Original subtitles

BRAD.

HEY, MR. FINNERTY.

UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M GETTING READY FOR PASSION TRAIN.

THEY'RE TOSSING SOMEBODY OFF TONIGHT.

WHAT'S PASSION TRAIN?

YOU HAVEN'T SEEN PASSION TRAIN? NO.

THESE 10 BUFFED-OUT GUYS AND 10 HOT CHICKS

GET ON THIS TRAIN IN PORTLAND, RIGHT?

AND THEN WHEN THEY GET TO BALTIMORE,

THERE'S ONLY 2 LEFT, AND THOSE 2 GOTTA DO IT.

WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.

THE CONTESTANTS ARE REQUIRED TO HAVE SEX?

YEAH, IF THEY WANT THE 100 GRAND AND THE DODGE NEON,

HELL, YEAH.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I'VE ACTUALLY GOTTEN STUPIDER

JUST STANDING HERE LISTENING TO YOU DESCRIBE IT.

ACTUALLY, CAN I USE YOUR PHONE TO VOTE?

NO!

BRAD? AAH!

OH, HEY. HEY, BABY.

YOU'RE-- YOU'RE HOME EARLY.

DON'T YOU HAVE THE DINNER SHIFT ON WEDNESDAYS?

YEAH, BUT I SWITCHED WITH LINDA

SO I COULD GO TO THE P.T.A. MEETING.

P.T.A. MEETING? YOU--

I THOUGHT YOU HATED THOSE THINGS.

YEAH, I DO, BUT TONIGHT WAS A REALLY BIG ONE.

NEW MATS FOR THE GYM, THEY'RE PLANNING THE SPRING CARNIVAL,

AND TONIGHT THERE'S THIS BIG PROTEST FOR THIS NEW STRIP CLUB.

REALLY? A STRIP CLUB?

YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF IT?

NO. OH, I'M SORRY.

I JUST ASSUMED YOU WOULD HAVE

BECAUSE IT'S YOUR BAR.

OH, YEAH. THAT--

THAT I'D-- I'D HEARD OF. YEAH.

BRAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

10 MINUTES TO P.T.

OH, RIGHT, ABOUT THAT,

UM, I'M WATCHING PASSION TRAIN WITH DEAN.

DEAN? WHAT? I'M YOUR BOYFRIEND.

YOU BROKE UP WITH DEAN.

I KNOW. TOTALLY.

I JUST HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET.

WHAT?!

I'M AFRAID OF HURTING HIM.

I'M NOT. I'LL DO IT FOR YOU.

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

LOOK, LOOK, I'M WORRIED THAT HE'S GONNA

BE REALLY UPSET ABOUT IT, OK?

AND THE LAST THING I WANT IS SOME BIG, EMOTIONAL SCENE.

SO HE'S COMING OVER HERE AND I'M GONNA TELL HIM.

I SWEAR, BUT YOU CAN'T BE HERE.

ALL RIGHT, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM, RIGHT?

OF COURSE NOT. YOU'RE THE ONE I CARE FOR, BRAD.

NOW GO WAIT OUTSIDE BY THE GARBAGE CANS.

OK, CLAUDIA, LOOK. YOU'RE ANGRY.

YES, YES, I'M ANGRY.

I SEEM TO BE ANGRY A LOT THESE DAYS.

I'M SENSING A TREND.

WELL, MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE

YOU'RE DRINKING TOO MUCH CAFFEINE.

YES, COULD BE THE CAFFEINE.

COULD BE, YEAH, OR IT COULD BE

THAT I HAD TO FIND OUT IN FRONT OF ALL THE OTHER PARENTS

THAT MY OWN HUSBAND HIRED NAKED LADIES

TO SHAKE IT IN FRONT OF PERVERTS.

OH, COME ON, CLAUDIA.

LOOK, LOOK. OTHER STRIP JOINTS,

THEY GO SO MUCH FURTHER THAN WE DO.

I MEAN, THEY GOT THESE BACK ROOMS,

AND THEY DO THESE NASTY DANCES--

WOW, WOW, WOW, YES.

NO, YOU ARE A BEACON OF MORALITY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU SHOULD RUN FOR OFFICE.

"SEAN FINNERTY: HE COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE."

OH, COME ON, CLAUDIA.

THIS IS ABOUT BUSINESS, OK?

THIS IS ABOUT THE BAR.

THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

WELL, I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD INTEREST YOU.

SEAN! WE GOT PROBLEMS.

OH. HI, CLAUDIA.

HI, EDDIE.

HOW YOU DOING, SEAN?

HI. HI, GUYS.

NOW IT INTERESTS ME.

Eddie: SO, CLAUDIA, I THOUGHT YOU WERE WORKING TONIGHT.

NOPE. NIGHT OFF. SO, WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS?

THEY'RE MY BOOK CLUB.

BOOK CLUB, CLAUDIA. CLAUDIA, THE BOOK CLUB.

HI. HI.

HELLO. WOW.

I NEVER KNEW YOU HAD A BOOK CLUB, ED.

WHAT ARE YOU READING?

THE CORRECTIONS.

AND WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?

IT'S ABOUT THIS SORT OF DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY

THAT FALLS APART WHEN THE DAD GETS SICK.

THAT SOUNDS INTERESTING.

OK, SO MAYBE SHE'S READ A BOOK I HAVEN'T READ,

BUT I HAPPEN TO KNOW THEY ARE STRIPPERS.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SHE KNEW?

I JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW FAR YOU WERE GONNA TAKE THIS BOOK CLUB THING.

MOM, WE FOUND THIS KID OUTSIDE WHIZZING IN THE BUSHES.

BOBBY, YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT.

I'M SORRY, MA. I HAD THAT BIG GULP.

JIMMY, KITCHEN. COME ON.

UH, ED, CAN I--

CAN I TALK WITH YOU FOR JUST ONE MOMENT, PLEASE?

Sean: WILL YOU EXCUSE US, PLEASE,

FOR JUST A MOMENT?

Sean: WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT?!

WHAT?!

W-W-WHY--WHY--WHY WOULD YOU BRING 'EM TO MY HOUSE?

CLAUDIA SEEMS COOL WITH IT.

SHE'S NOT COOL WITH IT!

SHE'S ACTING COOL WITH IT.

SHE'S NOT EVEN ACTING REMOTELY COOL WITH IT!

WELL, WE HAVE TO AGREE TO DISAGREE ON THIS ONE!

WHY--WHY WOULD YOU BRING THEM TO MY HOUSE?

BECAUSE THINGS WERE GETTIN' UGLY OUT IN FRONT OF THE BAR.

WE DON'T WANT STRIPPERS! STICK TO SELLING PITCHERS!

WE DON'T WANT STRIPPERS! STICK TO SELLING PITCHERS!

WE DON'T WANT STRIPPERS! STICK TO SELLING PITCHERS!

WE DON'T WANT...

SO I SNUCK THE LADIES OUT THE BACK WAY,

AND I NEEDED A PLACE TO LAY LOW FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS

UNTIL THE HUBBUB DIES DOWN.

YOU HAVE AN APARTMENT.

MY COUSIN'S STAYING THERE.

WHICH COUSIN?

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW HIM.

I'M YOUR BROTHER!

EXCUSE ME, LADIES.

THERE ARE STRIPPERS IN MY HOUSE.

IN MY HOUSE, STRIPPERS,

WHERE MY CHILDREN LIVE,

STRIPPERS!

OK, OK, BABY, YOU MAKE A GOOD POINT,

BUT LET'S TALK ABOUT THE LARGER ISSUE HERE.

WHAT?! YOUR ANGER.

OH!

BABY, WE--WE WERE DESPERATE.

3 CUSTOMERS.

NOT BAD...

FOR A FRIDAY NIGHT

AT 10:00.

WE'RE IN TROUBLE.

WE'RE FLIRTING WITH BANKRUPTCY.

WE'RE NOT FLIRTING WITH BANKRUPTCY,

WE'RE, LIKE, ON OUR THIRD DATE WITH BANKRUPTCY

AND IT'S ABOUT TO PUT OUT.

WE'RE SCREWED. WE GOTTA FIGURE SOMETHING OUT, MAN.

WE GOTTA GET A PROMOTION OR SOMETHING GOING

TO GET PEOPLE IN HERE.

WHY DON'T WE GET ONE OF THOSE MECHANICAL BULLS?

COME ON. THEY'RE LIKE 10 GRAND.

KARAOKE'S CHEAP.

OH, YEAH, THAT'S FRESH.

WELL, IT'S FRESHER THAN A MECHANICAL BULL.

WE COULD HIRE STRIPPERS.

[SCOFFS]

YEAH.

YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

WHAT? YEAH, YOU?

WELL, I MEAN, THIS PLACE IS AN OLD-FASHIONED IRISH BAR.

IT'S NOT A STRIP BAR.

YEAH, I KNOW,

BUT THAT WOULD MAKE IT...

KIND OF IRONIC.

YEAH, LIKE, IT'S THE CONTEXT, RIGHT?

LIKE...

THIS PLACE IS SUCH A NON-STRIP BAR

THAT IF WE HAD STRIPPERS HERE,

IT WOULD BE LIKE A COMMENT

ON THE VERY NATURE OF STRIPPING ITSELF.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I MEAN.

I--I THINK MOST PEOPLE WOULD GET

WHAT WE WERE TRYING TO DO.

[CROWD CHEERS]

HEY, WHO ORDERED THE PITCHER AND THE SIDE OF THIGHS, HUH?!

THE MONEY STARTED FLOWIN' IN.

I MEAN, IT WAS REALLY AMAZING.

THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO MAKE MONEY IN A BAR BESIDES HIRING STRIPPERS.

CLAUDIA, DON'T BE NAIVE. EVERY BAR HAS STRIPPERS.

WHAT?

SOME DO.

SO, WHERE DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

ST. MARGARET'S.

WHAT GRADE ARE YOU IN?

THAT'S KINDA UP IN THE AIR RIGHT NOW.

LET'S JUST SAY SOFT SEVENTH.

THAT GRILL OUTSIDE WORK?

YEP.

YOU THINK I COULD GET A PORK CHOP?

MOM AND DAD WON'T LET US COOK ON THE GRILL.

COULD WE BURN STUFF ON IT?

AS LONG AS IT'S NOT FOOD.

HELLO.

DEAN, WE NEED TO TALK.

OK, BUT YA GOTTA MAKE IT QUICK.

PASSION TRAIN COMES ON IN 2 MINUTES.

CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA.

CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA.

OOOH-OOOOH!

DEAN.

HEH HEH.

THIS IS TOUGH,

BUT...

I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S WORKIN' OUT.

I--I MEAN, I JUST DON'T THINK WE'RE RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER,

YOU KNOW, AND YOU'RE--YOU'RE A REALLY GREAT GUY,

BUT I--I JUST THINK US AS A COUPLE,

YOU KNOW, WE...

IT'S OVER.

WOW!

THAT IS, UH-- THAT'S SUDDEN.

I KNOW, AND I--I REALLY HOPE YOU'RE NOT THAT UPSET,

AND I HOPE WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS.

WELL, I MEAN, IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL--

IT'S HOW I FEEL.

OK.

OK.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OK?

YEAH.

YOU DON'T MIND IF I STAY AND WATCH THE REST OF THIS SHOW,

'CAUSE, I MEAN, IF I LEAVE NOW,

I'LL MISS THE WHOLE FIRST HALF.

OH--OH, SURE.

IF YOU'RE OK WITH THAT.

I LOVE THIS PART!

CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA.

CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA.

OOOH-OOOH!

SO TELL ME AGAIN, WHAT EXACTLY DOES YOUR MOTHER DO?

ARE YOU SLOW?

SHE TAKES OFF HER CLOTHES!

AND THEN WHAT?

THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.

OH, MY GOD! HOW AM I GONNA FACE THEM?

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? THEY'RE WEARING CLOTHES NOW.

YEAH, NOW, SURE, BUT THE OTHER TIMES, THEY'RE NOT,

AND THEN THEY WOULD-- GONNA KNOW THAT I KNOW,

AND THEN WOULD-- BEING THERE KNOWING THAT.

I THINK CURLY'S OVERTHINKING THIS.

YEAH. HE DOES THAT.

Bobby: OK, UH, LET'S LIGHT THIS BABY.

ALL RIGHT, BURN, BABY, BURN!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WAS TRYING TO STOP THESE TWO

FROM DOING SOMETHING STUPID.

REGGIE, CALM DOWN. IT'S GONNA BE FINE.

THEY CAN'T STAY OUT THERE FOREVER.

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

THE PROTESTERS ARE STILL OUT THERE.

REGGIE SAYS THEY ATTACKED HIS CAR.

A BUNCH OF MOMS ATTACKED HIS CAR?

YEAH, THEY YANKED OFF HIS MICKEY MOUSE ANTENNA BALL.

SPOOKED HIM PRETTY BAD.

REGGIE, STAY STRONG.

WE'LL KEEP MONITORING THE SITUATION FROM HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, ED? WE GOTTA FACE FACTS, MAN.

WE GOTTA DROP THIS WHOLE STRIPPER THING.

NO WAY, NO.

I MEAN, LIKE, YOU KNOW, IF IT WAS JUST THE TEACHERS

OR IF IT WAS JUST THE PARENTS, MAYBE WE COULD WIN,

BUT WHEN THEY JOIN FORCES--

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T BEAT THE P.T.A., YOU KNOW THAT.

HEY, OUR LITTLE FRIEND HERE IS A REALLY GOOD INFLUENCE.

THIS IS WHAT OUR KIDS WERE ABOUT TO BURN.

BOBBY, COME ON.

OK, SO, FINE. WE CAN'T BURN THIS.

WHAT CAN WE BURN?

NOTHING!

OK, YA GOTTA WORK WITH ME HERE.

HELP ME GET TO "YES."

VERONICA, HI.

UM, YOUR SON IS GIVING MY KIDS ARSON LESSONS.

I'M TAKIN' YOU HOME.

BUT-- NO.

I'M SORRY.

HE KNOWS BETTER THAN THAT.

YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THOUGHT MY KIDS DID, TOO, BUT APPARENTLY NOT.

WELL, I'D LEAVE HIM HOME WITH HIS FATHER,

BUT THAT'S WHERE HE GETS ALL THOSE STUPID IDEAS.

EXA--I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN!

IT'S LIKE HAVING ANOTHER KID.

EDDIE, WE'RE TAKIN' OFF. ME, TOO.

SORRY, EDDIE, BUT THIS IS SO NOT WORTH IT.

COME ON. THIS CONTROVERSY IS GONNA BE GREAT FOR US.

IT BRINGS OUT THE FIRST AMENDMENT FREAKS,

AND THEY'RE BIG TIPPERS.

THE LADIES WANT TO GIVE UP,

AND WE'VE WORKED TOO HARD FOR TOO LONG TO LET THAT HAPPEN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WORKED TOO HARD?

YOU MADE A PHONE CALL TO A GUY IN JERSEY,

ASKED FOR 5 STRIPPERS.

WHAT'S THIS? WHAT?

"NUDE, NUDE, NUDE.

ONLY BLOCKS FROM ST. FINNIAN'S SCHOOL."

TH-THAT'S-- THAT'S WEIRD.

YEAH. EVERYBODY AT SCHOOL HAD THESE.

KIDS WERE USING THEM AS BOOK COVERS.

W-W-WE--WE DIDN'T PRINT THESE UP.

THIS SMACKS OF SABOTAGE. YOU THINK?

THIS IS WHAT THE P.T.A. GOT ALL RILED UP ABOUT.

SOMEBODY SET US UP,

SOMEBODY WHO DOESN'T WANT US IN THE BUSINESS.

WOW, WELL, WHOEVER THEY ARE, I GUESS THEY WIN AND WE LOSE.

DAMN!

WAIT A MINUTE. I RECOGNIZE THIS.

WHAT? THIS IS JUST A PICTURE OF A NAKED LADY.

YEAH, THAT'S A NAKED LADY I'VE BEEN SEEING FOR 20 YEARS.

IT'S YOURS, SEAN!

NO, THAT'S NOT MINE!

YEAH, RIGHT, BIG BOOBS,

TINY WAIST, NO LEGS,

'CAUSE YOU COULD NEVER DRAW ANKLES. THIS IS--

NOW YOU'RE TALKING CRAZY!

YOU SET ME UP! NO, I DIDN'T!

YOU SABOTAGED ME! MY OWN BROTHER!

ED, I HAVE MY REASONS!

YOU BROKE MY HEART!

HERE YOU GO. DO YOU GOT ANY PIE HERE?

NO, WE DON'T.

DO YOU GOT ANY CRUMB CAKE?

YOU ATE IT 45 MINUTES AGO.

DID I SAVE ANY?

NO.

BOBBY, YOU JUST ATE 2 TUBES OF PRINGLES.

ONE OF THEM WAS OPEN!

JIMMY, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE BOBBY AND GO WATCH TV?

NAW--NAW. NO, I'M COOL RIGHT HERE.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

NOT COOL. GO.

HEY, UH, WHAT IS THIS SHOW?

OH, THAT'S PASSION TRAIN.

MY MOM WON'T LET ME WATCH IT.

SHE SAYS, "THAT'S TOO RACY."

YOUR MOM IS A STRIPPER.

YEAH, WHAT'S YOUR POINT, RED?

MY POINT IS GET OUT, ALL OF YOU.

OR WHAT?

SHE'LL START TO SMACK US.

SHE WOULDN'T HIT ME. I'M COMPANY.

OK, OK, OK!

OOH! CHECK THIS OUT!

KENDRA JUST TOOK STEVEN INTO THE SLEEPER CAR.

HEE HEE HEE!

THIS IS SO GREAT, YOU KNOW?

I WAS REALLY WORRIED YOU WERE GONNA BE SAD,

BUT I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE NOT...

AT ALL.

HOW COULD YOU DO IT, SEAN?

HOW COULD YOU GO BEHIND MY BACK LIKE THAT?

WE'RE PARTNERS AND YOU SABOTAGED ME.

HEY, HEY, WE WERE PARTNERS IN A BAR, ALL RIGHT?

I DIDN'T WANT IT TO BECOME A STRIP CLUB.

OH, YOU COULD HAVE FOOLED ME WITH ALL YOUR WHOOPING AND HOLLERING.

OHH, MAYBE AT FIRST, OK,

BUT THEN I-- I CHANGED MY MIND.

I--I STARTED TO SEE THINGS MORE CLEARLY.

Man: WHOO!

NOW THE LADIES BEEN OUT THERE,

BREAK OUT WITH THOSE WALLETS

BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO PROVIDE THE ULTIMATE

IN ADULT ENTERTAINMENT.

I GIVE YOU... DESTINY.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO, RED BOOT.

MOLLY FITZGERALD?

UH. SHE'S DANCING ON STAGE RIGHT NOW.

OH.

OH, MRS. FITZGERALD.

HI. HOW ARE YA?

LAST ONE.

"CAPITAL OF NEBRASKA."

OH! OH! I KNOW THIS! I KNOW THIS ONE!

I KNOW THIS ONE! I KNOW THIS ONE!

LINCOLN, IT'S LINCOLN.

IT'S LINCOLN, IT'S LINCOLN, YEAH, LINCOLN.

IT'S LINCOLN.

OK, UH, CAT LITTER, UH-HUH,

LOW-FAT MILK.

YEAH. WE GOT CAT LITTER ALREADY.

YEAH, SHE'S, UH, SHE'S GREAT.

SHE'S GREAT. SHE'S--WE LOVE HER, TOO. SHE'S SWEET.

IT'S OK, IT'S OK, IT'S OK.

A LOT OF DOGS DO GREAT WITH JUST 3 LEGS. [SOBS]

IT'S SO CUTE THE WAY THEY HOP AROUND.

[SOBS]

IT'S GONNA BE OK, BABY.

OH, HI-- HELLO--IS THAT MR. FITZGERALD?

HI, SIR. HOW ARE YOU?

YEAH, I'M HER BOSS.

I KNOW. I KNOW.

SHE'S GREAT.

YEAH, YOU GUYS ARE UP LATE.

THE IRONY'S ALL GONE, MAN, OK?

NAKED STRANGERS ARE HOT.

NAKED EMPLOYEES ARE AWKWARD.

SEAN, TAKIN' A SAUNA WITH YOUR DAD IS AWKWARD.

THESE WOMEN ARE STRIPPERS.

THE WORD "STRIP" IS RIGHT IN THEIR JOB TITLE.

I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T-- I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

IS THAT WHY YOU WENT BEHIND MY BACK?

LOOK, I WANTED TO TELL YOU.

IF IT WAS JUST ME AND YOU, I WOULD'VE TOLD YOU, YOU KNOW,

BUT THERE WERE OTHER INTERESTED PARTIES.

[CROWD CHEERING]

ED, ED, WE GOTTA TALK.

JUST A SECOND.

THIS IS GOOD. THIS IS VERY GOOD.

THE INVESTORS WERE BEGINNING TO LOSE FAITH

IN YOUR BUSINESS ACUMEN.

PLEASE REASSURE THEM WE KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOIN'.

JUST KEEP IT UP.

I'M GONNA NEED SOME SINGLES.

YOU GOT IT.

I WAS SCREWED, YOU KNOW?

I HAD TO MAKE THE STRIPPERS GO AWAY,

BUT I COULDN'T BE THE ONE WHO DID IT,

SO I HAD TO GET SOME HELP FROM ABOVE.

WELL, MR. FINNERTY.

ARE YOU HERE ABOUT HENRY

AND THE HOLY WATER INCIDENT?

OH, NO, NO, NO.

I'M NOT HERE AS A PARENT, SISTER HELEN.

I'M HERE AS A BUSINESSMAN.

OH, AND WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS IS THAT?

STRIPPERS.

I'M SORRY?

THAT'S RIGHT, STRIPPERS,

NUDE EROTIC DANCERS.

YES, I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.

HOW UNFORTUNATE.

YEAH, IT IS, BUT, UH, SADLY, I'M WELL WITHIN MY RIGHTS,

SO THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

OK.

WOULD YOU HAND ME THOSE BOOKS THERE?

UH, SURE.

THANK YOU.

WAIT A MINUTE,

YOU'RE NOT AGAINST STRIPPING, SISTER HELEN?

OH, I AM AGAINST STRIPPING, MR. FINNERTY.

ALL RIGHT, THEN! BRING IT ON!

RAISE THE ALARMS, NOTIFY THE CHURCH OFFICIALS,

GET THE BISHOPS GOING.

COME ON, SEE IF I GIVE A DAMN.

MR. FINNERTY, DO YOU WANT ME TO PROTEST YOUR BAR?

HEY, WHOA, HEY, IT'S A FREE COUNTRY, SISTER.

I CAN'T STOP YOU FROM PROTESTING ANYTHING YOU WANT TO PROTEST,

ESPECIALLY MY SLEAZY, YOUTH-CORRUPTING BAR

THAT'S JUST DOWN THE STREET OVER A COUPLE OF BLOCKS.

YOU'RE RIGHT,

BUT SINCE IT'S BEHIND CLOSED DOORS,

I DON'T SEE HOW IT'S ANY OF MY BUSINESS.

WAIT A MINUTE.

ISN'T CLEANING UP THE STREETS YOUR JOB AS A NUN?

I THINK THAT'S SHAFT.

OK, FINE.

FINE. YOU JUST STAY HERE WHILE I HASTEN THE MORAL DECAY

OF OUR SOCIETY.

WELL, I HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT, MR. FINNERTY.

AS LONG AS THE PARENTS AREN'T SCREAMING ABOUT IT,

I REALLY DON'T CARE.

BYE-BYE.

OK, KID, TAKE THAT HOME, SHOW IT TO YOUR MOM, OK?

ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF?

NO, NOT PARTICULARLY, BUT IT WORKED.

YOU KNOW, A COUPLE HOURS LATER,

THE P.T.A. WAS OUT IN FORCE.

OH, HOW NICE FOR YOU.

OH, COME ON, ED,

WERE WE MAKIN' MONEY AT THE BAR?

SURE, YEAH, WE WERE MAKIN' A LITTLE BIT OF MONEY,

BUT AT WHAT COST, HUH?

MY SOUL, THAT'S WHAT THE COST WAS.

YOU KNOW, I QUIT THE SUBWAY 'CAUSE IT WAS DIRTY AND DEGRADING.

I DIDN'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO OUR BAR.

SEAN, DO YOU THINK THE INVESTORS ARE GONNA ROLL OVER

JUST BECAUSE A COUPLE OF MOMS PUT UP SOME SIGNS?

ONCE THE P.T.A. MOVES ON,

THEY ARE GONNA WANT THEIR NAKED LADIES BACK.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL JUST GO TO 'EM, I'LL TELL 'EM THE TRUTH.

NO. DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT.

LOOK, IT'S ALL I KNOW!

I'LL TALK TO THEM.

YOU WILL?

I'LL TELL THEM--

I'LL TELL THEM WE CAN'T AFFORD THE SCRUTINY

BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE A LIQUOR LICENSE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT, MAN?

WHAT'S THAT THING OVER THE CASH REGISTER?

THAT LOOKS LIKE A LIQUOR LICENSE, RIGHT?

THANKS, ED.

THANKS.

HA HA!

LIL, YOU MISSED IT.

GINA JUST LEFT DYLAN ON THE PLATFORM.

HA HA.

DEAN, I HAVEN'T BEEN COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU.

YOU SEE, THE TRUTH IS

I'VE BEEN SEEING SOMEONE ELSE.

YOU HAVE?

I'M AFRAID SO.

HEY, DEAN.

WHAT?!

NO WAY!

OH, YEAH, SUCKA!

CAN YOU TASTE THAT?! HUH?!

O'KEEFE'S IN THE HOUSE!

OH, YES, HE IS!

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

DEAN, I AM SO SORRY.

THE LAST THING I WANTED TO DO WAS HURT YOU.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!

OH, BELIEVE IT, MR. HANDSOME!

AAH!

BRING IT! BRING IT!

DEAN, DEAN, I'M SORRY.

I DID NOT WANT YOU TO FIND OUT LIKE THIS.

WELL, THEN, WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME LIKE THIS?!

I BELIEVE HONESTY IS VERY IMPORTANT!

YEAH. THANKS FOR WARMING HER UP FOR ME, DEAN-O!

BRAD! AAH!

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE CRAZY!

AND YOU, YOU'RE JUST AN IDIOT!

THE TWO OF YOU, YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER,

SO HAVE FUN!

GO FOR IT!

AND, LIL,

DON'T CALL ME.

I KNEW HE WAS GONNA TAKE IT BADLY.

AND YOU WANT TO BUY YOUR KID THE $100 SNEAKERS...

AND THE GAME CUBES AND THE SKATEBOARDS...

SO YOU WORK YOUR BUTT OFF,

AND THEN YOU GET TO FEEL GUILTY...

BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SPENDIN' ENOUGH TIME AT HOME...

YES, AND THEN YOU TAKE TIME OFF TO BE A BETTER MOM,

BUT BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, THE BILLS START TO PILE UP...

AND YOU START HAVING TO DO BACHELOR PARTIES...

Jill: AND FRAT PARTIES.

INTERNET STUFF.

YEAH...

OR TEMP OR SOMETHING.

HEY, LADIES, OK. HERE YOU ARE. ENJOY.

CLAUDIA, CAN I SPEAK WITH YOU FOR A SECOND?

EXCUSE-- EXCUSE US.

THANK YOU.

OK, BABY, YOU WERE RIGHT TO BE ANGRY, OK?

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE STRIPPERS

THROUGH THE P.T.A.

THANK YOU. I SHOULDN'T HAVE.

RIGHT, AND I'M GONNA MAKE IT OK,

'CAUSE I'M GETTIN' RID OF THE STRIPPERS.

YOU CAN'T!

I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO DO!

THEY HAVE KIDS AND APARTMENTS AND EXPENSES.

YEAH, THAT'S WHY I WANT THEM TO STOP DEGRADING THEMSELVES!

AND HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO MAKE A LIVING?

UH, SEAN, SORRY, BUT WE GOTTA GO.

THIS JUST AIN'T HAPPENIN' FOR US.

NO, WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GONNA DO?

OH, WE CAN STILL PICK UP A LATE SET AT THE BOOBY TRAP.

YOU CAN? JUST LIKE THAT?

OH, YEAH. WE CAN STILL MAKE 500 BUCKS TONIGHT.

500 BUCKS?!

YOU STILL WORRIED ABOUT 'EM?

NO. I WANT YOU GUYS

TO PAY FOR THOSE SANDWICHES.

GREAT TO MEET YOU, CLAUDIA.

YOU SHOULD COME SEE US PERFORM SOMETIME.

SURE, YEAH, OK.

MAYBE.

HEY, BOBBY, LET'S GO!

WE'RE GOIN' TO THE BOOBY TRAP!

HEY, UH, THANKS FOR THE HOSPITALITY.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW, MOM. WHAT?

BOBBY SAID I COULD SLEEP OVER!

UH-HUH. NO WAY. UPSTAIRS.

OH, UH, JUST SO YOU KNOW,

THAT SUGAR BOWL UPSTAIRS FULL OF CHANGE,

IT WAS EMPTY WHEN I GOT THERE.

* BORDERLINE

* FEELS LIKE I'M GOIN' TO LOSE MY MIND *

NOW T IS WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT, MAN.

CHECK OUT THIS CROWD.

YEAH, YEAH. WHO NEEDS NAKED WOMEN

WHEN WE CAN HAVE A LARGE GUY SINGIN' EARLY MADONNA?

ACTUALLY, HE'S PRETTY GOOD.

YEAH, HE'S DEAD-ON.

HEY, WHEN HE'S DONE,

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE SING EBONY AND IVORY, HUH?

YEAH.

COME ON. DON'T GO BREAKIN' MY HEART?

I GOT YOU, BABE?

I GOT YOU, BABE?

I'LL DO IT! YEAH?