All language subtitles for kevin.can.wait.s02e03.PROPER.HDTV.x264-BATV[ettv]

What... what are you doing?

What? I'm moving my stuff in.

I like to personalize my workspace.

Okay, well, you're
personalizing my workspace.

There's only one desk here so for now,

looks like we're sharing it, okay?

Unbelievable.

I'll tell you what's unbelievable...

lack of leg room I got over here.

You hear that? You
hear that, by the way?

You know what that is?

It's my knees.

Can you stop doing that?

- Stop doing it.
- I get it.

So I guess we're equal partners,

but when it comes to desk space...

Shh!

So much for the glass ceiling

you women are always
complaining about.

Okay, look, I just... I
have a lot to do today.

- Please, okay? Thank you.
- Well, so do I, okay?

Oh, just get this...

Give me a little bit.

You done?

Sorry.

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Okay.

Okay.

Sara! Jack! Let's go. Time for school.

Hey!

Hey.

So... good news.

This partnership is
actually working out.

We got our first job.

Nice. Who we taking down?

Uh, nobody. Working
at a car dealership.

We gotta keep the geese off the cars.

Bring my gun, laser? What do I do?

Okay, listen, listen. Don't complain.
It's a job.

If our company is gonna grow,

Golden Phoenix Security has
to take these little jobs.

Okay, first of all, the
name “Golden Phoenix”...

literally the worst company name ever.

And I worked for Camel Towing. I...

Stop it.

I'm gonna come up with a name.
I'm very good at that.

You know how my mind's always working?

Flipping overtime? Just workin'?

Yello! Kevin Gable Security.

Write that down.

Write that down. That's good.
It's going. It's going.

I'm not writing it down.
It's not going.

Uh-huh. Okay.

Yes, I will do. Thank you.

Hey, that was Jack's school.

They said he needs a new
EpiPen for his nut allergy.

Okay, I'll take care of it.

Wait a second. Jack has
a nut allergy? I...

I've seen him crush
peanuts at a Met game.

No, wait a second. That might...
might've been popcorn. Oh, yeah.

It was popcorn. And it wasn't Jack.
That was me.

I was eating...

Well, actually, Dad,
he's not allergic.

He fakes it so he can sit with
the allergy kids at lunch.

What?

Yeah, but he didn't
want me to tell you,

so don't say anything.

Hey, buddy. Kendra tells me

you're faking a nut allergy at school.

Well, she scratched your car and
blamed it on a shopping cart.

Wanna do this? No, hey,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hang on. Calm down. What's going on?
Talk to me.

Middle school's tough. You
gotta get in with a group,

or you're eating alone.

Yeah, but the allergy kids?
What are you doing?

They're the easiest to fit in with.

You just gotta sit
there not eating nuts.

I could do that all day.
I'm doing it right now.

Okay, but I'm not
paying for an EpiPen.

Please, those guys love me.

A week ago, I ate a peanut on a dare.

Now they look at me like I'm a god.

A god!

Look, you can't base a friendship

off of a lie, you know?

Now just go there and come
clean to your friends,

and I'm sure if they're true friends,

they're gonna stick by you, okay?

Oh, that's Chale. Sara! Come on!
You're gonna be late for school.

Morning, Daddy! Good morning.

Incredible day, isn't it?

Hey, where's your, uh, your backpack?

- Silly me. It's upstairs!
- All right.

Must be tough, huh?

What's that?

Isn't it obvious? I mean,
Sara has a boyfriend.

- Are you out of your mind?
- What are you talking about?

Teenage girl bounding down the stairs,

smelling like papaya,
wearing lip gloss.

- She has chapped lips.
- Yes!

From kissing her boyfriend!
Are you serious?

You... you have no idea, okay? I
know my daughter. Believe me.

Okay, listen. She's a teenage girl.

Her body is going through changes

that you couldn't possibly understand.

Never say that again.

- I don't wanna hear that, okay?
- Okay.

Okay. The bottom line is,

- that teenage girl has a boyfriend.
- Oh, please.

Okay.

- Love you, Daddy.
- Okay, hey, uh, Sara, listen,

um, I know we don't talk
about certain things like

you and mom did, but is
there something going on

in your life right now that
you're not telling me about?

Um, actually, I was... going to...

Jenny's after school to study.

Okay, well, thank you for being
honest. I appreciate that.

- It's how you raised me.
- Yeah, all right.

Mm. Love ya.

Okay.

That's fine. Don't believe me.

But you could trust this
she is not studying.

I mean, I used to say
those kinds of things

to my father, too, and I
was actually hanging out

with my boyfriend in his tow truck.

- Classy.
- Okay.

You know what? I'm
actually starting to like

the name “Kevin Gable Security.”

The slogan can be, “We see nothing.”

- I got it.
- What?

“Monkey Fist.”

Excuse me?

The name for our company...

“Monkey Fist Security”

Think about it. It says
everything we wanna say...

power, strength, feet like hands.

That's the name of the company?

Do monkeys even make fists?

Are you kidding me? They're
making them all the time.

They're so strong.
They're walking around.

And I'm not even talking about
your silverback gorilla.

I'm talking your average zoo monkey

"like the one you see
on “The Tonight Show"

riding a mini bike like, oh!

You know, you've said some
dumb things in the past,

but this is the dumbest.

By the way, next to humans, monkeys?

Smartest species on the planet.

Right. Next to humans.

We are humans. Why would
anybody wanna hire

a security company a notch dumber?

Monkeys are badass.

- Okay.
- Is this a bad time?

Oh, no, uh, Vanessa, this is
Rootger, he's my neighbor.

So, uh... So you're Vanessa?

Hmm. He said you wore
too much eye makeup,

but I don't see it.

Okay.

Remember we talked about the phrase,

“This never leaves the room”?
I said it?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Okay, now I know what it means.

Yeah, okay.

Oh, wait. I have my résumé with me.
Okay, great.

Oh, yeah, I told Rootger
that maybe in the future

we could hire him.

Yeah, of course, when
we get more accounts.

You're definitely Monkey
Fist material, though.

Yes, definitely. You're
big, you're bald,

and you look very scary.

You know, I'm sorry. But I
have to stop you right there.

I have a girlfriend.

Okay, well, you let me know
if that status changes, okay?

All right. You know what, Rootger?

We'll just... we'll give
you a jingle, okay?

- Okay.
- All right, buddy.

- I appreciate it. Thank you.
- Thank you.

No, I meant... I meant we'll
give you a jingle at home.

We'll call you. It's probably gonna
be, like, a while, you know.

No, that's okay. I don't
wanna miss the moment.

I'll wait right here.

- Yeah, he's gonna wait here.
- Okay.

He's fine.

Oh, wow. I just got a text from Sara.

Are you kidding me? She
just got arrested.

Oh, oh, no, no, no. I read it wrong.

She's at her friend
Jenny's house studying...

♪ Just like she said she would ♪

Here's the thing... when
it comes to my kids,

I gotta tell ya, I'm plugged
in and you wanna know why?

'Cause I am both a
mother and a father.

- Mm. What's Sara's middle name?
- It's Marie.

Is it difficult? Yeah, at
times it can be difficult.

But am I up for the challenge?
You bet I am.

And you wanna know why?

'Cause I am both a
mother and a father.

Did you know she has a
second Facebook page?

I did not.

It's under Sara Marie,
and she just checked in

at a Hot Skates Roller Rink
with a boy named Tommy De Luca.

- What?
- You know, back in the '80s,

I was kind of a big
thing at Hot Skates.

Mama had it goin' on!

She... she lied to
me right to my face.

Mm. Turns out you're one
dumb mother father.

No. We did not order a monkey.

Okay, listen, don't bring it here

because I'm not paying for it.

That's right.

Kevin?

- Hey, Rootger.
- Hey.

What are you... What are
you still doing here?

Just doing a crossword puzzle.
But don't worry.

Once you hire me, these go bye-bye.

Where's Kevin?

I do not know.

Uh, I think you do know
because I see some sweat

forming on the dome there.

Puzzles make me nervous.

This one is very challenging.
Plus, look, I'm doing it in pen.

Listen, if you wanna work here,

you're gonna have to
tell me where Kevin is.

At the roller rink
looking for his daughter

even though you specifically

told him not to do that.

- Please hire me.
- That idiot!

Oh, look at you.

Tommy De Luca with the
hair and the perfect teeth

and the ironed shirt.
I ain't buyin' it.

The dancing reptile's here tonight.

Say hello to Larry, The Funky Dragon.

Hey, T-Rex.

I'll give you 20 bucks to get
you out of that costume.

Not happening. Head don't
come off for less than 50.

Fine.

- Hey, Jack.
- Hey.

Uh-oh.

Monosyllabic, hunched shoulders.

Let me guess. Bad grade on a test,

or did a pretty girl
reject your overtures?

No. Worse.

I told the peanut allergy kids
I didn't have any allergies.

Ah, yes. Kendra told me
about your little ruse.

I gather it didn't go well.

They snapped my EpiPen in half

and wrote “peanut eater” on my locker.

Pretty feisty for kids with
compromised immune systems.

I'm banned from their table.

Now I have no one to eat lunch with.

I'm sorry, Jack. Look,
finding the right group

to fit in with can be challenging.

But I bet I can help you out.

It may be hard to believe,
but I was not always

the cool, confident man
you see before you.

No, when I was your age, I
was overweight, I had acne,

and I used a cane.

Wait, what was the cane for?

A bit of panache.

You're hiding somewhere.

Where are you?

Vanessa Cellucci?

Vinnie Scarfino?

- Hey!
- Well, look at you!

You haven't changed... that much.

- You neither.
- Oh!

Look, we still got your trophy.

- Ohh.
- As far as I'm concerned,

there's only ever been
one Miss Hot Skates.

Oh, that's very sweet. I
mean, there's been many.

I mean, I was just one.

1982.

Although, it was the
most competitive year.

But I don't wanna, you know...

You had it all. Electric
smile, mint personality.

Yeah, like a real pretty horse.

That's very... that's
very kind of you.

So what have you been
doing with your life?

Well, I've been a cop for 20 years,

and now I own my own security company.

- What about you?
- I run the skate rental.

Sounds like we're
both doing good, huh?

- Yes, yes, we are.
- Yeah.

Man, what's Larry doing out there?

Is he having a seizure?

Wait a second.

That's not Larry.

Hey, Vin, hook me up with some wheels.

Size 6, am I right?

Oh, that's very sweet
that you remembered,

but make it an 8, you know?

Idiot.

- All right, easy, easy.
- What are you doing?

Ow! Your stupid fingernails
are cutting through my suit.

I'm okay. That one landed. Not cool.

Listen to me!

You cannot embarrass Sara
in front of her friends!

It'll scar her for life.

All right, let's turn up the heat

and find yourself a mate.

That's right. It's time
for couples skate.

Couples skate only.

Oh, this ain't happenin'.

Leave them alone! You're
making a big mistake.

Ladies and gentlemen, we
have royalty in the house!

Our very own skate queen,
Miss Hot Skates 1982...

Vanessa Cellucci!

Hey, superstar. You
better not even think

- about skating with that girl.
- Are you talking to me?

Yeah, I'm talkin' to you.
Look into my eyes.

No, no, my eyes are in
my mouth, my mouth.

Look in my mouth, man!

My eyes are in here. Look at 'em.
See 'em?

- Huh?
- My eyes are in here, okay?

I can't take the smell in here.
It stinks!

Come on. Let's go, slow poke.

Okay, somebody doesn't wanna listen.

Here comes the pain train!

Dad?

Any tightness in your chest, Jack?

Constriction of your airway?

Nothing. My throat
couldn't be more open.

What are you guys doin'?

Oh, Jack has been exiled
from the nut allergy table.

Turns out they can be a touch elitist.

So, uh, we're just seeing if
he's allergic to anything.

But I'm totally healthy.
Thanks for nothin'.

Look, I'm sorry things worked
out this way for you, you know.

By the way, you got a lot
of things wrong with you.

- Like what?
- You had chickenpox.

That was Sara.

Man, I gotta start
writing this stuff down.

All right. Well, you had
that rash on your arm.

Remember that? Every you'd itch
it, it'd look like a snow globe?

- Oh. Uh, eczema.
- Yeah, it was definitely eczema.

- It was big time eczema.
- Ooh.

Is it serious?

Serious? Are you...
are you kidding me?

Chale, tell him how...
I mean, it was...

Oh, absolutely. Sometimes even...

special creams are prescribed.

Oh, do you hear that? Special creams.

I gotta tell you, for my
money, it blows a nut allergy

out of the water.

I don't remember having it, though.

See, that's another thing.
Memory loss.

That's a side effect
of eczema right there.

I gotta tell you, Jack, I
love you, but you're a mess.

- You really are.
- Thanks, Dad.

Yep.

I have eczema! How cool is that?!

Hey, how'd it go?

Well, she was upset,
but I think, you know,

it helped to have another
woman to talk to,

you know, someone's who's
been through things.

So she's ready for you
to go up and apologize.

Apologize? Are you kidding me?
She lied to me. Twice!

First about the Facebook thing
and then about where she was.

In fact, now that I think about it,

maybe she's the one stealing

- my yogurt pretzels.
- Okay.

Please stop being so
stubborn about this.

If you make a big deal about it,

it's gonna make a bad situation worse.

Hey.

Hey.

Listen, I, uh, talked
it over with Vanessa,

and she thinks I should
treat you like an adult...

and apologize to you.

And... I wanna do that.

- Great.
- But I can't.

I tried. Seriously, I
can't get it in my head.

It's just not happening. It's
not gonna happen. It can't.

Seriously?

Because... let me explain, all right?

I know your mother would've
handled things differently.

And believe me, I wish she was here.

But truth is, you're stuck with me,

and I got news for you...

you cannot lie to me, all right?

I've seen too much. I know
what happens out there.

You know, one day you're
sneaking off to a roller rink

and the next, you're smoking meth

behind a Long John Silver's.

Come on, Dad.

No, I've seen it, and not on the job.

Believe me, you eat
lunch there enough,

you're gonna see some stuff.

Look, I'm sorry I lied to you.

I know you are.

I'll say I'm sorry, too, all right?

'Cause I know we don't communicate
as much as we should.

I'm... I'm gonna work on that, okay?

Good.

And from now on, we just keep
things simple, all right?

You let me know what
you're doing and...

and who you're doing it with.

- Okay.
- All right, we're good?

- Yeah, we're good.
- All right.

Okay.

Now this may be a little
bit uncomfortable,

and believe me, this is
awkward asking this as a dad,

but I have to know, and I want
a straight and honest answer.

Have you or have you not...

been eating my yogurt pretzels?

What do you want, nut eater?

You're gonna tell us
what cashews taste like?

All right, I'm not allergic to nuts,

but I do have something else,
and it's pretty serious.

Oh, yeah? What?

Eczema.

Eczema? Does it close up your throat?

I don't know. I can't remember.
Memory loss!

All part of the eczema.

It doesn't. Now take your itchy skin

and find another table.

You know what? I don't
wanna eat lunch with you.

All you do is sit around
and judge people.

Hey, Jack. That was really great,

the way you stood up to those guys.

Thanks. It had to be said.

Do you wanna eat with me?
I have eczema, too. See?

Oof.

I think I'll skip lunch.

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -

Huh? What do you think?

Let it wash over ya.

I'm gonna give you 30 minutes
to get it to the dumpster.

See, I knew you were gonna say that,

that's why I super-glued it up there.

Actually, Gorilla-Glued it up there.

Once again, strength.

Okay.

I like it.

Fist says power.

The face says, “give me your bananas”

He's, uh, he's not
gonna go home, is he?

- Probably not, no.
- Okay.

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