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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
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- Hey, how do I look?
- Incredible.
2
00:00:10,945 --> 00:00:14,451
All men want to be you,
all women want to be with you.
3
00:00:15,374 --> 00:00:17,667
Could you at least look at me
before you answer?
4
00:00:19,511 --> 00:00:21,389
I stand corrected.
5
00:00:22,938 --> 00:00:24,601
All men want to be with you...
6
00:00:24,777 --> 00:00:28,033
Charlie, come on.
I'm really nervous here.
7
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This is my first real date since college.
8
00:00:33,260 --> 00:00:35,802
- What the hell is this?
- Bourbon.
9
00:00:36,561 --> 00:00:41,030
- You drink bourbon while you work out?
- Gin makes me sweat.
10
00:00:42,578 --> 00:00:45,502
Look, don't turn this into a bigger deal
than it needs to be.
11
00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:49,011
- You met a woman, you asked her out...
- Technically, she asked me out.
12
00:00:49,181 --> 00:00:52,437
See, I was in the market, and she
needed advice on picking out corn.
13
00:00:52,608 --> 00:00:54,901
There were no employees around.
There never are.
14
00:00:55,073 --> 00:00:58,033
Even if they are, they're not
knowledgeable about produce.
15
00:00:58,207 --> 00:01:02,295
- Thank God you were there.
- Tell me about it.
16
00:01:02,470 --> 00:01:04,799
I explained that you have to
husk a few ears...
17
00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:07,223
...to check the firmness
of the kernels.
18
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,231
Next thing you know,
she asked me out.
19
00:01:09,407 --> 00:01:13,709
Well, I guess that's why they say no one
gets more action than a greengrocer.
20
00:01:13,878 --> 00:01:16,208
- They say that?
- No.
21
00:01:17,848 --> 00:01:19,761
The point is, it's just dinner.
22
00:01:19,937 --> 00:01:23,147
You'll go, you'll bore her to death,
you'll come home.
23
00:01:23,322 --> 00:01:26,079
Yeah, I know, but I wanna look good
while I'm doing it.
24
00:01:26,247 --> 00:01:28,410
You look fine. Just relax. Be yourself.
25
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,549
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
26
00:01:30,719 --> 00:01:34,724
- You think I should bring some condoms?
- Why?
27
00:01:34,898 --> 00:01:37,572
Well, I see the
public service commercials...
28
00:01:37,739 --> 00:01:39,569
Yeah, you're right. See you later.
29
00:01:44,425 --> 00:01:46,386
Feel the burn.
30
00:02:15,056 --> 00:02:16,387
I think it's going well.
31
00:02:28,679 --> 00:02:33,516
My God, Alan. You're like a machine.
32
00:02:33,694 --> 00:02:39,125
I'm a love shark, baby.
If I stop making love, I drown.
33
00:02:40,505 --> 00:02:43,048
Okay, okay, okay.
Wait a sec, wait a sec:
34
00:02:45,478 --> 00:02:47,605
Sharks don't growl.
35
00:02:47,777 --> 00:02:52,079
All right, I'm a love bear.
36
00:02:52,248 --> 00:02:55,920
If I stop making love,
I prevent forest fires.
37
00:02:56,928 --> 00:02:58,342
Jeez.
38
00:02:58,516 --> 00:03:01,095
- Alan.
- Put that out.
39
00:03:08,838 --> 00:03:11,416
- Morning.
- Morning.
40
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,972
I see you've been working out again.
41
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,907
Yeah, well, it's good for my heart.
42
00:03:20,079 --> 00:03:23,086
I figure the liver damage
makes it kind of a push.
43
00:03:23,255 --> 00:03:24,836
Morning, all.
44
00:03:25,010 --> 00:03:27,090
- Morning.
- Morning.
45
00:03:46,531 --> 00:03:48,408
Thirsty.
46
00:03:49,874 --> 00:03:51,705
Alan.
47
00:03:54,304 --> 00:03:59,141
Well, gadzooks,
Zippy's getting his freak on.
48
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,373
Yeah, it seems we're living
in an age of miracles.
49
00:04:04,542 --> 00:04:06,669
I guess if they can put
a man on the moon...
50
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:08,718
...they can put a woman
on your brother.
51
00:04:10,894 --> 00:04:13,104
- Who's the girl?
- I don't know.
52
00:04:13,276 --> 00:04:16,734
He met her at the supermarket.
Helped her pick out corn.
53
00:04:16,911 --> 00:04:19,324
Corn?
54
00:04:20,004 --> 00:04:24,140
Well, I'm not in any position to judge.
I once did a guy for a tank of gas.
55
00:04:47,793 --> 00:04:51,501
- Hey, Alan? Alan?
- Yeah?
56
00:04:51,679 --> 00:04:53,592
- What you got there?
- Basting brush...
57
00:04:53,769 --> 00:04:59,022
...chocolate sauce, rubber gloves. You
know what we're gonna use them for?
58
00:04:59,536 --> 00:05:02,911
- No.
- Neither do I.
59
00:05:03,714 --> 00:05:07,767
Charlie, I have never had sex
like this before in my life.
60
00:05:07,935 --> 00:05:12,570
In fact, I don't think anything I've had
prior to this can even be called sex.
61
00:05:12,741 --> 00:05:16,532
Because if you call that sex,
we need a new name for this.
62
00:05:16,711 --> 00:05:21,381
My suggestion would be
"hootenanny yum-yum."
63
00:05:22,310 --> 00:05:24,603
I'm happy for you.
64
00:05:24,776 --> 00:05:28,448
Me too. Oh, do we have a step stool?
65
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,496
- Hallway closet.
- Thank you.
66
00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:35,673
- You might wanna pace yourself.
- Yeah, right.
67
00:05:43,497 --> 00:05:45,160
Oh, boy.
68
00:05:45,336 --> 00:05:49,424
- What?
- Oh, boy.
69
00:05:49,598 --> 00:05:50,929
Can I watch TV?
70
00:05:51,102 --> 00:05:53,859
I don't see why not.
You got eyes and a butt.
71
00:05:55,908 --> 00:05:57,571
Where's Alan?
72
00:05:58,248 --> 00:06:01,208
- He's here.
- Well, may I speak with him?
73
00:06:05,979 --> 00:06:07,393
Sure, why not.
74
00:06:10,994 --> 00:06:12,824
Okay, okay. Wait a sec.
75
00:06:13,250 --> 00:06:16,756
- Ta-da!
- Yes!
76
00:06:22,903 --> 00:06:24,864
Not a good time, Charlie.
77
00:06:25,035 --> 00:06:28,742
Well, I thought you might like to know
that your ex-wife and son are here.
78
00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:30,964
She's supposed to bring him on Friday.
79
00:06:31,136 --> 00:06:32,966
It is Friday.
80
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:35,689
But not until 5.
81
00:06:35,858 --> 00:06:38,020
It is 5.
82
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,194
Okay, cover for me. I'll be right out.
83
00:06:40,371 --> 00:06:41,785
- Alan.
- Yeah?
84
00:06:41,959 --> 00:06:44,585
You might wanna take off
the rubber glove first.
85
00:06:44,759 --> 00:06:46,554
Good thinking.
86
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:53,618
- He'll be right out.
- Thank you.
87
00:06:53,785 --> 00:06:55,615
So...
88
00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:01,217
...how are you?
89
00:07:01,391 --> 00:07:03,303
What's going on in there?
90
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:09,446
Alan's moving furniture around,
because he's constantly redecorating.
91
00:07:09,623 --> 00:07:12,415
Sorry, I was taking a nap.
92
00:07:14,888 --> 00:07:16,171
So... So, what's up?
93
00:07:16,351 --> 00:07:20,273
I wanted to remind you that Jake has his
karate tournament tomorrow morning.
94
00:07:20,446 --> 00:07:23,786
- Okay.
- What's that on your face?
95
00:07:24,792 --> 00:07:29,463
- Just a little chocolate sauce.
- Thank you.
96
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:32,135
Got it, karate tournament,
tomorrow morning.
97
00:07:32,816 --> 00:07:34,146
Alan, what's going on?
98
00:07:35,156 --> 00:07:40,160
What's... What's going on
is I was lying in bed...
99
00:07:40,337 --> 00:07:42,215
...eating a sundae.
100
00:07:44,391 --> 00:07:46,803
- After moving furniture.
- After moving furniture.
101
00:07:46,982 --> 00:07:51,034
And I fell asleep
in some chocolate sauce.
102
00:07:53,125 --> 00:07:55,371
Goodbye, Alan.
103
00:07:58,808 --> 00:08:01,220
- I think she bought it.
- You think?
104
00:08:01,399 --> 00:08:02,944
No.
105
00:08:04,658 --> 00:08:06,655
Why didn't you tell her
you've got a woman?
106
00:08:06,831 --> 00:08:09,124
I don't know. It just seems wrong.
107
00:08:09,297 --> 00:08:12,089
You're divorced.
You have nothing to feel guilty about.
108
00:08:12,264 --> 00:08:15,390
It's not guilt. It's more shame.
109
00:08:15,565 --> 00:08:19,107
- What are you ashamed of?
- Charlie, I spent 12 years with Judith.
110
00:08:19,284 --> 00:08:22,326
We went through a lot together.
You can't just erase all that...
111
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,462
...by lapping chocolate sauce
out of another woman's navel.
112
00:08:26,764 --> 00:08:30,437
Okay, my fault for asking. Now,
what do you wanna do about Jake?
113
00:08:30,609 --> 00:08:34,531
Oh, my God, Jake's here.
I don't want him to know I'm dating.
114
00:08:34,704 --> 00:08:38,876
This is not dating, Alan.
This is rubber gloves and step stools.
115
00:08:40,011 --> 00:08:41,556
All right, all right.
116
00:08:41,725 --> 00:08:44,684
You distract him, and I'll
sneak Nancy out and drive her home.
117
00:08:44,859 --> 00:08:47,069
- Fine.
- Okay.
118
00:08:48,202 --> 00:08:53,087
Wrong. This is just wrong, so wrong.
119
00:08:53,258 --> 00:08:55,754
Hey, Jake, wanna go
shoot some hoops?
120
00:08:55,933 --> 00:08:57,728
In a minute.
121
00:09:08,929 --> 00:09:10,426
He's oblivious. Just go.
122
00:09:12,063 --> 00:09:13,726
In a minute.
123
00:09:24,892 --> 00:09:28,683
No, he's still watching TV.
Hold on, I'll check.
124
00:09:30,283 --> 00:09:32,695
- You hungry?
- What are we having?
125
00:09:32,874 --> 00:09:36,926
- I don't know. Tell me if you're hungry.
- That depends on what we're having.
126
00:09:37,094 --> 00:09:39,340
- Okay, what do you want?
- What do you got?
127
00:09:41,022 --> 00:09:43,019
He's not hungry.
128
00:09:44,825 --> 00:09:48,450
So I thought you were taking her home
and coming right back.
129
00:09:48,628 --> 00:09:51,206
You checked into a hotel?
130
00:09:51,929 --> 00:09:55,102
No, you're right,
driving that way is dangerous.
131
00:09:56,610 --> 00:09:59,236
One pothole
can change your life forever.
132
00:10:01,917 --> 00:10:07,169
When's the last time you ate something?
Quit giggling, you know what I mean.
133
00:10:10,191 --> 00:10:15,361
Okay. Okay, look in the honor bar
for some Gatorade or something.
134
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:18,796
Dehydration is the enemy.
135
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:21,926
All right, have fun. See you later.
136
00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:24,144
I am hungry. What's for dinner?
137
00:10:25,318 --> 00:10:27,695
- What do you want?
- What do you got?
138
00:10:29,372 --> 00:10:31,748
I think there's a couple of steaks
in the freezer.
139
00:10:31,921 --> 00:10:33,252
I want chicken.
140
00:10:35,013 --> 00:10:36,344
It's just wrong.
141
00:10:38,523 --> 00:10:41,316
So very, very wrong.
142
00:10:46,421 --> 00:10:48,584
- You full?
- Yeah.
143
00:10:48,762 --> 00:10:53,064
- Good.
- Why, what else we got?
144
00:10:53,651 --> 00:10:55,528
- You said you were full.
- I am.
145
00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:57,112
Good.
146
00:10:59,041 --> 00:11:01,121
But what else we got?
147
00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:07,315
Sorry, I'm late.
I had to go to the office...
148
00:11:07,483 --> 00:11:11,274
...for an emergency,
and I got a flat tire.
149
00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:15,042
And so I had to wait for the auto club
to come and change it.
150
00:11:15,214 --> 00:11:16,545
And I didn't have my card.
151
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,964
And the guy had to check me
on the computer...
152
00:11:19,142 --> 00:11:21,768
...even though I've been a member
since 1989.
153
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:27,326
And that's why it took until now
for me to get back.
154
00:11:30,048 --> 00:11:31,879
Thought you were here.
155
00:11:33,433 --> 00:11:35,014
I missed you, Alan.
156
00:11:35,188 --> 00:11:38,778
Thank you. Can I speak with you
for a minute?
157
00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:42,657
- Hey, Uncle Charlie, what's for dessert?
- You said were full.
158
00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:44,881
Not for dessert.
159
00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:48,386
- Okay, what do you want?
- What do you got?
160
00:11:49,104 --> 00:11:51,065
How do you not kill him?
161
00:11:53,826 --> 00:11:56,072
Charlie, I feel horrible
about what I'm doing.
162
00:11:56,710 --> 00:11:59,003
Then you're doing it wrong.
163
00:11:59,175 --> 00:12:02,265
No, I feel like
I'm abandoning my child.
164
00:12:02,435 --> 00:12:05,275
Weren't you listening?
He didn't even notice you were gone.
165
00:12:05,443 --> 00:12:06,774
That's not the point.
166
00:12:06,948 --> 00:12:10,870
What kind of man chooses sex
with an insatiably hot stranger...
167
00:12:11,043 --> 00:12:13,336
...over quality time with his little boy?
168
00:12:13,508 --> 00:12:18,809
I don't know, a man who was married
for 12 years and had sex 12 times.
169
00:12:20,153 --> 00:12:22,446
You're right, I deserve this.
170
00:12:22,618 --> 00:12:25,541
Exactly, so go enjoy yourself.
171
00:12:25,711 --> 00:12:27,624
Well, I do have the room
the whole night.
172
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,641
Yeah, most of your better hotels
prefer you do it that way.
173
00:12:30,809 --> 00:12:34,184
Just make sure Jake goes to bed early.
He's got karate in the morning.
174
00:12:34,361 --> 00:12:37,284
- Which, of course, you'll be back for.
- Charlie, trust me.
175
00:12:37,453 --> 00:12:41,375
You, I trust.
It's him I'm worried about.
176
00:12:51,870 --> 00:12:53,701
What?
177
00:12:54,712 --> 00:13:00,227
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
I have to take him to karate?
178
00:13:00,395 --> 00:13:03,105
Alan, it's 6:30 in the morning.
179
00:13:03,278 --> 00:13:05,988
What kind of maniac broad
did you hook up with?
180
00:13:06,162 --> 00:13:09,918
She's incredible, Charlie.
I've never met anyone like her.
181
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:16,397
Gotta go.
182
00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:24,666
Jake, wake up.
183
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:28,638
Well, I tried.
184
00:13:39,425 --> 00:13:42,801
- Anybody home?
- Right here.
185
00:13:44,189 --> 00:13:45,984
Where's Jake?
186
00:13:46,153 --> 00:13:48,946
I don't know.
Didn't he have a karate tournament?
187
00:13:50,583 --> 00:13:53,625
Yes. You were supposed to take him
three hours ago.
188
00:13:53,801 --> 00:13:57,508
- Why didn't you take him?
- He wouldn't get up.
189
00:13:57,687 --> 00:14:00,183
I tried everything.
190
00:14:01,030 --> 00:14:02,361
What time did he go to bed?
191
00:14:02,534 --> 00:14:06,041
I don't know. I crashed around 2
and he was still going strong.
192
00:14:07,382 --> 00:14:09,425
He was up past 2?
193
00:14:09,597 --> 00:14:13,352
He said he's had coffee before,
but that was a lie, right?
194
00:14:14,361 --> 00:14:18,580
Okay, okay, all right, it's not important.
The karate was his mother's idea. Listen.
195
00:14:18,748 --> 00:14:21,244
I need to ask you for another favor.
196
00:14:21,423 --> 00:14:25,892
Oh, come on, put it in the holster,
Wild Bill.
197
00:14:27,691 --> 00:14:31,149
No, no, no. This isn't about sex.
198
00:14:31,327 --> 00:14:33,953
I need you to watch Jake
for the rest of the weekend...
199
00:14:34,127 --> 00:14:37,633
...so that Nancy and I can go to Vegas
and get married.
200
00:14:38,807 --> 00:14:43,026
Oh, God, Alan. There's no need
to marry the woman.
201
00:14:43,195 --> 00:14:46,118
If you don't wanna have sex anymore,
just tell her.
202
00:14:46,287 --> 00:14:49,294
No, no, you don't understand.
203
00:14:49,463 --> 00:14:51,126
This is beyond sex.
204
00:14:51,302 --> 00:14:52,799
We're in love.
205
00:14:55,606 --> 00:14:56,984
Alan, come here.
206
00:15:02,208 --> 00:15:04,835
You are not in love, you're besotted.
207
00:15:05,008 --> 00:15:08,764
No, no, no, I have never felt like this
about a woman before.
208
00:15:08,936 --> 00:15:11,432
We have a bond
that transcends the physical.
209
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:12,942
- Really?
- Yeah.
210
00:15:13,115 --> 00:15:15,361
- Kind of a spiritual thing?
- Yes.
211
00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:18,665
Okay. I can understand that.
So where's she from?
212
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,920
She's from around here.
213
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:25,062
- Where?
- Supermarket.
214
00:15:28,243 --> 00:15:29,621
Charlie, stop that.
215
00:15:29,789 --> 00:15:35,386
I have thought this through and I am
really and truly in love with...
216
00:15:35,556 --> 00:15:38,266
- Nancy.
- I knew that. I knew that.
217
00:15:38,439 --> 00:15:41,399
I was looking for the proper adjective
to describe her.
218
00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:45,079
Nuts? Easy? Limber?
219
00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:49,588
Charlie. Charlie, you started off
on the wrong foot with my first wife.
220
00:15:49,764 --> 00:15:52,176
Do not make the same mistake with...
221
00:15:52,898 --> 00:15:54,525
...wonderful Nancy.
222
00:15:55,781 --> 00:15:58,907
Okay, you're right. This is not about her.
Come here. Sit down.
223
00:15:59,082 --> 00:16:02,624
- You gonna hit me?
- Well, let's see how it goes.
224
00:16:06,563 --> 00:16:09,772
Okay, look, I've never been
much of a big brother to you.
225
00:16:09,947 --> 00:16:12,990
I didn't protect you. I wasn't
around when you started dating...
226
00:16:13,165 --> 00:16:15,577
...when you got married and had Jake.
You know why?
227
00:16:16,341 --> 00:16:19,016
- Why?
- I was busy getting laid.
228
00:16:20,687 --> 00:16:23,860
Which makes me the perfect big brother
to help you now.
229
00:16:24,030 --> 00:16:27,406
I've been through this. I know
what it means to confuse sex with love.
230
00:16:27,582 --> 00:16:29,626
That's not what I'm doing, Charlie.
231
00:16:29,797 --> 00:16:33,422
We're talking about me, and I've
been down this road many times.
232
00:16:34,352 --> 00:16:35,933
I remember this one girl.
233
00:16:36,107 --> 00:16:38,437
We had this unbelievably
hot weekend together.
234
00:16:38,614 --> 00:16:41,871
It was like nothing I'd ever
experienced before, and I proposed.
235
00:16:42,041 --> 00:16:45,499
- I begged her to marry me.
- Wow, where did you meet?
236
00:16:45,677 --> 00:16:47,471
Detention.
237
00:16:48,685 --> 00:16:51,526
- This was in high school?
- Eighth grade.
238
00:16:51,694 --> 00:16:55,236
And then years later, it happened again
with a different woman.
239
00:16:55,413 --> 00:16:57,540
Instant chemistry.
The sex was unbelievable.
240
00:16:57,712 --> 00:17:00,635
I was convinced we were soul mates,
so I threw myself at her.
241
00:17:00,804 --> 00:17:02,717
I did everything
to get her to marry me.
242
00:17:02,893 --> 00:17:04,937
And you know what?
If she'd said yes...
243
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:09,196
...I'd now have a 67-year-old ex-wife
on a belly dancer's pension.
244
00:17:11,376 --> 00:17:13,088
So, what I'm trying to say...
245
00:17:13,257 --> 00:17:16,466
...is you're not the first guy
to mistake passion for true love...
246
00:17:16,642 --> 00:17:18,055
...and you won't be the last.
247
00:17:18,230 --> 00:17:20,642
If someone had told me
what I'm telling you...
248
00:17:20,821 --> 00:17:23,697
...I could have saved myself
a lot of heartache.
249
00:17:24,874 --> 00:17:28,297
Okay. I hear you. Thank you.
250
00:17:28,468 --> 00:17:30,096
You're welcome.
251
00:17:30,265 --> 00:17:34,602
So make sure Jake doesn't fill up on junk
food, and I'll call you from Circus Circus.
252
00:17:37,536 --> 00:17:38,867
Circus Circus?
253
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:43,260
You're right, money should be no object.
What's the hotel with the pirate show?
254
00:17:44,180 --> 00:17:46,723
I'm sorry, Alan,
but I'm gonna have to knock you out.
255
00:17:46,897 --> 00:17:49,654
- Hello?
- Mom, thank God you're here.
256
00:17:49,822 --> 00:17:52,318
Oh, I don't need
your sarcasm, Charlie.
257
00:17:52,496 --> 00:17:54,908
No, I mean it. I need you.
Alan needs you.
258
00:17:55,087 --> 00:17:56,418
What's going on?
259
00:17:56,592 --> 00:17:58,838
Alan, tell Mom your plans
for the weekend.
260
00:17:59,642 --> 00:18:01,686
- No.
- Why? Embarrassed?
261
00:18:01,857 --> 00:18:03,520
- No. No.
- Ashamed?
262
00:18:03,696 --> 00:18:05,692
- Scared?
- Yes.
263
00:18:06,412 --> 00:18:09,335
Sweetheart, I'm your mother.
You can tell me anything.
264
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:15,724
Okay. I met a wonderful woman
in the supermarket a few days ago...
265
00:18:15,898 --> 00:18:18,690
...and we're getting married.
266
00:18:19,324 --> 00:18:21,237
I see.
267
00:18:23,587 --> 00:18:29,553
For God's sake, if you're that horny,
find a nice call girl, put her on retainer.
268
00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:33,071
This is not about sex.
269
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,035
Oh, please. What else could it be?
270
00:18:35,204 --> 00:18:38,876
- Well, it could be love.
- Yeah. Sure.
271
00:18:39,049 --> 00:18:41,972
Who is this woman?
What does she do?
272
00:18:42,977 --> 00:18:45,020
She does Alan.
273
00:18:47,782 --> 00:18:50,112
Okay, okay, that...
That is how it started...
274
00:18:50,290 --> 00:18:53,831
...but in the last day and a half
it has blossomed into so much more.
275
00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:58,395
Oh, my randy little nincompoop.
276
00:18:58,564 --> 00:19:00,644
Listen, if I had gotten married...
277
00:19:00,820 --> 00:19:04,908
...after every weekend of hot, sweaty
debauchery with a virtual stranger...
278
00:19:05,083 --> 00:19:10,253
...you'd have, well, many more
stepfathers than you already have.
279
00:19:10,432 --> 00:19:13,189
She knows what
she's talking about, Alan.
280
00:19:13,357 --> 00:19:17,576
Mom's been on more hotel pillows
than a chocolate mint.
281
00:19:23,595 --> 00:19:25,425
Don't help me, Charlie.
282
00:19:25,601 --> 00:19:29,856
Now... Now, listen, sweetheart.
Sweetheart, no offense...
283
00:19:30,030 --> 00:19:33,073
...but since you're dirt-poor
and living with your brother...
284
00:19:33,248 --> 00:19:37,717
...one must ask, what kind of woman
would agree to marry you?
285
00:19:37,887 --> 00:19:41,892
Unless she's a little slow,
or looking for a green card.
286
00:19:43,988 --> 00:19:46,068
Listen to your mommy, Alan.
287
00:19:46,244 --> 00:19:49,167
No. No, I am gonna listen to my heart.
288
00:19:49,337 --> 00:19:51,833
For your information,
she hasn't agreed to marry me.
289
00:19:52,011 --> 00:19:54,804
- I haven't even asked her yet.
- But you're planning to?
290
00:19:54,978 --> 00:19:58,151
- Yes.
- I'm not going to hit you, darling.
291
00:19:58,321 --> 00:19:59,783
Charlie.
292
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:06,794
Okay, look, I will thank you both
to let me live my own life.
293
00:20:06,971 --> 00:20:08,599
I love Nancy, and Nancy loves me.
294
00:20:08,768 --> 00:20:11,525
And if this is a mistake,
then it will be my mistake.
295
00:20:11,986 --> 00:20:16,491
Hello? Nancy. You miss me?
I miss you.
296
00:20:16,666 --> 00:20:20,124
Listen, there's something I wanna
ask you, but I wanna do it in person.
297
00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:22,843
Oh, oh, okay, okay. I understand.
298
00:20:23,018 --> 00:20:26,025
Yeah, sure. Sure. Bye.
299
00:20:26,946 --> 00:20:29,073
Her husband came back a day early.
300
00:20:32,128 --> 00:20:33,590
Okay, my mistake.
301
00:20:43,787 --> 00:20:47,245
- You hungry?
- What do we got?
302
00:20:48,426 --> 00:20:50,588
What do you want?
303
00:20:52,270 --> 00:20:55,146
I don't know. What are my choices?
304
00:20:55,989 --> 00:20:59,531
You can cook something,
or go live on the street.
305
00:21:01,380 --> 00:21:03,293
I'm not hungry.
24275
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