Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,160
HEARTBEAT THUDS
2
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:05,360
ECHOING: Oh, forgive me, sisters.
3
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:07,680
Hi, Alison! Happy birthday!
4
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:12,120
Keep an eye on Kath.
I think she's losing it.
5
00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:13,920
# I love you in the evening... #
6
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:15,320
If we go down, he goes down.
7
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,600
# Skidamarink a-dink a-dink... #
8
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,800
It's always the secrets.
There's a man dead!
9
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,440
# I love
10
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:26,800
# You. #
11
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,240
MUSIC: Head Over Heels
by Tears For Fears
12
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,640
# I wanted to be with you alone
13
00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,200
# And talk about the weather... #
14
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,360
MUSIC STOPS
15
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,760
HE CHUCKLES
What's with the beehive?
16
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:09,000
It's Alison's 18th birthday party,
not a bloody fancy dress.
17
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,920
Martin, do you still fancy me?
18
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,280
Course I do.
19
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,640
I used to be Miss Stockport.
20
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:16,960
What happened to me?
21
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:18,360
What the hell are you on about?
22
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,160
Just worried the magic's gone.
23
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,760
What, cos I haven't sawn you in half
for a couple of weeks
24
00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:25,560
or pulled a rabbit out of a hat?
25
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,480
I'm not Paul pissing Daniels.
26
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:29,560
And you're no Debbie McGee.
27
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:33,240
Oh, chicken,
I think the world of you.
28
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,920
I mean, would I be living
in this shithole if I didn't?
29
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:38,080
Right.
30
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,360
Hey.
31
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,360
Everything's going to be all right.
32
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:42,720
I'm going to get back on my feet,
33
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,480
and things are going to be
better than ever.
34
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:47,200
How?
We're cold-blooded killers, Martin.
35
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:48,400
Yeah.
36
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,480
But all I'm saying is,
with Sandy out of the picture,
37
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,040
I can get back in the picture.
38
00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:54,800
Trust the process.
39
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,280
Are you making a brew or what?
40
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,560
Martin, can I have a cuddle?
41
00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:03,600
Yeah.
42
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,400
Oh, right, I've got to go and phone
Alison, wish her happy birthday.
43
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:11,920
Well, wait for me!
SHE TUTS
44
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:15,400
LINE RINGS
45
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:18,120
Hey, you still have to
iron me shirt for tonight.
46
00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,320
Stockport 496 0977?
47
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,520
Hi, Di, it's Martin.
48
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:24,400
Oh, I've been thinking about what
you said last night about Kath.
49
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,080
Er, yeah,
we thought it was chilly out too.
50
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,160
Can I speak to the birthday girl?
51
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,560
Oh, she's not here. She stayed
overnight last night with Kim.
52
00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,280
What, you allowed her
to stay out overnight?
53
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,880
And you're all right with that?
Oh, yes. It's fine.
54
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,160
Hiya, how you feeling?
55
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:41,040
Oh, hi, Kath! Oh, yes, you know,
tickety-boo. You?
56
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,360
"Tickety-boo"?!
57
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:43,840
I'm a bag of nerves, Di.
58
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,040
So am I. I don't know why I said it.
I've not slept a wink.
59
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,320
I'm on my third batch of quiches.
Same.
60
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,400
Well, not the quiches.
I'm just doing us toast.
61
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,560
Yeah, I've been to the corner shop,
I've checked all the papers -
62
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,520
nothing.
No-one's even clocked he's missing.
63
00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,560
Oh, poor Sandy.
Yeah, he'll be landfill now.
64
00:02:58,560 --> 00:02:59,680
Poor Jean.
65
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:00,960
Frig Jean.
66
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,320
She's off having it off with
Bjorn Borg, couldn't give two shits.
67
00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,560
All right. Now, remember -
we keep shtoom until tomorrow,
68
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,560
when, Diane,
you report Sandy as missing.
69
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:08,760
Oh, no, I can't do that, Martin.
70
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,520
I've not even started
on my butterfly cakes.
71
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:13,280
She's on her third lots of quiches,
Martin. She's exhausted.
72
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,200
I am! And I've got to go
and supervise the stock-take. Oh.
73
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:19,920
Sandy was going to do it, poor man,
but he'll never stock-take again.
74
00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:22,800
Well, I tell you what, I'll go into
Parker's and hold the fort for you.
75
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,520
You-you-you don't need to worry
about a thing -
76
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,000
you can't be going in like this.
77
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,520
Well, what's that
going to look like?
78
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,320
No Sandy,
and you turning up out of the blue.
79
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,360
Well, I'll just say
I'm doing Sandy a favour,
80
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:33,160
I mean, what are they going to do?
They can't ask him.
81
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:34,560
Oh, it's all too much, isn't it?
82
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,920
Well, if you think it'd work,
it'd be a great help,
83
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,880
and then I can get going
on my egg and cress.
84
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,880
Oh, but what will Tom...?
KNOCK AT DOOR
85
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,440
Oh, my God there's
someone at the door! Oh, God.
86
00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,080
They've come for me! This is it!
Keep calm.
87
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:51,920
They wouldn't knock, Di! They'd kick
your bastard door down! Yeah.
88
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,600
KNOCKING CONTINUES
89
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:57,600
If you don't hear from me,
tell the kids I love them. Yeah.
90
00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:00,200
Oh, and stick the quiches on 180
for 30 mins.
91
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,240
Oh!
92
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:04,680
Oh!
93
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:10,920
Oh, God.
94
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,080
Oh!
95
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,120
SHE GASPS
96
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:15,920
Oh, God.
97
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,160
Oh, Vinnie.
I'm not properly dressed.
98
00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:26,480
I'm mid-buffet.
99
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,120
You left without saying goodbye.
100
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,680
I know, I'm so sorry.
101
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,160
I was having such a lovely time
and you're so lovely.
102
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,360
It's just, erm...
Well, there was an emergency.
103
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:35,840
Erm...
104
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,440
You awoke something inside me
last night,
105
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,280
and I can't stop thinking about you.
106
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,320
Ditto.
107
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,560
If you want me to go, I'll go,
108
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:46,320
but I wouldn't mind finishing
what finishing what we started...
109
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,440
..if you want me to.
110
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:52,000
MUSIC: Sweat
by Inner Circle
111
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,040
I want.
112
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,560
# Girl, I want to
make you sweat... #
113
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,320
Oh! Oh! Oh, Vinnie! Oh!
114
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:57,400
# Sweat till you can't... #
115
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,120
Well, Diane Parker...
116
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,280
..you're a dark horse.
117
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,880
I mean, it takes some
to shock Mr Skip between the sheets,
118
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,240
I can tell you. But you?
119
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,120
Wow! Ten out of ten.
120
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:14,200
Oh, sorry, it's a cup, just to stop
you getting ash on the eiderdown.
121
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,360
Oh, Vinnie, I'm so, so sorry.
122
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,640
You don't have to apologise.
It's only a few scratches.
123
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:23,280
I don't know what came over me.
124
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,320
I ravaged you, didn't I?
Mm-hm.
125
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,560
Oh!
126
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,240
It was like a sexual awakening.
127
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:35,640
Oh, but I can't do this -
th-th-that - again.
128
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:42,240
Oh, no, it was...
It was very, very pleasant.
129
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,280
Oh, it was mind-blowing,
let's face it. But...
130
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,400
..I can't be in a relationship
with you right now.
131
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:50,640
Cos of Martin?
132
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:51,680
And Kath.
133
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,760
We've got ourselves into
a bit of a situation.
134
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,800
Wow! Continental.
135
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,200
Well, I don't mind your sister,
136
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,520
but I absolutely
draw the line at Martin.
137
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,560
No way, not for me. No way...
138
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:06,760
Oh, no, no. Oh, no, absolutely
not that. No. Lordy no. No.
139
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,000
SHE CHUCKLES
140
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,200
I've got myself into
a bit of a mess,
141
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,240
and I don't want to
drag you into it. I'm very sorry.
142
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,240
Now put your trousers on and...
143
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:19,040
..I'll get you some Germolene.
144
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,800
MUSIC: Lessons In Love
by Level 42
145
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:25,720
Kath, where is this minibus?
146
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,920
If it's not back pronto,
I'm going to have to report it.
147
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,240
Yeah, yeah.
Here tomorrow, I promise.
148
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:39,040
I knew it'd be you.
I saw it in a vision.
149
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,560
Did you now?
150
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,520
That and you booked in
for a trim last week.
151
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,440
Well, the spirits say no.
152
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:48,040
It's here on your calendar, Mo.
Next to "Chiropodist".
153
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,880
Did you manage to
get your toenails done?
154
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,320
They had started to look
like pork scratchings.
155
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:53,640
Come on, give us your palm.
156
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,080
No more freebies. Cash only.
157
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,760
How many times
have we spoke about this, mate?
158
00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,000
I see a sandy beach...
159
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,160
Sandy?
Oh, very sandy.
160
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,200
Pissing hell.
161
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,800
Oh, hey.
These are a bit rough, Kath.
162
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,000
Bit like a docker's.
163
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,360
Oh...all right
164
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:12,720
What's the problem, my darling?
165
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,320
Where do I start, Mo?
166
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:15,880
Not you.
167
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,560
Yes, yes, yes.
168
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:20,640
Yes, I'm telling her.
169
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:24,400
Who is it?
It's a man.
170
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,160
He's got a lovely face.
171
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:27,400
Yeah.
172
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:28,680
Likes his music.
173
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,600
Yeah, yeah. Well, he does.
Well, he...he did.
174
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,520
HE CHUCKLES
Worked on the buses?
175
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,160
No, no, I don't...
I don't think so.
176
00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:38,520
Big fat ankles.
177
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:39,960
Spits of Dickie Davis.
178
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,760
No. Oh, no. No.
179
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:45,560
It's, erm...Harry?
180
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,840
No, I don't know a Harry.
181
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,160
Larry?
182
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:51,760
No.
183
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,440
Gary?
184
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,560
Barry?
185
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,960
No, you're...
You're way off now, Mo.
186
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,120
Ask your mum - she knows.
187
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:00,280
Why don't you ask her?
188
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,280
You've more chance
of speaking to her than I have!
189
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,200
Ey up, there's...there's some...
190
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,440
He's with somebody else.
191
00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:07,760
Is this one Sandy?
192
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:09,360
If you like.
HE CHUCKLES
193
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,040
Ooh, he's crying.
194
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,240
Well, he would be, Mo.
195
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,360
He's doing something. Oh, aye, aye.
196
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,960
Smoking.
197
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,400
Oh!
198
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,720
I never imagined
they'd smoke in heaven.
199
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:20,880
It's good to know, that, yeah.
200
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,000
They can do what they like up here,
he says.
201
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,960
CHUCKLING: He's having
a right laugh.
202
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,280
Will you tell him I'm sorry?
203
00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:32,600
He says that a dog what licks
gets more than a dog what barks.
204
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:36,840
But don't forget to bark.
205
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,160
If you know what I mean.
206
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,600
Right, so I need to bark.
207
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:41,920
Fess up.
208
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,760
Yeah.
209
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,040
That's bob on, that.
210
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:47,480
Thanks, Mo.
211
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,200
Thank you, Sandy.
212
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,320
Are you going to do me hair, then,
or what?
213
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:55,680
DOOR OPENS
214
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:56,720
Guess what?
215
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,000
Gladys, guess what?
Oh!
216
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,960
I've just had a reading
from Mystic Mo,
217
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,640
and I've got to tell you summat.
218
00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:08,320
Mystic Mo? Oh, don't listen to him.
They've upped his meds.
219
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:12,000
He was by the bins
chatting to Elvis, Monday.
220
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,160
Come, budge over.
221
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:16,200
Let's get cosy.
222
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,280
Ooh! Oh, bloody hell, Gladys.
You're freezing.
223
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:23,720
I can't get warm.
Just got back from Norma's funeral.
224
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:24,880
Shit, I forgot.
225
00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,640
No do after or nothing.
226
00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,360
Bloody shame.
227
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,880
Aw, and she loved a good knees-up
and all, didn't she? Uh-huh.
228
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,280
Do you remember her 70th?
229
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,760
Got absolutely pie-eyed,
thrutching all over Cliff Bibby.
230
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:37,920
Nearly crushed him!
231
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,880
Oh-ho!
232
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,800
I don't want a fuss when I go.
Aww.
233
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:46,200
Just sling me in bin bag
and bury me out the back.
234
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,440
Oh, for God's sake.
You're going nowhere.
235
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,800
Your disco days
aren't over yet, Glad. Mm.
236
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:52,840
Gladys...
237
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,000
..do you believe
in life after death?
238
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,480
Do you think I could live here
if I did?
239
00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,080
I wouldn't get a minute's peace.
240
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,440
DOOR OPENS
I think I might be going to hell.
241
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,160
Go to hell for what?
242
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,200
Nothing.
243
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,880
I'm going down the town hall,
now we've got some momentum.
244
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,720
I wondered if you wanted
to come with, Glad. Bang some pans.
245
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,800
Oh, I'd have loved that,
but not today.
246
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:17,480
I am absolutely buzzing
after yesterday.
247
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:18,680
We got arrested, Gladys.
248
00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:20,760
It was absolutely brilliant,
wasn't it, Kath?
249
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,080
What's wrong?
250
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,200
Right...
251
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:30,760
..the spirits say I need to
get something off my chest.
252
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,480
So I'm going to
tell you both summat now,
253
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,680
but promise me you won't get mad?
Right, what's wrong, love?
254
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,400
Me, Diane, and Martin
might have killed a man.
255
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,800
"Might"?
Come again?
256
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,680
Well, you have or you haven't.
257
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:44,720
Yeah, we have.
258
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,000
We definitely have.
259
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,800
All right, you lot, gather round.
Team talk.
260
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:57,080
Oi, oi, oi.
Can we lose the earring, sunshine?
261
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,760
This isn't Johnny Hates Jazz.
262
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,160
We sell middle-market
electrical goods.
263
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,280
Nobody wants to see that
dangling from your lobe
264
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,320
while they're choosing a spin dryer,
trust me.
265
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:07,920
It's just a stock-take.
We're closed. It doesn't matter.
266
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,840
That is not the attitude, Tom.
267
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,440
God.
Does your mum even do team talks?
268
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:13,480
Sometimes.
269
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,760
Sometimes? Christ on a bike.
270
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,160
You can't run a tight ship
on "sometimes".
271
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,760
All right, everyone.
Gather round. Hurry up.
272
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,080
Gary, tuck your shirt in.
273
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:27,560
Right, I am here to supervise
the stock-taking today.
274
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,000
Here on my own time...
275
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,960
..to help Sandy out.
276
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,840
The poor bloke
is going through the mill.
277
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,440
His wife's left him
for a younger man,
278
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,160
and he's had a nervous breakdown.
279
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,200
Shat himself in Iceland.
280
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,600
Hey, you didn't hear that from me,
all right?
281
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,760
But, anyway,
let's all pull together today,
282
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:50,840
stand proud,
and make Parker's great again.
283
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:54,320
Ah. Whose is the half-eaten
tuna bap in the fridge?
284
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,120
I've eaten it.
It was lovely, that.
285
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,880
My door's always open, you know, Di.
286
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,520
You're a wonderful woman.
287
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,040
Oh.
288
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,720
Don't forget your Germolene.
Oh, no, no, keep it.
289
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,200
It's the least I can do.
290
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,360
Oh!
291
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,600
In a skip?
292
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,120
People put all sorts in skips,
Dougie.
293
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,600
I know.
That's where I got these pans.
294
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:30,720
KNOCK AT DOOR
295
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:33,720
Someone in reception to see you,
Kath. A policeman.
296
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:37,200
Oh, bloody hell. Say nothing.
Not a word, Kath. Shit! Shit!
297
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,040
Run, leg it.
We'll cover for you.
298
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,920
Oh, what a day
to have a big bloody beehive.
299
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:44,320
Ash something or other.
Ash?
300
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,520
Said you went to school together.
301
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:50,160
He could hang his trousers
on my bed post any day of the week.
302
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,600
It's all right. It's only Ash.
303
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:55,040
You listen to me - not a word.
You can't trust a bizzie.
304
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,800
It's fine.
305
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,080
Thanks.
306
00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,120
PRINTER WHIRS
307
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,400
Aha!
308
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,400
Nice try, Sandy.
309
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:06,440
RIP...
310
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:09,600
..Coopers and Co.
311
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:12,800
Shit.
312
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:18,960
My dad sent these for Dougie.
313
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,000
Aw, cigs.
314
00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,240
GLADYS: What can you see?
Shush.
315
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:26,320
You don't mind, do you?
316
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,000
Me just turning up?
317
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,360
Of course not.
318
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,240
I was actually booked in to do a
tint on Doreen Clegg this afternoon,
319
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:35,400
but luckily she's been rushed to A&E
with chronic cystitis, so...
320
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,120
Very lucky. Yeah. Poor Doreen.
321
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,560
Piss everywhere.
Oh, lovely. Glad I came.
322
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,320
I like the hairdo, by the way.
Oh!
323
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,280
Got the beehive back.
324
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:48,960
How's your head?
325
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,040
Yeah...
326
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:51,640
..it's all over the place.
327
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,760
No, the...bump.
328
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,360
Oh, yeah, yeah, it's fine.
It's fine.
329
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:58,600
Hard as nails, me.
330
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,480
GLADYS: What's she saying, Dougie?
331
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,280
I'm not a bloody lip-reader.
332
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:03,840
Don't you worry about me.
333
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,480
I was worried, though.
334
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,480
You know, I got home
and I couldn't stop...
335
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:11,680
..couldn't stop thinking about you.
336
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:14,840
Ditto.
337
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,200
I hope Martin looked after you
when you got in.
338
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,440
Was he in?
339
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:23,480
Yeah.
340
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,160
I heard that Mic's
a bit of a ball-buster.
341
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,280
Who's "Mick"?
342
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:30,480
Mic, his new boss.
343
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,680
Yeah, I wouldn't want to
get on the wrong side of her.
344
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,520
"Her"?
345
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:35,720
M-Mic's a woman?
346
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,640
Oh, he never said.
347
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,360
Has he not told you anything?
348
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,440
Nothing.
349
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,000
Oh, right.
350
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,920
Well, not like me -
you can't shut me up.
351
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,600
Lisa said she hated that about me.
352
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,440
Aww. How could she hate you?
353
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:54,400
I wish I brought me glasses.
What's she saying to him?
354
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:55,640
It's just me for the time being,
355
00:14:55,640 --> 00:15:00,000
so I'm treating myself to a little
trip to Spain on me Jack Jones.
356
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,160
Never been abroad, me.
Oh?
357
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:06,000
I have got a passport,
but never been out the drawer.
358
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,080
Me and Martin were supposed to be
going to Lanzarote. But, well...
359
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,880
..cut a long story short,
360
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,160
he went missing,
faked his own death,
361
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,840
and shacked up with the Chans, so...
362
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,120
Yeah, I heard.
363
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:19,400
Ash...
364
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,120
..I know this is weird, but...
365
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:25,040
..can I have a cuddle?
366
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:28,760
Yeah.
367
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,000
Oh, bloody hell.
368
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,720
He's patting her down now.
369
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,120
Oh!
Oh, my...!
370
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:44,000
MAN: Sorry!
Roy! Watch me beehive!
371
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,160
Bounced right off.
372
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,400
God's sake, Roy!
373
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,120
We need to help her, Dougie.
We do.
374
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,240
Oh, Kath.
375
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:54,880
MUSIC: Crucified
by Army Of Lovers
376
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,160
# I'm crucified... #
377
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,080
That toilet's blocked.
378
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:00,480
Hiya, love.
379
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:03,080
Forgive me, sisters.
380
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,720
And also with you.
381
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,160
Hiya!
382
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,280
Oh, hello, darling.
I thought you'd died. Ha-ha!
383
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,120
Ahoy there, sailor.
384
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:13,040
Oh, Diane, put them
vol au vents away.
385
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,320
Is that you, Matthew?
386
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,600
Surprise, surprise!
THEY LAUGH
387
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,080
Oh, here they are.
388
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,400
Go on, cheer up, darling.
Might never happen.
389
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:21,720
What the f...?
BIKE BELL RINGS
390
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,120
Oh! Oh, my...
391
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,440
Be careful, please, on that.
392
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:26,640
That feels dangerous.
393
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,560
It feels wrong, drinking and dancing
when there's a man dead.
394
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,360
KATH SIGHS
Keep your voice down.
395
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:38,200
Everything is going to plan.
Let's not cock it up now.
396
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,400
We just need to look like
we're enjoying ourselves for Alison.
397
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:42,760
HE MOUTHS
398
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:48,120
Alison's girlfriend seems nice,
to be fair. Very pretty face.
399
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,760
Girlfriend? No!
Not her girlfriend.
400
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,800
She's just trying to fit in
at art college.
401
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:56,080
CHUCKLING: "Girlfriend"! All right!
Anything to be different.
402
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:59,120
I mean, did you see him
on the unicycle? Tit.
403
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,600
Splash of blusher
and a little kitten heel
404
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,160
wouldn't go amiss, though,
know what I mean?
405
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:03,400
I still don't understand
406
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,600
why she didn't want her party
at the Conservative Club.
407
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,560
At the Conservative Club?
What, with this lot?
408
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:12,160
Can you imagine? No way.
They look like a bloody circus.
409
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:15,720
I don't think I'll ever get the
image of dead Sandy out of my head.
410
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,200
Oh, I've got a cherry!
411
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,680
Keep the change.
What?
412
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:21,600
What? "Keep the change"?
Yeah.
413
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,520
Who do you think you are?
Bloody Rockefeller? Eh?
414
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,440
Oh, yeah, and you still
haven't told me about this Mic.
415
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:26,560
Well, there's nowt to tell.
416
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,560
Well, you didn't tell me
Mic was a lady Mic.
417
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,600
What is this, love, 20 questions?
Don't mind me.
418
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,520
I'll just go and check
on Uncle Dennis and Auntie Rose.
419
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,520
Yeah, I think I'll follow you.
420
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,120
Why are you following her now?
421
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:38,800
Oh, come on, chicken.
What is wrong now?
422
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,840
Oh, what's wrong with me?
Oh, let me think.
423
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,240
What on earth
could be wrong with me?
424
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,480
It's the secrets, Martin!
It's always the secrets!
425
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,120
And now you're swanning about town
with this fancy new lady boss
426
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:51,400
without telling me.
It's not like that. I've quit.
427
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,840
I've gone back to Parker's.
428
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:57,040
Actually, today went very well.
They were very delighted to see me.
429
00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:00,560
Look, you know I'm doing all this
for you, chicken, yeah?
430
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,720
No, I don't know, Martin.
431
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,160
I don't know what's true
and what's not any more!
432
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,640
HE LAUGHS UNCONVINCINGLY
She's crazy.
433
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:11,120
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
434
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:13,360
No, it's not my first choice,
either,
435
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,720
but it's very convenient
for the train station.
436
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,800
Rose, Dennis. Enjoying yourselves?
Not dancing yet?
437
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,480
It's full of woofters!
Still full of the joys, Dennis.
438
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,680
Where's Dougie? Well, he did say
he was getting the bus in, so...
439
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,000
There you are.
440
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,480
QUIETLY: Don't leave me
on me own with him.
441
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,000
He's as dull as a butter knife.
442
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,440
And keep an eye on Kath, will you?
I think she's losing it.
443
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:36,440
Hi, Alison! You having
a lovely time? Happy birthday!
444
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,400
I don't think she saw me.
445
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:39,920
Eh? Watch her.
446
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:46,960
BELL RINGS REPEATEDLY
447
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:49,520
All right, Lindsay?
448
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,640
BELL RINGS REPEATEDLY
449
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:57,160
Julie!
450
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,400
Baby.
451
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:02,240
What? My mam smoke and drank
when she was preggers with me.
452
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,520
Didn't do me any harm, did it?
453
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,640
Er...what time's Tom getting here?
454
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,320
He's not.
It's his darts thing - semifinal.
455
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,320
It's been rescheduled to tonight.
456
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,640
He says Gary's jibbed out
last minute so he has to go,
457
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,400
and they think
the Body Shop's got a ringer.
458
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,360
It's his sister's birthday!
459
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:20,760
All right, why's everyone
nagging at me? I'm not nagging.
460
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,920
Between us, and I know
he's my family now and that,
461
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:27,400
but I did not like having Mr Parker
back in the office today.
462
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,360
You're a much better boss.
Well, thank you, Julie.
463
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:31,840
You don't mind if I skive off.
464
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,640
Er, I think you'll find that I do.
465
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,600
He had me running round
like a blue-arsed fly.
466
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,520
"Get this document,
get that document."
467
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,640
Hang on, what kind of documents?
468
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,400
He only went in for a stock-take.
469
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,240
Finance stuff, payrolls and shit.
470
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,680
I was hoping to nip off early
and get me hair done.
471
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,040
I had to tong it at my desk
in the end. Frazzled.
472
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,040
DENNIS: Martin,
have you got a minute?
473
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,320
Get off!
474
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,400
Oh...have you got a light, love?
475
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,080
Ah!
476
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,360
LIGHTER FLICKS
477
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:15,520
Thank you.
478
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,200
You all right, love?
Yep. Smashing.
479
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:28,400
Can I ask you something?
480
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:29,680
I tuck it under.
481
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,120
Beg your pardon?
482
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:33,200
It doesn't hurt. You get used to it.
483
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,440
Oh. Right. No, I was going to ask,
how tall are you?
484
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:37,640
You're like a giant.
485
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,440
Sorry, it's just usually people
ask me what I do with me tackle.
486
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,640
Oh.
Your daughter's lucky.
487
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,840
My parent's wouldn't be seen dead
anywhere near a gay bar
488
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,000
when I was 18.
I see.
489
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,840
Dad's a hairy-arsed builder,
very traditional.
490
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:50,920
And your mum?
491
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,440
Well, I've never seen her arse.
492
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,080
Oh!
493
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,400
Very quick.
I'll give you that. Very quick, eh?
494
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,360
My mum's a dinner lady.
495
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,320
I mean, I get it -
different generation.
496
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:07,120
I've been trying to understand,
I really have, but...
497
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:12,200
..she's still my little girl at the
end of the day, whatever she does.
498
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,200
Doesn't seem two minutes ago
that I was standing over her cot,
499
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,440
singing Skidamarink.
500
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:18,800
I mean, it's hard.
501
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,120
You worry.
502
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:25,080
This is who she is. End of.
503
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,440
The trick is
getting good people around you -
504
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,120
that can save your life.
505
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,720
I found people that saved mine.
Had to.
506
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:34,880
She's going to need you.
507
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,640
She's going to need her dad.
508
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:38,640
Now, you promise me
that you won't abandon her.
509
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,080
I never would.
510
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:41,760
Good. Good.
511
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,160
Hey, thank you.
512
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,520
Oh...
513
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,120
Er...
514
00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:52,440
HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
Honka-honka!
515
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,360
All right, darling?
516
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:03,600
Hey! I hope
you're enjoying yourself.
517
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,120
Aww.
518
00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:07,000
You know I love you, kitten,
don't you?
519
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,840
Love you too, Dad.
Ah!
520
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,120
You, eh? Thingy.
521
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:15,960
We are very lucky.
We've got two beautiful children.
522
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,320
Well, one.
Tom's playing darts, apparently.
523
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,480
Again? He's obsessed.
524
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:22,840
I love the gays, me.
525
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,000
Oi! Give us a go with them poppers.
526
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,160
It's all about the children
at the end of the day, isn't it?
527
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,760
I mean, they're the important ones.
528
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,880
And they need their parents.
529
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,800
Do you know what I mean?
530
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:37,760
Oh! You two look very cosy.
531
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:39,920
Grow up, Kath.
532
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,840
Oh, Alison.
Let me give you your birthday gift.
533
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,240
It's off me and your dad.
534
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:46,880
I hope you kept the receipt.
Alison!
535
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,000
Bit snide, that, Alison, to be fair.
536
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,120
What? Don't take her side.
She's a slag.
537
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,360
Alison! She's not a slag.
She's your Auntie Kath.
538
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:56,880
That's what you called her
when she went off with dad.
539
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,160
That was different.
540
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,800
It's all right. Been called worse.
541
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,560
It was your Nana's.
She left it me when she died.
542
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,160
I always thought I'd give it
to my little girl, but...
543
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,080
..never happened, so...
544
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,040
What, a brooch? Yeah.
An old lady brooch?
545
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:16,240
Yeah, I know it's awful, but
Kath put a lot of thought into this.
546
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,160
I wanted a black Swatch watch.
547
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,080
It's fine. It's fine. Stupid idea.
Embarrassing.
548
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,200
We'll get you
the black Swatch watch.
549
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,920
What time's Dad getting here?
550
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:30,600
Erm...
Well, he should be here by now.
551
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,400
He never usually passes up
on a free buffet. No.
552
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,280
BELL RINGS REPEATEDLY
553
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:40,920
BELL RINGS
554
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,720
Finally. Mr Pennington,
we haven't got your bedsheet.
555
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,120
I've killed a man.
556
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:46,600
Come again?
557
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,640
I've walloped him
and I've dumped him in a skip.
558
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,080
Big business bigwig.
559
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,240
Sandy Cooper.
560
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:56,960
What are you on about, Dougie?
561
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:01,400
BELL RINGS
562
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,960
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
563
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,720
Just pretend you're having fun,
Kath.
564
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:10,120
Mystic Mo said Sandy's fine
now he's dead.
565
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:12,320
He's been fly fishing with
his great-grandad this afternoon.
566
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:13,480
Caught a trout.
567
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,400
What the heck
have you been drinking, Kath?
568
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:16,960
Not e-fucking-nough, Diane.
569
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:22,160
Julie said Martin was asking
a lot of questions this morning.
570
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:26,760
Wanting to know about finances
and spreadsheets and whatnot.
571
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,160
Something doesn't feel right to me.
572
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:31,960
I'm beginning to think
he's pulling our strings.
573
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,960
What's he said to you?
Nothing!
574
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:36,360
Why, what's he said to you?
575
00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:38,280
Nothing. I asked you first.
576
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,160
Nothing! Nothi...
577
00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:43,440
Well, not nothing.
578
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,960
He just said that,
if anything happens,
579
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,840
then it's you that's got motive with
Sandy, and it's you that'll go down.
580
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,400
Well, that's very, very shady.
581
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,240
Cos guess what? He said
exactly the same thing to me!
582
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,600
Trying to get me to agree
to frame you. No, no, no, no.
583
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,920
I think you've got the wrong end
of the stick there, Di.
584
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,920
No, I have got the right end
of the stick, Kath.
585
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,360
God, we've been so stupid,
both of us.
586
00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:07,520
You wouldn't have dobbed me in,
though, would you?
587
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:08,720
Cos I wouldn't have dobbed you.
588
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,120
He's not getting away
with this, Kath.
589
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:11,600
I'm going to say something.
Right.
590
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,720
Look, if we go down, he goes down.
Come on. Yeah.
591
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:15,240
Very true, I'll give you that. Yeah.
592
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:18,480
Huh? We're not soft, you know.
What?
593
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,240
You can't pull the wool
over our eyes.
594
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,520
I'm absolutely bouncing, Martin.
I'm bouncing!
595
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,080
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what is going on here?
596
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:27,160
Oh, come off it! You know!
597
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:30,760
Do you know what? I actually think
you're glad that Sandy's dead.
598
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,800
Yeah. One, two. One, two.
SHUSHING
599
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:35,280
Right, gather in, everyone.
Come on in.
600
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,000
You want to listen to him.
He's very funny.
601
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,920
Hurry up, I've got a bus to catch.
602
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,800
We're not finished
talking to you, Martin.
603
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,720
Right, Alison,
you have made yourself
604
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,920
a valued member of our community.
605
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:50,000
But that's lesbians for you,
isn't it? Get where shit can't.
606
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:51,920
That's disgusting! Come on, love.
607
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,360
You're telling me one thing,
and you're telling her another.
608
00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:57,440
We've been chatting.
Happy birthday, Alison, my darling.
609
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:58,480
Yeah, so come on. Come on.
610
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,120
How are you going to
worm your way out of this one?
611
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:03,360
Come on, then. Right, let's get
the dad up here. Here. Martin.
612
00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:05,240
Come on up, love.
613
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,800
Look at him.
Here he is, the silver fox.
614
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:09,000
MARTIN LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
615
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,720
Like if Kilroy
had a nervous breakdown.
616
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,520
Though I do have a thing
for older men -
617
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,560
euthanasia. Oh!
LAUGHTER
618
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:20,960
Right, girls and gays, let's have
a big hand for Alison's dad.
619
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,800
Don't clap. Don't clap.
No, I'm not clapping.
620
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,320
Thank you.
621
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,000
Very...funny lad.
622
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,200
Very dry, very quick.
623
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:38,240
Well, I am Alison's dad.
My name is Martin, Martin Parker.
624
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,680
And, er, I'd like to thank you all
for coming here tonight
625
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,720
to share in
this special celebration.
626
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:45,240
And, well, what can I say, Alison?
627
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,240
Me and your mum...
628
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,400
..and your Aunt Kath...
629
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,400
..are so very proud
of the woman you've become.
630
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:57,160
Beautiful, intelligent, witty. Yeah.
631
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,480
I wonder where you got that from,
eh?
632
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:00,760
SILENCE
633
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,400
Oh, look at him -
he's so full of shit.
634
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,080
How the hell did we both
fall for that?
635
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,000
You are the light of our life.
I don't know.
636
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,800
You excel in everything you do,
as we always knew you would.
637
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,640
I'm going to make a phone call. Now?
So different than you brother, Tom.
638
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:15,000
Just about the ending of a film.
639
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,720
What? It's just a joke.
640
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,880
Oh. Well, he's not here anyway.
He won't mind...
641
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:26,720
MAN: Sing us a song, dickhead.
642
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,240
You all right, Martin?
What?
643
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:37,480
Yeah.
644
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:45,440
# Skidamarink a-dink a-dink
645
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,680
# Skidamarink a-doo
646
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:52,920
# I love you
647
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:55,200
# I love you in the morning
648
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,440
# And in the afternoon
649
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:59,480
# I love you in the evening
650
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:01,360
# And underneath the moon
651
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:03,920
# Skidamarink a-dink a-dink
652
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,520
# Skidamarink a-doo
653
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,400
# I love you
654
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:10,800
# Boopy-doop. #
655
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,960
You three are fucked.
656
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,920
MUSIC: There Must Be An Angel
by Eurythmics
657
00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:36,480
# No-one on earth
could feel like this
658
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:41,280
# I'm thrown
and overblown with bliss
659
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:44,280
# There must be an angel... #
660
00:28:44,330 --> 00:28:48,880
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
48257
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof