Original subtitles

"The Merry Widow"

♪ Though our country will never make war ♪

♪ We've a reason that's worth marching for ♪

♪ Not for battle our banner unfurls ♪

♪ But for girls, girls, girls, girls, girls ♪

♪ When we're marching we never retreat ♪

♪ For we're charging a foe that is sweet ♪

♪ But we're caught in the swirl of the enemy's curls... ♪

Danilo...

♪ Though our country will never make war ♪

♪ We've a reason that's worth marching for ♪

♪ Not for battle our banner unfurls ♪

♪ But for girls, girls, girls, girls, girls ♪

♪ When we're marching we never retreat ♪

♪ For we're charging a foe that is sweet ♪

♪ But we're caught in the swirl of the enemy's curls ♪

♪ and surrender to girls, girls, girls... ♪

You may continue.

Thank you, madame.

Madame.

Pardon me, madame,

for trespassing on your estate and intruding on your privacy.

What do you want?

I come to deliver a confidential letter.

This is very important, madame.

"Madame Sonia,

If you should ever meet Count Danilo...

...let me tell you, he is terrific"...

What is this? Count Danilo? Terrific?

That's what people say.

Danilo? Danilo?

Yes, Count Danilo.

Now, madame, this is absolutely between you and me.

This Count Danilo is crazy to meet you.

He tried everything. In fact, he's desperate.

I really feel sorry for the man, but you're such a widow.

Pardon me, madame, what I mean is you live in complete seclusion

and the poor man has no chance to meet you socially.

Well, I'm very sorry.

I never heard of the gentleman and I'm not interested.

Oh, you will be, madame.

The man is in such a state of man

there is no telling what he may do.

Who is this Count Danilo?

Me.

Who wrote this letter?

I.

I don't understand.

What do you want?

An answer. Yes or... when.

If you don't leave immediately I shall report you to the king.

Oh, please, please.

Let me stay only a little while and you may recommend me

to the queen.

It's hard to believe that an officer of the royal guard...

Dares to approach the richest, most powerful woman in the country...

And behaves like a silly young cadet.

It's an outrage.

Now, don't get excited, please.

I am...

Unjust, that's what you are.

Put yourself in my position.

Imagine you saying all those lovely things to me...

and me wearing a mask.

Wouldn't you spend sleepless nights wondering what I look like?

Well, my situation is much worse.

I haven't slept for months.

Then I think it would be very wise

if you'd leave immediately and go to bed.

Then dream about you.

No. No. You're cruel, madame.

You're torturing me.

Day by day, I've been watching you

when you ride in your carriage in the street.

I come up here every night.

I suppose I'll have to call my servant.

They're all bribed.

Do you know that I have been feeding your dogs

with the finest imported salami just to get a quiet glimpse of you?

And what do I see?

Your lovely little hands,

your dainty little feet and yet the most beautiful thing...

Stop it.

Tell me. Your eyes.

Are they blue or brown?

Are you pretty or beautiful?

Gorgeous.

No. This is no time for joking.

I have been in many situations but this is too much.

There's not a window in Marshovia that I haven't jumped out.

I've got around every kind of husband,

but here I'm block. And by what?

By a piece of flimsy material.

Oh, please. Have mercy.

Lift the veil between us, madame.

Be a nice girl.

My dear Count, I'm very sorry

to be the cause of all your suffering.

Oh but no, no... No mad...

But unfortunately, we are in Marshovia and I am a widow.

Why don't you throw away this old custom of ours?

And take off my veil?

Yes.

I'd do it in a minute if there were any reason for it

or the slightest temptation. But there isn't.

Maybe you can't see me very well?

Oh, yes. In fact, too well.

I'll admit you're very funny but... not terrific.

Not even collossal.

Madame, I want you to understand once and for all.

Our romance is over.

Don't count on me any further.

I've tried to bring a little moonlight into your life

but you pulled down the shade.

All right. Forget me, if you can.

Go back to your solitude.

Put on your loveliest negligee and wish yourself good night.

And please, don't include me even in your dreams, will you?

Good night!

Well? I'm a free man again.

Come, Miska.

No more salami.

♪ The night is romantic and I am alone ♪

♪ In vain through my window the moonlight is thrown ♪

♪ Oh Vilia, my Vilia, oh yes, that's the tune ♪

♪ The song of the shepherd who cried for the moon ♪

♪ Vilia, oh Vilia, oh, let me be true ♪

♪ My little life is a love song to you ♪

♪ Vilia, oh, Vilia ♪

♪ I've waited so long; lonely with only a song ♪

♪ Vilia, oh, Vilia, don't leave me alone ♪

♪ Love calls to love and my heart is your own ♪

♪ Vilia, oh Vilia, I've waited so long ♪

♪ Lonely with only a song ♪

Good night. Good night, madame.

Oh, just a minute, before I forget. Melissa?

Yes, madame.

Would you ask the secretary to find out

the address of a certain, um, of a certain, um...

What's his name? Count Danilo.

Oh, Count Danilo lives in Queen's Avenue.

No. 25, second floor, apartment B.

Thank you. Never mind. That's all.

Good night, madame.

Good night, madame. Good night, madame.

♪ I thought that this day could be the day ♪

♪ When my heart would find romance, romance again ♪

♪ I thought that this day would be the day ♪

♪ And my heart would learn to dance ♪ ♪ To dance again ♪

♪ It was all just a fleeting dream ♪

♪ Men are not—not what they seem ♪

♪ And this beautiful day only taught me to regret ♪

♪ But tonight will teach me to forget ♪

♪ While I wait, he's forgetting me ♪

♪ It was just not meant to be ♪

♪ And so it seems, I must close my book on dreams ♪

♪ And I seal it with regret and forget ♪

Madame Menusca. - Yes, madame.

My new dress. - Yes, madame.

Get everything ready.

We're going to Paris, tomorrow, tomorrow morning.

As soon as possible. - Yes, madame.

There's a limit to every widow.

♪ The melody of laughter love and maytime ♪

♪ That is Paris at cafe time ♪

♪ Your tiara, your pearls and your lavaliere ♪

♪ Soon will enrapture the eye of each cavalier ♪

♪ A roundelay of roses, wine and dances - Manly glances, light romances ♪

♪ Once again I'll learn to sing ♪ ♪ The melody of Paris in the spring ♪

Who is it?

The suspenders, Your Majesty

Any news, Your Majesty?

Conditions are bad. - Terrible.

What do you hear?

Well, you see, Your Majesty.

After all, we're a sheep and cow country.

Who's complaining now?

The shepherds.

Oh.

I overheard two shepherds in the street yesterday.

What did they say?

Now, tell me...

The opinion of the shepherd on the street...

That's what I want to know.

They say when the richest woman

gets fed up with the country and leaves...

- Oh. So they're blaming me... - For everything.

They're even telling jokes about Your Majesty.

Are they funny? That's bad.

If conditions don't improve,

the shepherds are going to organize.

They say there's already some talk of a black sheep movement.

Were they prominent shepherds?

Couple of East side shepherds.

- Intellectuals? - Yes.

- Let them talk.

Are you staying out late tonight, darling?

You ought to know how it is with these cabinet meetings.

Do you think it will last all night?

Now, please don't bother me.

It's enough to have a widow in Paris

to worry about without having a queen in bed nagging me.

Widow. Widow. That's all I hear.

A king worrying about a widow.

Not a widow. The widow.

The richest widow in the world.

In Europe.

Well, anyhow, she owns more than half of Marshovia.

Do you realize that she is in every cow

in the country for 52 percent?

But you belong to me, don't you, darling?

Read this telegram from our ambassador in Paris.

Widow sensation in Paris.

Fortune hunters arriving daily. Marriage in the air.

Unless Marshovia acts quickly,

fear national fortune goes into foreign hands.

I know what to do but am too old to do it.

Darling, how late do you think you'll be tonight?

Now let me drum this into your head.

You and I are living on her taxes.

If she doesn't come back,

if she withdraws her money from the country,

the National Bank will close.

The country goes bankrupt.

There'll be a revolution.

And we'll be flat on our throne.

Ahmed, something must be done.

Something will be done.

And tonight. This is a secret.

The cabinet figures that we have to meet foreign competition.

Therefore, we're sending a special envoy.

A real man who is not too old.

And knows what to do.

Of course.

The man must be charming, irresistible.

So she falls in love with him.

And he brings her back to Marshovia.

Who are you going to send?

Well, we're considering Count Gabrilovitch.

Gabrilovitch?

Now tell me.

If you weren't married, if you weren't my wife,

could you fall for Gabrilovitch?

If I weren't married,

if I had to do it over again, and had the choice

between you and Gabrilovitch? Frankly, I take you.

That shows you what I think of Gabrilovitch.

He's out.

Who else have you got?

Well, there's Sinkovitch, Niergush and Montelovsky.

I'd still take you.

Oh, you'll have to do better than that.

That's what I say. But the Prime Minister...

He depends too much on his wife's judgment.

But I say no politics at a time like this. Let the best man win.

That's what the meeting is for.

I'm expecting a real fight.

Darling, do you think it will take you all night?

And I could have married the Sultan's daughter.

Good night, dear.

Please, I beg of you.

Control yourself.

And you, too.

I never shriek, Your Majesty.

Walls have ears.

You think your servants hide anything?

Oh. My good name.

Your Majesty, may I make a suggestion?

What is it?

Let's fool them.

Let's make a rich conversation.

Let's pretend to be social.

Right.

I take them off for you, Your Majesty.

We're having a good time.

Fine. Fine.

That's enough.

Let's not réduite.

That settles the servant problem

Now, let's keep this a scandal between you to you and me.

This must be kept out of history.

Not a soul must know.

Nobody. I swear, not a soul.

We were planning not even to tell Your Majesty, isn't that right?

That's the spirit.

Now listen, you!

Careful, Ahmed.

A firing squad's too good for you.

Tonight you'll be taken to the mountains.

First, your ears will be cut off.

I'll attend to you later.

Yes, Your Majesty.

No. No, Dolores. That's not right.

You know well enough I

have to go down in history as Ahmed the Great.

And how do you cooperate?

Falling in love with the Captain of the Guard.

That's hitting below the crown.

You're wrong, Ahmed.

You're wrong.

I didn't fall in love.

I was defending myself and splendidly.

But you came back too early.

You didn't give me a chance.

If you'd returned an hour later,

you'd have found him where he belongs, outside the door.

How does he compare with Gabrilovitch?

No comparison, but Gabrilovitch

and Sinkovitch together and what have you?

Gabrilovitch and Sinkovitch. But Danilo?... Oh no, no comparison.

Dolores.

Yes, Ahmed.

With my brains and your contacts, Marshovia can't miss.

Afraid of me?

Ever been in Paris?

Oh, I spent all my holidays there, Your Majesty.

Oh, so you know Paris...

Do you want some address, Your Majesty?

No. No. I'm a married man.

Are you married?

No, Your Majesty.

You don't know what you're missing.

- Don't I? - No, you don't.

Your Majesty, may I make a suggestion?

Please.

Let's drop the matter.

Fine. Now listen, my good fellow...

You will leave tomorrow for Paris.

Oh, thank you, Your Majesty.

On a secret mission that's right up your boulevard.

Please, Your Majesty.

How is your French?

Terrific.

Not bad. What does it mean?

Oh, I was just saying something about Her Majesty, The Queen.

Was it nice?

- Lovely. - Isn't she?

Marvelous.

You will leave immediately.

Yes, Your Majesty.

As soon as you arrive in Paris,

you will report to the Marshovian embassy.

Our ambassador, Baron Popoff will tell you the next move.

Your Majesty, whatever my mission will be, Marshovia, right or wrong...

I'll never forget the look on your face when you walked into that room.

Did I frighten you?

Oh.

Goodbye, Your Majesty.

Goodbye, my boy.

What's new?

I overheard two girls on the streetcar.

They were talking about you.

What did they say?

They were telling stories about you.

Were they funny?

Well, they must have been.

You see, I don't understand French but the conductor did,

so he stopped the car and threw them out.

That's Paris.

City of girls on their own pride.

♪ I'm going to Maxim's ♪

But aren't you going to report to the embassy, sir.

Tomorrow morning. ♪ I'm going to Maxim's ♪

But, sir.

♪ I'm going to Maxim's ♪ ♪ Where all the girls are queens ♪

♪ Each kiss goes on the wine list ♪ ♪ And mine is quite a fine list ♪

♪ Lo-Lo, Do-Do, Jou-Jou ♪ ♪ Clo-Clo, Margot, Frou-Frou ♪

♪ We promise to be faithful ♪ ♪ Until the night is through ♪

♪ A melody of laughter, love and maytime ♪

♪ That is Paris at cafe time ♪

♪ My tiara, my pearls and my lavaliere ♪

♪ Soon will enrapture the eye of each cavalier ♪

Gentlemen!

Yes, ma'am.

I'll be ready in a moment.

Thank you, madame.

♪ A roundelay of roses, wine and dances ♪

♪ Manly glances, light romances ♪

♪ Once again, I'll learn to sing... ♪

Gentlemen?

Yes, madame.

What are your plans for this evening?

We'll go to Cafe de Paris to dine... - To the opera.

We'll get there at nine.

Then we'll have supper at the Grand Hotel.

When it's midnight and all is well,

then we'll dance... If madame is willing.

How mad, how wild, how thrilling.

♪ I'm going to Maxim's ♪ ♪ Where all the girls are queens ♪

♪ Each kiss goes on the wine list ♪ ♪ And mine is quite a fine list ♪

Close the window.

Well why don't you...

♪ I'll stay up at Maxim's ♪ ♪ Until the morning beams ♪

♪ When I am feeling so good ♪ ♪ Be sure I'm out for no good ♪

♪ Lo-Lo, Do-Do, Jou-Jou... ♪

♪ Wake up young man, please do ♪ Come on!

♪ Don't spare the horses ♪ ♪ And drive me to Maxim's ♪

Where is he going? What did he say?

I think he said Maxim's

♪ He's going there it seems ♪

♪ I heard that's where a man can ♪ ♪ See ladies dance the can-can ♪

Lo-Lo, Do-Do, Jou-Jou... Or any name will do.

♪ True love is out of fashion ♪ ♪ And the men go to Maxim's ♪

She can't go to Maxim's.

Not in my wildest dreams.

Her face must not be shown there. - And we are too unknown there.

Lo-Lo, Do-Do, Jou-Jou, Clo-Clo, Margot, Frou-Frou,

♪ We promise to be faithful until the night is true ♪

Danilo.

Loulou.

Count Danilo.

Loulou. - Please.

Did you say something?

No.

You better not.

Are you looking for trouble?

- No! - Good.

What if I am looking for trouble?

Oh, shut up.

I won't shut up.

Go home, you old fool.

Pig.

Idiot.

Stop. How dare you?

My seconds will call on you, monsieur.

Very well, monsieur.

I wouldn't bother.

Now, listen.

Who is that old goat?

He's some ambassador from, um...

You understand.

This whole thing is a government secret of the highest importance.

Yes, Your Excellency.

Well. Tomorrow night, the embassy

is giving a big reception in her honor.

Does she still wear a veil?

No. No. No. No.

Is she beautiful?

She owns fifty-two percent of Marshovia so she is beautiful.

If you like her or not, you love her.

This is cold-blooded patriotism.

Have you ever had diplomatic relations with a woman?

Well. Anyhow, these are the plans for tomorrow night.

Before you arrive, she must have a very dull time,

so that you can shine by contrast.

Therefore, for the first half hour, I will entertain her personally.

After listening to me for 15 minutes,

she will be completely bored.

Then we dance. After five minutes dancing with me,

widow needs fresh air.

Exit to garden.

Now, and now she gets the big thrill.

I leave her.

She's alone in the garden.

It'll be a moonlight night.

I'll see to that.

I mean, it'll look like it.

And the next thing, you come over the garden wall.

Danilo! Danilo!

How are you? How are you? Oh, fine.

Danilo.

How are you?

Danilo. Danilo. Danny.

Danilo!

Stay here or I'll kill you.

I don't like him.

I once had a wonderful harem.

Girls. Girls. It's good to be back.

Mimi, Gigi, Fifi, Froufrou.

Do you still have that red plush sofa?

With all the cushions.

Good. Joujou, Dodo, Mitzi!

I gained five pounds.

They're all mine.

And Margot.

Margot with the same sweet dimple.

How's your landlady? Still grouching?

Mhm.

And Gauches... Are your garters still blue?

Baby blue.

Do you still cry when you like somebody?

Did you miss me, girls?

Yes!

And I missed you.

All of you, Mimi, Kiki, Fifi...

Oh, it's great to be loved.

Oh, girls, girls...

Don't stand in the entrance.

Go over to table fifteen.

Order lots of champagne.

Any Americans here tonight?

I don't know.

New here, huh?

Doesn't bother.

Look who's here. Danilo.

♪ Let us gaze in the wine while it's wet ♪

♪ Let's do things that we'll live to regret ♪

♪ Let me dance till the restaurant whirls ♪

♪ With the girls, girls, girls, girls, girls ♪

♪ Where there's wine and there's women and song ♪

♪ It is wrong not to do something wrong ♪

♪ When you do something wrong, you must do something right ♪

♪ And I'm doing all right tonight ♪

Marcelle.

Oh, terrific.

Remember, last year?

Do I?

Ah.

Pretty, isn't it?

He gave it to me.

Not bad. Who is she?

She's new here.

What's your name, deary?

Fifi.

Well, Fifi.

Who is he?

Don't you know me? She doesn't know me.

You don't know him?

No.

It's Danilo!

Danilo? Wait a minute.

Aren't you the man who gave me this bracelet?

Oh, listen.

If I gave you a bracelet, you'd remember it.

And besides, he doesn't give any bracelets.

Shall we sit down?

Well, there's not much going on here tonight.

No Americans. Are you a banker?

No.

I was just in the mood for a banker.

You understand, don't you?

Sure. Sure.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

It's all right...

Not bad. Come on.

Sit down. Waiter.

Yes, madame.

Lots of champagne.

Yes, madame.

You're the freshest Fifi I ever met.

I am a nice Fifi.

How nice?

Not too nice.

Your right eye says yes and your left eye says no.

Fifi, you're cockeyed.

Quite right.

For instance, at the moment, I'm looking at someone else,

and what's more, let go of my hands.

You're charming, fascinating, delightful.

Stop kicking me.

Stop pinching me. That's better.

Now, you're behaving like a gentleman.

Give me back my shoe.

Girls who sit at my table don't flirt with other men. Understand?

I'm not your slave.

After all, we're living in 1885.

Shut up.

Constantinople.

Number seven.

Where?

Upstairs. To the private dining room.

Oh, no. I never go to private dining rooms.

I don't want to act the lady but...

May I put it on?

Please.

And now, Fifi, if you feel in the mood for a banker...

...the door is not locked.

What's the matter?

Great man.

His only mistake was he attacked too early.

That's how he lost Waterloo.

Oh, now, listen. I don't mind a little kissing.

I rather enjoy it sometime,

but this is absolutely demoralizing!

First, it's the Turk and now it's Napoleon.

Well, I give you Napoleon.

You can have him all night.

And see if you can get his hand off that second button.

Anything wrong?

No, she's impossible.

I take her upstairs and just when I am about to be nice to her,

she starts to talk about another man.

Shame on you!

Why, the girl has no etiquette. Come on.

Would you like to dance?

No.

♪ Not a word dear, have I heard dear, ♪ ♪ Yet I know ♪

♪ You've not told me, but you hold me ♪ ♪ So I know ♪

♪ Words may be unspoken ♪ ♪ Yet I know you hear ♪

♪ Music sighs, your heart replies ♪ ♪ I love you, dear ♪

Danilo.

Yes, Fifi.

Do you love me?

Certainly. Why not?

Oh, you don't understand.

I mean, do you love me?

Forever.

How long is forever with you?

What a funny question?

Has no one ever asked you that before?

Oh, not at Maxim's.

You like Maxim girls best, don't you?

Of course, I do.

Where in all the world can you find girls so beautiful, so charming,

who can dance like you, girl. Who can smile like you.

Ah, you're wonderful.

And let me tell you something, Fifi. Stay just what you are.

Have you ever met a society woman?

Never.

Well, you haven't missed a thing.

You don't like ladies?

Yes. Yes, I like them.

They are nice but they take love too seriously.

They can't enjoy it without bothering about tomorrow.

You mean, they're hard to get rid off.

Right. And the silly questions they ask... "Do you love me?"

And then you have to lie, "Yes, certainly, of course."

And then they'll ask you again, "Do you really love me?"

No, really...

Oh. Well, may I ask who you are?

Just one of those women who ask silly questions...

And then you have to lie.

Do you still want me to stay?

Oh, I wouldn't let you go for anything in the world.

But, what if I should bother you tomorrow...

What if I should be hard to get rid off?

Darling...

Is that all you can say?

No, but...

A very clear answer.

Now listen, Fifi.

Fifi. That's all you really want.

That's what every woman is to you. Fifi. You great lover.

Oh, please.

You don't even know what love is.

Please. Please. Don't spoil this evening.

Spoil this evening? Oh no, I won't.

You came here to have a great time, didn't you?

Well, you'll have it.

You won't be cheated.

Kiki, Margot, Cloclo, Marcelle.

Now, listen.

Girls, the gentleman wants to be entertained.

Here they are.

All your little tonight and not a tomorrow among them.

Goodnight, deary. I deserved your scolding.

I should have known better.

♪ Goodbye to you, Maxim's ♪

♪ I don't believe in dreams ♪

♪ The evening was splendid ♪ ♪ But now the play has ended ♪

♪ I give you to Jou-Jou, Clo-Clo, Margot, Frou-Frou ♪ ♪ The wine has lost its flavor ♪

♪ I leave Maxim's to you ♪

♪ I've heard many men say, widows have charm, widows are gay ♪

♪ And if we poor ones should be rich ones ♪

♪ We are much more attractive that way ♪

♪ We are very pleased with a meadow ♪ ♪ We have two opposite ones ♪

♪ A Merry widow can't be too bold ♪ ♪ That's what I've always been told ♪

Where is Captain Danilo?

- Uh, he uhh... Don't lie to me. Where is he?

He, uh... he left, sir.

He left?

He left.

How long ago?

Yesterday.

You mean he hasn't come back since last night?

Yes, sir.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Dear, dear.

What am I going to do with her?

Please, don't kill her.

Forgive her, sir.

I'm sure she can explain everything.

Who?

Your wife, sir.

Who do you think I am?

The husband, aren't you?

I am the Marshovian ambassador.

Oh. Then I must tell the truth.

Yes. Well, what is it?

Captain Danilo left last night and he hasn't come back.

Oh. What will I do?

What will I do?

If you don't mind, sir, I still say forgive her.

I'm not married!

I'm not looking for my wife,

I'm looking for Captain Danilo!

Where is he?

Your Excellency, you may think I'm stubborn,

but he left last night and he hasn't come back.

You find him.

You go to every nightclub, every cafe, every... Here.

Here are some addresses.

If Captain Danilo doesn't appear immediately at the embassy...

he'll be court martialed

Oh, yes, Your Excellency.

Listen. Don't you lose those addresses.

No, Your Excellency.

Captain. Captain. It's me.

Miska, Captain. Miska.

Yes. U.. uniform. Uniform.

Uniform put on, Captain.

Embassy.

Court martial, Captain.

Nice, Captain. Nice, Captain. Nice, Captain.

He won't let me put on his uniform.

Danilo...

No!

Come on... March!

Halt!

No... I'm not going to make love to that widow.

Can you imagine ordering someone to make love?

That's the army.

I never heard of such a thing

and I've been with the army all my life.

Do you have to marry her, Danilo?

It's a secret.

Don't tell it, Captain.

It's a secret.

If I don't bring her back to Marshovia... Marshovia will be bankrupt.

That's a secret, too.

And I'm not going to tell you.

He'll be court martialed if he doesn't go.

Fifi. Where are you, Fifi?

If she really loves you, she'll come back.

- But she's a lady.

I once knew a lady who came back twice.

All right. All right. I'm not going.

He's going to be shot.

Please get him to to the embassy.

No, I won't. I won't.

Maxim's. That's where Fifi is.

I'm going to Maxim's and nothing can stop me.

Yes.

♪ I'm going to Maxim's ♪

Any news?

No, Your Excellency.

Is this him?

No. No. No. Didn't I tell you exactly what he looks like?

Yes, sir.

Hey! - Just a moment. Don't...

I'm not going to make love with that widow.

Another a cup of coffee.

I'm perfectly sober. - Drink it.

I'm in full possession of all my faculties.

Drink it!

But I'm not going to make love to your widow.

Drink that coffee.

I'm in love with another woman.

Who is she?

I don't know.

Drink that coffee.

No! - Drink that coffee!

I'm a soldier. I'm an officer.

My duty is to fight.

I'm willing to die on every battlefield,

but I'm not going to drink another cup of coffee.

In the name of His Majesty, King Ahmed the Second,

Commander-in-Chief of the Army,

High Admiral of the Navy, drink that coffee!

Now, you stay here and face the widow.

And now, we come to the room, madame,

where King Ahmed said to Queen Dolores

for the first time, the historic words "I love you".

Please, madame.

Well. What a surprise. Captain Danilo.

Well, of all people. How did you get here?

When did you arrive?

Oh, yes, what a coincidence. What a coincidence.

I thought he was in Marshovia. Yes... Captain Danilo.

Madame Sonia, may I present my dearest friend,

none other than Captain Danilo.

It's a pleasure, madame.

It is?

It's small, it's afraid.

Meeting you is the greatest thing that could happen to me.

Madame, may I ask a favor?

Shall I lift my veil, Captain?

Oh, no, madame. No.

I don't jump over garden walls anymore.

Since when?

Since yesterday.

I fell in love with a girl... madly, but she disappeared.

And you, madame, are the only one in the world

who can help me find her. Her name is... Fifi.

Fifi is no more. You killed her.

After she left you last night,

she came home and committed suicide.

She jumped into a cold bath, and you'd be surprised, Captain,

what cold water can do.

Zizipoff.

Another telegram to His Majesty.

Following is accurate statement of happenings.

Copy word. Introduction performed.

Widow accused Danilo of murder,

but was willing to lift veil.

Couldn't understand the rest of conversation as both talked

in code. A.. Shhh.

At the moment, both are standing in front of the garden door.

If only he could get her into the garden...

He whispers something in her ear.

Apparently, something nice.

She gets very angry. In fact, she's furious.

She opens the garden door.

She goes into the garden.

He follows. Victory. Victory. Victory.

I love you, Sonia.

So I noticed, last night.

Oh, please. I'm mad about you.

Everybody is.

I've heard it at least a hundred times tonight.

And everybody wants to marry me.

There must be something wonderful about me.

What is it that fascinates all these men?

What can it be?

Is it my charm, or my beauty, or do you suppose it's my position?

You mean, your money?

Yes.

I don't know about the other men, but with me,

it's strictly your money and nothing else.

I believe you.

I knew you would. That's why I said it.

If you had only told me last night who you were...

If I had only known that I held in my arms the richest widow, I...

What did you come to Maxim's for anyway?

Oh, I see. Just a rich woman, looking for a thrill.

Goodbye, Captain.

A telegram to His Majesty.

Just came out of shrubbery.

Big doings in garden.

Overheard whole scene but could not understand a word

because wind was against me,

and yet...

Telegram, Your Excellency.

It's from His Majesty.

It's in code.

Zizipoff. - Yes, Your Excellency.

The first word is Darling.

What's it mean?

D...

Da... Da... Darling.

I consider you the greatest idiot in the diplomatic service.

What is the next word, Your Excellency?

Lilac time.

Lilac time.

Adamovitch.

Yes, Your Excellency.

Go to my bedroom.

In the cabinet behind His Majesty's picture,

there's a little brown bottle of poison.

Throw it away. It's a protective measure.

Yes, Your Excellency.

Read it again, slowly.

"I consider you the greatest idiot in the diplomatic service.

A diplomat who does not know

what is going on under his very roof is unfit

to bear the noble name of Popoff.

It is hard to believe that

you are the son of that great statesman, Popoff.

But, Popoff or no Popoff, I consider you the greatest idiot

in the diplomatic service. Now, listen, Popoff!

Danilo gave secret away to Maxim girls.

Secret all over Paris.

Local Marshovian newspapers received information by telegraph.

Opposition papers will print story tomorrow. If widow...

...finds out before marriage; everything lost.

She must be married tonight.

Therefore; Act quickly...

Be brilliant, meet crisis,..

Kill rumors. Admit nothing.

Deny everything. Evade issues.

Face facts. Stand pat.

Something must be done. Do it, do it now!

What are you waiting for?!..." Ahmed.

Do you still like Maxim girls best?

I love you and only you, darling.

Please believe me.

Danilo.

Ask me anything you want.

All my silly questions?

Yes. About tomorrow, about all the days after tomorrow...

Ask me anything, everything.

But please, believe me.

I do believe you because I want to believe you.

Ladies. Ladies and gentlemen.

I have the honor to announce the coming marriage

and the present engagement of that charming Marshovian lady,

Madame Sonia,

and our own Count Danilo, captain of the royal guard.

It's a love match.

How does he know?

How does anyone know except you and me?

Darling.

Captain Danilo,

would you be good enough to come to His Excellency immediately?

Sonia.

Yes, Danilo?

Will you wait here for me?

Of course.

Your Excellency, how dare you make such an announcement.

How dare you!

Do you know to whom you're talking?

To the biggest idiot.

You read the telegram.

What telegram?

Here. Here. Read it. It's unbelievable.

An officer giving away a government secret

to a lot of Maxim girls. All Paris knows it.

Tomorrow, it'll be in all the papers.

If the widow ever finds out that this is a conspiracy,

...that the government sent you here,

...she'll call off the marriage.

And the next thing she'll take her money out of Marshovia,

then where will we be?

You have to marry her tonight.

Act quickly, be brilliant...

Act quickly, be brilliant, meet crisis, deny everything, face facts.

Something must be done!

Do it. Do it now! What are you waiting for?!

Your Excellency. Shut up!

Sonia, you're crying.

I'm crying because I'm happy.

Why shouldn't I be happy?

Sonia.

Yes, Danilo.

There is something, something I must tell you.

Please. Just a moment.

You love me, don't you?

Yes, I do. I do love you.

You don't have to convince me.

I know it, and the Maxim girls.

All Paris, the whole world, everybody knows you love me.

And everybody knows... why.

Well, Captain, go ahead, I'm waiting.

I love to hear you lie.

Have you nothing to say to me?

Nothing, madame, that you would believe.

Goodbye, Captain.

Congratulations.

Ladies and gentlemen.

I wish to correct a misunderstanding.

The announcement of Madame's engagement

has been made without Madame's knowledge or consent.

I am speaking for Madame Sonia

when I say that Madame has never entertained

the slightest thought of such an engagement.

Madame, there is nothing left to be said.

I shall make no attempt to explain.

I know. It's all over.

There's only one thing I want to say before I go.

I loved you, Fifi.

Now, what do you expect me to do?

Fall in your arms?

Marshovia has elected the right man.

You're brilliant, Captain, too brilliant.

Sorry, Captain.

In the name of His Majesty, you're under arrest.

You leave for Marshovia immediately.

Well, gentlemen, shall we dance?

Oh, please, madame.

♪ How wonderful a moment,

for a gay time ♪ ♪ This is Paris and it's playtime ♪

♪ Ev'ry man is a man of sincerity ♪

♪ And if he tells you he loves you ♪ ♪ It's verity ♪

♪ What a thrilling thing to sing, ♪ ♪ The melody of Paris in the spring ♪

High office today! Captain Danilo on trial!

Widow withdraws money from country!

King denies heart attack! King denies heart attack!

Yes, sir! Yes. sir. King denies heart attack!

Widows withdraws money from country!

Keep the change.

Thank you, sir.

What are we going to do?

If the widow doesn't change her mind,

we can close up the country.

Oh, Dolores, Dolores.

Looks like exile to me.

Revolution?

The cannon just announced the opening of the trial.

Thank you, Gabrilovitch.

In the name of His Majesty,

I herewith open the trial of the State of Marshovia versus

Captain Danilo.

Would you be good enough

to remove all the livestock from the court room?

Bring in the prisoner.

Bring in the witnesses and exhibits.

In the name of the State,

I accuse Captain Danilo of high treason, failing his duty.

The state is going to prove that

this man not only is, but always was a menace to Marshovia,

with no respect for the sanctity of the home,

not even stopping at garden walls!

Exhibit Two.

Now, generals of the jury...

I will prove with this exhibit...

- Your Honor, I object.

I object to having this witness called an exhibit.

She's an exhibit!

He's a witness!

- She is not. – He is!

Objection sustained.

From now on, the prosecution

will refer to Exhibit Nr. 2 as Witness Nr. 1.

Your Honor, when I read the charges against Count Danilo,

I realized this case concerns me, so...

I came here from Paris.

May I have the opportunity to testify?

The court appreciates your patriotism, madame.

Please, madame.

Madame, will you tell the generals of the jury,

in your own charming way,

everything you knew about this case.

As I understand it,

you are charging the defendant for neglecting his duty

and being a traitor to his country.

Your Honor, you are accusing an innocent man.

He did everything in his power to be true to Marshovia,

and betrayed me.

Don't put him in jail.

Give him a medal, a monument, set him up as an example.

A Marshovian patriot who stopped at nothing.

He did do his duty.

He used every stratagem, every trick.

He lied, he deceived me.

He played with emotions, romance!

He was willing to break a woman's heart... just as he

was instructed.

Your Honor, may I be permitted to cross-examine the witness?

Granted.

Witness is yours.

So I lied to you.

Yes.

I was playing a game.

Nothing else.

When I danced with you,

I was thinking only of your millions!

And when you took me in your arms

I was following instructions.

Yes!

And when I kissed you.

That's was the biggest lie of all.

That's all I want to know.

I'm guilty.

Guilty of treason, failing in duty, of everything you want.

But most of all, I'm guilty of being a fool.

Once in my life, I lost both my heart and my head.

Therefore, I should be punished without mercy.

Let my fate be a warning to every man. Any man,

who can dance through life with hundreds of women,

and is willing to walk through life with one, should be hanged.

The widow.

Something must have happened to the widow.

What? What? What?

She wants to go to jail because of Captain Danilo.

I think... - Quiet!

Gamčesky, Raznikov.

Yes, Your Majesty.

My horse.

Yes, Your Majesty.

Are you a friend of the captain, madame?

Not exactly.

A relative?

No.

But you knew him before, didn't you?

Oh, yes.

Well, you wouldn't recognize him now.

He's a changed man.

Did you hear the story about the warden's daughter?

No.

Well, last night, the warden's daughter

brought his supper personally into his cell.

And what happened.

Nothing.

I'm telling you, he's a changed man.

Well, here we are.

Why, he isn't here.

It looks that way.

Well, don't worry about it.

He always comes back.

Just make yourself comfortable.

Danilo.

He's not here.

When do you expect him back?

I don't know.

Well, anyhow, tell him

there's a big party going on in the women's ward.

I'm sorry. I was chased by a mouse.

From your estate all the way here to the prison...

What a mouse.

You don't think I came here

To see me? No.

Yes, I came to see you and to deliver you one message.

Tonight, there's a party going on in the women's ward. Goodbye.

Your Majesty, not even Napoleon could have thought of this.

Thank you.

The plan can't fail.

They can't get out, that's what they're in for.

Now, put ourselves in their place.

We both had a quarrel and now we're locked in.

At first, we don't talk at all...

Then I tell you what I think of you, and then you tell me

what you think of me.

Oh, no, Your Majesty, no. I wouldn't dare.

That's right.

Well anyhow, we're in the cell.

We can't quarrel all night and as time passes,

I begin to realize that after all you are a woman.

And above all, I begin to realize that you're a man.

Right. And still more, you're a gorgeous woman.

And as for me,

You're wonderful, Your Majesty.

Thank you.

That's Marshovia.

The prisoners go to parties, and innocent people can't get out.

Oh, you're not so innocent.

- What? You did the whole thing.

Did what?

You bribed the jailer to lock you in here with me.

I have to apologize, you didn't bribe the jailer.

It's a conspiracy.

Against both of us.

They want us to fall for each other.

We are trapped!

Oh. But this is terrible.

What are we going to do?

Oh, now, darling... Pardon me.

Let's calm down.

Let's keep cool. I have it.

Let's fool them. Let's not fall for each other.

That should be easy.

- Very! Why should two people who hate each other

- Love each other.

Right. Well then, let's not do it.

We won't.

Let's drink to that.

May our hearts remain as cold as the champagne.

Could be a little bit cooler.

Oh, please.

Any man who can dance through life with hundreds of women...

and is willing to walk through life with one... should be...

Married.

Captain Danilo, do you take...

Yes, certainly.

Of course.

The End