Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:01,900
Previously on "Splitting
Up Together"...
2
00:00:01,906 --> 00:00:05,204
We're pulling the plug. The on-duty
parent will live in the main house.
3
00:00:05,210 --> 00:00:07,284
The off-duty parent will
be living in the garage.
4
00:00:07,290 --> 00:00:09,195
You want to blame everything
on Lena when, in fact,
5
00:00:09,201 --> 00:00:10,892
you didn't dance with
your wife at your wedding.
6
00:00:10,898 --> 00:00:12,531
I didn't dance with
her at our wedding.
7
00:00:12,537 --> 00:00:14,281
- That's what you think our problem was?
- Kind of.
8
00:00:14,287 --> 00:00:15,797
Now, remember. The
most important rule
9
00:00:15,803 --> 00:00:17,983
about dancing has nothing
to do with dancing.
10
00:00:17,989 --> 00:00:20,977
If you don't keep me in
your gaze, I might get lost.
11
00:00:20,983 --> 00:00:23,667
You just explained
why my marriage failed.
12
00:00:23,673 --> 00:00:25,781
I want to be with
someone who's into me.
13
00:00:25,787 --> 00:00:27,043
I'm someone's mother.
14
00:00:27,049 --> 00:00:29,892
Motherhood and
sexuality can't coexist?
15
00:00:31,668 --> 00:00:34,058
Crazy part is, I've
seen you wipe things.
16
00:00:34,064 --> 00:00:37,083
I've witnessed it
happening. Didn't take.
17
00:00:37,425 --> 00:00:40,659
- There's always this filmy residue.
- O-kay.
18
00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:43,143
That's me. I'm the residue guy.
19
00:00:43,149 --> 00:00:44,354
And you always will be
20
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,448
till you learn how to wipe
harder, like you mean it.
21
00:00:46,454 --> 00:00:47,658
I mean it!
22
00:00:47,664 --> 00:00:50,561
- I mean, I meant it when I wiped it.
- No, you didn't.
23
00:00:51,036 --> 00:00:53,057
Watch. Learn.
24
00:00:53,908 --> 00:00:55,504
- Ooh.
- Oh. wow.
25
00:00:55,510 --> 00:00:57,302
- Did you see that follow-through?
- Ooh!
26
00:00:58,414 --> 00:01:00,495
Man, I don't think
I've ever wiped anything
27
00:01:00,501 --> 00:01:02,000
with that much commitment.
28
00:01:03,486 --> 00:01:07,330
But I promise that I will
wipe harder next time.
29
00:01:07,336 --> 00:01:08,536
That's all I ask.
30
00:01:12,219 --> 00:01:13,518
So, it's kind of fun
31
00:01:13,524 --> 00:01:16,229
that we're both single
at the same time, right?
32
00:01:16,235 --> 00:01:17,435
Yeah.
33
00:01:18,129 --> 00:01:20,936
Maybe we could do some fun...
34
00:01:21,136 --> 00:01:24,036
- single sister things together.
- _
35
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,746
_
36
00:01:25,847 --> 00:01:27,753
- "Wok of Shame."
- Single men,
37
00:01:27,759 --> 00:01:29,555
imitation Crab Rangoon.
38
00:01:30,433 --> 00:01:31,949
- You in?
- I don't know, Maya.
39
00:01:31,955 --> 00:01:34,442
Both those things sound kinda...
40
00:01:34,839 --> 00:01:36,754
- sad?
- Oh, they are.
41
00:01:37,566 --> 00:01:39,667
Well, what happened to
that guy you met on Tinder?
42
00:01:39,673 --> 00:01:40,873
Rudy?
43
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,735
Maya! Maya!
44
00:01:46,829 --> 00:01:48,556
Ah. Ah.
45
00:01:50,587 --> 00:01:52,090
Forgot your phone charger.
46
00:01:52,697 --> 00:01:54,698
I could've just
gotten it next time.
47
00:01:54,894 --> 00:01:57,909
Y-Yeah. Um, about that...
48
00:01:58,799 --> 00:02:01,001
Are you (BLEEP) kidding me, Rudy?
49
00:02:01,327 --> 00:02:02,960
And it's not just Rudy.
50
00:02:02,966 --> 00:02:05,457
I mean, every guy,
really, is the worst.
51
00:02:05,463 --> 00:02:07,357
So will you please come
with me to this thing
52
00:02:07,363 --> 00:02:09,340
so then maybe we could
meet some more of them?
53
00:02:09,346 --> 00:02:10,835
The thing is, Maya, that I...
54
00:02:10,841 --> 00:02:12,862
I kind of already
met someone I like.
55
00:02:12,868 --> 00:02:14,638
You already met someone you like?
56
00:02:16,748 --> 00:02:18,169
There's two guys on here.
57
00:02:18,175 --> 00:02:20,050
Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Not the doctor.
58
00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,154
The hot young guy, Wes.
59
00:02:24,154 --> 00:02:25,966
Oh. I know what this is.
60
00:02:26,263 --> 00:02:28,276
Uh, Lena...
61
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:30,263
sometimes really ugly people
62
00:02:30,269 --> 00:02:32,570
use photos of really
not-ugly people
63
00:02:32,576 --> 00:02:34,259
to just try to lure you in.
64
00:02:34,662 --> 00:02:36,762
That's actually how I met Rudy.
65
00:02:36,768 --> 00:02:38,971
- Are you talking about...
- You're being catfished.
66
00:02:38,977 --> 00:02:41,742
- I'm not being catfished.
- Said everyone on the show "Catfish."
67
00:02:41,748 --> 00:02:43,577
I'm not on the show "Catfish,"
68
00:02:43,583 --> 00:02:46,678
and I didn't meet either of
those guys on an app or online.
69
00:02:46,684 --> 00:02:49,845
- I met them in person.
- You mean in... real life?
70
00:02:49,851 --> 00:02:51,687
Yeah. And the doctor is nice.
71
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:53,312
I just... I feel like I have
72
00:02:53,318 --> 00:02:55,390
more sexual chemistry
with the young guy.
73
00:02:55,396 --> 00:02:57,687
- Oh, sexual chemistry.
- Yeah. And it's like he...
74
00:02:57,693 --> 00:03:00,109
definitely takes me
outside of my comfort zone.
75
00:03:00,115 --> 00:03:01,315
Oh.
76
00:03:01,321 --> 00:03:04,246
So, you've been single
for like 14 seconds,
77
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:07,463
and you've already been
outside of your comfort zone?
78
00:03:07,736 --> 00:03:10,162
Well, not all the way
outside of my comfort zone.
79
00:03:10,477 --> 00:03:12,680
That's kind of what I was
hoping to do next weekend.
80
00:03:12,686 --> 00:03:14,398
Oh. Of course. Right.
81
00:03:19,685 --> 00:03:23,074
? Keep giving me hope
for a better day ?
82
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:26,581
? Keep giving me
love to find a way ?
83
00:03:26,667 --> 00:03:30,786
? Through this heaviness
I feel, I just need ?
84
00:03:30,792 --> 00:03:36,209
- ? Someone to say everything's okay ?
- Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com -
85
00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:38,598
- ? Everything's okay ?
- That kid is such a poser.
86
00:03:38,604 --> 00:03:40,374
- Who? McManus?
- He thinks he's so great
87
00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:41,958
just 'cause he's got syphilis.
88
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,187
Did you say "syphilis"?
89
00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:48,062
- Syphilis.
- Syphilis.
90
00:03:48,068 --> 00:03:49,637
Syphilis. It's an STD.
91
00:03:49,740 --> 00:03:52,476
Thank you, Jules. I
know that it's an STD.
92
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,751
Um, I just didn't know
that anyone still got it
93
00:03:54,757 --> 00:03:56,948
except for
17th-century courtesans.
94
00:03:56,954 --> 00:04:00,331
Why would anyone think they're
so great for having syphilis?
95
00:04:00,337 --> 00:04:03,257
Well, because the girl
he says he got it from
96
00:04:03,352 --> 00:04:05,758
- is Brooke Benaroche.
- Brooke Benaroche?
97
00:04:05,764 --> 00:04:07,360
Brooke Benaroche is the
hottest girl in school.
98
00:04:07,366 --> 00:04:09,151
She has a tattoo of
Ganesh on her pelvis.
99
00:04:09,157 --> 00:04:11,868
Ganesh is an elephant. Kind
of like Babar, but Hindu.
100
00:04:12,149 --> 00:04:13,610
Thank you, Jules.
Thank you so much.
101
00:04:13,616 --> 00:04:15,388
You're welcome, Ms.
Wagner. And may I say
102
00:04:15,394 --> 00:04:17,024
you are wearing the hell
out of those sweatpants.
103
00:04:17,030 --> 00:04:19,923
Okay. Do you see that? That's
why half of you have syphilis.
104
00:04:19,929 --> 00:04:22,001
Mom, relax. None
of us have syphilis.
105
00:04:22,007 --> 00:04:24,220
Yeah, I mean, Mason hasn't
even frenched a girl,
106
00:04:24,226 --> 00:04:25,924
so y-you really got
nothing to worry about.
107
00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:27,135
- Ohh!
- Ohh! Ohh!
108
00:04:27,141 --> 00:04:29,343
Oh, okay. All right. Yuk it up.
109
00:04:29,421 --> 00:04:31,223
But, uh, homey's
onto something here,
110
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:35,090
because the only way to avoid
a nasty STD like syphilis
111
00:04:35,096 --> 00:04:36,823
is by being abstinent.
112
00:04:37,216 --> 00:04:40,321
- Like my killer here, Mason.
- Okay, oh, Mom, you're not helping.
113
00:04:40,521 --> 00:04:42,320
Okay. Come on, guys. Let's go.
114
00:04:42,326 --> 00:04:44,812
All right, well, if you do
smash, wrap it up, gents.
115
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,919
Wrap it up. All right?
116
00:04:46,925 --> 00:04:48,459
And limit your number of...
117
00:04:49,925 --> 00:04:51,536
sexual partners!
118
00:04:54,934 --> 00:04:57,001
? Can't keep my hands to myself ?
119
00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:03,112
? Think I'll dust 'em off,
put 'em back up on the shelf ?
120
00:05:03,492 --> 00:05:06,180
? In case my little
baby girl is in need ?
121
00:05:06,477 --> 00:05:08,777
? Am I coming out of left field? ?
122
00:05:08,915 --> 00:05:11,703
? Ooh, ooh, I'm a rebel
just for kicks, now ?
123
00:05:11,883 --> 00:05:14,923
? I've been feelin'
it since 1966, now ?
124
00:05:14,991 --> 00:05:18,019
? Might be over now,
but I feel it still ?
125
00:05:20,831 --> 00:05:23,932
? Ooh, ooh, I'm a rebel
just for kicks, now ?
126
00:05:23,938 --> 00:05:26,947
? Let me kick it
like it's 1986, now ?
127
00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:30,171
? Might be over now,
but I feel it still ?
128
00:05:30,177 --> 00:05:33,370
? Might've had your fill,
but I feel it still ?
129
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:35,332
You, sir, are a dancer.
130
00:05:35,338 --> 00:05:37,045
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
131
00:05:37,051 --> 00:05:38,375
You're really good.
132
00:05:39,107 --> 00:05:40,307
Well, damn.
133
00:05:41,158 --> 00:05:43,668
We did it. Here.
134
00:05:44,181 --> 00:05:45,596
You know, it's funny.
135
00:05:46,564 --> 00:05:49,946
When we first started
lessons, you know, I thought...
136
00:05:49,952 --> 00:05:51,347
You had some kind of disability?
137
00:05:51,353 --> 00:05:52,729
Yeah, I know. I
thought the same thing.
138
00:05:52,735 --> 00:05:53,940
No.
139
00:05:53,946 --> 00:05:55,939
No, I-I actually...
140
00:05:58,243 --> 00:06:00,068
I actually thought
something different.
141
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,133
When we first started,
142
00:06:02,139 --> 00:06:04,141
you know, I thought I
was just doing this to...
143
00:06:05,852 --> 00:06:08,729
I don't know... prove
something to myself, you know?
144
00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:11,453
But then after spending these
past few weeks with you...
145
00:06:12,716 --> 00:06:15,042
I realize that, uh...
146
00:06:15,822 --> 00:06:17,652
I'm not doing this for me.
147
00:06:18,330 --> 00:06:20,057
- No?
- No.
148
00:06:21,205 --> 00:06:22,752
I'm doing it for her.
149
00:06:23,721 --> 00:06:25,565
For her. Right.
150
00:06:26,388 --> 00:06:28,985
I mean, what if I had done
this before we got married?
151
00:06:29,584 --> 00:06:31,874
What if I had danced
with her at our wedding?
152
00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,755
Maybe it would have changed the
entire course of our marriage.
153
00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:36,804
So, what, you think one
dance with your ex-wife
154
00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:38,683
is gonna erase all
of your problems?
155
00:06:39,081 --> 00:06:41,198
Well, you said I
was a good dancer.
156
00:06:42,479 --> 00:06:44,777
I said you were a dancer.
157
00:06:45,081 --> 00:06:46,488
You said I was a great dancer.
158
00:06:46,494 --> 00:06:48,733
- I said a dancer.
- Mm-hmm.
159
00:06:50,318 --> 00:06:52,413
Why do we have to wear
these matching hats?
160
00:06:52,419 --> 00:06:55,130
- They're anti-aging.
- I feel like we're in "The Handmaid's Tale."
161
00:06:55,258 --> 00:06:57,239
So, wait. Martin
has a girlfriend?!
162
00:06:57,245 --> 00:06:58,445
It would appear that way.
163
00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:01,423
Same girl sneaking
into the garage again.
164
00:07:01,612 --> 00:07:03,343
Oh, my God. How are
you guys talking?
165
00:07:03,349 --> 00:07:06,054
- This is practically vertical.
- I'm gonna kill him.
166
00:07:06,437 --> 00:07:08,712
It's okay. Whatever.
I'm dating, too.
167
00:07:08,718 --> 00:07:11,140
No, I'm talking about Arthur.
Martin has a girlfriend,
168
00:07:11,146 --> 00:07:13,725
- and that little (BLEEP) didn't tell me?
- You know what I realized?
169
00:07:13,731 --> 00:07:16,439
Tomorrow was gonna be
our 16-year anniversary.
170
00:07:16,445 --> 00:07:18,157
He's already in a relationship!
171
00:07:18,163 --> 00:07:21,024
Okay. Meanwhile, I'm gonna
die here on these steps
172
00:07:21,030 --> 00:07:22,524
childless and alone.
173
00:07:22,530 --> 00:07:24,240
Ugh! Maya!
174
00:07:24,342 --> 00:07:26,531
If you want to have children, why
don't you stop whining about it
175
00:07:26,537 --> 00:07:27,741
and just have some?
176
00:07:27,747 --> 00:07:30,040
It's 2018. There
are ways, you know?
177
00:07:30,046 --> 00:07:32,037
- Artificial insemination.
- Adoption.
178
00:07:32,043 --> 00:07:33,344
Amazon Prime.
179
00:07:34,445 --> 00:07:35,995
No. Watch, you
guys. It will happen.
180
00:07:36,001 --> 00:07:38,778
I don't know if I could
have a kid all by myself.
181
00:07:38,784 --> 00:07:40,598
I can't even make
it up these steps.
182
00:07:40,604 --> 00:07:42,797
Well, I think you'd be
a kick-ass single mom.
183
00:07:43,106 --> 00:07:44,873
You can practice on
my kids if you want.
184
00:07:44,879 --> 00:07:46,794
Now, that is a good idea.
185
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,264
You babysit her kids.
186
00:07:48,270 --> 00:07:50,246
Martin is dating,
so you're dating.
187
00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:52,996
Okay. Screw it. Maya, are you in?
188
00:07:53,002 --> 00:07:54,591
- I'm texting Wes.
- I'm in.
189
00:07:54,597 --> 00:07:57,567
But promise me that you're gonna
have sex and not just dinner.
190
00:07:57,573 --> 00:07:59,163
I mean, it depends on
what we have for dinner.
191
00:07:59,169 --> 00:08:01,040
I mean, if it's like,
something with Alfredo...
192
00:08:01,046 --> 00:08:02,763
No! No Alfredo!
193
00:08:02,769 --> 00:08:05,366
She needs a UTI by first light.
194
00:08:05,372 --> 00:08:07,251
Okay. It's been a very long time
195
00:08:07,257 --> 00:08:09,056
since I've been with
anyone other than Martin.
196
00:08:09,062 --> 00:08:10,562
You know, though, as I recall,
197
00:08:10,568 --> 00:08:13,243
you haven't been with Martin
in a long time, either.
198
00:08:13,249 --> 00:08:15,190
Exactly. That's what I'm saying.
199
00:08:15,196 --> 00:08:17,478
I mean, what will I wear?
What will we even talk about?
200
00:08:17,778 --> 00:08:19,300
Don't talk about your kids.
201
00:08:19,306 --> 00:08:20,886
Oh, my God. I'm not
gonna talk about my kids.
202
00:08:20,892 --> 00:08:23,269
He doesn't want to hear
about kids. He is a kid.
203
00:08:23,275 --> 00:08:26,994
Ohh. He's so young
and cool and edgy.
204
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,489
Like The Fonz.
205
00:08:28,495 --> 00:08:31,610
- Oh, my God. The Fonz is like 100.
- Oh.
206
00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:37,498
You okay?
207
00:08:37,504 --> 00:08:39,291
Who, me? I'm great!
208
00:08:39,297 --> 00:08:40,497
But if my battery dies,
209
00:08:40,503 --> 00:08:43,412
I'll definitely have to call an
Uber, 'cause this is a long run.
210
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:45,213
A real long run!
211
00:08:45,723 --> 00:08:49,017
Hey. Hop off that thing. I-I
want to show you something.
212
00:08:49,023 --> 00:08:50,223
Something gross?
213
00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:51,523
What? No.
214
00:08:51,529 --> 00:08:53,212
No. No. I-I...
215
00:08:54,531 --> 00:08:57,441
I got a gift for Lena, and I-I
want to know what you think.
216
00:08:57,447 --> 00:08:58,939
Come on. Get off the hover board.
217
00:08:59,423 --> 00:09:00,623
Come here.
218
00:09:01,955 --> 00:09:05,189
This is a little weird. And
yet, I've never felt safer.
219
00:09:06,642 --> 00:09:09,504
? One, two, three,
one, two, three ?
220
00:09:09,671 --> 00:09:11,761
- Did you learn to dance?! Okay.
- Get closer.
221
00:09:11,767 --> 00:09:13,756
You did! You learned to dance!
222
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,411
- Stop fighting me so much!
- Okay, I'm sorry.
223
00:09:16,299 --> 00:09:17,861
Hey! We're dancing!
224
00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:22,259
- Dude, when did this happen?
- A while ago.
225
00:09:22,265 --> 00:09:24,467
And then seeing her the
other night all dressed up,
226
00:09:24,473 --> 00:09:26,950
you know, getting excited to
go out with some other dude,
227
00:09:26,956 --> 00:09:29,553
- it... it just got me...
- Shook?
228
00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:31,546
- Shook. Yeah, I got shook.
- Yeah.
229
00:09:31,552 --> 00:09:33,445
Hey. Listen to me.
You promise me...
230
00:09:33,451 --> 00:09:36,034
Promise me that you're not gonna
say anything about this to Camille.
231
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,456
- What? Why?
- Dude.
232
00:09:37,462 --> 00:09:39,661
She doesn't let me keep
secrets. Those are the rules.
233
00:09:39,667 --> 00:09:41,531
One dessert, no secrets.
234
00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:44,378
If you tell Camille, she will
tell Lena and... and then ruin it.
235
00:09:44,847 --> 00:09:46,458
She will ruin it.
236
00:09:46,464 --> 00:09:48,728
Tomorrow would've been our
16-year wedding anniversary,
237
00:09:48,734 --> 00:09:50,327
and I have made a decision.
238
00:09:51,796 --> 00:09:53,612
I want to fix things with Lena.
239
00:10:00,985 --> 00:10:02,185
Oh, hey, guys.
240
00:10:02,191 --> 00:10:04,254
What's up, cherry-boy?
Still living in Palmdale?
241
00:10:06,035 --> 00:10:08,921
Don't listen to them,
cherry-boy. Those kids are jerks.
242
00:10:09,421 --> 00:10:11,101
Oh. Hi, Hazel.
243
00:10:14,225 --> 00:10:17,388
It's like, "God, math.
Why don't you just grow up
244
00:10:17,394 --> 00:10:19,077
and solve your own
problems?" Am I right?
245
00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:21,359
Pick me up tonight in an
Uber, and I'll french you.
246
00:10:21,365 --> 00:10:23,678
- What?!
- If it's an uberX, just frenching.
247
00:10:23,684 --> 00:10:25,794
If it's a BLACK car,
you might get to second.
248
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,201
And if it's an
uberPOOL, deal's off.
249
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,353
W-what if it's
during surge pricing?!
250
00:10:38,540 --> 00:10:40,542
What if your baby
refuses the breast?
251
00:10:40,548 --> 00:10:42,360
I... offer a bottle.
252
00:10:42,366 --> 00:10:43,931
What if your baby
doesn't want the bottle?
253
00:10:43,937 --> 00:10:46,237
Yeah. What if your baby
only wants a Snapple?
254
00:10:46,861 --> 00:10:49,572
- Call a pediatrician?
- Or...?
255
00:10:49,578 --> 00:10:51,084
Give the baby the Snapple?
256
00:10:51,090 --> 00:10:52,369
That's what I'd do.
257
00:10:54,166 --> 00:10:55,575
What's the matter, Mace?
258
00:10:55,581 --> 00:10:57,475
You don't want to play
"What if Your Baby"?
259
00:10:57,481 --> 00:10:58,695
Fine.
260
00:10:59,570 --> 00:11:01,057
What if your baby
261
00:11:01,150 --> 00:11:04,064
was the only baby who had
never hooked up with anyone,
262
00:11:04,261 --> 00:11:06,458
and all of your baby's
friends always tease your baby
263
00:11:06,464 --> 00:11:07,951
and called your
baby "cherry-boy"?
264
00:11:07,957 --> 00:11:10,651
So your baby made plans to
make out with a girl named Hazel
265
00:11:10,657 --> 00:11:12,268
from math class in a sex Uber,
266
00:11:12,274 --> 00:11:14,242
and now your baby
very much regrets it?!
267
00:11:14,248 --> 00:11:16,526
Whoa. Your baby's awesome!
268
00:11:16,532 --> 00:11:21,295
Hey! My baby doesn't need
to prove anything to anyone.
269
00:11:21,301 --> 00:11:22,955
Yes, your baby does!
270
00:11:22,961 --> 00:11:24,808
Milo. Go get a snack.
271
00:11:26,496 --> 00:11:27,945
_
272
00:11:28,264 --> 00:11:29,694
Sex Uber?
273
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:31,106
Mason, no.
274
00:11:31,562 --> 00:11:33,784
First of all,
we're a Lyft family.
275
00:11:34,071 --> 00:11:35,880
I think I'm just gonna no-show.
276
00:11:35,886 --> 00:11:39,096
Okay, uh, I know why
you're saying that. But...
277
00:11:39,197 --> 00:11:40,785
listen. You just gotta...
278
00:11:40,791 --> 00:11:43,239
you gotta think about how
that girl is gonna feel.
279
00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:46,473
Great. My driver, Amir,
4.8 stars, is now arriving.
280
00:11:46,479 --> 00:11:47,679
Okay. Listen.
281
00:11:47,685 --> 00:11:49,117
If you don't like this girl,
282
00:11:49,123 --> 00:11:51,671
you don't have to do
anything you don't want to do.
283
00:11:52,144 --> 00:11:55,648
But you can't stand her
up. Just let her down easy.
284
00:12:00,655 --> 00:12:02,982
Wow. Great job, Aunt Maya.
285
00:12:03,841 --> 00:12:06,591
See? Maybe I-I can do
the kid thing on my own.
286
00:12:06,597 --> 00:12:07,797
Yeah.
287
00:12:07,803 --> 00:12:11,348
You just sent a 14-year-old out
for a sexcapade on a school night.
288
00:12:11,354 --> 00:12:13,763
And I'm not supposed
to be drinking this.
289
00:12:21,989 --> 00:12:23,286
I like your beanie.
290
00:12:24,092 --> 00:12:26,203
- I'm taking it off.
- Don't.
291
00:12:26,990 --> 00:12:28,410
Did you wear it for me?
292
00:12:29,059 --> 00:12:30,477
No, I did not.
293
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:32,930
- It feels like you wore it for me.
- Nope.
294
00:12:32,936 --> 00:12:35,042
Wrong. I wear this
beanie all the time.
295
00:12:35,048 --> 00:12:36,346
Right.
296
00:12:37,101 --> 00:12:40,281
- Did you borrow it from your son?
- Stop it!
297
00:12:41,398 --> 00:12:43,400
Oh, so I guess we don't
have to worry about
298
00:12:43,406 --> 00:12:45,713
finding a table,
because there aren't any.
299
00:12:45,719 --> 00:12:48,013
No need for a table. You'll
be done eating in 30 seconds
300
00:12:48,019 --> 00:12:50,308
- after he hands it to you.
- It's funny that you think I'm eating this.
301
00:12:50,314 --> 00:12:52,497
Oh, you are
absolutely eating this.
302
00:12:52,503 --> 00:12:54,897
I know we're just kind of
getting to know each other,
303
00:12:54,903 --> 00:12:56,192
- Uh-huh.
- but you should be made aware...
304
00:12:56,198 --> 00:12:58,308
meat that comes
from one of those...
305
00:12:58,314 --> 00:13:00,778
slathered in sauce
from one of those,
306
00:13:00,784 --> 00:13:05,722
served in one of these is
never going inside of this.
307
00:13:05,909 --> 00:13:08,964
Oh, first of all,
that is not just meat.
308
00:13:08,970 --> 00:13:10,272
That is Al pastor.
309
00:13:10,278 --> 00:13:13,482
Okay, it's meat that has
had his fingers in it.
310
00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:14,959
Oh, you want those
fingers in there.
311
00:13:14,965 --> 00:13:17,257
I mean, those fingers are
responsible for half the taste.
312
00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:20,398
If I could lick each and every
one of those fingers, I would.
313
00:13:23,171 --> 00:13:25,272
- �Qu� van a ordenar?
- Dos Al pastor.
314
00:13:25,603 --> 00:13:27,515
Y dedos extras, por favor.
315
00:13:29,149 --> 00:13:31,588
That's "extra
fingers" in Spanish.
316
00:13:31,594 --> 00:13:33,493
Got it. Okay.
317
00:13:34,412 --> 00:13:35,711
Gracias.
318
00:13:36,217 --> 00:13:38,419
How do you say
"gloves" in Spanish?
319
00:13:40,908 --> 00:13:43,533
Okay. Don't be mad.
I'm so sorry. I just...
320
00:13:43,539 --> 00:13:46,314
I-I-I-I am not a "street
meat" kind of girl.
321
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,409
Well, maybe you are a
"street meat" kind of girl
322
00:13:48,415 --> 00:13:49,894
and you just don't know it yet.
323
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:51,228
I don't think so.
324
00:13:51,234 --> 00:13:52,434
All right. Come on.
325
00:13:52,793 --> 00:13:54,414
One tiny bite?
326
00:13:56,509 --> 00:13:58,332
Don't be the girl who didn't try.
327
00:13:59,410 --> 00:14:00,615
Hmm?
328
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,289
- Oh, my God!
- Exactly.
329
00:14:13,758 --> 00:14:14,992
Oh, my God!
330
00:14:15,859 --> 00:14:17,953
Are those his fingers
that I'm tasting?
331
00:14:17,959 --> 00:14:19,159
All ten of them.
332
00:14:19,906 --> 00:14:21,106
Mmm.
333
00:14:22,266 --> 00:14:23,466
Told ya.
334
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,941
I bet when you left
the house tonight,
335
00:14:25,947 --> 00:14:27,846
you never would have dreamed
you'd be eating street meat
336
00:14:27,852 --> 00:14:29,348
and making out in a parking lot.
337
00:14:29,354 --> 00:14:31,651
Yeah, well, we're not
exactly making out.
338
00:14:50,776 --> 00:14:52,017
Hey. Come on in.
339
00:14:52,095 --> 00:14:53,621
Quick, quick, quick,
quick, quick, quick.
340
00:14:55,685 --> 00:14:57,997
Oh. You're... in your underwear.
341
00:14:58,003 --> 00:15:01,740
Thank you, uh, for coming on
such short notice. I can pay you.
342
00:15:01,863 --> 00:15:03,483
That's not necessary.
What's going on?
343
00:15:03,489 --> 00:15:05,210
I'm nervous.
344
00:15:05,216 --> 00:15:07,127
I'm, like, really,
really nervous.
345
00:15:07,133 --> 00:15:09,119
I've completely blanked on
everything that we've worked on.
346
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:12,149
I mean, is it... is it left foot
forward? Is it left foot back?
347
00:15:12,155 --> 00:15:15,237
Okay. So, you always lead,
okay? Don't overthink it.
348
00:15:15,243 --> 00:15:17,612
- You're way beyond the basic waltz.
- Mm, okay.
349
00:15:17,618 --> 00:15:21,456
? One, two, three,
one, two, three ?
350
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:22,662
Oh...
351
00:15:23,358 --> 00:15:25,358
Your body will remember
it, even if you don't.
352
00:15:25,364 --> 00:15:29,562
Thank you, Charlotte, for
the refresher. I just want
353
00:15:29,749 --> 00:15:32,952
everything to be perfect
tonight for Lena, you know?
354
00:15:33,030 --> 00:15:35,052
I'm sure it will be.
355
00:15:35,529 --> 00:15:40,416
And, um, I-I don't think
that you need lessons anymore,
356
00:15:40,422 --> 00:15:41,918
because you're really good.
357
00:15:41,924 --> 00:15:43,839
So I'm gonna go.
358
00:15:43,845 --> 00:15:45,495
Hey, hey. Wait.
359
00:15:46,584 --> 00:15:47,916
You okay?
360
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,231
No, I'm not.
361
00:15:50,237 --> 00:15:52,672
When you texted me,
I half-expected you to
362
00:15:52,678 --> 00:15:54,770
come to your senses
and... and talk to me
363
00:15:54,776 --> 00:15:56,921
about something other
than your ex-wife.
364
00:15:57,571 --> 00:15:59,884
Oh. Ohh.
365
00:16:02,271 --> 00:16:03,533
Oh.
366
00:16:04,341 --> 00:16:08,248
Oh. Uh, I'm sorry. I'm just...
367
00:16:08,854 --> 00:16:11,741
Just gonna try to
find a... a robe.
368
00:16:11,919 --> 00:16:13,921
I'm sorry if I made
you uncomfortable.
369
00:16:13,927 --> 00:16:15,810
No! I'm not.
370
00:16:16,261 --> 00:16:19,097
Well, you're hiding behind
an iron and a place mat.
371
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,509
So... I'm gonna go.
372
00:16:22,095 --> 00:16:25,197
I should probably let you...
373
00:16:25,914 --> 00:16:27,114
go.
374
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:43,044
? And I was a boy from school ?
375
00:16:43,175 --> 00:16:46,252
- ? Helplessly helping ?
- Cool Uber, huh?
376
00:16:46,258 --> 00:16:48,965
- ? All the rules... ?
- Yeah.
377
00:16:50,814 --> 00:16:52,049
Um...
378
00:16:53,348 --> 00:16:56,458
Look, Hazel, I know you
were probably expecting
379
00:16:56,464 --> 00:16:58,725
a really deep frenching tonight,
380
00:16:59,515 --> 00:17:02,215
but, TBH, I'm just not ready.
381
00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:04,705
I was just tired of being
the only kid at school
382
00:17:04,711 --> 00:17:06,930
who hadn't hooked
up with someone.
383
00:17:07,695 --> 00:17:09,502
You're not the only kid.
384
00:17:10,125 --> 00:17:11,662
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
385
00:17:11,668 --> 00:17:13,602
And TB even more H,
386
00:17:13,608 --> 00:17:17,036
I get made fun of all the
time for being "inexperienced."
387
00:17:17,274 --> 00:17:19,392
I'm not even sure
what second base is.
388
00:17:21,296 --> 00:17:23,755
I think I know, but I-I was...
389
00:17:23,761 --> 00:17:25,581
I was gonna ask you to confirm.
390
00:17:25,928 --> 00:17:29,263
Come on! I wasn't even born
in this country, and I know.
391
00:17:29,273 --> 00:17:30,972
It's the stuff with the boobs.
392
00:17:32,668 --> 00:17:33,868
Okay.
393
00:17:52,442 --> 00:17:54,036
Wes, Wes, Wes.
394
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:56,342
What are we doing?
395
00:17:56,914 --> 00:17:58,837
W-What do you mean?
396
00:18:00,005 --> 00:18:01,327
I don't know.
397
00:18:01,952 --> 00:18:05,332
Even with the beanie, I just...
I see you with someone cooler.
398
00:18:05,338 --> 00:18:07,342
I just... I see you
with someone like
399
00:18:07,348 --> 00:18:09,157
the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
400
00:18:09,163 --> 00:18:11,965
I don't like the Girl
with the Dragon Tattoo.
401
00:18:13,578 --> 00:18:15,478
I like the Girl with
the Pearl Earring.
402
00:18:16,664 --> 00:18:18,680
Are you talking about
the painting or...?
403
00:18:18,686 --> 00:18:19,886
You.
404
00:18:22,346 --> 00:18:24,031
I'm talking about you.
405
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:26,981
Me? Are you sure?
406
00:18:47,956 --> 00:18:50,382
If I get syphilis tonight,
it's totally worth it.
407
00:18:50,388 --> 00:18:51,996
I don't have syphilis.
408
00:18:52,002 --> 00:18:53,966
I just got chills
when you said that.
409
00:18:53,972 --> 00:18:56,489
That's, like... that's,
like, hypochondriac porn.
410
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:57,802
Say it again.
411
00:18:57,808 --> 00:18:59,095
I don't have syphilis.
412
00:18:59,101 --> 00:19:01,111
What about meat guy's fingers?
413
00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:03,747
- Totally sanitary.
- Mmm.
414
00:19:03,907 --> 00:19:06,027
I am so turned on right now.
415
00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:09,755
And if there was gonna be
gastrointestinal upset, we'd have it.
416
00:19:09,761 --> 00:19:10,961
And I feel fine.
417
00:19:12,668 --> 00:19:14,456
What am I gonna do with you?
418
00:19:14,462 --> 00:19:16,845
? Hello, my old heart ?
419
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:19,247
? How have you been? ?
420
00:19:19,472 --> 00:19:23,484
? Are you still there
inside my chest? ?
421
00:19:24,932 --> 00:19:27,450
? I've been so worried ?
422
00:19:27,456 --> 00:19:30,050
? You've been so still ?
423
00:19:30,507 --> 00:19:33,492
? Barely beating at all ?
424
00:19:35,279 --> 00:19:37,611
? Ohh ?
425
00:19:37,617 --> 00:19:40,211
? Don't leave me here alone ?
426
00:19:40,217 --> 00:19:42,406
? Don't tell me
that we've grown ?
427
00:19:42,412 --> 00:19:45,299
? For having loved
a little while ?
428
00:19:45,956 --> 00:19:48,082
? Ohh ?
429
00:19:48,088 --> 00:19:50,557
? I don't want to be alone ?
430
00:19:50,961 --> 00:19:53,183
? I want to find a home ?
431
00:19:53,189 --> 00:19:56,191
? And I want to
share it with you ?
432
00:20:01,953 --> 00:20:03,359
What if your baby goes MIA
433
00:20:03,365 --> 00:20:05,053
and refuses to answer his phone?
434
00:20:05,059 --> 00:20:07,961
Kill yourself is the
answer? Kill yourself?!
435
00:20:08,117 --> 00:20:10,643
Ohh! Look! There
he is! There he is!
436
00:20:10,649 --> 00:20:13,104
Oh! There's my baby.
437
00:20:18,399 --> 00:20:20,725
What's up, cherry-boy?
Move out of Palmdale?
438
00:20:20,731 --> 00:20:21,931
Shut up, Mae.
439
00:20:21,937 --> 00:20:23,198
Hey, Aunt Maya,
440
00:20:23,204 --> 00:20:25,782
I know I said I didn't
really like that girl,
441
00:20:25,788 --> 00:20:27,699
but we actually had a great time.
442
00:20:27,904 --> 00:20:30,816
I-I'm glad I went. So thanks.
443
00:20:30,822 --> 00:20:32,022
Huh.
444
00:20:32,215 --> 00:20:35,416
So, did I do great,
445
00:20:35,422 --> 00:20:37,418
or did I put his
life in jeopardy?
446
00:20:37,424 --> 00:20:39,676
I-I can't even tell.
447
00:20:40,603 --> 00:20:44,814
Oh! Maybe that's just
what parenting is.
448
00:20:45,608 --> 00:20:48,763
Okay, I'm just gonna call
this one a "win" then.
449
00:20:48,867 --> 00:20:52,572
Hey. You guys want to
go stalk Rudy with me?
450
00:20:52,578 --> 00:20:57,578
Sync & corrections by PetaG
- www.addic7ed.com -
33570
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof