Original subtitles

EW! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

UH...NOTHING.

WERE YOU CHECKING OUT YOUR UNDERARMS?

MAYBE.

OH, THAT'S DISGUSTING.

HEY, YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH HAIRY ARMPITS.

OK, ONE TIME I FORGOT TO SHAVE BEFORE WE WENT TO THE BEACH. ONE TIME.

HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN JIMMY'S NEW ARMPIT HAIR?

UNFORTUNATELY.

NOW YOU'RE JUST LIKE LILY.

I FORGOT TO PACK A RAZOR. LEAVE ME ALONE!

OH! PHEW!

I KNOW.

THIS HOUSE SMELLS LIKE A LOCKER ROOM.

I THINK IT'S JIMMY.

HE'S GETTING TO BE THAT AGE.

WHERE'S BRAD? WE'RE GONNA BE LATE.

I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM.

FORGET IT. I'M LEAVING WITHOUT HIM.

OTHERWISE, I'LL BE FOLLOWING JIMMY'S B.O. CLOUD TO SCHOOL.

OH, GOD, I JUST CAME FROM JIMMY'S ROOM.

HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW MUCH HE JUST--

STINKS? YES.

YEAH. AND YOU KNOW IT'S BAD IF I NOTICE IT.

YEP. IT'S GETTING TO BE THAT TIME.

AH, YES, PUBERTY, YOU NASTY BITCH.

YOU'VE REARED YOUR UGLY HEAD IN OUR HOUSE ONCE AGAIN.

MAYBE THAT EXPLAINS WHY HE'S BEEN ACTING SO STRANGE LATELY.

YEAH, HE'S BEEN REALLY WITHDRAWN.

I MEAN, PUBERTY DOES THAT. IT MAKES YOU STINKY, MOODY, HORNY.

YEAH? SO WHEN'S YOURS GOING TO BE OVER?

I'M NOT MOODY.

NEVER.

WE'LL JUST HAVE A LITTLE TALK WITH HIM.

AW, BABY, NO, NO, NO, NO. THIS IS ABOUT BODILY SMELLS

AND HAIR AND TESTOSTERONE.

THIS IS NO PLACE FOR A WOMAN. THIS IS DAD TERRITORY.

OH, ALL RIGHT. WELL, IF HE HAS ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT CRAMPS OR COOKING,

JUST SEND HIM MY WAY.

I WILL DO.

BRAD! GET OUT!

OH, GOD, I'M SORRY. GET OUT!

I REALLY AM SORRY. BRAD!

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW WHERE LILY IS? BRAD! SORRY.

OHH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M MAKING LABELS FOR ALL OUR VIDEOTAPES.

WHY?

'CAUSE HE'S DONE LABELING ALL THE CANNED GOODS,

THE FURNITURE, AND THE MAN WHO SLEEPS IN FRONT OF THE POST OFFICE.

[LAUGHING]

HI, MRS. FINNERTY.

HI, BRAD.

I'LL SEE YA.

WHAT?

UH, NOTHING.

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING I SAW THIS MORNING.

WELL, WHAT WAS IT?

Y-YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T LIKE IT.

NO, NO, NO. COME ON, TELL ME.

[NERVOUS LAUGH] IT WAS A DEAD CAT.

I LAUGH BECAUSE I HAVE DIFFICULTY EXPRESSING SADNESS.

HA HA. WEIRDO.

WHOA, RED SNAKE. CAN I HAVE SOME?

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH CAFFEINE THIS HAS?

YEAH. ALL RIGHT.

WHOA, WHOA, EDDIE. NO, NO, NO, NO.

WE DON'T LET HENRY DRINK THIS STUFF.

DAD!

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE HIM

80 CUPS OF COFFEE?

'CAUSE THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS.

I'M RIDING THE SNAKE, BABY! HENRY.

SO WHAT ELSE YOU GOT IN THAT BAG FOR MY KIDS, CRANK?

NO!

WELL, WHAT IS IT?

WHY DO YOU CARE?

BECAUSE YOU WON'T TELL ME.

WELL, IT'S NOT FOR YOU, SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

WELL, WHO'S IT FOR? IT'S NOT FOR YOU.

WHAT IS IT? OK, IT'S CRANK.

NO, IT'S NOT. COME ON.

IT'S FOR JIMMY, OK? JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT.

DEODORANT?

KID DON'T SMELL GOOD, SEAN.

YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT?

I'M GONNA TALK TO HIM TODAY WHEN HE GETS HOME.

DON'T TALK TO HIM.

OH, COME ON. THE ONLY THING YOU'VE RAISED IS WEED.

I'M NOT GONNA ASK YOU FOR PARENTING ADVICE.

LOOK, JUST SLIP HIM THE DEODORANT.

DON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT.

YEE-HAWW!

YOU MIND IF I GRAB A SNACK?

GO FOR IT.

HEY, MRS. FINNERTY.

BRAD.

UM, I'M GOING TO THE KITCHEN TO GET A SNACK,

AND I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW.

YOU KNOW, NOW YOU KNOW WHERE I'M GONNA BE.

SO...

I DON'T WANNA SURPRISE ANYBODY, IF YOU KNOW--

Brad: I'M IN THE KITCHEN NOW!

HE IS BEING REALLY WEIRD.

YEAH, WELL, I THINK I KNOW WHY.

THIS MORNING I WAS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL,

AND HE WALKED IN ON ME.

HE WALKED IN ON YOU?

NAKED.

WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO.

SO, YOU WERE JUST PARADING AROUND NAKED?

YES. YES. I WAS MARCHING THROUGH THE HOUSE NAKED DOING CARTWHEELS.

I WAS IN THE SHOWER!

WAS THIS DURING INITIAL WET DOWN, OR HAD YOU ACHIEVED LATHER?

IT WAS NOTHING. IT WAS A STUPID MISTAKE.

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. THAT KID'S SEEN MY DAUGHTER, MY WIFE.

I BETTER FIX THAT LOCK BEFORE I'M THE THIRD PERSON HE SEES NAKED.

UNFORTUNATELY, YOU'D BE NUMBER 4.

OH, MY GOD, SO THAT'S WHY HE'S BEEN ALL GIGGLY AND WEIRD.

YES.

LOOK, IF YOU WANT HIM TO STOP GIGGLING,

YOU HAVE TO DESENSITIZE HIM TO YOUR BODY,

SO I SUGGEST THAT YOU SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE

WALKING AROUND THE HOUSE NAKED.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

HE DIDN'T SEE A DEAD CAT AT ALL.

HONEY, I'M SURE HE DIDN'T WANNA SAY ANYTHING. IT WAS REALLY AWKWARD.

UH, YEAH, IT'S AWKWARD BECAUSE HE'S OBSESSED WITH YOU.

LOOK, I THOUGHT HE'D GOTTEN OVER THIS, BUT OBVIOUSLY NOT.

LILY, IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

NO! NOT FOR YOU. YOU'RE JUST PRANCING THROUGH LIFE NAKED.

I WAS TAKING A SHOWER!

YEP! NAKED!

HEY, JIMMY.

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?

GOOD. GOOD.

THE KID IS RIPE.

I KNOW. I KNOW.

IF ONLY THEY HAD A PRODUCT THAT COULD GIVE HIM SOME RELIEF.

OH, LOOK.

OH, GOOD. SEAN, YOU WANNA GO GIVE IT TO HIM?

I'M NOT JUST GONNA THROW DEODORANT AT HIM

AND HOPE THAT THAT'S THE BEST SOLUTION. NO.

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT FATHER-SON TIME HERE.

I'M GONNA GO HAVE A REAL FATHER-SON TALK WITH HIM.

SEAN, NOBODY EVER TALKED TO US.

THAT WAS BETTER THAN HAVING TO HEAR DAD USE THE WORD INSERTION.

I DISAGREE.

HEY, MOM, I GOT MY FOOTBALL OFF THE O'KEEFE'S ROOF.

WHAT WAS IT DOING ON--

HEY, I'M GONNA WATCH SPONGEBOB.

OK.

HEY, I'M GONNA GO MAKE AN OMELET.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT--

I SAW SURGERY AT THE HOSPITAL.

HENRY--

WATCH MY FINGERS DANCE.

HEY, THE GARBAGE MAN'S COMING.

WAIT! I'M GONNA EAT THAT!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT MIGHT CALM HIM DOWN?

I'M NOT WALKING AROUND NAKED.

SO, HOW'S YOUR SANDWICH?

MM, IT'S GOOD.

YEAH?

SEE ANY GOOD MOVIES RECENTLY?

NOT REALLY.

HMM, ANY TV SHOWS?

NO.

ANY ASS!?

YEAH. YEAH. YEAH, I KNOW, BRAD.

I KNOW THAT YOU SAW MY MOM NAKED.

LILY, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

YEAH? WELL, HOW COME YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?

I DON'T KNOW. I--I THOUGHT YOU'D BE MAD. OBVIOUSLY, YOU--

WHY WOULD I BE MAD IF IT WAS AN "ACCIDENT"?

BECAUSE I THOUGHT--

BECAUSE YOU ENJOYED IT?

I DID NOT ENJOY IT.

THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP SMILING, HUH?

DO I?

BRAD, I KNOW THAT MY MOM'S ATTRACTIVE. OK?

IT'S COOL. I--I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HONEST WITH ME.

OK. ALL RIGHT, SO, YEAH. I LIKED IT A LITTLE.

HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT!?

YOU TOLD ME TO BE HONEST.

YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T THINK YOU REALLY THOUGHT THAT!

THEN WHY DO I KEEP SMILING?

OHH...

I THOUGHT YOU'D GOTTEN OVER YOUR WHOLE PATHETIC JUNIOR HIGH FIXATION.

BUT NO! YOU'RE STILL OBSESSED WITH HER.

LILY, NO, I AM NOT! OK?

I MEAN, IF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPEN A YEAR AGO,

BEFORE YOU AND ME WERE TOGETHER,

WOULD THIS HAVE BEEN THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE?

ABSOLUTELY! BUT NOT ANYMORE.

THAT REALLY HELPS, BRAD.

LILY, NO. YOU ARE INCREDIBLY HOT, OK?

IF I'M OBSESSED WITH ANYONE, IT'S YOU.

Claudia: HEY, GUYS.

HAH HO, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

JIMMY, YOU GOT A MINUTE?

SURE, DAD.

I WAS THINKING...

I WAS JUST THINKING THAT, UH, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE GROWING UP.

YOU'RE A TEENAGER NOW, AND YOU'VE, UH...

I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE YOU'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH A LOT OF CHANGES.

YEAH, I GUESS, BUT IT'S COOL.

YEAH, IT SURE IS. IT'S COOL. YOU KNOW,

I JUST WANNA MAKE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT'S HAPPENING

BECAUSE, I MEAN... YOU LOOK DIFFERENT, AND YOU SOUND DIFFERENT,

YOU SMELL DIFFERENT. I MEAN, EVERYTHING'S JUST DIFFERENT.

OK, DAD. THANKS.

NO, I JUST-- I--I'VE BEEN THERE, MAN.

YOU KNOW? I JUST WANNA LET YOU KNOW I...PHEW!

I'LL NEVER FORGET THE FIRST TIME I GOT A LITTLE BIT OF, UH,

MAN HAIR, YOU KNOW?

OK, DAD. SERIOUSLY, I GOT IT.

NO, I'M JUST SAYING I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH. YOU KNOW?

HANGING OUT IN THE LOCKER ROOM WITH THE GUYS.

AND YOU'RE STANDING THERE AND YOU'RE FEELING PRETTY MATURE,

AND, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE CHECKING PEOPLE OUT,

THEY'RE CHECKING YOU OUT,

AND SOME OF THE OTHER GUYS, WELL,

THEY'RE JUST A BIT MORE, UH, DEVELOPED. YOU KNOW?

AND YOU'RE WONDERING, GOD, COME ON, AM I EVER GONNA GET IN THE GAME?

I GOTTA GO.

NO, IT'S JUST-- JIM, IT'S JUST DURING PUBERTY.

IT'S SUCH A DIFFICULT TIME. I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND--

DAD, ENOUGH TALKING.

BUT WE'RE NOT FINISHED. JIMMY, COME ON.

YOU WANT ME TO GO HIT DAD UP FOR SOME PAMPHLETS?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HENRY'S SYSTEM.

THIS IS THE TAPE OF YOUR AUNT MARIE GETTING MARRIED ON THE BEACH.

HENRY LABELED IT "SEAGULL EATING DIAPER."

HMM. SO, MOM, BRAD'S ON HIS WAY OVER.

OH, OK.

YOU THINK YOU COULD PUT ON SOME CLOTHES?

WHAT, AM I SHOWING TOO MUCH WRIST?

OH. HEY, BRAD.

WELCOME TO THE REAL CANCUN.

HI, BRAD.

MRS. FINNERTY.

BRAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LOOKING AT YOU AND ONLY YOU.

OK, BRAD. SHE'S NOT NAKED. IT'S OK.

ALL RIGHT, TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT.

BRAD, YOU NOT LOOKING AT HER

JUST MAKES ME THINK YOU'RE DYING TO LOOK AT HER.

OK, FINE. IF IT'LL MAKE YOU HAPPY, I'LL TOTALLY LOOK AT HER.

BRAD! SHE'S NOT A PIECE OF MEAT!

WH-WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA GO STUDY IN THE KITCHEN.

WH-WHAT'D I DO?

EVERYTHING BUT STUFF A DOLLAR DOWN HER PANTS.

OK, OK, YOU'RE STILL OBVIOUSLY UPSET.

BUT I GOT SOMETHING THAT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.

WHAT AM I LOOKING AT?

EWW! THAT IS YOUR DAD NAKED!

UH-HUH. YEAH!

EWW. HOW DID YOU GET THAT?

NOT IMPORTANT HOW.

WHAT, IS THAT YOUR BACKYARD?

NO. HE'S BEHIND THE SKATING RINK.

EWW, DID YOU TAKE THAT PICTURE?

NO. HE TOOK IT HIMSELF WITH A TIMER.

WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS WE'RE BOTH EVEN, OK?

WE'VE BOTH SEEN EACH OTHER'S PARENTS NAKED.

WE'RE NOT EVEN. MY MOM IS HOT, AND YOUR DAD IS NASTY.

HE IS HANDSOME, OK? HE'S-- IT'S JUST BAD LIGHTING.

AAH!

JIMMY, COME ON, PLEASE. JIMMY!

JIMMY, PLEASE, LOOK.

I KNOW IT SEEMS LIKE A BIG DEAL, BUT TRUST ME.

TOMORROW AT SCHOOL, EVERYONE WILL HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS.

WHAT HAPPENED? ARE YOU OK?

YEAH. FANTASTIC.

OH, HE'S UPSET. THERE WAS A FIGHT AT SCHOOL.

A FIGHT? JIMMY GOT IN A FIGHT?

NO. WELL, IT WASN'T REALLY LIKE A FIGHT.

IT WAS MORE LIKE A MISUNDERSTANDING.

All: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Coach: ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH! BREAK IT UP. STOP IT!

BOYS! STOP IT NOW!

IT'S OLD GUYS.

THAT'S MY DAD AND MY UNCLE.

[CHANTING "FIGHT" CONTINUES]

Coach: STOP THIS NOW, BOYS! STOP IT!

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

SOMETIMES THESE THINGS HAPPEN. ALL RIGHT?

IT'S A GUY THING. I WOULDN'T EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND.

WHY DON'T YOU HELP ME?

WELL, LOOK, I-- OK, I WAS BUMMED OUT

ABOUT THE WAY MY TALK WENT WITH JIMMY YESTERDAY,

SO I FIGURED I'D PICK HIM UP FROM SCHOOL TODAY, YOU KNOW,

AND SPEND A LITTLE QUALITY FATHER-SON TIME WITH HIM.

I JUST DIDN'T THINK I'D HAVE TO COMPETE FOR IT.

HEY, ED. WHAT'S UP?

I'M JUST PICKING UP JIMMY.

UH, WAIT. NOW I'M HERE TO PICK UP JIMMY.

I GOT THIS ONE.

WAIT A MINUTE. I'M HIS DAD. I'M PICKING HIM UP, OK?

I GOT THIS ONE.

HEY, DAD, IT'S OK.

NO, NO, NO. I'M HIS DAD, AND I'M PICKING HIM UP.

HEY, LOOK, I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP THE KID OUT WITH A LITTLE PROBLEM.

I HELP HIM OUT WITH HIS PROBLEMS.

BUT I GOT THIS ONE.

WILL YOU STOP SAYING, I GOT THIS ONE?

HEY, YOU CAN HELP HIM OUT WITH THE NEXT PROBLEM.

NO, I'VE GOT THIS PROBLEM, OK?

I'M HIS DAD. JUST GIVE ME HIS BOOKBAG.

TAKE IT. I WILL TAKE IT.

GO AHEAD IF YOU WANT IT SO BAD.

OK, I CAN TAKE THE BAG.

LET GO! WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE IT? JUST LET GO OF THE BAG!

GO AHEAD AND TAKE THE BAG. I WILL TAKE IT.

WHY DON'T YOU LET GO OF IT?

ALL RIGHT. OH, LOOK, NOW YOU BROKE IT.

AW, GREAT. YOU BROKE THE KID'S BAG.

YOU WOULDN'T LET GO OF IT. THAT'S MESSED UP.

YOU BROKE IT. YOU BROKE IT.

I BOUGHT IT. YOU OWE ME 20 BUCKS.

EDDIE'S GOTTA LEARN, BABY.

LEARN WHAT?

IF HE TRIES TO HELP YOUR CHILDREN, YOU'LL PUNCH HIM?

OH, COME ON. LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN IN A FIGHT AT THAT SCHOOL BEFORE.

YEAH, IN 1986.

YOU DO REALIZE WE DON'T STILL GO THERE, RIGHT?

YEAH, BUT WE STILL PAY 3 TUITIONS THERE.

AND IF I WANNA FIGHT THERE, BABY, I'M GONNA FIGHT THERE!

I'M NOT GONNA FIGHT THERE.

DAD, YOU SHOULDN'T BE SO HARD ON UNCLE EDDIE.

HE'S JUST TRYING TO HELP.

LOOK, I LOVE IT WHEN HE HELPS.

BUT HE'S GOT NO RIGHT JUST TO SHOW UP AT YOUR SCHOOL LIKE THAT.

DAD, I CALLED HIM.

WHAT? WHY?

I GOT IN A LITTLE TROUBLE.

WAIT, YOU CALLED UNCLE EDDIE INSTEAD OF ME?

COME ON, YOU KNOW I'D BE THERE FOR YOU.

WE CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING, JIM.

NO. SEE, THAT'S WHAT I WAS HOPING TO AVOID.

REMEMBER OUR TALK LAST NIGHT?

ABOUT OUR BODIES AND THE WAY THEY CHANGE.

YEAH, THAT ONE.

THAT'S THE ONE.

WELL, I WAS IN THE LOCKER ROOM TODAY,

AND ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS YOUR STUPID MAN HAIR LECTURE.

THAT WAS SOME FINE CRAB WALKING, BOYS.

HIT THE SHOWERS.

CAN YOU BELIEVE MR. KERSEY TODAY WITH HIS POP QUIZ?

LAME!

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WASN'T LAME--

COURTNEY SANDLER STRETCHING FOR VOLLEYBALL.

SHE'S WAY INTO ME.

YEAH, LIKE SHE'D REALLY DATE AN EIGHTH GRADER.

FINNERTY! WHAT, ARE YOU MADE OF SUGAR?

HIT THE SHOWER!

RIGHT. JUST--

FINNERTY!

IT WAS HUMILIATING.

OH, LOOK, JIM, IT'S NOT UNCOMMON DURING PUBERTY FOR--

STOP. WHAT? I'M JUST SAYING--

DAD, YEAH. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

JUST STOP, ALL RIGHT? THIS IS WHY I CALLED UNCLE EDDIE.

YOU KNOW, HE DOESN'T WANNA TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING.

ONCE HE TOOK ME TO GET A HAIRCUT, TO DINNER, AND TO A MOVIE.

HE DIDN'T SAY A WORD THE ENTIRE TIME. IT WAS GREAT.

LOOK, YOU KNOW, PUBERTY'S THE KIND OF--

OK. DAD, JUST--PLEASE, DON'T EVER SAY THE WORD PUBERTY TO ME AGAIN, OK?

SO? THAT DIDN'T SOUND LIKE IT WENT VERY WELL.

NO. NO, IT WAS GREAT.

NO. WE REACHED AN UNDERSTANDING.

I'LL NEVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN, AND IN RETURN, HE'S FINE WITH THAT.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST THING IS?

THE WORST THING IS EDDIE WAS RIGHT.

I'VE GOT TO LEARN TO KEEP MY BIG MOUTH SHUT.

OH, COME ON, BABY. WE BOTH KNOW THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE.

YOU KNOW, I WAS TALKING AND TALKING AND TALKING.

WHAT AM I LEFT WITH? THE KID'S STILL EMBARRASSED AND ANGRY,

AND HE STILL SMELLS LIKE THE INSIDE OF A CAB.

YOU'RE GONNA GO TALK TO HIM AGAIN, AREN'T YOU?

JUST ONE LAST TIME.

IT'S SO WEIRD, YOU KNOW.

I MEAN, HERE I AM,

A GUY WHO'S BEEN TO 16 NATIONAL PARKS, ALL RIGHT?

AND ONCE GOT PICKED BY MY CLASS

TO ASK A QUESTION TO AN ASTRONAUT.

IN SPACE!

RIGHT? AND WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN,

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THEM AT ALL.

THAT IS COLD, H-BOMB.

Lily: BRAD!

LILY?

BRAD, I'VE BEEN THINKING.

AND I'VE COME UP WITH A LITTLE IDEA

THAT WILL MAKE YOU FORGET ABOUT MY MOM...

FOREVER.

OH, REALLY? MM-HMM.

YOU WANNA COME ON IN, AND I'LL SHOW YOU.

OH, THIS IS THE BEST WEEK EVER!

OH, IS THIS GONNA BE DIRTY?

NO. BUT IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE GRAPHIC.

YES!

OH, COME ON, PUSH, BABY, PUSH!

[GRUNTING]

W-WHAT IS THIS?

I'M JUST SHOWING YOU ANOTHER SIDE OF MY MOM.

THERE YOU GO, DAD.

CAMERA DOWN. TILT THE CAMERA DOWN.

THERE YOU GO.

Sean: HERE COMES THE HEAD!

[CLAUDIA SCREAMS]

WHAT IS THIS?

THAT'S YOU, HENRY.

SWEET! WHAT'S THAT COMING OUT OF ME?

NO. NO, NO, NO, THAT'S MOM.

YOU'RE THE BLOODY, MUCOUSY THING.

AWESOME. I'M ALI-I-IVE!

I'M GONNA GO NOW.

NO, NO, NO, NO, BRADLEY. YOU ARE GONNA SIT HERE

UNTIL THAT IMAGE IS BURNED INTO YOUR HEAD.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

YEAH.

JIMMY. HERE'S SOME DEODORANT. YOU STINK.

OH, GOD. THANK YOU, DAD.

YOU GOT IT, MAN.

[BABY GURGLES]

SO, ARE YOU ENJOYING THE MOVIE?

OH, YEAH!

WAIT. WHAT IS THIS?

HENRY SUCKING DOWN HIS FIRST MEAL.

BRAD!

WHAT? BREAST-FEEDING IS A NATURAL, BEAUTIFUL THING.

OHH...

LILY, HAVE YOU SEEN-- WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?

BRAD'S FAVORITE NEW MOVIE.

SHE PUT IT ON.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM SICK AND TIRED

OF MY BODY BEING TOPIC NUMBER ONE AROUND HERE.

BRAD, YOU SAW ME NAKED. GET OVER IT.

LILY, BRAD SAW ME NAKED. GET OVER IT.

I'M TAKING THIS TAPE AND I'M PUTTING IT WHERE NO ONE WILL FIND IT.

WAIT, MOM. I MADE A LABEL FOR IT.

HMM, CUTE. ESCAPE FROM MOMMY.

OH, ED, JUST THE MAN I WANTED TO SEE.

I WAS ABOUT TO CALL YOU.

HEY, I JUST WANTED TO COME OVER AND APOLOGIZE.

YOU KNOW, I BUTTED IN WHERE I DIDN'T BELONG.

THEY'RE YOUR KIDS. I WAS OUT OF LINE.

NO, NO, NO, NO. I WAS OUT OF LINE.

I MEAN, COME ON, YOU WERE TRYING TO HELP OUT.

YOU KNOW, I SHOULDN'T HAVE GOT SO BENT OUT OF SHAPE.

AND I CERTAINLY SHOULDN'T HAVE KICKED YOUR ASS.

I COULD'VE BEEN MORE FORTHCOMING.

AND I THINK 3 NUNS AND 40 KIDS WOULD AGREE THAT I KICKED YOUR ASS.

YEAH, WELL, THEY'D BE WRONG.

YOU KNOW, AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SO TERRITORIAL ABOUT JIMMY.

YOU'RE HIS UNCLE, AND HE REALLY LOOKS UP TO YOU.

YEAH, HE DOES. HE LOOKS UP TO ME. HE'S A GOOD KID.

AND I WAS ON TOP OF YOU WHEN THEY PULLED US APART.

THAT'S...THAT'S WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? LET'S JUST WATCH THE GAME.

LET'S LET YOUR RIBS HEAL, YOU KNOW.

I'M FEELING FINE.

DAD, I'M GONNA GO OVER TO RYAN'S HOUSE.

OH, AND THANKS AGAIN, UNCLE EDDIE.

ANYTIME.

THE RANGERS ARE UP ALREADY.

YEAH. SO WHAT WAS THAT LITTLE THANK YOU THING ABOUT?

AH, THAT WAS NOTHING.

YOU KNOW.

RIGHT, YEAH. WELL, IF IT'S NOTHING,

THEN I GUESS IT'S NO BIG DEAL TO TELL ME, RIGHT?

YEAH, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

SO WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME?

I DON'T WANNA BETRAY THE KID'S TRUST.

LOOK, I PROBABLY KNOW ALREADY.

THERE'S NOTHING THAT THAT KID HIDES FROM ME.

NOT A LOT. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

TELL ME.

AH...CAN'T DO THAT. I'M SORRY.

TELL ME!