Original subtitles

DON'T THESE 976 THINGS COST, LIKE, $2.00 A MINUTE?

SO?

SO MY PARENTS WILL MURDER ME!

THEY'LL NEVER KNOW.

PHONE COMPANIES CAN'T LIST A 976 NUMBER ON YOUR PHONE BILL.

IT'S AGAINST FEDERAL PRIVACY LAWS.

REALLY?

MY BROTHER CALLS THESE THINGS ALL THE TIME. HERE.

IT'S ASKING IF I'M OVER 18.

IF YOU CAN PRESS ONE, YOU ARE.

UH, HI, DAKOTA. I'M--I'M FINE. HOW ARE YOU?

ME? JIMMY FINNERTY.

UH, BUT THAT'S NOT MY REAL NAME...

BY THE WAY.

UH-HUH.

NO. NO, I DON'T MIND AT ALL.

IF YOUR APARTMENT'S THAT HOT, THEN BY ALL MEANS.

OH, CALL WAITING! CALL WAITING!

JUST GET RID OF 'EM.

DAKOTA? I'M SORRY. HANG ON ONE SECOND.

HELLO.

HI. I'M KIND OF IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING, AUNT MARIE.

OH, AUNT MARIE. WE'VE BEEN TRADING PHONE CALLS ALL DAY.

SHE'S JUST GONNA CALL YOU BACK. MOM--

HEY, MARIE.

HA. I KNOW. HIS VOICE CHANGED.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE'S A MAN.

MOM, I--

IT'S SO CUTE. I JUST--

* STNN STNN STNN STNN

* STN STN S...

WELL, THAT'S...

WOW!

GET READY, FLORIDA.

HERE COMES HURRICANE BRAD.

WHERE'D YOU GET THAT OUTFIT,

REALLY, REALLY OLD NAVY?

HEY, WHEN ME AND MY GRAMPS HIT THE BEACH,

HEADS ARE GONNA TURN.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS GONNA BE THE FIRST TIME

WE'RE GONNA BE APART SINCE WE STARTED DATING.

I'M NOT LEAVING FOR A FEW WEEKS.

WE'LL JUST HAVE TO SPEND EXTRA TIME TOGETHER BEFORE I GO.

MMM.

YOU SMELL LIKE COCONUT.

OH, YEAH. IT'S THIS NEW BRONZER I'M TRYING OUT.

CHECK IT OUT. NO TAN LINE.

MOM--

BRAD!

BUT THEN 3 DAYS A WEEK,

I TAKE CLASSES AT WADSWORTH COLLEGE.

HEY, MOM, I NEED THE PHONE WHEN YOU'RE OFF.

NO, YOU CAN'T. GO AWAY.

BUT I HAVE THE PHRASE THAT PAYS!

YEAH. NO, ACTUALLY,

COLLEGE IS A LOT HARDER THAN I EXPECTED.

I'VE GOT MIDTERMS. I'M ALREADY STRESSING OUT.

NO, SEAN'S BEING VERY SUPPORTIVE.

IS THAT AUNT MARIE?

TELL HER I STILL HAVE THAT AWFUL HAIR

THAT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A DRUG DEALER.

SEAN SENDS HIS LOVE.

OK. OK, WE'LL TALK THEN. BYE-BYE.

[RING]

I'LL GET IT!

HELLO. NO, WE'RE REALLY HAPPY

WITH OUR LONG DISTANCE SERVICE. THANKS.

IS THAT ANOTHER TELEMARKETER? LET ME JUST TA--

SORRY.

UM. I--I HUNG UP.

SO WHAT'S YOUR GRANDMA'S PLACE LIKE?

IT'S NICE. THERE'S A LOT OF OLD PEOPLE HERE.

I WISH YOU WERE HERE.

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]

I'M SO BORED.

GOD. ME, TOO.

I WAS THINKING ABOUT GOING TO THE BEACH TOMORROW,

BUT THERE'S NO CELL RECEPTION OUT THERE.

HANG ON A SECOND.

DO YOU MIND?!

I'M SORRY, BRAD.

THE HIPPIES ARE ROCKING OUT!

[REVERBERATION]

YOU HEAR THAT, MAN?

I'M LIKE A YOUNG ROBERT FRIPP OVER HERE.

JUST GIVE ME THAT THING.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THE WAH-WAH PEDAL.

YOU AIN'T GOT NO FUNK IN YOUR FOOT.

EXCUSE ME? YOU DON'T HAVE HALF OF MY FUNK.

HEY, BABY. YOU OK?

I HAD A TEST.

I HAD A MIDTERM IN ECONOMICS.

MY WHOLE GRADE DEPENDS ON THIS TEST.

AND I DID NOT DO WELL.

WHERE THE HELL'S LATTIMORE 223?

[THUNDER]

"YOU ARE HERE."

WHERE'S HERE?!

OH! AAH!

NOT LATTIMORE.

OHH!

AAH!

ARRGH!

GUYS, CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE LATTIMORE IS?

I'M LOOKING FOR LATTIMORE.

YOU'RE IN LUCK.

I'M LATTIMORE.

OH. YOU LATTIMORE?

YEAH, THAT'S REALLY CUTE.

YOU WANNA TELL ME WHERE THE [THUNDER] LATTIMORE IS?!

YOU [CAR HORN] PIECE OF [THUNDER]?

IT'S JUST PAST THE MAIN QUAD BEHIND THE STUDENT UNION.

THANK YOU.

AND...PENCILS DOWN.

HOW CAN THEY JUST MOVE THE TEST WITHOUT EVEN TELLING ME?

BABY, EVERYBODY WAS IN THE SAME BOAT.

NO. NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, THEY WERE NOT IN THE SAME BOAT!

THEY GOT CALLED. I DID NOT.

THAT IS NOT THE BOAT I HAD.

I'M SURE IF YOU ASK YOUR PROFESSOR, BABY--

OH, YES, RIGHT. THAT HARDASS. NO WAY.

I'M TOTALLY SCREWED.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT TAKING THIS LYING DOWN.

[STOMPING]

PEOPLE ARE GONNA HEAR ABOUT THIS!

OH, GOD. THIS IS NOT GOOD.

WHAT?

REMEMBER THE OTHER NIGHT

WE WERE WATCHING THE KNICKS GAME?

YES! GOOD SHOT! GOOD SHOT.

[RING]

HELLO.

UH, NO, SHE'S NOT.

TUESDAY, MOVED TO LATTIMORE 223. 223.

I GOT IT. OK. THANK YOU.

REMIND ME TO TELL CLAUDIA HER ECON TEST'S BEEN MOVED.

YOU GOT IT.

COME ON! COME ON!

DAMN IT, EDDIE. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO REMIND ME.

I THOUGHT YOU ASKING ME WAS SOME SORT OF MNEMONIC DEVICE.

OH! I'M DEAD! I AM DEAD.

JUST TELL HER YOU SCREWED UP.

I CAN'T. ALL RIGHT? I'M IN A BAD SPOT HERE.

THIS WAS NOT MY FIRST OFFENSE.

I AM SO LATE, SO LATE.

OH, HEY, BABY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

DENISE DROPPED BY YESTERDAY.

SHE CAN'T MAKE IT.

SEAN, WHY ARE THERE PLUMBERS IN OUR BATHROOM?

OH, YEAH, THEY'RE COMING TODAY.

OH!

WHAT'S WRONG, BABY?

THE DOCTOR STILL HASN'T CALLED.

THE RESULTS SHOULD BE IN BY NOW.

OH, NO, HE CALLED LAST WEEK.

WHAT?

YEAH, YEAH.

IT'S BENIGN.

OH!

I THINK THE SOLUTION

IS PRETTY SIMPLE, SEAN.

OH, YEAH, WHAT'S THAT?

YOU GOT TO STOP ANSWERING THE PHONE.

IT WAS THE FUNNIEST SHOW.

I WISH YOU'D SEEN IT.

DO YOU EVEN GET CHANNEL 11 DOWN THERE?

YEAH, BUT IT'S LIKE CHANNEL 38 INSTEAD.

REALLY? I BET A LOT OF IT'S LIKE THAT.

LIKE THE CHANNEL'S THE SAME BUT WITH A DIFFERENT NUMBER.

YEAH, LIKE 4 IS 2 BUT 2 IS 8.

WE DON'T EVEN GET 8 HERE.

I KNOW!

IS THAT A PHONE?

UH, YES, IT IS.

SO WHAT IS IT THEN?

UH...

IT'S A PHONE.

WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?

HE'S TELLING YOU IT'S A PHONE!

I KNOW IT'S A PHONE!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

UM, SOME GUY'S TELLING THIS OTHER GUY

IT'S A PHONE.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO SIT LIKE THAT IN THOSE SWIM TRUNKS,

YOU SHOULD WEAR UNDERPANTS.

TALK TO YOU LATER. I GOTTA GO.

OK. CALL ME BACK.

[MOCKING] BRAD, CALL ME BACK.

I MISS YOU. I NEED YOU.

I DO NOT SOUND LIKE THAT.

IT'S GROSS. IT'S LIKE YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM.

GO AWAY!

OH, KISSY-KISSY, I NEED YOU.

HMM! WHAT AN IDIOT.

BRAD'LL GET A KICK OUT OF THAT ONE.

HELLO?

HELLO. WHO IS THIS?

AAH!

CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

YEAH. YOU OK?

YEAH. IT'S JUST,

WELL, MY FRIEND WAYNE FROM SCHOOL, YOU KNOW,

A COUPLE WEEKS AGO, HE GOT ME TO CALL A 976 NUMBER.

EWW!

HE SWORE IT WOULDN'T SHOW UP

ON THE PHONE BILL.

AND THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL, HE WAS, LIKE...

TURNS OUT IT DOES SHOW UP ON YOUR PHONE BILL.

SO I GRABBED THE BILL OUT OF THE MAIL

BEFORE MOM AND DAD COULD SEE IT.

NOW IT'S PAST DUE.

LOOK.

$116?!

THE FIRST MINUTE WAS FREE.

OH! OK, OK. THERE'S GOT TO BE A WAY OUT OF THIS.

OH! DO YOU HAVE $116?

NO. RIGHT. OK...

UM, WELL, WE COULD CLAIM THAT THE BILL NEVER CAME,

BUT THEY'D JUST SEND ANOTHER ONE.

WE COULD FORGE THEIR SIGNATURES--

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

OOP. HELLO!

BRAD! HEY! LILY--

NOTHING. I'M JUST TALKING TO JIMMY.

LILY, I--

[PLAYING LOUDLY]

[TURNS VOLUME OFF]

IT'S NOT MY FAULT! THAT T.A. NEVER CALLED ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST GIVE ME THE PROFESSOR'S PHONE NUMBER.

OF COURSE I'M GONNA YELL AT HIM!

WHAT IS YOUR NAME, GENIUS?

I'M SO STUPID, I'M SO STUPID, I'M SO STUPID.

I SHOULD'VE JUST WRITTEN THAT DAMN MESSAGE DOWN.

OH, YOU DID. YOU WROTE IT DOWN.

YOU WROTE IT DOWN FOR HER TO SEE

AND YOU PUT IT ON THE REFRIGERATOR.

EDDIE, I DIDN'T.

YOU DID. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT FELL OFF

AND WENT UNDER THE REFRIGERATOR.

OH, MY GOD. YOU ARE BRILLIANT.

OK. A PIECE OF PAPER, PIECE OF PAPER. POST--

NO. HOLD ON. I GOT IT. I GOT IT.

I GOT IT. I GOT IT. OK.

CLAUDIA, OK...ECON TEST MOVED TO LATTIMORE 223.

IT'S JUST BAD LUCK. YOU KNOW, IT FELL THERE. IT WAS--

NOBODY NOTICED.

I CAN'T BEGIN TO TELL YOU HOW FURIOUS I AM

WITH THAT STUPID T.A.

WHOA, WHOA, BABY, IS THIS ABOUT YOUR ECONOMICS TEST?

YES, WHAT DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT?

OH, NO. WHAT?

OH, MY GOD. THERE WAS A MESSAGE.

REMEMBER? SOMEONE CALLED A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO.

I DO. I REMEMBER THAT. I REMEMBER THAT.

THAT'S RIGHT. I WROTE IT DOWN.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

I NEVER GOT A MESSAGE.

WHAT? NO, THE-- AH HA HA HA.

I TOOK IT DOWN. I PUT IT ON A NOTE. IT WAS RIGHT HERE.

OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD!

OH, NO!

OH, GOD, HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?

HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?!

NO, I BLAME THESE DAMN FRUIT MAGNETS.

THIS--THIS WAS INEVITABLE. IT'LL HAPPEN AGAIN.

OH, MAN, I JUST SPENT 2 HOURS

YELLING AT MY PROFESSOR'S ASSISTANT.

GOD, I SHOULD'VE USED THE CHERRY, BUT I USED THE BANANA!

DAMN IT, I'M KICKING MYSELF!

HONEY, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

WELL, MAYBE IT IS, MAYBE IT ISN'T. WHO'S TO SAY?

I MEAN, LIKE YOU SAID, NOBODY'S AT FAULT.

THE POINT IS,

CLAUDIA FINNERTY IS NOT A QUITTER. HUH?

SO YOU'RE GONNA GET BACK ON THAT HORSE

AND YOU'RE GONNA WIN THAT RACE, HUH, BABY?

THANKS.

THAT WAS CLOSE.

YOU WERE BRILLIANT, MY BROTHER.

I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU, MAN.

UM, SEAN?

JUST SO I KNOW WHAT TO TELL MY PROFESSOR WHEN I CALL HIM,

WHEN DID THE T.A. LEAVE THIS MESSAGE?

UH, IT WAS, UH... TUESDAY AFTERNOON.

GOT IT. OK. THAT'S--THAT'S FUNNY,

'CAUSE, UM, THIS NOTE THAT FELL UNDER THE FRIDGE--

IT'S ON THE BACK OF A RECEIPT THAT'S DATED THIS MORNING.

REALLY?

YEAH, IT IS. YOU WROTE THIS TODAY, DIDN'T YOU?

TODAY? WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHAT IS TODAY, ED?

IT AIN'T TUESDAY.

COME ON. YOU DIDN'T WRITE DOWN THE MESSAGE.

YOU GOT THE CALL, AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME.

WHOA, THAT IS A PRETTY SERIOUS ALLEGATION.

IT JUST WASN'T IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR YOU TO WORRY ABOUT

THAT I MIGHT MISS A TEST. I MIGHT FAIL MY CLASS.

I MIGHT HAVE TO TAKE THIS WHOLE CLASS OVER AGAIN NEXT SEMESTER.

WELL, MAYBE HE'LL LET YOU TAKE THE TEST AGAIN.

[MIMICKING] OH, YEAH, "MAYBE HE'LL LET ME TAKE THE TEST AGAIN."

THIS IS NOT HIGH SCHOOL, SEAN! THIS IS COLLEGE!

THEY DON'T LET YOU JUST RETAKE TESTS ANY--

WHAT DID YOU BUY AT SAM ASH MUSIC FOR $120?

UH, WELL, I GOT, UM--

IT WAS, AMONG OTHER THINGS, A WAH--

I GOT A WAH-WAH PEDAL.

AND YOU NEEDED THAT TO...

UH, MAKE MY GUITAR GO, "WAH-WAH."

[LAUGHS]

OK. OK, SO, TO MAKE ENDS MEET AROUND HERE,

I'M USING BOB THE BUILDER SHAMPOO FROM THE 99 CENT STORE,

AND YOU'RE SPENDING $120 FOR A WAH-WAH PEDAL

THAT--THAT MAKES YOUR-- I'M SORRY, WHAT WAS THAT NICE SOUND AGAIN?

[HIGH-PITCHED] "WAH-WAH."

[STRUMS WITH WAH-WAH PEDAL]

YEAH, SHE GETS IT, ED.

HI. HA HA.

ME AGAIN.

JUST CHECKIN' UP ON YA.

OK. I GUESS YOU'RE OUT.

NO BIGGIE. NONE.

OK, TALK TO YOU LATER. BYE.

DAMN IT, I FORGOT TO TELL HIM TO CALL ME BACK!

HONEY, YOU LEFT THAT ON THE LAST 10 MESSAGES, ALL RIGHT?

JUST CALM DOWN.

IT'S BEEN 3 HOURS, MOM.

I'M NOT STUPID, OK? HE'S IN FLORIDA. FLORIDA!

WHERE THE GIRLS GO WILD!

I DON'T THINK THE GIRLS GO SO WILD IN LEISURE VILLAGE.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

OH, MY GOD, I MADE FUN OF HIS SHORTS.

I-I'M GONNA CALL HIM AND APOLOGIZE.

GREAT! GREAT, HIS MAILBOX IS FULL!

WHO'S CALLING HIM?!

I WONDER.

[DOOR OPENS]

SO YOU MADE SEAN RETURN THE WAH-WAH PEDAL?

NO, I JUST TOLD HIM EVERY TIME HE USED IT,

IT WOULD REMIND ME OF WHAT A THOUGHTLESS ASS HE WAS.

DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING, CLAUDIA?

YOU'RE CREATING AN ATMOSPHERE OF TERROR AROUND HERE.

YOU'RE MAKING SEAN AFRAID TO LIE TO YOU.

YOU JUST WANT THE WAH-WAH PEDAL.

I DON'T ASK FOR MUCH.

OH, THE MAIL CAME?

HERE, I CAN CARRY THIS FOR YOU.

OK. NO VICTORIA'S SECRET.

HA. YEAH, YOU GOT ME.

OK. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

I WANT YOU TO BREAK INTO THE O'KEEFES' HOUSE.

OK.

DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?

OH. OK! [LAUGHS]

I NEED YOU TO FIND BRAD'S PHONE CHARGER.

WHY?

WELL, BECAUSE HE HASN'T CALLED ME.

YOU KNOW HOW BRAD IS. HE PROBABLY FORGOT TO CHARGE IT,

AND NOW IT'S OUT OF JUICE.

YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, THERE COULD BE OTHER EXPLANATIONS.

MAYBE HE WENT TO THE BEACH, OR MAYBE HE MET ANOTHER--

THERE ARE NO OTHER EXPLANATIONS! GO!

[THUD] OH!

I'M OK!

SO, WHAT WAS IT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I SAW YOU PALM THAT ENVELOPE.

NO, NO, I WAS JUST TROLLIN' FOR LINGERIE.

I GOT BUSTED, AND WE ALL HAD A GOOD LAUGH.

OK. HAVE IT YOUR WAY.

OK, WAIT.

I DID SOMETHING REALLY BAD.

WHAT ARE WE TALKIN' ABOUT HERE?

"TERMINATION OF PHONE SERVICE"?

THIS IS THE SECOND ONE WE'VE GOT.

I--I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE OK,

BECAUSE MY FRIEND WAYNE SAID...

THEY CAN'T ACTUALLY CUT OFF YOUR PRIMARY LINE.

IT'S A CONSTITUTIONAL PROTECTION.

WHO IS THIS WAYNE?

HE'S A GUY WHO KNOWS THINGS.

DARK CHOCOLATE-- IT'S 2% COCAINE.

THERE'S A TYPE OF SUSHI THAT, IF A GIRL EATS IT,

SHE HAS TO DO IT WITHIN AN HOUR!

IF YOU FART AND BURP AT THE SAME TIME,

YOUR LUNGS WILL COLLAPSE.

OK, FIRST OF ALL, DON'T LISTEN TO WAYNE ANYMORE.

WAYNE'S FULL OF CRAP.

[SIGHS]

EXCEPT ABOUT THE SUSHI THING.

OH, MAN.

AND WHY IS THIS PHONE BILL YOUR PROBLEM?

WELL, I'VE BEEN HIDING IT BECAUSE I CALLED A CERTAIN KIND OF NUMBER.

976.

I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF IT WAS TRUE,

YOU KNOW, IF THEY TALKED TO YOU, AND YOU COULD, YOU KNOW...

WHOA, I DON'T NEED-- I DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT.

YOU KNOW, PEOPLE HAVE NEEDS, YOU KNOW?

I'M NOT HERE TO JUDGE. LET'S JUST TRY TO RESOLVE THE SITUATION.

NOW, BRING ME THAT FIRST BILL.

I'M GONNA PERFORM SOME MAGIC ON IT.

YOUR PARENTS'LL NEVER KNOW.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

BRING ME A FINE-POINT BIC PEN,

SOME SANDPAPER, A Q-TIP, SOME VASELINE,

AND...A BEER.

GOT IT.

JIMMY?

NOTHING.

HEY, BABY. HEY.

WHAT'S THAT?

OH, THIS? THIS IS A, UM--

IT'S A WAH-WAH PEDAL.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE RETURNING THAT!

SEE, I WAS GOING TO, BUT THEN I REALIZED

I'D HAVE TO USE IT WITH THIS. ONE SECOND.

* DA-NA-DA-DA NA-DA-DA *

OH, YOU BOUGHT A NEW GUITAR?!

THAT'S RIGHT. I COULDN'T RESIST.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

WELL, I WAS GONNA RETURN THE PEDAL,

AND THEN I STARTED THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU TOLD ME LAST NIGHT,

YOU KNOW? ABOUT HOW YOU COULDN'T RETAKE THE TEST

AND YOU'D HAVE TO TAKE THE CLASS AGAIN. REMEMBER?

YES, YES, OF COURSE I REMEMBER.

I FELT SO BAD THAT I FIGURED

I SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

SO, DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?

I DO.

WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH AN ASS TO MY WIFE?

EXCUSE ME?

MY WIFE CLAUDIA FINNERTY MISSED YOUR TEST

BECAUSE OF MY SIMPLE MISTAKE.

I ADMIT THAT.

BUT MY MISTAKE WAS AN INNOCENT ONE.

YOURS-- YOURS IS A STUPID POWER TRIP!

YOU COULD LET HER TAKE THE TEST AGAIN,

BUT NO, NO, NO! NO RETESTS!

YOU, SIR, ARE NOT AN EDUCATOR!

NO. YOU ARE A BULLY AND AN ASS!

I TOLD HER SHE COULD TAKE THE TEST AGAIN ON FRIDAY.

OH, YOU DID, DID YOU?

OK.

YOU TOLD ME THEY WOULDN'T LET YOU TAKE THE TEST AGAIN!

WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT, IT WAS TRUE, I THOUGHT.

THE PROFESSOR WAS JUST VERY UNDERSTANDING WHEN I SPOKE TO HIM.

OH, MY GOD! FUNNY HOW YOU FORGOT TO TELL ME THAT PART,

HOW YOU LET ME LIE IN BED AWAKE ALL NIGHT FEELING GUILTY!

YES, YES! BECAUSE IF I WOULD'VE LET YOU OFF THE HOOK LIKE THAT,

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LEARNED YOUR LESSON.

YOU'D JUST GO ALONG YOUR STUPID WAY. * DO-DO DO-DE-DO

OH, MY GOD. THIS IS ABOUT TEACHING ME A LESSON?

YES, OF COURSE IT'S ABOUT TEACHING YOU A LESSON!

YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO BE MORE RESPONSIBLE!

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'D LIKE TO HEAR THIS,

BUT I HAVE A BIG FAT BOOK OF ZEPPELIN SONGS I HAVE TO MASTER.

OH!

OH! OHH.

THE PRECIOUS.

OH, JEEZ.

I LOVE THE PRECIOUS!

HENRY! HENRY!

DID YOU FIND ANYTHING?

YEAH, THE O'KEEFES LEAVE OUT BOWLS FULL OF CANDY!

HENRY!

RIGHT OUT ON THE TABLE! ALL YOU WANT!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FIND BRAD'S PHONE CHARGER, NOT CANDY!

OK, OK.

LILY! WHAT?

IN THE KITCHEN-- LITTLE CHOCOLATE BARS!

OH, MY GOD! IT'S LIKE A DREAM!

HENRY, DO NOT TOUCH ANOTHER PIECE OF CANDY

UNTIL YOU FIND THE PHONE CHARGER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

OK, OK. SHEESH.

[SIGHS]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

HELLO? Brad: HEY, LIL.

BRAD!

HEH. HOW'S IT GOIN'?

GOOD, GOOD. HEY, SORRY I HAVEN'T CALLED.

WHY, I DIDN'T REALIZE. I-I'VE BEEN OUT.

OH, YEAH, WELL, THE OLD GUYS STARTED PLAYING TETRIS

ON MY PHONE, AND THEY GOT REALLY INTO IT,

AND I COULDN'T GET MY PHONE BACK, AND--

A LITTLE MORE TETRIS.

Brad: GET OFF ME! GOD!

UM, ANYWAY...

THEN THE ALARM COMPANY CALLED

BECAUSE THE SILENT ALARM IN OUR HOUSE GOT TRIPPED,

AND MY DAD WAS ON THE PHONE DEALING WITH THEM FOREVER, AND--

WOW, THAT'S ANNOYING.

UM, SO WHAT HAVE YOU GOT PLANNED FOR TODAY?

UH, NOTHING.

YEAH, ME, NEITHER. I'M BORED.

LILY! LILY!

I'M ON THE PHONE!

I THINK I MIGHT GO TO THE MALL WITH ALLISON.

I'LL PAY FOR THE CANDY!

OK, ENOUGH. YOU MADE YOUR POINT.

I GOT IT, OK? I MADE A BAD CHOICE. YOU RUBBED IT IN.

NOW PLEASE RETURN THE GUITAR. WE CAN'T AFFORD IT.

OH, ACTUALLY, BABY, WE CAN. SEE, THIS GUITAR

COSTS LESS THAN THE COURSE WOULD'VE COST HAD YOU HAD TO RETAKE IT

BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T TAKE THE TEST AGAIN,

SO, THE WAY I SEE IT, I'M RUBBING IT IN YOUR FACE

AND PASSING THE SAVINGS ALONG TO YOU.

YOU--I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO YOU.

HOW ABOUT A LITTLE EXIT MUSIC?

[PLAYING RIFF]

STOP IT.

STOP IT!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

LINA! HEY, COME IN.

HEY. SO, YOU READY? WE GOTTA GET GOING.

TO WHAT? DANIELLE'S BABY SHOWER.

NO, THAT'S NEXT WEEK.

NO, NO, NO. WE MOVED IT. I TOLD SEAN.

YOU TOLD SEAN? YOU COULDN'T HAVE TOLD SEAN

'CAUSE SEAN CERTAINLY WOULD'VE TOLD ME.

UH, ACTUALLY, I DON'T REALLY NEED ANOTHER GUITAR.

OK, BUT... YOU MADE THE CAKE?

SEAN, ANY NEWS ABOUT A CAKE?

UH, THEY HAVE A 30-DAY RETURN POLICY

THAT I'M SURE THEY'RE PRETTY COOL ABOUT.

Claudia: ALL RIGHT, I'LL CALL DANIELLE.

YOU FIND AN OPEN BAKERY.

OK.

THE PHONE IS DEAD.

OH, NO. IS THIS A PHONE BILL BEHIND THE PIANO?

LOOKS LIKE IT, JIM. APPARENTLY,

IT FELL BACK THERE SOME TIME AGO.

HOLY CRAP, THIS WAS DUE WEEKS AGO.

OH, WOW. THAT'S A BUMMER.

DON'T WORRY, JIMMY. IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT.

YOURS LESS THAN ANYBODY'S.

YOU KNOW WHAT I BET HAPPENED?

A GUST OF WIND MUST'VE COME IN AND PICKED IT RIGHT UP,

THREW IT RIGHT BACK BEHIND THE PIANO-- WHOOSH!

YEAH, YEAH, WHAT A THEORY. LET'S BE QUIET NOW.