Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

FOOTSTEPS

MUSIC: Please Don't Go by KWS

♪ Please don't go

♪ Please don't go Babe, I love you so

♪ And I want you to know

♪ That I'm gonna miss your love

♪ The minute you walk out that door

♪ Please don't go

♪ Please don't go Babe, I love you so

♪ And I want you to know

♪ That I'm gonna miss your love

♪ The minute you walk out that door

♪ Please don't go

♪ Don't go

♪ Don't go away

♪ Please don't go

♪ Don't go

♪ I'm begging you to stay

♪ If you leave

♪ At least in my lifetime

♪ I've had one dream come true

♪ I was blessed

♪ To be loved

♪ By someone as wonderful as you

♪ Please don't go

♪ Don't go

♪ Don't go away

♪ Please don't go

♪ Don't go... ♪

GRINDR MESSAGE ALERT

GRINDR MESSAGE ALERT

GRINDR MESSAGE ALERT

GRINDR MESSAGE ALERT

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

IN GERMAN: Hey, excuse me! Have you seen my wallet somewhere?

IN GERMAN: Sorry!

IN GERMAN: Hi, have you found a wallet?

IN GERMAN: Really?

IN GERMAN: It’s a black leather wallet.

HE MUTTERS

IN GERMAN: Johannes Müller, yes. My wallet got stolen.

IN GERMAN: I’d like to block my credit card.

IN GERMAN: Yes, ok.

IN GERMAN: The IBAN?

Erm...

IN GERMAN: The number?

What was that?

Er, just, I have to...

I have to block my cards, um...

..because my wallet got stolen.

I don't know. Just a fucker,

you know, stole...

I'm sure you just lost it - it's fine. It's gone.

Yeah, sure. How do you know that, that I lost it?

Oh, fuck, man, I don't know. You think I'm stupid and rich?

No, I think you're clever and poor.

I cannot believe it, man.

It's the second time this summer I lost my wallet.

Same procedure, all over again.

GRINDR MESSAGE ALERT

Oh.

- Oh, holy shit. - What?

I've been in this club for, like, two days.

- Classy! - I'm leaving Berlin tonight.

I haven't seen any of the city

and I need to print my fucking boarding pass.

Yeah.

I can show you around if you like.

Really? You don't... You don't have to.

Yeah, I think I would be a fool if I wouldn't.

BUZZING

MUSIC: Ode To Joy by Beethoven

THEY HUM ALONG

MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH

Oh, OK.

- So, list game. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Let's go for it.

Erm...

Dixis or actual toilets?

What?

I saw a Dixi over there. I don't know.

- Er, anal or oral? - You didn't answer my question,

- so I will not answer yours. - Answer my question.

What was your question? I didn't hear.

OK, so, hummus or peanut butter?

Hummus. Anal or oral?

You said that before. You asked...

You didn't answer it.

You don't ask the question twice, so I am.

Minus point for you.

Oh, wow!

So, sunrise or sunset?

Er...

Sunset. Having a blow job

or getting a blow job? Sorry.

Giving a blow job or having a blow job given to you?

I can't... I can't hear you.

Er...

- That's a hard one. - Is it?

Ha-ha! No pun intended.

BOTH CHUCKLE

Ah, let's say both. So, um...

Are you getting hard?

I am getting slightly hard, yeah. Do you wanna...

- Oh, fuck. - ..sit back a little?

No, no. I will crash into a tree if you touch me.

OK. Top or bottom?

Er...

Oh, we have green light. Let's go.

Hello.

- IN GERMAN: May I have a computer, please? - IN GERMAN: Hi! Yes. Number ten.

IN GERMAN: Thanks!

I fucking love these places. They're so '90s.

- Yeah? - I remember, like,

the first cyber internet cafe in Nottingham

and I used to have all these international cyber boyfriends

and we used to talk to each other

in a disgustingly dirty way.

Oh-ho! So, you jerked off in public on Windows 95 or what?

Who do you think I am?

It was Windows 97.

Oh. It's Harry Munro.

Mm.

Well, hello, nice to meet you,

Mr Harry Munro. I'm your biggest fan.

- Nice to meet you. - Can I have an autograph?

No, you can't. It's nice to meet you too, though, Mr...

Wait. Let me... Let me guess.

Daniel?

Callum?

No, no, I've got it.

Adolf.

HE MOUTHS

Yes, please.

It's Johannes.

Nice to meet you, Mr Johannes.

OK, so, my flight is at 11pm...

- Mm. - ..from Sho-nen-field.

Sch nefeld.

From Sho-ne...

Sch nefeld.

Sch nefell?

Sch nefeld.

- I really couldn't give a shit. - Oh, OK.

My flight's at 11pm from Sch nefeld.

Sch nefeld.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

I've got, like, a million e-mails from work.

Oh.

I'm not gonna bother with that now.

Let me just check one thing.

Oh, football. Are you fucking kidding me?

Oh, fuck, yes, we beat the bastards!

Don't you like sport?

Yes, but not football.

I like elegant sport -

- for example, gymnastics. - Mm-hm.

- Synchronised swimming or... - Mm-hm.

I'll show you something. This is insane.

- You know about diving? - Mm.

And the bodies of these athletes

are, like, from another planet.

Look at this.

TRIUMPHAL MUSIC PLAYS

- That's amazing. - Mm.

JOHANNES: Shame it was Nazi propaganda, though.

Wait - why don't you like football?

Oh, you know, 11 idiots running after a ball and both teams,

too, are waiting for them

and you need to put a ball into a square.

Like, I think there are

more interesting things in the world.

OK, Mr Black-And-White Films.

Don't tell me it wasn't beautiful.

- It was beautiful. - I saw you cry.

I didn't cry. But it was beautiful.

It was the reflection in your glasses.

OK, shut up.

OK, what we doing now? We've got 17 minutes left.

Hmm...

Let's make a photo and send it

out in the universe of the internet.

- Boring! - OK.

Why don't we do a Chatroulette instead? That sounds great.

Chatroulette - what's that? This website with, um,

people in front of camera, like, I don't know,

- practising fisting... - Mm-hm.

- ..and gangbang and stuff? - Yeah, exactly.

- OK. - What we should be doing.

- Oh, shit. - What?

This does not have a computer camera - that's so annoying.

- Oh, no. - I should've known that in 1990

Well, thank you, Berlin.

- Wait. - Sorry.

I have an idea.

- Yeah, just... - What?

Take your face and move it like this.

Hey, be careful.

Yeah, no, it's...

- Don't move. That's perfect. - OK.

Hmm?

Oh, just Paint still exist?

It does indeed.

Oh, wow!

So gorgeous.

Oh, you little bastard. I look like a football...

- I'm just drawing what I see. - ..with Dumbo ears.

Fuck you. Now it's my turn.

- Turn and face... - OK.

See how Picasso is drawing this.

Picasso.

I like it.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, that's not even funny.

That's not even funny.

Let's give it a blue background.

Yes.

- Print. - Mm.

So...?

So?

Any other amazing ideas?

Mm, I've got a few on my mind.

- So, where next? - We've got the tickets.

Yes.

Erm...

What?

Did... Did I not put my bike here?

Fuck!

Oh, shit.

- Erm... - Erm... OK.

Sorry.

OK, we have to go to

- the police straightaway. - We can't.

We're too high to go to the police. Don't be stupid.

[Harry tries to read in German.]

- Oh! - Sh!

JOHANNES CHUCKLES

JOHANNES MOUTHS

The German language is so sexy.

Can you just speak to me in German continuously?

- Can you, please? - I forgot all my language.

You've forgotten all your language but you know English?

Yeah, but all the German is gone.

It's too much in my head. Too much...

Talk anyway...

IN GERMAN: Car-wash-ma-chi-ne.

Herr Müller?

Hate to watch him go.

Where were you?

Fancied a smoke.

Fair enough.

It wasn't fun anyway, so...

What did they say?

Oh, there were some problems...

..with my lost wallet,

so I couldn't give my personalities and so on.

- I have to come again. - Sorry.

It's fine.

Hmm. Please, let's do something fun.

- Yes! - Drink prosecco?

Yes!

- Can we go back a bit, cos... - OK.

Let me get this straight -

you actually genuinely think that...

That being gay puts you

in a privileged position in society?

Yeah, I think we have both brains develop

and therefore we have another sensibility.

Oh, my gosh! Is that the same sensibility as saying,

oh, the same difference

- between lilac and purple... - Yes.

..or being a master of fashion at birth?

It's just... No, no.

This is just as stupid as saying that

every gay loves Barbra Streisand or Judy Garland

and who the fuck listens to Judy Garland anyway?

Identify split ends in women's hair. Appreciating small boobs.

Or watching Eurovision Song Contest as gay revenge...

- Yeah. - ..for the World Cup.

Yeah, yeah. Cos all gays masturbate

to the fucking Eurovision.

Is there anything more straight than the YMCA dance?

♪ YMCA

♪ It's fun to stay at the... ♪

Wow! This is intense.

Yeah.

You know, there is nothing worse than being

surrounded by businessmen

while you are high or coming down.

No. No, children. Children are worse.

Honestly, it's awful. I...

I feel like a paedophile and at any minute,

someone's gonna call me out on it.

- Do you ever get that? - No. Never.

- No? - No.

But I will rescue you from that.

We are away from there any minute.

Mm. Oh, wow!

This is a side of Berlin that I haven't seen before.

Lots of bankers and fancy hotels -

the new beating heart of neoliberalism

and the capital of Europe.

Do you know, I find it cute.

You find neoliberalism cute?

No, kids.

Oh! Fair enough.

You know, my biggest dream is to become a father.

Your biggest dream is to become a father?

- Yes. - Wow!

You want to bring a kid into this mess of a world

- we live in. - Oh, come on! I mean...

- You think the world is a mess? - Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, we are fucking the world up

and the worst thing is that we think we're doing a lot

by reducing and reusing plastic and it's not even about that.

It's all about the big companies

and the politicians who enable them.

Like, I watched a documentary the other day and it said...

Another documentary - I know.

It was saying that over 70% of the world's greenhouse gases

come from the word's biggest 100 companies.

- Yeah? - We don't need more people.

Yeah, but...

I'm not sharing that thought.

I mean, don't you think, for example,

our child could help the world, being a better place?

Sorry, did I just hear you say "our child"?

Oh! Yeah, ours, mine, yours. I mean...

Oh, hello.

Mm.

You know what I mean.

So, my mother, you know, she...

..raised me with so much effort, energy and love...

..that I think I need to pass that on to somebody, you know?

- That's cute. - Thank you.

So, if he's a he,

we should call him Julian, for Julian Assange.

And if she's a she - and she would definitely be a she -

we should call her...

..Cleopatra.

What?! That's... That's ridiculous.

Maria Cleopatra M ller Munro.

No, no, no, no.

Maria Cleopatra Munro M ller.

Maria Cleopatra Munro/M ller, and here we go.

Yeah. OK, then.

A compromise - I can work with that, I guess.

- Wie geht es dir? - Hi.

IN GERMAN: We are not interested.

One of you guys sounds British - am I right?

- Yeah, I'm from Devon. And you? - Nice. Nottingham.

Nice. And you're living here?

No, I'm just here on a weekend break.

How... How about you guys?

I joined the mission about three months ago

and, er, I'll be... I'll be here for a year.

Yeah.

So, you're making new friends or...?

Yeah, what's wrong with that?

So, what do you do?

We just like to talk to people,

answer their questions and...

Do you think we need help? I don't think so.

We don't need help, to be honest. So...

Hold up, Johannes. I'm... I'm interested.

I guess my question would be...

I don't know - why?

You guys are young and this, kind of, seems like,

sort of old-fashioned. But I get...

If you believe in God, everyone has the right

to their own faith, but...

I don't know. Why study an ageing book

that's full of, like, obnoxious and boring people?

And you must get abuse from the general public as well.

Like, why put yourselves through that?

Yeah, I understand what you're saying but we believe that

the people of this world are suffering from

a lack of faith and religion.

Society is becoming, er, more individualistic.

And...

religion is dying and nothing is there to fill that void.

Yeah, I agree - society's lost something

that holds us together

and often, religion does a lot of good things.

Like, we see it at work all the time.

There are so many people that don't have access

to public health care or services, like asylum seekers.

And it's often religious people or religious organisations

that helps them out, so, yeah, I...

Sounds so cute and interesting, right?

What about eternal damnation? Hmm?

I know... I don't think it will bother you

but do we have a place in paradise left for us?

God loves all his children.

There are many modern interpretations of the Bible.

And we believe there is a place for the both of you in heaven.

Oh, wow! You know what?

I think I'd prefer it in hell, you know?

Kind of warm and sweaty,

a lot of collars and harnesses

and rings around the cocks and...

Really? You're gonna go there now?

- Yeah. Why not? - Oh, no. You do you. It's fine.

Maybe you just want one?

Oh, yeah, they're always perfect for a wrap. Thank you.

- Right. OK. Thank you. - Bye-bye.

Have a lovely day.

- You too. Nice to meet you. - Ciao.

GENTLE PIANO TUNE PLAYS

OK.

You are a Manchego.

As in the cheese?

Mm. Kind of intense and hard.

Looks more like Camembert.

I know. They didn't have a Manchego here but still...

Hmm.

OK. Tell me about that and where we're going with this.

Everybody is a cheese.

Not the cheese you like

but you're kind of human cheese.

There are some people who are

toxic and disgusting in a way.

They're more like blue cheese.

And these super-boring clean boys,

they are more like Babybel.

OK, so, everyone's a cheese?

- Mm-hm. - OK, let's go with that.

And, um, what kind of cheese would you be?

Like, um, Philadelphia - soft and sweet?

No, no, no, no, no. I'm a cheddar.

Yeah, more, like,

easy-going and tender.

OK, you've thought about this for far too long,

far too long. Stop now.

I have two weaknesses -

good food and men, in that order.

The gospel according to Dolly.

Mm. I can't stand all this pretentious rubbish.

You see it everywhere in London.

Like, a pop-up vegan bumhole cum-filled soul-food fusion.

- It's just ridiculous. - Yeah?

- I don't like it. - No.

I think it's cool, you know, to have all these differences -

kind of experimental.

It's pushing the boundaries.

It's bullshit. OK, first of all,

they rip you off and then they hand you something

the size of a Mentos.

A Mentos.

And what's even worse is this, like, celebrity-chef culture.

Every fucking middle-class person in the UK has

a copy of Ottolenghi's cookbook for £20,

and then they spend £50 on the fucking ingredients

that they can't find anywhere else,

like sheep testicles marinated in a bed of babies' tears.

Gold saffron. All this shit that you can never find...

I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm sorry. Rant over.

So, what we gonna do - dine and dash?

When and what?

You've lost your wallet, so I'm guessing

all of this is on me, right?

This is on the city of Berlin.

How is the city of Berlin funding our date?

So, we went through the back yard,

and I've detected some blind spots

where we are invisible for the reception, so...

behave and then everything will be fine.

Hmm - if we behave, everything will be fine.

Isn't that sweet?

Do you take all your one-night stands here

to make them feel special?

No. I try to not come in here more than once a month,

Yeah, and the other thing - I'm not doing it at all.

Yeah, right.

Mm-hm. What the fuck are you doing?

Are you giving me a footsie with your cheap shoes?

Mm.

Oh, hello. Ooh!

- Mm. Mm! - Stop it.

You're ruining my trousers, OK?

It's a dirty business.

And I'll get us a dessert now.

Mm! Sit down. I'll get this one.

THEY CHUCKLE

So, what are you doing?

Hmm? I'm... enjoying a continental breakfast

while stroking the crotch of a cute German boy.

No, no, I mean in ordinary life.

Oh, I'm... I'm a doctor.

Oh, what? No, I don't believe you.

Why not?

I mean, the circumstances we met?

You don't give off the doctor vibe so much.

OK, and what is the doctor vibe?

Fuck! When you were talking about work, work, work, work,

I was imagining you, like, working in a factory or,

I don't know, as a butcher cutting meat in thin slices

with an overall, gloves and a hairnet and things like that.

OK, I guess it's the same sort of uniform, but...

OK, wow!

You know what? I always find this weird.

Whenever I tell someone I'm a doctor, I always get this

same sort of reaction, like I should be proud

that I'm some sort of an elitist.

I should be waving like the Queen.

Like, "Oh, look at me. Hello, hello."

So, what are you doing?

I am a junior doctor working in A and E.

A and E?

It's like... the emergency room.

OK.

So, how many lives did you save recently?

Can we not talk about that? I didn't come to Berlin

to talk about work, work, work.

Sorry.

But... wow! I mean,

you've got your shit together. I mean...

Your parents must be proud.

Mm. They're, um, unhappy, but...

BELL RINGS

..extremely proud.

We should move on.

Oh, shit, all right.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH EARPHONES

THEY CHUCKLE

- So close. - Sorry.

You know, I think this is the first time I've been on a date

without using Grindr or Tinder or anything like that.

I haven't been on any Tinder date, to be honest.

Really? Well, how about Grindr?

Mm. I mean, I downloaded the app for a while

but I got bored of it straightaway. And...

Yeah, I don't know, for me it's like cock shopping.

Decent 24cm XXL top says "hi".

Or Super Sucker, 22, is texting you,

"Hi, wanna come over and suck my dick?"

And...

Is there a more sophisticated way to find sex?

Oh, my God. OK. Firstly,

I don't think that sex has to be sophisticated.

I mean, do you? And moreover, I think you're generally just,

like, clutching at straws. I don't think it's that bad.

I... Like, it's not always like that, you know?

Well, then...

..show me your profile.

OK. Here we go.

- I'm surprised. - Hmm?

The first one's actually quite cool.

Thank you.

OK. Let's continue.

- Topless. Sure. - Mm.

Here we go. Football!

Yes! Sure.

And, wow! The doctor fetish.

- In a lab coat. - Mm-hm.

- OK, how about Grindr? - Mm.

OK, Grindr.

OK, I think it's enough.

Thought it might be too much for you.

This is nothing for me.

- Sorry. - It's all right.

But, you know, it's not that bad, Grindr.

If it wasn't for Grindr, I wouldn't

be able to have sex - simple as.

- That sucks. - Why does it suck?

Because... you don't meet people in a different way? That's...

- It's not... - ..bad.

It's not the how - it's the what.

OK.

You know, with Tinder, you can be more classy and gentle.

Wow!

On average, it takes me five glasses of wine

and I can get drunk and sleep with someone,

whereas with Grindr, it's...

It's kind of the same but with less chat.

You know, honestly, I scare myself sometimes.

I-I go to work and I sleep with a random guy

and it satisfies me for, like, 5, 10, 15 minutes

and then I just...

come and I feel...

..disgusting.

It's like I just wanna chop my dick off, you know?

OK, so, I have an idea.

- Let's play a game. - OK.

The game's about guessing

what profession the people we see have.

- How exciting. - OK.

Yeah? I'll start. Um...

This guy over there. What's his profession?

- What's his profession? - Yeah.

I think he works in genetic mutations.

What is that?

When you, like, modify the DNA of, like...

- ..stuff. - OK.

Genetically modified tomatoes.

What about...

those three over there?

Oh! They're like a family,

like the royal family of Berlin.

- OK. - But...

they had a huge fight, you know?

Like, they're actually not liking each other.

Oh.

And the man slept with the sister.

Oh, wow!

What about those two there?

- Oh, wow. - Mm.

- The kiss is kind of intense. - Yeah.

Bit much, isn't it?

WHISPERING: Wait a minute. Is he fingering her?

There might be a cheeky finger going in there.

- It's kind of gross. - No, it's...

- It's kind of good. - No.

Come on, it's cos they just only met each other

and they're in love. In a few months,

they'll have forgotten each other completely.

Yeah. And then they end up like this couple over there.

Oh, my God!

Barely looking at each other and talking.

- That's so sad. - No! It's cool.

If I end up like that, like, kill me. Like, no, thanks.

No, that's actually...

- Why? It's a victory of love. - Oh, God.

Probably they're not in the...

..start of, I don't know, their relationship or something.

But still, it's like another fire burning, you know?

The silence is sexy.

- Really? - Yeah.

I would rather be them than them.

That just looks so boring. They look just sad.

I'd rather be like those two than those two. It's just...

Well, OK. Well, I find it beautiful, though.

You know, my parents are like that and it's...

You don't have to speak about everything

all the time, you know?

It's only about love for them

and, therefore, this is beautiful.

If you say so.

- OK. - How about you?

Mm.

What do you do?

What do I do?

- Yeah. - I dance.

- Really? - Yes.

And I deliver food by bike, OK?

That's so cool. That you dance, I mean.

- That's really cool. - Thank you.

- Good for you. - Erm... You know, I'm...

My sister was going to dance class when we were younger...

- Mm-hm. - And this is, like,

a memory that is, like, burned into my head like yesterday.

And I remember my mother took me one day, with her,

and when I entered that dancing classroom,

there was, like, this old lady teaching.

And she looked like she...

I don't know, older than my grandma, sort of thing.

But she could move. And when she started dancing...

I don't know - it was just like...

Wow!

She could move in ways

that were so pure and so beautiful, you know?

Since then, I'm obsessed with it.

Like... Oh, that's the thing I want to do.

Mm.

And what kind of dance do you do?

Er... Whoa!

Look at the prosecco.

Er, I do contemporary.

And a bit of physical theatre, though.

I'm totally into Pina Bausch.

You know her? She's amazing. And DV8.

Never heard of it. I don't know why I asked. Sorry.

Ah, you have to watch them.

They have, like, a lot of videos on the internet,

and they are so amazing.

What they express with their bodies...

- Unbelievable. - I kind of wanna see.

- What? - You dance.

- No. - Yeah. Go on.

- No. - Why not?

No way. I'm... No.

Because I'm high and...

And, I don't know, I'm, like...

Well, because of you.

I hate to say it but I don't think we're gonna get

another chance for this, so I think... you should

actually just stand up and dance right now.

Come on. Like, I might never, ever see you.

- I don't do those things. - Come on, you have to dance.

- No, I'm not dancing. - Please. Just do it for...

Live life. Like, "I should have danced that day."

- Leave me alone! - Come on. Just do it.

I know you want to. You can tell you want to.

Show me what you can do.

OK.

OK, correct answer.

Yeah, that's really fit.

I don't think so. I'm not...

No, I don't... That's...

HARRY CLEARS THROAT

PLANE FLIES OVERHEAD

Do you think this is joy?

What?

This feeling.

Pure joy, baby.

You're probably still high.

No. I think I'm coming down, actually,

so I don't think it's...

I don't think it's that.

I'm thinking about this a lot lately, you know?

Like, the difference between joy, pure joy,

and the one you get from drugs.

Like, they feel so similar

but there must be some sort of difference.

You know, can we experience joy by popping a pill?

All right, Socrates. Well...

yeah, why not?

No, no, no. I-I...

don't think it should come that easy, you know?

Things like that are reserved for love.

OK. Erm...

I fall in love as often as I get high.

Really?

Yeah, the bus driver, the cute guy who serves me coffee,

the old lady on my street who only wears reds.

No, that's not what I'm talking about.

OK. Why?

Like, society tells us who we can fall in love with

and how we should fall in love with them,

but we can fall in love with anyone.

Like, why can't we just fall in love with anyone?

- That's... - Be shit.

Yeah, and it kind of works. It be shit.

- It works, it works. - No, no, this is not the love

I'm talking about, you know?

This is... This is love your neighbours,

love your community, love humanity, OK?

This is general love.

I'm talking about love between two persons.

Like, it gets possessive, it gets hard.

It's fucking painful.

You know? You...

You get inspired by a person

so much that he moves, you do things,

that you... That you...

You can't get this person out of your mind.

He's, like, stuck in here and...

in your dreams and you connect that

to everything in your complete life, and you end up, also,

thinking of the possibility that this could last forever.

You know what I mean?

Honestly? I've never experienced that.

Really? You were never in love?

No. Not by your definition, anyway.

I mean, when I was younger, I thought

I was in love with people but from afar, but, like...

I guess when I was in year two, I kissed my best friend.

But usually, I just go on Grindr

and I fuck guys and that's my life.

I work, work, work, eat, fuck,

work, work, work. Eat, fuck, work, work, work,

- and that's fine with me. - Yeah, well...

- It works for me. - ..this is, like, the norm

in gay community, you know?

To be sexually free, to have this instable libido,

but this is not my drive.

You know? I like...

It's not that I'm not enjoying sex, you know?

But I want to fuck the person I love

and I trust, and this brings it to another level, you know?

Then you are...

You're noticing all the things in between.

It's not only about coming -

it's about worshipping each other,

being valued and to not be alone.

No, that's fine and that's good for you but that's probably cos

you grew up in a household with love,

and whose family got along and parents loved each other.

We don't have all that.

I don't think it's about only the parents.

I think it's also tied up to masculinity,

the gay community, you know?

That we are... We prove to each other our virility and...

Then, I don't know, we just want to prove

that we are as much a man as a straight man.

And there I get confused.

I don't think it's an expectation - I just... need it.

- Need what? - Like, fucking for me...

- Well, fucking. - OK. Oh, wow.

It's a release for me. I just...

You know, I've never been in a relationship

or anything like that, but I...

I just can't fuck the same guy more than once, you know?

And it...

It gets to the point where I have to fuck different guys

at different times, as many times as possible.

I think it's also about rejecting the hetero norms.

- Mm. - Like, that's it.

I just can't fuck the guy same...

- The same guy more than once. - Yeah.

OK, here we are, but I have to ask you to put your shoes off.

Of course I can take my shoes off.

And the socks if you want but it's not necessary.

I'll leave my socks on if that's OK.

Yeah, leave them on, you amateur.

Wow! Wow!

Wow!

It has its own dance studio. Check out the floor -

- isn't it amazing? - Is that...?

The ash wood - it wouldn't be... It would be better.

OK.

Erm, I think it's time for...

- What? - You.

- Do what? - I think you should...

I think you should dance for me.

I told you before - I'm not going to do it.

- No? Come on. Please. - No.

- No. - Pretty, pretty please.

- No, no, no, no, no. - Why not?

I didn't ask you to operate me or something, you know?

You don't need an operation.

No. I'm not going to do it.

If you need an operation, I will operate on you happily.

Not on your free time.

OK. OK, OK.

Well...

I'm just going to ask one more time -

will you dance for me, please?

I would really, really like it if you dance for me.

No. JOHANNES CHUCKLES

Fine.

I'll dance for you, then.

Are you sure you want to do that?

Yeah. Yeah, I will. I'm gonna use those Hula Hoops over there

and I'm gonna dance for you, if that's OK.

Feel free.

HARRY CLEARS THROAT

Oh, God, no!

Ah! Ah!

Oh. HARRY CLEARS THROAT

Next.

THEY CHUCKLE

Oh, there we go. We're getting it, getting it.

- Uh-oh. - Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

- Oh, be careful! - Oh!

OK. That was... a surprise.

JOHANNES CHUCKLES

Sh, sh, sh.

Hmm.

Oh, wow! You know, I find this architecture fascinating.

I think it's crazy how something so ugly

can be just so romantic. It's...

I think it's a little more than romantic. It's idealistic.

It is somehow melancholic in its own way, and utopic.

You know, seeing all these trains makes me realise

that I have to go back to work.

Fuck!

Why do you hate your work so much?

I'm fed up, Johannes.

You get to do what you love and that's great,

but maybe you don't make enough money,

or you won't be able to afford your own house until you're 50

at least, or if... ever.

Thank you for that.

It's not about that. The most important things in life is...

to be able to do whatever you want or to...

To be with who you want to be. Like...

Like this now.

So, why, then, don't you do whatever you want?

I don't know what I want to fucking do.

I don't know what I want to do tomorrow. Like,

you won't believe the amount of times I said that I will

go into work and quit my job and blah, blah, blah. Like,

in January I said that I would become a person who helps

inmates get back into society.

And then I decided I'd make cheese.

Cos who doesn't love cheese? I could make Cheddar cheese,

Halloumi cheese. All kinds of cheese. And then...

I said to myself I would become a cleft-palate surgeon and help

children who are born with cleft palates get rid of them.

HORN HONKS

- And then... - Wow!

Bloody hell! Germany!

And then I said to myself I would

become a tree surgeon, you know?

Because I watched a documentary about tree surgery

and those people are great and they help trees

and it's just so exciting. And then, do you know what?

All these people who can't get abortions in the world

who want to have abortions. I thought I'd become, like,

someone who can stand up for them and help them and then...

Wh-What's so funny?

I'm sorry - it's just... you sound so neurotic.

Come on - with cheese and trees...

I just... Ever since I learned about the world,

I've wanted to change the world, but what do I do?

I just come to Berlin for three days to get high on 2CB.

2C-what? I mean, feeling guilty will not help you or the world.

2CB is just like M but a bit more trippy.

How did you do it? How did you find your passion and be happy?

To be honest, I'm not...

Not really completely happy with what I'm doing.

I think nobody is, but, yeah, I think... Yeah, I don't know,

we all search for the state of happiness

but we can actually not find it. It's probably unreal.

But you know what the problem is?

It's actually...

Maybe you will never find what makes you happy.

Or maybe you will never find someone

who will tell you what happiness is.

But I think this is OK. You know?

What I'm trying is...

I know what I have to do tomorrow

and I try to enjoy that as much as possible.

My God, you are literally so inspiring.

Like, I'd love to be able to walk into work tomorrow

and just say "bye" to everyone.

Just be like, "I'm going. I'm gone."

But, like, do it in, like, a big massive, like, musical,

kind of Bollywood-fashion way, you know, with all the songs

- and dances and, like, "Ah!" - Yeah.

That would be absolutely great.

I can picture that 100%, to be honest.

You know, and...

And then what?

What do you mean?

Like...

Look at you and me.

Harry... I have a boyfriend.

Oh.

Hm.

- What are you doing? - Come on.

- No. - Come on.

What is...? No.

- Come on. We're taking a photo. - No, please!

I've decided we're doing this, so we're doing this.

Just get in.

- How much is it? Two euros? - For real?

- Are you sure? - Yes, I'm sure.

I've got...

So, I have a boyfriend, it's true.

- That's all right. - But you know what?

This is true too.

It's fine.

OK.

Does, erm...

Does he know that you're doing this?

No.

But we have an open relationship, so...

Oh, how's that going for you?

Lots of chemsex and threesomes?

Are you sure you are all right?

Yes. I'm sure I'm all right. Why wouldn't I be all right?

Do I look fine to you? Do I look upset to you?

I'm completely fine. I don't give a shit.

I don't care if you are married

and have one of those little shitty dogs

and like to take them on walks in parks

and play happy fucking families.

I don't... I don't care. Why would I care?

Why did you tell me this after spending ten hours with me?

Did you feel sorry for me

because I said that I wanted to chop my dick off

- or something like that? - No. No. It's not that.

I... I just didn't find the right moment. I'm sorry.

Great.

Fucking great.

And how is he?

- He's OK. - He's OK.

Isn't that great?

Well, if that's love, then I don't want

anything to do with that, thank you very much.

Let's say the relationship is more open to him than for me.

What does that mean?

That means he wanted an open relationship.

- Mm. - As you were saying before,

because he needs to fuck around all the time.

And...

I'm cool with it as long as he loves me.

But I... I don't need to fuck around.

OK, so you're happy with him being able to fuck

anyone he wants to and still loving you,

while you don't get to fuck anyone else and you love him?

Why don't you just fuck more people?

Because I'm OK fucking just him.

Really? How about the other way round?

Are you happy with that? That he gets to fuck random people?

I accept his rules, OK? I need to trust him.

Oh, wow! You accept his rules, you need to trust him?

I'm not the best person about knowing about relationships

but I know trust doesn't work like that.

You trust because you just trust, not because you need to.

Like, way, way back in the day, when we were

living in caves, still, everyone was polyamorous.

Everyone just fucked around with everyone

and that was just the way that it was.

The only reason why it stopped is because of STDs on the rise,

killing people off. So, if you look at it, back in the past,

our basic function was just to...

To fuck everyone, just like most animals.

Yeah, and this is bullshit, you know?

OK, I agree with you that we are polyamorous by nature.

But it's not about health.

We live in a monogamous world, OK, because of religion.

Religion claimed the traditional family.

- Religion? - Yes, religion.

OK, what about Muslims and Mormons?

Yeah, OK, bullshit right again there.

- OK, so... - OK, one man fucks ten women.

Tell me - did these women choose polygamous conditions?

And, anyway, I understand our nature.

But I cannot accept it. You know why?

Because I was raised in a fucking traditional family.

- Mm. - Yeah, where happiness

means two people together. So simple as that.

And then I have all my friends, you know? Sexually free.

Having free sex, all of that shit.

And there am I, here, feeling different.

- And then I have Klaus, OK? - Klaus?

- Klaus is my boyfriend. - Oh, great.

And he wants an open relationship,

so why not have it?

You know, I'm gay, so I should, right?

Because it's super-cool to have an open relationship, it's...

Everybody has it.

So if I'm not doing this, I am the fucking weirdo.

And this is... And then... I don't know.

I don't know why I'm lying to myself.

If you don't want to do it, then just don't do it.

Yeah, why don't you just cut off your dick

with a knife, then? It's so easy, right?

Call me stupid but I didn't expect this.

I'm sorry - I just started to believe it, you know?

Fucking fool.

So did I.

I have an idea.

PLANE FLIES OVERHEAD

Hmm.

So... what do you want from life?

Ooh.

That's a deep question.

Really... goes far down.

Can still jump, you know.

I don't know. I guess...

I guess I want to be able to see my family

and know that it's not the last time I'm gonna see them.

I wanna be able to sit with the worst posture in the world

and... not have to worry about my back in 30 years.

I guess I also wanna be able to, like,

spend money without worrying about running out.

To always be in the plus and not have to worry

about rent or anything like that.

BELL RINGS

Fuck! What's that?

Calm down. It's just... my alarm clock.

Fuck, it's... Why is it so fucking loud?

JOHANNES GIGGLES

What is this?!

What's wrong with this? It's so I don't miss my flights.

Yeah, I mean, we have phones nowadays.

Yeah, I have a tendency to lose my phone, so I bought this.

It's big, it's ugly and I never lose it.

- Bibi Blocksberg? - What's wrong with that?

- You fucking kidding me? - Nothing wrong with that.

You know, if I would be a thief,

I would return it straightaway.

That's the point of it, you know? It's meant to be...

like that.

Oh!

PLANE FLIES OVERHEAD

That'll be me soon, I guess.

So, um...

This is it?

Time's up.

Well, I have to be at the airport in three hours, so...

Hmm.

Do you want to see my apartment?

Really?

I don't know. It's...

OK.

Hmm.

Usually, I would say "yes"

and it wouldn't even be a question, but with...

I don't... You know?

Mm-hm.

I can show you my kitchen.

Photos and...

Give you a massage.

Massage.

- You OK? - Yes.

- Mm. - Mm.

PHONE VIBRATES

JOHANNES MURMURS SOFTLY

IN GERMAN: This is the S9 train to Schönefeld airport.

BLEEPING

BLEEPING

MUSIC PLAYS

GRINDR MESSAGE ALERT

♪ Please don't go

♪ Please don't go Babe, I love you so

♪ And I want you to know

♪ That I'm

♪ Gonna miss your love

♪ The minute you walk out that door

♪ Please don't go

♪ Please don't go Babe, I love you so

♪ And I want you to know

♪ That I'm

♪ Gonna miss your love

♪ The minute you walk out that door

♪ Please don't go

♪ Don't go

♪ Don't go away

♪ Please don't go

♪ Don't go

♪ I'm begging you to stay

♪ If you leave

♪ At least in my lifetime

♪ I've had one dream come true

♪ I was blessed

♪ To be loved

♪ By someone as wonderful as you

♪ Please don't go

♪ Don't go

♪ Don't go away

♪ Please don't go

♪ Don't go

♪ I'm begging you to stay

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ Please don't go

♪ Please don't go. ♪

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull