Original subtitles

THAT DOCTOR DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL HE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

YOU NEED TO RELAX.

I AM RELAXED! NO, YOU'RE NOT RELAXED.

YOU'RE ALL RED. YOUR FACE IS THE COLOR OF A HAM.

OK. OK. HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO RELAX ME?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

Sean: NOTHING!

THEN WHY DOES THAT BACK OF YOUR NECK LOOK LIKE A BLOOD ORANGE?

GOD, WILL YOU STOP IT? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

SEE? YOU'RE NOT RELAXED.

YEAH, BECAUSE EVERYONE KEEPS SAYING I LOOK LIKE FOOD!

WE'RE JUST CONCERNED.

ABOUT WHAT?

WE WENT TO DR. PERRY'S FOR OUR INSURANCE PHYSICALS.

IT WAS NO BIG DEAL.

IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE.

OK, MRS. FINNERTY, YOUR HEALTH IS PERFECT.

OF COURSE IT IS. WE'RE A HEALTHY, HIGHLY-INSURABLE COUPLE.

YEAH...MR. FINNERTY, YOU'RE BASICALLY FINE, TOO,

THOUGH YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE IS 165 OVER 90, WHICH IS HIGH.

IS THAT DANGEROUS?

COULD BE.

HYPERTENSION DOES PUT YOU IN A HIGHER-RISK CATEGORY.

WELL, WE KIND OF HAD A HIGH-PRESSURE MORNING.

YOU KNOW, IT TOOK US OVER 1/2 HOUR TO FIND A PARKING SPACE AND,

I MEAN, THAT'S GONNA BE WORTH, WHAT? 20, 30 POINTS?

WHY DON'T YOU PUT ME DOWN FOR 130 OVER SOMETHING NORMAL?

IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

WHAT CAN WE DO TO LOWER HIS BLOOD PRESSURE?

WELL, A CHANGE OF DIET, MORE EXERCISE,

UH, REDUCING STRESS.

OH, GOD, OF COURSE YOU'RE GONNA BE SAYING JUNK LIKE THAT. HUH?

YOU DON'T GET PAID IF EVERYBODY'S HEALTHY. IS THAT IT, JACK?

I MEAN, THAT'S WHY THEY PUT THOSE NUMBERS SO LOW.

JUST-- JUST CALM DOWN.

I AM CALM, BABY, BUT THE GOOD DOCTOR HERE

IS TRYING TO RUN A BLOOD PRESSURE SCAM

TO JACK UP OUR INSURANCE RATES!

IS THAT IT, CHIEF?

WHAT IF I TOOK YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE?

THEN MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T BE SO QUICK TO JUDGE, HUH?

HOW ABOUT IT? I DON'T THINK SO.

YEAH. YEAH, YOU KNOW WHY? 'CAUSE YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT!

SEAN! BABY, HE KNOWS I'M RIGHT! COME ON!

OK, YOU REALLY NEED TO RELAX.

I'LL RELAX WHEN YOU ROLL UP YOUR DAMN SLEEVE AND GIVE ME YOUR ARM.

BACK OFF!

AND GUESS WHAT.

HIS BLOOD PRESSURE WAS HIGH.

THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU WERE SITTING ON HIM WHEN YOU TOOK IT.

OK, SO HOW MUCH

IS THIS LITTLE BLOOD PRESSURE PROBLEM OF YOURS GONNA COST ME?

WHY? WHY? WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT?

THIS INSURANCE IS COMING FROM THE RED BOOT PUB, OF WHICH I OWN HALF.

YEAH, THAT BAR COVERS BOTH OF OUR INSURANCES.

BUT, YOU KNOW, AS HALF-OWNER, I PAY HALF,

AND I'M A SINGLE, HEALTHY GUY.

YOU--YOU SUDDENLY HAVE ALL THESE ISSUES

PLUS, YOU GOT A WIFE, AND YOU'RE HAVING KIDS

LIKE THERE'S SOME KIND OF CONTEST.

YOU RUN EVERYTHING THROUGH THE BAR.

THE BAR BOUGHT YOU THAT SHIRT.

THIS IS A UNIFORM.

OH, YEAH?

WHAT ABOUT YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO PLAYBOY?

THAT'S WHERE I GET ALL THE OFF-COLOR JOKES

OUR CUSTOMERS HAVE COME TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY.

THE INSURANCE COMPANY AGREED TO LET SEAN RETAKE THE TEST NEXT WEEK.

SO IF HIS BLOOD PRESSURE GOES DOWN, YOU'RE FINE.

HE JUST NEEDS TO STAY AWAY FROM STRESS,

EXERCISE A LITTLE MORE, AND WATCH HIS DIET.

MM-HMM.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

THIS SALT SHAKER IS A LOADED GUN, SEAN.

YOU DO USE A LOT OF SALT.

YEAH, I LIKE SALT!

I CAN'T AFFORD YOUR SALT HABIT!

I CAN'T AFFORD YOUR PLAYBOY HABIT!

HEY! HEY, HEY! EDDIE...

THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF STRESS HE NEEDS TO AVOID.

BABY, I AM NOT STRESSED!

I AM JUST EXPRESSING MYSELF

IN THE WAY I KNOW HOW.

OK? AND I THINK IT'S VERY HEALTHY TO VENT.

YOU VENT A LOT.

THIS WEEK, YOU VENTED AT THE KIDS, THE MAILMAN,

THE WAITER AT CONTE'S, MAYOR BLOOMBERG,

AND THAT COLA WITH THE LEMON ALREADY IN IT.

OH, GOD. THAT COLA DOES NOT TASTE LIKE LEMON. IT TASTES LIKE PLEDGE. OK?

I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU, ALL RIGHT?

STRESS KILLS PEOPLE.

OK. OK, BABY. I'LL LOWER MY BLOOD PRESSURE FOR YOU.

OK? AND THE SECOND WE LOCK INTO A LOWER PREMIUM,

I'M GONNA EAT A FISTFUL OF BACON RIGHT IN THAT STUPID DOCTOR'S FACE.

NO. JOKING. JOKING.

WHERE'S THE NORDIC TRACK?

MMM, IN THE ATTIC, UNDERNEATH THE AB-PUNCHER

AND THE ELLIPTICAL PEC-FLEX.

I'M GONNA USE ALL THREE.

EDDIE, I NEED YOU TO HELP ME ON THIS.

ABSOLUTELY, BUT, YOU KNOW,

YOU GOTTA PLAY YOUR PART, TOO.

LOOK, I'M DOING WHATEVER I CAN.

GOOD! GOOD, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,

IT'S BEEN CLINICALLY PROVEN

THAT SEXUAL ACTIVITY REDUCES STRESS.

OK, THANK YOU.

I'M NOT KIDDING. I MEAN, YOU KNOW,

YOU CAN'T BE PHONING IT IN.

YOU HAVE TO REALLY...

ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVES AND GET NASTY.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SAVING A GUY'S LIFE HERE!

HEY, MOM, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED AT SCHOOL TODAY.

JIMMY GOT SUSPENDED!

HEY! I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T GOING TO SAY ANYTHING.

YEAH, I KNOW. I'M A LIAR.

WHAT DID YOU DO?

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

HEY. WHAT ARE YOU READING?

OF MICE AND MEN.

I HATE THAT BOOK.

I HATE THAT BOOK, TOO.

YOU WANT A SMOKE?

SURE. YEAH. YEAH.

'CAUSE...I SMOKE.

A LOT.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT CANCER

OR ANY OF THAT STUFF.

YOU WERE SMOKING?

THAT HAD ALMOST NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

GOOD STUFF.

SO...STEINBECK

WHAT A LOSER.

OH, MY GOD.

NOW THE KIDS ARE CALLING HIM SPARKY.

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SMOKING IN THE FIRST PLACE.

NO, I WAS FAKING IT!

AND I THINK THAT SHOWS REAL CHARACTER.

YOUR DAD CANNOT FIND OUT ABOUT THIS, ALL RIGHT?

HE CAN'T?

NO. WE WENT TO THE DOCTOR. HE HAD A PHYSICAL.

HE HAS HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, ALL RIGHT?

WE GOT TO MAKE SURE HE STAYS RELAXED.

HE HAS HYPERTENSION.

THAT'S SO AWESOME!

LOOK, EVERYBODY NEEDS TO BE

ON THEIR BEST BEHAVIOR, ALL RIGHT?

HE NEEDS TO STAY RELAXED. YOU GOT IT?

HEY, KIDS. HOW WAS SCHOOL?

HEY, SCHOOL WAS GREAT, WASN'T IT?

NOTHING TO REPORT. HOMEWORK DONE.

GET GOING.

BABY, DO YOU SMELL SMOKE? NO.

I WOULD SWEAR THAT THERE'S-- IT'S PROBABLY OUTSIDE.

NO, BUT IT WAS COMING FROM--

HEY, HOW ABOUT IF WE GO TO THE BASEMENT AND DO IT.

OH HO, YEAH.

SLOWER.

I'M TRYING.

SLOWER.

I CAN'T GO SLOWER!

HEY, MAN, JUST TAKE IT EASY, ALL RIGHT?

THERE'S ALWAYS SLOWER. NOW WATCH.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN MOVING.

I'M MOVING SLOWLY.

ALL RIGHT, LIKE THIS?

BREATHE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW DO DRAGON CHASING TAIL.

I DON'T KNOW THAT ONE.

LIKE SO. OK, DRAGON...

DRAGON...

CHASING...

CHASING...

TA-TAIL.

DAMN! THIS IS POINTLESS, MAN. THIS IS STUPID.

YEAH, OK. YEAH, 2 BILLION PEOPLE A DAY

ARE JUST SCREWING AROUND.

OK, IF THIS IS SO GREAT, WHY DON'T YOU DO THIS?

I DO IT ALL THE TIME. EVEN WHEN I STAND THERE,

I LOOK LIKE I'M DOING NOTHING,

I'M DOING IT.

OH. RIGHT.

MY DOCTOR TELLS ME

HE'S NEVER SEEN LOWER BLOOD PRESSURE

IN A LIVING THING.

NOW COME ON. LET'S DO, UH...

CRANE SPREADING WINGS.

CRANE SPREADS WINGS.

YEAH, COME ON. YOU KNOW IT.

[ASIAN ACCENT] OH, I AM THE BLIND CRANE.

I AM BUT A STRANGER TO THIS VILLAGE. HEH HEH HEH.

HOW'S YOUR MASTER'S LIVER?

HEH HEH. IT IS BETTER.

MUCH BETTER. HYAH! HA! HA!

CHA! CHA! OOH! EEE!

HOOAH, YAH...

MWAH...PSHT! PSHT!

I'M GONNA GET BY YOU NOW.

ALL RIGHT?

HYAH! HYUH!

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING DOWN THERE?

OH, IT'S TOUGH. IT'S TOUGH.

WELL, KEEP TRYING.

I WILL.

WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR HEAD?

OH. I'M GIVING MYSELF HIGHLIGHTS.

I THOUGHT YOU GET THAT DONE

AT THE BEAUTY PARLOR.

I COULDN'T GET TO THE BEAUTY PARLOR, OK?

WHY NOT?

WELL, FIRST OF ALL, 'CAUSE IT'S NOT 1950.

SECOND OF ALL, I HAVEN'T HAD ANY TIME.

KEEPING SEAN AWAY FROM STRESS

HAS BEEN A FULL-TIME JOB.

[WHISPERING] Oh, guys, just break it up!

OH, HEY, BRAD. HOW YOU DOING?

I CAN'T GO TO SCHOOL. I'M SUSPENDED.

I KNOW, BUT YOU JUST HAVE TO BE OUT OF THE HOUSE TILL 3:00.

WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO?

I DON'T KNOW, "SPARKY," JUST GO!

HEY, JIMBO, HAVE A GOOD ONE, HUH?

YEAH.

OH!

GOD ALMIGHTY! GO UPSTAIRS!

Claudia, whispering: Henry, what are you doing?

IS THAT MY CONTACT LENS?

YEAH. I WANT TO SEE DAD FREAK OUT

WHEN HE WAKES UP WITH SUPERHUMAN VISION.

[CRASH]

WHAT NOW?

OH, NO!

UH, WE WEREN'T DOING ANYTHING.

WELL, NOT NOTHING, BUT NOT EVERYTHING!

BRAD!

I JUST MEAN WHEN WE DO,

I-I'M VERY GENTLE.

THE LAST THING YOUR DAD NEEDS TO SEE RIGHT NOW

IS YOU TWO BREAKING BEDS.

JUST GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. GO DO SOMETHING ELSE.

LIKE WHAT? I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, CAN WE TAKE THE CAR?

NO. YOUR DAD DOESN'T WANT YOU DRIVING THE CAR.

OH, HE WON'T EVEN NOTICE.

WE'LL--WE'LL PUT IT IN NEUTRAL,

AND THEN WE'LL PUSH IT DOWN THE STREET,

AND WE WON'T START IT TILL WE GET IT AROUND THE CORNER.

HAVE YOU DONE THIS BEFORE?

NO.

FINE. GO, GO.

HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

NO! YOU NEED TO WAIT FOR ME IN THE BEDROOM.

WILL DO.

[BOTH GIGGLE]

GREAT. THERE GOES MY WHOLE AFTERNOON.

SO, SEE? SORRY IF I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME

TO GO TO THE BEAUTY PARLOR.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'LL GET IT. THANK YOU.

MR. FINNERTY? POTENTIALLY.

IS THIS YOUR SON?

JIMMY, WHAT HAPPENED?

I COULDN'T GO TO SCHOOL TODAY, MOM,

SO I HAD TO FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO.

HEY, SPARKY.

HEY.

YOU GET SUSPENDED, TOO?

YEAH. AGAIN.

YOU WANNA GO HAVE SOME REAL FUN?

THIS IS NOT AS MUCH FUN AS I'D HOPED!

JIMMY--I'M SO SORRY, OFFICER. I--

MA'AM, IS THERE SOME REASON THE BOY WASN'T IN SCHOOL TODAY?

I GOT SUSPENDED FOR STARTING A FIRE,

BUT MY MOM KICKED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE.

JIMMY!

WHICH--MY DAD'S GOT A REALLY VIOLENT TEMPER. HE--

OK, HE GETS IT. OK?

Sean: CLAUD, WHO'S AT THE DOOR?

IT'S DEBBIE!

NO OFFENSE.

LOOK, IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN SIGN OR SOMETHING?

NO, MA'AM.

FORTUNATELY, THE STORE MANAGER

DECIDED NOT TO PRESS CHARGES.

HOWEVER, I WOULD RECOMMEND THAT YOU AND YOUR SON HAVE--

OH, YEAH, WE WILL.

BECAUSE AT HIS AGE-- I KNOW!

ARE YOU GONNA TELL DAD?

NO, I'M NOT GONNA TELL DAD. I CAN'T TELL DAD.

GO UPSTAIRS AND PRETEND YOU'RE NOT IN TROUBLE, ALL RIGHT?

GO PLAY VIDEO GAMES.

OH...DO I HAVE TO?

YOU BETTER ENJOY THIS,

'CAUSE WHEN YOUR DAD'S BLOOD PRESSURE GOES DOWN,

YOU ARE DEAD MEAT.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

OK, THE FIRST THING THAT YOU HAVE TO KNOW

IS THAT EVERYBODY IS FINE.

GREAT. GREAT.

TELL ME THE SECOND THING I HAVE TO KNOW.

THAT I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY.

SOUNDS GREAT. FOR WHAT?

THE CAR'S AT THE IMPOUND LOT.

OH, HO HO! HO HO HO HO!

OH! HEE HEE.

YOU HAVE TO TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.

YOU'RE NOT MAD?

OH, YES! YES, I AM. VERY.

WHO IS IT?

[WHISPERING] It's Debbie.

WASN'T SHE JUST AT THE FRONT DOOR?

I'M ON THE PHONE.

GO AHEAD.

WELL, REMEMBER YOU TOLD US

NOT TO FOOL AROUND IN THE HOUSE?

WELL, WE WERE IN TOTAL COMPLIANCE.

Brad: LILY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Lily: THAT'S THE TIRE IRON.

OH. THANK GOD.

IS THE CAR MOVING?

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

NO, THE CAR IS MOVING.

HEY! HEY, THERE'S PEOPLE IN THIS CAR!

PUT US DOWN!

THAT IS REALLY GREAT. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.

WE WERE TRYING TO HELP DAD.

YEAH, IT'S REALLY SWEET. WHERE ARE YOU?

AT THE CORNER OF HENNESEY AND WALKER.

GREAT!

HEY, BABE, I'LL BE BACK IN A FEW. OK?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

OH, I'M GOING TO THE CD STORE. YOU KNOW?

ED TOLD ME TO PICK UP SOME YANNI.

HE SAID IT WOULD HELP ME WITH MY TAI CHI.

WELL, YOU'RE NOT GONNA GO IN THE SUBARU, ARE YOU?

DO WE HAVE ANOTHER CAR?

NO, BUT YOU CAN'T GO.

WHY NOT?

C-CAUSE YOU'RE ALL SWEATY.

SO WHAT, BABY? IT'S JUST THE CD STORE.

NO, NO, NO.

I MEAN YOU-- YOU ARE ALL SWEATY.

WHOO. HEH HEH.

LET'S GO UPSTAIRS. YEAH.

YEAH? OH, I'M IN THE MOOD.

WHOO!

YES! YES!

I'M GONNA BE A LITTLE LATE.

ALL RIGHT. THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD, OK?

A STRANGER STICKING NEEDLES INTO ME.

IT'S GONNA DO WONDERS FOR YOU, SEAN.

STEVE'S A MASTER OF ACUPUNCTURE.

ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO.

GAH! OW! OHH.

OK, WHERE DID THAT HURT?

WHERE YOU STUCK IT IN MY CHEST!

OH. OK. HOW ABOUT NOW?

AH! AH! AH, MY FOOT.

THAT'S WEIRD.

ALL RIGHT, ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

SEAN, DON'T INSULT THE MAN. HE'S KIND OF A DOCTOR.

I DON'T CARE, ED. THIS HURTS, MAN. THIS HURTS.

CALM DOWN. BACK IN THE ZONE.

[TELEPHONE RINGS] ZONE, ZONE, ZONE.

YEAH?

HEY, EDDIE, IT'S LILY.

HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHO IS IT?

IT'S DEBBIE. JUST FOCUS ON DESTRESSING.

DESTRESSING.

EDDIE, IS MY MOM STILL THERE?

NO, THAT PERSON LEFT AN HOUR AGO.

IN MY CAR.

GAH! OHH! OW. OW.

OK, OK. JUST BREATHE. YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

I THINK I PEED A LITTLE.

REALLY? HUH.

AH! AH! CAN YOU STOP DOING THAT, PLEASE?

JUST GO WITH IT. IT'S A NATURAL REACTION.

EVERYBODY DOES IT.

ON THIS TABLE?

NO. YOU'RE THE FIRST.

EDDIE, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE MY MOM MIGHT--

OH, MY GOD.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

UNCLE EDDIE. GIVE ME THAT.

EDDIE...

WHAT'S GOING ON?

YOU HAVE A VERY BAD CAR!

OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

[HORN HONKS]

OH, RELAX, YOU JERK!

[HONKS HORN, HORN DIES]

HI. CAN I PLEASE PLUG MY CAR INTO YOUR HOUSE?

I REALLY NEED SOME ELECTRICITY!

I'M IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.

OK, I'M NOT CRAZY. I'M NOT CRAZY.

LOOK, PLEASE, PLEASE PLUG THIS IN. PLEASE!

OH!

YOU RAT! AAH! AAH!

IT'S YOUR FAULT, CLAUDIA. I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE THE HORN

WHILE THE CAR WAS MOVING. IT'S NOT A CADILLAC.

NO, IT'S A PIECE OF CRAP,

AND IT'S SITTING OUTSIDE THE LIQUOR STORE ON STATE STREET.

GOOD-BYE.

MOM, I'M REALLY SORRY. CAN I ADJUST YOUR, UM...

CAN I, UH, FI-- YOU'RE FINE.

LET'S JUST GET THE CAR AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE,

WHILE I STILL HAVE WHAT'S LEFT OF MY MIND.

IS HER SKIRT ON BACKWARDS?

SHH!

HI, I NEED TO GET MY SUBARU.

OK.

THAT'S 250 FOR TOWING AND 100 FOR STORAGE.

$350? THAT CAR'S ONLY WORTH 500.

WELL, LEAVE IT ONE MORE DAY, AND WE'LL KEEP IT.

CALL IT EVEN.

ALL RIGHT, FINE.

WE DON'T TAKE CREDIT CARDS.

OH, COME ON. THAT IS CRAZY!

THAT'S CRAZY? LADY, YOU GOT TINFOIL IN YOUR HAIR.

LOOK, I DON'T HAVE ANY CASH ON ME, OK?

HOW ABOUT IF I TAKE THE CAR TO GET CASH,

AND I LEAVE YOU SOMETHING THAT'S WORTH 350 BUCKS.

BRAD, COME HERE.

NO CASH, NO CAR.

OH, LOOK...PLEASE,

COULD YOU JUST GIVE ME A BREAK HERE?

SORRY. CAN'T DO IT.

OK. I UNDERSTAND.

GIVE ME MY DAMN CAR!

OH, THAT AIN'T GONNA HELP.

MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL DAD.

NO! HE CAN'T HANDLE THIS KIND OF STRESS.

THIS IS JUST THE KIND OF THING THAT COULD PUT HIM OVER THE EDGE.

I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF THIS.

ARE YOU SURE?

BECAUSE, IF YOU DON'T MIND ME SAYING SO,

YOU SEEM A LITTLE NUTSO CRAZO.

I'M FINE! WHERE ARE THE KEYS?

UM, MOM, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

I'M GONNA BUST THIS CAR OUT OF THIS PLACE. COME ON! LET'S GO! GO!

MOM!

MOM, COME BACK!

LILY, YOUR MOM'S LOST IT!

HURRY UP! GET IN THE CAR! LET'S GO!

WE CAN'T DO THIS!

THEN I'M LEAVING WITHOUT YOU!

[DOG GROWLS]

[RUFF]

AAH! AAH!

AAH! OH, GOD! OHH!

[LILY SCREAMING]

I THINK IT'S TIME TO CALL MY DAD.

YEAH, I'D SAY SO.

[DOG GROWLS]

[TELEPHONE RINGS] YEAH?

EDDIE, IS MY DAD THERE?

HE'S A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW.

AAH! AH!

DID THAT ONE HURT?

THEY ALL HURT!

WELL, THEY ARE NEEDLES.

OH, GOD. ENOUGH.

UHH. ENOUGH. STOP IT!

DOES THIS GUY EVEN HAVE A LICENSE?

YES.

IN THE STATE OF NEW YORK?

NO.

IN ANY STATE IN THE UNITED STATES?

YES. THE U.S. VIRGIN ISLANDS.

OK, PAL, THAT'S NOT A STATE.

WE HAVE A CONGRESSMAN.

SEAN, YOU'RE GETTING FREE ACUPUNCTURE HERE.

EDDIE, PLEASE! MY DAD!

OK, HOLD ON A SEC.

AAH! IS THERE ANY LESS PAINFUL WAY TO TAKE THESE OUT?

I DON'T KNOW. WHY DON'T YOU ASK A GUY WITH A LICENSE?

OHH. HELLO?

DADDY! HEH. YOU BUSY?

[SHUDDERS]

GO AWAY!

BABY, COME ON. IT'S ME. UNLOCK THE DOOR.

OH. HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

AH, I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE I'D COME DOWN

AND SEE IF YOU NEEDED MY HELP.

WELL, I DON'T. I DON'T. JUST--

YOU SHOULD PUT THE SEAT BACK,

AND THEN YOU SHOULD RELAX.

BABY, I'VE-- I'M RELAXED, OK? WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOTHING. REALLY. NOTHING.

CLAUD, WHAT'S GOING ON?

JIMMY GOT SUSPENDED FROM SCHOOL,

AND THEN BRAD AND LILY WERE DOING IT IN THE BACK SEAT,

AND THEN I HAD TO DRIVE EDDIE'S CAR,

AND THEN THEY ONLY TAKE CASH,

AND THEN NOBODY WOULD LET ME USE THEIR PLUG,

AND THEN MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE THIS,

AND I JUST-- I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

BABY, NOBODY'S DYING HERE. OK?

I MEAN, THAT'S WAY TOO MUCH STUFF

FOR ONE PERSON TO TAKE ON BY THEMSELVES.

YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME KNOW.

NO! SEE, YOU HAVE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. OK?

AND THEN, IF YOU KNOW, THEN YOU GET ALL STRESSED,

AND THEN YOU START YELLING AND--

YELLING IS GOOD FOR ME. I LOVE TO YELL.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT I DO TO RELIEVE STRESS.

I BEEN TRYING TO RELAX THIS WHOLE TIME,

AND IT SUCKS.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE THE COOL ONE.

YEAH, I WAS.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT MAKES US SUCH A GOOD TEAM.

BUT NOW YOU'RE IN AN IMPOUND LOT,

AND YOUR SKIRT'S ON BACKWARDS.

OH, GOD! WHAT--

BUT IT LOOKS GOOD THAT WAY. BABY, HEY...

LOOKS GOOD. ALL RIGHT?

NOW LET ME MAKE YOU A DEAL:

I'LL EAT THAT BLAND, CRAPPY, SALTLESS FOOD

IF YOU LET ME YELL EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OH, HEY...

ALL THAT SEX WE WERE HAVING...

THAT WASN'T BECAUSE OF MY--

NO. NO.

I WANTED THAT.

THAT'S MY GIRL.

ALL RIGHT, I BETTER GO GET THE CREDIT CARD TO THAT GUY

SO WE CAN GET OUT OF HERE.

THEY DON'T TAKE CREDIT CARDS.

OH, THEY'LL TAKE MINE.

YOU GONNA YELL?

[WHISPERING] Oh, hell, yeah.

OK, GUYS...

STEAMED CABBAGE.

OH, YUMMY.

HEY, THIS IS THE KIND OF FOOD THAT HELPED ME

DROP MY BLOOD PRESSURE 20 POINTS.

WHY DO WE HAVE TO SUFFER?

WELL, YOU HAVE A CHOICE. WE CAN EITHER EAT THIS FOOD,

OR WE CAN TALK ABOUT THE EVENTS OF LAST WEEK.

OK, SPARKY AND BACKSEAT BETTY?

SO WHERE'S MOM?

SHE'S DOWNSTAIRS DOING GIRLY STUFF.

MAN, I SO SCREWED UP MY HAIR.

ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN FIX IT?

NOT A PROBLEM. THIS IS GONNA LOOK FABULOUS.

YEAH, REALLY?

OH, YEAH.

STEVE'S TERRIFIC. HE DOES MY HAIR.

OW!

IT'S STARTING TO BURN. IS IT--

ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

OH, ABSOLUTELY. I HAD A SALON BACK IN THE VIRGIN ISLANDS.

OK, WE'RE DONE.

WHAT?