Original subtitles

I DIDN'T KNOW BUSINESS WAS THIS BAD.

OH, GOD.

OH, NO.

OH, WHY?!

IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD.

WE'VE NEVER HAD A MONTH THIS BAD.

I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT WE'RE PROBABLY GONNA HAVE TO DIP INTO THE EMERGENCY FUND.

I HOPE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE BACK-UP EMERGENCY FUND.

YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO SPEND ALL OUR MONEY

ON THE EXTERMINATOR.

YEAH, WE HAD RATS!

YOU KNOW, WE'RE SCREWED.

HEY, BABE. I'M GONNA TAKE THE CAR, OK?

WHERE YOU GOING?

WELL, FIRST, I HAVE TO PICK UP MY WORK CLOTHES AT THE DRY CLEANERS,

THEN I HAVE TO DRIVE INTO THE CITY

FOR THE LUNCH SHIFT AT THE RESTAURANT,

BACK HERE FOR CLASS, THEN BACK INTO THE CITY FOR THE DINNER SHIFT.

SO BETWEEN PARKING, GAS, TOLLS, AND DRY CLEANING,

I SHOULD CLEAR A GOOD $7.00 TODAY.

BETTER THAN NOTHING.

HOW ARE YOU DOING ON THE BAR'S BILLS?

GREAT, FINE. JUST BILLS, BILLS. SAME.

LET ME SEE. OH, GOD.

THIS BAR IS MILKING US DRY.

WE'RE JUST HAVING A LITTLE ROUGH PATCH.

BUT IT'S GONNA GET BETTER IN 6 MONTHS.

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID 6 MONTHS AGO

AND 6 MONTHS BEFORE THAT.

LOOK, WE CAN'T GIVE UP BEFORE THE MIRACLE.

THIS PLACE IS JUST ABOUT TO TAKE OFF.

IT'S VIRTUALLY RAT-FREE.

THAT KIND OF THING GETS AROUND.

YOU KNOW, WE HAVE 3 KIDS IN SCHOOL. WE HAVE ME IN SCHOOL.

PLUS, WE HAVE THOSE FRIVOLOUS THINGS,

LIKE UNDERWEAR AND SHOES.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, JUST WALK WAY? I CAN'T.

YOU'VE GIVEN THIS BAR A GREAT SHOT.

YOU'VE GIVE IT 6 MONTHS AT LEAST 4 TIMES.

MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU THOUGHT ABOUT

GOING BACK TO WORK AS AN ELECTRICIAN.

AND WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE ME?

THE RED BOOT IS OUR DREAM.

COME ON, EDDIE. YOU WERE THE ONE

WHO WANTED TO BURN THE DREAM DOWN, REMEMBER?

I DIDN'T, DID I? YOU KNOW WHY?

UH, BECAUSE IT'S ARSON?

NO. BECAUSE IT'S GIVEN ME

A REASON TO GET UP IN THE MORNING.

THE RED BOOT IS WHO I AM.

WHY DO YOU WANT TO TAKE AWAY WHO I AM?

I CAN'T GO BACK TO GRUNT WORK, HUH?

WE PRACTICALLY GREW UP AT THE RED BOOT.

OUR GRANDFATHER PADDY USED TO TAKE US DOWN THERE.

GRANTED, HE WASN'T THE BEST BABY-SITTER IN THE WORLD,

BUT WE'VE BEEN GOING THERE SINCE WE WERE THIS HIGH.

COME ON, BABY, AND NOW WE OWN THE PLACE.

DON'T MAKE ME THE BAD GUY.

I DIDN'T DO THIS. YOU DID THIS.

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF HAVING TO GO TO BED EVERY NIGHT

PRAYING TO GOD THAT OUR KIDS DON'T GET SICK OR--OR HUNGRY!

OK, YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT, OK?

AND YOU'VE BEEN VERY PATIENT.

FORGET 6 MONTHS. HOW ABOUT JUST 2 WEEKS? JUST 2 WEEKS?

UNTIL ST. PATTY'S DAY.

FOR AN IRISH BAR, ST. PATRICK'S DAY IS LIKE OUR CHRISTMAS SEASON.

I GUESS...

IF WE DON'T MAKE ST. PATRICK'S DAY WORK, YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT.

THAT PLACE WILL NEVER WORK, AND WE'LL WALK AWAY.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I GOT TO GET GOING.

Brad: CHECK THIS OUT.

THE DANCE SQUAD IS GOING TO HAVE

THE COOLEST FLOAT IN THE ENTIRE PARADE.

SOUNDS GREAT.

THIS IS HISTORIC.

IT'S THE FIRST TIME THE SCIENCENAUTS

HAVE EVER TEAMED UP WITH THE DANCE SQUAD... OR, YOU KNOW, GIRLS.

WOW! THIS IS REALLY ELABORATE.

YEAH! THIS IS OUR GIANT ANIMATRONIC ST. PATRICK.

AND WITH THIS HYDRAULIC ARM,

HE'S BECKONING THE SNAKES OUT OF IRELAND, SEE?

YEAH, THAT'S GREAT.

THE ONLY THING I DON'T SEE ON THE DANCE SQUAD FLOAT

IS ROOM FOR THE DANCE SQUAD.

OH, WE COULD PROBABLY TAKE OUT A COUPLE SNAKES.

OR YOU COULD DO THIS...

OK. BUT, SEE, ACCORDING TO SCALE,

THAT WOULD BE A 90-FOOT PLATFORM SUPPORTED BY NOTHING.

OH, YOU'VE ADDED A SMALL WHEEL.

PROBLEM SOLVED.

COME ON, BRAD, YOU GUYS CAN MAKE IT WORK.

YOU'RE THE SCIENCE NERDS.

NAUTS. WHAT DID I SAY?

I LOVE YOU.

NOW, WE KNOW THAT T.J. SHENANIGAN'S

IS GONNA GO ALL-OUT FOR ST. PATRICK'S DAY.

WE HAVE TO DO THEM ONE BETTER.

THEY'RE A HUGE CHAIN. WE HAVE VERY LITTLE CASH TO WORK WITH.

ALL WE NEED IS A LITTLE BIT OF PROMOTION.

WE CAN BRING BACK THE DANCING LEPRECHAUN.

I DON'T THINK SO.

BOY, THAT KID COULD REALLY JAKE.

[IRISH ACCENT] YOU'RE ALWAYS AFTER ME LUCKY CHARMS.

NO, I'M NOT. LEAVE ME ALONE.

AYE, BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? SCOTTY'S SCOTTISH!

THAT'S ILLOGICAL, CAPTAIN.

OK, THAT IS SPOCK.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR ST. PATRICK'S DAY TO BE OVER!

HEY. AT LEAST YOUR BROTHER'S GOT SOME SPIRIT.

I'M GONNA GO TAKE THE HIGH ROAD.

COME ON, LET THE KID DANCE. IT'S IN HIS BLOOD.

I DON'T THINK SO.

MR. FINNERTY, CHECK OUT OUR FLOAT.

SEE, THAT'S THE KIND OF PROMOTION WE'RE AFTER.

YOU GUYS NEED A SPONSOR?

YEAH, THAT'D BE GREAT.

I'LL GIVE YOU 50 BUCKS TO PUT A RED BOOT PUB BANNER ON THIS THING.

I DON'T KNOW IF IT'LL FIT, THOUGH.

SURE IT WILL. WATCH.

JUST DO IT LIKE THIS...

OH, YEAH. AN 80-FOOT SIGN ATTACHED BY A SQUIGGLE!

HE'LL WORK IT OUT.

ALL RIGHT, I'M DONE WITH THE DECORATIONS. CAN I GO HOME?

JIMMY, GROSS. IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE DOING EACH OTHER.

WHO CARES?

HEY, I CARE, OK? IT'S ST. PATTY'S DAY. SHOW A LITTLE SPIRIT.

CUSTOMERS ARE COMING IN 10 MINUTES.

THEY DON'T WANNA SEE LEPRECHAUN-ON- LEPRECHAUN ACTION.

HEY, EVERYBODY, HOW'S IT GOING? UH-OH, JIMMY.

OW! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANY GREEN. I GET TO PINCH YOU.

THIS IS SUCH A GREAT HOLIDAY.

LILY, LET'S GET GOING. PARADE'S ABOUT TO START.

IT'S STARTS, LIKE, IN 2 HOURS.

I KNOW, BUT I'M A LITTLE ANXIOUS.

WHY? IT'S JUST A STUPID PARADE.

IT IS NOT JUST A STUPID PARADE, OK?

THE STAKES ARE HIGH. VERY, VERY HIGH.

AND I HAVEN'T EXACTLY HAD A LOT OF HELP.

OH, MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE NOT HAVING TO PAY TO SEE THIS.

PLEASE DON'T TALK.

WHEN I REMEMBER THIS MOMENT LATER,

I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE IN IT.

GUYS, GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME. WHAT IS THIS?

COME ON, YOU'RE GIVING ST. PATTY A BOOB.

HOW'S IT COMING, BRAD?

VERY WELL, SISTER HELEN.

GOOD. I HEAR ST. DOMINIC'S FLOAT THIS YEAR

HAS A WATERFALL AND A HUMAN RAINBOW.

WE'RE GONNA BLOW THEM A-- BLOW THEM AWAY.

GOOD. I WANT THAT TROPHY. SHOW NO MERCY.

I'VE GOT MY BEST MEN ON IT.

PANTIES, 2:00.

FOCUS! COME ON!

WE'VE GOT THE PRIDE OF THE ENTIRE SCHOOL RIDING ON THIS FLOAT.

COME ON, I WANT TO RUN ONE MORE SET OF DIAGNOSTICS

BEFORE "GO" TIME.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.

OW! GOD!

HEY, GUYS.

TOP O' THE MORNIN' TO YOU.

YOU'RE TAKING HENRY TO THE PARADE, OK?

GOD, I HATE ST. PATRICK'S DAY.

WHOA. YOUR GREAT-GRANDFATHER WENT THROUGH HELL

COMING OVER HERE FROM IRELAND.

AND HE USED TO TAKE ME AND EDDIE

TO ALL THE ST. PATRICK'S DAY PARADES.

THAT WAS A MAN WHO EMBRACED HIS HERITAGE, HUH?

WE GOT GREAT SEATS FOR THE PARADE, HUH, LADS?

IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE IRISH.

AAH! IT'S A MAGIC WEE LITTLE PERSON FROM IRELAND.

COME HERE, COME HERE.

AH, HA HA HA. GIVE US A KISS, HUH?

GRANDPA, BUT THERE'S NO--

SHH! LET HIM BE. JUST LET HIM BE.

SO THE POINT IS, I COME FROM A LONG LINE OF PSYCHOTICS?

NO. THE POINT IS,

IT MEANT A LOT TO YOUR GREAT-GRANDFATHER TO BE IRISH.

HEY, ST. PATTY'S DAY WASN'T ALWAYS CELEBRATED IN THIS TOWN.

WHEN YOUR GREAT-GRANDFATHER FIRST CAME HERE,

THERE WERE SIGNS IN THE WINDOWS THAT SAID,

"IRISH NEED NOT APPLY,"

BUT DID THAT STOP HIM FROM GOING AFTER THOSE JOBS?

NO, AND YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE HE WAS ILLITERATE.

OK, DAMN RIGHT, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

THE POINT IS, HE FOUGHT TO MAKE A BETTER LIFE FOR HIMSELF

AND FOR HIS KIDS AND THEIR KIDS, LIKE YOU,

AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN WEARING GREEN, JIMMY.

OUCH. THANK YOU, CLAUDIA.

EDDIE?

YEAH.

IS THAT A T.J. SHENANIGAN'S UNIFORM?

YEP. YOU'RE LOOKING AT ONE OF SHENANIGAN'S

CERTIFIED "FUN-DAMENTALISTS."

IT WAS FOR A GOOD CAUSE.

WHAT CAUSE?

REGGIE AND I WENT UNDERCOVER FOR SOME CORPORATE ESPIONAGE.

HI. WELCOME TO T.J. SHENANIGAN'S, WHERE THE FUN NEVER ENDS.

CAN I START YOU OFF WITH A DRINK?

HOW ABOUT A PINT OF IRISH ALE?

AUTHENTIC IRISH ALE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, ED?

WE DON'T HAVE ANY AUTHENTIC IRISH ALE.

ARE YOU SERIOUS, REGGIE?

IF YOU WANT THAT, YOU HAVE TO GO DOWN TO THE RED BOOT PUB.

RED BOOT PUB? THAT AUTHENTIC IRISH PUB AROUND THE CORNER?

THAT'S THE ONE. WHO KNEW?

SORRY FOR THE HOLD-UP. IT'S BEEN CRAZY AROUND HERE TODAY.

THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT GAVE US AN "F."

IF YOU WANT SANITARY, GO TO THE RED BOOT PUB.

THE AUTHENTIC IRISH PUB AROUND THE CORNER?

THAT'S THE ONE.

* HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY *

* HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY *

HOORAY! HOORAY!

HERE WE GO, YOUR COMPLIMENTARY HOT FUDGE FUNDAE.

THE AUTHENTIC IRISH PUB AROUND THE CORNER?

A LITTLE EARLY, REG.

DID THEY MAKE YOU DO THE SHENANI-GRIN?

AND THE T.J. SHUFFLE.

I'M NOT PROUD OF IT, BUT I DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

SO, HEY, WHEN'S REGGIE GETTING HERE?

ABOUT THAT--WE HAVE A PROBLEM, SEAN.

WHAT? REGGIE DECIDED TO STAY AT T.J. SHENANIGAN'S.

WHY?!

SOME CRAP ABOUT HEALTH INSURANCE

AND PAYCHECKS THAT CLEAR.

IT'S JUST GONNA BE THE TWO OF US?

I KNOW. IT'S NOT IDEAL.

NO, IT'S ST. PATRICK'S DAY.

WE CAN'T DO IT WITH JUST THE TWO OF US.

I'M OFF TO THE LIBRARY TO STUDY FOR MY MIDTERM.

I HAVE MY CELL ON IF YOU NEED ME. WE NEED YOU.

WHAT?

SEE, REGGIE KIND OF FLAKED, AND WE REALLY NEED YOU.

YOU HAVE A BACK-UP, RIGHT?

NO, NO, AND IT'S JUST YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL,

AND YOU'RE SO GOOD AT THIS STUFF,

AND YOU'RE SO PRETTY,

AND THE CUSTOMERS LOVE YOU SO MUCH. WE'RE DESPERATE.

IT'S ST.PATRICK'S DAY, AND THE CROWD'S COMING THROUGH ANY MINUTE.

CAN YOU PLEASE JUST STAY AND HELP US, PLEASE, PLEASE?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY NO?

YOU CAN'T. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING YES.

I'M GONNA GO GET THE BEER.

YOU OWE ME... I KNOW, I KNOW.

BIG.

EDDIE, SHOULD I PUT OUT SOME PRETZELS?

WE DON'T HAVE ANY PRETZELS.

PEANUTS?

NO, BUT THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

ED!

DID YOU BRING IN THE BEER? NO.

THERE ARE NO KEGS OUT THERE. DID THE DISTRIBUTOR COME?

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT GUY.

IF HE THINKS HE'S GONNA GET

THAT 2 GRAND WE OWE HIM NOW, HE'S NUTS.

NO. OH, GOD, NO. NO, NO, NO!

NO.

OH, NO, NO, NO!

THANK GOD ONE OF THEM WORKS.

NO!

DAMN IT, ED. WE'RE SCREWED.

WE'RE NOT SCREWED.

HEY, A ROUND OF BEERS.

NOW WE'RE SCREWED.

HONEY, ALL OF THESE PEOPLE ARE WAITING FOR BEER.

DON'T WORRY. I FOUND A 12-PACK.

A 12-PACK SHOULD LAST US ABOUT 20 SECONDS.

OH, NO. WE'RE GONNA STRETCH IT OUT.

ALL RIGHT, WHOO! HERE YOU GO.

ALL RIGHT.

EW. THIS BEER TASTES KIND OF FUNNY.

THAT'S THE GREEN. ERIN GO BRAGH.

SEAN, WE'RE IN BUSINESS.

ALL RIGHT, YOU FOUND BEER. I MEAN...MORE BEER.

I HAD 3 OF THESE THINGS SAVED UP IN THE BACK

FOR A RAINY DAY.

ED, THAT'S NON-ALCOHOLIC BEER.

IT'S NOT RAINING, EITHER.

I'LL TAP IT.

CLAUDIA, WE GOT A SITUATION IN THE LADIES' ROOM.

CODE VOMIT.

GEE, THAT'S A HARD CODE TO CRACK.

I WAS TRYING TO BE DELICATE.

YOU GO TAKE CARE OF THAT, AND I'LL MAN THE BAR.

OH, NO. I'M NOT GOOD AT VOMIT.

AND I AM?

YOU GOT 3 KIDS. I KNOW THEY MUST VOMIT.

EVERY TIME I GO OVER TO YOUR HOUSE,

I NEVER SEE ANY, SO I REALLY RESPECT THAT.

GEE, THANKS.

THANK YOU.

HEY, JIMMY, HENRY, HOW WAS THE PARADE?

IT WAS AWFUL. I GOT PINCHED, AND I GOT PUNCHED.

A GUY IN A WHEELCHAIR TRIED TO BITE ME.

YEAH, WE SAW A POLICEMAN GIVING HIS HORSE BEER.

OH, REALLY? YEAH.

YEAH. THE WHOLE THING MADE ME EMBARRASSED TO BE IRISH.

HO! HO. NEVER BE EMBARRASSED TO BE IRISH.

HUH?

UH, DAD, NOT THE DRUM.

IT'S NOT A DRUM, JIM. IT'S A BODHRAN,

THE KIND YOUR IRISH ANCESTORS PLAYED.

COME ON, PEOPLE. GIMME A CLAP.

JIMMY!

JIMMY, COME BACK IN HERE RIGHT NOW!

AW, DAD, DON'T STOP. I WAS STARTING TO FEEL IT.

EDDIE, I CAN'T FIND THE MOP.

OH...HERE.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE EVER EXAMINED A MOP,

BUT ONE OF THE NICER FEATURES IS THE LONG STICK

BETWEEN THE PERSON AND THE VOMIT.

I'M FAMILIAR WITH A MOP.

WE HAD ONE 3 WEEKS AGO, BUT IT BROKE.

DIDN'T YOU BUY A NEW ONE?

IT'S ON THE LIST, ALL RIGHT?

NO, NO, THAT'S NOT ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T WANT IT ON THE LIST. I WANT YOU TO HAVE A MOP.

WHAT'S GOING ON? WE GOT A PROBLEM.

CODE CLAUDIA.

WHAT IS WRONG? WHAT IS RIGHT?

WOULD YOU LOOK AROUND YOU? THIS PLACE IS HOPELESS.

BABY, COME ON, IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU ARE COMPLETELY DISORGANIZED.

YOU DON'T PAY YOUR BILLS,

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY EMPLOYEES,

NO BEER, NO MOP,

AND THE HE ONLY SYSTEM YOU SEEM TO HAVE

IS TO PUT THE WORD "CODE" IN FRONT OF THINGS.

OK, SO WE'VE MADE A FEW MISTAKES.

IT'S NOT EASY RUNNING A BAR.

HONEY, YOU'RE NOT RUNNING A BAR. YOU'RE OCCUPYING A BAR.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN BEHIND THIS PLACE.

I HAVE TRIED. YOU NEED TO FACE THE FACTS.

YOU'VE PUT ALL OF OUR MONEY

AND ALL OF YOUR ENERGY INTO THIS THING.

THE ONLY TIME I EVER SEE YOU IS WHEN YOU'RE PAYING THE BILLS

OR WE'RE FIGHTING ABOUT THE BILLS,

AND WE ARE FIGHTING A LOT.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

WHAT AM I, JUST SUPPOSED TO SELL IT AND WALK AWAY?

YES. LET'S JUST LEAVE IT BEHIND. IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON.

I CAN'T, BABY. WE ARE SO CLOSE.

I CAN. I CAN'T SIT HERE AND WATCH YOU

SINK EVERYTHING INTO THIS HOPELESS FANTASY.

HEY, CLAUDIA, YOU KNOW, IF YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR,

DON'T EXPECT YOUR JOB TO BE WAITING FOR YOU HERE TOMORROW.

GOD...

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, SEAN.

SO SHE DOESN'T WANNA BE ON THE TEAM? BIG DEAL.

THIS IS WHAT YOU AND I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED.

YEAH, THIS IS OUR DREAM.

THAT'S RIGHT. WE GOT A PROBLEM IN THE LADIES' ROOM.

CODE VOMIT? YEAH.

GO CLEAN UP THE DREAM.

LISTEN, IT WAS NEVER BUILT

FOR YOU TO DO WHAT YOU WERE DOING ON IT.

YOU MEAN DANCING ON THE DANCE SQUAD FLOAT?

WHAT HAPPENED? AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE PARADE?

YEAH, THE PARADE ENDED EARLY FOR US.

[BAGPIPES AND DRUMS PLAYING]

[HORN HONKS]

COME ON! LET'S PICK UP THE PACE!

SISTER HELEN, YOU'RE GETTING PRETTY CLOSE TO THAT BAGPIPER THERE.

WELL, HE SHOULD MARCH FASTER.

I WANT TO GET TO THE REVIEWING STAND

WHILE THE JUDGES CAN STILL SEE STRAIGHT.

[HONK]

SISTER HELEN, WE'RE DOING GOOD.

EVERYONE LOVES US.

[CROWD CHEERING]

AAH!

AAH!

OH, LOOK OUT!

AAH! AAH!

STOP!

WAIT A MINUTE. ST. PATRICK WAS GIVING EVERYBODY THE PEACE SIGN?

YEAH, FOR A MINUTE.

OH, MY GOD!

[CROWD BOOING]

WHY ARE THEY BOOING?

ST. PATRICK IS DOWN TO ONE FINGER,

AND IT'S THE BAD ONE

HOLY--

WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

I'M OUTTA HERE.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! WHAT?!

I CAN'T BE ASSOCIATED WITH THIS.

BUT I'M NOT INSURED TO DRIVE THIS THING!

THE LORD WILL PROTECT YOU.

[BOOING]

BOO!

BOO!

SO ST. PATRICK FLIPPED OFF THE WHOLE PARADE?

IT WAS BRAD'S FAULT.

YOU WERE THE ONE WHO STARTED PULLING ITS FINGERS OFF.

WELL, I TRIED TO PULL OFF THE MIDDLE ONE,

BUT IT WAS MADE OF STEEL.

YEAH, THAT WAS THE ANCHOR FINGER.

TECHNICALLY, IT WAS BRILLIANT.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

SHH! HE'S NOT CHECKING I.D.s!

DUDE, I AM HAMMERED!

ME, TOO!

ED, HOW'S IT GOIN'?

SO FAR, SO GOOD.

HEY, YOU'RE NOT SERVING BRAD'S FRIENDS BEER, ARE YOU?

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? IT'S NON-ALCOHOLIC.

IT'S NON-ALCOHOLIC BEER?

SHH! YOU KNOW WHAT'S WEIRD?

ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE ACTING LIKE THEY'RE DRUNK.

YEAH, I TOLD YOU. IT'S THE POWER OF SUGGESTION.

HEY, BUDDY!

HEY, YOU, YEAH.

YOU BETTER NOT BE DRIVING, DRUNK BASTARD.

[COINS HITTING POT]

OUCH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU'RE NOT WEARING GREEN.

FINE, OK?

I GOT A SHAMROCK NOW.

I'M IN THE CLUB. HAPPY?

WE CAN RUN AROUND TOGETHER PINCHING PEOPLE

'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT DRESSED LIKE MORONS.

OW!

I'M WEARING GR-- ASHLEY?

HEY, JIMMY. "KISS ME, I'M IRISH."

OK.

SORRY. I'M A LITTLE BUZZED.

ANOTHER ROUND!

OH, HEY, LILY.

WHAT?

LISTEN, I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU

I'M SORRY ABOUT THE FLOAT.

IT'S OK.

FRIENDS?

SURE.

HEY, WHOA! WHOA! WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

HEY, MAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOIN'!

I'M DRUNK!

YOU'RE NOT DRUNK, YOU DORK!

IT'S NON-ALCOHOLIC BEER.

WHOA! SO WE'RE NOT DRUNK?

NO, NOT AT ALL.

WHAT AN INTERESTING PHENOMENON.

OW!

SORRY, DUDE. HAD TO BE DONE.

HEY, THAT GIRL SAID THIS IS NON-ALCOHOLIC BEER.

WHAT?

HEY, BUDDY!

IS THIS FAKE BEER?

I DON'T FEEL DRUNK.

WHAT'S THAT? YOU'RE SLURRING YOUR WORDS.

I'M CUTTING YOU OFF.

HEY, THIS STUFF IS FAKE.

THIS IS A RIP-OFF, MAN.

WHAT? IT'S--

OK, OK, IT'S NON-ALCOHOLIC BEER.

OHH! COME ON!

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! WAIT A MINUTE! THERE'S--

IS ST. PATRICK'S DAY ALL ABOUT GETTING DRUNK?

YES! YES!

Sean: NO, IT'S NOT!

YOU THINK WHEN ST. PATRICK, WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE BOY,

HIS WRISTS WERE BOUND,

HE WAS DRAGGED ACROSS THE ENGLISH CHANNEL,

YOU THINK HE WAS DRUNK?

HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN!

WE SHOULD KICK YOUR ASS!

YEAH! YEAH!

HOLD ON! THERE'S A GOOD REASON FOR THIS,

AND YOU SHOULD KICK MY ASS

IF IT WASN'T FOR THIS REASON, BUT--

WE'VE GOT REAL BEER, FOLKS!

[CHEERING]

WHOO! HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY.

OH, YOU JUST SAVE MY ASS.

YEAH. HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME?

I LOVE YOU. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

AFTER OUR FIGHT, I NEEDED A DRINK--

A REAL DRINK.

HI. WELCOME TO T.J. SHENANIGAN'S.

HI. BEER, PLEASE, FUN SIZE.

HELLO. HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY.

YOU COMING FROM THE PARADE?

UH, NO. COMING FROM THE RED BOOT PUB.

OH, GOOD MOVE COMIN' OVER HERE.

THAT PLACE IS LAME.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THOSE GUYS ARE LOSERS.

[LAUGHTER]

EXCUSE ME?

THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING OVER THERE.

THOSE GUYS ARE PATHETIC.

THEY'RE PATHETIC?

NO, ARE PATHETIC. THAT'S WHAT I THINK.

THOSE GUYS MIGHT HAVE A FEW PROBLEMS AT THE RED BOOT,

BUT AT LEAST THEY BELIEVE IN THEIR PLACE.

THEY TAKE PRIDE IN IT.

THOSE GUYS ARE FOLLOWING A DREAM.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING, HUH?

LOOK AT YOU.

THERE'S AN AUTHENTIC IRISH PUB

WITH HISTORY AND CHARACTER

RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.

BUT, NO, YOU'RE SITTING HERE

IN AN ICE CREAM PARLOR WITH A LIQUOR LICENSE,

PAYING 9 BUCKS FOR SOMETHING CALLED A "BANANA SHENAQUIRI"?

YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE DRINKING AT THE AIRPORT.

LOSERS.

OH!

ATTENTION, PLEASE.

EVERYBODY? THIS PLACE SUCKS.

YOU'D COMMIT A FELONY FOR ME?

NO, I DID IT FOR YOUR STUPID BAR AND YOUR STUPID DREAM.

THANKS, BABY.

Eddie: THANKS, CLAUD.

YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN TO STEAL A MOP, TOO, DID YOU?

NO.

OK.

WOW, WHEN'S THE LAST TIME WE DID THIS?

MADE OUT ON A GIANT SAINT?

WELL, IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

IT'S NICE.

YOU KNOW, BABY, ABOUT THE BAR,

REALLY, IF I HAD 6 MONTHS--

SEAN, YOU CAN HAVE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU WANT.

REALLY?

YEAH.

I LOVE YOU, AND YOU LOVE THE BAR,

SO I GUESS...

NO. NO, I STILL HATE THE BAR,

BUT I LOVE YOU, AND IT'S YOUR DREAM.

I DO HAVE ANOTHER DREAM.

MM-HMM?

I THINK WE JUST DID YOUR DREAM.

IT'S RECURRING.