All language subtitles for When.Will.You.Marry.2025.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.AAC.2.0.H.264-TeamSyndicate_track3_[eng]

How could I get myself into this?

Such an adventure, like a dream…

Maybe I'll tell some gullible director,
and he'll make a film.

I'll become famous…

So, this adventurous story began
more than a hundred years ago in France.

Romantics were looking everywhere for a…

painting by the French genius Paul Gauguin
because a legend appeared

that this painting was the symbol
of the happiest wedding.

And here it is.

WHEN WILL YOU MARRY?

No, this is not a question for you,

but the name of this masterpiece
worth 300 million dollars.

And it was because of it that
this adventurous story happened.

Serduchka!

OUR DAYS. SOMEWHERE IN CROATIA

And this is me, I'm 34
and I'm running away from my problems.

And what's the painting got to do with it?

Let's start from the beginning.

I’m Ksenia, the director
of an art gallery, we’ve already met.

And this was my peaceful life
a week earlier.

And this big guy
is my little brother Mark.

He works in the police
but dreams of Interpol.

And he can't live without his glasses.
Imagines himself as a spy.

And this handsome man is my fiancé Bodia.

A promising artist with
a secret painting technique

that no one knows about. Not even me.

For thousands of people
this ordinary morning

might become unforgettable forever,

because dreams do come true.

Have you seen it?

My brother also decided to get married,

though this Anzhelka scares me.

And they've only known each other
for a month.

While Bohdan and I have been together
for three years.

And finally what I’ve been waiting for.

So our family is expecting
two weddings at once.

My brother is getting married,
and I'm getting married too.

Yes.

KYIV

Our gallery is
in the top 50 galleries in Europe.

We feature works
by world-renowned Ukrainian artists.

-And the youth?
-We help young artists too.

These paintings are so different.

Yes, each artist has their own vision,

but they're all inspired by one thing…

Love?

Yes, love.

This is a work
by a famous Ukrainian artist.

Tell me, what do you see in it?

A naked guy.

Give me some money.

He’s… not mine.

Cash only. A couple thousand.

He’s mine, but my brother.
He’s been sick lately. For 30 years.

Excuse me…

Let me show you the new collection.

Mark, what's with this casual bathrobe?

I have a government delegation here.

She broke my heart,
like my favorite Ray-Bans.

Who?

Anzhelka. She dumped me.
There won't be a wedding.

Mark, you've known each other
for one month.

Where's your gun?

I got kicked out of the police.
That's why she broke up with me.

They don't like my methods.

Though I, I see this evil,
I scan it everywhere, I scan it…

Calm down!

So, a hurt man. Stage one: Drama queen,

but the hysteria breaks in a second.

Looks like your scanner broke
when you met Anzhela.

What did she tell you?
That she's a ballerina?

And where did you meet her?
In a strip club.

-She was just replacing her friend there.
-Yeah, right…

I'll prove to her that I can succeed.
I will get a job at Interpol.

Stage two: Hero savior. Lasts an hour max.

A plane hijacked by terrorists.
She's inside.

I'll climb right onto the wing,
bite through a hole,

get inside to her and lick her…
her wounds.

And two seconds before it explodes,
we'll jump from this plane,

-you understand? That's how it'll be!
-Well, but you're afraid of heights.

That was back in school.

Right!

Goodbye, Anzhelka.

Time to forget the old
and look for something new.

The final stage comes
that same evening. Hunter.

Back on the hunt for a new one.

Shit!

Mark!

It's fine, I got this, I got this,
I got this. It's fine.

-You…
-It's fine.

You’ve drank too much.
Keep looking, this isn’t for you.

I have a call. I can’t choose a dress.

It’s been a week already.
And today is the deadline.

Yes, urgent call.

Now our family has one wedding less.

And I have more tasks:
dress, restaurant, menu, musicians,

decorations, invitations,
guest lists, honeymoon,

but in the evening I'll still find time

to do something nice for my beloved.

Gentler, you're not scrubbing the floor.

The pace is good, a bit more.

Let me make a few strokes.

Continue.

Make your face more inspired.

Smile. That's right, perfect!

Someday your portrait will be seen
in the Louvre.

Or at the cemetery.

Stop right there!
Where are you going, scumbag! Stop!

She wanted the Louvre!
Where are you, bitch?

Where are you, Bodia?

And this is what you paint with?

Pervert!

You promised a portrait to my mom!

I would have turned off the lights,
she wouldn't have seen.

My… brush.

Don't whine, artist.

Who are you, goddess of style?

I analyzed his recent social circle.
My assistant? No.

Notary? Ugh. Neighbor?
Oh, she's cut from a different cloth.

His colleague is more into girls.

Wait!

You were painting with Bodia?

School friend.
What Louvre are you talking about?

Mona Lisa from Koziatyn.

Film it, film it!

Oh you insatiable one!

Anzhelka has the same one.
Give her a lesson!

Film it, film it!

PROPAGANDA! BETTER GO MAKE BABIES!
CRINGE, PINK IS BETTER.

Okay, the filming of
"Why Women Kill?" is over.

That's it, turn off the cameras. Turn off!

That was just a royal… um,
champion stab, sister.

Well done, let's go.

How blind I was…
I was like under some spell.

Bodia drugged you.

I wouldn’t be surprised
if Anzhelka drugged me too.

Wait… Maybe they conspired?
Against our family.

And this Edik-Space guy,
he's their handler.

Oh, Edik! And he was telling me
it was true love…

This is the antidote.

Hi, dear.

And this is my new astrologist.

A friend assured me he's of cosmic level.

I literally have one minute.
I'm at Harvard Observatory,

we have a live feed from Earth's orbit.

Halley's Comet is about to pass by,
bringing fateful changes, by the way.

You told me that Bodia was my destiny.

You rushed me into marriage,
and he betrayed me.

Oh, so here are the changes.
That's right. This is Halley's Comet.

Do you even know
what he was painting with?

This is not just a violation of my soul,
it's a violation of art itself.

Well, listen, dear,
he's not the only one like that,

there are many famous ones.

For example… Pricasso.
Have you heard of him?

It’s pronounced Picasso.
His name is Picasso.

Mark, these are completely
different artists.

-That's my brother.
-Capricorn?

You're the ram yourself.

Uh-huh, Aries, obviously Aries.

Dear, listen to me.
The stars are protecting you.

Halley's Comet and I identified
the traitor in time

and amputated him from your life.

It just hurts so much.

Like something important
was torn away from me…

Yes, yes, no time, no time.

Money to my card, as always. And remember
one thing: your destiny is in your hands.

SEVEN DAYS OF DEPRESSION.
FOURTEEN BOTTLES OF PROSECCO

Interpol misses you.

I've already sent my resume.

Ugh, why are you slobbering all over her,
you pervert?

Shame on such movies!
They can't make anything decent.

Filmmakers!

Ksenia Vitaliivna,
you're not a gallery director,

you're a drunk and a penis killer.

Ksiu?

Is that you?

I understand, I saw that video,
it's such a shame.

Girl, what's wrong?
I haven’t seen you for ages! Come here.

Laura!

Oh, sorry.

Listen, is it true
that you broke his dick?

Oh you are a hooligan!

Well, I have a friend
who can fix it quickly.

Oh, you always knew how to understand art,

but never knew how to choose friends.

She has me.
And I'm better than ten best friends.

Go away, pervert!

Mark, this is Laura,
my university friend, remember?

Mark? This is your little one?
Is this the one who had…

for me in front of everyone?

That was in school.

Leave the classroom.

Laura, stop it, he was 15.

You were his first love.

Oh, kitty, when bad stuff happens,

and this is premium bad stuff, trust me,

I'm an expert in this,
you need to go on a trip.

Sea, summer…
And you'll forget your ex like a bad sex.

I don't know…

I can't.

I was invited to an art exhibition
for World Kissing Day, but…

I'm not in the mood.

Wait, is this the one
that all European high society

is buzzing about?

Well, you know, that most charismatic
blonde made a post about it.

-What's his name?
-Boris Johnson?

Well, not that charismatic,

though also married three times,
by the way.

Oh, Ostapchuk.

A crush, my ass.

A private millionaire and, they say,

quite a decent artist is organizing
his debut exhibition of paintings,

which he dedicated to World Kissing Day.

He was inspired by one of the most

expensive paintings in the world
on the theme of love.

Which of these
multi-million canvases it is,

we'll find out only on opening day.

And they that
this painting has magical power.

Yes, but you can only go there in pairs.

And, as you can see, I don’t have a pair.

Listen, well, I can help you.

Laura. The star of our university.

Hot girl.

But because of her adventurous ideas,

I always got into some kind of trouble.

I can be your beloved

lesbian pair.

Oh come on! No, no. Laura,
I've never done such experiments…

And I'm generally modest, quiet…

Bitch! Ahhh!
I paid for this New Zealand trip!

Yes, I wanted Bukovel,
but it's expensive there.

I… So…

-I’ll be right back.
-Uh-huh.

Eduard, I need you again.
What? Yes, you’re cosmic.

Okay, payment upfront,
send your card details.

I saw you on Marketplace,
selling Turkish shoes?

And I saw you on a dating site.
In the Dislike of the Year section.

There's no such section.

I see your romantic reflexes are
still preserved.

This is a rescuer's reflex,
trying to catch a bomb before it falls.

A heavy one.

And this heavy bomb can hit back.

My sister won't go anywhere with you.

Because she always listens to me.

I'm the authority in our family.

Ouch!

That's it, I'm a lesbian, let's fly!

And I'm watching you now.
I scan your every step.

Zip up your fly,
or the scanner might fall out.

Let's go!

Get used to it.

CROATIA

Following my old friend's
and my astrologer's advice,

I decided to run away from my problems,

not knowing that they were only beginning.

Everyone's in pairs,
the main thing is not to get caught.

We won’t, don’t worry.

This is for you, enjoy!

Maybe some appetizers?

No, no, no.

Age limit is up to thirty, son.

But according to statistics,
in 15% of couples,

women are older than men.

Uh-huh.

Well, when that statistic grows,
give me a call.

Did you hear that?

Shake it well.

Pardon?

Well, shake it. Party time.

Ah, you mean: Shake it up!

Shake it up. Shake it up.

Thank you.

Ksu, leave the student alone,
let him work.

Yeah, don't go heavy on the dessert.

Everyone remembers your drunk antics
to Serduchka at the prom.

That was in school.

Too bad there weren't social
networks then, you would've been a star.

Oh, I see a target.

This is just part of my works,

you'll see the rest at the exhibition
in a few days.

Do you like my technique?

Hmm, reminds me of a geometry textbook.

None of your paintings would sell
for even one dollar.

Okay?

Well, your hairstyle is screwed
because of the mountains,

sea, humidity, but you're such a beauty.

Stop drinking!

According to official statistics,
a woman's "no" is a "yes", but later.

Yes, later. In about 15 years.

For example,
Rembrandt's self-portrait was sold

for 18 million dollars,
and Van Gogh's for 90 million. Get it?

Yeah, I see. So paint a self-portrait?

No. I mean, you're neither Rembrandt
nor Van Gogh.

Self-portraits are the selfies
of those times.

And I'll join in,
and we'll sell for twice as much.

Hedonist.

Thank you for saving me
from those vampires.

Laura Craft: The Vampire Slayer.

Antonio. Artist, hedonist.
May I steal you from your partner?

I allow it. After all,
she loves alcohol more than me.

You know, this reminds me of Van Gogh's

tragic love for drinking.

Because of this, he cut off his own ear.

Well, that's a myth.

Not the whole ear, just a small piece
of the earlobe. Like this.

So he's the millionaire artist?

May I ask, do you also paint
with your dick?

-No.
-No?

One moment.

Are you drunk, miss intellectual?

Who? Me?
I'm as sober as a virgin antelope's tear.

Pablo Picasso's full name.

Pablo Picasso.

Pablo Diego José Francisco
de Paula Juan Nepomuceno

María de los Remedios Cipriano
de la Santísima

Trinidad Clito Ruiz y Picasso. Repeat!

You are a troublemaker!

Not this track!

Aah, Serduchka!

Prom 2.0.

Hot tea?

Perhaps I better do it myself…

Yes, better yourself.
I too, when alone, better do it myself.

Do…

Is that a girl texting?

If only. It's grandmother.
She's worried that I do everything myself.

That I’m single, I mean.

Now you can tell her you're doing it
with me, for a month already.

This will be my apology
and gratitude for saving me.

Nice to hear. Thank you.

I'm Theo, by the way.

Theo… Van Gogh had a brother Theo,

he was the only one in the whole world

who supported the strange artist.

Interesting coincidence.

I also have a brother
whom I support, but he's just strange.

A hedonist.

Theo, where did you get
such good Ukrainian from?

I was born in Ukraine,
and moved here when I was ten

to live with my grandmother.

I miss Ukraine.

It's okay, don't worry,
you just have a strong intonation.

Intoxication.

I'm allowed,
I'm experiencing a crisis right now.

Please, by all means,
drink as much as you want.

Are you trying to say
I'm some kind of alcoholic?

No, quite the opposite.
Alcoholics actually don't need much.

Come again…

All artists are perverts! I hate them!

You just broke a part of someone's soul.

I've already broken penises,
now I've started on souls.

Time to sleep.

Laura, let's go to sleep.

Laura! Laura!

This will help quickly.

I guess, the help is from Odesa.

From Arcadia.

Then for Arcadia and for Black Sea shrimp.

So, how are you here?

Fine. The people are nice,
the sea is beautiful,

but not like at home, you know?
Maybe it doesn’t smell the same.

Not the same,
because it’s not the Black Sea, not home.

-Stop!
-Mark?

-Go!
-Okay.

Stop!

Go! Go! Go!

Okay.

Make me some more coffee.

Two days without sleep,
and I’m already seeing things.

Understood.

Careful! Oh, sorry.

Mark?

Quiet!

What is this talent show?

I have a test task for Interpol.

And what do you have here, a wire?

Well, just say you came for Laura.

What?

-Go!
-Okay.

-You’re jealous…
-What?

Not interesting at all!

Well, of course, why would you bother her
with your fake microphones.

By the way, she has a real suitor now.

You're funny! I take a photo and send it
to mom, so she and dad can laugh.

I’m funny? Let me show you something now.

Congratulations, you’ve got
a new record, one million.

Send it to dad and mom, let them laugh.

Find yourself a proper job.

Uh-huh.

Unbeatable Van Gogh
for charming tourists. Only 50 euros.

Okay, I also have Munch’s "The Scream".

It screams like your two husbands
during football.

Only for you.
Van Gogh and Munch for 70 euros only.

It’s just that from all the flowers,
you chose those I’m allergic to.

Have you tried playing in a casino?

I’ll try.

I’m lucky.

-What will we do?
-Well, what else? Art.

Well, as Gustav Klimt said,
"All art is erotic".

You wouldn’t believe
what I was doing recently

while watching
Botticelli’s "The Birth of Venus".

Do you want to see
Paul Gauguin’s original?

Of course, she wants to,
she’s never seen originals.

It’s obvious.

Whisky. Ahh, prosecco.

Antonio. And you?

Venus… Venus.

Venus?

-Venus… Like the goddess of love.
-No, like the armless one.

She has no sense of humor at all.
I think she’s a fraud.

Oh! What a beauty my daughter-in-law is!

And yesterday she looked worse!

You like to drink, huh? Drink?

Drink? Yes. But I’ll pay. I’ll pay.

Who doesn’t like to drink?

Sit.

Is this for me? Oh, thank you.

Ukrainian?

Yes, Ukrainian.

Ukrainian…

To eat is not to shit, it can wait.

Eat, eat! Why did you stop?

Very tasty, thank you.

Said like farted in the water.

When will you marry?

-What?
-What?

What? Are you with her?

No, it’s the name
of a painting by Gauguin.

I invite you to my villa.

To see…

-Why?
-I was first.

-Why?
-For everything!

-Why?
-For everything!

Let’s go, Gauguin is waiting for us.

Keep looking. This isn’t yours.

I know, I’ll go.

Venus!

So much happiness is waiting for you!

How many times a day do you make love?

How many, how many a day?

Ah, how many days will I be here? Seven.

My Gosh!

Well, that’s too much!

This will help with irritations.

Help, help.

Ah, help from the sun, I got it.

Oh no, God!

-No?
-God, no!

Although, I don’t know
what you’re doing in bed now.

Beautiful, like an ass inside out.

Wait.

What’s this? Ah, I got it.

SWEAR BEAUTIFULLY:
COLORFUL UKRAINIAN SWEAR WORDS

Oh, lonely, like a finger up an ass.

Thanks for reminding me.

You again?

Sorry, we don’t have a pool here.

There’s a fountain by the corner.
Or you need a drink first?

What? I… I told you yesterday
that I’m not some…

Of course.

Wasn’t a painting enough for you, now
you’re here to run my grandmother’s café?

Ruin. Here, read this,
it’s your level. You mix up words like…

Your grandmother?

Great photo!

Yeah, it blew up!.

Who blew up? Did I blow up? I actually…

Play along, as if you liked it.
I’ll explain later.

It was so… tasty.

Acting is terrible!

Terrible is what you were doing
with your tongue in my mouth.

I’ll explain later.

And you just jumped off
the cliff like that?

Well, yeah.

Cool, my brother wouldn’t do that.
He’s afraid of heights.

I’m generally not afraid of much.

You’re bleeding!

Me too!

It's nothing, just a small cut.

You're all covered in blood.
So am I. And it won’t stop…

I’ve seen this somewhere before.

You’re bleeding! And I am!

It’s nothing serious, just a small cut.

No, you’re covered in blood!

It won’t stop!

Tolya! Tolya! Tolik!

Kiss me. I’m dying.

Tolya? Tolya, is that you?

Ksiu?

I think there was also a kiss then.

That was in school.

There was Tolya, and now there’s Theo.

Listen, how long has it been?
About 15 years?

Twenty three.

And where did you disappear back then?

Well, my parents died then,
if you remember.

My only grandmother took me in
and raised me.

You have such a young grandmother,
like a movie star.

But I didn’t know you have Croatian roots.

Only half. My mom is Ukrainian,
and my dad is from here.

By the way, they met here.

Really? In this café?

At this table. Here are their photos.

That's so… romantic.

They went to Ukraine,
got married, and that’s where I was born.

Tolya…

Theo!

Bring us our best wine!

I’m asking seriously.
Do you want to be together?

You? Together?

Ah, together, yeah, in school. Together.

Why?

I bless you, my children!

-Is she blessing us now…
-She blessed us!

Let’s talk, now!

What’s this?
Is this some kind of scam or what?

No. My grandmother just worries about me,

she wants me to be happy.

Listen, I recently called off my wedding.

Familiar.

My fiancé… she was a scammer
and dreamt with someone else.

You mean slept with someone.
This sounds familiar to me too.

Yeah, she slept with him, thanks.

Listen, I know you have your own love and…

Who? Laura?

There’s nothing between us,
I just need to get to that exhibition

and she’ll help me.

So?

We pretend to be a couple,
but it’s not like that. Long story…

Go and tell your grandmother.
This is not a game.

Maybe you can help me too?

For a day or two. Songs, dances.

I’ll go and tell her everything myself.

Laura!

Laura! Laura!

I’m here.

So, where is your painting, huh?

One moment.

Laura, hotel… alternative view on you.

Laura hotel, as if you open Get Contact.

-What?
-Nothing.

Well, like bananas, like painting.

Mark?

GMO everywhere.

Sorry…

Tell her.

Now you’re part of our family.

I don’t understand your language,

but there is a language

everyone understands.

It’s the language of love!

-She told you…
-I understood.

I just can’t break her heart.

When I leave, you’ll tell her everything.
I’ll play along.

Thank you.

This café… this meeting,
just like with your parents.

That was awful.

She controlled the whole process,
I felt like a teenager again.

I’m off to the market, my dear ones.

Grandmother covered a hole there.

Don’t worry, it’s a reconstruction.

Reproduction. The Venus of Dresden.

Where did your grandmother
get the original?

It’s hanging in a museum in Dresden.
Castel Franco, 1508.

Ah, this… Laura forgot.
It’s her style. She loves arrests.

I forgot the handcuffs

I came up with a new game.
Pirates and treasure.

I’m a pirate. And where’s your treasure?

Where’s the painting?

Painting?

Painting.

What painting?
I don’t know anything about a painting.

I need to go to the bathroom.

Where’s the painting, you wimp?!

Painting… no…

INCOME CALL: PAINTING $$$

Did you think you could get me into bed?

Laura Bohdanivna cracks guys like you
like a squirrel cracks nuts.

By the way, speaking of nuts.

Where is the painting?

Where’s Gauguin?

High-quality reproduction.

This is the original!

Ksiu!

Where did it come from?

This is the original.

I know.

Where did your grandma get an original
worth 300 million?

But I did everything.
It’s just… there was a little… screw-up.

Valentino, Ferragamo, McQeen, Testoni,
Botoni, Santoni, Branchini forgive me,

I didn’t get a chance to enjoy you.
I’ve had my fun.

Forgive me my sins.
Give me a sign that you love me!

ORIGINAL! BUT TELL NO ONE.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?

I found it!

I found it! I found it! I got it!
Here’s the painting! Here!

Everything’s under control.

I’ll ask where it is.

Where did the waiter get Gauguin?
Did you steal the painting?

Of course not.
It just ended up here by accident.

I get it, I’m calling the police. 911,
or whatever you have?

What police? Please, calm down.
Grandma accidentally…

-Did Grandma steal it?
-Of course not.

-From whom?
-From me.

It’s my painting.

I think I know how it ended up here.

A couple of days ago,

Grandma asked me for a painting
to cover a crack in the wall.

Of course, I told her to take one
from my room on the right.

Here, look!

See? She got confused
and went into the bedroom,

and there is my storage there.

A painting behind the other painting.
Cool, right?

If only Antonio hadn’t forgotten
to lock up behind him.

Everything’s very simple, no safes.

Because, well, who would rob me
except for my relatives?

It turned out kind of stupid.

That’s my grandma.

Your grandma is awesome.

So you’re a liar after all.
I’ve met people like you…

Yes, I lied.

I pretended to be a waiter at my party

and wanted to hear honest reviews
about my paintings.

Antonio pretended to be me.

It was his idea.
I didn’t need any of this.

And with me?

Who did you pretend to be in bed?

I’ll never let you go.

Sorry, this is urgent.

I’ll come back, and we’ll finish.

You’re all the same. Artists!

Ksenia, is that you?

You haven’t called in a while,
and I was in a cosmic flow,

and Mars suggested helping you.

I am fed up with it!
Tell your Mars I know what I need to do.

Believe me, you need
an extended consultation right now.

Look, Mars is currently in opposition
to the Sun,

and this transit brings a great deception

that can be revealed at any moment…

Astrologer-pseudo… biologist!

And who are you?

I’m Angela! Where are my millions?

Mars promised me a Zanzibar sheikh,

and I got a visit to the gynecologist.

This is… this is just a studio!
What are they filming?

What are they filming here,
scam artist, huh?!

Psychics.

And you? Are you a psychic?

I’m a stylist.

Oh, get out of here!

My hair!

Ah, it’s you?

Tell your brother
I forgive him. Let him come back.

Because I won’t give the ring back!

The ring…

I have to return it,
I’m not Anzhelka after all.

-Where have you been?
-We had the weekend.

-Where’s Antonio?
-I have no clue.

-Did he let you go again?
-Yes.

What are you doing in my bed?

Speak Ukrainian, it’s necessary.

Brother, women have ruined me.

Marin wanted to steal the painting.

I see.

Theo…

One more thing…

This Ukrainian works for Marin.
She is very sneaky.

I just need to get to this exhibition.
It’s a long story.

I know.

You stay here, I’ll go alone.
And you should find yourself a job.

Job? What do you mean? I'm a hedonist.

What was that?

Laura? How did you get here?

I didn't give you the address.

Antonio told me.

And the painting?

To him?

Yes.

Great! Maybe we should have a drink?

Now?

Theo's ex. Criminal.

Painting.

Traitor!

Hey! Get up, do you hear me?

Quick, quick!

Leave this whore!

Marin. Theo's ex.

Turns out, she's a black market
art dealer. I'm in trouble!

Let's go!

Come on, let’s follow them!

Drive!

Where's Ksenia?

She almost killed me!
She stole Grandma and took the painting.

Quiet, quiet, no police.
I'm from Interpol.

TOLYA

See?

She threw it away on purpose
so we couldn't track her by GPS.

Listen, she's very dangerous.

But stay calm,
we just need to know where they went.

Some special place?

Come on!

Put on your helmet. Strapped in?

Protect your head!

A concussion, for sure.

Go, go, go, go! Police! Go!

Bastard! I'll report you to the police!

Hey! What are you doing?

-Why?
-For everything!

Got away.

Lost them.

Lost them, lost them.

What is this place?

Theo will find it. Follow me!

-Are you starting to switch to Ukrainian?
-Yes.

That little book did you good.

Two hundred hours.

Years?

Years.

My great-great-grandmother wrote here.

Painted, painted.

And now Theo paints pictures.

This ring…

Uh-huh, yes. It’s the same one.

Did you bring me to confession?

See the plaque?

My ancestors built it.
Our family's place of power.

So, you're saving the family,
and I'm saving the painting.

I understand your language.

How much will you get for it
on the black market? 200 million?

Are you working for my ex?

I'm not with her. Laura! Laura, tell him!

Sorry, Ksiu,
but while you were living well,

I was selling panties at the market.
So, the traitor here is you.

Laura, arrest them.

Are you an idiot?
Where am I and where is Interpol?

I wanna double.

Sorry, she can really kill
for bad English.

I trusted you…

As did I.

You got the painting,
what else do you want?

The painting.

The painting.

You won't do anything with it anyway.

Let her go!

Let’s go, granny!

Wait, Theo, we need to talk.

-We have nothing to talk about.
-But I…

We have nothing to talk about.
A driver will pick you up.

-I'm not guilty.
-I don't believe you.

Because of your games,
I almost lost the most precious.

Theo…

My family.

She's family.

She's nobody. I've known her for two days.

And love?

We were just playing you.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Ksiu…

Forgive me, if you can.

I just wanted to be like you.
To be respected.

I wanted to wear Italian shoes.
I screwed everything up.

I was afraid she would kill you.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Now I started all this,

and I'll fix it.

We'll get him back.

And I gave Laura a chance.
Let's see if Theo will give me one.

Everything as usual.
Great with art, zero with men.

Intoxication. Trans fats everywhere.

Yes, that's it.
I'm done with all this! He just…

he doesn’t want to listen to me at all.

Get ready, we’re leaving!

Don’t panic.

I'm not panicking. I’m not panicking.

I just won’t humiliate myself
like this anymore. I…

I’m the director of the gallery.

This is mine.

Get ready!

Damn!

So, the blitz on the beach failed,

but Laura Craft will come up
with a new one.

I’m fed up with all your plans!
What Laura Craft are you?

You’re a fake.

You’ve been Laura Bohdanivna Krav…chenko
all your life.

O, bella mio, scuza. Amore mio!

They don’t understand you.
They’re Chinese.

But their soul is Italian.

Enough. Nothing more to recover. Let's go.

What about the ring?

Again…

I’ll take care of it.

And you own me new shoes.

Why return it at all?

Let her have it!

Maybe you’ll give it back?

Hm… I’d rather sell it.

You’ll give away what’s yours,

but this belonged to my mother.

Loner!

Laura, I won’t be able to, please.

Please.

You’ll manage!

You’re a hooligan.

Alone, like a finger in the ass.

Well, ask how she’s doing.

I don’t care.

Don’t give it back right away,
say a compliment.

Your ring. I wish you happiness.

Take it.

Have a safe trip home.

Start negotiations.

By the way, I noticed
your Ukrainian is getting better.

Simply bravo!

These handcuffs became
a new beginning for us.

And for some, handcuffs

are the end of the story.

I'm reporting from the crime scene.

Thanks to a secret special operation,
the queen of the black market

for masterpieces was arrested.

It turned out to be the fake socialite
Marin Yovanovych.

The fraudster was arrested
while illegally selling

a painting by Gauguin
worth 300 million dollars.

Tell us
what the investigation has established.

Tell us.

No comment.

The important thing is that we know
who is the real fake now. Step aside.

Go ahead and comment on what you’re doing.

This is for you.

I found out that this operation
was planned and carried out by our

Ukrainian Interpol officer,
and this is his first assignment on duty.

ORIGINAL FOR THE REAL ONE.
FOR LAURA KRAVCHENKO

He promises
that this is not his final goal.

We’re expecting
the uncovering of more crimes.

Are they really… Italian?

Si, si.

I’ll keep my finger on the pulse.

It’s just been revealed
that the painting is a fake.

I wonder where the original went?

Hold her!

And indeed, where has the original gone?

Will Laura hunt for the painting again?

Or maybe Marin will take revenge on me
for her defeat?

So today, on World Kiss Day,
we decided to combine

an art exhibition and our wedding.

And why did your brother pretend
to be an artist?

To be you?
Are you ashamed of your paintings?

No, it was an unfortunate joke.

As unfortunate as your paintings?
No one is still buying them.

As Salvador Dalí once said,
"I wouldn't buy any of my paintings".

Fortunately, you're not Salvador Dalí.

I wonder, what about your ex? Marin?

I don't care. I think it's
a matter for the police and the court.

But you’ve lost
the most expensive painting in the world.

Three hundred million dollars.

Is it really worth that?

Yes, I’ve indeed lost
the most expensive painting in the world,

but I met the most precious person.

I don’t think you’ll understand that.

Enough, the interview is over. Bye-bye!

Forget about her!

Laura! Finally, I have the best friend.

And, it seems, the best man.

According to official statistics,
women love flowers.

Sweetie, women aren’t just statistics.

We are the spark, inspiration, passion.

The main thing is right here, not here.

And also, according to statistics,
women love money.

Well, in this case,
the statistics are right.

Go already, intellectual.

Laura, Laura,
all the teenagers are crazy about you,

not just my weird little brother.

Why is he little? And he’s not weird
at all. Well, maybe just a little.

And by the way, will he come here?

He said he has a new job.

What job?

I don’t know. He said they pay well.

And I hope
there are no spy tricks involved.

By the way, speaking of tricks… Here.

And this is for you.

You won’t just be doing art, you know.

Understand my hint?

Laura!

To you!

Oh, my darlings! I confess,
this little thing will delight you.

I hope so.

Yes, yes, I hope…
this little thing will delight.

Grandma!

Wow, it’s not a little thing!
This is the original!

What do you mean, original?

This is the original!

How is it the original?
I bought it for 50 euros from Robert.

From me?

ORIGINAL - 300 MILLION EUR
REPRODUCTION - 50 EUR

Hey! What are you doing?

Oh my God, how many times have I asked you

to send me the original of any masterpiece

so I never have to work again?
You don’t hear me!

I really messed up!
I sold the original for 50 euros.

I really messed up!
I took the wrong painting.

It came back to us.
This painting, it’s our talisman.

And for the brunette –
a reason to sit for 15 years.

Congratulations on your return!

Yes, the painting is with the owners.
Task complete.

What? Hello!

He’s playing at being Interpol.

"When will you marry?"

Maybe this painting
by the French genius really is magical?

After all, it’s been hunted
for over a hundred years.

But it brought our fates together.

Grandma!

Have you heard

-about the painting that was stolen?
-I’ve heard.

-It’s mine.
-No way!

-Three hundred million.
-No way!

But I’m lucky,
money will find me on its own.

And I’ll take you to Hollywood.

-Me?
-Yes.

-To Hollywood?
-Yes.

-Me?
-Yes!

-To Hollywood?
-Yes.

I’m going the other way.

Ah, these women…

I don’t know how to impress her.

No one can impress her.

According to statistics,
women love jewelry.

I’ll buy a ring.
Can you give me 100 euros?

I’m bankrupt.

But you said, hedonist…

It’s almost a synonym.

Dad!

Don’t say "Dad"!

Or I’ll send you to Mom in Ukraine,
and your vacation will be over.

At parties everyone is on their own.

LET'S GET MARRIED!
I'LL PAY FOR EVERYTHING!

Finally!

Listen, hedonist, maybe it's time
to think about your son’s future?

Son! Hedonist isn’t a profession.
Choose a university, I’ll pay.

Mark? I wanted to talk to you.

Laura Bohdanivna,
I’m at work. I’m working.

I can’t. I’m working right now.

What Bohdanivna?

We’re almost the same age.

I’m working right now!

Mark, I’ll catch up with you!
I just want to talk to you.

-Stop! I’m at work. I’m working.
-Mark!

Your Ukrainian is getting better.

Don’t get distracted,
the cards – they don’t lie.

That’s for sure.

Love will find you.

Like the sun on the beach.

Recently I had the bitch.

She first broke my heart,
then my favorite glasses.

I still can’t find new ones.

Keep looking. It’s not yours.

Mark, are you sure
you're not coming with us?

No, I have a new job.

What job? Tell me.

Well, there’s a lady in danger
at the Louvre. Venus.

Mark, just say it, you’re a guard.

No need to be ashamed, tough times.

Time to go home!

Where’s Mark?

He ran off to work. Just now.

Uh-huh.

So what? Who should I drop off in Odessa?

Are you going home too?

Uh-huh. Suddenly
I crave Black Sea shrimp so much.

Time to go home.

Mark! Mark! Mark! Wait!

Originals suit you.

You too.

Finally, I’ve found what’s mine.

Bohdanivna, come home and wait for me.

Mark! Mark, you’re afraid of heights!

That was in school.

Time to go home.

ODESA

SEVEN MONTHS LATER

Well, I’m afraid to try.
I’m not as brave as you.

Come on, girl, let’s do it.
These are going to be mega feelings.

I’m telling you.

We live in a modern country.
What’s the matter?

Well, for me, it’s just too much.

What will the parents say?
How will Theo react?

What if someone films us
and I end up in social media again?

Who cares? It’s our choice.

Our first and unforgettable experience.

Screw them all!
Let them watch themselves, right?

Okay, with you, I’m ready.

Yes, this is our first training.

And the doctors promise
that water births will be just perfect.

Wait a second.

Hello!

What vegetables?

Am I a goat to you?
Bring me steaks for the wedding.

When’s the wedding?

Oh, when your brother calls,
can you ask him when I’m getting married?

Hello! You see, he’s a special agent.

And right now,
he’s on a special mission, so honestly,

I don’t even know when I’ll get married.
But I will, for sure.

I wonder, when will you marry?

Ask your special agent!