All language subtitles for Two.and.a.half.men.S02E24.720p.WEB-DL.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil) Download
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American) Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:01,806 --> 00:00:04,303 That was very nice, Mindy. 2 00:00:04,482 --> 00:00:05,814 Okay. 3 00:00:05,988 --> 00:00:08,200 Jake, we're ready to hear your report. 4 00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:12,717 - Jake? - Just a sec. 5 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,095 Now, Jake. 6 00:00:15,856 --> 00:00:19,615 Okay, I'm finished. 7 00:00:21,251 --> 00:00:24,925 - Does spelling and grammar count? - It's an oral report, Jake. 8 00:00:25,098 --> 00:00:27,096 Oh, so it's like an oral thermometer. 9 00:00:27,272 --> 00:00:28,604 Right. 10 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,361 Good thing it's not a rectal report. 11 00:00:33,127 --> 00:00:35,624 - Just read it. - Okay. 12 00:00:36,221 --> 00:00:38,516 "My Weekend, by Jake Harper. 13 00:00:38,688 --> 00:00:40,770 Grade five, Mrs. Flanigan's class. 14 00:00:40,946 --> 00:00:43,955 Woodward Avenue Elementary School, located on Woodward Avenue." 15 00:00:44,124 --> 00:00:45,539 I'm not counting words. 16 00:00:46,048 --> 00:00:48,379 Oh, good. 17 00:00:51,860 --> 00:00:55,404 "My weekend starts on Friday, when my mom takes me to my dad's house. 18 00:00:55,582 --> 00:00:57,627 Which is actually my Uncle Charlie's house. 19 00:00:57,798 --> 00:00:59,927 Who is my dad's brother, making him my uncle. 20 00:01:00,098 --> 00:01:03,191 His name is Charlie, which is why I call him my Uncle Charlie." 21 00:01:05,660 --> 00:01:07,456 Anyway... 22 00:01:07,625 --> 00:01:10,468 "Even though my parents are divorced, they still get along." 23 00:01:10,636 --> 00:01:11,837 - Hey, buddy. - Hey, Dad. 24 00:01:12,016 --> 00:01:13,562 - How was your week? - Just fine. 25 00:01:13,730 --> 00:01:15,062 - Bye, honey. - Bye, Mom. 26 00:01:15,236 --> 00:01:17,733 - Thanks for bringing him. - Bite me. What the hell... 27 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:20,492 ...went on last weekend? - What are you talking about? 28 00:01:20,672 --> 00:01:23,597 When I brought him home Sunday night and served him dinner... 29 00:01:23,766 --> 00:01:26,478 ...he tipped me with a $25 chip from Caesars Palace... 30 00:01:26,652 --> 00:01:29,494 ...and told me I had a nice rack. 31 00:01:30,708 --> 00:01:33,633 Well, Judith... 32 00:01:38,778 --> 00:01:40,657 ...you do. 33 00:01:40,827 --> 00:01:42,659 That's not the point. 34 00:01:42,835 --> 00:01:45,677 Where'd he get the chip? Where is he learning this behavior? 35 00:01:45,845 --> 00:01:47,927 Hey, Judith. 36 00:01:48,731 --> 00:01:50,776 Looking good. 37 00:01:51,365 --> 00:01:54,707 Run away, run away. 38 00:01:54,878 --> 00:01:57,839 Did you give my son a $25 chip? 39 00:01:58,014 --> 00:02:00,594 - No, I did not give him a $25 chip. - Happy? 40 00:02:00,774 --> 00:02:03,736 He won it, fair and square. 41 00:02:04,412 --> 00:02:06,410 You couldn't run away. 42 00:02:06,586 --> 00:02:08,418 I don't care what you do on weekdays. 43 00:02:08,594 --> 00:02:12,054 But on weekends, remember you are a role model for an 11 -year-old boy. 44 00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:15,990 Oh, that's a bad idea. Who thought of that? 45 00:02:16,162 --> 00:02:20,385 I'm warning you. Things had better change or there will be consequences. 46 00:02:20,553 --> 00:02:23,133 Legal consequences. Got it? 47 00:02:23,731 --> 00:02:26,062 - Got it. - Goodbye. 48 00:02:30,882 --> 00:02:34,592 "There will be serious consequences. 49 00:02:34,771 --> 00:02:37,815 Legal consequences." 50 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:41,415 "I don't care what you do during the week. 51 00:02:42,214 --> 00:02:45,057 But on the weekends, you're a role model." 52 00:02:46,605 --> 00:02:48,234 I enjoy talking this way. 53 00:02:50,536 --> 00:02:52,533 As do I. 54 00:03:19,514 --> 00:03:21,061 "Friday night, I stayed up late. 55 00:03:21,229 --> 00:03:23,726 I watched all three Austin Power movies with my dad. 56 00:03:23,905 --> 00:03:25,867 We ate Chinese food and Buffalo wings. 57 00:03:26,038 --> 00:03:28,416 Dad fell asleep during The Spy Who Shagged Me... 58 00:03:28,589 --> 00:03:31,681 ...which, in my opinion, is the strongest of the trilogy. 59 00:03:32,687 --> 00:03:35,100 By the way, 'shag' means 'sex' in England." 60 00:03:35,656 --> 00:03:37,452 Just read, Jake. 61 00:03:37,955 --> 00:03:39,287 That was a footnote. 62 00:03:39,837 --> 00:03:43,096 - Read. - Okay. 63 00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:45,228 "I woke up later with a stomachache... 64 00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:48,027 ...but felt better after I went to the bathroom." 65 00:03:48,201 --> 00:03:49,615 If you know what I mean. 66 00:03:51,295 --> 00:03:53,007 - Jake. - What? It's not like I said: 67 00:03:53,177 --> 00:03:54,758 "I took a dump." 68 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:03,122 "Anyway, I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn 't. 69 00:04:03,296 --> 00:04:04,925 Probably because I was thirsty. 70 00:04:05,094 --> 00:04:09,233 So I went into the kitchen for what Uncle Charlie calls a 'virgin screwdriver. ' 71 00:04:09,401 --> 00:04:11,649 But really it's just a glass of orange juice. 72 00:04:11,827 --> 00:04:15,585 It was late, so I decided to skip the glass." 73 00:04:22,406 --> 00:04:24,035 Jake? 74 00:04:25,166 --> 00:04:27,295 Hang on. 75 00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:31,605 That one hurt a little. 76 00:04:32,526 --> 00:04:34,857 - What you doing? - Having a virgin screwdriver. 77 00:04:35,035 --> 00:04:37,747 - Want some? - No, thanks. I'm good. 78 00:04:38,798 --> 00:04:41,926 - What are you doing? - Watching TV. 79 00:04:42,646 --> 00:04:44,560 Why isn't it on? 80 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:47,278 Because I've seen this one already. 81 00:04:48,918 --> 00:04:51,130 - Hey, you wanna hear a funny joke? - Sure. 82 00:04:51,302 --> 00:04:53,383 Why did the blond stare at the juice carton? 83 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:54,594 I don't know. Why? 84 00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:56,984 "Cause the carton said 'concentrate.'" 85 00:05:01,045 --> 00:05:02,876 That's okay. I didn't get it either. 86 00:05:04,056 --> 00:05:06,434 "The next morning I was pretty hungry because..." 87 00:05:07,025 --> 00:05:08,404 I think you all know why. 88 00:05:12,084 --> 00:05:15,628 "So I had a bowl of cereal with my dad, and we made plans for the day." 89 00:05:16,768 --> 00:05:19,777 - You wanna go to the museum? - No. I wanna watch TV. 90 00:05:20,490 --> 00:05:22,737 It's pretty windy out there. Wanna fly a kite? 91 00:05:22,915 --> 00:05:24,960 No. I wanna watch TV. 92 00:05:26,218 --> 00:05:27,931 - Hiking? - TV. 93 00:05:40,938 --> 00:05:42,436 - I'll get it. - TV. 94 00:05:45,496 --> 00:05:47,410 "We decided to watch TV." 95 00:05:50,012 --> 00:05:52,806 - Hello. - Is your name Harper? 96 00:05:52,981 --> 00:05:55,859 - Yes. - Then this is for you. 97 00:05:59,755 --> 00:06:03,216 - Why'd you do that? - Why did you sleep with my wife? 98 00:06:05,317 --> 00:06:07,564 Charlie. 99 00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:13,679 Busy. 100 00:06:13,847 --> 00:06:16,856 I don't care. Open the door. 101 00:06:18,740 --> 00:06:20,785 - I've got company. - I know. 102 00:06:20,956 --> 00:06:23,038 And her husband's downstairs. 103 00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:25,678 Really? 104 00:06:25,849 --> 00:06:27,561 - You're married? - Yeah. 105 00:06:31,118 --> 00:06:33,115 I'm not in. 106 00:06:33,836 --> 00:06:35,584 You have to come and deal with him. 107 00:06:35,801 --> 00:06:37,347 - No, I don't. - Yes, you do. 108 00:06:37,557 --> 00:06:39,055 I disagree. 109 00:06:39,230 --> 00:06:41,478 It's not up for debate. He knows you're here. 110 00:06:42,324 --> 00:06:44,239 Oh, man, I hate when this happens. 111 00:06:45,126 --> 00:06:46,505 This happens a lot? 112 00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:48,755 Not a lot, but enough to be a drag. 113 00:06:50,730 --> 00:06:53,061 Charlie, are you coming back to bed? 114 00:06:53,615 --> 00:06:55,113 - Yes. - Yes? No "yes." 115 00:06:55,288 --> 00:06:57,452 There is an angry husband in your living room. 116 00:06:57,629 --> 00:06:59,461 How angry? 117 00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:01,599 - Is he packing? - What? 118 00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:03,898 - Does he have a weapon? - L... He has a stick. 119 00:07:04,445 --> 00:07:06,990 That's not good. I could lose an eye. 120 00:07:07,163 --> 00:07:09,376 - Charlie! Come on. - Fine, I'll wrap it up here. 121 00:07:09,547 --> 00:07:11,628 - Give me 20 minutes. - Oh, no. 122 00:07:11,805 --> 00:07:13,303 A better idea. Wrap it up now. 123 00:07:15,150 --> 00:07:16,648 - Ten minutes? - Now. 124 00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,452 We got five minutes. 125 00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:26,220 "The weekend was going great, but then something really bad happened." 126 00:07:26,399 --> 00:07:28,944 - Hey. - Hello. 127 00:07:29,117 --> 00:07:31,876 - Who are you? - I'm Norman. 128 00:07:32,044 --> 00:07:35,505 I'm Jake. Have you seen my Game Boy? 129 00:07:35,682 --> 00:07:38,525 No. Have you seen my wife? 130 00:07:39,488 --> 00:07:42,032 No. Well, if you see it, let me know. 131 00:07:42,206 --> 00:07:43,537 Ditto. 132 00:07:46,387 --> 00:07:47,719 "I couldn 't believe it. 133 00:07:48,311 --> 00:07:49,725 I lost my Game Boy." 134 00:07:56,549 --> 00:07:59,474 "I couldn't find my Game Boy in the kitchen or living room... 135 00:07:59,643 --> 00:08:01,725 ...so I checked my bedroom and my bathroom. 136 00:08:01,901 --> 00:08:06,159 Because, as you may recall, I'd spent a lot of time in there the night before." 137 00:08:13,359 --> 00:08:16,534 - He'll be right down. - Thank you. 138 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,485 Can I get you a cup of coffee? 139 00:08:27,535 --> 00:08:30,115 Decaf. I'm already pretty enraged. 140 00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:35,521 Well, that's certainly understandable. 141 00:08:37,738 --> 00:08:39,402 I have cookies too. 142 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:45,222 - I wouldn't say no to a cookie. - Good. Come on in the kitchen. 143 00:08:45,390 --> 00:08:48,565 I always find a nice cookie can brighten up even the darkest day. 144 00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:51,316 Yeah, well, this better be one hell of a cookie. 145 00:08:52,917 --> 00:08:55,497 - It's a nice house you got here. - Oh, thank you. 146 00:08:55,677 --> 00:08:57,009 Actually, it belongs to my... 147 00:08:59,064 --> 00:09:01,109 You live in the neighborhood? 148 00:09:03,079 --> 00:09:05,755 - Bel-Air. - Oh, that's nice too. 149 00:09:05,922 --> 00:09:09,015 Gated community, but the wife gets out anyway. 150 00:09:12,404 --> 00:09:13,902 Chews through her leash, huh? 151 00:09:16,711 --> 00:09:19,042 Hey, let me get you that cookie. 152 00:09:19,220 --> 00:09:22,514 You see like a nice fella. I'm sorry I hit you with my stick. 153 00:09:22,691 --> 00:09:24,985 Oh, that's okay. I'm sorry my brother is... 154 00:09:26,872 --> 00:09:29,286 That's okay. 155 00:09:29,465 --> 00:09:31,629 So women, huh? 156 00:09:32,141 --> 00:09:33,937 Can't live with them. 157 00:09:36,950 --> 00:09:38,782 That's all I got. 158 00:09:38,957 --> 00:09:40,955 - You married? - Divorced. 159 00:09:41,132 --> 00:09:44,343 - She sleep around? - No, mostly just slept. 160 00:09:45,941 --> 00:09:47,273 You're lucky. 161 00:09:47,446 --> 00:09:51,371 There's no pain greater than being betrayed by the woman you love. 162 00:09:51,544 --> 00:09:54,719 You know, these are really very tasty. 163 00:09:55,433 --> 00:09:57,062 Aren't they? 164 00:09:57,231 --> 00:10:00,740 - Good morning. - Oh, speaking of tasty cookies... 165 00:10:00,911 --> 00:10:03,455 ...Norman, this is Berta. 166 00:10:03,629 --> 00:10:06,127 - Hello. - What is this, a fix-up? 167 00:10:09,232 --> 00:10:11,527 No, no. Nothing like that. 168 00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:13,744 That's good, because I'd probably kill him. 169 00:10:17,596 --> 00:10:20,724 Nothing personal, Cotton Top. I just kind of like it rough. 170 00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:29,628 - Have another cookie. - Thank you. 171 00:10:29,806 --> 00:10:32,268 So is anybody gonna tell me what's going on? 172 00:10:32,441 --> 00:10:34,438 Well, it's a little complicated. 173 00:10:34,615 --> 00:10:36,613 - Charlie... - Got it. 174 00:10:37,919 --> 00:10:39,333 Got it? How could you get it? 175 00:10:40,218 --> 00:10:42,930 There's a Rolls-Royce in the driveway... 176 00:10:43,104 --> 00:10:46,648 ...and I found these hanging on the mailbox... 177 00:10:46,825 --> 00:10:50,000 ...so I'm guessing that your brother's got some bimbo upstairs... 178 00:10:50,171 --> 00:10:52,633 ...and Norman here is her daddy or her sugar daddy. 179 00:10:53,725 --> 00:10:55,854 - Tell me I'm wrong. - I'm the husband. 180 00:10:56,025 --> 00:10:57,488 Judges? 181 00:11:00,332 --> 00:11:04,210 - You gotta give it to her. - Yes. 182 00:11:04,388 --> 00:11:06,720 - I mean, tough break. - Thank you. 183 00:11:06,897 --> 00:11:08,942 - You got a gun? - No! 184 00:11:09,490 --> 00:11:10,822 - Want one? - Berta! 185 00:11:12,752 --> 00:11:14,333 I'm making small talk. 186 00:11:16,641 --> 00:11:17,972 Okay. 187 00:11:18,146 --> 00:11:20,477 You wanna talk this out like gentlemen, or you...? 188 00:11:23,624 --> 00:11:25,872 You might've mentioned he fought at the Alamo. 189 00:11:29,562 --> 00:11:32,487 - No offense. - None taken. 190 00:11:35,124 --> 00:11:37,371 - Does that make us even? - You tell me. 191 00:11:38,552 --> 00:11:40,181 Okay. One more. 192 00:11:43,905 --> 00:11:45,237 How about that? 193 00:11:45,410 --> 00:11:48,919 - He poked you, you poked his... - Berta! 194 00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:52,853 What? How often do you see that kind of symmetry in life? 195 00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,305 Hey. 196 00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:06,981 Hello. 197 00:12:07,155 --> 00:12:09,069 Were you just up in Uncle Charlie's room? 198 00:12:09,246 --> 00:12:11,244 - Yeah. - Did you see my Game Boy? 199 00:12:11,420 --> 00:12:12,454 No. 200 00:12:12,633 --> 00:12:14,631 - Did you see my husband? - The old guy? 201 00:12:14,807 --> 00:12:16,472 - Yeah. - He's in the kitchen. 202 00:12:16,647 --> 00:12:19,359 Thanks. 203 00:12:21,331 --> 00:12:23,293 Well, that's weird. 204 00:12:23,463 --> 00:12:25,675 If I was a Game Boy, where would I be? 205 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:31,230 I am so sorry. I had no idea that she was married. 206 00:12:31,409 --> 00:12:34,620 I have a firm rule when it comes to sleeping with married women. 207 00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:37,721 Yeah, if she's firm enough, he'll do her. 208 00:12:42,532 --> 00:12:44,826 Sorry. Isn't there something you could clean? 209 00:12:44,999 --> 00:12:48,174 I'm guessing you could use a good scrubbing. 210 00:12:50,310 --> 00:12:52,307 Wait a minute. 211 00:12:53,613 --> 00:12:56,705 "And suddenly I realized... 212 00:12:56,875 --> 00:12:59,455 ...I might have left it in my mom's car." 213 00:12:59,635 --> 00:13:02,810 Hey, Mom, did I leave my Game Boy in your car? 214 00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:04,812 Well, can you go look? 215 00:13:04,987 --> 00:13:07,151 Can't you just dry off and put on a robe? 216 00:13:07,622 --> 00:13:09,916 There's another $25 chip in it for you. 217 00:13:12,431 --> 00:13:15,356 She wasn't wearing a ring. There was no mention of a husband. 218 00:13:15,525 --> 00:13:17,487 Is that supposed to cheer me up? 219 00:13:17,658 --> 00:13:21,250 - No, no, no. I just wanted you to know... - Now, now. I get it. 220 00:13:21,421 --> 00:13:25,049 You're a nice guy, and I married a skeevy tramp. 221 00:13:25,226 --> 00:13:28,401 No, no, no. I mean, yeah, I am a nice guy... 222 00:13:28,572 --> 00:13:30,653 ...but I'm sure Annette is a lovely woman. 223 00:13:30,830 --> 00:13:33,077 Her name is Natalie. 224 00:13:33,673 --> 00:13:37,383 - Really? You sure? - Yes, I'm sure. 225 00:13:37,562 --> 00:13:40,524 Because I've been yelling "Annette" all night. 226 00:13:40,698 --> 00:13:43,493 Her name is Natalie. 227 00:13:43,667 --> 00:13:46,510 Well, then maybe this is all just a huge misunderstanding... 228 00:13:46,678 --> 00:13:49,722 ...and I've been upstairs doing someone else's wife. 229 00:13:49,898 --> 00:13:54,489 Five-foot six, long brown hair, butterfly tattoo on her left hip. 230 00:13:55,083 --> 00:13:57,331 Left hip, huh? 231 00:14:03,948 --> 00:14:07,207 Hold on now. A lot of women have butterfly tattoos. 232 00:14:08,506 --> 00:14:12,515 But the one I slept with also had a little beauty mark in a certain intimate place. 233 00:14:12,688 --> 00:14:14,686 I'm not here to claim a lost wallet. 234 00:14:17,079 --> 00:14:21,087 Okay, let's just assume it's her. Again, I am really sorry. 235 00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:24,019 It's my own fault anyway. 236 00:14:24,188 --> 00:14:26,435 I should've realized back when I married her... 237 00:14:26,613 --> 00:14:29,575 ...a man my age couldn't satisfy a woman that young. 238 00:14:29,749 --> 00:14:33,341 If it makes you feel any better, I couldn't ring her bell, either. 239 00:14:33,513 --> 00:14:35,975 - You couldn't? - You don't know me... 240 00:14:36,147 --> 00:14:38,061 ...but there's things I don't kid about. 241 00:14:38,991 --> 00:14:41,488 So it's not just me. 242 00:14:41,667 --> 00:14:43,046 - That's a relief. - Tell me... 243 00:14:43,214 --> 00:14:45,212 ...about it. I was killing myself up there. 244 00:14:46,392 --> 00:14:47,724 So anyway... 245 00:14:47,898 --> 00:14:49,229 ...are we okay? 246 00:14:49,403 --> 00:14:52,412 You mean, aside from the fact that you just rolled off my wife? 247 00:14:52,581 --> 00:14:55,340 Oh, yeah. We're aces. 248 00:14:56,846 --> 00:14:59,260 Good. Thank you. 249 00:14:59,606 --> 00:15:03,031 - Can I give you a little advice, kid? - Sure. 250 00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:05,534 I was a player once, like you. 251 00:15:05,711 --> 00:15:07,924 Do tell. 252 00:15:08,095 --> 00:15:12,055 Does the name Tuesday Weld mean anything to you? 253 00:15:13,238 --> 00:15:15,034 No. 254 00:15:15,622 --> 00:15:17,370 Joey Heatherton? 255 00:15:17,545 --> 00:15:19,092 No. 256 00:15:20,013 --> 00:15:23,105 The immortal Miss Anne Francis. 257 00:15:25,156 --> 00:15:27,285 TV's Honey West. 258 00:15:29,212 --> 00:15:32,055 - Sorry. - Well, look them up on your Internet. 259 00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,803 They were all hot, and I nailed them. 260 00:15:37,283 --> 00:15:40,375 Really. Well, kudos. 261 00:15:41,715 --> 00:15:43,760 But nothing lasts forever. 262 00:15:43,932 --> 00:15:47,309 There's going to come a time when you'll wanna settle down. 263 00:15:47,486 --> 00:15:50,162 And I only hope you don't make the same mistake I did. 264 00:15:50,330 --> 00:15:51,792 I picked a young hottie... 265 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,588 ...because I figured I'd die in the sack with a smile on my face. 266 00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:58,728 That's my retirement plan. 267 00:15:58,902 --> 00:16:01,197 But it doesn't work that way. 268 00:16:01,369 --> 00:16:03,949 What happens is... 269 00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:06,837 ...you get your heart broken... 270 00:16:07,014 --> 00:16:09,428 ...and you wind up having coffee with some putz... 271 00:16:09,607 --> 00:16:11,569 ...who never heard of Honey West. 272 00:16:14,165 --> 00:16:15,794 Got it. 273 00:16:15,963 --> 00:16:17,378 Thanks for the advice. 274 00:16:18,012 --> 00:16:19,641 Well, I'll be getting home now. 275 00:16:19,810 --> 00:16:23,235 I got lawyers to call, locks to change. 276 00:16:23,406 --> 00:16:26,451 Maybe I'll stop at the market, pick up some of those cookies. 277 00:16:26,626 --> 00:16:29,551 - Here. Take the box. - Oh, thanks. 278 00:16:29,721 --> 00:16:32,682 Looks like I'm the big winner around here today. 279 00:16:37,499 --> 00:16:41,376 - Hello? Anybody home? - Hello. 280 00:16:42,893 --> 00:16:45,271 - Hello. Who are you? - Norman. 281 00:16:45,444 --> 00:16:47,822 Oh, hello, Norman. I'm Evelyn. 282 00:16:48,538 --> 00:16:51,118 Is that your magnificent Rolls-Royce out in the drive? 283 00:16:51,298 --> 00:16:52,844 Why, yes, it is. 284 00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:55,177 - Are you a friend of Charlie's? - No. 285 00:16:55,354 --> 00:16:57,602 But my wife is. 286 00:16:58,491 --> 00:17:01,999 Did my son polish your trophy wife? 287 00:17:04,428 --> 00:17:06,592 Well, you seem like a very intelligent man. 288 00:17:06,770 --> 00:17:08,768 I assume you had an airtight prenup. 289 00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,276 Bulletproof. 290 00:17:10,450 --> 00:17:12,162 You know what, Norman? 291 00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:15,376 You look a lot like my fifth husband. 292 00:17:15,552 --> 00:17:19,012 Really? How many times you been married? 293 00:17:19,190 --> 00:17:21,271 Four. 294 00:17:23,748 --> 00:17:26,079 Cookie? 295 00:17:26,257 --> 00:17:29,468 "When Grandma came over, I thought things couldn't get any worse. 296 00:17:29,644 --> 00:17:31,308 But instead of making me visit... 297 00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:34,909 ...she gave my dad money to take me, my uncle and Berta to the movies. 298 00:17:35,373 --> 00:17:38,215 We saw the Rob Schneider movie where he plays a stupid guy. 299 00:17:38,383 --> 00:17:41,392 I had popcorn, nachos and two jumbo red Slurpees. 300 00:17:41,562 --> 00:17:44,356 But as you know, you don't buy Slurpees. You rent them." 301 00:17:48,879 --> 00:17:51,638 - Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. - Cool your jets. 302 00:17:51,807 --> 00:17:54,685 And if you can't cool them, point the nozzle away from me. 303 00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:58,662 Oh, God. Mom! 304 00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:01,422 - We can't go in right now. - Why not? 305 00:18:01,592 --> 00:18:05,219 Because I can't afford to send you to therapy for the rest of your life. 306 00:18:05,397 --> 00:18:07,692 What's going on? 307 00:18:07,864 --> 00:18:11,372 - Oh, God! - What? What, what, what? 308 00:18:11,544 --> 00:18:15,386 Good for Norman. That's getting right back on the horse. 309 00:18:15,558 --> 00:18:18,651 - There's a horse in there? - No, no. No horse. 310 00:18:18,820 --> 00:18:22,114 - Well, I still have to pee. - So go water that bush over there. 311 00:18:22,291 --> 00:18:24,419 "And so I did. And it just goes to show... 312 00:18:25,009 --> 00:18:27,256 ...it's always in the last place you look." 313 00:18:27,769 --> 00:18:29,481 Very nice, Jake. 314 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,982 "Then on Sunday, we all went out for breakfast... 315 00:18:32,159 --> 00:18:33,741 ...with Grandma and Uncle Norman. 316 00:18:33,916 --> 00:18:37,543 I had chocolate-chip pancakes with blueberry syrup and bacon. 317 00:18:37,721 --> 00:18:40,683 Dad had scrambled eggs but with no yolks. Just the whites. 318 00:18:40,857 --> 00:18:42,820 They looked like mashed potatoes. 319 00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:47,545 Then the kid next to us threw up his waffles. It was awesome." 320 00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:51,686 - So, what's new in school? - Almost got an A on my paper. 321 00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:53,729 What do you mean "almost"? 322 00:18:54,239 --> 00:18:55,951 Got a C. 323 00:18:58,629 --> 00:19:01,043 Okay, that's... That's fine. That's an improvement. 324 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,554 Minus. 325 00:19:03,731 --> 00:19:05,395 Still, here's your dollar. 326 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,241 You're paying him for a C-minus? 327 00:19:09,418 --> 00:19:13,010 That was our deal. A buck for every C, a car for every A. 328 00:19:14,394 --> 00:19:16,725 - A car? - Safest bet in the world. 329 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:21,660 - So, what was the report about? - What we did last weekend. 330 00:19:25,810 --> 00:19:28,569 - No kidding? - Yeah. And guess what else happened. 331 00:19:28,737 --> 00:19:31,865 Trevor Griffin saw a ginormous rat in the cafeteria. 332 00:19:32,041 --> 00:19:34,835 Yeah, but about the paper. 333 00:19:35,010 --> 00:19:38,138 You wrote about everything that happened here last weekend? 334 00:19:39,108 --> 00:19:41,819 Well, everything but the boring stuff. 335 00:19:41,993 --> 00:19:44,491 Oh, this could be problematic. 336 00:19:44,669 --> 00:19:47,167 No, it's called "summarizing." 337 00:19:52,154 --> 00:19:54,152 - Can I see it? - Sure. 338 00:19:54,329 --> 00:19:58,420 But it's at Mom's house. I gave it to her to read this weekend. 339 00:20:01,229 --> 00:20:03,560 He's 11. There's no way it stands up in court. 340 00:20:07,292 --> 00:20:09,920 Does this smell funny to you? 25836

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.