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1
00:00:00,510 --> 00:00:04,050
- Oh God! It's meh!
- I could imagine it.
2
00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:05,850
It wasn't that bad. --
You just opened it up.
3
00:00:05,900 --> 00:00:08,610
What! You had to lift that up
everytime you wanted to play a song(?)
4
00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:09,860
Yeah.
5
00:00:10,220 --> 00:00:12,690
- It's amazing to think
that was normal. - Yeah.
6
00:00:12,740 --> 00:00:16,450
Then you put your LP on, and if
you were anything like your dad,
7
00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:19,610
you had to make sure there
wasn't any dust on his record,
8
00:00:19,660 --> 00:00:22,060
because it affected the stylus.
9
00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:25,370
You needed a degree just to put a song on!
10
00:00:25,420 --> 00:00:29,130
- How did they find the time to lift
the lid, do the dusting... - I know!
11
00:00:29,180 --> 00:00:32,120
Was it anything to do with all the paedos?
12
00:00:32,980 --> 00:00:34,170
What does that mean, love?
13
00:00:34,220 --> 00:00:36,930
It just occurred to me there might
be a link between how hard it was
14
00:00:36,980 --> 00:00:40,410
to put a song on in the '70s and
the fact everyone was a paedo.
15
00:00:40,460 --> 00:00:42,650
I... I don't think there's a link.
16
00:00:42,700 --> 00:00:43,690
OK, then.
17
00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:47,290
Also, not everyone who was alive
in the '70s was a paedophile.
18
00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:48,810
We'll see.
19
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:53,490
- Could I ask you another question about your
record player? - Shall we move on? - Yeah.
20
00:00:53,540 --> 00:00:55,770
We could take these to Australia, Kell.
21
00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:57,770
Oh!
22
00:00:57,820 --> 00:01:01,410
Amazing! God! I can't wait!
23
00:01:01,460 --> 00:01:03,700
That's a great idea, yeah.
24
00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:07,730
- Was that convincing?
- Almost.
25
00:01:07,780 --> 00:01:11,170
Right, so your mum's going to
come and take that little fridge,
26
00:01:11,220 --> 00:01:13,730
isn't she? Is she going
to want anything else?
27
00:01:13,780 --> 00:01:15,650
Oh, I'm sure, yeah.
28
00:01:16,460 --> 00:01:19,450
I mean, who wouldn't want
some of your clear-out?
29
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:22,850
Looks like you've got some
really great stuff here, Cathy.
30
00:01:24,220 --> 00:01:26,610
Well, people can just take
what they want, can't they,
31
00:01:26,660 --> 00:01:28,850
and then we'll chuck the
rest or take it to Scope.
32
00:01:28,900 --> 00:01:30,130
I bet they'll be pleased.
33
00:01:30,180 --> 00:01:32,290
Yeah, with the money they've
raised from this lot,
34
00:01:32,340 --> 00:01:34,690
they'll be able to give
loads of people loads more...
35
00:01:34,740 --> 00:01:37,280
Scope, or whatever it is they do.
36
00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:40,850
I'm taking the mickey!
37
00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:43,370
No...(!)
38
00:01:43,420 --> 00:01:46,090
- I'm taking the mickey out
of your clear-out! - No(!)
39
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:47,730
Yeah! I'm so sorry!
40
00:01:47,780 --> 00:01:49,330
But you seemed so serious.
41
00:01:49,380 --> 00:01:51,130
I know, it was all fake!
42
00:01:51,180 --> 00:01:52,210
- No!
- Yeah!
43
00:01:52,260 --> 00:01:54,210
Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm so mean.
44
00:01:54,260 --> 00:01:56,570
We have such a lot of fun, don't we?
45
00:01:56,620 --> 00:01:58,560
Yeah. It's orgasmic.
46
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,370
Cathy!
47
00:02:04,980 --> 00:02:06,250
Mum.
48
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,100
Look what I found.
49
00:02:09,380 --> 00:02:10,810
Oh!
50
00:02:10,860 --> 00:02:12,060
Aww!
51
00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:15,650
Oh, wow!
52
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,250
Ahh...
53
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:20,600
Well, I really liked Teddy
Sheringham, didn't I?
54
00:02:20,780 --> 00:02:22,330
Did you think it was weird?
55
00:02:22,380 --> 00:02:23,920
Little bit.
56
00:02:24,420 --> 00:02:25,650
Mum!
57
00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:28,330
No, what was really worrying
was that T-shirt you made.
58
00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:30,290
- Oh...
- Oh, no!
59
00:02:30,340 --> 00:02:31,490
What...
60
00:02:31,540 --> 00:02:32,940
this one?
61
00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:36,290
- It's raining!
- Oh, shit.
62
00:02:37,580 --> 00:02:39,250
Get the fridge!
63
00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:41,410
Cathy!
64
00:02:41,460 --> 00:02:42,850
Kelly, calm down, love!
65
00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:46,130
♪ I got my ticket for the long way round
66
00:02:46,180 --> 00:02:49,050
♪ Two bottle whiskey for the way
67
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:52,850
♪ And I sure would like some sweet company
68
00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:56,490
♪ Oh, I'm leaving
tomorrow What do you say?
69
00:02:56,540 --> 00:02:58,610
- ♪ When I'm gone
- ♪ When I'm gone
70
00:02:58,660 --> 00:03:01,090
- ♪ When I'm gone
- ♪ When I'm gone
71
00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:04,130
♪ You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
72
00:03:04,180 --> 00:03:06,330
♪ You're gonna miss me by my hair
73
00:03:06,380 --> 00:03:08,610
♪ You're gonna miss me everywhere
74
00:03:08,660 --> 00:03:11,450
♪ You're gonna miss me when I'm gone... ♪
75
00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:13,490
That's it, in you go!
76
00:03:13,540 --> 00:03:17,490
♪ I got my ticket for the long way round
77
00:03:17,540 --> 00:03:20,090
♪ The one with the prettiest view
78
00:03:20,140 --> 00:03:22,130
♪ It's got mountains It's got rivers
79
00:03:22,180 --> 00:03:23,890
♪ It's got woods that'd give you shivers
80
00:03:23,940 --> 00:03:27,210
♪ But it sure would be prettier with you
81
00:03:27,260 --> 00:03:29,650
- ♪ When I'm gone
- ♪ When I'm gone
82
00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:32,690
- ♪ When I'm gone
- ♪ When I'm gone
83
00:03:32,740 --> 00:03:36,380
♪ You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. ♪
84
00:03:45,980 --> 00:03:47,250
Carol?
85
00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:49,650
Oh, hello.
86
00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:52,010
- I'm Cathy. Nice to meet you at last.
- Hello! Yeah.
87
00:03:52,060 --> 00:03:53,600
Cathy, yeah.
88
00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:57,930
Yeah, take anything you want. I want
to get it all cleared out today, so...
89
00:03:57,980 --> 00:04:01,530
- Oh, no, I'll definitely take a
lot of this. - Oh, good! - Yeah.
90
00:04:01,580 --> 00:04:03,450
I'm taking the piss, you silly bitch.
91
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,640
It's a load of old crap.
92
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:09,290
- Hi, Mum! - Hi, Carol.
- Do you hear that, Kell?
93
00:04:09,340 --> 00:04:11,850
She was like, "I'm having a
clear-out, take what you want,"
94
00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:14,770
and I was like, "As if, you silly bitch!"
95
00:04:15,140 --> 00:04:17,540
Like I'd want any of that crap!
96
00:04:18,020 --> 00:04:19,650
My mum's so funny, isn't she?
97
00:04:19,700 --> 00:04:20,900
Yeah.
98
00:04:22,420 --> 00:04:23,570
Let me take that for you.
99
00:04:23,620 --> 00:04:25,890
Where you going to take it?
100
00:04:27,860 --> 00:04:30,490
Yeah. I'll, um... Yeah, probably
just put it on the, um...
101
00:04:30,540 --> 00:04:32,250
Who's that?
102
00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:33,640
My dad.
103
00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:35,980
Fit.
104
00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:38,730
Good.
105
00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:40,530
I've... I've put the fridge out front,
106
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:43,490
but feel free to look in the
garage, and take whatever you want.
107
00:04:43,540 --> 00:04:45,530
I want to get rid of
as much as I can, so...
108
00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:48,330
Yeah, no, I was sorry to hear
about your husband, Cathy.
109
00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:49,410
Um...
110
00:04:49,460 --> 00:04:51,930
- Dave.
- Yeah. That's right.
111
00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:53,290
Very sad.
112
00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:55,080
Thank you. Yeah.
113
00:04:56,060 --> 00:04:58,250
Yeah, it's not been easy,
the past couple of years.
114
00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:00,240
You seen that, Kell?
115
00:05:01,180 --> 00:05:02,580
Oh, yeah.
116
00:05:03,340 --> 00:05:04,850
What do you keep in there?
117
00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:06,100
Tea.
118
00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:11,450
You heard about Kelly's new job, Cathy?
119
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:13,170
No.
120
00:05:13,220 --> 00:05:15,560
She's been headhunted by MI5.
121
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,250
Mum!
122
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:18,810
I'm joking.
123
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:21,130
She's been poached by NASA.
124
00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:22,490
Mum!
125
00:05:22,540 --> 00:05:24,850
No, I'm joking. I'm sorry, Kell.
126
00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:26,610
She has got a new job, Cathy.
127
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,130
She's writing the questions on Mastermind.
128
00:05:29,180 --> 00:05:32,770
She didn't want to make a thing of
it as it's not been confirmed yet,
129
00:05:32,820 --> 00:05:34,130
but...
130
00:05:34,180 --> 00:05:37,050
she's 90 per cent certain that
she's got the job in Sainsbury's.
131
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:39,130
Well done, love! That's great.
132
00:05:39,180 --> 00:05:40,930
My daughter working in Sainsbury's.
133
00:05:40,980 --> 00:05:42,920
I feel like dancing.
134
00:05:44,340 --> 00:05:46,010
Oh, I see what you've done.
135
00:05:46,060 --> 00:05:48,130
You knocked it through.
136
00:05:51,580 --> 00:05:54,890
Basically, if she says
something horrible to me,
137
00:05:54,940 --> 00:05:58,130
or, like, if she says something to
me that's true and I wish it wasn't
138
00:05:58,180 --> 00:06:01,210
and it makes me want to cry,
what I do is, I just laugh.
139
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:02,860
Great.
140
00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:09,180
Well, this is going to be fun.
141
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,490
- What's that?
- Kelly's mum's here.
142
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:14,890
Oh, God. How is she?
143
00:06:14,940 --> 00:06:18,140
I'm not sure, but I think she might
be the worst person I've ever met.
144
00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,450
- Worcester sauce.
- I'll pass.
145
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:23,250
Jason nicks all the good flavours.
146
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,290
So... how's it going?
147
00:06:25,340 --> 00:06:27,090
Yeah, good, good. Yeah.
148
00:06:27,140 --> 00:06:29,300
Oh, wow. That's massive.
149
00:06:30,460 --> 00:06:31,850
Shall I do it in one?
150
00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:33,570
Give it a try.
151
00:06:38,340 --> 00:06:41,650
Yeah. Congratulations. That
was very pleasant to watch.
152
00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:43,170
Thank you.
153
00:06:44,180 --> 00:06:46,650
No, no. It's all coming along.
It's all coming along. Yeah.
154
00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:49,530
Everything's under control.
You know, all pretty simple.
155
00:06:49,580 --> 00:06:52,650
Basically you put the
brackets to the telly, and...
156
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:55,100
fix the telly to the wall. Mmm?
157
00:06:55,900 --> 00:06:58,010
I won't bore you with
all the details. Er...
158
00:06:58,060 --> 00:07:00,610
I'm actually supposed to be
somewhere, so I'm just going to go
159
00:07:00,660 --> 00:07:03,530
- and check I've got all the bits...
- OK. - .. and just get on with it. - Yeah.
160
00:07:03,580 --> 00:07:05,050
If I have to watch Jason and Kelly
161
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:06,850
canoodling on the sofa one more time,
162
00:07:06,900 --> 00:07:09,130
I think I might dig my
eyes out with a spoon.
163
00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:11,570
Almost makes me want
them to go to Australia.
164
00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:12,850
They call each other "babe".
165
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:16,010
Oh, God. My Nikki calls
her boyfriend "babylips".
166
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:17,690
Sorry.
167
00:07:17,740 --> 00:07:19,570
- Babylips?
- Babylips.
168
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:21,250
Has he got lips like a baby?
169
00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:23,210
He does, actually.
170
00:07:24,170 --> 00:07:25,170
I can talk.
171
00:07:25,220 --> 00:07:28,810
When Dave and I were their age,
we used to call each other "pet".
172
00:07:28,860 --> 00:07:30,860
Yeah, I remember that.
173
00:07:34,380 --> 00:07:36,250
- Can I stay up here?
- No. Bugger off.
174
00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:37,970
- Oh, come on.
- No, go on. Go, go.
175
00:07:38,020 --> 00:07:41,050
Bugger off and let me finish
putting up this telly.
176
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:42,210
Please?
177
00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:43,400
Go.
178
00:08:10,460 --> 00:08:11,570
Come in, come in!
179
00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:13,370
Oh, thanks!
180
00:08:13,420 --> 00:08:14,690
It's big, isn't it?
181
00:08:14,740 --> 00:08:17,010
The steam cleaner or Derek's penis?
182
00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:19,900
- She's had a glass of wine.
- Right.
183
00:08:21,940 --> 00:08:23,290
So, how was the golf?
184
00:08:23,340 --> 00:08:25,290
It was good. Wasn't it?
185
00:08:25,340 --> 00:08:27,610
Yeah, no, it was something
different, yeah.
186
00:08:27,660 --> 00:08:30,770
I shouldn't laugh, but Derek
kept using the nine-iron.
187
00:08:30,820 --> 00:08:32,490
The nine-iron.
188
00:08:33,540 --> 00:08:35,890
- Sorry, I don't know what that is.
- It's the stick thing.
189
00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:37,930
The "stick thing"? It's called a club.
190
00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:40,690
Yeah, I know it is. I
know it is. I was joking.
191
00:08:40,740 --> 00:08:43,210
He was in the bunker for
ages. Everyone was watching.
192
00:08:43,260 --> 00:08:45,050
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
193
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:47,610
- She did both.
- Right.
194
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,850
So... So the golf was OK?
195
00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:51,010
Yeah, no, it was good.
196
00:08:51,060 --> 00:08:53,490
- I mean, it's more about the
social side, isn't it? - Yeah.
197
00:08:53,540 --> 00:08:56,050
- I met a millionaire. - Oh! OK. - Yeah.
198
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,370
- Was he nice?
- Yeah, he was lovely.
199
00:08:58,420 --> 00:09:01,020
- Let me carry his clubs.
- Great!
200
00:09:03,140 --> 00:09:06,170
Er, so... Carol, do you want to
have a look in the garage, then?
201
00:09:06,220 --> 00:09:08,410
You can help yourself
to anything you want.
202
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:10,890
OK. Thanks, Cathy. That's lovely. Yeah.
203
00:09:10,940 --> 00:09:12,170
Amazing.
204
00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:14,930
Like I'd want any of her crap,
Kell. Do you know what I mean?
205
00:09:14,980 --> 00:09:17,210
Yeah, I know! She's full of bullshit.
206
00:09:17,260 --> 00:09:18,690
I know!
207
00:09:18,740 --> 00:09:20,930
I'm so, so, sorry. I
don't mean a word of it.
208
00:09:20,980 --> 00:09:23,330
- Don't worry. It's fine.
- Oh, thanks.
209
00:09:23,380 --> 00:09:25,720
Yeah, such a rotten old slag.
210
00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:29,860
Mum! Nan and Grandad are here!
211
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,650
You've got fat.
212
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,010
Thanks, Maureen.
213
00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:39,210
I barely recognised you.
214
00:09:39,260 --> 00:09:41,410
I don't think I've put
on any weight, actually.
215
00:09:41,460 --> 00:09:44,050
Oh, you have. You're ginormous!
216
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:46,410
OK!
217
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:48,130
- All right, Nan?
- You all right?
218
00:09:48,180 --> 00:09:49,370
Oh...
219
00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:50,570
Everything hurts.
220
00:09:50,620 --> 00:09:53,370
- OK.
- I'm going blind in one eye.
221
00:09:53,420 --> 00:09:54,490
Oh, no!
222
00:09:54,540 --> 00:09:57,730
If I'd known when I met her
she'd end up like this...
223
00:09:57,780 --> 00:10:00,180
Honestly, I'd have run a mile.
224
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,890
- "Hello, Deepak"?
- Are you kidding me?
225
00:10:02,940 --> 00:10:05,690
- I don't know. - "Hello,
Deepak"? Have you lost your mind?
226
00:10:05,740 --> 00:10:08,850
- I don't know! - Have you no
idea how to text a millionaire?
227
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,610
Course I know how to text a millionaire.
228
00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:14,370
Course I do. You've just got to be,
like, humble, and use big words.
229
00:10:14,420 --> 00:10:16,820
Oh, Derek. You're such a brute.
230
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:21,610
Hello, Reg.
231
00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:23,330
You all right?
232
00:10:23,740 --> 00:10:26,010
Why are you dressed like a poof?
233
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:28,770
Reg! They've been playing golf.
234
00:10:28,820 --> 00:10:30,370
- Golf?
- Yeah.
235
00:10:30,420 --> 00:10:32,890
Why are they dressed like poofs?
236
00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:34,090
Maureen!
237
00:10:34,140 --> 00:10:36,050
They've been playing golf.
238
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:37,170
Olf?
239
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,570
Golf.
240
00:10:38,620 --> 00:10:39,890
What's olf?
241
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,380
GOLF!
242
00:10:42,620 --> 00:10:45,170
His outfit cost him £575.
243
00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:49,050
Well, it's breathable polyester, so...
244
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:51,050
that's the kind of price you have to pay
245
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:53,640
if you want breathable polyester.
246
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:57,300
I know I shouldn't laugh, but Derek
kept trying to use a nine-iron.
247
00:10:59,140 --> 00:11:01,940
He was in the bunker using a nine-iron.
248
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:06,170
- He was stood in the bunker...
- I wouldn't bother. - Yes.
249
00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:08,210
We've put the rugs in the boot, Maureen.
250
00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:10,930
Help yourself to anything
else you want, OK?
251
00:11:10,980 --> 00:11:13,170
Can we have her telly?
252
00:11:13,220 --> 00:11:16,330
Nan. This is Carol. Kelly's mum.
253
00:11:16,380 --> 00:11:17,850
Who?
254
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:19,370
Kelly's mum!
255
00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:21,220
Nice to meet you!
256
00:11:22,860 --> 00:11:24,400
Who's Kelly?
257
00:11:25,140 --> 00:11:27,010
How's it going up there?
258
00:11:27,060 --> 00:11:28,690
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
259
00:11:28,740 --> 00:11:30,530
Yeah, I just need one more bit, I think,
260
00:11:30,580 --> 00:11:32,410
and I can hang it up properly.
261
00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:36,220
So, Pauline is trying to
get Derek into golf...
262
00:11:37,620 --> 00:11:41,850
.. and his golf... uniform...
outfit thing cost...
263
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:43,450
Get ready for this...
264
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,820
£575!
265
00:11:47,220 --> 00:11:49,050
- No!
- Yeah!
266
00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:51,570
That's almost as much as my car.
267
00:11:52,220 --> 00:11:54,620
How much did your outfit cost?
268
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:56,900
20 quid.
269
00:11:57,540 --> 00:11:58,730
That include the shoes?
270
00:11:58,780 --> 00:12:00,170
Yeah.
271
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,530
Charity shop.
272
00:12:01,580 --> 00:12:03,380
You'd never know.
273
00:12:04,180 --> 00:12:05,690
Oh, look.
274
00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:07,880
Have a look what I found.
275
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,320
Bognor.
276
00:12:12,780 --> 00:12:13,980
Oh...
277
00:12:14,780 --> 00:12:17,530
- Do you remember taking it?
- Yeah!
278
00:12:17,580 --> 00:12:20,980
Well, I was trying to think
why Dave wasn't there.
279
00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:23,570
He'd missed the train, hadn't he?
280
00:12:23,620 --> 00:12:26,410
Yeah, so we made the
journey, just the two of us.
281
00:12:26,460 --> 00:12:29,250
Drinking the beer your dad used to make.
282
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:32,050
And then we got there...
283
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:34,170
got bored waiting for him...
284
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:37,490
then we went for a little
walk together on the beach.
285
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:38,890
God!
286
00:12:38,940 --> 00:12:41,280
I'd forgotten all about that.
287
00:12:43,140 --> 00:12:44,650
Pair of bloody idiots.
288
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,570
Speak for yourself.
289
00:12:47,980 --> 00:12:50,650
And he's going for
tennis lessons on Sundays.
290
00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:51,770
What's that?
291
00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:52,850
Tennis lessons.
292
00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:54,440
Bit of luck.
293
00:12:55,060 --> 00:12:56,970
Mondays and Fridays is yoga.
294
00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:58,010
Yoga.
295
00:12:58,060 --> 00:13:00,290
Why is she telling us this?
296
00:13:00,340 --> 00:13:01,490
I don't know.
297
00:13:01,540 --> 00:13:03,290
Tuesdays, we'll go to the theatre.
298
00:13:03,340 --> 00:13:04,690
He's never seen a play.
299
00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,740
I saw Blood Brothers.
300
00:13:07,260 --> 00:13:09,260
Yes, I know you did.
301
00:13:13,940 --> 00:13:15,410
Are you expecting something?
302
00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:18,660
Yes. We're expecting a
text from a millionaire.
303
00:13:19,620 --> 00:13:20,810
Well?
304
00:13:20,860 --> 00:13:23,330
All together, that's 12 texts from my mum,
305
00:13:23,380 --> 00:13:25,530
and not one of them makes any sense.
306
00:13:25,580 --> 00:13:27,410
Oh, wow.
307
00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:29,650
I gave her my old phone.
308
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:33,000
- How's that going?
- Biggest mistake of my life.
309
00:13:34,460 --> 00:13:36,890
Oh, I got an e-mail from Emiliana...
310
00:13:36,940 --> 00:13:39,890
who wants to hook me up with
some sexy sluts from my area.
311
00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:43,690
- That's nice of her. - Yeah.
Good of her to think of me. - Yeah.
312
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:46,690
I got an e-mail the other day
offering to make my penis bigger.
313
00:13:46,740 --> 00:13:49,810
Oh, great. Yeah, it's about time
you did something about that.
314
00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:52,740
That's really good!
315
00:13:53,940 --> 00:13:55,740
How's Kelly's mum?
316
00:13:56,660 --> 00:14:00,610
She's like, "Oh, my God, Mum,
I've got a job in Sainsbury's!"
317
00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:03,690
I'm such a dumbo! I'm such a knob!
318
00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:05,370
Where you going, Kell?
319
00:14:05,420 --> 00:14:07,690
No, I'm just laughing. It's funny.
320
00:14:07,740 --> 00:14:10,940
I'm going inside to have
a good laugh about it.
321
00:14:11,660 --> 00:14:14,530
Seriously, though, Derek. My
daughter, working in Sainsbury's...
322
00:14:14,580 --> 00:14:15,720
Oh!
323
00:14:18,140 --> 00:14:19,880
See what I mean?
324
00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:22,410
Oh, is that your friend?
325
00:14:22,460 --> 00:14:23,610
Yeah.
326
00:14:23,660 --> 00:14:27,760
You'd better get going. You
don't want to keep them waiting.
327
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:31,970
All right, Michael? I met a millionaire.
328
00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:33,490
Oh, good.
329
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,010
How's it going, love?
330
00:14:35,060 --> 00:14:38,050
Oh, yeah, it's all good. All good.
331
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:39,970
I just thought I'd come inside
332
00:14:40,020 --> 00:14:42,850
and try and clear up a load
of old bits and pieces.
333
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:44,780
Oh, OK. Thanks.
334
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:51,440
Oh.
335
00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:55,140
Oh!
336
00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:58,380
- Sorry.
- Don't worry.
337
00:15:00,940 --> 00:15:02,340
Sorry.
338
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:07,500
- I wasn't really paying attention
when I put it all in. - That's OK.
339
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:15,010
- Lovely set of clubs, wasn't it?
- Oh, yeah, top of the range.
340
00:15:15,060 --> 00:15:16,730
Did he let you have a look at them?
341
00:15:16,780 --> 00:15:18,970
Look at them? I was carrying them.
342
00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:22,810
- No! - Yeah. He was
very gracious, wasn't he?
343
00:15:22,860 --> 00:15:26,250
Oh, he was much more polite than he
needed to be to someone like Derek.
344
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,530
That's nice.
345
00:15:27,580 --> 00:15:29,580
Have you played this?
346
00:15:30,580 --> 00:15:33,970
Derek's just sent our millionaire
friend a text, didn't you?
347
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:36,770
Yeah. It's, er, sort of borderline racist.
348
00:15:36,820 --> 00:15:38,490
- But in a funny way.
- Oh, yeah.
349
00:15:38,540 --> 00:15:40,340
Well, that's good.
350
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:44,810
Where are we going to put that?
351
00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:46,860
Next to the armchair.
352
00:15:49,460 --> 00:15:53,530
Oh, come on. It'll be nice for
me to have something to sit on.
353
00:15:55,340 --> 00:15:56,880
It's like...
354
00:15:58,140 --> 00:16:02,650
Like, I know it's only Sainsbury's
and it's going to be hard.
355
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:05,980
Some mornings I'm going to have
to get up at half past eight.
356
00:16:07,060 --> 00:16:09,330
But I'm getting all excited about it,
357
00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:13,370
about, like, working my way up
to being a Sainsbury's manager
358
00:16:13,420 --> 00:16:17,050
and maybe one day -- I don't
want to get ahead of myself --
359
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:19,770
but, like, maybe becoming the owner?
360
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,730
That's not too much to ask, is it?
361
00:16:23,780 --> 00:16:25,130
No, of course not.
362
00:16:25,180 --> 00:16:29,570
But Jason's like, he
wants me to go Australia
363
00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:32,700
and my mum just makes everything...
364
00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:35,620
I don't know.
365
00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:39,930
I just think it's hard for
me cos my mum's so hilarious.
366
00:16:39,980 --> 00:16:41,530
Yeah.
367
00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:45,340
Whereas Jason's fine, isn't he?
Cos you never say anything funny.
368
00:17:25,260 --> 00:17:26,930
Fucking prick.
369
00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:33,930
It's Deepak. Shit.
370
00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:36,090
Shit, shit, shit, sh...
371
00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:38,090
- Well, answer it!
- What do I say?
372
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,450
Just answer it.
373
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:42,660
For God's sake, Derek, don't keep
him waiting. He's a millionaire.
374
00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:45,800
Hello, Deepak, mate!
375
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,090
Derek.
376
00:17:48,140 --> 00:17:49,410
Derek.
377
00:17:50,460 --> 00:17:53,000
We met today at golf. Derek Evans.
378
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:57,290
The fella with the nine iron.
379
00:17:57,340 --> 00:17:59,210
Yeah!
380
00:17:59,260 --> 00:18:00,810
Uh, well, I, er...
381
00:18:00,860 --> 00:18:03,690
Y-You had your cards in one
of the pockets of your bag,
382
00:18:03,740 --> 00:18:07,040
so I sort of took one so
we could stay in touch.
383
00:18:09,660 --> 00:18:10,770
Oh.
384
00:18:10,820 --> 00:18:12,530
Yeah. No problem.
385
00:18:12,580 --> 00:18:13,730
Tell him who my husband is.
386
00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:16,530
- Tell him about the divorce
settlement! - Well, I...
387
00:18:16,580 --> 00:18:19,250
It wasn't actually racist, Deepak.
388
00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:21,050
Oh, come on!
389
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,770
It was playful.
390
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:25,570
It's only a turban.
391
00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:31,210
No...
392
00:18:31,260 --> 00:18:32,490
Yeah...
393
00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:34,090
I do understand.
394
00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:36,370
I can sort of see, now
you put it like that,
395
00:18:36,420 --> 00:18:38,890
how offensive it would be. Yeah.
396
00:18:41,740 --> 00:18:44,170
OK. Bye, Deepak.
397
00:18:44,220 --> 00:18:46,020
Sorry again, mate.
398
00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:48,060
Bye.
399
00:18:57,580 --> 00:18:59,450
It was nice of him to call.
400
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:02,500
- What's this?
- Michael's going on a date.
401
00:19:03,460 --> 00:19:05,500
- Poor cow!
- Jason!
402
00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:09,410
Well, what does she do?
What does she look like?
403
00:19:09,460 --> 00:19:11,370
Tell me all about her.
404
00:19:11,420 --> 00:19:13,570
Well, her name's Lisa.
405
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,890
She's sort of petite, brunette,
406
00:19:15,940 --> 00:19:18,210
and she's an administrator
for the council.
407
00:19:18,260 --> 00:19:20,330
How many dates you been on?
408
00:19:20,380 --> 00:19:22,980
Well, one last week and...
409
00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:26,170
.. one last night.
410
00:19:26,220 --> 00:19:27,850
And...?
411
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,370
She wanted to go clubbing.
412
00:19:29,420 --> 00:19:32,010
- No!
- It was her idea.
413
00:19:32,060 --> 00:19:35,210
- I bet you looked ridiculous!
- Jason!
414
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:37,370
Didn't get in till three in the morning.
415
00:19:37,420 --> 00:19:41,090
Michael Callum Roberts!
No wonder you look tired!
416
00:19:41,140 --> 00:19:43,610
I'm absolutely bloody knackered!
417
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,450
How old is she?
418
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:48,850
45.
419
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:51,490
- Oh!
- You dirty old sod!
420
00:19:51,540 --> 00:19:53,370
Got a 13-year-old son.
421
00:19:53,420 --> 00:19:56,570
Well, that's going to be
fun, bringing up a teenager.
422
00:19:56,620 --> 00:19:58,930
You're such a funny old man.
423
00:19:58,980 --> 00:20:00,890
Oh, thank you, Jason.
424
00:20:00,940 --> 00:20:03,130
Why didn't you tell me about her?
425
00:20:03,180 --> 00:20:05,650
Well, it's embarrassing, isn't it?
426
00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:08,900
No! Why? I don't care who
you go on dates with.
427
00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:12,700
No, I know you don't.
428
00:20:15,620 --> 00:20:17,250
Sorry...
429
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:20,090
Laughing at you. It's a bit mean.
430
00:20:20,140 --> 00:20:22,610
Um... She sounds really lovely.
431
00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:25,260
She is. She's really sweet. She is.
432
00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:29,370
Well, you'd better get going.
I'll make you even later!
433
00:20:29,420 --> 00:20:31,330
We're going to get on with the garage,
434
00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:34,130
I want to get it all done
before Jason and Kelly go.
435
00:20:34,180 --> 00:20:36,370
I think I'll going to be
doing the shed on my own,
436
00:20:36,420 --> 00:20:39,010
which I was a bit sad about
at first, but then I realised
437
00:20:39,060 --> 00:20:42,810
that I could charge up Dave's
radio and listen to 5 Live.
438
00:20:42,860 --> 00:20:44,690
I mean, that's sad, isn't it?
439
00:20:44,740 --> 00:20:49,010
Me, on my own, in my shed, listening
to 5 Live while you're on a date.
440
00:20:49,060 --> 00:20:51,330
I mean, what's become of me?
441
00:20:52,540 --> 00:20:54,810
Well, it is a bit worrying.
442
00:20:56,260 --> 00:20:57,970
Well, you'd better get going.
443
00:20:58,020 --> 00:21:00,650
See Lisa and leave me to my shed.
444
00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:02,810
I've taken the fridge, Cathy.
445
00:21:02,860 --> 00:21:06,530
Are you going to introduce
me to your fancy man?
446
00:21:06,580 --> 00:21:09,250
That's Michael. He's an
old, old friend of ours.
447
00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:11,330
He was best man at our wedding.
448
00:21:11,380 --> 00:21:12,850
Don't be shy, Cathy.
449
00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:15,770
It must be nice to get a bit at your age.
450
00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:18,690
Hello. Nice to meet you.
451
00:21:18,740 --> 00:21:21,820
And you. I'm just going to...
452
00:21:26,100 --> 00:21:27,500
Hi, Lisa?
453
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:34,490
Hm. Er, sorry, something's
come up with my mum.
454
00:21:34,540 --> 00:21:36,650
You work in a school,
is that right, Cathy?
455
00:21:36,700 --> 00:21:38,450
Yeah, I'm one of the support staff.
456
00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:40,810
So is that like a teacher, but...
457
00:21:40,860 --> 00:21:42,170
- Yeah.
- .. worse?
458
00:21:42,220 --> 00:21:46,100
- Um... - Or not, like,
worse, but... unqualified.
459
00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:50,450
- H&M.
- Nice.
460
00:21:50,500 --> 00:21:53,890
No, I help the teachers and
look after the kids who have
461
00:21:53,940 --> 00:21:56,530
different needs or need
a bit more attention.
462
00:21:56,580 --> 00:21:59,450
No wonder you get on so well with Kelly!
463
00:22:00,580 --> 00:22:03,810
You must be retiring soon.
How old are you now?
464
00:22:03,860 --> 00:22:05,570
Oh, no, I'm only 59.
465
00:22:05,620 --> 00:22:09,140
Aww! Sounds so much younger
than 60, doesn't it?
466
00:22:12,180 --> 00:22:14,170
The thing is, when you
phone a millionaire,
467
00:22:14,220 --> 00:22:16,490
- you expect a bit of
rough and tumble. - Yeah.
468
00:22:16,540 --> 00:22:19,450
And, to be honest, when would Deepak
ever speak to someone like Derek?
469
00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:21,450
- Exactly. - Only if he
was getting his car fixed.
470
00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:23,450
- Yeah.
- Or his drains unblocked.
471
00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:26,090
- Yeah. - Or if he was
at some traffic lights
472
00:22:26,140 --> 00:22:28,170
and they were trying
to wash his windscreen.
473
00:22:28,220 --> 00:22:30,360
Come on, I did that ONCE.
474
00:22:31,820 --> 00:22:34,290
- Is that all right?
- Yeah.
475
00:22:34,340 --> 00:22:37,050
I like apples. I'm like
my mum. She liked apples.
476
00:22:37,100 --> 00:22:39,730
It's great, I love it.
I'm the same with cider.
477
00:22:39,780 --> 00:22:42,250
Get that down me, no-one's safe!
478
00:22:48,380 --> 00:22:50,690
I was going to say, Carol, um...
479
00:22:50,740 --> 00:22:53,010
It's going to be difficult, isn't it,
480
00:22:53,060 --> 00:22:55,090
if Jason and Kelly move to Australia?
481
00:22:55,140 --> 00:22:57,010
Pardon?!
482
00:22:57,060 --> 00:23:00,530
No, I mean, you know, I
know we can't stop them,
483
00:23:00,580 --> 00:23:03,250
but if both our kids are
going to move to Australia,
484
00:23:03,300 --> 00:23:06,090
maybe it's something we
should get together about.
485
00:23:06,140 --> 00:23:07,650
What do you mean?
486
00:23:07,700 --> 00:23:10,300
Oh, sorry, I thought you knew.
487
00:23:11,700 --> 00:23:13,610
Jason's looking for a job there.
488
00:23:13,660 --> 00:23:15,660
No, he's not.
489
00:23:16,780 --> 00:23:21,130
I think Kelly would've mentioned
it to me, Cathy. She's my daughter.
490
00:23:21,180 --> 00:23:24,210
No offence, but I think she
would've talked to me about something
491
00:23:24,260 --> 00:23:27,610
as big as that before she talked
to you about it, you silly old cow.
492
00:23:27,660 --> 00:23:31,360
Well, maybe she's worried
you're going to laugh at her.
493
00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:33,890
What do you mean?
494
00:23:33,940 --> 00:23:36,290
Well, you do laugh at her
quite a lot, don't you?
495
00:23:36,340 --> 00:23:38,250
She finds it funny.
496
00:23:38,300 --> 00:23:40,060
OK...
497
00:23:41,180 --> 00:23:43,890
Maybe she just hasn't got
round to telling you yet.
498
00:23:43,940 --> 00:23:46,850
It's what we do. I take
the piss out of her.
499
00:23:46,900 --> 00:23:48,570
- It's funny.
- Yeah, OK.
500
00:23:48,620 --> 00:23:50,220
Mum!
501
00:23:52,180 --> 00:23:53,850
- Mum!
- Yeah?
502
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:56,970
Is that Jason?
503
00:23:57,020 --> 00:24:00,530
Oh, yes! Isn't he gorgeous?
504
00:24:00,580 --> 00:24:02,740
Reg, look at that.
505
00:24:03,940 --> 00:24:06,010
Ugh! What an ugly baby.
506
00:24:07,340 --> 00:24:09,610
- No! - Grandad! - What's that?!
507
00:24:09,660 --> 00:24:12,060
What was Jason like as a baby?
508
00:24:12,940 --> 00:24:14,530
He was fucking ugly!
509
00:24:14,580 --> 00:24:16,450
Stop swearing!
510
00:24:16,500 --> 00:24:18,170
- Why?
- Because it's not becoming
511
00:24:18,220 --> 00:24:20,690
for a woman to be stood
in the street swearing.
512
00:24:20,740 --> 00:24:23,940
Oh, shut your face, you silly old man!
513
00:24:25,460 --> 00:24:26,690
That's me told.
514
00:24:26,740 --> 00:24:28,690
Oh, no. He was lovely.
515
00:24:28,740 --> 00:24:31,090
Apart from when he used
to bite on my boobs.
516
00:24:31,140 --> 00:24:32,890
Oh, Mum!
517
00:24:32,940 --> 00:24:35,680
He breast-fed until he was 18 months.
518
00:24:36,660 --> 00:24:40,490
Oh, my God! No wonder he
spends so long on mine!
519
00:24:40,540 --> 00:24:42,130
Oh, my! That's enough!
520
00:24:42,180 --> 00:24:44,650
Well, you should see Derek on me.
521
00:24:44,700 --> 00:24:47,100
He's like a wolf on a carcass.
522
00:24:50,140 --> 00:24:52,170
I like the feel of them on my face.
523
00:24:52,220 --> 00:24:54,730
What was Kelly like as a baby?
524
00:24:54,780 --> 00:24:56,570
Oh, my God, I tell you what...
525
00:24:56,620 --> 00:24:59,010
I was a silly, ugly,
little thing, wasn't I?
526
00:24:59,060 --> 00:25:03,570
I was a right idiot.
Dumbo baby, that's me!
527
00:25:03,620 --> 00:25:06,130
Yeah. I was probably the stupidest baby...
528
00:25:06,180 --> 00:25:08,970
- Are you not going?
- No. No, no. She cancelled.
529
00:25:09,020 --> 00:25:11,290
Oh. Sorry. Sorry to hear that.
530
00:25:11,340 --> 00:25:14,370
No, it's all right. Means
I can help out in the shed.
531
00:25:14,420 --> 00:25:18,090
Though I don't want to interrupt
your exciting 5 Live moment.
532
00:25:18,140 --> 00:25:19,690
Don't worry about that!
533
00:25:19,740 --> 00:25:21,930
Ugly little Kelly's sitting there, like,
534
00:25:21,980 --> 00:25:25,490
"I want to work in Sainsbury's."
Is that what it was like, Mum?
535
00:25:25,540 --> 00:25:27,690
Go on. Tell everyone what a knob I was.
536
00:25:27,740 --> 00:25:30,890
No, Kell. You were...
537
00:25:30,940 --> 00:25:34,490
You were the most beautiful,
silly, little thing I'd ever seen.
538
00:25:38,180 --> 00:25:40,010
I've changed now, though, haven't I?
539
00:25:40,060 --> 00:25:41,170
Ugly bitch!
540
00:25:41,220 --> 00:25:43,570
Yeah! Look at the state of me now!
541
00:25:43,620 --> 00:25:45,450
My arse is so big...
542
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:48,020
Come on, Kell. As if.
543
00:25:49,100 --> 00:25:52,180
You're still the most
beautiful thing I've ever seen.
544
00:25:54,460 --> 00:25:57,810
- Are you taking the mickey out of me?
- No, of course I'm not.
545
00:25:57,860 --> 00:25:59,530
You're my Kell.
546
00:26:02,420 --> 00:26:04,850
Oh, my God, Mum, you're
going to make me cry!
547
00:26:04,900 --> 00:26:06,970
Oh, Jesus, don't do that!
548
00:26:07,020 --> 00:26:09,770
- I know! - Don't cry, for
God's sake! You'll never stop!
549
00:26:09,820 --> 00:26:12,130
I don't know what's wrong with me!
550
00:26:12,180 --> 00:26:15,330
Let's all just calm down
and have a cup of tea!
551
00:26:15,380 --> 00:26:18,380
That's if we can work
out which tin it's in!
552
00:26:21,700 --> 00:26:23,890
The label on her tin of tea!
553
00:26:23,940 --> 00:26:26,570
That's such a Cathy thing to do.
554
00:26:26,620 --> 00:26:28,570
Have you seen what she's wearing?
555
00:26:28,620 --> 00:26:32,210
- I know! - Yeah. She dresses
like that all the time!
556
00:26:32,260 --> 00:26:35,010
You should've seen what she
was wearing on her birthday!
557
00:26:35,060 --> 00:26:36,730
All right, Kelly. That's enough.
558
00:26:36,780 --> 00:26:40,530
Oh, no! I don't mean it,
you great big hullabaloo!
559
00:26:40,580 --> 00:26:42,010
- Ow!
- Come here!
560
00:26:42,060 --> 00:26:43,210
Sorry!
561
00:26:43,260 --> 00:26:47,130
♪ I've got my ticket
for the long way round
562
00:26:47,180 --> 00:26:50,250
♪ Two bottle of whiskey for the way
563
00:26:50,300 --> 00:26:52,210
♪ And I sure would like
564
00:26:52,260 --> 00:26:53,850
♪ Some sweet company
565
00:26:53,900 --> 00:26:55,770
♪ And I'm leaving tomorrow
566
00:26:55,820 --> 00:26:57,850
♪ What do you say?
567
00:26:57,900 --> 00:26:59,450
♪ When I'm gone
568
00:26:59,500 --> 00:27:01,690
♪ When I'm gone
569
00:27:01,740 --> 00:27:04,890
♪ You're going to miss me when I'm gone
570
00:27:04,940 --> 00:27:07,130
♪ You're going to miss me by my hair
571
00:27:07,180 --> 00:27:09,210
♪ You're going to miss me everywhere
572
00:27:09,260 --> 00:27:11,340
♪ You're going to miss me when I'm gone. ♪
41392
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