Original subtitles

HEY, EDDIE.

WHAT'S ALL THAT?

IT'S MY MAIL.

I HAVEN'T EMPTIED OUT MY P.O. BOX IN A WHILE.

WHY DO YOU HAVE A P.O. BOX?

I LIKE TO KEEP MY ADDRESS PRIVATE.

I DON'T WANT THE MAN TO KNOW WHERE I LIVE.

THE MAILMAN? ANY MAN.

THESE RAISINETTES ARE TERRIBLE.

THEY'RE CHOCOLATE COVERED ESPRESSO BEANS.

OH, THEY'RE GOOD.

THEY'RE FOR MY DAD.

HIS FLIGHT JUST LANDED. HE'S ON HIS WAY OVER.

WELL, SEAN, BAD NEWS.

CLAUDIA'S FATHER'S COMIN'.

I KNOW.

OH, REALLY? YOU SEEM TO BE TAKIN' IT REALLY WELL.

UH-HUH.

I REMEMBER THE LAST TIME YOU HEARD TONY WAS COMING.

THAT'S ALL IN THE PAST.

REMEMBER THAT 5 GRAND TONY LENT US LAST YEAR TO FIX UP THE BAR?

YEAH, THAT WAS REALLY GREAT OF HIM.

YEAH, IT WAS REALLY GREAT, YOU KNOW,

AND HE WOULD NEVER LET ME FORGET

THAT IT WAS REALLY GREAT OF HIM.

WELL, LOOK AT THAT. INTEREST RATES ARE UP THERE, SEAN.

IT'S A GOOD THING YOU BORROWED THAT $5,000 FROM ME

INSTEAD OF A BANK.

NOW, NOW, SEAN, I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK

THAT YOU CAN'T CALL A PLUMBER

JUST BECAUSE IT'D TAKE LONGER

TO PAY BACK THAT $5,000.

I DON'T EVEN LIKE TALKIN' ABOUT THAT $5,000.

AH, BALTIC AVENUE. THAT'S ME!

YOU OWE ME $26.

OR IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, UH,

$5,026, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I COULDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

YOU KNOW, HE'S JUST SO SMUG,

AND I JUST HAD TO SIT THERE AND EAT IT,

YOU KNOW? BUT NO MORE, PAL. YOU KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE TODAY IT'S PAYBACK TIME.

WAIT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHAT? ARE YOU SAYING "PAYBACK TIME" LIKE

"THANKS FOR THE LOAN. HERE'S YOUR MONEY"?

'CAUSE IT SOUNDED A LITTLE BIT LIKE

"YOU KILLED MY PARTNER. SEE YOU IN HELL."

BABY, LOOK, I'M JUST SAYIN'

IT'S GONNA BE A REAL RELIEF TO PAY HIM BACK

SO I DON'T HAVE TO KISS UP TO HIM ANYMORE.

UH-HUH. 'CAUSE MY FATHER'S EVIL

AND HE DOES THOSE VICIOUS THINGS

LIKE LEND US MONEY INTEREST-FREE

AND TELL US TO KEEP IT AS LONG AS WE NEED IT.

WHAT A MONSTER.

WHAT ARE WE LOOKING FOR?

BOXES THAT ARE CLEARLY MARKED "FROGS."

THERE'S, LIKE, 8 OF 'EM.

I NEVER KNEW YOU LIKED FROGS SO MUCH.

I DON'T. WHEN I WAS 4,

MY GRANDPA GAVE ME A FROG, AND I LOVED IT.

EVER SINCE THEN, HE BRINGS ME A NEW ONE EVERY TIME HE VISITS.

IT'S LIKE HE STILL THINKS OF ME AS A 4-YEAR-OLD.

HEY! OH, MY GOD, HERE'S THIS DANCING CACTUS I GOT YOU IN ARIZONA.

YOU SAID YOU COULDN'T FIND IT.

HOW DID THAT GET UP HERE?

WHERE ARE THOSE FROGS?

YOU GETTIN' OUT THE FROGS?

YEP.

I HAVEN'T BEEN UP HERE IN A WHILE.

IT'S KINDA COOL.

MAN, I BET I COULD LIVE UP HERE.

ARE YOU SERIOUS? IT'S DIRTY AND CREEPY.

YEAH, BUT IT'S BETTER THAN SHARING A ROOM WITH HENRY.

* I GOT A PONY CALLED PICKLES *

* AND A DUCKY NAMED MR. McGEE *

CAREFUL, YOU ALMOST HIT ME.

I GOTTA GET OUT. IT'S KILLING MY SOUL.

Sean: WHAT ARE YOU...

WHOA, ED, THIS IS FROM THE I.R.S.

YEAH, I'M TOSSIN' IT.

YOU CAN'T TOSS STUFF FROM THE I.R.S.

SURE YOU CAN. THEY'RE LIKE JURY DUTY NOTICES.

OH HO HO HO HO. EDDIE, THEY ARE AUDITING YOU.

HOW CAN THEY AUDIT ME?

I DIDN'T EVEN FILE ANY TAXES.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

HEY! DADDY!

BUTTERCUP! THERE'S MY LITTLE GIRL!

HERE, LET ME TAKE THAT.

TONY!

[FLATLY] HEY, SEAN.

HEY, HOW YOU DOIN', BUDDY?

OK. ALL RIGHT. COME ON, DADDY.

SO YOU HAVE BUSINESS UP HERE, HUH?

YEAH, YEAH, SORTA.

YEAH, THAT'S FUNNY YOU MENTIONED THAT.

I GOT A LITTLE BUSINESS, TOO.

UH-HUH. YEAH, YOU REMEMBER

THAT 5 GRAND YOU LENT ME LAST YEAR?

YEP.

I AM HEREBY...

PAYING YOU BACK.

WELL, LOOK AT THAT! THANK YOU, SEAN.

YEAH, WE'RE EVEN.

UH-HUH. SO IT WOULD SEEM.

THAT'S NICE, ISN'T IT?

JUST BEIN' MAN TO MAN, NOTHIN' HANGIN' OVER OUR HEADS.

YEAH, I'M HERE TO HAVE SURGERY.

WHAT?

YEAH. THURSDAY, I'M GOIN' UNDER THE KNIFE.

OH, MY GOD.

NO, NO, NO, NO. IT'S OK. IT'S OK.

SEAN, WOULD YOU MIND BRINGIN' MY BAG IN?

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIFTIN' STUFF,

YOU KNOW, WITH MY SURGERY.

ALL RIGHT.

DADDY, LISTEN.

YEAH.

I'M NOT A LITTLE GIRL ANYMORE, ALL RIGHT?

I CAN TAKE IT. WHAT ARE YOU HAVING DONE?

OH, NOW, TINKERBELL, I TOLD YOU NOT TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.

IT'S SURGERY!

WELL, LET'S NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS HERE,

ALL RIGHT? THERE'S ALL KINDS OF SURGERY.

FOR ALL YOU KNOW, COULD BE DENTAL SURGERY!

IS IT DENTAL SURGERY?

I WISH!

DAD-- AH, COME ON.

I TOLD YOU, JUST TRUST ME. I'M GONNA BE FINE, OK?

HEY, POP-POP.

HEY, SWEETHEART!

DO YOU REMEMBER BRAD O'KEEFE?

YEAH. THAT DOPEY KID FROM NEXT DOOR.

UM, DAD, THAT--THAT'S BRAD.

LILY,

DID YOU TELL YOUR FRIEND HERE WHAT I BROUGHT YA?

AH...I WAS GONNA SURPRISE HIM,

BUT I MIGHT AS WELL.

IT'S A FROG!

HOW 'BOUT THAT? I'D LOVE TO SEE IT.

LET'S GO UP. HE'S PLAYING WITH HIS NEW FRIENDS.

OH, HEY, THERE, JIMMY. WHATCHA DOING?

JUST GRABBING SOME MUSIC FOR MY NEW ROOM.

I DON'T KNOW THAT THE ATTIC IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA.

NO, MOM. IT'S TOTALLY GREAT. I'M REALLY LOVING IT.

BUT BY THE WAY, AM I UP-TO-DATE ON MY TETANUS SHOTS?

I THINK SO. WHY?

I DON'T KNOW. I WAS SLEEPING UP THERE,

AND I MIGHT HAVE ROLLED OVER ONTO A NAIL, BUT--WHATEVER.

ALL RIGHT, TONY, I'M GONNA PUT THE SHAVER IN THE BAG.

THANK YOU, SEAN. OH, UH...

BY THE WAY, YOU OUGHTA THINK ABOUT

ADDING A LITTLE ADDITION ONTO THE HOUSE,

MAYBE GIVE JIMMY HIS OWN ROOM.

NO, IT'S OK. HE LIKES IT UP THERE.

YOU SURE? 'CAUSE IF IT'S A MATTER OF MONEY,

I CAN RIP UP THAT CHECK--

UH-UH. JUST KEEP THE MONEY.

OK. ALL RIGHT.

HEY, TONY.

HEY, EDWIN!

CHECK ME OUT.

DO I LOOK LIKE A GUY WHO MAKES AN HONEST LIVING?

WHAT'S THE DEAL, ED?

I'M PREPARING FOR MY AUDIT

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM THE EXPERT.

YEAH. YOU GOT YOUR DATEBOOKS?

YEAH. I GOT 2000, 2001, AND 2002.

GOOD. GOOD WORK. NOW ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS FILL 'EM IN.

OH! OH! YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET ME SHOW YOU MY DAY PLANNER.

WE'LL GIVE THOSE IRS MONKEYS WHAT THEY'RE LOOKIN' FOR.

YOU'RE THE BEST, TONY.

NO, HE'S NOT!

HE'S A MANIPULATIVE ASS! WHY CAN'T ANYBODY SEE IT BUT ME?!

THIS GUY CAN'T GO 2 MINUTES WITHOUT TALKIN' ABOUT HIS SURGERY!

WELL, HE IS HAVING SURGERY.

I KNOW HE'S HAVING SURGERY! EVERYBODY ON THE BLOCK KNOWS HE'S HAVING SURGERY!

KIDS IN NORWAY KNOW HE'S HAVING SURGERY!

HERE YOU GO, EDDIE.

I WANTED TO GIVE YOU THIS BEFORE MY SURGERY.

YOU'VE GOT EVERY EXPENSE, EVERY APPOINTMENT RIGHT HERE IN THE BOOK.

JUST GOTTA FOLLOW THE TEMPLATE.

YOU'RE THE BEST, TONY.

SO THEY SAY.

[RIBBIT]

LOOK AT THIS STUPID THING.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?

[RIBBIT] BRAD!

[RIBBIT]

DO YOU MIND?

I'M SORRY.

I'M RUNNING OUT OF ROOM IN HERE.

EVEN IF I LIKED FROGS, THIS IS TOO MANY FROGS.

[RIBBIT, RIBBIT, RIBBIT]

BRAD!

SORRY. I JUST HAD TO SIT DOWN.

HE'S WASTING HIS MONEY, AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE THEM!

WELL, JUST TELL HIM. HE JUST WANTS TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.

YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

[RIBBIT]

BRAD, TAKE THEM OFF NOW!

HEY, POP-POP.

HEY! THERE'S MY LITTLE LILY PAD!

ACTUALLY, I'M NOT SO LITTLE ANYMORE.

YEAH. WHERE DOES THE TIME GO, HUH?

SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY YOU WERE MY LITTLE POLLIWOG.

RIGHT, BUT I'M GROWIN' UP, YOU KNOW,

AND, LIKE THIS FROG...

LIKE 10 YEARS AGO, I WOULD HAVE LOVED IT,

BUT NOW FROGS AREN'T THAT HIGH UP ON MY LIST, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

I KNOW. OF COURSE, OF COURSE.

I JUST, YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO GET YA.

I'M EASY. YOU CAN GET ME, LIKE, CLOTHES OR MUSIC--

THERE'S THE NEW OUTKAST C.D.

OH! WELL, THEN, UH, THAT'S WHAT I WANNA GET FOR YA.

JUST GIVE ME BACK THE FROG.

OH, I DIDN'T MEAN NOW--

NO, NO, NO. DON'T BE SILLY.

JUST GIVE ME BACK THE FROG, AND I'LL GET YOU THE C.D. YOU WANT.

ARE YOU SURE IT'S OK?

YEAH, YEAH. OF COURSE. ABSOLUTELY.

THIS WAY, YOU GET SOMETHING THAT YOU LIKE.

I DON'T HAVE TO GO AROUND SPENDING $400 ON A SILLY GLASS FROG.

$400! I JUST GAVE BACK A $400 FROG!

YEAH, BUT YOU GET THE C.D.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT? HEY--DOES THIS HAVE ALL HIS APPOINTMENTS AND STUFF IN HERE?

JUST PUT IT DOWN.

I JUST WANNA SEE ABOUT THIS MAJOR SURGERY THING

HE KEEPS TALKING ABOUT. I WANNA SEE IF IT'S IN HERE.

THAT'S TONY'S. HE ENTRUSTED IT TO ME.

OH! SHH, SHH. THURSDAY...

HOSPITAL.

[LAUGHS] OH, MY GOD!

LISTEN TO THIS: "DR. RAMESH PATEL,

BOARD CERTIFIED COSMETIC SURGEON."

COSMETIC SURGERY! THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!

YOU'VE HAD YOUR LAUGH. PUT IT DOWN NOW.

SHH, SHH, SHH. NO.

UH, HELLO? HI. IS THIS DR. PATEL'S OFFICE?

YES. I'M THE PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO MR. TONY BUSTAMANTE,

AND I JUST WANTED TO CHECK-- HE WAS HAVING SOME KIND OF SURGERY DONE TODAY?

WOULD IT BE OF THE COSMETIC SORT?

OK! IT WOULD--2:30?

OK.

[SHOUTING] THANK YOU! I KNEW IT!

HE IS A VAIN BASTARD!

HUH?

OH, NO, I'M SORRY. I'M JUST A TEMP. GOOD-BYE.

PLASTIC SURGERY.

[SHOUTING] PLASTIC SURGERY! I KNEW IT.

THAT'S WHY HE WOULDN'T TELL ANYBODY.

WHAT'S HE GONNA HAVE DONE, HUH? LITTLE TUMMY TUCK, EYELIDS?

I DON'T KNOW. I DO! LIPOSUCTION.

HA HA HA HA!

OH, YEAH!

COULD I HAVE THE BOOK BACK?

NO! HA HA HA! THAT VAIN BASTARD'S

BEEN MILKING THAT SYMPATHY THE WHOLE WEEK

ABOUT HIS MAJOR SURGERY. WELL, I KNOW HIS SECRET NOW.

VANITY, THY NAME IS TONY!

YOU ARE BUSTED! MAJOR SURGERY!

GOD!

OK, CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING, WATER,

ANOTHER PILLOW?

ACTUALLY, TINK, UH...

COULD YOU ADJUST THE BED? I WOULDN'T MIND SITTING UP.

IT'S NOT WORKING.

YOU KNOW, I TOLD THAT NURSE TO CHECK EVERYTHING,

MAKE SURE IT'S WORKING! SHE SAID SHE CHECKED.

SHE DIDN'T CHECK! SHE'S LAZY!

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THIS GREAT HOSPITAL,

AND ALL THE NURSES ARE SO STUPID!

HONEY...

HONEY, I--I THINK YOU'RE PUSHING THE INTERCOM BUTTON.

ESTELLA'S DOING A GREAT JOB, DON'T YOU THINK? OH, YEAH.

GOD, I LIKE HER HAIR.

YEAH. UH-HUH.

OH. HEAD.

THERE YOU GO. OH, THAT'S PERFECT, HONEY.

THAT'S PERFECT. NOW, I KNOW...

I KNOW IT'S BEEN VERY HARD FOR YOU

NOT KNOWIN' WHAT THEY WERE DOING,

BUT NOW IT'S ALL OVER, AND EVERYTHING WENT JUST FINE.

WHAT WENT FINE, DAD? REALLY, I'M NOT A LITTLE GIRL.

I KNOW, SWEETHEART, SO...I GUESS I'LL TELL YOU.

AHEM!

DADDY...HAD A LITTLE SOMETHING INSIDE OF HIM

THAT DIDN'T BELONG THERE, AND NOW IT'S GONE.

OK?

THANKS, DAD.

ALL RIGHT.

HEY, POP-POP!

HEY, LITTLE GIRL!

HEY, HOW YOU FEELING?

AH, YOU KNOW, NOT BAD.

I CAN'T COMPLAIN. CAN'T COMPLAIN.

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'D LIKE A LITTLE TEA, HONEY.

WOULD YOU MIND BUZZING ESTELLA FOR ME?

OH, YEAH. UH...

MAYBE I'LL GET IT MYSELF.

WELL, POP-POP, I'M GLAD YOU'RE FEELING A LITTLE BIT BETTER.

AH, THANK YOU.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

ISN'T THAT THAT SWEATER I BROUGHT YOU?

OH! WELL, LOOK AT THAT.

HA HA HA HA!

I HADN'T NOTICED.

I JUST WORE IT 'CAUSE IT GOES WITH MY FROG BARRETTES.

OH, YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.

NOW, I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T LIKE THAT FROG STUFF ANYMORE.

OH! OH, THAT THING?

WHAT CAN I SAY? I'M A TEENAGED GIRL,

CONSTANTLY CONTRADICTING MYSELF.

IS THAT SO?

YEAH! LIKE, I WAS A VEGETARIAN FOR A WEEK,

AND I WAS LIKE, "SAVE THE COWS! SAVE THE COWS!"

NOW I LOVE MEAT. HATE COWS!

SO ANYTHING I MIGHT HAVE SAID ABOUT FROGS OR FROG GIFTS--

I WOULDN'T PUT TOO MUCH STAKE IN THOSE.

I LOVE FROGS!

OH, MY GOD!

WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

LILY WANTS HER $400 FROG BACK. BRAD!

TRUST ME, IT'LL BE ON EBAY BY THE END OF THE WEEK.

IS THAT TRUE, LILY?

WELL...HA!

I'M NOT GONNA BUY YOU A GIFT JUST SO YOU CAN TURN AROUND AND SELL IT.

I--I KNOW--

OK. FINE. I THINK IT'S TIME

YOU LEARNED A LITTLE LESSON.

HERE YOU GO. $400 CASH.

OH, MY GOD! THANK YOU, GRANDPA!

W-W-WHAT THE HELL KIND OF LESSON IS THAT?

IT--IT'S A LESSON IN HONESTY, SON.

IF SHE JUST WANTED THE MONEY,

WHY SHOULD I GO FROG SHOPPING?

OH! I'M GONNA GO GET YOU A NICE GIFT FROM THE GIFT SHOP.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. THAT'S YOUR MONEY.

HERE'S A LITTLE SHOPPING MONEY.

UNBELIEVABLE!

THANK YOU, POP-POP!

ALL RIGHT.

LILY, COME ON. THAT MONEY'S NOT GONNA BUY YOU SELF-RESPECT.

BRAD, LOOK AT MY SWEATER. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE SELF-RESPECT?

DID YOU WEAR YOUR FROGGY SWEATER TO CHEER UP YOUR POP-POP?

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD GRANDDAUGHTER.

[GROANS] OHH...

HERE'S YOUR TEA, DAD.

THANKS, SWEETHEART.

MM.

SORRY WE'RE LATE.

HI.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, JIMMY?

OH, HE'S FINE.

YEAH. I WAS JUST UP IN MY NEW ROOM,

AND I HAD A LITTLE MISHAP.

I THINK WE SHOULD STUDY IN YOUR ROOM.

THIS IS MY ROOM. I'M JUST IN THE PROCESS OF REDECORATING.

IT'S A LITTLE CREEPY.

WHAT'S THIS PINK STUFF?

INSULATION. PRETTY GREAT, HUH?

UH--DON'T! TOUCH IT.

IT'S MADE OF MILLIONS OF TINY LITTLE SHARDS OF GLASS.

EEW! A SPIDER! GET IT AWAY! EEW! EEW!

IT'S COOL! WHOA! DON'T STEP OFF THE PLANKS!

HERE, I GOT IT--

JIMMY, WHAT THE HELL?!

WHAT? NO, I'M JUST CHILLIN'.

IT'S ALL GOOD.

JIMMY?

DUDE, I THINK YOUR FOOT'S ON BACKWARDS!

YEAH. IT HAPPENS SOMETIMES.

YOU KNOW, SEAN, YOU MIGHT WANNA FINISH THAT ATTIC

SO YOU WON'T HAVE KIDS LEAKIN' THROUGH THE CEILING.

IT'S OK.

WELL, YOU KNOW, IF IT'S A MATTER OF MONEY,

MY OFFER TO RIP UP THAT CHECK STILL STANDS.

OH, OH, NO, NO, NO.

THERE'LL BE NO RIPPING UP OF CHECKS.

WHY ARE WE TALKING BUSINESS?

YOU'VE JUST HAD MAJOR SURGERY!

IT PROBABLY SUCKED THE LIFE RIGHT OUT OF YOU.

YOU'RE PROBABLY FEELING PRETTY DRAINED RIGHT NOW.

NAW, I'M, UH... I'M OK, SEAN.

HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT?

I MEAN, THIS IS CRAZY, BUT SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT

AROUND THE MID-SECTION, THIGHS, BUTTOCKS?

OH, I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE A LITTLE.

YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT.

IT'S LIKE THE WEIGHT JUST MELTED RIGHT OFF YOU JUST LIKE...

I DON'T KNOW, JUST LIKE--

[VACUUM SOUND]

MAN, HOSPITALS ARE COOL!

HENRY, WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE CHARTS?

THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!

ALL RIGHT. MAYBE IT'S TIME WE GO

AND LET POP-POP GET SOME REST.

YEAH, I AM FEELING A LITTLE WEAK,

BUT, YOU KNOW, THAT'S TO BE EXPECTED

AFTER MAJOR SURGERY.

OH, YEAH! WHEW! MAJOR SURGERY.

AND YET, WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS.

HONEY, YOU KNOW HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

I KNOW, BABY, BUT I DO WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

AND WHAT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IS WHAT HE DOESN'T WANNA TALK ABOUT

AND WHY HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

BABY, LET ME TELL YOU

WHAT KIND OF SURGERY THIS MAN HAD--HE HAD PLASTIC SURGERY!

WHAT?

YES. YES. I CALLED HIS DOCTOR, DR. RAMESH PATEL.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE IS? HE'S A COS-METIC SURGEON.

J'ACCUSE!

DADDY, IS THIS TRUE?

YES, IT IS.

HA HA! VINDICATION. OH, MY GOD, MAN.

YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO MILK OUR SYMPATHY

FROM THE SECOND YOU STEPPED FOOT THROUGH OUR DOOR!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

POP-POP'S DIRTY LITTLE SECRET'S OUT,

THAT'S WHAT'S GOING ON.

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US?

I WAS SO WORRIED!

HONEY, HONEY, WOULD YOU PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN MYSELF?

YES. YES. WE'D LOVE TO HEAR YOU EXPLAIN.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

I DID HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY...

TO SEAL UP THE INCISION

SO IT WOULDN'T LEAVE A SCAR.

OH! HA HA! WHAT INCISION?

[SIGHS]

I HAD TO HAVE A BULLET REMOVED

THAT WAS LODGED ABOVE MY KIDNEY.

OH, A BULLET.

YEAH. KINDA LIKE THIS ONE RIGHT HERE.

OH. A BULLET.

YOU GOT SHOT?!

NOW, NOW, SUGARPLUM, IT'S FINE. EVERYTHING'S FINE.

DADDY IS FINE.

IT ALL HAPPENED LONG BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.

I WAS...HUNTING FOR SNIPERS IN THE MEKONG RIVER DELTA

IN JUNE OF '67

WHEN MY PATROL CAME UNDER HEAVY ENEMY FIRE.

THE CO TOLD US TO RETREAT,

BUT THAT WOULD MEAN LEAVING 2 OF MY MEN BEHIND,

SO I SWAM UPSTREAM AND DRAGGED THEM TO A CLEARING

AND ON THE WAY GOT A HOT PIECE OF VIETNAMESE LEAD

JUST ABOVE MY LEFT KIDNEY.

THE DOCTORS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BEST TO LEAVE IT IN...

'CAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANNA GO MESSING AROUND

WITH MY GUTS.

OH. OH, SO I GUESS IT WASN'T THAT SERIOUS, THEN.

NO. NOT UNTIL RECENTLY

WHEN IT STARTED TO MIGRATE

AND THE SURGEONS HERE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BEST TO REMOVE IT,

SEEING AS HOW... I ONLY HAVE ONE KIDNEY.

JUST ONE?

YEAH. YEAH.

I DONATED THE OTHER ONE TO A MARINE

SO HE COULD MAKE IT BACK HOME TO SEE HIS NEW BABY GIRL.

WELL...

THERE--THERE YOU HAVE IT.

WOW, POP-POP! YOU'RE LIKE A WAR HERO!

YEAH! THAT'S SO COOL!

I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL MY FRIENDS!

IT'S AN HONOR AND PRIVILEGE, SIR!

ALL RIGHT, AT EASE, EVERYBODY.

I THINK WE SHOULD LET POP-POP GET SOME REST.

HE'S BEEN THROUGH A LOT.

A LOT MORE THAN WAS NECESSARY.

[LAUGHS] TONY, COME ON.

TONY!

YOU GOTTA ADMIT THAT WAS A LITTLE FUNNY.

YEAH. TO ME, SURE.

SEEMS LIKE YOUR END OF IT WOULD BE KINDA HUMILIATING.

GUESS, UH...

GUESS I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY, HUH?

YEAH! YOU THINK THAT I COULD SEE IT COMING SOME TIME?

'CAUSE LAST TIME, YOU OWED ME SOMETHING.

YEAH, OH, HEY-- I PAID YOU BACK.

ALL RIGHT. YES, YOU DID, DIDN'T YOU?

TRUCE? TRUCE.

YOU GOT IT.

* TONY, TONY

* TONY BUSTAMANTE

MY SAVIOR.

SO I TAKE IT THE AUDIT WENT WELL?

WELL, IF YOU'RE THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT...NO.

THAT A BOY, EDWIN. HOW MUCH DO YOU OWE?

$16!

WHAT? LOOK, I THOUGHT YOU WERE INTO THEM FOR THOUSANDS!

I WAS. BUT I TOOK TONY'S ADVICE

AND I RAN MY EXPENSES THROUGH THE BUSINESS.

THE BUSN--THE BUSINESS? YOU MEAN OUR BAR?

YEAH, YEAH, YOU KNOW, THE BUSINESS WE'RE IN.

SO WHAT'S THIS MEAN FOR THE BAR?

IT'S NOT THAT BAD. WE JUST OWE, LIKE, $5,200.

ED, WE DON'T HAVE $5,200!

NOW, NOW, NOW.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, SEAN.

I GOTCHA.

OH, SEAN, HEY, WOULD YOU MIND

GRABBING MY BAG THERE? I'M STILL FEELING A LITTLE TENDER.

NO PROBLEM.

MR. BUSTAMANTE. HOW ARE WE FEELING?

DR. PATEL, I FEEL FINE. I FEEL FINE.

NOW, REMEMBER, THERE ARE GONNA BE A FEW LUMPY SPOTS FOR A WHILE.

DON'T WORRY. THOSE'LL DISSIPATE.

THOSE ARE JUST POCKETS OF FAT WE COULDN'T GET TO.

YEAH, OK, BYE, BYE!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! POCKETS OF FAT?

IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL WITH LIPOSUCTION.

HE WAS IN THERE GETTIN' THE BULLET ANYWAY!

NOBODY'S GONNA BELIEVE YOU, SEAN.

I DON'T KNOW. LOOK, THAT RIGHT BUTT CHEEK'S

RIDING HIGHER THAN THE LEFT.

DON'T WORRY. THEY CAN GET IN THERE WITH THE HOSE AND JUST--SSSLLLL!