All language subtitles for Perfect Strangers-2017

Translation and subtitles by
PEPPER & LALASPAIN
*** SONG LIVES FOR EVER ***

PERFECT STRANGERS

Hey, come on.
Let's go, please.

Listen, where's my belt?

It's in the drawer.

Which one?

- In the usual drawer.
- Which one do you mean?

Where's my charger?

Did you check the bathroom plug?

It's not there.

Damn, always taking my charger...

I've bought loads of them.

That's more expensive
than the phone itself.

Maybe you left it in the office.

Ask your mother.

Clear all this up!
Javi, you're in bed at 11...

Even if Grandma lets you stay up,
you go to bed, no excuses!

Hold this.

- Have you kissed Rosa goodnight?
- Yes.

- Have you really?
- I'll do it now.

- I forgot my phone.
- Hurry up, we're going to be late.

Yes, yes, but...
Just a second, relax.

The dosage shows in the
information pamphlet.

Yes, the piece of paper
that's in the box.

It depends on the size, yes.

Sure, because Cuqui...

is a medium-size dog.

Stop, cut it out.

Not you, Ma'am,
I was talking to my...

German Shepherd.

Yes, he won't be quiet.

He grabs hold and keeps rubbing.

Yes, all animals are acting
out because of the eclipse. It's...

It makes their blood boil.

I'll call you tomorrow, OK?

OK, enough.
Stop, stop, we're going to be late.

You're an idiot.
You know that, right?

You're going to tell me
right now where you're going.

I told you, Susana's house.

Sofía, please...

Don't believe me then.

- You're going to Nacho's place.
- No!

By lying you won't hurt me,
you will hurt only yourself.

Don't bug me, Mom. I've told you
1000 times. I'm going to Susana's.

Then we'll go out and Nacho
may be there, but that'll be it.

And what are these for?

- They're not mine.
- They were in your bag. They're yours.

They're Susana's.
She asked me to keep them for her.

Do you think I'm stupid?

You know what?

Going through my stuff...

you won't hurt me, you
will hurt only yourself.

You do my head in!

You do my head in!

BRACE YOURSELF.
THIS IS YOUR NIGHT

Yeah, sure.

Your daughter just won't stop lying.

- Those earrings...
- What's wrong?

They're new.

Yes, thanks for changing the subject.
Did you hear what I said?

- Yes, they're new.
- No, about your daughter.

- What's wrong with her?
- She keeps on lying to me!

- Sure, you won't say anything.
- Like what?

She's 17 years old.
I'd be worried if she didn't!

- She's still seeing Nacho.
- Right. So?

- I don't like him.
- Well, she does seem to like him.

Dammit, Alfonso, you don't
like him either, face it.

Do you remember when your
parents tried by all means

to get us to stop
seeing each other?

Did they succeed?
And what's more...

Had they not tried so hard,
we might have not been together now...

Yeah, you should listen to your
parents once in a while.

Why don't you try talking
to her without arguing?

No, don't start that again.

How many teenage girls have
gone to therapy with you?

- Loads.
- And they're all grateful.

- They send you letters, flowers...
- Don't exaggerate it.

Why don't you try that with her?

- No way.
- Why not?

She's my daughter,
not a patient on appointmen! Please!

You won't get off her back.

She had a pack of
condoms in her bag.

What?

I found them.

- You went through her stuff?
- No.

I was looking for a lighter.

May I know why you're
sitting in the backseat?

Darling, I was just leaving
the bottles in the back

but you started the taximeter
and stepped on it.

Old habit, sorry.

- I'll switch. Pull up for a minute.
- No, never mind.

Honey, it says here
this wine is bio... biodynamic.

What's that?

I ain't got a fucking clue
what biodynamic means.

- Will it be all right?
- For that kind of money, I'm sure it is.

No, pull over.
We'll get some other wine.

- See? We can get some over there.
- Listen, Blanca, just relax, please.

It's only dinner,
it's not a contest, OK?

It's only that Eva is always nagging
about something, and I can't stand it.

- Eva is... just Eva.
- Clearly, she doesn't like me.

- No, that's just the way she is.
- Not with Ana.

- She treats Ana differently.
- She's known Ana all her life.

That's the thing,

you guys have known each other
forever and I'm just the new girl.

Just the new girl?
We've been married for a year.

Never mind, honey.

Can you take Rosa to the dentist Monday?

Monday?

Yes, Monday.

I'll try to leave the office earlier.

It's at four o'clock.

If you can't, let me know now,
so I can arrange something.

If I knew, I'd tell you,
but I don't, so I'll find out.

You never know what you have to do.

Yes, I do.

No, you never know. Ever.

I know what I have to do, honey.

- Actually, I can't go.
- You can't?

- I'm telling you now.
- Then don't go. Forget about it.

I'll do all I can to take the girl
to the dentist on Monday.

Will that do you?

- There's a blood Moon tonight.
- A what?

That's what it's called,
the Moon turns red.

Oh, the eclipse. I know.

They say it makes people crazy.

We don't need any eclipse for that.

They won't let me into the group.

What group?

The WhatsApp group,
"The Dinner Party".

They added you, but not me.

Sure, since I'm already in it,
why would they add you too?

It's just to meet up and afterwards,
people just leave the group.

You get messages all day.

Look, I'll bring the biodynamic wine.

That way, Eva will
only pick on with me.

Thanks.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Will you stop chewing like that?

Try this.

- They're here.
- It needs salt.

But if you overdo it,
you can't fix it.

Couldn't we have gone to a restaurant?

Fine, I'll toss this shit out
and we'll order pizza.

- What's wrong? Do you want to argue?
- Not at all.

- Has Pepe arrived?
- No, not yet.

Hi, Eva.

What's this?

Alfonso.

Don't close the door,
Edu and Blanca are coming up.

- Has Sofia gone out?
- She's in her room.

- I'll go say hi.
- No!

- I didn't say anything.
- No, Ana. Wait, wait.

Stop, stop.

- Are you on the warpath?
- Psychological terrorism.

- OK, it's not the time.
- She had condoms in her bag.

You don't say!

If you overdo it,
you can't fix it.

- Go, go, you first.
- Leave it to me.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Eva.

Edu.

- Hi.
- Blanca.

It's biodynamic.

Biodynamic?
You fell for that too?

Foot-crushed wine that
costs an arm and a leg?

Well, I love it.

I'll put it in the fridge.
Maybe it needs chilling.

Hello.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Where's Pepe?

- Almost here.
- This Pepe thing is wild.

Is he really seeing that girl?

"That girl" is called Lucía.
And don't act like idiots, OK?

No dumb stuff.

If he's finally made up his mind,
she must be amazing.

To go out with Pepe
she can't be that amazing.

Pepe's main thing is tits.

Always thinking about tits.

Is there anything more important?

- Good question.
- See? Always the same.

Doctor, our friend here is
looking after his daily bread.

You don't pay for this place
just only with Botox.

Thanks, Antonio.

Did you hear that?
It's not obsession, it's vocation.

Alfonso, what I meant was

it's easy to fall in love
with someone like Pepe.

- Yes, he's protective, warm...
- Exactly.

Let's not go overboard.

This "easy to fall in
love with Pepe" thing...

- Take it easy, huh?
- He gets so jealous...

Honey...

Picture this... Can you imagine
him turning up with a hot babe?

How hot a babe?

A hot babe, a super-hot babe.

No, it'd be wild
if he turned up with a MILF,

but over-the-hill.

- A what?
- You don't watch much porn, huh?

- "Mom I'd Like to Fuck".
- A mother you'd fuck.

Beautiful.
Is that all you think about?

Fucking other people's Moms?

That's heavy.

Some "biodynamic"?

A tiny drop.

That MILF thing is just Internet stuff.

Just some crap you get sent on WhatsApp.
My phone's full of it.

It's like the eclipse.
People go on about it.

I got three WhatsApp messages

saying it's the end of the world.

- Did you get this one?
- Show us.

- Yes.
- Me too.

- I forwarded it to you.
- True.

You have to make a wish
and forward the message.

Does the eclipse make wishes come true?

Sure, like a full Moon.

- What about a full Moon?
- Look...

This may sound a bit weird, but...

Some people...

show their ass to the
Moon to get money.

- I can't believe that.
- I swear, my Grandma used to do that.

She'd go out to the garden
and lift up her skirt.

She did it every full Moon, right?

She didn't get rich,
but they all had a laugh.

Well, this is a bit more modern.

You make a wish and forward
the message to ten contacts.

Unless you want the opposite
to what you wished for.

Like the message chains
we sent as kids.

That really scared me,

I spent whole evenings
writing letters by hand.

That's why you forwarded it to me.
I didn't know you were so superstitious.

I'm not, but just in case...

- Yes, just in case.
- You don't believe that, do you?

No, but I'm sending it to
the office, they'll love it.

What did you wish for, Eva?

I can't say, or else
it won't come true.

The message doesn't say that.

I wished for tonight not
to be a pain in the ass.

Does that suit you?

Fuck...

Are we that boring?

Wouldn't you love it
if something to happened tonight?

Wouldn't you? Something different?

Gosh... What if something bad happens?

There's nothing's worse than
boredom, I'm telling you.

Thanks a lot, honey.
I love you too.

- They're here!
- Good, good.

Hello?

What did he say?

Are they coming up?

When they come up,
don't just stare at her all dumb struck.

If he turns up with a MILF,
I'll piss myself.

All right...

Hush, hush... They'll hear you.

Alfonso, for God's sake...

Hello!

What's wrong?

Where's Lucía?

Oh, Lucía. She's sorry,
but she couldn't make it.

She got one of those bugs
that knock you out...

An intestinal virus. A mess.

I brought some wine.

Biodynamic?

No, Marqués de Vargas, Reserve.

That's more like it!

So, Lucía's not coming?

Are you thick?
Didn't I just say she's indisposed?

We were looking forward to meeting her.

Yeah, she wanted to meet you, guys, too,

but she didn't want to spread the bug.

May I come in or do I turn back?

Come in, come in.

- It's a shame about Lucía.
- Yeah.

- Hey, nice earrings.
- You're the nice one.

- What happened, Pepe?
- With what?

- You haven't split up?
- No, we haven't.

- You didn't argue?
- Are you stupid? No!

Pepe, how old did you say she was?

- I didn't say, Antoñito.
- You didn't?

No, I didn't say.
She's our age.

Oh, well...

- "Oh, well", what?
- Nothing, nothing.

We had agreed on no off-color
remarks about Lucía.

- She's not here.
- But I am.

Lucía is a lovely name.
"Pepe and Lucía" sounds great.

Jesus! I had a dog called Lucía!

Fill us in, are you in love?

I don't know. How do you
know when you're in love?

- Are you asking me?
- Sure. You're the expert.

You must know.
You're a shrink.

If you talk to her for 30 minutes a day,
that's when you're in love.

Right.
What it you talk for 60 minutes?

You're really in love.

And if you never talk,
that's when you're married.

Sorry, honey, you walked
right into that one.

Don't listen to him.

It smells great.
What is it?

Black truffles.

Speaking of truffles,
did we get that place in Teruel already?

No, not yet.

It's delicious. Next winter,
we should go up and get tons of it.

We should indeed! In the shop downstairs
they're selling 100 grams for 250 Euros.

And they're this big.

- 2500 € a kilo?
- More or less, yes.

- That's a lot of dough.
- You bet.

Why don't we grow our own
truffles in La Pedriza?

- Truffles?
- Yes.

- In La Pedriza?
- Yes, we have a place there!

Let's see, doofus,
truffles aren't like onions.

Truffles grow in very harsh conditions.

And La Pedriza isn't exactly
what we call fertile soil.

- In winter it's really green.
- Yeah, it's like Ireland, no less.

It's 1000 metres
above sea level.

It's just rocks. Give me that.

Do you realize this is going to be our
first vacation without Clara and Diego?

- It feels so weird to me.
- To me too.

The other day I spoke to Clara,
she says hello.

- How is she? - Just imagine, she's
back with her folks in Zaragoza.

Who's keeping the kids?

She is.
Who else, then? Diego?

The poor girl's a mess.

Finding out that your husband
is boning a girl

that's your own daughter's age...
that would kill anyone.

I feel sorry for her.
She'll need her time to get over it.

Fifty years old and menopausal,

and if your husband's
banging a younger girl...

Did you guys know?

Of course, they knew.

- No,no.
- He didn't tell us anything.

- Come on!
- Of course they knew. Please...

Even if he told us,
are we supposed to tell her?

If you're a friend, you tell them.

So, according to you,
whether we knew or not,

We should've told Clara,
"Hey, Diego is fucking

a 23-year-old babe".

- So, she was a babe.
- 23 years old?

I'm just saying,
it's just an example.

- Aren't they both our friends?
- That's right.

We would have messed
it all up either way.

It's tricky because if you talk
and then destroy a family...?

Who's to blame, then?
Them? No, it's the one who talked.

Let's get this straight.
If he cheats on me, tell me.

Yeah, sure they'll tell you.
They've got each other's backs.

They'll never tell you.

- They're all the same.
- It's a lost cause.

- We're too different.
- Like a Mac and a PC.

And which are we?

- PC's.
- Spectrum.

They're cheap, get all the viruses
and can only do one thing at a time.

In the shower Antonio for instance,

either he sings or he soaps up,
otherwise he'll get all worked up.

And Macs are like women:
intuitive, fast and elegant.

And we can do a thousand
things at the same time.

That's right.

They cost a fortune and they're
only compatible with each other.

And what about Diego?

Nothing much... He's with a
23-year-old girl. Poor guy, huh?

That's hell.

I'm serious. Picture Diego going
to a Justin Bieber concert

or having a booze-up on the
street out of a paper bag.

Fuck that.

He will probably
end up losing everything,

the house, the money, the car...

- Don't go overboard.
- Ask him.

When you got divorced,
you got fleeced too, right?

- What can they take from me?
- All your money.

What money?
I'm just a P.E. teacher, and fat.

And also unemployed now, Pepe.

Any worse and she'd have
to pay me alimony.

Sure, without kids it's all easier.

Anyway, it's bad luck,
a family destroyed by a message.

No, a family destroyed
by a 23-year-old slut.

- And he's to blame too.
- Of course.

If Clara hadn't read the message...

Now it's Clara's fault
for reading the message.

It's not that. You have to be careful
and delete all the messages.

It's the first thing you do when
you're cheating on your wife.

- I'd say.
- Excuse me?

It's just an example. Dammit.
Let's not take everything literally.

No way... What do you need
to be careful with, exactly?

With text messages or with the
fact that you're disgusting?

Sorry, Blanca.

All I'm saying is that THIS is to blame.

When this wasn't around,
there weren't so many problems.

No, the problem's always been there.

- You men are all pigs.
- Sweet Jesus...

- The cellphone isn't to blame.
- OK, so, we're all pigs,

- and you, women, are sisters of charity?
- Way to go, Antonio.

The only sure thing
is what we have here.

There are no passwords here,
it's like a safe.

It's true that this has
changed everything.

Where do we have our minds now?
Here.

And we leave it on the table
within anyone's reach.

Antonio would never give me his phone.

What?

You heard me.

- What?
- Take it.

Here you are.
Where's the problem with that?

Mind you, I'll pick it up.

That's enough, Antonio.

- I'll pick it up, huh?
- Go ahead. 7272.

Look at his hand shaking.

- It is shaking.
- You're turning white.

No, I'm not.
Now I want you to pick it up.

- Shall I pick it up?
- Pick it up, but you give me yours.

I'll tell you what you'll find,
messages from the paediatrician,

from your sister nagging about you
never calling... Shall I go on?

- Forget it.
- That'd be better.

Would you give your phone to Eduardo?

Sure. I don't even have a password.

Leave me out of it,
I'm not the jealous type.

He'd rather swallow his phone
before giving it to me.

Sure, she's a shrink and
she knows what I think.

It's great.

We'll skip straight to angry mode,
no arguments necessary.

Here, honey, all yours.

Now you think I'm contradicting you
and it's a worthless gesture.

Nothing you do lately
is worth much, honey.

OK, to sum it up,
no one has a secret, right?

- No.
- No?

We are boring, indeed.

What kind of secrets are
we supposed to have?

We know each other inside out.

Wait, I've got an idea.

Let's play a game.

Let's all leave all your phones

in the middle of the table.

- So?
- So, as long as dinner takes place,

any text messages, WhatsApp messages, calls...

whatever comes in,
we read it out loud...

and listen to them all together.

Since we have no secrets, right?

I've have no problem with that,
here's mine.

- Olé.
- Sure, Pepe, that's brave.

Your girl's at home with the runs.

- I would've done it anyway.
- Blanca, what's all this about?

- Just some fun.
- I don't see the fun in it.

You have something to hide?

Not me.

Then you start.

You don't think I would?

The thing that bugs me off is
that because of a stupid game,

I could find out something
I don't want to know.

If you're fooling around,
it's your business.

If I was, I wouldn't be as dumb
as to leave it in writing.

I've got no problem with it.

This is like the Truth-or- Dare game.

Do you remember playing
when we were young?

When we were young
we also jerked off constantly.

Honey, don't be a bore,
it'll be fun.

Or should I be worried?

Not at all.

Come on, are you serious?

I think it's bad taste leaving
your phones on the table.

Antonio always leaves it face down.

What?

He does this.

- You thought I didn't realize?
- That's just an old habit.

Doesn't it bother you that
you may scratch the screen

and it's 150 Euros
to get it fixed?

It's titanium.

Well, at the Chinese
shops, it's only 50.

- Fine, let's scratch all our screens.
- OK, OK. Look.

Happy?

Very.

Well...

Now there's no turning back.

Fuck!

What was that?

The eclipse.

Is it me or has everyone
gone mad all at once?

You jumped the light!
You're crazy! You're nuts!

There's always accident in that corner.
The light changes too fast.

Cars run into each other...

I'm freezing.

Put your glasses on!
Who gave you a license?

It's turning red.
Aren't we going to watch the eclipse?

It lasts a couple of hours.
We'll watch it later.

If my mother calls,
I'm not answering it.

- This is all nonsense.
- The eclipse?

No, the game.
We're acting like kids.

Shit!

- Who put them like that?
- I did. It looks nicer, right?

Shit, Blanca, you scared me!
It looked like a poltergeist.

Let's see if I get this.
I can pick up anyone's phone?

No, only incoming messages,
WhatsApps, calls...

- Whoever's turn it is.
- Exactly.

Like Russian roulette?

Facebook?

- No, not Facebook.
- Why not?

Too many notifications and such.

We'll be on the phones all night.

And no airplane mode.

And it's no good
if anyone has a second phone.

Eva, you're poison tonight.

- Will the round steak be long, honey?
- Round steak, great.

See you later, OK?

Whoah, Sofía!

Let's see what she wants...

You look pretty, Sofi.

Just as well
she took after her mother.

Dad, can you come here?

- How cute.
- She's embarrassed.

You could say hello.

Why don't you say hello?

Got any cash on you?

Yes.

Can you pour me some?

How old is Sofi now?

- She turns 17 in June.
- 17...

I remember when she turned 10
in your house in Cádiz,

it seems like yesterday.

Yes.

We bought her a bikini
and since she had no...

- Cut it out.
- ...it fell off all the time.

- OK.
- Yes, you got so mad.

Do you have to recall
the worst things?

A message!

It's yours, Edu.

"I desire... your body".

- We're off to a good start.
- Jesus Christ...

Who is it?

I don't know. I don't know.

Eduardo...

I don't know, honey.

No, not "honey".
Who desires your body?

I have no idea
who the hell sent this message!

Tell me.

- Look, you've got a call.
- You have to answer it.

- Is it the same number?
- You have to answer it, Edu.

- I don't know who it is.
- Answer it!

Hello?

- What?
- No one there.

Ask again.

- Ask who it is.
- Who is it? Who is it?

Hello?

You dickhead!

You moron!

You should've seen your face.

You're really...

Say it: an asshole.

He's a twit! A twit!

- Come on...
- It's no big deal!

- Dad, I have to go!
- My God.

Honey, at least say goodbye.

Hello and goodbye!

'Bye, Sofi, have a good time.

- 'Bye.
- 'Bye, Sofi.

- She's not always like this.
- Sometimes she's worse.

- I think she's charming.
- She's wonderful.

At her age it's normal
to want to go out.

What do you know?
You don't have kids.

If you don't do crazy stuff
when you're young,

- you end up playing the fool at 40.
- Talking about yourself, Pepe?

I don't know if I'd be
a good mother, it terrifies me.

Why? Are you trying?

It looks like it.

That's great.

- Just great.
- Let's toast to these two.

There's nothing to toast to yet.

- Anyone fucking is worth celebrating.
- That's right.

You've got no class,
no grace, Ana, really.

- Shouldn't I have said that?
- No, anyone can say anything here.

Poor guy, I made you
look bad in front of your friends.

Better to pretend that after 15 years
we still fuck every day.

Who cares here if we fuck
on Mondays, Wednesdays

- or the Fourth of July?
- We don't go by days,

- but hours, right?
- Honey...

To children and the meaning
they give to our lives.

- No, no. No, no, no.
- Why?

And those of us without children?

Life make no sense without children?

- Sorry, I don't buy it.
- Then let's toast to the eclipse.

I don't mean you guys,
but having children is often

the way out for bored couples,
a desperate leap forward.

- A child is a desperate leap forward?
- It can be:

something that fixes
a worn-out situation.

Very good, Pepe. Very good.

I don't want a child
to keep something going.

- Why do you want one?
- Well, to...

complete life as a couple,
to fulfil myself as a woman...

Right, and a normal
but childless couple

can't be happy, or what?

Do you know that childless couples,
on average, are much happier?

Terrific, honey.

Sure, kids are like pliers,
doing this to you.

- You're getting tipsy.
- I'll tell you,

the best thing I've ever done
is have my daughter. By far.

And if it'd been up to me,
we would've had more.

When I put Rosa to bed
and her little face says to me

"You're the world's prettiest mom",
I'm the world's happiest woman.

- Let's toast to that.
- Wait till she turns 17

and she crosses the street
so her friends don't meet you.

Then the "best thing
that ever happened to you"

will make you
"the world's happiest woman".

The first call!

It's mine. It's my sister Marta.
Do I answer it?

- Sure.
- Pepe, answer it.

Put it on speaker.

Hi, Marta.

Hi.

Watch what you say,
you're on speaker.

- That's not fair.
- Speaker?

- It's not fair to tell her.
- You're on speaker.

Take it off.

No, I can't.

- Why can't you?
- I'll explain later, just talk.

- Hi, everybody.
- Hi, Marta.

- Hi.
- Hi, Martita.

- I'll call you later.
- No, speak now. Talk.

About what?

It's kind of a game.
I'll explain later. Talk.

What am I meant to talk about?

I don't know, you called me.

About work, personal stuff...
Never mind, we'll talk tomorrow.

If it's about the Valencia job,
I'm not going to take it.

OK, I'll call you tomorrow.

See you.

That's not fair, Pepe.
You can't say we're listening

- or it makes no sense.
- Sorry.

Sorry, I wasn't ready.

I'm sorry.

What's this Valencia job?

My sister found me a job
in a private school.

And you're not taking it?

No, it's so far away.

Valencia far away?
It's two hours in the AVE.

You do the Madrid-Valencia trip
three times a week and tell me.

You can't be that picky,
the way things are.

You can't wait for it
to fall from heaven.

I'm not waiting for it
to fall from heaven,

I'm sending resumés everywhere.

How long since you've worked?

- Four months.
- Four months?

- How many schools have answered?
- Am I on fucking trial?

They had no right to fire you.

If you sue, you'll win.

They didn't fire me.

- They didn't renew my contract.
- That doesn't matter,

it was 10 years
on a part-time contract.

It's illegal, they can't do that.
Listen to me, we'd crush them.

No, I worked there all my life.

Exactly. You wait 3 months
and they rehire you.

- My practice can do it.
- Thanks, but no.

Besides, I need a change of air.

With a little serenity
something good will turn up.

"A little serenity", he says.
You gotta get moving.

That's enough of this shitty game!

Hey!

Me, for example, I keep moving.

Of course, you drive a taxi.

I put the license up for sale.

You put it up for sale?

Testing the water,
to see what I'm offered.

And you weren't going to tell me?

- Yes, I was.
- When?

Honey, it's just an idea.

Uber, Car2go, Cabify,
sound familiar?

A year from now taxis
will disappear, two tops.

You have to look ahead, Pepe,
to the future.

Like the electronic cigarette
business he set up.

That's different,
I had to face the tobacco lobbies.

- They really play hardball.
- They do.

They financed the Nicaraguan Contras.

Or the Yorkshire terrier business.

- That wasn't my fault.
- No, they were all my customers.

It was embarrassing.

And you still stick with him?

Yes. Incredible, huh?

Sure is.

Who else, eh?

A call.

My father!

- Everyone quiet.
- Yes.

- Put it on speaker.
- Yes.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, honey. How are you?

Fine, having dinner with friends.

Then I won't keep you long.

Estremera says the operation
can be done in Barcelona too.

He goes twice a month,
staying in the Majestic.

I'll send you his number
and you can talk to him.

- OK. Thanks. Big kiss to Mom.
- OK, big kiss.

Ciao.

What's this about an operation?

An augmentation mastoplasty.

You're getting a breast enlargement?

Yes, a boob job.

- It's not his idea?
- No, not at all.

You didn't tell me.

But you're a psychologist.

And?

Psychologists don't get
breast enlargements.

Saying it like that,
it does sound a bit weird.

It's not that I don't like them,
it's just improvement.

- In theory, you should like them.
- Why?

As a psychologist you have to
accept yourself the way you are.

- I do.
- It doesn't seem like it.

Someone who gets a boob job
doesn't accept themselves?

- Well, no.
- I accept it all, except my boobs.

A busty psychologist like that
would make me nervous.

I'm getting boobs,
not a couple of melons, Antonio.

Let me get this straight:
it's a breast enlargement,

which is what your husband does,
and you're using another doctor?

That's true,
why don't you do it?

Because her father,
the "prestigious eminence",

thinks it's bad if I do it.
It has to be Estremera,

a hot shot doctor that operates
in Spain but lives in New York.

Not a common one like me

who puts tits and asses
on hairdressers in some clinic.

- Have you finished?
- Is that it or not?

- Of course not.
- What is it then?

A husband can't put boobs
on his own wife.

It's common sense, please.

Sure, it's a turn-off.

It's like cooking all day,
then you're not hungry.

Her father thinks I'm a dickhead.

He would've preferred
a cardiologist or a surgeon.

- Fathers want the best for their kids.
- I want the best for mine too.

My father put in false ceilings
and tiled bathrooms,

he didn't have many options.

I studied, got my degree,

specialised in plastic surgery
and I'm not ashamed, I like it.

- Of course, honey.
- Then do this:

Estremera does one boob
and Alfon the other.

- And we see which one's better.
- We compare.

- You're all fast and loose tonight.
- He certainly is.

You're right, it'd be like
your wife being your psychologist.

It'd be uncomfortable, right?

Relax, he'd shoot himself
before he went to a psychologist.

Yes, psychologists intimidate me too.

Yes, I wouldn't tell my stuff
to a stranger.

That's what friends are for.
I tell you guys everything.

He thinks they're worthless.

Isn't that right?
My work is worthless to you.

Say it, it doesn't offend me anymore.

Why do you say that?
You know it's not true.

But you think it.

I think you and I do the same thing,

we try to make people happy.

It takes you a few years
and me a few hours, but it's the same.

The round steak.

I'll go.

- Sorry, guys.
- It's alright.

This game is making me nervous.

Forgive me, I'm having a smoke.

- You're smoking again?
- Yes, yes.

I stopped, then put on 10 kilos.
I have to lose them again.

Oh, yeah? You can't tell.

Ha ha.

Wait, I'll go with you.

Fuck. Check it out.

It's turning really red.

It's so strange, a lunar eclipse
coinciding with the perigee, right?

The what?

The perigee. When the Moon
is closest to the Earth.

They say it won't happen again
until 2033.

The Mayans believed it was
the sign of something terrible.

Terrible like what?

It destroys time,

it disrupts it, things happen
that shouldn't happen.

Do you know that
they all suddenly vanished?

The Mayans?

During a "blood eclipse" like this.

Some believe they still exist,
but in a parallel reality.

How do you know
so much about it?

I read it on the Internet,
we're studying it in Science.

- In your company?
- No, in junior high.

My son Javi has to present
a project on Monday.

I spent all afternoon on the eclipse.
Listen, I need a hand.

With Javi's project?

It's something else.

How do I explain this?

I have a lady friend.

A lady friend.

It's a silly thing.

- What lady friend?
- A lady friend, dickhead.

A lady friend.

And every night, around 10,
she sends me...

A goodnight message.

A photo.

- A photo... What photo?
- Fuck off! A photo of herself.

- Fuck, Antoñito, that's trouble.
- Yes, Pepe, yes.

Fuck...

- What do you want me to do?
- Alright, Pepe...

We have the same phone

and we're sitting next to each other.

We switch phones.

You take mine.
Who's going to know?

Right.

Just for when the photo comes,
then I'll give it back, and that's it.

That's it?
So the photo comes to me.

- What do you care? You're single.
- Not anymore.

You idiot, you can say it's Lucía.
Nobody here knows her.

- What about when I introduce her?
- Well, that...

...we'll deal with as we go.

Fuck it, Pepe. fuck it!

I fell over.

One thing I ask you, one thing.

Couldn't you have thought it out
before playing this shitty game?

I said no a thousand times.

What could I do? Ana would've
freaked if I complained any more.

Don't involve me, I'm in no mood.
This is up to you two.

Pepe... Pepe. Pepe!

Ana would leave me.
She'd leave me!

Don't you get it?
"I'm in no mood".

So, do we destroy a family?

Do you want my kids taken
from me like Diego?

- What kind of photo?
- Nothing, a photo of her.

What, naked?
Showing it all? Slutty?

No, just photos of her.

- But weird ones?
- Weird?

I don't know what you like...
Weird? Tied up? Rubber suit?

S&M? No, they're selfies.

Selfies...

Selfies, that's all.

- This is giving me the fucking creeps.
- Pepe, Pepe, Pepe.

Look, yesterday for example,

she sent me a photo of herself
in pyjamas.

Pyjamas with Pluto on them.
Is that weird?

- Pluto?
- With Pluto.

How old is she?

She's older than she looks.

Antoñito...

Want some help?

You changed your hair.

- Antonio didn't even notice.
- Well, it's a small change.

If I cut my head off,
he wouldn't notice either.

Be quiet!

If I don't tell you, I'll burst.
Your husband is seeing a therapist.

What?

A psychologist in an office
next to Antonio's practice.

Who are all these messages from?

Jorge, indoor football game.

It's the game.

Oh, yeah, football.

You're playing tomorrow?

- I didn't get anything.
- It didn't reach you?

It will, sometimes it takes time.

What company are you with?
The signal's bad here.

Let me...

- Did you delete me from the group?
- No, Jorge's organizing it.

- You know what he's like.
- What's he like?

- Absent minded.
- It's fine, come along anyway.

Sure, we'll make some changes.

Sure.

You fuckers, you only call me
when you want a goalkeeper.

Some fucking friends.

Look, round steak!
Delicious, right?

Message, message... Let us see...

- From Lola.
- Give it here.

"Call me, it's urgent".

Who's this Lola that
needs you so urgently?

A promising name.

I'm sorry, guys,

but Lola is the switchboard
girl at Radio Taxi.

I've always wondered
how they speak at home.

Maybe: "Five minutes in bed, honey".

"Marriage bed, night table corner,
in the vicinity of the bathroom".

I don't know how it is for salt.

- It's a bit bland.
- Overdo it and you can't fix it.

- This looks fantastic.
- No, no, sorry.

Call her, let's see
what this Lola wants.

No work calls.

It'll be a shift change,
an emergency...

Look at her stick up for hubby.

You can tell they're newlyweds.

Honey, stick up for yourself.
Go on, call her.

No, seriously.
If I call, I'll get a substitution.

No, sorry, the rules are
for everyone, so call her.

Do you want to ruin our dinner
and tomorrow as well?

- Lunch with her parents.
- What a plan. Call her!

Asshole!

- Message!
- Another one!

- Let's see...
- For Pepe.

"120, go! Double steps".
What's this?

It's a training app.
I won't be long.

You lose 8-12 kilos in 2 weeks.
It's a sure thing.

- You have to do it now?
- Whenever they call.

- But we're having dinner!
- I know.

How can I get a trainer's job
looking like this?

Come and sit down.

No, he's right, let him work out.

They call at night too?

If I don't do it,
he gives me more exercises

or calls me at 2 a.m.
Don't look at me.

What about liposuction?

No need for boobs,
he's already got them.

- Shit!
- Fuck!

No, no!

- No!
- Ana... Ana...

The skirt as well.

My favourite shirt.

I'm sorry.

My favourite shirt.

- Put white wine on it.
- No, cold water. Don't worry.

- Let's go to the kitchen.
- White wine on top of red...

- Don't worry.
- White wine makes it vanish.

Or salt can absorb it.

Fuck, Alfonso.

- I'm sorry.
- Relax.

I'm sorry.

Ana, really...

...50. A light workout
and I'm out of breath.

Look, a message!

- Let's see...
- What is it?

"Sunday 6. Reminder: Iva tomorrow".

Who's Iva?

It's the IVA tax, honey.
I pay it tomorrow.

Oh, shoot!

Why didn't you tell me?

- What?
- You were seeing a therapist.

Fuck... I started a short time ago.

- How short?
- Six months.

- Six months is short?
- Don't get mad.

I won't, but you never
wanted therapy.

- Now I do.
- Why?

I still think it does no good,
but I feel so bad,

anything helps,
even if it's absurd.

Thanks, honey, I love you too.

Eva, you insisted on
marriage counseling.

but I think it's better separately,
that's why I didn't tell you.

- No, you do this in two's.
- But not two specialists and an idiot.

Is it all confrontation to you?
You think this is a tennis match?

Then invite your friends
and we'll play doubles.

You're right, I turn everything
into a confrontation.

I'm right? Wow! Fantastic!

I always want to be on top,
since I've got such a complex.

- And have the last word.
- That's what my psychologist says:

I have to give way.

And he says that

the couples that weather the storm

are those in which one
of them makes the effort

to take a step back.

So the couple is taking
a step forward.

- He says that?
- He does.

So to take a step forward

you have to go backwards.

Don't laugh, he's one of yours.

Change your shirt.

I'm not changing my shirt.

- And a photo for Pepe!
- The only one who can relax.

- It's Isabel.
- Look out, it's not Lucía.

- Show us that, Pepe.
- Goddamn you.

- What is it?
- What is it?

- What's this?
- Give me that.

Alfonso, come and see this.

- Pepe my man!
- I don't know.

- "Honey..." Who is it?
- Whose is it?

Pepe's.

- Are you studying anatomy?
- Gynaecology, more like.

- What's that?
- It's not for you girls.

- Give it to me!
- I want to see too.

This filth is sexy to you?

What is this?
Her legs are...

Is she upside down or what?

- Your pick-ups amaze me.
- She's not a pick-up.

I met her at the gym.

- And she's doing pilates.
- Or some Satanic ritual.

- Antonio, shut your mouth.
- This is making up for lost time.

A year without getting laid,
now a girlfriend, plus a contortionist!

She's nothing, she's half crazy.

I dropped my pen!
I dropped my pen!

What's that on her ass?

- What is that?
- Yes, it's a penis.

What kind of penises have you seen?
It's a snake.

A snake with an apple
in its mouth.

It's a typical Biblical tattoo.

- What do you think, prof?
- Someone's gambling on a beating

and has all the tickets.

- Careful with the phone.
- Don't bust my balls.

She's disgusting!

- Message!
- What's wrong?

Message.

- Are you angry?
- It's yours.

Mine?

Yes, yours, yours.

What's that ringtone?

The kids must've put it on.

It's Borja.

What's he say?

"How are you?"

Who's Borja?

- A guy at the practice.
- Doesn't ring a bell.

You were on maternity leave
when he joined us. A great guy.

- You're not going to answer?
- No. Why?

He wrote to you.

Sure, write to him:
"I'm fine, I'm at home".

- He's not at home.
- That's right.

Say: "Having dinner with friends.
Call you tomorrow".

Sure, all right.

- No, it's not all right.
- Is it not?

No. Why does he have to say
where he is?

Yes, why do I?

There's no privacy anymore.

Before, people asked "How are you?",
now it's "Where are you?".

It's unbearable.

OK, but he did ask
"How are you?".

This is important, damn it!

Why must I be available
to everyone all the time?

I'll call you when I feel like it!

We used to have ten,
twenty contacts at most.

Now, with fucking phones,
we have 100.

And if we don't call in 5 minutes,
they get annoyed.

And they spot you
when you're online.

Everyone knows where you are
all the time.

Your mother, your girl, the bank,
everyone, especially at night.

"Why were you online at 5 a.m.?"

"What the hell do you care
what time I go online. Fuck!"

We can't go on like this!
That's enough!

OK, I won't answer.

Good! Don't answer.

Besides, Borja's a pest.

You have an email.

- Who's it from?
- He looks shit-scared.

Read it. Read it out loud.

"Fenix Travel..."

The agency.

Wait, this'll knock you out.
Listen...

Please, read email.

I cannot find "readymail"
among your contacts.

It's your pronunciation,
speak clearly.

- Message for Ana.
- No, no, no!

- Who's it from?
- Hold on a moment.

We'll finish Alfonso first,
then go to Ana.

Please, read... the... email.

You have a new email
from Fenix Travel at 10:33 p.m.

Subject: stay in Teruel.

Dear Mr. Ruiz, we regret to say
that after an exhaustive search,

we've found nothing
under 100 euros a night

due to high season.

We may find places
by raising the price. Goodbye.

But we're flat broke.

I cannot help you with that.

One question...
Why a money limit?

I asked for a budget.

But who decided we couldn't
afford more than 100 a room?

The way things are,
you don't throw away money.

- The way things are for whom?
- A little for everybody.

100 is a lot for you?
Don't shit me!

- It's not that, Eduardo.
- If I say I'm going, I can pay.

Otherwise, I won't go.
But you decide things for me

on some shitty WhatsApp group.

Like the football. What's the group?
"Everyone but Edu"?

- "Let's save Edu"?
- "Edu's a pain in the ass".

If you want, I'll call the agency
and say "Open bar,

- suites for everyone, pool, jacuzzi...
- OK, OK.

I asked for a tighter budget

because, if you recall,
I'm unemployed.

- You said you weren't going.
- I changed my mind. Is that OK?

- So you are in this little group?
- Yes, not the football one, this one.

- "Because he has a girlfriend..."
- Exactly.

You should bring Isabel
the contortionist along.

I'm going to fucking smack you.

Let's look at the message for Ana.

Stop touching the phones, fuck it.

"Number unknown"

Let's see...

"Dear Mrs. García,

we inform you that a place
has just become available.

If you answer this message
in the next 24 hours,

you will enjoy a 15% discount."
That's great.

"Do not hesitate to contact us
for any further information.

Thank you for choosing us.

Los Alamos Senior Citizens Home...

What this Los Alamos place?

- A home?
- No. A residence.

The other day I went with María,
the girl with twins, to see her mother.

We saw the place
and it's really nice.

I gave them my email
for more information, that's all.

Who's the home for? My mother?

It's not a home,
more like a luxury hotel.

The breakfasts are amazing:

eggs, bacon, sausages, juices...

You think it's fine not to tell me?

Oh, right, it just happened.

Look, I didn't even
keep the number.

This is too much.
You want to throw her out?

No, Antonio!
Don't get all riled up!

I don't want to throw anyone out.

The poor woman, in her state,
but she does anything for us,

she looks after the kids,
the house, everything.

- That's the problem.
- What problem?

I'm suffocating.

Since she's lived with us
I've been suffocating.

She chooses everything. Everything!
What we watch on TV, the coffee...

And she's always around.
We haven't been alone for ages.

- Now.
- Just you and me.

We're alone right now

because my mother's minding the kids.

I'm not getting into this.

- That'd be better.
- I'm not getting into it.

Sorry.

We'll talk at home.

No, not at home
because your mother's there!

I really like my mother-in-law.

But if she had to live with us...

- My mother?
- Yes.

- I'd throw her out before you.
- You see?

That's true.

What's the time? The eclipse!

- We forgot about it.
- Then let's go!

Let's go.

It's wonderful.

- Blood Moon.
- Bigger than ever.

Fuck, it's huge.

Like a dream.

Or a nightmare.

The Mayans must be freaking out.

You idiot, Pepe.
You don't believe in anything?

What am I meant to believe in?

All cultures warn of the danger
of an eclipse like this.

Let's take a photo!
I'll get my phone.

This photo obsession,
I can't stand it.

- Shouldn't you change your shirt?
- I'm not taking off my shirt!

- C'mon, a selfie!
- Get the Moon in.

Everyone together.

- Come on.
- Smile.

Let's go!

Another, another.

Smile!

That's it.

- We didn't come out.
- You pressed the button wrong.

You should use the flash.

No, we didn't come out.
We're not in the photo.

- Let me see...
- The Moon's here and we're not in it.

You took the photo by accident
before we got in it.

- You didn't hit the button.
- I'm not an idiot, OK?

- I know how to take a photo.
- Let's do another.

- Another one.
- C'mon, another.

Go.

- Pepe...
- Leave me alone, Antonio.

- Come down.
- Ready?

- Yes.
- Yes.

"Message from Gordi".

- Who's Gordi?
- Sergio, my ex.

We're not in the photo.

Forget the photos. What does
your ex want on Saturday night?

- I don't know.
- What do you think?

I don't get why
you've got him down as "Gordi".

- It's from when we went out.
- Then change it.

- OK.
- Is it so hard?

It should be name and surname.
He's not her "Gordi" now.

- OK.
- He's her ex.

- Exactly.
- That bothers you?

Don't trust exes.
Like the Japanese, they never give up.

- Get outta here.
- Like the Mayans.

I bet he's a great guy,
he's alone in some bar, bored,

- and felt like calling.
- May I?

Of course.

What do you know?

"I...

What does he say?

"I feel like fucking".

- Maybe it's the autocorrect.
- Go fuck yourself!

No, honey.
It's not the autocorrect.

- Can you explain why you're laughing?
- Yes, I can.

Then explain!

Sergio is in this relationship.

It's just sex, OK?

But it's a lie,
he's in love like a bitch.

That's why he called the vet.

I'm my ex's sentimental advisor.
That's why he calls me.

- What the hell are you saying?
- Don't you believe me?

- No, I don't.
- Sorry, it does sound fabricated.

No, it sounds terrible.

OK, let's do this... C'mon.

C'mon, c'mon.

He'll explain it to you.

Listen.

Blanca?

Yes.

Just as well.
I'm fucked. What do I do?

- She called you, right?
- She called me.

OK, and?

- She asked me to go to her place.
- And you're not going.

I shouldn't go,
but I really want to.

Right, Gordi... Sergio...

- Act like you don't want to.
- Blanca, I can't.

I can't stop thinking about her,
she's driving me crazy.

- I feel bad.
- If you go, it'll be like always.

OK, thanks.
I know, it's a big help.

No, thank you for calling
whenever you feel like it.

- So, have you got it straight?
- Yeah, OK, alright.

OK. Ciao.
Don't go to her place.

No. Relax.

See?

How often do you talk?

I don't know,
when he feels like f...

When he's in a crisis,
he calls me, the poor guy.

- Poor guy?
- Give him Eva's number,

she's a psychologist.

- Or he can get a hooker.
- Honey...

It's cold, let's go inside.

Shall we clear the table?

Yes, it's dessert next.
Tiramisu time.

If it bugs you,
I'll tell him not to call.

- OK, tell him that.
- OK, fine.

But he's your friend, right?
Why not talk to him?

And it's great that
you have this relationship.

- You just have to trust her.
- I do trust her,

but these calls about fucking
piss me off. Is that so strange?

Is Gordi the one
with the house in Teruel?

Shit, that's why Blanca
was so crazy about truffles.

- Does he have a house in Teruel?
- Don't be silly.

- What's wrong?
- Leave the phones alone.

Sorry, I'm used to
having it in my hand.

Attention. New rule:
no picking up the phones.

- Who is it?
- Alfonso.

Fucking hell.

Hey, sweetie.

Hi, Dad. Can you talk?

Dad...

Is it urgent?

It's... I don't know
how to tell you, but...

Nacho's parents have
gone away this weekend

and he asked me to stay with him.

I mean... sleep with him.

OK. What do you want to do?

Me? I don't know.

I kind of feel like it,
but it's not what I expected.

Well, I did, but not tonight.

If I say no, he'll feel bad.
He's right into the idea.

- What do I do, Dad?
- You're not sleeping with him

because he'll feel bad if you don't,
that's no reason.

You do it when you want to.

Right.

The first time is a memory
that's with you all your life,

not something to tell your friends.

If you think you'll always
remember tonight with a laugh,

go ahead, do it.

But if you're not sure,

if you're not ready, wait.

You have plenty of time.

You know what?

What?

No, nothing.

No, tell me, honey. Tell me.

I was so embarrassed today
when you gave me those condoms,

I wanted the ground
to swallow me up.

Listen, I didn't give you them
to use precisely today.

It's like you knew
what was going to happen.

If I do go to Nacho's house,

- tell Mom I'm with Susana, OK?
- Why don't you tell her?

- Tell her what?
- The truth.

Are you kidding?

You have to talk to her,
I've told you that for ages.

She just gets mad at me.
She never listens.

You have to get your mother
at the right time. You know that.

You have to be patient.

Too patient, Dad.

It's worth it, I assure you.

You're so in love with her,
you don't see what a drag she is.

Hey, watch it!

Well, I'll go.
Thanks a lot, Dad.

I hope it goes alright.

OK.

Big kiss.

'Bye, honey.

Ciao.

You did really well.

Well done, you can tell
the therapy's working.

- Did you tell everyone?
- Just Ana.

I only told Blanca.

Eduardo told me.

- Well, a little more tiramisu?
- Yes.

- You bunch of bastards.
- No more.

- It's really nice.
- It's delicious.

Who wants some more?

Just half, if you don't mind.

Not you, it's fattening.

- It's very nice.
- Come on, it's a party.

You can talk, eh? More?

My mother made it.

- Really?
- Just so you know.

GOING TO ANSWER?

- Message.
- Borja again.

He's a pest, the poor guy.

Just answer it.

Yes. Alright...

I'm having... dinner...
with... some friends.

We'll talk... tomorrow.

Let's see if he gets it.

"Dickhead", he says.
What's he on about? Is he an idiot?

This Borja takes a lot of liberties.

An idiot's idiot.

See what he wants. Answer it.

- Answer it.
- Yes. Alright.

Hello?

What's with the goody-goody voice?

You don't fool me.

Weren't you sick?
Didn't you have the flu?

Why did you go out?
Why didn't you tell me?

Not answering?
Sure, you don't know what to say.

Your problem is you don't know
what you want from life.

That's what's wrong with you.
Adults make decisions, understand?

Not you, you pretend you're sick
then go out with your buddies.

Get your head straight for once.

Ask yourself if you're into men
or women!

Hey, are you listening to me?

Look, fuck you!

Alright...

I'll explain it little by little,
I don't want the usual thing to happen.

That's... Borja.

He sits next to me
in the practice every day,

day after day after day.

And of course, we chat.
That sort of thing.

I've given him no reason,
he's like that.

He's like that, he's gay.

Borja is gay.

And of course, there you go,

the poor guy's obsessed with me.

That's all there is to it.

Don't go all quiet
like a bunch of assholes.

Honey, say something.

Eduardo, it's not that weird.
Tell her.

Yeah, yeah...

Someone who works with him...

is gay.

He's gay, see? That's what he is.

Did you have a relationship?

Have we gone mad or what?

Did you have something with him?

What? How could I?

He fell in love with me,

he's nuts,
he follows me around.

I don't know if you realize this,
but...

gays think everyone's a faggot.

Now, besides doing boob jobs,
you're a scientist, right?

Freud, fucking Freud.

- You know what I mean.
- That's the way it is.

Alfonso's right.

I want to know
if you two had anything.

You're obsessed.
No! Are you crazy?

Honey, look at me.

We've been together 15 years,
we have two kids.

You should know me.

- Maybe I don't know you well enough.
- Don't shit me!

It's me, OK? I'm normal.

How can I be one of those...?

There's nothing wrong with it.
Everyone knows what they're doing.

I simply have other tastes,
I like women.

And not all women, just one.

My wife, specifically.

Ana, how do I tell you?
Between me and this...

Borja...

Between Borja and me
there's nothing, shit!

It's Borja.

God-damn!

What does he say?

He says... yes... no, he says...

specifically...

he says...

"I miss your kisses".

Ana... Ana, that's enough. Please.

Antonio, Antonio...

Are you a faggot?

It's fine. It's alright.

Try to look on the bright side.

Will you hand me the wine?

- Hand me the wine!
- OK, it's alright.

It's alright.

I'm glad. I'm telling you,
I'm glad. You're brave.

Cut it out. Joke's over.

He's a faggot!

Shit! Let go of me!

Ana, that's enough.

Can you tell me
the fucking bright side of all this?

First, there's no other woman.

Second, he's not questioning
his relationship with you.

He's just questioning himself.

The problem, Blanca honey,

is that some Borja really misses
my husband's kisses.

Got it?

God damn it...

This is some stupid shit
because of this fucking game.

- It's easy to explain.
- Yes, we'll explain.

There's an explanation. You see...

You don't need to explain.

- There's one thing...
- What's with the tone of voice?

Nothing. I'm fine.
Are you fine?

- Of course I am, kid.
- Then we're all fine.

Let them speak.

He kept quiet for 20 years,
naturally it's a bit hard now.

There's an explanation.
Please, listen.

There's something I don't get.

Are you pissed that I'm a fag
or that I didn't tell you?

I'm pissed that after 20 years
I have no fucking idea who you are.

You don't know who he is?

He's Antonio,
your pal Antonio, as ever.

He hasn't changed.

You told him everything,
shared everything with him.

I shared everything, he didn't!

He overlooked one tiny detail
that he should've told me.

I should've? Why is that?

Why? We've slept together,
spooning,

we've showered together.

If I have a gay friend,
I want to know.

Then I'll decide if I care,
but I want to know!

"I'll decide if I care".

Are you listening to yourself?
Do you realize what you're saying?

Do you realize
what you didn't say?

What's the fucking problem here?

He can say what he wants.
Or keep it quiet.

If it's OK with everyone,
then I'll shut up.

I'm the weird one, end of story.

Why is anyone "weird" or not?

Let's leave it alone.
Anyone want a gin and tonic?

- How long have you been with him?
- Fuck, this'll never be over.

Ana, please, don't you realize
that all this is absurd?

You haven't touched me for months.

I was sure you had a lover,

some slut like Pepe's.

- No offense.
- None taken.

At least that'd make sense,
it explains lots of things...

What things, Ana?

- This is too much, Ana...
- Shut up!

I'm sick of you defending each other.
I want him to speak.

How long have you been with Borja?

Are you going to tell me?

A short while.

And how many?

How many what?

How many of "those"
were there before him?

- None.
- Ana, Borja's the only one.

Fuck off, you clown!

Ana, that's enough!

That's enough.
You've made enough of a scene.

Let's go, we'll argue
about it at home.

Yes, in front of the kids.
We'll stand side by side and say:

"Dad's got something
very instructive to say".

What a fucking ordeal!

"But don't tell the teacher
that Dad likes boys,

or he won't be able to
pick you up from school again".

- Fuck, that's heavy.
- Ana, being gay's one thing,

- a pederast is another.
- Forget it: gay, pederast, communist,

jihadi, Trekkie...
What else am I?

- Can I say something, please?
- Not now. Now shut up.

Eduardo.

Get it.

Hi, Mario.

Shit, aren't you calling me?

Sorry, I've been busy.

Did she like the ring?

Very much.

Does it suit her?
Hey, it's no bother,

you can come with her
and we'll adjust it, whatever.

No, it fits "like a glove".

Listen, now's not a good time.

You sure fretted a lot
about the ring.

- See how you ought to listen to me?
- True. I'll leave you now...

And the earrings?
Did she like them?

Edu?

Man...

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

You don't sound convinced.

See you later.

Edu...

I never wear earrings.

In fact, my ears aren't pierced

Who liked the earrings?

That's enough of this fucking game!

Do you see what happens?
Things get twisted.

Couples get pulled apart.

Let's go, eh?

It's very late. What time is it?

Why don't you pick it up?

It's Lola.

Then take Lola's call!

But it'll be about my shift.

Answer it.

Blanca...

Blanca! What are you doing?

Blanca, please, give me the phone.

Give me the fucking phone, please.

What are you doing?

- Give me the phone.
- Eduardo, I'm sorry, I'm hysterical.

I bought a test at the drugstore
and I don't understand it.

What does a red line mean?

I think it's positive,
but positive for whom?

- I don't understand.
- No... Blanca!

Blanca.

Blanca.

Blanca.

Open the door, Blanca!

Go away!

What a son of a bitch.

Listen to me!

Blanca, please, let me explain!

Will you let me speak?

Really, it was nothing.
Open up, please.

Blanca! Blanquita!

Blanca! Shit!

Shut up!

It was one night,
it was stupid, we were drunk...

I swear to God...

What are you doing?

Is there any time of day
when you don't have

your dick stuck someplace?

Why? We fuck every day,
even several times

and we're really happy. Why?!

Why?

We just got married, I don't get it.

Blanca... come out of there.

Don't make a big drama out of it.

Try to look on the bright side.

Pig!

Blanca.

I don't deserve this.

Don't be melodramatic.

Bastard, son of a bitch.

You're going to make a scene now?

It's not that serious.

What's up?

Do you have something to tell me?

Nothing.

Blanca...

Some guy here wants to know
if you've taken your panties off.

Aren't you wearing any?

Did you put your panties on?

Who the hell is Hugo?

Nobody.

Oh, no? It says "Hugo" here.

It's a silly game.

Since when have you
been playing this silly game?

It's nothing, I don't know him.

"I don't know him", she says.

I've never seen him,
we only write.

Ana, don't shit me.

- I swear, it's just virtual.
- Virtual? Fuck off!

It began as goofing around, chatting.

Yeah? Then let's goof around
and call him.

- No. Let's go home.
- What home?

What home?

I've never heard his voice.

He's married too.
What do I to say to him?

No... No, no, no.
Please, no.

I'm begging you.

Hello?

Ana?

Hello, Hugo.

Hello, Ana. What a surprise.

I wanted to speak to you.

Thank you.

And I'd like to see you.

But you said no.

I changed my mind.

OK, we can meet.
I'd like to as well, you know that.

Well, I have to go now.

Ana? Ana?

Go ahead.

You've got a nice voice,
different to what I'd imagined.

Goodbye, Hugo.

It's pretty, I like it.

I like it a lot.

Do you like this voice, asshole?

Done. He'll never call back.

Does this change things?

What's the difference if he
fucks you on the phone or in person?

Sorry to tell you,
but you're no one to give a sermon.

Besides, I didn't screw anyone.

You're a pig, Ana.

A pig and a coward.

Fucking over the phone.

The only problem is losing signal
before you come, right?

I'll screw the next one in a hotel,
all brave, like you.

At least somebody
gets your panties off.

I'm leaving.

Yes, go. It's the right thing.

Tell the kids about it,
they'll think it's brilliant.

Stick it up your ass!
No, sorry, you love that.

- Wait a moment.
- Let go!

- Are you wearing any?
- What are you doing?

Let go of me!

Didn't you say it was virtual?

- What do you care?
- No!

- Antonio, stop.
- Let me see.

- No!
- Let me see.

- No!
- Antonio...

- Leave her alone!
- Let go of me!

I want to see if she has panties on!
I think I have that right!

Antonio, please!

- Let me see them!
- That's enough, Antonio!

Where are you going?

- Let me see.
- No!

Are you such a pig
that you don't wear panties?

Get off! Get off!

Pig!

That's enough!

What's wrong with you?
Have you gone mad?

Antonio, touch your wife again...

and I'll tear your head off.

Happy?

What's up with you?

One thing...

Just so you know: I'm the faggot.

Answer your fucking phone, hunk.

What?

Didn't you hear it?

You're a dickhead.

A dickhead, no, a faggot.

Yes.

Did I say it right? Faggot.

Because you guys say it
loud and clear.

You switched phones?
What for?

Ask him.

The contortionist?

Don't laugh.

Look, I acted gay for a second,
and that's enough for me.

It fucking sucked.
You drove me nuts, you bastards.

All of you: "Faggot! Faggot!".
That spooning thing...

- What's wrong?
- What's wrong?!

If I'm gay I have to
do you up the ass?

You're not my type, kid.

And you too:

"I'm not gay, I'm normal".

What? I'm not normal?

Pepe... Listen, I'm sorry.

This conversation sucks.
It's ancient and rancid.

There's gay marriage now,
even adoption. Fuck off!

Bawling all fucking day!

Why do you think
they threw me out of the school?

For putting on 10 kilos?

Bastards.

Because they think like you, Eduardo.

Faggots can't go into a gym
without feeling up someone's ass.

If that's it, Pepe,
we can take them to court.

Yeah, to court...

I didn't even have the balls
to tell my friends

and I'm going to say it in court
for my mother to see.

Now you can introduce us
to this Borja, right'?

No, no way.

We're not bad guys, are we?

No, you're not bad.

You're assholes,
but you're not bad guys.

I don't care about
your little jokes,

but they could really hurt him

and I don't want him to feel bad.
Do you know why?

Because I'm in love with him.

Fuck, that sounds weird.
Any whisky around?

She left in a taxi.

I tried to talk to her,
but there was no way.

No way. She refused,
there was no way.

What a shitty night.

If only we could turn the clock back.

Maybe you were right, honey:

we should've gone out.

Yes.

The game was just great.
No, really.

It really set things straight.

Anyway, thanks everyone
for keeping so quiet, thinking:

"Oh, poor girl,
she hasn't got a clue.

And we don't give a shit,
he's our friend!"

You can all go fuck yourselves!

Maybe you should go too.

If I see you again, I'll kill you.

I'm going to bed.

Good night.

Good night.

Are you alright?

I thought you'd all gone.
I don't get it.

- Excuse me?
- If you want, we can go.

This can't be.

It can't be.

Let's play this phone game.

Yes, before we have second thoughts.

You've got to go backwards
to take a step forward, right?

- Help yourself to more steak.
- No, I'm full.

-I do, it's delicious.
- Just the sauce is full of calories.

To burn this and the biodynamic off,
you'll have to run for three hours.

Three hours of your life in the trash,
as if they never existed.

Is it really worth it?

Hey, a phone's missing.

Eva... Put yours in.

Put it in.

- I can't.
- You can't?

Now she can't.

She was so into it,
now she says she can't do it.

Are you backing out?

You remembered something
real nasty in there, right?

I... dropped it off the balcony.

- You dropped it?
- Onto the street?

- Poor thing. Sorry.
- Gee...

- No contacts, no schedule...
- Don't you have a backup copy?

When these things happen,
you never have anything.

All this cloud stuff,
and then nothing.

If I lost my contacts
I'd commit hara-kiri.

It's alright. Buy another
with your accumulated points.

But now what do we play?

Oh, game over!

Fine, we won't play.
That was it: everyone or no one.

- That was clear from the start.
- So we don't play. What a shame.

- Yes.
- Yes.

My daughter's got Scattergories.

Do we accept "octopus" as a pet?

Do we accept "Pepe"?

Hey, don't get mad
and no hitting.

Just a moment.

- I'll get it. I'll get it.
- Yes!

- No!
- I'll get it!

No, from now on all phones
are in airplane mode.

No more phones.
Let's have a quiet dinner.

- Fine by me.
- Who is it?

Unknown number.

- Honey, are you alright?
- Yes.

I just thought that
octopus thing was funny.

You're acting weird.
Are you really alright?

Better than ever.

I feel great.

It must be the eclipse.

Yes, it must be the eclipse.

Translation and subtitles by
PEPPER & LALASPAIN
*** SONG LIVES FOR EVER ***