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1
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:29,355
- Jesus, help me. Jesus, protect me from evil.
2
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Jesus--
3
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- Knight to king bishop five.
4
00:08:58,771 --> 00:09:00,606
- Bishop takes knight.
5
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,498
- Queen takes bishop.
6
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:26,699
- Missed that.
7
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:32,638
Doesn't make any difference.
8
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,146
Queen takes queen. Check.
9
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- King to king's rook one.
10
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- Checkmate.
11
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,837
- When did you find out the truth about Santa?
12
00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:43,709
- Later than I should have.
13
00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:59,218
- I got the cash.
14
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:09,295
So do you have it?
15
00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:13,132
- I'll cross over and I'll get it.
16
00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:14,800
It's all about waiting.
17
00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:17,803
Don't rush time or time will rush back to you.
18
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:19,905
Twelve past.
19
00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:21,140
- I hate that place.
20
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:24,276
- Well, we have to cross over very carefully.
21
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,711
You must really love her.
22
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:32,351
One, two, three.
23
00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:34,386
Four, five, six.
24
00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:20,232
I got the gifts.
25
00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:12,438
- Oh yeah.
26
00:16:15,874 --> 00:16:18,777
- Darlin', this is the best night of your life.
27
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,746
- You know, I been thinkin'.
28
00:16:20,779 --> 00:16:21,780
- Shh. Shh.
29
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:31,023
♪ Move up close
30
00:16:31,056 --> 00:16:33,392
♪ Move up close
31
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:37,663
♪ Spin that girl and you'll let her know ♪
32
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:42,701
♪ When you bring her in, hold her tight ♪
33
00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:47,539
♪ Grab those hips and you move her right ♪
34
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:49,842
♪ She has the moves, the swing that you want ♪
35
00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:51,910
♪ All that you need and nothing you don't ♪
36
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:56,648
♪ She's got - Just the way I like 'em.
37
00:16:56,682 --> 00:17:01,353
♪ The lights are low and the music's up ♪
38
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:06,392
♪ The band is rockin' and the girl is tough ♪
39
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:25,657
- Use your head.
40
00:20:52,651 --> 00:20:54,119
Come on, I'll help you.
41
00:20:54,152 --> 00:20:55,454
You're gonna win this time.
42
00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:57,289
Want to prove that I'm number one, right?
43
00:20:57,322 --> 00:21:00,659
Gonna smash your fuckin' teeth in. Come on.
44
00:21:07,132 --> 00:21:10,002
- It's over. It's all over for you.
45
00:24:19,090 --> 00:24:20,225
- I'm sorry about that.
46
00:24:21,626 --> 00:24:23,662
I thought there was somebody out there.
47
00:24:23,695 --> 00:24:25,797
It's fine. I'm fine now.
48
00:24:25,831 --> 00:24:27,399
Could you just stay on there for a second?
49
00:24:27,432 --> 00:24:31,036
Because this thing keeps crashing. You're like cracking up.
50
00:24:35,941 --> 00:24:37,175
- You're all right. - Hang on on sec.
51
00:24:37,209 --> 00:24:38,476
- I told you you were worrying over nothing.
52
00:24:41,746 --> 00:24:42,981
I might see you tomorrow.
53
00:24:53,124 --> 00:24:54,960
- It was only the cat. What'd I tell you, eh?
54
00:24:54,993 --> 00:24:56,228
It was the cat.
55
00:24:56,261 --> 00:24:57,429
What are you doing? This thing's crap.
56
00:24:57,462 --> 00:25:01,800
Katie, Katie, there's no sound. Hi.
57
00:25:03,501 --> 00:25:05,203
I don't know. I think it's the computer thing.
58
00:25:05,237 --> 00:25:07,672
I can't hear what you're saying at all.
59
00:25:09,908 --> 00:25:10,909
Hi, Katie.
60
00:30:29,127 --> 00:30:30,094
- Hey!
61
00:30:30,128 --> 00:30:31,129
- Help!
62
00:30:33,064 --> 00:30:34,265
- Stay where you are and keep your hands
63
00:30:34,299 --> 00:30:36,701
where I can fuckin' see them!
64
00:31:03,361 --> 00:31:04,729
- You're all right.
65
00:31:04,762 --> 00:31:06,664
Should we brush our teeth?
66
00:31:06,698 --> 00:31:08,099
A bit scary. Aw.
67
00:31:10,335 --> 00:31:13,972
Ghosties aren't real, darlin'. They're not real, are they?
68
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,041
All right then, are you going to a Halloween party
69
00:31:17,075 --> 00:31:18,042
in a minute?
70
00:31:18,076 --> 00:31:19,210
- Yeah. - Yeah?
71
00:31:19,244 --> 00:31:20,812
You want to see what your costume looks like?
72
00:31:20,845 --> 00:31:22,013
- Yeah. - Look.
73
00:31:23,881 --> 00:31:26,251
What are you dressed as? What are you?
74
00:31:27,452 --> 00:31:28,653
- A witch.
75
00:31:28,686 --> 00:31:30,922
- Are you a wicked witch?
76
00:31:30,955 --> 00:31:32,190
You do it.
77
00:31:32,223 --> 00:31:34,425
- No. - Do the laugh.
78
00:31:34,459 --> 00:31:36,661
- No.
79
00:31:36,694 --> 00:31:38,029
- Ready, we'll be ghosties.
80
00:31:38,062 --> 00:31:39,063
- Yeah.
81
00:32:04,656 --> 00:32:06,224
- Daddy.
82
00:32:08,493 --> 00:32:09,861
Daddy? - Isabelle?
83
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- Daddy.
84
00:35:32,864 --> 00:35:33,865
- No one.
85
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:39,136
Shit.
86
00:35:53,217 --> 00:35:54,218
Hi.
87
00:35:55,987 --> 00:35:57,922
- Hi, what do you want?
88
00:35:59,023 --> 00:36:00,525
- What time is it?
89
00:36:01,826 --> 00:36:03,194
- It's death o'clock.
90
00:38:13,124 --> 00:38:14,258
- Damn near made it.
91
00:38:15,626 --> 00:38:18,162
Almost late for my own funeral again,
92
00:38:18,195 --> 00:38:21,866
or however it is that ridiculous cliche goes.
93
00:38:21,899 --> 00:38:26,237
Regardless, the dawn waits for no man or beast.
94
00:38:27,305 --> 00:38:30,541
Ann Gable, the beloved film actress.
95
00:38:31,842 --> 00:38:34,378
Even by my moralless standards, my behavior during
96
00:38:34,412 --> 00:38:38,316
our encounter this past evening was outlandishly wretched.
97
00:38:45,556 --> 00:38:46,624
And sadistic.
98
00:38:54,131 --> 00:38:56,033
And downright perverse.
99
00:39:04,175 --> 00:39:07,511
Perhaps this isn't the right time for my evening review.
100
00:39:07,545 --> 00:39:08,546
The dawn.
101
00:39:10,081 --> 00:39:13,818
But then again, perhaps this actually is the right time.
102
00:39:13,851 --> 00:39:16,787
The right time for me to finally take a stand and bring
103
00:39:16,821 --> 00:39:20,424
this catastrophe that is my existence to a screeching halt
104
00:39:20,458 --> 00:39:23,127
and to finally say fuck this!
105
00:41:52,910 --> 00:41:54,411
- Emily, run! Run!
106
00:42:48,098 --> 00:42:50,100
- It's supposed to work.
107
00:42:51,568 --> 00:42:54,738
Oh, option one. All right, let's try the door.
108
00:42:54,772 --> 00:42:56,307
It's supposed to be working.
109
00:42:56,340 --> 00:42:58,208
- It's gotta be the right one. This has to be the right one.
110
00:42:58,242 --> 00:42:59,677
- Wait, let's try it.
111
00:42:59,710 --> 00:43:01,145
All right, I dialed the number. It's supposed to be working.
112
00:43:01,178 --> 00:43:03,681
All right, let's do it. One, two, three.
113
00:43:03,714 --> 00:43:05,482
- Oh god, close it, close it, close it!
114
00:43:05,516 --> 00:43:06,750
Dial the number! Dial the number quick!
115
00:43:06,784 --> 00:43:08,619
- I'm trying, I'm trying. Okay.
116
00:43:08,652 --> 00:43:09,620
- You got it? - Yeah.
117
00:43:09,653 --> 00:43:10,621
- All right. - Ready?
118
00:43:10,654 --> 00:43:11,855
- One, two, tree.
119
00:43:11,889 --> 00:43:13,157
Oh my god, same thing! Close it.
120
00:43:13,190 --> 00:43:14,725
Oh my god! Oh my god!
121
00:43:14,758 --> 00:43:16,660
Oh god. Oh god.
122
00:43:16,694 --> 00:43:18,195
- It's supposed to be working.
123
00:43:18,228 --> 00:43:20,364
Come on, we got to get it right this time.
124
00:43:20,397 --> 00:43:22,299
This is supposed to be working.
125
00:43:22,333 --> 00:43:23,500
All right, let's try it.
126
00:43:23,534 --> 00:43:24,969
- This has to be it. Ready?
127
00:43:25,002 --> 00:43:26,870
- Okay, let me try this last one, all right?
128
00:43:26,904 --> 00:43:29,006
- Okay, come on, you gotta get it right this time.
129
00:43:29,039 --> 00:43:30,040
Come on.
130
00:43:30,941 --> 00:43:31,909
- Hi, boys.
131
00:43:31,942 --> 00:43:33,043
- Oh, thank god.
132
00:43:51,996 --> 00:43:53,197
- God damn .
133
00:43:53,230 --> 00:43:54,431
- Look at all of 'em. - I can't stand 'em.
134
00:43:54,465 --> 00:43:56,066
- Come and get us, dumbasses.
135
00:43:58,669 --> 00:43:59,870
Man. - Hey, Uncle Ray,
136
00:43:59,903 --> 00:44:01,105
hand me another one of them beers.
137
00:44:01,138 --> 00:44:02,473
- All right, let's see here. - Yeah, get me one too.
138
00:44:02,506 --> 00:44:03,807
- There you go, man.
139
00:44:03,841 --> 00:44:05,009
- I want one of them beers. - All right, help yourself.
140
00:44:05,042 --> 00:44:07,311
Get your own damn beer, man.
141
00:44:07,344 --> 00:44:08,312
- Come on. - Hey, man.
142
00:44:08,345 --> 00:44:10,347
Don't hurt yourself there.
143
00:44:10,381 --> 00:44:12,316
Come on. - Oh, don't look. Don't look.
144
00:44:12,349 --> 00:44:14,084
- What? What is it? Well, hold on. Get out.
145
00:44:14,118 --> 00:44:15,119
Whoa, holy .
146
00:44:16,220 --> 00:44:17,721
- Take a look at this boy, Ray.
147
00:44:17,755 --> 00:44:19,123
- This is real, man. This is really happening.
148
00:44:19,156 --> 00:44:20,791
- Yeah, holy , he's dead.
149
00:44:20,824 --> 00:44:21,925
- Something ate him like that,
150
00:44:21,959 --> 00:44:22,926
what's it gonna do to you?
151
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:24,528
- I don't know. - Damn.
152
00:44:24,561 --> 00:44:25,763
- Holy - Go! Go!
153
00:44:27,998 --> 00:44:29,233
Ray, is that you?
154
00:44:29,266 --> 00:44:30,401
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, man.
155
00:44:30,434 --> 00:44:31,835
Hold on. Hold on, there's something wrong.
156
00:44:31,869 --> 00:44:32,836
Oh my god, no.
157
00:44:32,870 --> 00:44:33,971
No, no, no, man.
158
00:44:34,004 --> 00:44:35,172
That's not your kid! - Henry, no!
159
00:44:35,205 --> 00:44:36,340
- That's not your kid anymore, man!
160
00:44:36,373 --> 00:44:38,275
That's not your kid! Oh, man.
161
00:44:38,308 --> 00:44:40,611
- What the hell is your problem?
162
00:44:40,644 --> 00:44:43,280
- Oh this is not good. This isn't good!
163
00:44:43,313 --> 00:44:44,782
This isn't good!
164
00:44:44,815 --> 00:44:45,949
- Let's get the out of here. They're gone.
165
00:44:45,983 --> 00:44:48,318
- No, Dwight.
166
00:44:48,352 --> 00:44:53,090
Oh ! Holy !
167
00:45:00,230 --> 00:45:02,499
Oh !
168
00:45:10,941 --> 00:45:12,776
Oh !
169
00:45:57,588 --> 00:45:58,622
- No!
170
00:47:16,433 --> 00:47:17,868
- No, no, no, no!
171
00:47:21,905 --> 00:47:23,173
No, no, no, no!
172
00:47:31,448 --> 00:47:36,320
Fuck! Fuck!
173
00:47:41,124 --> 00:47:45,128
Yeah, yeah, choke on it, motherfucker! Fuck you!
174
00:47:46,597 --> 00:47:48,298
You don't even know.
175
00:47:48,332 --> 00:47:49,333
Fuck.
176
00:47:50,934 --> 00:47:51,935
No, no!
177
00:48:10,153 --> 00:48:11,521
- Good evening, my victims.
178
00:48:12,990 --> 00:48:15,092
You caught me in the middle of having a midnight snack,
179
00:48:16,260 --> 00:48:19,896
a freshly caught one.
180
00:48:21,431 --> 00:48:25,269
Now there is many ways I can prepare this tasty morsel.
181
00:48:27,504 --> 00:48:31,375
Humans like to eat carrots for their vision,
182
00:48:31,408 --> 00:48:34,578
but I like to go straight to the source.
183
00:48:47,624 --> 00:48:48,759
Roasted eyeballs.
184
00:48:52,296 --> 00:48:53,297
Mm.
185
00:48:54,631 --> 00:48:56,633
And now for the main course.
186
00:49:20,791 --> 00:49:21,858
Well, that was tasty.
187
00:49:23,327 --> 00:49:25,762
Who's next?
188
00:53:06,550 --> 00:53:08,818
- Hey, guys, Steve Jackson here with my video series
189
00:53:08,852 --> 00:53:10,186
catching up with old friends I haven't seen
190
00:53:10,220 --> 00:53:11,421
for over 10 years.
191
00:53:11,454 --> 00:53:13,390
Today, we're gonna talk to Jeffery Tobonics.
192
00:53:13,423 --> 00:53:15,892
Coolest guy in school, always got the ladies.
193
00:53:15,926 --> 00:53:17,127
Let's see what he's up to.
194
00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:19,029
Yo, Jeffery, you still get all them ladies?
195
00:53:19,062 --> 00:53:22,332
- Oh yeah, we're on now? Oh, what's up, Steve, man?
196
00:53:22,365 --> 00:53:24,467
How you doing, man? How you doing?
197
00:53:24,501 --> 00:53:26,336
Man, I haven't seen you in forever.
198
00:53:26,369 --> 00:53:28,939
I can't believe you got ahold of me. Am I looking good?
199
00:53:28,972 --> 00:53:30,607
Oh yeah, I'm lookin' good like I did back in high school.
200
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:32,909
Because, man, this is Jeffery Tobonics.
201
00:53:32,943 --> 00:53:35,812
As you know, I make the ladies go bubonic.
202
00:53:35,845 --> 00:53:38,348
Just like back in school I'm still playin' it now like that.
203
00:53:38,381 --> 00:53:40,617
Oh yeah. Man, I'm still the man.
204
00:53:40,650 --> 00:53:42,118
- Oh yeah. - And I got ladies
205
00:53:42,152 --> 00:53:43,453
all over the land right now, just like back then.
206
00:53:43,486 --> 00:53:45,689
I get the ladies, I'll be flexin' like this.
207
00:53:47,157 --> 00:53:49,726
The ladies love me. I get all the ladies everywhere.
208
00:53:49,759 --> 00:53:51,995
As you know, I don't play.
209
00:53:52,028 --> 00:53:53,463
- Oh, you think you're tough now, motherfucker?
210
00:53:53,496 --> 00:53:54,931
- What the hell? - You ain't tough, bitch.
211
00:53:54,965 --> 00:53:56,199
- What the hell? - Try keeping your
212
00:53:56,232 --> 00:53:57,467
bangs straight motherfucker. - What the hell?
213
00:53:57,500 --> 00:53:59,202
What the hell? What the hell? - No bitch shit. No bitch shit.
214
00:53:59,235 --> 00:54:00,537
- No, no, no!
215
00:54:00,570 --> 00:54:03,640
- Bitch shit, motherfucker! Motherfucker!
216
00:54:03,673 --> 00:54:06,443
- Oh no! - Motherfucker, you like that?
217
00:54:06,476 --> 00:54:08,244
Oh, I bet you like that, don't you?
218
00:54:29,199 --> 00:54:30,600
- Hey.
219
00:54:30,634 --> 00:54:32,636
- First round of drinks was pretty good.
220
00:54:32,669 --> 00:54:33,670
- Yeah?
221
00:54:35,071 --> 00:54:37,674
Well if you like those, something else I'd like you to have.
222
00:54:37,707 --> 00:54:39,376
- Oh, you want to give me something?
223
00:54:39,409 --> 00:54:40,377
- Yeah.
224
00:54:40,410 --> 00:54:41,611
- How about I just take it?
225
00:54:49,119 --> 00:54:50,253
Let's go have some fun.
226
00:54:51,755 --> 00:54:52,756
- Okay.
227
00:54:56,559 --> 00:54:57,560
Hell yeah.
228
00:54:59,796 --> 00:55:02,132
Now what are those?
229
00:55:02,165 --> 00:55:04,567
- Something that's gonna make the night
230
00:55:04,601 --> 00:55:06,403
a little more interesting.
231
00:55:29,225 --> 00:55:31,227
- Why can't I feel anything?
232
00:55:31,261 --> 00:55:34,931
- The pill was to numb you and to keep you alive.
233
00:55:39,769 --> 00:55:44,007
You taste so much sweeter alive.
234
00:59:42,445 --> 00:59:43,446
- Damn. Damn it.
235
00:59:44,614 --> 00:59:47,116
I burned myself. No, I'm okay.
236
00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:53,523
Shut up. I do know how to cook.
237
00:59:58,328 --> 01:00:02,031
Yeah, I like the place. The house needs a bit of work.
238
01:00:02,065 --> 01:00:03,967
But what house doesn't nowadays?
239
01:00:05,568 --> 01:00:08,204
Yeah, I like it. It was a real steal.
240
01:00:09,672 --> 01:00:14,310
The only thing that troubles me, though, is these noises.
241
01:00:14,344 --> 01:00:16,079
Kind of sound like footsteps.
242
01:00:17,213 --> 01:00:19,415
No, I don't think the place is haunted.
243
01:00:19,449 --> 01:00:22,185
Kinda creepy, but not haunted.
244
01:00:23,486 --> 01:00:24,687
Oh, hold on, hold on.
245
01:00:24,721 --> 01:00:29,359
I think Jenny just got home. Don't be so needy.
246
01:00:29,392 --> 01:00:31,160
I promise I'll call you back, okay?
247
01:00:32,495 --> 01:00:33,963
All right. Okay, okay, bye.
248
01:00:38,868 --> 01:00:40,236
Jenny, I'm in the kitchen.
249
01:00:56,219 --> 01:00:59,655
Hey, lady ha ha, can you answer when I call you?
250
01:00:59,689 --> 01:01:00,790
Rude.
251
01:01:05,128 --> 01:01:07,163
Hey, Numbnuts, I'm running a bit late.
252
01:01:07,196 --> 01:01:10,033
Stuck in traffic. I'll be home soon.
253
01:01:10,066 --> 01:01:13,102
Don't eat all the food, McStinkie. I'm starving.
254
01:01:33,656 --> 01:01:35,925
- Being a father means
255
01:01:35,958 --> 01:01:37,860
having to take the tough decisions.
256
01:01:37,894 --> 01:01:41,864
If your home is threatened, you become a protector.
257
01:01:41,898 --> 01:01:45,134
If someone wrongs them, you become an avenger.
258
01:01:46,369 --> 01:01:49,238
- Dad, stop. You don't have to do this.
259
01:01:49,272 --> 01:01:51,741
- Just get out of the way. You've done enough.
260
01:01:51,774 --> 01:01:52,775
- Well, I'm sorry.
261
01:01:54,277 --> 01:01:55,878
- Just get your ass back inside.
262
01:01:58,481 --> 01:02:00,083
- Let her stay, Jonas.
263
01:02:00,116 --> 01:02:02,251
I'm taking her with me either with your blessing
264
01:02:02,285 --> 01:02:03,886
or over your dead body.
265
01:02:03,920 --> 01:02:06,222
- Leave now before it goes too far.
266
01:02:06,255 --> 01:02:07,790
- It already has.
267
01:02:07,824 --> 01:02:09,092
That bitch of yours and that bastard child inside of her
268
01:02:09,125 --> 01:02:10,793
belong to me now.
269
01:02:10,827 --> 01:02:12,395
- You got yourself three seconds
270
01:02:12,428 --> 01:02:14,297
to get off my fucking property.
271
01:02:14,330 --> 01:02:16,365
- You got three to let me take mine.
272
01:02:19,869 --> 01:02:20,870
- One, two.
273
01:02:22,138 --> 01:02:23,306
- Three.
274
01:02:27,643 --> 01:02:30,613
Looks like that's two members of your family
275
01:02:30,646 --> 01:02:32,181
I've had on their backs, Jonas.
276
01:02:39,922 --> 01:02:41,491
- Not today, you bastard.
18151
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