Original subtitles

Mom, what is happening with the piles?

Don't be criticizing my piles, OK?

You should have seen it a few days ago.

OK, I won't criticize your piles.

This is good, these are good piles.

OK.

- Is it all gonna fit? - Yes.

I've thrown away a lot of stuff.

OK.

So what am I supposed to do with this?

That's all your crap.

If you want it, take it, and if not,

we're throwing it away.

OK.

All my crap, understood.

That's pure me crap.

Sarah tantrum face. You still make that face.

Oh, you were really a fat baby.

Look at that. Look at all those chins.

What's this?

That's John's wedding ring.

I don't know what that's doing in there.

You can throw that away.

- Ahoy. - What?

Matey.

- Oh, hi. - Hey.

- How are you? - I'm happy to see you.

How are you?

Happy to see you.

- How was your day? - It was good.

- There was a lot of dust. - Look at you, animal.

Look at how much sand you just brought on.

Sorry, just want to make a castle later, you know?

- Dust, lots of dust. - Lots of dust.

Lots of boxes.

- Lots of treasures. - Ooh.

But, ooh, Susan's gonna give us her cuisine art thing.

- Cuisinart? - Yes.

She says hi. And she's giving us stuff for the kitchen, so...

- OK, cool. - You know I don't

- go in there. - Cuisine art.

That makes more sense, you asshole.

Oh, you keep me young.

- Would you like wine? - Yes, please.

Hey, hey, lookie, lookie.

Cool, right?

What do you think?

I mean it's my dad's ring, so, it's...

I mean, I found it today.

And it's kind of weird and cool.

Mm-hmm.

- What is happening right now? - What's happening right now?

Oh, did you just think that I was proposing to you?

- Shut the front door. - No.

- Sarah Watson. - Kristen.

What? What just went through your head?

Do you know who I am?

I don't know, Sarah, we're at a beautiful beach.

- Uh-huh. - I brought wine.

We've got cheese.

- You did this to me. - And you pulled it out.

It was a set up.

- I'm sorry. - You're right, I framed you.

I'm so sorry, come here.

-No. -Come here, little pookie monster.

What's a pookie monster?

You, you are a pookie monster.

Hey.

- I'm the worst. - Yes.

But this has already been established.

I hate you and I love you.

I love you and I love you.

Cool.

You think the water's cold?

Yep.

Do you want to walk in it, anyway?

Sure.

What do you think?

How did you make that happen,

and when did you make that happen?

Alchemy.

Ah, I didn't know you were practicing.

- Wanna try it? - Mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm. Yeah. - It's good?

- Oh, my. - Oh, my goodness.

Happy anniversary, my two favorite people.

You shouldn't have.

Thank you, that's beautiful.

Well, do you want to blow out the three

and I'll hit the zero?

- Sure. - All right, you ready?

- Sounds like a plan. - One, two, three.

- Well done. I remember. - You remember.

- Look at that. - Wow.

- Yes, yes, yes, yes. - Ruining my cake.

Hold it? We're going to take a picture.

- Oh, with the three. - Yeah.

Yeah, there you go. Happy three years to you.

Go. One, two, three.

- I think it's bursting. - Did you get it?

- I think so. One more because... - It happens.

- So work. How's it going? - It's work.

That doesn't sound good. - I mean...

We got people coming and going

and it's a lot of extra stress for me,

- but it's OK. - I know, but everything

that's worthwhile, work while you're stressed,

- you know? - It takes a little...

- monkeying. - I know.

- It's fine. - I wish you sounded happier.

I should get a knife and cut this sucker up.

Are you the same...

Are you the same person I was talking to before?

OK, well, can I please be connected with them?

Ahh...

An individual plan?

No, I'm a freelance worker.

I've been on the phone for like an hour,

do I really have to go through this again?

I can call back tomorrow,

but I'm supposed to go to the doctor tomorrow.

No, I'm not going to pay out of pocket, that's ridiculous.

- What is this? - It is risotto.

- Smells so good. - Want some?

Mm-hmm.

- Mm. Mm-hmm. - Good?

- It needs something. - I don't know.

- Tastes good to me. - Lemon zest.

Yeah.

Oh, I have a meeting at eight tomorrow morning.

- Can you move the car? - Uh... Yep.

Not gonna go to the doctor, so, that's cool.

- Sarah. - Kristen.

-You need to go to the doctor. -I don't have health insurance.

- There's no point. - There's a point,

and it's keeping you healthy.

- It just makes me... - I know, I know, I know.

But I'll pay it.

- Please just go. - We could do

so many other things with that money.

It's not urgent, so I'm just gonna sort it out

- and then... - Yeah, but it'll get urgent.

It's god damn health insurance, man.

You should just be on mine and make it easy.

If we could be domestic partners,

then you could probably get on it.

Oh. Yeah.

- Yeah. How do we do that? - I don't know.

It may be more complicated than that, I don't know.

- Let me talk to HR. - OK.

- But. - Yeah, and you know,

I could look into that tomorrow, too, if you wanted.

Oh, my God, that would be amazing.

That would be. We need you covered.

Thanks for joining us here at the Spoon, Halloween edition.

Don't forget to subscribe below.

And join us next week,

when we take a little field trip.

We're going fishing, before we make fried fish tacos.

So grab your flippers, let's reel in that catch,

- and happy haunting, spirits. - And cut.

Very nice, everyone.

- OK. - Good luck with your...

- Kristen. - Yeah.

- Stepping out. - So, remember Julie

I used to work with?

- Uh, yeah, crazy Julie? - Crazy Julie.

She called me last night.

She heard about the new EP we have.

- Uh-huh. - She worked with him

about six months ago at Food Park.

Apparently, he's a sports guy. Never worked with food.

He came in, fired everybody.

-Went in a completely new direction. -Apparently, he's a real ass.

He's gonna be no different than the last guy we had six months ago

and the guy before that, it's fine, OK?

It was so simple when it was just you and me, you know?

Well, it's their call.

It's a little extra stress, but we'll get by, don't worry.

- OK. - I'm listening.

I loved it. We are almost out of here, baby.

- Let's go. - Somehow we dropped

a frame at like minute three, but we just fix that,

- then we're good. - OK.

Oh, OK, OK.

They didn't care about the music in the end?

- No they really liked it. - Really?

- Yeah, they were laughing. - Yes, yes.

- OK. Can I export? - Yep.

Sweet. A few minutes.

Not bad, Miss Sarah.

- Dream team. - Doing good, Gary.

Mm-hmm. You went to P Town, right?

- How was it? - Magical.

- And then I fucked it up. - What do you mean?

- As per usual. - Oh, God, what'd you do?

-What did you do? -I found my dad's wedding ring at my mom's.

-Uh-huh. -And I took it, and I put it in my pocket.

And then I walked to the beach, where Kristen was

with a bottle of champagne at sunset,

it was beautiful, and I pulled the ring

- out of my pocket... - What?

And handed it to her without saying anything.

What? Yes, yes, you're getting married!

No, no, no, no, that's not the...

I just wasn't thinking about it,

but she totally took... she did just what you did.

- And, now it's awkward. - So you're not getting married?

- No. - OK, good,

because I thought you said you never wanted to get married.

- I think I did say that. - I was just trying

to seem excited, but I'm actually really not.

Don't do it. Don't do it.

- Gary. - Otherwise you're gonna

have to deal with the bullshit

I'm going through right now.

- Yeah, what's happening? - Do you want to see it?

It's real, it's like actually official.

I hired a lawyer and I think I finally am getting...

- getting through this. - Oh, my God, Gary.

- I know. - Let me see.

This, my friend, is how you get divorced in New York City.

Doesn't it only take one piece of paper to get married?

Yeah, right? This is my confession of the day.

I found on YouTube, this web series that's like

- how to get divorced. - Whoa.

I know, I know.

I thought about making my own,

with gay marriage comes gay divorce.

Yes, you should totally do that.

Like one episode, I would get my tattoo removed.

-Uh-huh. -Which is like actually a really good idea.

And then you could bring me in as like a special guest

to talk about how not to get married in the first place.

Because you're so good at it.

Like, here's a ring, let's not get married.

Want like whiskey on the rocks.

- Two of them. - First round's on me, OK?

Sure.

You've arrived just in time.

- Have I? - Mm-hmm.

What's my prize?

- Tart. - Mm...

Mm, mm-hmm.

- You OK? - Mm-hmm.

Stupidly didn't sleep last night.

- Yeah, I could tell. - I'm sorry.

I'm wondering if maybe we should talk about P Town.

Yeah, OK.

Let's talk about it.

It was part of the reason I wasn't sleeping last night.

[KristeOh, God.

- OK. - I don't know.

- I just want to talk about it. - Yeah, let's do it.

What do you want to say?

Do you know who I am?

- No, who are you? - Hi, my name is Sarah Watson.

- It's lovely to meet you. - Lovely to meet you, too.

Since we just met, I don't think this proposal is a good idea.

I was ready to say yes. - Yeah, you were.

I was.

Are you?

I don't know.

I want to be with you forever.

Yeah, I want to be with you forever.

Great.

- That makes me happy. - Me, too.

Uh, it just...

My family kind of fucked me up on the whole marriage thing.

It just feels like a whole big thing

that I don't really understand.

OK.

- I have a twig in my mouth. - A twig?

Mm-hmm.

- Da-dum. - Oh, that's garnish, Sarah.

- That was rosemary garnish. - Sorry.

- Um... - What am I gonna do with you?

Shouldn't marry it.

- That's your reasoning? - I don't know.

I was talking to Gary today.

- Ooh... - Yeah, and...

You know... he's going through...

- a rough patch, obviously. - Yeah.

Um...

But we thought, maybe,

maybe we should do a doc or something.

I mean about marriage, not just...

- Divorce. - Yeah.

I mean, it's topical right now.

Mm-hmm, that's true.

I think you should do it. I think you should talk to people.

-Uh-huh. -And then I think you should figure out

why it is that you have so much confusion

around this specific topic.

You make it sound really easy.

Well... From my point of view, it is.

But I know that it's more complicated than that.

- Do it. - Yeah?

Yeah.

I'll think about it.

I think it was also...

- Could you repeat that? - OK, sorry.

What was my question again?

Did you think that marriage was something, something...

Oh, yes. I always thought I would get married.

- Um, I think it was just... - What is this for?

You know, we were talking about marriage

and exploring all that,

so the opportunity presented itself and I seized.

All of our friends that pretty much marriage was what...

OK.

So?

It's not what we talked about.

What did we talk about?

I thought we were talking about gay marriage.

These are, like, the straightest people I've ever seen.

Nothing against that, of course, but...

Right, right, right.

I thought we talked about, you know,

embracing our community and discovering, like,

- how people are dealing with... - Yeah, yeah, I guess I think...

this marriage epidemic.

- Epidemic? - It's sickly.

Yeah, I guess, I thought that was a part of it,

but I was thinking broader, but...

You're totally right, it's better if it's more specific.

If I were you, I would dedicate some time to this.

Would you do it with me?

Um...

Well, maybe it'll help.

Yeah.

I was kind of thinking...

along the same lines.

For both of us.

That's a serious camera.

Give it to me, I'll set it on the table.

-Good point, I should probably... -Put it on silent.

Actually, turn it off.

So, this can go in your pocket

or wherever is comfortable for you.

What are we signing away to now?

Our permission to photograph your...

- Likeness. - Faces.

OK.

All right. Say, we're ready when you are, Sarah.

OK, cool.

Um, so, thank you guys.

- Of course. - Thank you. Yeah.

A couple things.

If you could use my question in your answer,

in the event that, you know, my voice is not in the film.

So if I say, "Erin, what color is your shirt?"

You can say, "My shirt is blue and white."

Instead of just, "Blue and white."

- Got it. - That's a hard one to remember.

I'll remind you.

If you forget, I might ask you to say it again

with a question, so I'll just say, "Could you rephrase that for me?"

Sure.

And, yeah, this will be fun, I hope.

But... if anything, like, starts to make you uncomfortable,

you're totally allowed to say, "I don't want to talk about that."

If we start to make you uncomfortable

just let us know, then we'll tone back.

Hello.

Hello.

- What you got there? - Fruits of my labor.

You labored so hard for those fruits.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Hey...

Just new EP.

I just don't know what's gonna happen... to the show.

- Stressful. - Mm-hmm.

Chug the wine. Put on the clothes.

Shut up, come here.

It's going to be OK.

That is warm.

- Ooh. Sounds expensive. - Oh, it was.

- Yeah? - OK, open it.

Just what I've always wanted.

- I know you like ties. - Come here. Yes I do.

You can't borrow it for at least a week.

- OK. - OK.

I won't touch it. Except right now.

As I take it off of you.

♪ What the fuck is lady like? Lady like ♪

♪ Do what the... just like you ♪

♪ On my knees ♪

♪ Or on all fours ♪

♪ From underneath ♪

♪ Hear me roar ♪

♪ What the fuck is lady like? ♪

I think this one got bigger.

No.

Yes.

You should get it looked at.

I can't.

You can.

An envelope?

- Mm-hmm. - Circle and ticket inside.

Of sorts.

Cool.

- Uh... - This is...

What?

This is big, OK?

I just need you to acknowledge this is a thing.

I know. I know it's a thing.

It's also, literally, saving my life.

Agreed.

So?

Round two, hot domestic partner sex?

I don't... would you have been ready

to get married at that point?

I don't know that I was ready to get married

when you proposed, so no, I was not.

I was not ready to get married at the point

when we did the domestic partnership.

So, I mean, I think the, for me, at least,

maybe from your perspective, the advantage of not having

had the legal rights to do this,

allowed me to sort of dip my toe in the water

and say, "OK, the water's not so bad," with each step.

Domestic partnership, to me, just always seemed

so clinical a term, you know?

That, it's not exactly a loving word.

If you weren't a gay couple, you could get a domestic partnership.

You could be married or have a domestic partnership.

You had choices. We didn't have any choices.

We fought for any inkling of recognition and protection.

And so, when they say, "Here's your domestic partnership.

It's the same as marriage, don't you want this?"

It's an insult. It's almost like a business transaction,

whereas marriage has such a resonance of love

and event that brings people together to celebrate.

I don't feel any pressure to get married.

Like at all, I don't think.

- Do you? - No, I don't really feel any...

Yeah, I don't feel any pressure to get married now that it's legal.

But I know for some people it really... it's really important to them, and...

We're also just not that old yet.

- It's true. - It's true.

No one's asking us yet.

I feel like the pressure will mount

the longer we're together and the older we get.

If I knew a couple in their early 30s

who had been together for like 12 years,

I mean, I'd ask, like, "What's up?"

I just wanted to introduce myself

and talk a little bit about my role here on the show.

Thus far, I've been with the show about five, six years.

- Five years, right? - Yep.

Um... and in that time, we have really worked

at identifying who our consumer is.

And trying to steer our show,

design our show for that consumer.

Well, it looks like the first two years you guys did really well.

-Yep. -There's been a steady decline since then.

Yeah, well, there's been a little bit of saturation in the market,

but we have a lot of really interesting things coming up on the schedule.

- A lot of new ideas that... - Listen, Kristen, um...

- I have a budget to meet. - Sure.

I have deadlines.

I think that the best thing to do

- is to clean house, start over. - Sure.

Pick up the pieces, you know what I mean?

Yeah, of course, I... we've had new teams in the past

and... usually it causes a little bit of a hiccup...

Well, hopefully this is the last time.

-Sure. -I'm sure you're a great producer, Kristen,

and we've really had a great run here,

but I think I have to let you go.

Oh.

OK. Is Nina aware that this is happening?

I mean.... I've been with the show since it started.

No, I think that you could tell her.

Um... if that's difficult, maybe have her schedule a meeting with me.

[maLiving a life of joy

doesn't mean that there aren't horribly depressing days.

And so, we try to sit down and talk out the sadness.

The communication is key

because it helps you get back out of the sadness

and back into the joy.

- Does that make sense? - It makes sense.

- OK. - And breakfast.

- Breakfast. - -We always have breakfast together.

That's just part of the joy.

So I get up, once we're done cuddling, I get up,

- and I make breakfast. - And then good luck.

And the dance breaks. The dance breaks are very important.

- Mandatory dance breaks. - Yes, regular.

So the secret to being together

successfully for 30 years is: communication, cuddling,

breakfast, and dancing.

And the other secret to being together for 30 years,

I mean, I attribute it to the fact that Steven won't leave.

You wrote that a few days ago.

I love them.

Thirty years together, and the biggest fights we've had

are based on who's going to get the bigger piece of cake.

Because we always, literally, over breakfast,

he will portion out the food and I will give him the plate with more food on it.

And he says, "No, no, no, that's for you.

You take the one with more food."

And I think that's one of the reasons we have succeeded.

Because our instinct is always going outward.

Are you leaving?

Um... yeah.

I'm gonna go.

I don't... I don't feel that well.

Uh...

I don't think I can listen to

another Prince Charming tell his Prince Charming

- how much he loves him. - OK.

Um...

Have you even once considered

talking to... someone who's divorced?

Mm-hmm.

Have you set up an interview?

No.

OK.

I just let you out.

So I wrote a piece for Cosmo about my divorce,

and it came on the heels of some other media

about my divorce and the media was a little hyperbolic,

it was like, "I was one of the first gay people

to get divorced in New York."

I don't know if that's true.

It might, I mean, I guess, probably, first-ish, but,

um, so tCosmo piece came on the heels of a lot

of other media, and I felt like,

as I felt in a lot of other situations in my life,

like I was alone.

I knew the article should be about the facts,

what happened, and then how I dealt with it,

because I didn't deal with it well,

because I did have another suicidal crisis,

and I did live 10 blocks away from the George Washington Bridge,

and I did have to work through all of that,

and work through the feelings of getting a divorce,

and then the logistics of getting a divorce,

and knowing that the legal system might not have been

prepared to deal with gay divorces yet.

I kind of hate when people say like divorce turns your world upside down.

I think that's very vague. It's more like it puts the world in a blender.

Because nothing, it's like, nothing that you used to

think makes sense makes sense anymore,

and that's not to me upside down, that's more like

everything changes, everything changes.

Like, you're breaking up, it sucks for both people,

there just happens to be a legal document around it.

And I think when you commit to somebody,

like in front of your peers and like there is

an embarrassing part of it, where it's like,

what's so wrong with me that I can't, like, accept her

and love her for exactly who she is?

Like, what's wrong with, that's more than self-preservation,

like, what kept me in our relationship was,

"What's wrong with me that I can't love this woman

for exactly who she is?"

Would you get married again?

I don't know if I would get married again.

- Yeah. - Why not?

Um...

Are you excited to be a free woman?

You know you can do whatever you want.

It's going to be fine, you know.

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

- It will be. - Yeah. Yep.

Opportunities, right?

It's totally gonna be fine.

Sorry.

A little scary.

This will be fine, too.

- Promise. - OK.

When was the last time I cooked for you?

-I don't know. -If you could

do anything, what would it be?

Not have this conversation right now.

Okie dokie.

Fuck, are you fucking kidding me?

Sarah!

Sarah!

Sarah...

- Sarah! Wake up! - What?

There's gas everywhere. Get outside.

Come here. Get outside right now.

Quickly. God, what the fuck?

The fucking alarm, what is wrong with you?

You leave the fucking oven on all night?

The pilot went out. We could have fucking died!

What is wrong with you?!

Always. Always, it's me.

I always have to fucking be the one to pick us up

and keep us from fucking dying!

Are you kidding me?

We're OK.

No one died.

Thank you for waking up and saving us, but it's fine.

Hey.

We're not OK.

I lost my job today, Sarah.

- I know. - My job.

But you're gonna get another one.

Not another.

It's not that easy, you don't understand how big this is.

How much our livelihood depends on this.

How much of me depends on that.

- OK. - I can't.

OK.

- I need you to meet me. - I'm right here.

You've just got to tell me what to do.

Because you're right, I don't know all the stuff that you do.

- But I can't help... - I just need a partner.

I want to do that for you, I want to be your partner.

I can take more work. I can do that.

You've been holding us up, but I can go out there

and I can take more jobs, it's not a big deal.

I'm drowning.

- I'm drowning. - I'm not gonna let you drown.

I'm not gonna let that happen.

- We can figure this out. - It just is.

[mal think of being married as, it's a verb.

It's not... it's not an adjective.

It's something that you continually do every day.

You wake up, hopefully, next to the person

that you're married to, roll over, and say,

"Do I want to do this again today?"

And hopefully the answer is yes.

And if it's not yes, then you say to the person,

"Hey, I'm having these doubts."

Can I just see that transition again?

OK.

I know I've asked, like, six times, but...

I'd like to believe that as an officiant

who's planning a wedding ceremony with a couple,

I bring the fear.

I like to inject a little bit of uncertainty

into the room because I think the 12 weeks

leading up to a wedding as being the time where

they can be tested by the people in their lives,

and especially somebody that they probably don't know

very well, like me, kind of just asking, like,

"Why do you want to do this?" Every time they see me.

My main fear in same gender marriage

is that in a way, we are sort of whitewashing who we are

because a lot of our weddings look a lot like

the weddings that people are used to,

and I kind of want to turn during a wedding

and be like, "Oh, and also, we fuck each other in the ass."

You know?

Hey, everybody.

Uh, thank you so much for being here.

Especially late notice.

This is awesome, super helpful for us.

We were up all night. And this is totally rough.

But we want to get your thoughts

and see if our ideas are working.

So Gary's gonna pass out a questionnaire.

If you could fill that out after.

And I tucked in my shirt, so this is serious.

And I think we're good.

Let's do this.

- Baby, could you get the lights? - Mm-hmm.

So I guess my thoughts about marriage from when I was younger

were shaped by growing up in a family where the marriage

wasn't really that successful, in general.

My parents separated when I was one or two, and that's my...

[man Mine was seven, so we both had divorced families.

Yeah, I think, I mean, yeah, what does that say to a young person?

It was twofold. One, coming from a home where the marriage

wasn't necessarily a shining example, a perfect definition

of marriage, it was more the working definition of marriage

and the obligation of marriage and kids,

on top of knowing that I was gay, I never thought about it.

It was just something I always was resolved that would never happen.

Yeah, I don't know where it came from.

I don't know where the ideas came from,

but for me it was always...

I wasn't like other girls

in the sense that I wasn't dreaming up

what my wedding would look like when I was little,

but as I started to get older, I very much had that idea

of I want one person. I want a lifetime partner.

I want that... I want that Notebook shit.

- Can I cuss? - Yes.

If you're a bird, I'm a bird. That's what I wanted.

Let's just say, marriage is queer, in and of itself.

Why would we commit ourselves to being monogamous

or truly committed, emotionally, to another person?

And I think once we sort of say, like,

"This whole thing is sort of queer and weird to begin with,"

then I think it opens up tons of windows and doors

to lots of possibilities for what a marriage can be.

I think vows are really fucked up because they're really rigid,

and it's like a promise to someone that you're gonna be

the same way and do the same thing for, for forever.

Contractually obligating yourself in a relationship,

meaning like the legal definition of marriage is basically a contract, right?

And then when you want to get a divorce, it's breaking a contract.

Um... that's really expensive.

Prohibitively expensive to, perhaps, low income people.

A lot of people spend a lot of time, perhaps,

in relationships that aren't right for them

because they're married and can't afford a divorce.

I think that's a huge conversation to have

because the reality is that 50 percent of people don't make it.

Fifty percent of couples don't make it.

It's just one of those things

that we don't want to believe

can happen to us.

This always happens. It's the middle.

It's messy.

Every time, you push through it, and you have something incredible.

Just push through it, OK?

I just want to figure it out by now.

No shortcuts.

You can do it.

I have faith in you.

You have Ibuprofen?

This is a sty.

I thought you were gonna turn this in.

Can you do it tomorrow, because I need coverage by the first.

I don't think I can.

What?

Sarah, I love you.

I really love you.

And I want to take care of you.

And I want you to be healthy and happy.

So?

I want this to be bigger than a doctor's appointment and, I...

This is bigger than a doctor's appointment.

- Is it? - Yes.

Really, because it looks like you're avoiding something.

Domestic partnership is the easy way out, Sarah.

This is just so that I can have health insurance.

This has nothing to do with this other conversation.

It does, OK, it does.

It has everything to do with it.

If that happens, I'm never gonna get anything else.

I am trying, OK?

I am spending all of my time trying to figure this out.

You sent me on this journey and I'm trying to go on it,

but I don't get where the pressure is.

I want you to want to go on this journey.

I do, I'm doing it.

I am literally putting it up

in the middle of our living room and working on it.

I stayed up all night last night working on it

and I don't understand what you want from me.

That is abstract.

- This is us. - This is real.

These are real people.

And marriage is fucked up

and complicated and messy and gross

and this is what it is. If you don't like the look of that,

then I don't know what to do.

You see what you want to see.

I just want to be with you and not feel like

you're basing this relationship on whether or not

I'm going to give you a ring.

You mean so much more to me than that.

I'm not holding you hostage.

From a psychological perspective,

why does getting married feel like something

we should be striving for?

Well, first of all,

I don't think everybody strives for marriage,

but there are people who love to put on a big show.

Marriage ceremonies, big parties, are announcements to the wider world,

to the wider community, to both sides of the family,

that something is taking place and that

two people are being joined in a very public way.

For some gay people, this is a very big deal

because it used to be that those relationships were secret.

Nobody knew about those relationships.

So, for some people, being able to be openly gay,

have a big wedding, is very important.

- But again, not everybody. - Do you think that

long-term relationships are inherently problematic?

Hm.

- I'm sorry. - It's OK.

- Is that every long-term relationship is a successful

series of divorces and remarriages.

So that the couple, who they are,

many years into the relationship, are not the same

as they were when they first started out.

And unless they can negotiate those separations

and realignments of the relationship, the relationships don't work.

Life became very rote, you know,

like coming home, watching TV.

Even the same thing for dinner kind of night after night,

you know, so that there's no seeing each other anew,

you know, or planning things.

It was just, I would say, taking each other for granted

-was the best way... -It's like frustrated by patterns.

I think, like, you know, I think people

get into patterns, and I don't like patterns,

but I think sometimes it's like,

you're not only frustrated with your relationship,

but you're frustrated with yourself.

I was stagnant in my life.

I wasn't happy with anything what I was doing, you know.

It was very hard to find work.

So I think that a lot of times, just life is

leading the relationship, like things in life

start to just weigh on the relationship.

Kind of got into like a boring kind of,

we were like, wow, this is like not good.

You working from home all week?

Mm-hmm.

- You have any interviews today? - Tomorrow.

If you're in a long-term relationship,

you're going to see the person, warts and all.

You're going to see their good sides and you're going to see their bad sides.

At beginning, everybody's showing each other their good sides,

but when you start moving in together,

when you're together for a long time,

you see things you don't like.

And learning to live with parts of the other person

that you don't like is a challenge in every relationship.

Sarah.

Those little things that you,

maybe they're quirks or they're things,

I would say this; when you're in love with somebody,

you love their faults.

And when you're falling out of love with somebody

or you're not into them,

it literally is the opposite feeling.

Those faults are magnified and you're like...

Hey.

Hey.

Why are you here again?

Why are you here?

I have to go to work.

I have to go to bed.

OK.

- I love you. - I love you.

When do they take out the stitches?

That was like two weeks ago.

Well, they left one behind.

We have to get this out, otherwise it's not gonna heal.

All right, let me get my tweezers.

All right, here we go.

Ow, fuck.

This one's my favorite.

- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.

You think they're gonna take that one away, too?

No.

- It's safe. - Really?

How do you know?

- I'll keep an eye on it. - OK.

Ooh, ow. Mm-mm.

- No? - Mm-mm.

It's gotta come out.

I think, if you just leave it,

isn't it just gonna do its thing and...

No, it's not healing because it's in there,

so either I'm gonna take it out, or a doctor's gonna take it out.

- But it's gotta come out. - We wouldn't be

in this situation if I just had health insurance.

Oh, you want to have that conversation?

- Do you? - I'm tugging.

- Ow. - Sarah, it's been a month,

where are you, what's going on in that head of yours?

Uh... I don't.

-Oh my God. -You got it all

since our last conversation?

- I don't know, Kristen... - Just give me something

to go on because otherwise I'm gonna...

- Ow, fuck. - Sarah, you cannot wiggle...

-Jesus Christ. - while I'm pulling something out of you.

- It hurts. - I know it does.

Please just grit your teeth.

[Saral don't know where I am in relation to you.

I don't want to get married!

Got it.

We just weren't that couple.

Nobody suspected us ever of getting divorced.

Like everybody looked at us and said, "Oh, you're perfect."

And... but they didn't really know, you know,

no one ever knows what happens behind closed doors

and nothing terrible, nothing bad happened,

we just were slowly drifting apart.

I thought, "Oh, I could never get divorced."

I genuinely thought we would never get divorced.

Didn't even cross my... I thought,

because both of our parents were divorced, so I thought,

"Oh, we broke the spell."

We were married longer than both of our parents were.

So I thought we broke the spell.

I thought we broke the curse

and clearly we didn't, so...

I don't understand what these words mean.

- What is PNL management? - Things I did.

- Just... - OK.

Is the layout OK?

- Yeah. - OK.

I mean, it's impressive, I just... don't recognize you.

What?

Yeah, I mean, it's like.

Do you want to keep doing this stuff?

It's what pays the bills, baby.

- Looks good. - OK, sending it.

You came from The Spoon.

Mm-hmm.

Now you're at the rival.

Yeah, well.

I was wiThe Spoon for quite a long time,

I was with them for almost six years.

- And... - So why did you leave?

What are you looking for?

I was looking to go in another direction.

Hmm. Like what? What do you want?

What would you love to bring to this show?

Your show seems so steady and so, um...

I've been loving your content lately.

Oh, great, great. What do you love?

- Um... - What would you like to add?

- What do you think we need? - Well, I think...

If I could create your dream job, what would it be?

Um...

Stream of consciousness, I'll take anything.

I've never been asked that in an interview before, so...

Impress me, why do I want to hire you?

It's an interview, it's an interview.

I...

- Well... - What do you want?

I had to deal with my ego in a new way in your 30s.

You have like a... in your 30s you have a self-perception.

I had a self-perception that I was very diplomatic,

that I was very even keeled that I knew how to communicate.

And then this transition came upon me

where I felt like my identity was gutted.

It really bares you out on the table.

And I could feel the film of it like on me,

like, "Oh, you're not being yourself."

And it was really strange to feel that way for a number of months.

[SaraWhat was it that allowed you to come out of that?

[womal think what allowed me to come out of that

sort of hardened period was just an acceptance that things take time.

A sort of, like, lesson of trusting the process.

That processes are actually slow.

Confronting my own impatience was really important.

And actually just being OK with things as they are

and not having to push for a certain outcome,

not having to aggressively be proactive about something and stimulated.

Mimi?

- Ah! Hey. - Hey.

- Ah! - How are you?

- I'm good. - It's so good to see you.

It's good to see you, too.

- How you been? - I'm good. I need you.

- Come, come, come. - OK, where are we going?

- Yes, take a look. - Whoa.

- Take a look. Look at the sign. - Do these open?

- Yes, it opens up. - Cool.

- Can you imagine? It's gonna be great. - That's awesome.

- See? - Oh, my God.

- See this? Welcome to 348 Quiet. - This is amazing.

- Yes, you like? - Yes.

OK, so the dining room is over there.

- The bar is right there. - Look at all this brick,

- these rafters. - I know. I'm going rustic.

- So that was the show kitchen. - Yeah.

- This is the real kitchen. - Oh, yeah.

Where the ugly stuff happens.

Yeah, I figure about four people can fit back here.

This oven was a bitch to get in here.

It's giant and pretty well worn.

- Yes, it's yours. - But they did it and it's mine.

- Can I see your menu? - What menu?

You don't have one yet?

You're not impressed.

Not that I'm not impressed, there's a lot here.

OK, what do you like?

- Oh, God... - OK... No, no, no, no.

I, OK... I've never started a restaurant before.

But...

- Right. - There's an arugula salad

at every motherfucking restaurant on the street.

- Yeah, OK. - You need two?

- No... all right. - No, no you don't.

When you go to a restaurant, what do you want to eat?

- Comfort food. - Comfort food?

- Yeah. - OK, what does that mean?

- You know, lasagna. - OK.

When do you open?

Next week.

Oh, I don't like it when you look at me like that.

- Next week, Mimi? - Yes, yes, yes...

Come on.

- I know, it's bad. - Time's a wasting.

All right, let's... we're gonna do some menu tests right now.

- OK. - We have a whole kitchen.

- Right... Right now? - Right this very instant.

- Really? - Yep.

- Tell me what to do. - All right, really?

We're gonna... OK. All right.

All right, uh... Let's make pasta.

- Pasta. - Pasta, yeah.

- All right, OK. - Tell me what to do, chef.

It's your kitchen.

So, we're gonna need flour.

- Mm-hmm. - Eggs, and some salt.

-Where can I find... -The salt is over there in the corner.

Let's get some cheese.

-OK, I like this, I like this. -Let's raise the stakes a little.

I'm gonna call in some taste testers.

- Help us make some decisions. - I like.

To me, it was always very strange that the right to marry

trumped the urgency of something, like,

anti-discrimination bills, you know?

It's still legal to deny a trans person housing.

It's still legal to fire someone for being trans.

It's still illegal in some states for LGBT parents to adopt.

It's so strange to me that there wasn't more urgency

in taking care of those things before we were, like...

Yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry I'm late.

- That's OK. - It's not my fault.

- It's cool. - Yeah. Thank you.

- What's going on? - Um, new interview.

- With the marriage counselor. - Yeah, it was so good.

- Really? - Yeah, he was so interesting.

He's kind of, well, you'll see.

- OK. - Yeah.

I want to watch and then talk about it, OK?

[ma... series of divorces and remarriages.

- Good lighting. - Thank you.

Crisis when there is a breakdown in communication.

If one of the members of the couples is...

been thinking about getting married,

and the other one has never been thinking about getting married,

but it's been a private internal conversation,

it would be a surprise to the other person and the person who...

Goddamn it.

- I have to, this is Mark. - OK.

Hi, Mark, thank you for calling me back.

Yes.

-May have the expectation of the other person.

All right, OK, so we did

variations on mac and cheese.

-Yum. -So, on our way down,

we have a take on queso.

So it's like nacho queso, almost, but applied to mac and cheese.

Over here, we have a butternut squash mac and cheese.

- Smells amazing. - Fried sage and thyme.

And down here we have horse radish, cheddar, with bacon,

so it's like a Pennsylvania Dutch exploration.

Don't mind us as we stare at you while you eat.

Mimi's really looking for this, like, comfort food vibe,

something that makes you feel warm, you know?

Come home after a long day, what do you want to eat?

Only one can go on the menu, all right?

So which one is it that you like?

The sage, like, blows me out of the water.

- Really? - -I'm a sucker for butternut squash.

- Really? - Soft in the middle.

It's like the perfect combination of textures.

You guys. You guys.

This one right here, she made this, her idea.

- Thank you so much. - We have a dish.

They're applauding you.

I'm not bothered by the applause for her,

I'm not, I'm not, this is good.

All right.

-The more you say it, the more I believe you.

Kristen's mac and cheese on the menu, all right?

All right, let's not get too crazy, guys, OK.

I like this direction. Thank you.

Mm-hmm. OK. Bye.

You ready?

Let's get this done.

Why did you turn it off?

I think I'm good.

You're good, we just got here.

I thought we were working on the counselor.

Yeah, I did it, I think.

- Without me? - You were busy.

You're going through a lot right now.

- Say it. - And I get that.

What am I going through?

- You're getting divorced. - Thank you.

I think that's the first time you've actually said that.

That's it, right? You don't need anything else from me today?

I think you should go home and take care of your stuff.

You're being a shitty friend.

It's like you don't want to know what I feel anymore.

I...

am losing...

the closest thing I've had to me

and... I don't know what's gonna happen.

I'm really sorry.

But I just feel like every time you come in here,

I'm picking at a wound if I'm bringing it up.

You know, I don't want to make it worse, I don't...

I don't know what to do.

Why don't you fucking embrace it?

- Like this? - Yes.

[GarYou're gonna hate me, but I think, more and more,

this is becoming about you.

And I think....

Sarah's buying tickets.

She doesn't know I have the camera out, but... Oh yeah, here she comes.

Hey, lady. I got it out, I figured we could just start here.

All righty, then.

- You got tickets? - I do.

Cool, where are we going?

We're gonna go upstate to see my mom.

- Nice. - Yeah.

Uh, why are we going to see my mom?

Well, she's probably gonna feed us. Which is great.

But we're also gonna ask her some uncomfortable questions

about her marriage and her divorce.

Yeah, let's start with asking you some uncomfortable questions.

Oh, great.

Why am I so afraid of marriage?

Is it because my parents got divorced? Maybe.

Am I afraid of ending up like them? Probably.

So we're gonna go talk to my mom,

see if maybe she has some answers.

-Mm-hmm. -Maybe I'll learn something or not.

You could always just give her back the ring and be done with it.

Maybe, no, seriously, maybe it's like got bad juju on it

and we should just toss it back to her.

-The basement. -Got to put a ring on that finger, huh?

I don't know.

Well, you've been in love for a while, right?

- Would you say you're in love? - Yes, of course, I'm in love.

Will you say that again?

I am in love with Kristen Jennings.

Yes, that's how I want to hear it.

And she wants me to marry her.

- Hm... - So...

- So? - I have to figure it out.

- Hi there. - Hi.

What's going on?

I want to be a chef.

- OK. - Um, so...

The other night at Mimi's, um, I,

when we were working, got into a rhythm

and then the next day I talked to her about it

and I was like, felt like I made some big choices

and I was able to keep up, you know?

She was saying that, you know,

it's her restaurant, she can do what she wants,

but she can make room for me on the line,

and, you know, just because I'm really green

and she could get my skills up to snuff,

and I know how to do basic stuff.

I... my bouschenel is better than hers, trust me.

But, you know, like get me there,

and then there'd be room for me to move up

and she said I could possibly start on Wednesday.

- Next Wednesday. - Next Wednesday.

I was scared to tell you.

- Why? - I don't know.

It was just a lot, I needed it to be like tied up.

- OK. - Before I did.

You know I don't need things to be tied up, right?

I know.

- But... - This is what you want to do?

- Feedback. - This is what you want to do?

- I mean, yeah. - Yeah?

I... it's been a rough month.

- And... - It's OK.

It's not.

But... I was really happy.

And I felt like I was making something.

I was working towards something that I cared about.

It was one night and I was already was...

- I really want to try. - Yeah.

[maTo a certain degree, it's about growth,

it's about understanding that each of you will grow

on your own paths,

and if you allow yourselves to grow on your own paths,

you can grow together.

It's not about making sure

you grow at the same level or speed that I do.

Um, and I think that's a big part of what has kept us in our relationship,

is we're different people than we were 15 years ago.

I want to go back, quickly,

to your ideas of marriage when you were growing up.

When I was a kid,

I never imagined myself being married, actually.

I had lots of fantasies about the careers that I would have.

And never imagined myself with a family.

So what changed for you?

I met John.

We were in love.

It was fast and furious and consuming.

You know, I got pregnant, and we were really caught up

in the magic of what we could be together.

- Yes, more please. - No, it's too big.

- I want to see it. - They ordered the whole,

they ordered the wrong size.

- What? - Like...

Let me see.

Why are you making that face?

I can't do this, what am I doing?

Yes, you can. Come here.

It's not so bad.

- It's a little silly. - Yeah, you think?

But no one is gonna care once you're lighting things on fire.

You know that I'll be committed for arson.

You know what I mean.

So, I know that you got married for love and passion

and all those reasons, but I never saw any of that.

All I remember, really, was fighting and then distance.

What were the fights about?

The fights were about him

not doing what I thought we'd agreed on.

-The deal that we had made, um... -What was the deal?

He was gonna pursue music.

He wanted to be a musician and I was gonna

support the family so he could do that.

And I would come home and he hadn't really done anything.

And maybe he was working it on his own time,

but I think that kind of uncovered for us

some aspects in one another that we didn't know

and we started to grow apart.

You're being very diplomatic.

Um... what do you want me to say,

that we, like, we hated each other

and wanted to hurt each other, it wasn't like that.

You can talk about it in retrospect, sure,

there's distance, but at the time, what did it feel like?

It felt like all of a sudden I didn't fully know this person

and realized that possibly

he wasn't my partner for life.

I had great respect for him in many ways,

but the more I knew of him, the less I could

see myself with him for my whole life.

- Do you regret marrying John? - Absolutely not.

It was a step in my life that contributes to who I am.

And what I know about myself.

And I don't think I would have learned some of those things any other way.

He was who he was.

And I reacted to that

in good ways and in bad ways, and that's part of the fabric of who I am.

And those years are important to me.

You've always talked about John as the guy that walked away.

Did you... how could you reconcile that?

He...

I see him as having walked away from you...

more than me.

He and I decided that we couldn't stay married,

that it wasn't right for either of us.

I never told him to disappear from our lives.

And I don't forgive him

for disappearing from your life.

I was hurt for you about that.

I want your stomachs tight, engaged.

Chest up, grab that red knob and turn it up.

Make it a little bit harder for you, a little bit more fun.

So the supplier just had, like, a crazy cherry crop,

I guess, but sent us so many extra cherries last week,

and so we started pickling them all.

And we did kimchi sour cherries.

- What? - Right?

It sounds insane, but it was so good.

And Damon like tossed them into the ferro salad yesterday.

Oh, my God, it has to go on the menu.

Christina lost her mind about it.

I really want to meet all these people.

Yeah, Damon, I don't know, he has really good ideas.

I'm into it. You should come.

It's been crazy since the review, but we can always make room for you, girl.

- Oh, thanks. - You got it.

I'm gonna go buy more classes, because we're out.

OK, thanks. Is it possible to not do a nine AM package?

Um... I think the next one is at 12,

which is too late for you, right?

Nine AM so early.

I know, but then we can go have breakfast and see each other.

- See each other, huh? - Mm-hmm.

- OK. - I'll be back.

Hold on just a second. All right. Rolling.

Talk to me, girl.

Where are you going?

Uh, we're going to my dad's house.

Your dad's house, huh?

When was the last time you saw your dad?

Mm, like, 10 years ago.

Damn. That's a long time.

Jesus Christ, Gary, do we have to do this right now?

Just get this shit out of my....

We're going the right road.

Calm the fuck down.

- Are you nervous? - Maybe.

I need my soup, Jared, where's my soup?

- Yes, chef. - Two, two soups.

Two soups. Should I start in on the salmon?

No, no, no, then we need three asparagus,

one suanee... two for suanee, please.

- Got it. - I need that pan

screened and hot before you put it in, OK?

-Gotcha. -We're gonna finish with the green garlic.

- Green garlic today. - It's crazy out there.

- Yes it is, chef. - How's it going?

Going great, thank you.

- Wonderful. - How's the soup?

Soup's great, would you like a taste?

- Yes. - Great, behind you.

Behind.

Behind. Here.

OK. A little cinnamon, a little nutmeg.

- Cinnamon. Nutmeg, yes, chef. - Behind.

Behind Toss that for me, please.

- Gotcha, chef. - And then Jared,

I need a burger, rare, kortato, please.

- Got it. No queso. - No queso. No queso.

He lives here alone?

Mm-hmm.

- Here we are. - Here we are.

- Um... - Shall we go?

Is it OK if I go first?

Oh, you don't want me to come in right now?

I want you, I need you there, but not right now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, take your time

- and I'll just chill here. - OK.

Oh, my God, she's a wreck.

This is Sarah meeting her dad for the first time in 10 years,

and she looks like she's gonna shit her pants.

He's home, OK, here we go.

Damn, Daddy, you're tall.

What's wrong?

Oh, no.

All right. This is gonna be good.

Oh. Oh, God.

This is cool. So...

We'll bring in equipment and set up.

- Shouldn't take very long. - OK, OK, good.

OK.

- Good. - OK.

Oh, God, what's wrong, Sarah?

Oh, my God, fuck.

I'm glad it's so easy to make, too.

Sixty covers in two hours,

is that some sort of record for you?

For me?

Yes, but, you know what, we got through it.

Yeah, thanks for leading me through the weeds.

Any time, baby.

And the special, it's damn good.

You liked it? I think hazelnuts and capers,

they have to be together.

- There's something about it... - Right?

Hey, I'm gonna grab a smoke. - Yeah. I'll meet you out there.

How you doing, chef?

- Hey, Jared. - Hi, chef.

- Hello. - How are you?

- I'm good. - Yeah?

- Nice job tonight. - Thank you.

- Very good. - Appreciate it.

I'm proud of you, look at you.

-Thank you. -Look at you,

you're, like, bad ass sous chef

-in three months. -Bad ass? All right, I'll take it.

Yeah, yes, I'm really proud of you.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Couldn't have done it without you.

I thought about a vacation last night.

- I said... - You earned one.

If I go on vacation, I would trust you.

To just run the place.

- Thank you, chef. - If I go on vacation.

If you go on... and that's a big if, but...

- Yeah, yeah. - Thank you.

But thank you. You're doing awesome.

- Appreciate it. - You're great, you're awesome.

Superstar!

All right, so I'm just gonna clip this to your shirt, if that's OK.

- OK. - You comfortable?

Yeah, yeah.

It's OK.

Um, so I'll just ask questions,

but if you could use the question in your answer,

so if I'm like, "John, what color is your shirt?"

- You say, "My shirt is gray." - My shirt is...

- Rather than just, gray. - Gray.

- OK. - OK, you good?

Cool.

- Do I look at you? - You look at me, yeah.

- OK. - Um, so, hi.

- Hi. - John, um...

Why did you decide to get married?

I decided to get married because we fell in love.

OK. And how long were you married?

- Three years. - What happened?

Uh, well, what happened was we, you know,

sort of grew apart a little bit.

What were you learning about each other

that made you grow apart?

Well, the big thing was my interest in music

kind of increased and I wanted to, you know,

really do that for my career and that was hard.

Did music make you happy?

Yeah, it really did.

And I was a little obsessed with it.

And I wasn't, you know, to be fair to her,

I wasn't when we first, you know, knew each other.

It was, it just became a stronger drive.

Do you feel like your interest in music

and your obsession, as you called it,

-did that draw you away from her? -Yeah.

Could you use the question for me?

Yeah, my obsession with music drew me away from her.

I wouldn't call it an obsession,

I think she called it one, but I mean,

looking back, you know, it was just driving me

and I think if she had been supportive of it,

it would have been different.

Fuck.

- Sorry, sorry. - It's OK.

- Hi. - Hi.

How was your day?

Good, long. How was your day?

Which one?

You smell like cigarettes.

That's all in your imagination.

Just don't stay up too late, OK?

I have to go to class.

Okie dokie.

Fight for it! Fight for it! Fight for it!

Seven.

Six.

Five.

So...

You got... You got divorced.

You both agreed on it.

Was it hard for you to leave?

No.

It was oddly not.

I think we were both, you know...

- What wasn't hard? - To leave.

It wasn't that hard to leave

because I think we were both like...

And then I know I felt a release and a relief.

Was it hard to leave your kid?

Yeah.

Could you repeat that for me?

Yeah, it was hard to leave you.

What was hard about it?

Um...

This feels awkward.

- You OK? - Yeah.

- Can we keep going? - Yeah.

- Are you sure? - Yeah, yeah.

- No, I'm fine. - OK.

Sorry this is intense.

It's OK. It's OK, it's my fault.

Sarah, can you check his mic,

- I'm getting a rustle. - Yeah.

Just put this down a little bit.

I just want you to know that you were...

Yeah...

- It's OK. - No, it was just hard to...

to leave because of you and so...

I think that should be good, yeah.

- It sounds better. - Are you OK?

- Yeah. - Keep going?

- Yeah, yeah. - OK.

- Uh, it sounds good, Gary? - Yeah, perfect.

OK, so you... you got to know each other

and that meant that...

you weren't necessarily right for one another.

What kind of things did you learn about yourself,

or did you learn about her, that made the relationship break apart?

- Beat my high score. - You did?

- Yes. - I'm so proud.

And... they were doing two-for-one special,

so I got us ten more classes.

- Oh, no. - Oh, no?

- Hey, Sarah. - Yes.

- I can't do a nine AM class. - What?

- Why? - I get home too late.

I'm home at like 4:30

and I don't fall asleep 'til five.

I can't wake up at eight to spin.

But you don't like any of the other classes.

Does Raven teach any other time?

Mm-mm.

Only like weekdays in the middle of the day.

I liked having a thing with you.

Sorry, girl.

So no more?

Hi.

- Would you take this? - Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

Why are you doing this?

- What the documentary? - Yeah.

Um...

- Remember that? - Yes, oh, my God.

- Where'd you find this? - Mom's house.

So, that brought up this whole marriage thing with Kristen.

Yeah...

She really wants to get married.

And how do you feel?

I really want her to be happy.

And I love her so much.

But...

I don't know, what if...?

What if I screw it up?

I think it's really good that we came here.

Waiting for Sarah to finish talking with John.

I think we got what we needed.

We'll see if she's happy but...

I'm gonna ask her...

if she's found...

a conclusion. Oh.

I'm really glad I got married.

- Really? - Yes.

We were very much in love, and things changed later,

but for, you know, it was good... while it lasted, as they say.

You came.

- Would you do it again? - Yes.

- Can I keep it? - Yes.

Thank you.

I should probably go help Gary.

OK.

- It was nice to see you. - Good to see you, too.

- I'll see ya? - Yeah. Yeah.

OK.

- Bye. - Bye.

- Hello? Hey. - Hey.

Hey, the investors came through.

I got the money. I'm opening in Seattle.

-That's awesome, that's great, congrats. -Yes! Yes!

OK, all right, so. I need you to go to Seattle.

- To do what? - It's yours.

The menu. The hiring.

I want you to be the head chef.

- What? - OK, listen.

I know it's big, all right?

But I was thinking about this, you understand me,

you get what I'm trying to do, I need you to go.

Oh, my God, I thought you were joking.

No, no, I'm not gonna joke about that.

Mimi, I don't know how to do that.

I know you can do this.

-Oh, my God. -It's farm to

table, you pick up the menu...

It would be my restaurant.

I would have, it's like tiny,

it's like 15 seats,

but I would design my own menu

and there's actually a budget.

I could have a wine cellar

and I could train all my own staff

- and pick everything and... - OK, wait, wait, wait.

Could you just... Go back a little bit.

Mimi's opening another restaurant?

Yeah, it was sort of up in the air,

we didn't know if funding would come through,

but she got it, and it's in Seattle.

They really want her to expand to the west coast,

and... but she has to be here, so...

- In Seattle. - In Seattle.

I mean...

Want to... Want to come on an adventure with me?

Coffee, fog, grunge.

-You're like there already. -I mean, I want to talk with you about it,

but, yes, it's like fucking huge.

Yeah, um...

I think I'm so proud of you.

You're amazing.

You're... on your way. Um...

Why do you seem so sad?

Because I don't remember the last time, like,

had a real conversation about anything.

What, what, what's happening?

I mean...

You are doing all of these amazing things

and you're happy and that makes me happy.

But I don't really know what our relationship is anymore

because I never see you.

I know.

I think this could be an opportunity for us to

make space for each other.

I could actually delegate a little.

You know, Mimi's home by 11 every night, by the way.

I don't feel like I'm a part of this new person that you are,

and maybe that's just what it is,

- but... - You're my partner.

How?

What?

- Got ya a present. - My God, you're a lunatic.

Get in here.

- You're the best. - You deserve it.

Let's do this.

Yeah.

- So? - So.

How do you feel?

That's it, right?

- Got a lot. - Yeah.

- You're gonna have to edit it. - I can do my job.

-Mm. I know. -So you're done asking questions?

I'm never gonna ask another question in my life.

Good. Because I have a question for you.

Just one, you promised, so...

You ready?

Sarah...

I would like to know...

and please answer in full sentence so we know

what the question was.

Now that you have finished your investigation on marriage,

what are you gonna do?

I would do it.

If I felt like we were OK.

So, I'm just saying I want to fix us before I say yes.

I want to work through this with you.

But I also was just given this incredible opportunity

that I want to chase,

and you've always chased things, and I've never...

I've been chained to a desk my whole fucking life.

I've just been doing things I had to do.

- I know, but... - I feel like it's my turn.

This isn't gonna work if one of us isn't happy.

If one of us is just following the other around,

that's not what a marriage is about,

so we have to fix what we're doing here together

before we make a big decision like this.

You're right.

I feel like...

I've been the unhappy one for a while.

And that wasn't fair.

But just because you were unhappy,

doesn't mean that now I should...

No.

No, you're right, but...

I worked through it, for us.

I want to work through this for us.

Here first.

I don't know what you want from me.

I feel like I'm finally happy.

So maybe your happiness just doesn't include me, you know?

Your self was more important than your marriage.

Yes.

And I think that there is someone out there

I can really fully be myself with and be married to.

I'm not choosing to never be married.

Im choosing to be myself,

fully, for the first time, maybe ever.

- OK. - OK.

I'll be back.

- Oh my God. - What, what?

- Sarah! - Here, I'll take your picture.

Come here.

- Come here, my little star. - One, two.

Oh, you look good. Three.

Don't sound so surprised.

- Get in here. - One, two, three.

I came to a point where there were plenty of reasons to stay,

and there were plenty of reasons to leave.

And I couldn't figure it out in my mind.

If I leave, wow, you know, I may leave my heart behind.

I thought it could go either way, you know,

I could sort of continue my life without her,

wherever that will lead,

or do I want to be with that again or not?

Can I let go of that or is there more there?

Sarah, come on, they're waiting for you.

- Oh, yes. - We have a screening.

Goddamn it, Gary.

- That's the greatest love. - Yeah.

I love you enough to have you go wherever you need to go.

- Hi, chef. - Hey.

I need an answer.

You need it now?

Are you going to Seattle?

I thought about it.

My answer...

is...

My main fear about same gender marriage

and all of the progress that we've made

is that we think that it's over.

That we think that LGBTQ equality has been won

and that A, everybody is happy that we got this,

and B, that there aren't more battles to be fought.

And so, while we are baking wedding cakes

and planning weddings and kind of getting ready

to meet the person that we're gonna spend

the rest of our lives with, and have it celebrated by society,

we're ignoring tons of people

who actually are fighting for their lives

instead of trying to figure out

how they're gonna plan their wedding.

And I think we have to hold both of those things in tension.