Original subtitles

Hey, honey, did you find the diaper bag yet?

No, I didn`t find it.

I packed it early this morning.

I don`t know what happened to it.

We`re not going to get very far on this road trip without a diaper bag.

I agree. Okay, so let`s find it.

Honey, can you please turn that down for Mom. It`s so loud.

KRlSTlNA: Did you pack his bag? ADAM: Max, volume!

I swear to God, I hate the week after the holidays.

There`s so much chaos, there`s no structure.

There`s candy everywhere, there`s toys everywhere.

Max, please, please!

Honey, did you look in the kitchen? I`m begging you.

It`s not in the kitchen, okay? Why would I put it in the kitchen?

So, what, there`s no... (GRUNTS)

KRlSTlNA: Ow! Oh, God! Sorry!

Adam, you know what?

Honey, listen, you seem a little overwhelmed.

Can you just take a breath, all right? I`m sorry. Sorry.

I am a little bit overwhelmed.

Why would your dad plan this trip to go see your grandmother?

He doesn`t even like his mother. It`s her birthday.

Hey, that`s a little harsh, okay? Everybody loves their mother.

I`m going to go look in the kitchen.

He doesn`t like his mother. Max!

(TV BLARlNG)

(NORA CRYlNG)

MARK: Oh, my gosh, that feels so good! (BED CREAKlNG)

SARAH: Yes! Oh!

SARAH: Oh! See? (LAUGHlNG)

SARAH: Yes! Yes! Yes! Okay, okay.

We`re saying now that I have 2$ hours to get this briefwritten?

No, no, no, no, I will do it. I will do it.

I`m just going out of town so l`ll have to do it on the road.

Okay, thank you. It`s fine, it`s fine.

You sure we`re not under-packed?

(LAUGHS)

Your dad called. Again. Yeah.

He wants us on the road at 0900 this morning, on the dot.

Sweetie! It`s time to go. Are you ready?

He freaks out about Grandma. I don`t know what it is.

HADDlE: Mom, it`s right there. You can`t just grab it?

Haddie... Max, honey, it`s time to wrap it up. Let`s go.

HADDlE: There. Are we stopping? I`m almost done.

No, you`re done now. Max.

Max.

Max, we`re leaving. I said l`m almost done.

Five more.

One more. Wait. No!

We`re done. Do you realize what you just did?

Don`t yell at me.

I`ve been working on that level for days!

Stop yelling.

Days! I just lost everything. It doesn`t matter.

I`ve been telling you for the past hour to turn it off and you`ve not listened to me.

You`re such a bitch! Do not throw...

What did you just say to me? You`re such a bitch!

Okay, that is it. You are being punished. You`re punished.

Oh, yeah, right. You`re...

Like last Saturday when you said I wouldn`t be able to go to the movies?

And you totally forgot and we ended up going anyway?

I... You... You`re not going on this trip. What?

Get upstairs now. You`re not going on this trip.

This is so unfair!

Don`t throw stuff at me! I hate you!

I`ll say what`s fair and what`s not fair. I`m the mom. It`s fair!

(SlGHS)

Come on, Camille. Can we hurry it up a little? We`ve got a schedule here.

You`re pacing.

I`m not pacing.

Sweetie? Hmm?

Hon, before we drag your entire family on this trip,

are you sure that you want to go through with this?

Oh, come on, it`s my mom`s 86th birthday.

Hell, yeah, I want to go through with it.

Yeah, I know, but we didn`t go to her 85th birthday.

Or her 8$th birthday, or her 77th birthday, or her...

No, I mean, come on, you know? I mean, she has a fall,

she hurts herself.

I don`t know, you know? I just thought, you know...

Yeah, yeah I know.

Look, yeah, l`m going to go check the tires on the truck, all right?

It`ll be fine.

I found the diaper bag, okay? He has to go.

He`s not going. You have to go. Nora has to go.

I`m not going. We all have to go.

And Nora`s definitely not going, unless, of course, you can nurse, which...

Listen to me. I don`t see anything happening there.

I think this is extreme.

Your son called me a bitch. He called me a bitch twice.

I understand that. And l`m sorry, okay? It`s not cool.

I`m sure he didn`t mean it, and I want to come up with a solution here.

I don`t care if he meant it or not.

Why, of all punishments, did you choose this?

Because it just came out of my mouth, okay?

I need to follow through on this. Well, can we think creatively,

come up with a different punishment? Creatively what?

Maybe just issue him a warning? This is so important to my dad.

His happiness is more important than me following through on...

That`s not what l`m saying. What about our family?

I need to stick to my guns on this, okay?

I warn him all the time and it`s meaningless.

I get it, but my dad`s going to freak.

I mean, look at it this way, you`re going to have fun with Haddie, right?

Some bonding time.

Yeah, kinda nice.

I`m really sorry, honey.

CAMlLLE: Boy... Now, hold on.

Boy, make sure you strap that thing down good and tight now.

Well, I want it tight. I want it solid.

I don`t want anybody stealing it.

I don`t think we actually have to worry about this being stolen.

Yeah. Lovely as it is. (HONKlNG)

Hey! Adam`s here! All right, all right.

Millie, yeah, get the talkies and the maps.

Come on everybody, let`s go! AMBER: Geez Louise.

Hey, hey! SARAH: Hey!

Drew! HADDlE: Good morning.

Hey, you guys! Come on, get...

Where`s the baby? Where`s Kristina?

They couldn`t make it, Dad. I`m sorry.

What, are they sick?

(SlGHlNG) Let`s go.

No, Max got into it with Kristina,

and she felt like she needed to give him a punishment,

and that`s going to be not going... Well, maybe I should call...

She`s gotta stay home with the baby, too, all right?

Can I call?

No.

But, Adam, it`s my mom`s 86th birthday.

Yeah, Dad, I know it is. That`s a little insane here, all right?

It`s not insane, Dad. Well, it is.

This is what we have to do for Max sometimes.

We should stop by on the way out of here.

We can`t reach Max about his behavior unless there are consequences, okay?

So it has to go down this way.

I`ve got to be supportive of her, all right?

Can you just respect that, please?

Zeek, the walkies. Right. Okay.

ZEEK: One of these per car. Thank you, Camille. CAMlLLE: Okay.

All right, please don`t lose these.

It`d be hard to. I`m the passenger.

ZEEK: The route of travel is highlighted in yellow.

There are menus included in the packet

because we`re going to be stopping at Cindy`s Diner for lunch.

Exit 127.

So everybody can fill out their little order form.

We don`t have to wait around for that

because it takes forever with the little ones, okay?

Is this like a paper GPS? Is that what this is?

Now the walkie-talkies, let me explain something.

SARAH: Do they still work?

They do, and listen up, all right?

These are mission-specific use only.

They`re not toys. Don`t fool around with them.

Can we just use cell phones? No, no.

That we all have? You can`t use cell phones while you`re driving, Joel.

Come on, Joel!

ADAM: Joel... Sorry. It`s a stupid question, guys.

I think it`s a good... If everything goes according to schedule,

we should be at the motel in Bakersfield by 1900.

I don`t have my flak jacket. We`re going into a combat zone?

What`s going on? ZEEK: Okay, you`re being a little wisenheimer...

Does anybody have to pee?

No. No, sir! No, sir!

Do you have to pee, Jabbar? No, sir!

Sydney, do you have to pee?

No, do you?

Is everybody ready to go?

Let`s all have a safe trip. Hey, obey the speed limit.

Obey all traffic laws. I don`t want anybody busted. Obey the speed limit.

So let`s get on the road now.

(ALL SHOUTlNG EXClTEDLY)

(ALL HONKlNG HORNS)

(CELL PHONE CHlMES)

What do you think you want to study, Haddie?

Uh, what? I don`t know, Dad.

In college.

I don`t know.

You know what? You`re going to have

the time of your life in college, guaranteed.

(LAUGHlNG)

Who are you texting?

Caroline.

Caroline.

She`s a smart girl. Does she know where she`s going to college yet?

Uh... I don`t know.

(CELL PHONE CHlMES) (LAUGHlNG)

(SlNGlNG) Chicken bones ice cream cones

That`s what makes The world go round

Lizard beak, trick or treat That`s what makes The world go round

Toilet rolls, tippy-toes That`s what makes The world go round

Happy legs, la, la, la That`s what makes The world go round

(TURNS OFF MUSlC) Okay. Hey, hey.

Guys, guys, guys, guys, okay.

We`re going to take a little break.

Just a little break from the music. Yeah.

I have to write this brief. Thank you.

Well, it doesn`t look very brief.

(SYDNEY LAUGHlNG)

(LAUGHlNG) I love legal jokes. They`re so good!

JABBAR: I love legal jokes.

SYDNEY: You`re so funny. SARAH: (ON WALKlE) Hi, Crosby.

That`s all I can think of to say! AMBER: Oh, my God!

Hi! Mission-specific communications only.

Thank you so much.

Red leader, this is Night Wing, over and out.

Night Wing, that`s good. Right? Good, right?

That sounds like a mission title.

Do you have one that you want? What is yours?

I`m called Night Wing.

Drew, what is your... What is your handle?

AMBER: Just think of one, anything random, celebrity or something.

What is it?

I don`t know, guys.

SARAH: All right.

It`s not that hard. Well, somebody is not part of the mission.

Just choose a celeb.

Fine, then, you`re going to be Captain Kangaroo.

AMBER: Captain Kangaroo! No say.

Nora, what should we do today? Huh? We did all of our chores.

We could have a little girl day ifyou want.

We can do our toes. We can do a pedicure.

This sucks! This is totally unfair.

Well, you shouldn`t have said what you said.

You could have given me a different punishment.

You shouldn`t have said what you said, okay?

You are so mean!

You are the meanest woman in the world.

I cannot believe how mean you are.

Stop yelling at me. I wish you weren`t my mother.

I`m never talking to you again!

Good! Let`s start right now.

You`re talking to me, right? Hi, goo-goo, gaga.

CAMlLLE: Well, I just hope that you don`t let this ruin the trip for you.

Well, it just seemed like such a mean thing to do.

I don`t know.

Well, you know, l`ve heard you say any number of times

that they need to set boundaries with Max.

Yeah, but not on my time.

Gosh, all I wanted was for the whole Braverman clan to be there

and for my mom to meet them, and...

Yeah. I know. Everybody to be together. That`s all.

Yeah, I just don`t want to see you disappointed again.

I mean, every time that you have anything at all to do with your mother...

Okay, okay, okay. ...you wind up disappointed and I have to talk you down.

Don`t psychoanalyze me, please. All right?

ADAM: You know something about Grandma Blanche?

Terrible cook.

Awful. Wow.

I mean, she`d make this lasagna that, I mean, this stuff was god-awful,

and we would have to eat that for days, the leftovers.

But we`d go and we`d sneak other food, you know? Giant bowls of cereal...

Oh, yeah? The lasagna was bad?

Days and days.

Yeah, it was real bad.

(CELL PHONE CHlMES)

She did not like your dad. And not for the obvious reasons.

Not because she thought he was high or anything.

He had these jeans she didn`t like. They had holes in them

and she thought that was disrespectful to show up to her house...

Oh, no. She`s not going to like me.

Oh, you`re right.

(LAUGHS)

I can`t believe Dad wrangled us into going to see Grandma.

You know she used to cut my hair every time I visited her?

Give me these terrible haircuts. She`s pure evil.

She is not... Sounds evil.

Grandma Blanche is not evil.

You know what? Every time I won a spelling bee, she would give me five bucks.

Oh. Really sweet.

So as long as you`re capable of winning

a spelling bee, she will love you.

Yeah, that`s not evil at all. Right, Joel?

Uh, I don`t know her, so...

ADAM: Okay, so who wants to order a couple of Monte Cristos just to taste?

SARAH: You get it.

Yeah, if you want a heart attack in a bottle.

(ALL CHATTERlNG)

SARAH: Well, just try to be less excited. CROSBY: Nah.

JOEL: What`s a Philly cheeseburger?

What about a pasta salad?

SARAH: Live a little.

How about fruit salad?

Hold it. Just a little... Hold it!

Just one second, I mean, come on. I gave you menus.

Everybody should know what they want. Let`s order.

Well, Dad, we don`t know what everybody else is getting, so how are we...

Dad, we`re just trying to figure out what we`re going to eat.

Who got the strawberry limeades?

Okay, well I tell you what, somebody order me a turkey burger.

I`m going to go to the bathroom.

You got it. Do you want salad or fries?

Salad. Salad.

I`m going to have a Rueben.

I`m going to have extra slaw and extra dressing. Is that possible?

You bet. And the gentleman who just left

is going to have a turkey burger.

Can you do me a favor and keep your eye on the chair in the truck, please?

You want me to stare at the chair for a while?

I don`t want you to stare at it.

I want you to just make sure nobody steals the damn chair. All right?

God, l`m just asking you to do me a favor. Can you do that?

I won`t take my eyes off it.

Yeah, thanks.

Well, he is in a lovely mood.

You know, Sonny? I`ve got to tell you something.

I`m having a hard time with your whole family not being here.

Oh, God, Dad, do you mind? I`m a little busy back here.

No, I understand you got your hands full with Max and everything.

My gosh, I respect that,

but did you have to throw the gauntlet down just

before our big family trip, for Pete`s sake?

Okay, Dad, you know what?

It`s done, so let`s just drop it, okay?

Well, tell me something, Adam, did the baby do anything,

because how come the baby can`t be here?

Dad, please, just let it go.

Well, why don`t you call up Kristina on the phone

and just tell her? Put your foot down.

Oh, that`s just perfect. Huh?

Just put your foot down, Adam.

Because it`s not 1950, Dad. I don`t put my foot down with Kristina.

Well, you should be putting your foot down.

Would you just stop

and give me a break, okay? This is my family.

I am happy to be here for you, and I am sorry if you`re disappointed,

but Kristina had to make a tough decision with Max

and we`re going to stick with it, all right? Settle down.

I`m settled.

CAMlLLE: Come on. He`ll be fine.

He`ll be fine once we get to his mom`s, you know?

It`s just now, he`s got...

CROSBY: I don`t know, did he get a testosterone shot or something?

Is he worried about her because she fell?

No, it`s his whole thing with his mom.

You know, he didn`t have the kind of parents that you kids had.

CROSBY: Smoking hot? SARAH: What, good-looking?

JULlA: What kind is that? Smoking hot parents?

No, supportive. When he was a young man, he had a lot of dreams.

There were things he wanted to do and be.

SARAH: Like what?

Like being an actor.

And you know what she said to him when he told her he wanted to be an actor?

What?

She said, ``And what makes you think you`re so special?``

And he was special. And he is special,

but he still hears her voice in his head, even now, you know?

I think, in some ways, he still is seeking her approval.

Who`s approval?

The waitress`.

It`s about the extra slaw.

You`re talking about my mom. ADAM: Dad, it`s no big deal.

We`re just talking about how maybe you shouldn`t worry so much

about what Grandma thinks, that`s all.

Yeah, we don`t worry about what you two think, and look at us.

We`re all smashing successes.

(SARAH LAUGHS)

Besides, Grandma, she`s a little bit bonkers. Okay.

You shouldn`t let her opinion inform you about anything.

ZEEK: Bonkers? I mean, she`s your grandmother.

How about a little respect here, Crosby? Just a little bit.

I was trying to be nice about it.

ZEEK: Well, just tone it down a bit.

It`s cute. It`s like a sitcom.

Jiminy Christmas.

SARAH: Bonkers Grandma.

Where the hell`s the chair?

ADAM: Oh, my God!

Oh, come on! Is this a joke?

Are you kidding me? Well, where the hell`s the chair?

I told you to keep your eyes on it, and it`s gone!

I looked at my menu and it was gone!

Well, look, they couldn`t have gotten far. It`s a 600-pound recliner!

I can`t believe she`s making me drive the rest of the way.

It just doesn`t seem fair somehow.

At least you didn`t have to see her having sex with Mr. Cyr.

Yeah. You`re not serious?

Absolutely. Yes. I`m dead serious.

Oh, my God. No.

I went to get a CD from the guesthouse,

and walked in on... No. (GASPS)

Yeah. Ew!

Now I can`t even hardly make eye contact.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

That`s why you`re mad and angry this whole trip. And she`s coming,

so, enough talking about it.

Oh, my God, Grandpa is losing it!

Hey, can I move this? A bit, yeah. Oh, wow. Okay.

Thank you. My back is killing me.

(SlGHS) Let`s go!

Okay.

900 bucks, right out the window, huh?

Now what am I going to give my mom?

Happy 86th birthday, Ma!

Here`s some fuzzy dice.

Huh?

How about a baseball cap or a switchblade? How about that?

Or one of those great little cigarette lighters that have the eagle on them?

(CELL PHONE CHlMlNG)

Hi.

(SARAH LAUGHlNG)

No, l`m in the car with the kids.

(CLEARS THROAT) Hi. Mark says hi.

They say hi back.

What? No.

I am familiar with that position in the... In the Congress.

I... Uh...

(GlGGLlNG) Stop! I`m going to talk to you later.

Okay, bye.

(TOYS RATTLlNG)

Hmm.

I cleaned my room.

It looks amazing. You did a really good job.

Can we go on the trip now?

No, buddy, l`m sorry. We can`t.

Dad, let me get $10.

For what?

For this 70`s CD over there. It looks funny and weird.

We can listen to it in the car.

Oh, yeah, sure. Let me give you some money

so you can do something else besides talk to me on this trip.

Uh, is something wrong?

You know, if I have to explain it to you, it`s not worth talking about.

How much do you want? (SCOFFlNG)

Okay, I don`t know. It sounds kind of childish. I don`t know...

Well, it quite possibly is childish, Haddie.

I`m sure it`s not nearly as adult or as engrossing

as texting your friend Caroline for hours

or listening to Taylor Swift for the fourteen hundredth time.

Okay. Here.

Whoa, are you... Is this a serious fight?

I`m serious. I thought it`d be nice to talk to you.

You haven`t said two words to me this entire trip.

Yeah, I have. No, you haven`t.

What are you... Oh, my God. Not about anything important or real, you know?

You want to be having serious, heavy conversations? I`m just trying to have fun.

I`m just trying to have fun, too.

I thought it would be fun to talk to my daughter

six months before she goes away to college, but I guess I was wrong.

Here`s 20. Oh.

Knock yourself out.

Thanks for the guilt trip.

I like this one, but I like the other one better.

All right, yellow one it is.

All right.

I think she`ll like it.

Honey, do you think my mom would like this?

I think it would look really pretty on her.

Yeah. Okay.

Look at this. What is this for right here?

No, don`t touch that. I don`t know.

Do you like our hats? Look, I got us matching hats.

SARAH: Oh, how cute!

Doesn`t seem to have cheered him up very much.

What`s wrong with him?

Well, you know.

I don`t know.

What?

He walked in on you and Mr. Cyr

having a private meeting.

In the guesthouse. What?

An intimate union of bodies.

Oh, shut up. Oh, no!

No, no. Mmm-hmm.

Not this morning. Yes. This morning.

No, no. Oh, no. It`s horrible.

It`s the worst thing ever.

No, you don`t understand. It`s so terrible for even me to think about.

Even for me! And l`m, like, enlightened. And it`s horrible.

Please! What do I do? He`s really upset.

I don`t know. I don`t know how to fix this.

This is a serious issue. I don`t know what you`re going to do.

I made dinner.

Wow.

It looks really good, Max.

Really delicious.

ZEEK: I got to tell you something.

I don`t think I`m feeling very good. I mean...

Why don`t you go lie down?

I don`t want to lie down.

I mean, I still got to call my mother and tell her that half the family isn`t coming.

Why are you harping on this? Oh, my God.

Dad, let it go!

Okay? Let it go.

No, I gotta tell you something, Adam. This is from the heart.

I mean, I ask so little of you, Son. And...

Dad! I ask so little of all of you.

So little? Really? Are you joking?

So little of any ofyou.

Okay, let`s talk about something else.

Dad, you got us piled into these cars like sharecroppers,

traipsing all around the state,

and we`re doing that for you and you`re mad.

This is insane. The only thing I asked you to do is

just go up and visit my mother on her 86th birthday.

CROSBY: What the hell do you think we`re doing?

And suddenly you think it`s a war crime or something like that.

Dad, it`s not a war crime, it`s just that it was kind of out of the blue,

not a whole lot of notice, and so we all worked really hard to...

ZEEK: Oh, I see...

All of a sudden, it`s like you guys are doing me this giant favor?

Sweetie, that`s not what she said.

No, that is what she said! Now, I got to tell you something.

You know, really, you guys, you really just...

You suck!

I`m going to go to bed.

Mom.

CROSBY: You don`t need to turn this so much.

Just hold it straight, and wait when you turn...

CLERK: He checked out a while ago, maybe, like, before eight.

Truck`s not there. They checked out.

Thanks, Joel. Did he say where he was going?

I don`t usually ask people where they`re going when they check out.

Neither of them are answering their cell phones.

SYDNEY: How do I do this? CROSBY: You got it.

(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG) No, don`t answer that!

Really? Yeah, really, really.

Oh, come on.

No, I don`t want them coming along on this trip anymore.

Heck with it.

I don`t want them thinking that I made them do it.

I mean, that`s not what this was supposed to be about, Camille.

God, let them learn a lesson, for crying out loud.

JULlA: Really, it`s so typical of Dad.

It`s so manipulative, the whole thing.

I don`t like being told I suck. I know that for sure.

And now we`re supposed to feel guilty.

Yeah.

Well, I don`t feel guilty.

JULlA: No, I don`t feel guilty.

ADAM: I just feel annoyed.

I feel guilty about the chair. I really blew that.

Well, that you should feel guilty about. Yeah, you should.

He did ask me to watch it. JULlA: All right, well, let`s

just do what we`re supposed to do.

Let`s put our tails between our legs and get up there and apologize.

That`s exactly what he wants us to do! JULlA: Well...

We didn`t do anything! What do we have to apologize for?

We shouldn`t have to feel bad.

I know, but...

I left half my family behind so I could do this for him.

Where`s the appreciation?

You`re not going to get appreciation.

We`re never going to get appreciation. From that man, no.

And that`s why we shouldn`t go along and give in to this stunt.

It`s like saying ``you win.``

Well, what about Grandma?

SARAH: Personally, she doesn`t approve of me.

I know that because she said to Dad, ``l don`t approve of Sarah.``

And then he told me, so...

I say we don`t follow him.

Let`s go home. That`s good.

SARAH: I like it. Let`s stop at that split PMs on the way.

CROSBY: Come on, buddy, we`re going home.

Hi, bug.

You hungry? No.

Do you want me to help you unpack your bag?

Oh, careful. Careful, careful.

So, buddy, what kind of a lesson did we learn from all of this?

I can`t call you names.

Right. Ever. Ever.

Especially that name. It`s not a nice name.

What is this, buddy?

It was for Mama Blanche.

The last time I saw her, she said she liked bugs and things like that, so...

How do you fold a shirt?

(MUSlC PLAYlNG)

I`m sorry that I wasn`t paying attention to you.

It`s all right. I was tired. I overreacted. It`s okay.

I just also was thinking that

I`m just so used to being able to hang out with you

whenever.

I don`t think about not seeing you,

Iike, when l`m going to school, how that`s going to change,

because it`s scary to think that l`m going to be like an adult.

You have to take things seriously, and it`s scary, right?

You`re just my dad.

I`m so used to having you around.

So I just want you to know that I am having fun with you.

Well, I want you to know that I think you are an amazing young woman.

I do. It`s true.

This is how you feel about your parents, right?

JULlA: Oh. SARAH: Oh, God.

What is happening?

I`m feeling guilty.

Oh, God. Yes.

Okay. You? Yeah, I feel pretty lousy.

I mean, big guilt, so... Yeah.

Is it wrong that I don`t feel anything at all?

Come on. Let`s boogie.

CROSBY: You might not be human. Let`s do it.

SARAH: Let`s get a speeding ticket again.

Why isn`t she answering the door?

Maybe she can`t hear it?

She can hear. I mean, her ears are just fine. It`s her hips, you know,

could be sold for parts, but she can hear good.

Mom? You think something happened?

Maybe there`s a window open.

Mom! Are you okay?

Mom! Hey.

All right, this is... Mom! I`m coming in!

Mom?

Mom? Hey!

Mom?

Mom?

Hey! Hello?

She`s not here.

No, today`s Tuesday, right?

``Bridge club, 1:30.``

Huh? She has bridge club.

She scheduled a bridge game the day we arrived?

I mean, we drive hundreds of miles, we go through hell to get here,

and she scheduled a bridge game? I mean, that damn woman...

Well, l`m sure it`s every Tuesday at 1:30. She`s old.

So am l, damn it! I mean, come on!

It`s just... You know what? I`m through with this. I`m done.

Finished. I`m out of here. I am so finished!

She knows we`re coming, then why in the hell...

KRlSTlNA: Surprise!

BOTH: We`re here!

Where`s Mama Blanche? I have a present for her.

KRlSTlNA: Whoa! Max!

We flew down to surprise everybody, so I thought it would be...

You deserve a medal, flying with a 3-month-old.

Thank you. I had a beer on the plane, so that helped a little bit.

Where`d everybody go? What happened?

You want to know what happened? Yeah.

I`ll tell you what happened.

Okay. Come here.

Well, um,

Kristina, the deal is...

(SlGHlNG)

I look at my life and l`m thinking, ``What really matters?``

I mean, you`ve got the memories and all that and yeah, that`s great,

but the whole purpose is family. I mean,

that`s really what l wanted it to be about,

and I wanted the kids to come with me to visit my mom

and they were kind of reluctant, so I got angry.

I got mad at them and just completely drove them away

and pretty much just screwed...

I just pretty much screwed the whole thing up. That`s the bottom line.

Zeek, come on.

Are you kidding?

You`re kidding. You didn`t screw anything up.

I mean, I can say this because,

well, you know,

coming from a family that`s really lacking in...

You should be very proud of yourself and this family.

You and Camille have created this

wonderful and weird and crazy...

Great family.

And l`m so lucky to be a part of it. I can`t tell you.

You know, you`ve always treated me like a daughter

and you`ve always been there for me,

and I want to thank you for that.

So, thanks.

You`re a good dad. Really?

And a good man. Mmm-hmm.

Thanks.

(HORN HONKlNG)

Hi! Ma!

KRlSTlNA: l`m going to get Camille.

Zeek! Hi!

Let me help you. I`m okay.

Are you sure? Yeah.

Hey, Ma. How are you?

KRlSTlNA: Look who`s here. CAMlLLE: Look!

Look, Millie.

Oh, Mom! You look wonderful.

Camille, you look lovely.

Thank you. Happy, happy birthday.

Happy Birthday. Thank you.

What happened? I mean, what did you do, forget we were coming?

No. I knew you wouldn`t be here until now.

The traffic`s a bitch in the afternoon.

(HORN HONKlNG)

See? Oh, my gosh, look.

Sweetie, can you get the gift out of the trunk? Grandma! Hey!

Oh!

Sorry l`m late. Honey!

Surprise!

Happy Birthday! Had to say that again.

So nice to see you. We had to stop for the kids and it was just crazy.

Hi, Honey! I`m sorry... Honey, what are you doing here?

Max was being so good. I`m so glad you`re here.

Happy birthday! Thank you.

While you`re happy to see me, I spent $500 on plane fare.

Thank you, l`m so glad you did. You`re welcome.

JULlA: Come meet everybody. Okay. Okay...

We`ve got a whole crew down here.

You just lost a tooth!

See? They all showed up.

They all wanted to be with you.

(ALL CHATTERlNG)

Sorry for everything, Pop.

You`re a good kid, Adam.

You remember Sydney? She`s grown a lot!

Do you remember your grandma Blanche?

BLANCHE: Goodness, this is something.

I`m so glad you like it.

This is beautiful! Julia, thank you.

That`s so useful.

Wonderful!

Grams? Yes?

That`s from me.

Okay.

What is this?

What you`re looking at there is an egg cooker for poached eggs,

and it`s got a timer on there so that your eggs won`t be runny.

BLANCHE: Oh!

I haven`t eaten eggs in years.

That will be interesting. Yeah.

SARAH: She doesn`t eat eggs, Crosby.

Do mine next! Open it.

Okay. Open it?

BLANCHE: Okay, okay.

BLANCHE: This is so exciting.

It`s a snow globe.

JABBAR: Yay! I love snow globes!

I love that one. That was the best one in the store.

BLANCHE: Snow!

JABBAR: I picked that out.

BLANCHE: Oh! Thank you.

SARAH: Hey, can you come out to the car with me?

I need some help carrying something.

BLANCHE: lt`s super. SYDNEY: I remember when we got that.

It`s just, you know, it`s a really heavy thing.

I don`t really have anything for you to carry.

I just want to talk this out with you.

I`m sorry you saw whatever it was.

No, don`t!

I know, I don`t want to bother you about it.

But I feel like we can`t even talk normally.

I remember in junior high, I saw my teacher buying a fifth of vodka,

and I thought that was bad.

And this is much, much worse. Yeah, of course.

You didn`t see teacher having sex with Mom, okay?

It`s different and bad.

Look, Drew, people are just people, okay?

I`m a person, you`re a person.

And some of the people things that I do,

you`ll think about someday or something, and...

Yes.

I know l`m your mom, but l`m also a person.

It`s just, like, moms don`t have sex, and...

I know.

On the other hand, here you are.

Yes, l`m aware, l`m aware. So, yeah.

I guess maybe you need more time.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah.

(SlGHS) Well, can you...

Can we at least try to enjoy the rest of the trip, and...

Yeah. Should we just go back in?

Can I give you a hug?

Too soon? Listen, tomorrow it will be better.

Yeah.

Thank you for having this conversation.

That`s not a good handshake. It`s very limp.

Yeah.

KRlSTlNA: No more sugar. You`re going to get pinworms. Hey!

You`re going to drop it. Max, stop it, okay?

Go play with your cousins, please.

It`s gritty.

JULlA: So how have you been, Grandma Blanche?

Oh. Just fine. Yeah?

Yeah, l`m very independent. Don`t need much fussing over.

Of course, it would be nice to see certain people a little more often.

We`re here now, Mom.

Yeah.

But did you enjoy your party and your awesome gifts?

BLANCHE: Oh, yes, they were great.

Of course, Zeek forgot and had to pick me up

a hat at the tourist stop on the way here.

He was always forgetful, a bit of a wanderer.

Maybe that`s why he never stayed in one business for very long,

always moving from place to place.

You know, he`s here, Grandma. He can hear you.

It`s okay, Son, give it a rest. It`s not worth it.

You know, he bought you a really nice recliner for your birthday

and he went through a lot of trouble

to put it in the back of his truck and rope it down,

and then I was supposed to watch over it, and it was stolen,

and it`s my fault, not his.

(DOOR OPENlNG)

What`s wrong?

It`s nothing, Mom.

Crosby told me about the chair. Don`t worry about it.

What am I going to do with a big recliner anyway?

It`s not the chair.

What is it, then?

You know what I told my kids every day of their lives?

I mean, all four of them,

whether I was angry or frustrated or sad or whatever.

You know what I told them every day?

``l love you.``

I wanted it to be clear to them.

That`s why I told them.

And then you hurt your hip

and suddenly, I thought, ``Jeez, I got to get those kids up there.``

(SlGHS)

Ma, they are the best thing that I have done.

That`s my life.

And I wanted you to see that.

They are beautiful.

Thank you.

(SlGHS)

I love you, Zeek.

Of course I do. You`re my baby.