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1
00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,280
- No, I don't think it's
conditioning at all,
2
00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:09,180
like I've literally been into girls
3
00:00:09,180 --> 00:00:10,890
since the first time I
remember seeing titties.
4
00:00:10,890 --> 00:00:14,590
- Yeah, but how do you know
that that came from you?
5
00:00:14,590 --> 00:00:17,150
Are you sure you weren't just
conditioned to like them,
6
00:00:17,150 --> 00:00:18,633
because your mom and dad
were out there showing you
7
00:00:18,633 --> 00:00:20,860
what the societal norm was?
8
00:00:20,860 --> 00:00:22,680
- No, I just think that my penis pointed
9
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:23,820
in a specific direction,
10
00:00:23,820 --> 00:00:25,590
and I followed it.
11
00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:26,490
- You're an idiot.
12
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:34,137
Okay, what's a four
letter word for unwritten?
13
00:00:37,340 --> 00:00:38,173
- Oral.
14
00:00:42,381 --> 00:00:44,245
- You're not a complete moron, after all.
15
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,410
- Yeah, respect me, son.
16
00:00:47,037 --> 00:00:48,123
Put some respect on my name.
17
00:00:48,990 --> 00:00:50,500
- How do you not remember this?
18
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:53,576
Back in the day in like ancient Greece,
19
00:00:53,576 --> 00:00:56,610
wait this controller, the
controller's sticking.
20
00:00:56,610 --> 00:01:01,402
They didn't associate sexual
relations with binary labels,
21
00:01:01,402 --> 00:01:02,632
bro, I can't,
22
00:01:02,632 --> 00:01:03,634
I can't with this controller
- Hey, don't break my shit.
23
00:01:03,634 --> 00:01:04,786
- I'm not.
24
00:01:04,786 --> 00:01:05,757
What was I saying?
25
00:01:05,757 --> 00:01:07,510
- Something with the labels.
26
00:01:07,510 --> 00:01:08,857
- Right, right.
27
00:01:08,857 --> 00:01:09,920
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
28
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,520
So Spartan men, Spartan warriors
29
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,280
would like straight up bang each other
30
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,190
before they went into battles.
31
00:01:15,190 --> 00:01:16,860
It was like a bonding thing.
- Bullshit.
32
00:01:16,860 --> 00:01:19,230
- Okay, well you're in the same
ancient history class as me.
33
00:01:19,230 --> 00:01:20,830
So I don't know if
you're not listening or--
34
00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:22,702
- No, I'm too busy getting sloppy blowies
35
00:01:22,702 --> 00:01:23,535
underneath the desk.
36
00:01:23,535 --> 00:01:24,740
- Oh, for sure, for sure, for sure.
37
00:01:25,942 --> 00:01:28,150
'Cause I'm a badass.
38
00:01:28,150 --> 00:01:28,983
- Jackass.
39
00:01:30,970 --> 00:01:31,930
- You want to go again?
40
00:01:31,930 --> 00:01:33,210
- Yes, I want to go again.
41
00:01:33,210 --> 00:01:34,340
No, don't get me wrong,
42
00:01:34,340 --> 00:01:35,920
I obviously understand
43
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:37,780
why men can be attracted to other men.
44
00:01:37,780 --> 00:01:42,603
I'm not homophobic to
the bros, bromophobic.
45
00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:44,398
- Nice one.
46
00:01:44,398 --> 00:01:45,299
- Thank you.
47
00:01:45,299 --> 00:01:48,340
But I'm just saying like I
can differentiate between
48
00:01:48,340 --> 00:01:50,260
like seeing a handsome dude
49
00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:52,970
and objectively thinking,
oh that guy is good looking
50
00:01:52,970 --> 00:01:54,900
and then conversely seeing a woman
51
00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:57,666
and thinking, I want to get
her pregnant on purpose.
52
00:01:57,666 --> 00:02:00,553
- You've always had such a way with words.
53
00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:01,693
- Thank you.
54
00:02:02,531 --> 00:02:04,602
- No, you're the cutest human.
55
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:05,435
- Not true.
56
00:02:05,435 --> 00:02:06,268
- I've literally never
57
00:02:06,268 --> 00:02:07,240
seen a human--
- Hey, you ready?
58
00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:08,730
- Yeah, okay, all right baby,
59
00:02:08,730 --> 00:02:09,563
we're gonna go get something to eat
60
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:10,920
but I love you, I love you so much.
61
00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:11,753
- Hey Olivia.
62
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:15,880
- [Olivia] Hi Jay.
63
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,644
- Hi, I love you more.
64
00:02:17,644 --> 00:02:19,449
I love you more than Alex.
65
00:02:19,449 --> 00:02:20,775
- That's not true.
66
00:02:20,775 --> 00:02:21,774
- Say that you love me more than Alex.
67
00:02:21,774 --> 00:02:23,724
- Don't say it, don't say it.
68
00:02:23,724 --> 00:02:25,557
- [Olivia] I love you.
69
00:02:26,938 --> 00:02:28,560
- That's unbelievable.
70
00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:29,800
- So basically you're saying
71
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,339
we should all be like dogs in the park
72
00:02:31,339 --> 00:02:33,739
just smashing everything
that comes around.
73
00:02:33,739 --> 00:02:34,946
- Can I get some of that?
74
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,137
- Hey, what's up, Jim?
75
00:02:36,137 --> 00:02:38,805
- What's up, fellas, party tonight?
76
00:02:38,805 --> 00:02:40,720
- Backgammon.
77
00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,880
- Man, no wonder no one likes
you in this neighborhood.
78
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:47,750
- Yo, I just, I find it interesting
79
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:50,195
that in some cultures
it wasn't as stigmatized
80
00:02:50,195 --> 00:02:51,160
as it is today.
81
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,735
Hey, don't drop that.
82
00:02:52,735 --> 00:02:54,210
- [Both] Whoa.
83
00:02:54,210 --> 00:02:56,400
- Like look, I think that society
84
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:57,800
has had a profound impact
85
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,160
on the way that we think about
86
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,490
and metabolize our sexual instincts.
87
00:03:02,490 --> 00:03:05,030
- Yeah, I don't know, it feels
really cut and dry to me.
88
00:03:05,030 --> 00:03:06,100
- Well yeah, that's
'cause you're a puppet.
89
00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:06,933
- Oh word?
90
00:03:06,933 --> 00:03:08,563
- You're a pawn in the system.
91
00:03:10,430 --> 00:03:11,263
Throw it.
92
00:03:12,110 --> 00:03:13,760
- No, this is precious cargo,
93
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,531
you're gonna drop it.
94
00:03:15,531 --> 00:03:17,110
(fizzing)
95
00:03:17,110 --> 00:03:19,393
- Don't waste it, don't
waste it, don't waste it.
96
00:03:20,772 --> 00:03:23,100
You play a really
unsophisticated game, Jay.
97
00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:24,470
If you keep making those same mistakes,
98
00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:26,200
I'm just gonna keep pouncing on your ass.
99
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,033
It's all right.
100
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,073
You want to go again?
101
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:31,900
- Let's kiss.
102
00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:32,733
- What's that?
103
00:03:35,896 --> 00:03:38,163
Quit fucking around man.
104
00:03:38,163 --> 00:03:40,665
(laughing)
105
00:03:40,665 --> 00:03:41,498
Kill you.
106
00:03:43,210 --> 00:03:44,190
- What?
107
00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:45,990
You've been going on and
on about this all day.
108
00:03:45,990 --> 00:03:47,900
Let's get to the bottom of it.
109
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:48,793
- You serious?
110
00:03:50,550 --> 00:03:51,630
- Why not?
111
00:03:51,630 --> 00:03:53,459
- A few reasons.
112
00:03:53,459 --> 00:03:54,940
A, I have a girlfriend,
113
00:03:54,940 --> 00:03:57,710
so technically I'd be cheating.
114
00:03:57,710 --> 00:03:59,301
- Don't agree with that.
115
00:03:59,301 --> 00:04:03,320
- B, you're not my man type, sorry.
116
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:04,290
- Ow, that hurts.
117
00:04:04,290 --> 00:04:07,650
- And C, we've been best friends
118
00:04:07,650 --> 00:04:09,440
since we were like 11 years old
119
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,060
so this is just a weird,
120
00:04:11,060 --> 00:04:12,688
it's a weird thing on all fronts.
121
00:04:12,688 --> 00:04:13,521
I'm not gonna--
122
00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:17,600
- Dude, okay, dude, after
you fucked that girl Emily,
123
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:18,433
you told me that she looked
124
00:04:18,433 --> 00:04:21,290
like a Yugoslavian hit
man, those are your words,
125
00:04:21,290 --> 00:04:24,201
I know for a fact that I'm cuter than her
126
00:04:24,201 --> 00:04:26,690
and besides, I've made out
127
00:04:26,690 --> 00:04:28,520
with so many of my friends that are girls,
128
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:29,740
it's not weird at all.
129
00:04:29,740 --> 00:04:32,970
It's like eating a peanut butter sandwich.
130
00:04:32,970 --> 00:04:35,875
Like I don't love peanut
butter but I'll eat it.
131
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:36,708
And according to you,
132
00:04:36,708 --> 00:04:38,381
this is a similar transaction.
133
00:04:38,381 --> 00:04:40,420
- You seem pretty cavalier
134
00:04:40,420 --> 00:04:43,430
for a guy that's been putting
up such a fuss all day.
135
00:04:43,430 --> 00:04:44,940
- No, I haven't been fussing.
136
00:04:44,940 --> 00:04:46,710
I just think it's a simple thing
137
00:04:46,710 --> 00:04:47,957
that I know the answer too
138
00:04:47,957 --> 00:04:50,760
but you made some compelling points
139
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,220
and I'm willing to test your theory.
140
00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:54,573
Plus, I'm schwasted.
141
00:04:59,950 --> 00:05:01,393
- So like now?
142
00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:04,940
- You want me to buy you dinner first or?
143
00:05:08,993 --> 00:05:09,952
All right, let's forget this.
144
00:05:09,952 --> 00:05:10,785
It's stupid.
- No, no, no,
145
00:05:10,785 --> 00:05:12,590
no, you know what man, no, you're right,
146
00:05:12,590 --> 00:05:14,500
you're right, you're right.
147
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:15,780
I'm down if you're down.
148
00:05:15,780 --> 00:05:16,660
- Okay.
- Okay.
149
00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:18,348
- All right.
- All right, let's go.
150
00:05:18,348 --> 00:05:19,515
- Let's do it.
151
00:05:20,567 --> 00:05:21,400
Let's go.
152
00:05:22,275 --> 00:05:23,900
- We should flip a coin first
153
00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:24,850
and two out of three.
154
00:05:24,850 --> 00:05:26,540
Two out of three, we'll do it.
155
00:05:26,540 --> 00:05:28,498
- If we're not feeling
it, let's not force--
156
00:05:28,498 --> 00:05:29,420
- It's not that I'm not feeling it,
157
00:05:29,420 --> 00:05:30,320
it's not that I'm not feeling it, man,
158
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,400
it's just that if I go in for it
159
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:33,860
and you pull away,
160
00:05:33,860 --> 00:05:36,805
then you will literally
never let me live down.
161
00:05:36,805 --> 00:05:37,638
- I'm not gonna pull away.
162
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:38,471
Let's just go let's go.
163
00:05:38,471 --> 00:05:39,304
- You're dead serious?
164
00:05:39,304 --> 00:05:41,743
- Yes, shit, yes, let's do it.
165
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:43,803
- Okay.
- Okay.
166
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:50,900
- Tongue or no tongue?
167
00:05:50,900 --> 00:05:52,420
- Dude, you know you're stressing me out,
168
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:53,393
let's just kiss,
169
00:05:53,393 --> 00:05:55,040
just kiss the way that you kiss.
170
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:55,873
- My bad, my bad.
171
00:05:55,873 --> 00:05:56,890
Okay, I'm gonna use tongue.
172
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,583
I'm not, I'm not, okay.
173
00:06:03,002 --> 00:06:05,103
- Just get closer.
174
00:06:05,103 --> 00:06:05,936
- Yeah.
175
00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:37,854
(phone buzzing)
176
00:06:38,852 --> 00:06:39,685
Oh shit.
177
00:06:40,690 --> 00:06:42,193
Hey, hey baby.
178
00:06:46,380 --> 00:06:50,237
Why are you calling me about
cutting your bangs right now?
179
00:06:52,590 --> 00:06:54,600
No yeah, babe,
180
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,900
her face is just shaped
differently than yours.
181
00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:59,090
I don't know what to tell you.
182
00:06:59,090 --> 00:06:59,960
No, I'm not saying
183
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:00,793
that they wouldn't look good on you,
184
00:07:00,793 --> 00:07:02,086
obviously they would look good on you
185
00:07:02,086 --> 00:07:03,336
but it's just,
186
00:07:05,470 --> 00:07:08,530
oh okay, so baby, I know that this feels
187
00:07:08,530 --> 00:07:10,500
like world changing right now
188
00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:13,820
but is there any way
that we can pick this up
189
00:07:13,820 --> 00:07:15,013
like tomorrow or?
190
00:07:16,510 --> 00:07:18,173
Great, yeah, thank you.
191
00:07:19,270 --> 00:07:20,790
No, look, they'll look great,
192
00:07:20,790 --> 00:07:21,623
you'd look great with them.
193
00:07:21,623 --> 00:07:23,369
I want you to do it, okay.
194
00:07:23,369 --> 00:07:24,763
All right, bye baby.
195
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:37,533
- You want a?
196
00:07:38,741 --> 00:07:39,991
- I think I'm still good.
197
00:07:41,051 --> 00:07:42,551
- Okay, all right.
198
00:07:47,481 --> 00:07:51,586
- You want to go again?
199
00:07:51,586 --> 00:07:54,336
(hip hop music)
12807
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