothing's gonna happen to him!

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

Bollocks.

Grant. Grant!

[intense music]

[sighs]

[music continues]

Grant!

Grant! Come on, Grant.

Come on, Granty!

Granty, come on!

Grant, come on!

I will give you another bottle of tequila

and a lifetime subscription to the "Socialist Worker"

if you come in right now, Grant.

I.. Oi. Hey.

Hello, Chris.

Oh, what's up?

- He's out there. - 'Yeah.'

But I mean, he'll be back. You know, he's..

He-he'll just make one storm around the garden

and he'll bluster his way back in.

He's always had a-a-a fuse

like something with a very short fuse.

Not Grant.

- Our child. - 'Ah.'

What?

I couldn't do it.

I just couldn't go through it that I--

'What are you..'

- No, no, you, you didn't-- - 'But I couldn't do it.'

'I couldn't sit there and justify killing a child.'

But it wasn't a child, was it? It was just a handful of cells.

- I couldn't do it. - No, no, no.

My God, this is just fucked up.

This is fucked up!

This is fucked up.

This is 20 years ago and you're telling me now?

- It was a stupid mistake. - 'Fuck.'

- Does Grant know about this? - No.

No, he was in America. We..

We weren't together then anyway.

What, what the hell happened?

I registered with an adoption agency.

- He was adopted. - He?

You're telling me that I've got a son out there somewhere?

- 'Somewhere--' - Somewhere, somewhere where?

Give me some specifics.

Oh, God. Oh, God. This is a bad dream.

This is just a bad dream.

[intense music]

[bird screeches]

[screeching]

[screams]

[panting]

- Did you meet the parents? - I did.

- And? - Does it matter?

They were nice. They couldn't have children.

They were kind.

Well, I, I would have come with you, you know.

I would have supported you. Whatever you wanted.

I would've been there. I would've done that.

And what would you have told Amber?

It's okay.

It's okay. I was fine until we lost Jacob.

I know he was only with us for a day

but he was a person called Jacob.

You know, I've imagined his life every day.

I mean, he.. How old he would be, what he would be doing?

I've imagined them both out there in the world together.

They've kept me company.

What about Grant?

I couldn't reach him

screaming at the world.

I didn't realize anyone could stay so angry for so long.

I mean, I, I was just tired.

Grant was lost.

But you managed to find him

and you-you brought him back, yes?

Life goes on.

Why?

Why does life go on?

I'll have to get back to you about that one.

(Freya) 'Hey! Hey, guys, I found him!'

Coming!

Straight across.

That's it, that's it, that's it, that's it.

- Oh, he's really hot. - Yeah.

Hey.

Just a second. Here, let me open this.

- Let me help you. - Thanks.

- Okay, carefully does it. - Oh, bloody ouch.

- 'God. How did he do that?' - 'There we go.'

Now it seems to have stopped bleeding.

Yeah.

(Freya) 'It's alright, Grant. It's okay.'

I'll call the doctor first thing, okay?

Yeah. Uh, look, I should sleep here tonight.

I'm not gonna be able to sleep upstairs anyway. Come on.

Could you, um, could you get a blanket

and could you get me one as well?

- Yeah. - Hey, you, mister.

- Hey. - Giving us a a scare like that.

Sweetheart.

Listen, now careful with that. Let me hold it.

Uh, thanks. Let me put this here.

Will it stick?

It's alright, it's alright.

(Dean) Here, Freya, take that top end.

I'll drag this up here.

Oh, don't be daft. Don't be daft.

Here, come on, keep yourself warm.

- Just keep yourself warm. - Alright, thank you.

Oh, no, you can't stay down here tonight.

Honestly, I can. Honestly, please.

Look, someone's gotta stay here.

He'll be fine. He really will.

I really don't mind staying here.

Honestly, please, just..

- Alright. He'll be fine. - Yeah, of course.

Thanks.

- 'Are you sure?' - Yeah, yeah.

Bye.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[baby crying]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[knock on door]

(Freya) 'Guys, he's here.'

[indistinct chatter]

- 'Now, Mister..' - 'Grant.'

Mr. Grant, what have you been up to, eh?

[Grant groans]

Well, well, well

that is indeed a nasty one.

Has this man been drinking?

Um, he and Dean haven't seen each other in a while, so yeah.

They had a few.

Were you out drinking last night, Mr. Grant?

Ah, yes.

And, uh, what sort of drinks

might they have been, Mr. Grant?

Tequila.

What brand of tequila there, Mr. Grant?

- What? - Gold? Conmemorativo?

- Mezcal. - Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Can you say Capistrano, Mr. Grant?

Pardon?

Can you say Capistrano, Mr. Grant?

Ah, Capistrano.

- Plover. - Plover.

- Selfridges. - 'Selfridges.'

Didactic.

Didac, ah, tic.

Didactic.

Didac...tic.

Yes. There's definitely something going on

in that second syllable, isn't there, Mr. Grant?

What would you think of

if I use the word

pomegranate?

Um..

Interesting.

Close your eyes for a minute.

[instrumental music]

[groaning]

[grunting]

There we go.

Icky indeed.

He's a magician.

What?

It's true.

He decided he wanted to meet me.

- And? - 'We met in London.'

Ah, he's just got his first job as a gofer in a theater

but he was busking in Covent Garden as a magician.

I don't believe it.

Look at you, your world has really shifted on its axis.

Yes. Of course.

What's his name?

- Michael. - Michael.

How old is he?

Well, he's 21. You can work it out.

What's he like?

He's a lot like you.

He's confident but needs applause.

He's critical but gets defensive if you're critical.

He's...proud. He's very lovable.

- Did he.. - Ask about you?

Does he know?

No, I told him I haven't seen you since our art school days.

I think he believed me.

Then I told him about our baby and, uh..

I think he wanted to be angry with me.

I think I was ready for that.

But then I told him what had happened recently

and that seemed to..

...shock the conversation out of the past

and into the present.

Will you see him again?

Well, I'd like to. He's a nice kid.

Got your smile.

(Freya) 'Thank you so much for coming.'

- Thank you. - 'And what's this?'

Oh, oh, nothing. I just, it's just been a long weekend.

Now, now.

Let me have a look.

Come on, lift your sweater.

Okay.

'Breathe in.'

Ah.

Have you ever heard a dolphin...laugh?

[chuckles] Um...yeah

I think so, on the telly.

'Well, think on that sound for a minute.'

Okay.

[instrumental music]

- How is he? - He'll sleep it off.

You've got to let these things work themselves out.

Thank you.

You know, when you first brought Freya along

I didn't like her.

(Dean) 'Yeah, it was obvious.'

(Christine) 'Even though we'd had our fling'

I never understood why you and Amber split up, so I..

We were always this gang of four.

I just, I suppose I resented her.

She was too nice.

Too much, too happy, too young.

(Dean) 'Well, don't fool yourself. I'm the only kid in this household.'

(Christine) 'Look at her, Dean.'

'I think she just sees the good in everything.'

'I can't imagine anybody more ready to be a mother.'

What about you?

Life goes on.

Why?

[birds screeching]

(Dean) Oi, oi! It's Lazarus' kid brother!

- 'Give that man a cappuccino.' - I would like a cappuccino.

(Freya) 'Coming right up. One lump or two?'

- Oh, darling. - Seven.

- You scared me. - Ow!

- Sorry. - It's a bit sore.

Yeah, you scared the hell out of me.

Better out than in.

- Hello. - Sorry, fella.

Oh, no, no. You know what?

We are a little over-comfortable here, so you're right.

No, no.

Well, apart from the bits where you're wrong, you're right.

- How's that? - Water. Drink lots.

(Grant) Thank you.

What time is it?

Oh, 3:30.

What, afternoon 3:30? What happened to lunch?

(Dean) 'Right, you must have missed it, mate.'

You needed the sleep.

Right, one cappo coming up.

Have I woken up yet?

[birds screeching]

(Christine) 'I think, I think I should have been sedated'

'but I..'

...I just felt numb and, uh

the worst thing was leaving the house that day

and seeing all these boxes and boxes of presents

for this child that just wasn't there.

And I remember thinking, God, this should be a day

where I am, I'm out buying baby clothes.

And instead yet, here we are trying to arrange a funeral.

And it was just crazy.

Anyway, we got there.

We got to the graveyard and, um..

...it was very cold.

(Grant) We found this old boy.

A caretaker.

He was such a lovely guy.

(Christine) Yes, we, uh, we kept on coming back

to this, this patch of ground

with this, um, strange

crescent-shaped group of stones.

And it just felt right, didn't it?

(Grant) He said we could bury Jacob there and that was that.

(Christine) It was, it was like visiting some other place.

Not the real world at all. It's very strange.

(Dean) 'I know just what you mean.'

The one and only time that, uh, I was in a graveyard

was at my grandfather's funeral.

I must have been eight, I think.

'He was an extraordinary man, really.

'He was a-a mountaineer and explorer.'

'He was a legend in the family.'

'We'd see him every Christmas'

and sometimes we'd get to stay

at his strange rambling house in the country.

'There was always a-a new room to explore'

'full of old "Tarzan" comics'

'used as ballast on ships from America.'

'Or a-a room full of old fossils and bones.'

'He became interested in birds that soar on thermals'

around mountain peaks, so he became an ornithologist

and he would rescue injured eagles and ospreys.

'He'd draw pictures with me of, um'

'of the birds he'd found. He inspired me.'

Once, um, my folks were having trouble

so I stayed with him for a few weeks and we made

a huge pair of wings out of bamboo and paper

and we climbed onto the top of the roof

and we launched it into the air over the valley.

But then he died.

'And I'm still not sure why.'

He must have been ill.

[instrumental music]

Everything was gone before I realized what happened.

It went to collectors or junk shops or Oxfam.

But I didn't get to keep anything.

The singular important life summed up

in a few crates of junk.

I was just getting to know him, to really understand him..

...and then every trace of him was gone.

Now I can't even remember his face.

[instrumental music]

[birds screeching]

Come on..

...back inside before we freeze to death.

You know, I think we'll really remember this weekend.

Ugh! I bloody hope not.

[chuckles]

- Well, I feel.. - Cold?

I was going to say...better.

Mm-hmm.

- Yeah. - What's that?

What?

Oh, my God, that.

'I found it in Dean's studio.'

'It's, um..'

'It's one of yours.'

Mm-hmm.

'A sad picture.'

(Grant) 'Come on.'

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

- All set? - I'm just gonna get my bag.

- Is that it? Everything? - Yeah.

Um, uh, when it's out, can you send me

a copy of that new children's book you're working on?

- Oh, come on now-- - No, no, no.

I think it would be a really great way of talking

about the natural world to the kids I teach.

You really..

It's an inner-city school.

Most of them have barely even seen a blade of grass.

Yeah, sure, um, September, I think.

You can both sign it.

It'll be a nice reminder.

Hey, you know what, I think, I think you should have

a couple of those drawings to take with you.

- I have to confess. - What?

I took the drawing there. Do you mind?

No, I've just come down to get a couple for Grant, anyway.

- I can pay you. - Don't be crazy.

With an answer. I think I have an answer for you.

- What's the question? - Why life goes on?

Come on.

[instrumental music]

There.

'You see, if we didn't carry on'

'we'd never get to do the tango in the middle of nowhere'

'on a Monday morning.'

- 'Slow. One.' - 'Two.'

[Freya laughing]

[indistinct chatter]

(Freya) Now to the side. Now in front. Go.

Go. No. Move across.

Across. No, across.

[laughing]

[indistinct chatter]

[laughter]

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

* Lifelines flowing over her hands *

* Our clothes always sifting its ends *

* She stood lonely on the headland *

* She prayed to the moon for his hand *

* La Luna * * Life alone is no life at all *

* I know this breaks a Lester law *

* But I would give all that I am *

* To buy the heart of this good man *

* Life once born in strains and stresses *

* Our close times of war relentless *

* She only thinks impress in tenses *

* She only dreams of his caresses *

* La Luna * * The moon I thought *

* About the worse *

* Of how to try and best help her *

* An answered prayer comes at a cost *

* For love to gain love must be lost *

* The moon it answered I agree *

* To open this man's eyes to see *

* A life with you eternally *

* But is the price this gift to me *

* So in return the moon replied *

* You gift to me your firstborn child *

* And so they lived and loved hand in hand *

* Across the oceans and shifting suns *

* But fate one day returned to demand *

* She made her way back to the headland *

* La Luna * * So please La Luna *

* She decry *

* Please void this contract that I signed *

* The moon admired her infant son *

* And closed his eyes the deed was done *

* She wept and raged against the cost *

* For love to gain love must be lost **

[instrumental music]