All language subtitles for Love.And.Air.Sex.2013.720p.BluRay.x264.[YTS.AG]

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional) Download
co Corsican
hr Croatian Download
cs Czech Download
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French Download
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian Download
iw Hebrew Download
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian Download
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean Download
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian Download
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal) Download
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian Download
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,059 --> 00:00:12,126 STAN: Do you have a preference here? 2 00:00:12,128 --> 00:00:13,660 Um, I... 3 00:00:13,662 --> 00:00:15,095 I don't, do you? Okay. 4 00:00:16,731 --> 00:00:20,034 Okay, I'm gonna be honest, I just don't know anything. 5 00:00:20,036 --> 00:00:21,702 I know absolutely nothing about wines. Okay. 6 00:00:21,704 --> 00:00:23,103 I'll tell you how I make my decision. Uh-huh? 7 00:00:23,105 --> 00:00:24,772 I go... 8 00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,340 Cheapest? No, the second cheapest. (LAUGHING) 9 00:00:26,342 --> 00:00:28,609 This is a date, okay? I'm trying to... 10 00:00:30,512 --> 00:00:33,414 You know, I'm trying to... So, second cheapest. Right. 11 00:00:33,416 --> 00:00:34,515 - CATHY: Second cheapest. - STAN: Is that cool? 12 00:00:34,517 --> 00:00:36,450 (GIGGLING) What do you, um... 13 00:00:36,452 --> 00:00:37,586 So, what are you doing after this? 14 00:00:39,087 --> 00:00:40,654 STAN: Do you have plans? Do you have another... 15 00:00:40,656 --> 00:00:47,294 - CATHY: I'm free, I'm free. - Oh, good. I'm glad to hear that, because... 16 00:00:47,296 --> 00:00:49,363 I don't know, you seem to be having a good time. I'm having a very good time. 17 00:00:49,365 --> 00:00:50,664 Thanks. Thank you so much. 18 00:00:50,666 --> 00:00:52,099 - Enjoy. - STAN: That's the weird thing 19 00:00:52,101 --> 00:00:53,700 that you like to order. 20 00:00:53,702 --> 00:00:56,837 Yeah, I think you'll love it. It's a liver pate. 21 00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:58,806 Oh, that sounds good. Liver pate. 22 00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:00,741 It was just, I wanted to thank you. 23 00:01:00,743 --> 00:01:02,843 Oh, no, no, no, absolutely. 24 00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,711 Don't mind us. Oh, I'm so sorry, sir. I'm sorry. 25 00:01:04,713 --> 00:01:06,713 I'm so sorry. (GIGGLING) 26 00:01:06,715 --> 00:01:09,149 You don't have to apologize that much, he's gonna be okay. 27 00:01:09,151 --> 00:01:12,486 - STAN: Are you all right? - CATHY: I'm fine, I'm fine. 28 00:01:12,488 --> 00:01:13,988 STAN: What are you, um... 29 00:01:14,522 --> 00:01:15,289 So what do you... (MUSIC PLAYING) 30 00:01:15,291 --> 00:01:18,292 (SIGHING) 31 00:01:18,294 --> 00:01:21,428 I saw a dash of fear. So they take the... 32 00:01:21,430 --> 00:01:23,630 Okay, I get a little... I swear! 33 00:01:23,632 --> 00:01:24,865 (SIGHING) 34 00:01:29,237 --> 00:01:31,605 Oh, God, I actually feel completely comfortable, 35 00:01:31,607 --> 00:01:34,374 it's just... Oh. 36 00:01:40,515 --> 00:01:42,850 (MOANING) 37 00:01:50,492 --> 00:01:51,825 CATHY: I... I can tell you... 38 00:01:52,594 --> 00:01:53,727 (GASPING) 39 00:01:55,630 --> 00:01:56,897 (GRUNTING) STAN: This is what it's like. 40 00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:58,732 This is what you can afford. 41 00:01:58,734 --> 00:02:00,300 What I can afford? Here, I'll clean it up. 42 00:02:09,911 --> 00:02:11,178 (MOANING) 43 00:02:11,779 --> 00:02:13,413 (EXHALING) 44 00:02:21,456 --> 00:02:22,456 (DISTANT MUSIC PLAYING) 45 00:02:38,673 --> 00:02:39,606 (SIGHS) 46 00:02:58,226 --> 00:02:59,359 What is wrong with you, dude? 47 00:05:41,856 --> 00:05:43,856 (WHISPERING) That's really shitty. 48 00:05:44,726 --> 00:05:45,759 No, that's... Nope. 49 00:05:47,028 --> 00:05:48,362 It's already rough. 50 00:05:52,533 --> 00:05:53,667 I not gonna do that, that's crazy. 51 00:06:08,616 --> 00:06:09,683 Are you fucking kidding me? 52 00:06:10,451 --> 00:06:11,752 Fuck. 53 00:06:17,558 --> 00:06:19,793 Fuck it. (LINE RINGING) 54 00:06:19,795 --> 00:06:20,861 WOMAN'S VOICE: You've reached the voice mailbox of... 55 00:06:20,863 --> 00:06:22,629 MAN: My fat dick! 56 00:06:22,631 --> 00:06:24,798 Jeff! What's up, man? It's Stan. 57 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,768 Uh, been a while! Listen... 58 00:06:27,770 --> 00:06:30,003 Guess who's coming to Austin tomorrow? 59 00:06:30,005 --> 00:06:34,441 (LAUGHS) Oh, crazy, last-minute thing, but, I... 60 00:06:35,510 --> 00:06:36,576 I miss you, bud. 61 00:06:38,413 --> 00:06:40,647 So, wondered if you could pick me up at the airport. 62 00:06:40,649 --> 00:06:42,516 I'll text you the details. 63 00:06:42,518 --> 00:06:44,117 Sorry it's out of the blue, but, um... 64 00:06:45,153 --> 00:06:46,086 It'll be good to see you, 65 00:06:47,021 --> 00:06:49,489 and your fat dick! 66 00:07:10,678 --> 00:07:11,711 That's me? 67 00:07:12,213 --> 00:07:13,980 Hey! 68 00:07:13,982 --> 00:07:15,148 What the fuck, Stan? 69 00:07:15,950 --> 00:07:17,017 Hey... 70 00:07:17,685 --> 00:07:18,552 (SILENTLY) 71 00:07:21,189 --> 00:07:22,923 What are you doing here? 72 00:07:22,925 --> 00:07:24,758 I'm in town for the weekend! 73 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,127 The douchebag isn't picking you up, is he? 74 00:07:27,129 --> 00:07:29,729 You mean Jeff? Don't say his name, I just ate. 75 00:07:29,731 --> 00:07:31,231 Okay, what's going on? Are you guys not together? 76 00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:33,467 No, we're not, actually, ever, ever again. 77 00:07:33,469 --> 00:07:34,468 So, what are you doing here? 78 00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:37,604 You're joking, right? What? 79 00:07:37,606 --> 00:07:40,807 Hmm, this is accidental, you showing up in Austin, 80 00:07:40,809 --> 00:07:44,177 this weekend, out of all weekends? What are you talking about? 81 00:07:44,179 --> 00:07:46,046 Are you trying to lie to me right now, Stan? What? 82 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,681 (MUSICAL NOTIFICATION) Shit. 83 00:07:47,683 --> 00:07:48,648 Who's that? 84 00:07:55,523 --> 00:07:58,124 I just... I miss her, Kara. I miss her so bad. 85 00:07:58,126 --> 00:07:59,826 And I just felt like if I... She has made a lot of progress 86 00:07:59,828 --> 00:08:02,028 these past six months, no thanks to you 87 00:08:02,030 --> 00:08:04,965 and your little "second thought, I'm depressed" blues. I am depressed. 88 00:08:04,967 --> 00:08:07,234 I know you are, but you are not gonna call her. You're not gonna text her. 89 00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:10,070 No coming by my house, no El Azteca. 90 00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:11,671 No Dog & Duck. Okay, wait, wait, wait... 91 00:08:11,673 --> 00:08:14,574 Okay, no! No. You are not here. Do you understand me? 92 00:08:14,576 --> 00:08:15,709 She doesn't own Austin. 93 00:08:15,711 --> 00:08:16,710 No, I do. 94 00:08:19,013 --> 00:08:20,514 It really feels like you're taking sides here. 95 00:08:20,516 --> 00:08:22,182 Just get the fuck out of here! 96 00:08:22,184 --> 00:08:23,818 I've gotta get this bitch to buy me some brisket. 97 00:08:26,087 --> 00:08:27,587 Are you gonna leave her alone? 98 00:08:28,222 --> 00:08:29,089 It's a small town. 99 00:08:44,672 --> 00:08:47,007 (MUSICAL HORN BLARING) 100 00:08:47,009 --> 00:08:48,074 JEFF: (OVER LOUDSPEAKER) Stan, I don't know if you can see me, 101 00:08:48,076 --> 00:08:54,114 It says Backdoor Tacos on it, I have my left hand extended. Can you be more specific? 102 00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:58,785 Mmm, I don't see you. Um... It's green, there's some tassels on it. 103 00:08:58,787 --> 00:09:01,555 Uh, I'm sitting in the front seat. Hey, buddy. 104 00:09:01,557 --> 00:09:03,657 Brought the truck? What happened to your car? 105 00:09:03,659 --> 00:09:05,692 Car was repoed, kind of a sensitive subject, please get in. 106 00:09:06,994 --> 00:09:08,728 (HEAVY METAL PLAYING) 107 00:09:12,066 --> 00:09:13,300 (VOLUME LOWERED) 108 00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:16,670 Um, are you okay? 109 00:09:17,104 --> 00:09:18,071 I'm fine. 110 00:09:20,241 --> 00:09:21,241 I like your hair. 111 00:09:22,877 --> 00:09:23,743 I don't. 112 00:09:26,948 --> 00:09:28,882 So, have you seen Jeff at all? 113 00:09:30,051 --> 00:09:30,984 Nope. 114 00:09:31,953 --> 00:09:33,286 Have you guys talked? 115 00:09:34,288 --> 00:09:35,188 Nope. 116 00:09:39,060 --> 00:09:41,194 You know she has a superpower? 117 00:09:41,196 --> 00:09:43,029 Did you know that? She has a superpower. 118 00:09:43,031 --> 00:09:44,164 Oh, yeah? Yeah! 119 00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:46,600 She can make a check turn invisible 120 00:09:46,602 --> 00:09:47,503 when it lands on the table. 121 00:09:48,636 --> 00:09:49,803 I swear to God, man. 122 00:09:49,805 --> 00:09:52,238 One time I sat there for fucking 45 minutes. 123 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:53,907 I was just curious, I just wanted to see what was gonna happen. 124 00:09:53,909 --> 00:09:56,076 She's just sipping her water and chatting. 125 00:09:56,078 --> 00:09:58,979 The waiter comes over and he's like, "Excuse me, I'd like to close out now." 126 00:09:58,981 --> 00:10:01,381 And she's just sipping her water and chatting. 127 00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:02,782 Finally, I pick her fucking thing up and she says, 128 00:10:02,784 --> 00:10:04,184 "Oh, thank you so much, sweetie!" 129 00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:06,219 Like all of a sudden, the check fucking exists. 130 00:10:06,221 --> 00:10:07,187 Fuck that shit! 131 00:10:13,828 --> 00:10:15,228 So, otherwise you've been good? So good, man. 132 00:10:15,230 --> 00:10:17,864 I love being single so much. 133 00:10:17,866 --> 00:10:19,733 What about you? How's New York? 134 00:10:19,735 --> 00:10:21,067 Oh, um... 135 00:10:21,869 --> 00:10:22,769 Fine. 136 00:10:23,671 --> 00:10:24,270 Classes? 137 00:10:25,072 --> 00:10:26,006 Interesting. 138 00:10:26,674 --> 00:10:27,374 Really hard. 139 00:10:28,309 --> 00:10:31,411 Dr. Morgan. So dope! 140 00:10:32,713 --> 00:10:34,681 What? (BOTH LAUGHING) 141 00:10:34,683 --> 00:10:36,383 Yeah, in like six years. 142 00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:38,652 What's up with you, man, huh? 143 00:10:41,155 --> 00:10:42,288 Coochie, coochie-coo! Really? 144 00:10:43,958 --> 00:10:45,825 Any guys that are worth a shit? 145 00:10:45,827 --> 00:10:47,427 Oh, my God, dude, the girls in LA... 146 00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:49,396 Really? Woo! 147 00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:52,198 I'm not really in the state of mind where I think I'd notice. 148 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,134 Well, you have come to Austin, Texas on a good night, 149 00:10:54,136 --> 00:10:56,036 because I've lined something up for this evening 150 00:10:56,038 --> 00:10:58,872 that will have us literally eating pussy. 151 00:10:58,874 --> 00:11:01,675 I don't think you mean... Dude, don't doubt on... 152 00:11:01,677 --> 00:11:02,876 Oh, you'll notice. 153 00:11:03,678 --> 00:11:07,714 Tonight, you'll notice. 154 00:11:07,716 --> 00:11:09,849 What! Get out of my holes! (LAUGHING) 155 00:11:10,284 --> 00:11:11,384 Oh, man. 156 00:11:13,921 --> 00:11:14,854 (DEATH METAL BLARING) 157 00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:27,734 Thanks! 158 00:11:27,736 --> 00:11:30,770 - KARA: No problem. You got it? - Yes. 159 00:11:30,772 --> 00:11:33,406 Okay. Um, what is that? 160 00:11:33,408 --> 00:11:35,709 Oh, yeah. That's Jeff's shit. 161 00:11:35,711 --> 00:11:37,844 I threw it out. And he just left it here? 162 00:11:37,846 --> 00:11:39,846 (SCOFFS) He's too scared to come by. 163 00:11:41,182 --> 00:11:42,048 This is it? 164 00:11:42,783 --> 00:11:43,717 Yep. 165 00:11:44,285 --> 00:11:45,485 Hop out. 166 00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,287 Why? 167 00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:48,388 'Cause my door doesn't work, you have to get out. Still? 168 00:11:48,390 --> 00:11:49,355 Yeah, still. 169 00:11:53,928 --> 00:11:55,028 So, how do you know this guy? 170 00:11:55,396 --> 00:11:56,830 It's Redge. 171 00:11:57,732 --> 00:11:59,132 Who's Redge? 172 00:11:59,134 --> 00:12:00,166 Redge, he's... 173 00:12:01,135 --> 00:12:02,035 He's old-school. 174 00:12:04,038 --> 00:12:05,972 MAN: Yeah, you spread it. 175 00:12:05,974 --> 00:12:09,109 - You spread it and then you fuck it. - JEFF: Hey, hey, hey, hey! 176 00:12:09,111 --> 00:12:11,344 What up? Dude, you gotta see this, dude. 177 00:12:11,346 --> 00:12:12,413 Okay, okay. You have to see this. 178 00:12:13,214 --> 00:12:14,814 Stan, this is Joe. 179 00:12:14,816 --> 00:12:16,015 Yo! Oh, hey, man. 180 00:12:16,017 --> 00:12:16,983 What's up, dude? You live here, too? 181 00:12:16,985 --> 00:12:21,321 Neat. This is Redge, over here. He owns the place. 182 00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:23,490 Hey, what's up... Hollywood! (LAUGHS) 183 00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,425 Hey. 184 00:12:25,427 --> 00:12:27,360 JEFF: I'm gonna sleep on the couch, you're gonna sleep on the floor. 185 00:12:27,362 --> 00:12:29,863 Cool, thanks, man, I appreciate it. 186 00:12:29,865 --> 00:12:31,931 Yeah, man, no problem, just, 187 00:12:31,933 --> 00:12:33,767 the toilet doesn't work so you've gotta pee-pee in the sink 188 00:12:33,769 --> 00:12:35,069 and poo-poo at 7-Eleven. 189 00:12:35,269 --> 00:12:36,102 Fantastic. 190 00:12:37,204 --> 00:12:39,005 Joseph, let's see it. 191 00:12:42,076 --> 00:12:43,209 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 192 00:13:07,568 --> 00:13:08,535 REDGE: Yeah! 193 00:13:11,338 --> 00:13:13,540 She's so fucking wet, look at that! 194 00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:16,276 (GRUNTS) 195 00:13:16,278 --> 00:13:19,913 Fuck, yeah. Now, turn around, make her eat your ass. 196 00:13:19,915 --> 00:13:20,847 Ass-eating time, munch it. 197 00:13:21,448 --> 00:13:22,515 It's time. 198 00:13:23,250 --> 00:13:25,151 Oh, yeah, fuck her. 199 00:13:25,153 --> 00:13:29,189 Ahh! Yeah, that's it, that's it! Ooh! 200 00:13:29,191 --> 00:13:31,524 Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 201 00:13:31,526 --> 00:13:33,226 - REDGE: Yeah. - JEFF: All right, all right. 202 00:13:33,228 --> 00:13:34,928 That was fun. What was that? 203 00:13:34,930 --> 00:13:36,930 JEFF: Oh, he nailed it. It's air sex. 204 00:13:37,431 --> 00:13:39,098 - What is that, air sex? - You don't know what air sex... 205 00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:40,867 I thought you said he was from LA? 206 00:13:40,869 --> 00:13:42,202 - It's kind of a big deal. - Okay. 207 00:13:42,204 --> 00:13:43,970 Focus on me right now, guys. 208 00:13:43,972 --> 00:13:46,406 Does this take place on the astral plane? 209 00:13:47,208 --> 00:13:48,842 Or in a fantasy world? 210 00:13:48,844 --> 00:13:50,443 No, this happens here in real life. 211 00:13:50,445 --> 00:13:52,412 - JEFF: Do the laws of physics apply here? - Absolutely. 212 00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:53,847 Here's what I'm seeing. 213 00:13:53,849 --> 00:13:55,248 Whoa, what are you seeing? I'm seeing you 214 00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,050 laying on the ground being sixty-nined, 215 00:13:57,052 --> 00:13:59,252 and then when you say "Have her eat your ass." 216 00:13:59,254 --> 00:14:01,254 You sit up, she's magically underneath you. 217 00:14:01,256 --> 00:14:03,323 - JEFF: Are you fucking a ghost? - JOE: Let's all slow down. 218 00:14:03,325 --> 00:14:05,959 - JEFF: Is he fucking a ghost? - REDGE: Nobody's done a fucking ghost routine, 219 00:14:05,961 --> 00:14:08,595 that's a good idea, we should do a ghost routine. Listen, okay, that's fine, 220 00:14:08,597 --> 00:14:10,864 but if you're gonna fuck a ghost, we have to introduce in the first act, 221 00:14:10,866 --> 00:14:12,966 not the third act, that you're fucking a ghost. 222 00:14:12,968 --> 00:14:15,501 REDGE: Unless we're doing an M. Night Shyamalama thing... 223 00:14:15,503 --> 00:14:17,303 We are not gonna do an M. Night Shyamalama thing! 224 00:14:19,540 --> 00:14:21,674 Did I tell you how many guys I slept with after our last breakup? 225 00:14:22,042 --> 00:14:23,142 No? 226 00:14:23,978 --> 00:14:24,878 Seven. 227 00:14:25,579 --> 00:14:26,946 Wow! 228 00:14:27,381 --> 00:14:28,448 Yep. 229 00:14:30,551 --> 00:14:31,551 That's kind of a lot, right? 230 00:14:31,553 --> 00:14:34,220 It's... It's not a little. 231 00:14:34,222 --> 00:14:37,023 So you're gonna do that in front of hundreds of people? 232 00:14:37,025 --> 00:14:39,058 Yeah. Okay. That's ridiculous. 233 00:14:39,060 --> 00:14:40,193 Right. You do know that, right? 234 00:14:40,195 --> 00:14:41,561 No, no, I do, I do, I do. 235 00:14:41,563 --> 00:14:43,529 I know that it's ridiculous to win the finals 236 00:14:43,531 --> 00:14:45,632 and get a month of free alcohol. 237 00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:47,267 Horny college girls knowing that we know how to fuck? 238 00:14:47,269 --> 00:14:48,401 It's silly, actually. 239 00:14:48,403 --> 00:14:50,536 Okay, guys, order up! 240 00:14:50,538 --> 00:14:53,106 - Ooh! - REDGE: Backdoor Tacos never die! 241 00:14:53,108 --> 00:14:54,641 They just multiply. 242 00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,976 REDGE: Ah, muchas gracias! 243 00:14:56,978 --> 00:14:59,679 Look, man, can we just go to a regular bar, like the Dog & Duck? 244 00:15:00,648 --> 00:15:03,082 The Dog & Duck suck and fuck? 245 00:15:03,084 --> 00:15:04,651 Fuck that place. 246 00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:06,185 What do you mean, "Fuck that place"? 247 00:15:06,187 --> 00:15:08,588 He lost it in the divorce. Shut the fuck up, Joey. 248 00:15:10,391 --> 00:15:12,392 Just wanted some other dick, you know? Yeah... 249 00:15:12,394 --> 00:15:14,661 Like, I live with Jeff's dick. 250 00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:16,963 It's just so familiar. 251 00:15:16,965 --> 00:15:18,398 I see his pee coming out of it and I'm like, 252 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,166 "Oh, I have sex with that sometimes." 253 00:15:20,168 --> 00:15:22,135 It's like an appliance. 254 00:15:22,137 --> 00:15:24,137 Like a microwave. 255 00:15:24,139 --> 00:15:27,240 Like a tiny little microwave. 256 00:15:27,242 --> 00:15:29,375 It's tiny? 257 00:15:29,377 --> 00:15:31,611 Oh, like the fist of a preemie. Ew. 258 00:15:31,613 --> 00:15:33,646 (MOCKINGLY) Uh, uh, uh, uh. 259 00:15:34,648 --> 00:15:36,282 Stan's is... Is what? 260 00:15:36,717 --> 00:15:38,217 Is huge? 261 00:15:38,219 --> 00:15:40,219 No. Is hairy? 262 00:15:40,221 --> 00:15:42,121 No. Is it all crooked? 263 00:15:42,123 --> 00:15:43,523 What? 264 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,658 Hey, I once had sex with this guy 265 00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:47,994 whose dick was so crooked it looked like a question mark 266 00:15:47,996 --> 00:15:49,095 whenever he got hard. 267 00:15:49,097 --> 00:15:50,330 (BOTH LAUGHING) 268 00:15:50,332 --> 00:15:52,565 Oh! What do you want to know, little lady? 269 00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:53,666 (CHUCKLING) 270 00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:55,535 No, it's... 271 00:15:57,571 --> 00:15:58,571 It's perfect. 272 00:15:58,573 --> 00:16:00,340 No, Cath, 273 00:16:00,342 --> 00:16:02,141 "Was", okay? 274 00:16:02,143 --> 00:16:03,209 You gotta put that dick in the past tense. 275 00:16:03,211 --> 00:16:05,244 No, I know. 276 00:16:06,714 --> 00:16:10,049 Losing the sex stuff and the relationship stuff, 277 00:16:10,051 --> 00:16:11,384 it's been hard. 278 00:16:12,987 --> 00:16:16,456 But losing the friendship's been the worst. 279 00:16:16,458 --> 00:16:19,058 And I could really use a friend up there right now. 280 00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:20,193 Oh, buddy. 281 00:16:22,229 --> 00:16:25,098 Sometimes I just wanna check in with him, you know. 282 00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:26,532 Yeah. 283 00:16:26,534 --> 00:16:28,534 Hear about what he's doing. 284 00:16:28,536 --> 00:16:29,602 Okay, come here. (FUNK MUSIC PLAYING) 285 00:16:29,604 --> 00:16:31,004 Stand here. 286 00:16:32,272 --> 00:16:33,639 No reason to be nervous, okay? 287 00:16:33,641 --> 00:16:35,708 We're gonna do something very, very simple. 288 00:16:35,710 --> 00:16:38,077 It's not even sexual, okay? I just want you to 289 00:16:38,079 --> 00:16:39,112 do a little exercise with me. 290 00:16:40,114 --> 00:16:42,048 Huh? 291 00:16:42,050 --> 00:16:44,283 We're just doing some Tai Chi, that's all this is. 292 00:16:44,285 --> 00:16:46,185 Is this weird? Yeah, this is weird. 293 00:16:46,187 --> 00:16:48,187 Well, that's on you, my friend. 294 00:16:48,189 --> 00:16:50,790 Okay. Now, we're just gonna make a little adjustment. 295 00:16:50,792 --> 00:16:54,093 I just want you to turn your hands inward, like that. 296 00:16:54,095 --> 00:16:56,129 Huh? Now look what happened! 297 00:16:56,131 --> 00:16:57,697 There it is! What's all this, now? 298 00:16:57,699 --> 00:17:00,133 Oh, my gosh, we're having sex with a beautiful woman. 299 00:17:00,135 --> 00:17:02,201 Wow, so beautiful. Yeah, man, just go with that. 300 00:17:02,203 --> 00:17:04,103 Now just elaborate on that. 301 00:17:04,105 --> 00:17:06,439 You can be the best sex guy ever, 302 00:17:06,441 --> 00:17:08,808 - your dick can be 30 feet long. - JOE: Daredevil, man. 303 00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:11,277 Dude, go with that! Aah! Aah! 304 00:17:11,279 --> 00:17:14,047 JOE: Wet her whistle, man. Jingle her bells. 305 00:17:14,049 --> 00:17:16,416 My dick is so big! 306 00:17:16,418 --> 00:17:18,317 This is her face, that's her ass, go. You see that? 307 00:17:18,319 --> 00:17:19,685 Oh, it's good, it's good, you're really good. 308 00:17:19,687 --> 00:17:21,587 Help, get into it, though, like, join me. 309 00:17:21,589 --> 00:17:23,556 'Cause that's her ass and this is her... That's okay, you do this one. 310 00:17:23,558 --> 00:17:26,059 I'll take the next one, you do this one. Ooh! 311 00:17:26,061 --> 00:17:27,293 Come on. Yeah, there it is. 312 00:17:29,296 --> 00:17:31,264 That was her head, I think. No, I've got her head. 313 00:17:31,266 --> 00:17:32,799 You're going in the ass. Okay. 314 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:34,333 Look. Let's try something over here. 315 00:17:34,335 --> 00:17:35,268 Okay. 316 00:17:36,703 --> 00:17:38,805 Oh! You are so fucking pretty, Cathy! 317 00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:40,807 What? No! Yeah! 318 00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:43,309 I'm serious, dude. 319 00:17:43,311 --> 00:17:44,844 This is gonna sell like crazy once I get it on my site. 320 00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:46,779 Of course it will! 321 00:17:46,781 --> 00:17:48,781 It's gorgeous! 322 00:17:48,783 --> 00:17:50,283 (MUSICAL NOTIFICATION) 323 00:17:50,285 --> 00:17:51,350 Oh. 324 00:17:54,221 --> 00:17:55,521 CATHY: Who's that? 325 00:17:56,623 --> 00:17:57,990 Just some loser who won't leave me alone. 326 00:17:59,626 --> 00:18:01,627 All right. 327 00:18:01,629 --> 00:18:03,329 (MUSIC PLAYING) Work it, bitch! 328 00:18:03,331 --> 00:18:04,831 (LAUGHING) (SHUTTER CLICKING) 329 00:18:22,249 --> 00:18:24,283 JEFF: But it's true, though, in Africa they... 330 00:18:24,285 --> 00:18:26,185 There's many cultures, there's a bunch of countries... 331 00:18:26,187 --> 00:18:28,254 Hey. Hey, guys? Why don't we just, like, 332 00:18:28,256 --> 00:18:30,289 hit up a bunch of different bars? 333 00:18:30,291 --> 00:18:32,625 You know, just stop at a bunch of places, get shots at each one, 334 00:18:32,627 --> 00:18:34,760 I'll buy shots. 335 00:18:34,762 --> 00:18:37,230 Stan, I understand if you want to sit out on the bench tonight. 336 00:18:37,232 --> 00:18:38,831 I get that you have body-shame issues, you've got fat knees, 337 00:18:38,833 --> 00:18:41,134 that's not your fault, all right? 338 00:18:41,136 --> 00:18:43,736 But it doesn't mean you can't still bang some strange this evening, buddy. 339 00:18:43,738 --> 00:18:45,404 Okay, yeah. It's been a long time 340 00:18:45,406 --> 00:18:46,706 since you entered the field of battle, 341 00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:48,574 that's true. Uh-huh. 342 00:18:48,576 --> 00:18:49,509 And you're worried about hatching out of your shell 343 00:18:49,511 --> 00:18:50,877 before you're fully incubated. 344 00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:52,545 Nobody likes preemies, they're disgusting. 345 00:18:52,547 --> 00:18:54,614 That's not gonna be an issue, 346 00:18:54,616 --> 00:18:56,516 because I'm gonna give you a couple of arrows to put into your quiver. 347 00:18:56,518 --> 00:18:58,351 That's going to help you to bring down the big game. 348 00:18:58,353 --> 00:19:00,386 Maybe pick one metaphor? Okay. 349 00:19:00,388 --> 00:19:01,821 I'm just assuming that you... Follow me here, Stan. 350 00:19:01,823 --> 00:19:03,890 Girls guard the vagina. 351 00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:04,924 Yeah, they guard it with their life. 352 00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:07,760 Okay? So we have to guard the penis. 353 00:19:07,762 --> 00:19:10,196 Oh, okay. Like a hockey goal, you know? 354 00:19:10,198 --> 00:19:11,631 He doesn't like metaphors. The puck is the vagina. 355 00:19:11,633 --> 00:19:12,365 He doesn't like them, so we're not gonna use metaphors. 356 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,468 Stan? 357 00:19:15,470 --> 00:19:17,870 You've gotta let them know they can't have this. 358 00:19:17,872 --> 00:19:21,374 Because people always want what they can't have. What they can't have... 359 00:19:21,376 --> 00:19:24,710 See? So, you've gotta be an asshole! 360 00:19:24,712 --> 00:19:27,213 Yeah, but not a giant asshole. Right. 361 00:19:27,215 --> 00:19:28,548 You can't be an unfuckable asshole, 362 00:19:28,550 --> 00:19:29,749 you have to be discreet. 363 00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:32,618 You have to say things to women 364 00:19:32,620 --> 00:19:34,754 that appear nice at first... Very discreet. 365 00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:37,356 Right. They appear nice, but really, they're kind of mean. 366 00:19:56,476 --> 00:19:57,944 Do y'all have a tab? Jenkins. 367 00:20:05,686 --> 00:20:09,655 Woo, that is a serious STD sandwich. 368 00:20:09,657 --> 00:20:12,258 Who cares about them, this is our night, right? 369 00:20:12,260 --> 00:20:14,460 Mmm-hmm. Here is to home. 370 00:20:14,462 --> 00:20:16,996 This will always be home, no matter what. 371 00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:19,365 Boom! ATX in the hizzle! 372 00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:21,400 Little bit weird! 373 00:20:21,402 --> 00:20:24,270 (LAUGHING) How's it going, ladies? 374 00:20:24,272 --> 00:20:25,571 Wow, you girls look really pretty. 375 00:20:25,573 --> 00:20:27,607 I'm sorry, are you lost? 376 00:20:27,609 --> 00:20:29,909 (LAUGHING) You're funny, I like your hair. 377 00:20:29,911 --> 00:20:31,577 And your tats. You wanna dance? 378 00:20:31,579 --> 00:20:33,546 Mmm, no. 379 00:20:33,548 --> 00:20:35,514 Oh. Why? Is your boyfriend here? 380 00:20:35,516 --> 00:20:37,250 I don't have a boyfriend. 381 00:20:37,252 --> 00:20:40,019 He's an idiot! (LAUGHING) 382 00:20:40,021 --> 00:20:42,888 Okay, so, for example, um... 383 00:20:42,890 --> 00:20:44,824 You would say something like, "That's a beautiful dress you have on, 384 00:20:44,826 --> 00:20:46,626 "it really makes your ass look small." 385 00:20:46,628 --> 00:20:48,728 Or, like my friend says, "You're a fat ass, 386 00:20:48,730 --> 00:20:51,297 "but you're really not that big." (LAUGHS) 387 00:20:51,299 --> 00:20:52,698 Or, "Hey, is that a beauty mark, 388 00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:54,000 "or do you just have some shit on your face?" 389 00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:55,801 That's really good. 390 00:20:55,803 --> 00:20:58,337 That's really... Can I use that? 391 00:20:58,339 --> 00:21:00,373 Yeah, of course. That's a good line. 392 00:21:01,508 --> 00:21:02,942 Essentially, what we're doing, Stan, 393 00:21:02,944 --> 00:21:04,910 is we're lowering their self-esteem 394 00:21:04,912 --> 00:21:06,312 so that then they look to us for validation 395 00:21:06,314 --> 00:21:08,381 and we can... 396 00:21:08,383 --> 00:21:13,519 you tell girls they're ugly so they'll want to have sex with you. 397 00:21:13,521 --> 00:21:14,453 Yeah. In a nutshell. 398 00:21:15,522 --> 00:21:16,756 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 399 00:21:23,497 --> 00:21:24,363 (PHONE BUZZING) 400 00:21:35,809 --> 00:21:38,344 Oh! Geez, um... Oh, I'm so sorry, are you okay? 401 00:21:38,346 --> 00:21:40,880 Yeah, it's... I... Oh, my goodness, here. 402 00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:42,415 Take that for you. Thank you. 403 00:21:42,417 --> 00:21:43,683 I'm so sorry, can I get you another drink? 404 00:21:43,685 --> 00:21:45,618 Uh, no, that's okay... 405 00:21:45,620 --> 00:21:47,720 I mean, I think you look like you need another drink. 406 00:21:47,722 --> 00:21:49,655 Um... 407 00:21:49,657 --> 00:21:51,857 Here, have some of mine. No, I'm fine. 408 00:21:51,859 --> 00:21:53,859 No, no, no, no roofies in this one. 409 00:21:53,994 --> 00:21:54,894 (FORCED LAUGH) 410 00:21:57,497 --> 00:21:58,597 On that note, I'm gonna leave you. 411 00:21:58,599 --> 00:21:59,598 You know what? 412 00:22:02,803 --> 00:22:04,537 You killed that. Oh. 413 00:22:04,539 --> 00:22:06,405 Excuse me, 414 00:22:06,407 --> 00:22:08,774 two vodka tonics, please. No, actually, I was just about to, um... 415 00:22:10,010 --> 00:22:12,044 To go. Oh, are you? 416 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,815 I wonder if I could possibly make this any more awkward. 417 00:22:15,817 --> 00:22:18,517 No, no, it's not you, it's just... 418 00:22:19,953 --> 00:22:21,454 CATHY: Oh, my God, my friend is... 419 00:22:22,723 --> 00:22:24,357 Oh, humping my brother on the dance floor. 420 00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,726 What? That's your brother? 421 00:22:27,461 --> 00:22:29,795 Unfortunately, yes. 422 00:22:29,797 --> 00:22:33,733 Wow, that just made this way more awkward. 423 00:22:33,735 --> 00:22:36,035 I knew we could do it. Here, cheers. 424 00:22:43,944 --> 00:22:45,878 Who's this? 425 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:47,680 Um... 426 00:22:47,682 --> 00:22:48,848 Give the girl some room. 427 00:22:48,850 --> 00:22:49,849 You got a text. 428 00:22:53,153 --> 00:22:55,688 Oh, fuck. 429 00:22:56,556 --> 00:22:58,057 (FUNK MUSIC PLAYING) 430 00:22:58,059 --> 00:22:59,425 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 431 00:23:07,801 --> 00:23:09,869 Oh, fuck, yeah! 432 00:23:11,037 --> 00:23:12,905 Oh, yeah! 433 00:23:16,042 --> 00:23:17,443 Oh! 434 00:23:23,850 --> 00:23:25,584 JEFF: Oh, we have an asshole! 435 00:23:25,586 --> 00:23:26,886 He's blowing right into an asshole! 436 00:23:27,487 --> 00:23:28,521 Unbelievable! 437 00:23:30,824 --> 00:23:31,857 (CHEERING) 438 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:35,995 Now he's getting another guy to suck the weed out of the ass! 439 00:23:40,734 --> 00:23:42,535 (CROWD CHEERING) 440 00:23:44,137 --> 00:23:46,071 ANNOUNCER: (ON PA) All right. Hey, hey. 441 00:23:46,073 --> 00:23:47,873 Now look, all right, all right, all right. 442 00:23:47,875 --> 00:23:50,576 Now, look. I've shown you what I can do up here. 443 00:23:50,578 --> 00:23:51,644 Huh, huh, huh? 444 00:23:52,979 --> 00:23:55,881 Now it's time for you to show me 445 00:23:55,883 --> 00:23:58,717 what you can do, huh? Come on. 446 00:23:58,719 --> 00:24:00,619 Huh? Oh, come on. 447 00:24:00,621 --> 00:24:01,988 Oh, come on, come on, no, don't sit down. 448 00:24:01,989 --> 00:24:03,590 Dude, you've gotta get up there, it's your time. 449 00:24:03,591 --> 00:24:05,057 You've been practicing, you're the man. 450 00:24:05,059 --> 00:24:06,559 You're the diamond in the rough, you can shine! 451 00:24:06,561 --> 00:24:09,061 The air wants to fuck, 452 00:24:09,063 --> 00:24:11,464 and you must fuck the air. 453 00:24:11,466 --> 00:24:14,066 You must fuck the air. 454 00:24:14,068 --> 00:24:16,836 You must fuck the air. 455 00:24:16,838 --> 00:24:19,104 You must fuck the air! (PHONE VIBRATES) 456 00:24:19,106 --> 00:24:20,973 CROWD: (CHANTING) You must fuck the air! 457 00:24:20,975 --> 00:24:22,741 You must fuck the air! What are you doing? 458 00:24:28,582 --> 00:24:30,683 Okay, so, that's why you came. 459 00:24:33,253 --> 00:24:34,887 I will fuck the air! 460 00:24:34,889 --> 00:24:37,189 (CHEERING) 461 00:24:37,191 --> 00:24:38,691 Now I know why you're here. 462 00:24:39,493 --> 00:24:40,727 I was gonna tell you, dude, I just... 463 00:24:45,232 --> 00:24:47,700 Oh, yeah. 464 00:24:47,702 --> 00:24:49,235 MAN: Fuck the air like a stallion, my friend! 465 00:24:49,237 --> 00:24:50,503 (CROWD CHEERING) 466 00:24:50,505 --> 00:24:52,137 JEFF: Can I say something? 467 00:24:52,139 --> 00:24:54,106 Oh, speak. 468 00:24:54,108 --> 00:24:56,942 Uh, this is gonna go out to my ex-girlfriend 469 00:24:56,944 --> 00:24:59,111 who recently kicked me out of my house. 470 00:24:59,113 --> 00:25:00,579 CROWD: Ooh. Yeah. Yeah. 471 00:25:00,581 --> 00:25:02,014 Hey. Kara Jenkins? 472 00:25:02,016 --> 00:25:03,516 You can't get this dick! 473 00:25:03,518 --> 00:25:06,018 That's what's up! 474 00:25:06,020 --> 00:25:07,586 ANNOUNCER: Put your hands together 475 00:25:07,588 --> 00:25:11,557 for Mr. Fuckasaurus Sex! 476 00:25:17,664 --> 00:25:18,631 (BLUES MUSIC PLAYING) 477 00:25:30,877 --> 00:25:32,645 (HISSING) 478 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:35,714 Yeah. Do it. 479 00:25:41,988 --> 00:25:43,556 (HISSING) 480 00:25:46,693 --> 00:25:48,193 MAN: What you got down there? 481 00:25:49,796 --> 00:25:50,996 (HISSING) 482 00:25:51,631 --> 00:25:53,032 (CROWD CHEERING) 483 00:25:57,737 --> 00:25:58,637 (SPITS) 484 00:26:15,889 --> 00:26:17,356 (SOBBING) I'm such a terrible friend. 485 00:26:17,358 --> 00:26:19,058 No, you're not. 486 00:26:20,093 --> 00:26:22,061 No. Yes, I am. 487 00:26:22,963 --> 00:26:24,897 I am. 488 00:26:24,899 --> 00:26:26,999 Well, maybe today, but not usually. 489 00:26:28,001 --> 00:26:29,768 It's just so hard! 490 00:26:30,670 --> 00:26:32,605 It's so hard, 491 00:26:32,607 --> 00:26:34,773 it's so hard to be friends with both of you, 492 00:26:36,109 --> 00:26:37,776 I love you both so much! 493 00:26:39,613 --> 00:26:42,214 Don't cry, sweet girl. I love you, Cathy. 494 00:26:42,216 --> 00:26:43,916 Oh, Ralphie's here. 495 00:26:43,918 --> 00:26:46,785 That's it, that's it. 496 00:26:46,787 --> 00:26:50,222 Why am I such a bitch sometimes? Oh, no, you're not a bitch. 497 00:26:50,224 --> 00:26:53,325 Mmm, you're sexy. You're so sweet... 498 00:26:53,327 --> 00:26:55,194 What the fuck? What are you doing? 499 00:26:55,196 --> 00:26:56,829 Kissing your tears away. 500 00:26:56,831 --> 00:26:59,898 You think your fish face is gonna make me feel better? 501 00:26:59,900 --> 00:27:00,866 Come on, buddy. 502 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:09,141 So he came all the way to Austin just to see me? 503 00:27:11,778 --> 00:27:14,780 Half creepy, half romantic. 504 00:27:14,782 --> 00:27:15,881 Good old Stan. 505 00:27:18,284 --> 00:27:20,219 I cannot see him tonight. 506 00:27:20,221 --> 00:27:22,354 I'm not ready. 507 00:27:22,356 --> 00:27:23,288 She's just like a young Goldie Hawn. 508 00:27:23,290 --> 00:27:25,024 Okay. 509 00:27:25,026 --> 00:27:27,259 In Wildcats. I mean, I see it. 510 00:27:27,261 --> 00:27:28,994 Just, so hot. The coach, right? 511 00:27:28,996 --> 00:27:31,096 So feisty! 512 00:27:31,098 --> 00:27:31,965 KARA: Do you wanna go home? 513 00:27:33,033 --> 00:27:36,201 No! No, that is not why I came here. 514 00:27:37,771 --> 00:27:39,772 I came here to have fun. 515 00:27:39,774 --> 00:27:41,273 To have a good time. 516 00:27:41,275 --> 00:27:44,810 Word up. 517 00:27:44,812 --> 00:27:46,945 Let's just go someplace he'd never go in a million years. 518 00:27:49,315 --> 00:27:50,716 What about them? 519 00:27:57,457 --> 00:28:00,459 Is it just me, or doesn't he look like that guy 520 00:28:00,461 --> 00:28:01,794 from Midnight Cowboy? 521 00:28:02,862 --> 00:28:04,396 Like Jon Voight. 522 00:28:06,766 --> 00:28:08,000 I love you. 523 00:28:21,081 --> 00:28:22,247 That's a nice ass, huh? 524 00:28:24,050 --> 00:28:25,384 Did you just say "nice ass"? 525 00:28:25,386 --> 00:28:26,852 No. 526 00:28:26,854 --> 00:28:28,287 Really, that wasn't you? 527 00:28:28,289 --> 00:28:31,123 I... No, I would never say that. 528 00:28:31,125 --> 00:28:32,224 Oh, well, thanks. 529 00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,795 Not that you don't have one, I'm just... See, you were! 530 00:28:36,797 --> 00:28:38,430 You were looking at my ass. I wasn't! 531 00:28:39,766 --> 00:28:40,432 (GROANS) 532 00:28:42,402 --> 00:28:43,869 What happened? Dropped my phone down there. 533 00:28:47,774 --> 00:28:49,374 Can you not reach it? 534 00:28:49,376 --> 00:28:52,044 Well, do you see it in my hand? 535 00:28:56,149 --> 00:28:57,416 You don't have to do that. 536 00:28:57,418 --> 00:28:58,784 It's fine. 537 00:29:00,887 --> 00:29:03,122 I've been out here for like, 20 minutes and nobody's offered to help. 538 00:29:03,124 --> 00:29:05,023 Yeah, people suck. They really do. 539 00:29:07,127 --> 00:29:08,360 Nice ass, by the way. 540 00:29:12,065 --> 00:29:13,432 Wait, hold on. Maybe this comes off. 541 00:29:13,434 --> 00:29:15,367 STAN: Uh, I don't know... 542 00:29:15,369 --> 00:29:16,401 WOMAN: Yeah... 543 00:29:17,303 --> 00:29:18,137 Thanks. 544 00:29:20,473 --> 00:29:21,807 Um... 545 00:29:24,310 --> 00:29:27,913 Right. Oh, hold on, you might step on it, so... 546 00:29:27,915 --> 00:29:29,782 Can I use your phone? Can I call it? Yep. 547 00:29:29,784 --> 00:29:30,718 I'll see it light up, and... 548 00:29:31,151 --> 00:29:32,818 Thanks. 549 00:29:32,820 --> 00:29:35,320 (DIALING) 213, LA, really? 550 00:29:35,322 --> 00:29:36,522 Yeah, why? 551 00:29:36,524 --> 00:29:38,490 (PHONE RINGING) (GASPS) Whoa! 552 00:29:39,159 --> 00:29:40,192 Wicked. 553 00:29:41,795 --> 00:29:42,494 STAN: Oh, okay, uh... 554 00:29:44,497 --> 00:29:45,330 Got it! 555 00:29:47,967 --> 00:29:48,867 Oh, yes! 556 00:29:51,337 --> 00:29:52,471 Thanks. 557 00:29:52,473 --> 00:29:53,839 Yeah. Oh, ah... 558 00:29:56,276 --> 00:29:57,309 You got some... 559 00:29:57,311 --> 00:29:58,811 Oh, okay. 560 00:30:00,580 --> 00:30:01,513 What? Nothing. 561 00:30:02,949 --> 00:30:04,249 Well, thank you. Yeah. 562 00:30:04,251 --> 00:30:05,350 You are a good Samaritan. 563 00:30:08,321 --> 00:30:09,454 (GROANS) 564 00:30:09,456 --> 00:30:11,490 Is that yours? 565 00:30:12,192 --> 00:30:14,059 This? 566 00:30:14,061 --> 00:30:16,929 No, I just found it and I thought, it looked pretty cool. 567 00:30:16,931 --> 00:30:19,131 So, you are a musician? 568 00:30:19,133 --> 00:30:23,001 Yeah, I play the cello and I sing. 569 00:30:23,003 --> 00:30:26,205 Cello and vocals! I've never seen anyone do that. That's cool. 570 00:30:26,207 --> 00:30:27,606 Well, if you come to the Ale House tomorrow 571 00:30:27,608 --> 00:30:30,309 you could be the only person in Austin to see it. 572 00:30:30,311 --> 00:30:31,844 I just played a show to a bartender. 573 00:30:31,846 --> 00:30:32,845 Oh, that sucks. 574 00:30:33,479 --> 00:30:35,280 I'd love to come. 575 00:30:35,282 --> 00:30:36,348 Uh, that would be awesome. 576 00:30:37,584 --> 00:30:40,185 Yeah. I, um... 577 00:30:40,187 --> 00:30:41,587 I don't really have a car here, so I'm a little bit... 578 00:30:41,589 --> 00:30:43,522 Oh, don't worry about it. 579 00:30:43,524 --> 00:30:46,925 If you can't make it, totally fine, but call me because 580 00:30:46,927 --> 00:30:48,260 I think I owe you a thank-you drink. 581 00:30:50,296 --> 00:30:52,164 Okay, did you wanna give me your, uh... 582 00:30:53,499 --> 00:30:54,900 213, remember? 583 00:30:56,536 --> 00:30:57,903 Oh, yeah. Yeah, 213. 584 00:31:01,875 --> 00:31:02,441 (PHONE BEEPS) 585 00:31:08,948 --> 00:31:10,182 RALPH: Are you texting your boyfriend? 586 00:31:10,917 --> 00:31:11,984 Mmm-hmm. 587 00:31:11,986 --> 00:31:13,286 Tell him it's over. 588 00:31:13,653 --> 00:31:15,187 Tell him you found a real man. 589 00:31:15,189 --> 00:31:16,021 No, Ralphie. 590 00:31:17,423 --> 00:31:20,225 That right there, that is a real man. 591 00:31:20,227 --> 00:31:23,662 KARA: How you're related to him, I do not know. 592 00:31:23,664 --> 00:31:26,365 Maybe your mom forgot to put in her diaphragm while she was working the donkey show. 593 00:31:26,367 --> 00:31:28,000 (CACKLES) 594 00:31:29,669 --> 00:31:31,470 Yeah, ha-ha, ha-ha. 595 00:31:31,472 --> 00:31:33,338 Go get me another drink, Eeyore. 596 00:31:33,340 --> 00:31:34,206 You got it. 597 00:31:36,209 --> 00:31:37,576 (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) 598 00:31:52,525 --> 00:31:53,525 Whoo! 599 00:31:54,494 --> 00:31:56,128 (LAUGHING) 600 00:32:01,334 --> 00:32:03,335 I can't believe you know how to do that. 601 00:32:03,337 --> 00:32:04,102 Lessons for two years. 602 00:32:05,438 --> 00:32:06,972 Ready for a drink? Oh. 603 00:32:06,974 --> 00:32:07,973 Um, sure. Okay. 604 00:32:18,217 --> 00:32:21,720 So, um, what made you decide to take two-stepping lessons? 605 00:32:25,058 --> 00:32:27,225 Well, not what, who. 606 00:32:28,328 --> 00:32:29,261 Who? 607 00:32:32,699 --> 00:32:34,266 Oh. What? 608 00:32:35,735 --> 00:32:36,535 My ex-wife. 609 00:32:37,603 --> 00:32:38,670 Two Buds, please. Oh! 610 00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:42,274 Okay. 611 00:32:42,276 --> 00:32:44,109 Yeah. 612 00:32:44,111 --> 00:32:45,644 Could've used a little record skipping sound effect right there. 613 00:32:45,646 --> 00:32:47,612 No, no, no, no. Not at all. 614 00:32:47,614 --> 00:32:48,680 Not at all. 615 00:32:48,682 --> 00:32:49,548 Divorce, 616 00:32:54,220 --> 00:32:55,554 In fact, let's change it. What about you? 617 00:32:57,023 --> 00:32:58,523 Um... 618 00:32:58,525 --> 00:33:00,125 What's your favorite color? Purple? 619 00:33:00,127 --> 00:33:03,228 Mine's... Personally, I like tangerine. 620 00:33:03,230 --> 00:33:04,530 Look, uh... I feel like that's my color. 621 00:33:04,664 --> 00:33:06,031 Oh, yeah. 622 00:33:08,101 --> 00:33:09,068 ANNOUNCER: Let's hear it for, 623 00:33:09,302 --> 00:33:10,535 Poke-a-Hot-Ass. 624 00:33:10,537 --> 00:33:11,670 (SHOUTING) 625 00:33:11,672 --> 00:33:13,205 (CROWD BOOING) 626 00:33:16,576 --> 00:33:17,642 - Quiet. - WOMAN: Not cool. 627 00:33:19,045 --> 00:33:19,711 And now, 628 00:33:20,646 --> 00:33:22,581 Fuckasaurus Sex! 629 00:33:23,449 --> 00:33:24,316 (CROWD CHEERING) 630 00:33:29,322 --> 00:33:30,455 CROWD: (CHANTING) Fuckasaurus Sex! 631 00:33:33,526 --> 00:33:37,062 I think we've got ourselves a winner! 632 00:33:39,399 --> 00:33:40,465 So, sorry, honey. 633 00:33:41,334 --> 00:33:42,768 (LAUGHING) 634 00:33:42,770 --> 00:33:44,770 You're going to the finals, man. 635 00:33:44,772 --> 00:33:46,805 How do you feel? How do you feel? 636 00:33:46,807 --> 00:33:48,807 I feel fucking awesome right now. 637 00:33:48,809 --> 00:33:50,108 Redge, did you get that? 638 00:33:50,110 --> 00:33:51,543 Got that shit like Spielberg. 639 00:33:53,279 --> 00:33:54,146 (SHOUTING) 640 00:33:59,285 --> 00:34:01,586 What the fuck even is this? 641 00:34:01,588 --> 00:34:03,355 - RALPH: What? - Nothing. 642 00:34:03,790 --> 00:34:04,623 Let me see? 643 00:34:05,291 --> 00:34:06,525 I wanna see. 644 00:34:06,527 --> 00:34:07,526 Get off my shit. 645 00:34:07,528 --> 00:34:09,528 I wanna know. 646 00:34:09,530 --> 00:34:10,695 I wanna know all your secrets. 647 00:34:10,697 --> 00:34:12,164 Oh, God. 648 00:34:12,166 --> 00:34:13,098 Confess them to me. 649 00:34:14,167 --> 00:34:15,567 Confess them to you? Yeah. 650 00:34:17,203 --> 00:34:18,303 We can cry together 651 00:34:18,838 --> 00:34:20,739 in a field. 652 00:34:20,741 --> 00:34:21,373 Okay. Like... 653 00:34:21,808 --> 00:34:22,707 Okay. 654 00:34:24,477 --> 00:34:26,477 You want to know what turns me on? 655 00:34:27,213 --> 00:34:27,846 Yeah. 656 00:34:28,414 --> 00:34:29,648 Oh, yeah. 657 00:34:29,650 --> 00:34:31,583 Doing bad things in public. 658 00:34:32,318 --> 00:34:34,086 Yeah? Yeah. 659 00:34:34,088 --> 00:34:34,653 Yeah? Yeah. 660 00:34:37,390 --> 00:34:38,356 Take it out. Okay. 661 00:34:38,358 --> 00:34:39,391 What? 662 00:34:39,393 --> 00:34:40,559 Take it out. 663 00:34:42,361 --> 00:34:43,428 I don't know. 664 00:34:43,430 --> 00:34:44,262 Mmm-hmm. 665 00:34:48,634 --> 00:34:51,403 But all these people can see. 666 00:34:51,405 --> 00:34:53,138 I know. It's what gets me so wet. 667 00:34:55,575 --> 00:34:56,475 I don't know. 668 00:34:57,710 --> 00:34:59,678 Come on, Ralphie, show it to me. 669 00:35:02,615 --> 00:35:05,283 Can I get it erect first? 670 00:35:05,285 --> 00:35:07,285 Do you wanna have sex tonight or what? 671 00:35:09,755 --> 00:35:10,489 (PULLING ZIPPER) 672 00:35:12,725 --> 00:35:13,658 Oh! 673 00:35:14,861 --> 00:35:17,295 Hey! No, hey! 674 00:35:17,297 --> 00:35:18,497 Hey! Whoa. Thanks. 675 00:35:23,369 --> 00:35:25,504 That's right! Man of the hour, ladies and gentlemen. 676 00:35:25,506 --> 00:35:27,506 Stan! 677 00:35:27,508 --> 00:35:29,474 Stan, Stan, Stan. What are you doing here? 678 00:35:29,476 --> 00:35:31,543 I thought you'd be balls deep in Cathy by now. 679 00:35:31,545 --> 00:35:32,811 Yeah, that's not gonna happen. 680 00:35:32,813 --> 00:35:35,447 No, it's not gonna happen, is it, Stan? 681 00:35:35,449 --> 00:35:37,249 Although it is a shame that you flew all the way to Texas 682 00:35:37,251 --> 00:35:38,850 to stalk a girl who doesn't even wanna be stalked. 683 00:35:38,852 --> 00:35:40,552 I didn't come here to stalk her. 684 00:35:40,554 --> 00:35:42,487 No? You came here to see me. That's amazing, Stan. 685 00:35:42,489 --> 00:35:43,922 That's awesome. Hi! 686 00:35:43,924 --> 00:35:45,357 Hold this, please. 687 00:35:45,359 --> 00:35:47,392 Hello, ladies. 688 00:35:47,394 --> 00:35:49,661 How you doing? 689 00:35:49,663 --> 00:35:52,631 Hey, I just wanna say I thought that you did absolutely incredible. 690 00:35:52,633 --> 00:35:54,399 Whatever, Dinocock. Fuck off. 691 00:35:54,401 --> 00:35:55,635 Uh. I am not kidding. I'm not kidding. 692 00:35:56,869 --> 00:35:58,937 I'm just on our way out, so... 693 00:35:58,939 --> 00:36:03,909 Oh, well, if we would have had your candy-ass cheerleaders 694 00:36:03,911 --> 00:36:05,510 on our side then maybe we would have. 695 00:36:05,512 --> 00:36:06,878 Okay, can I speak with you for a second? 696 00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:08,480 No, no. 697 00:36:08,482 --> 00:36:10,382 Um, yeah. No, no. 698 00:36:10,384 --> 00:36:11,716 Okay. Seriously? 699 00:36:11,718 --> 00:36:13,251 Hey, nice to meet you. 700 00:36:13,253 --> 00:36:14,519 Nice to meet you. 701 00:36:14,521 --> 00:36:15,687 Yeah, you, too. Yeah. Okay. 702 00:36:18,558 --> 00:36:19,324 How do you do it? 703 00:36:20,893 --> 00:36:22,227 What? How do you do the splits? 704 00:36:23,629 --> 00:36:25,697 Oh! Um... 705 00:36:25,699 --> 00:36:27,199 Drill team. Drill team? 706 00:36:27,201 --> 00:36:28,800 Yeah. Okay. 707 00:36:28,802 --> 00:36:30,435 Can you, um... Can you teach me? 708 00:36:30,970 --> 00:36:31,870 What? 709 00:36:33,272 --> 00:36:34,539 Those teabags are looking at us. 710 00:36:41,714 --> 00:36:42,647 Oh! 711 00:36:43,549 --> 00:36:44,683 It's on, bro. 712 00:36:44,685 --> 00:36:45,619 Oh, hell yeah, it's on, bro. 713 00:36:47,987 --> 00:36:48,954 Is there something on my face? 714 00:36:48,956 --> 00:36:50,455 No. 715 00:36:50,457 --> 00:36:51,790 It's just beautiful. 716 00:36:53,759 --> 00:36:54,659 Oh! 717 00:36:57,296 --> 00:36:59,397 We don't need you all to be doing no pornos in here. 718 00:36:59,399 --> 00:37:01,266 We are so sorry. 719 00:37:01,268 --> 00:37:03,435 He might have had a few too many drinks this evening. 720 00:37:03,437 --> 00:37:05,737 This is a family place. 721 00:37:05,739 --> 00:37:06,905 We completely understand. 722 00:37:11,344 --> 00:37:12,811 Nicely done, guys. 723 00:37:12,813 --> 00:37:15,447 Oh, God. What? Are you serious? Perfect. 724 00:37:15,449 --> 00:37:16,748 Deal's a deal. 725 00:37:16,750 --> 00:37:18,717 Of course, I'm serious. You know, I'm... 726 00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:20,385 Come on, Timmy, you're not the boss of me. 727 00:37:20,387 --> 00:37:21,786 Leave the girl alone. 728 00:37:21,788 --> 00:37:23,288 All right, all right. Let's go home. 729 00:37:23,290 --> 00:37:24,356 All right. Whatever. All right? 730 00:37:24,790 --> 00:37:26,858 Yes. 731 00:37:26,860 --> 00:37:28,560 No, no. No, she said yes. Dude! 732 00:37:28,562 --> 00:37:30,562 All right, out the door. 733 00:37:30,564 --> 00:37:32,530 Ladies, we'll be outside. This is... 734 00:37:32,532 --> 00:37:33,732 Just let me go. I know. 735 00:37:35,935 --> 00:37:39,838 Are you... That little weirdo's dick is fucking enormous. 736 00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:41,640 I don't care if it's six feet long. 737 00:37:41,642 --> 00:37:43,008 You're just gonna leave me here? 738 00:37:43,010 --> 00:37:46,311 I'm leaving you with the "Midnight Cowboy". 739 00:37:46,313 --> 00:37:48,947 And I am taking one for the team. 740 00:37:49,982 --> 00:37:51,683 This isn't college anymore. 741 00:37:52,518 --> 00:37:53,752 Pretend. 742 00:37:54,687 --> 00:37:56,688 You are getting horny. 743 00:37:57,523 --> 00:37:59,457 Very horny. 744 00:38:00,426 --> 00:38:01,926 Have fun. 745 00:38:01,928 --> 00:38:02,961 I will if you will. 746 00:38:04,997 --> 00:38:06,598 Cool, bro. All right, let him go. 747 00:38:08,434 --> 00:38:09,634 Ah! 748 00:38:09,636 --> 00:38:10,935 Hey. 749 00:38:10,937 --> 00:38:14,306 Oh, God. Oh, my... 750 00:38:14,308 --> 00:38:15,740 Bye, Katie. I did this for you. 751 00:38:15,742 --> 00:38:16,741 It's Cathy. 752 00:38:19,945 --> 00:38:20,779 Where are they? 753 00:38:22,615 --> 00:38:24,482 I don't see 'em and they were following us, right? 754 00:38:24,484 --> 00:38:25,617 Jeff, they were following us, yeah? 755 00:38:25,619 --> 00:38:26,418 They will be here. 756 00:38:30,489 --> 00:38:32,324 Stan? Hmm? 757 00:38:32,326 --> 00:38:33,491 What are you doing? 758 00:38:33,493 --> 00:38:34,659 Nothing. 759 00:38:34,661 --> 00:38:36,594 (WHINING) 760 00:38:36,596 --> 00:38:38,496 My name is Stan. I made a mistake and I want you back. 761 00:38:40,766 --> 00:38:42,767 That was an excellent impersonation of me. 762 00:38:42,769 --> 00:38:44,669 That was... It was like looking in a mirror. 763 00:38:45,104 --> 00:38:46,838 Here they come. 764 00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,740 Here they come. Yes. 765 00:38:48,742 --> 00:38:50,343 It's all right. Bring it on, ladies. Bring it in. 766 00:38:50,543 --> 00:38:52,777 REDGE: Come on, right here. 767 00:38:52,779 --> 00:38:54,346 Maybe I wasn't even thinking about her just now, dude. 768 00:38:54,348 --> 00:38:56,348 Maybe I was thinking about another girl. 769 00:38:56,350 --> 00:38:58,049 Like, maybe a girl I met tonight. 770 00:38:59,552 --> 00:39:01,552 I don't know, maybe she gave me her number. 771 00:39:02,054 --> 00:39:03,455 Why are you just telling me this just now? 772 00:39:03,989 --> 00:39:05,757 Well, suddenly you're interested. 773 00:39:05,759 --> 00:39:07,058 Did you tell her that she had shit on her face? 774 00:39:07,060 --> 00:39:08,893 No, she did that to me. 775 00:39:08,895 --> 00:39:11,096 Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? 776 00:39:11,098 --> 00:39:12,697 What are you doing here with your dick in your pants? 777 00:39:12,699 --> 00:39:13,898 You should have your dick in her mouth, buddy. 778 00:39:13,900 --> 00:39:15,066 Come on, this is good. 779 00:39:15,068 --> 00:39:16,501 This is good. 780 00:39:16,503 --> 00:39:17,502 I love this. 781 00:39:17,504 --> 00:39:19,137 Very good. 782 00:39:19,139 --> 00:39:22,507 I will take you... Oh, yes. I will take you. 783 00:39:22,509 --> 00:39:24,442 You wanna do that? Okay, let's do... 784 00:39:24,444 --> 00:39:25,577 Mule train? No, I'm all right. 785 00:39:25,579 --> 00:39:26,778 Okay, okay. Well... No thanks. 786 00:39:26,780 --> 00:39:28,079 (ALL CHATTERING) 787 00:39:31,984 --> 00:39:34,452 Okay. 788 00:39:34,820 --> 00:39:37,021 So, Stan, 789 00:39:37,023 --> 00:39:40,091 there are four guys and three girls and you have a phone number in your pocket. 790 00:39:40,093 --> 00:39:42,127 I think you need to make a phone call. 791 00:39:42,129 --> 00:39:44,263 Now... You got a short window, buddy, you need to lay some track. 792 00:39:44,630 --> 00:39:45,430 I don't... 793 00:39:46,832 --> 00:39:48,066 Hello. Ooh! 794 00:39:54,140 --> 00:39:57,041 I don't... I think I'm just gonna text, dude, right? 795 00:39:57,043 --> 00:39:58,877 Probably texting is better at this stage 'cause, 796 00:40:00,012 --> 00:40:00,845 you know... 797 00:40:02,715 --> 00:40:03,715 Oh, I wish I had her email. 798 00:40:07,720 --> 00:40:08,520 (PHONE BEEPS) 799 00:40:58,003 --> 00:40:58,770 (PHONE BEEPS) 800 00:41:11,517 --> 00:41:12,116 (PHONE BEEPS) 801 00:41:27,132 --> 00:41:27,932 (PHONE BEEPS) 802 00:42:08,674 --> 00:42:10,108 (ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING) 803 00:42:10,110 --> 00:42:12,143 Ooh, I'm sorry. That's been broken for a while. 804 00:42:12,145 --> 00:42:14,012 Oh, yeah. 805 00:42:14,014 --> 00:42:16,081 There's a 7-Eleven I could walk you to to finish your business. 806 00:42:17,082 --> 00:42:17,982 Come here. 807 00:42:19,852 --> 00:42:21,719 I think that something is moving in there. 808 00:42:21,721 --> 00:42:23,155 You should see the bathroom, totally gross. 809 00:42:24,189 --> 00:42:24,989 What's she doing? 810 00:42:25,791 --> 00:42:27,091 Ground. So that's it. 811 00:42:27,093 --> 00:42:27,992 ALL: Whoa! 812 00:42:31,030 --> 00:42:32,630 Whoa! 813 00:42:32,632 --> 00:42:33,331 Dude, you can do it. 814 00:42:33,333 --> 00:42:34,699 Absolutely. 815 00:42:34,701 --> 00:42:37,602 (ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE) 816 00:42:37,604 --> 00:42:38,636 All right. Just need to breathe. 817 00:42:38,638 --> 00:42:40,004 It does not look that hard. 818 00:42:40,006 --> 00:42:41,706 Breathing, that's not gonna be an issue 819 00:42:41,708 --> 00:42:42,907 I've been breathing since I was born. 820 00:42:42,909 --> 00:42:44,842 Look. Already half way. 821 00:42:44,844 --> 00:42:45,977 Half way to finals. 822 00:42:45,979 --> 00:42:46,878 (SCREAMING) 823 00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:48,112 No! 824 00:42:48,114 --> 00:42:48,880 (PHONE BEEPS) 825 00:42:49,949 --> 00:42:51,649 That's final, right there. 826 00:42:51,651 --> 00:42:53,017 That was incredible. 827 00:42:53,752 --> 00:42:54,652 (SCREAMS) 828 00:42:55,087 --> 00:42:56,154 What? 829 00:42:56,156 --> 00:42:57,088 What is that? 830 00:42:57,590 --> 00:42:59,324 (LAUGHS) 831 00:42:59,326 --> 00:43:01,125 My God, that's a hairy python. 832 00:43:01,127 --> 00:43:02,827 No, that's not a python. That's a dick. 833 00:43:12,204 --> 00:43:13,071 (LAUGHS) 834 00:43:13,672 --> 00:43:15,640 Oh, thank God. 835 00:43:17,776 --> 00:43:18,343 (PHONE BEEPS) 836 00:43:35,194 --> 00:43:35,960 So, this is you. 837 00:43:37,262 --> 00:43:38,663 Yeah, this is... This is me. 838 00:43:40,366 --> 00:43:41,199 Good night. 839 00:43:42,868 --> 00:43:44,202 Yes. Yes. 840 00:43:45,337 --> 00:43:46,804 Good night. Yes. 841 00:43:47,940 --> 00:43:48,873 Okay. 842 00:43:52,111 --> 00:43:52,910 All right. 843 00:43:56,281 --> 00:43:58,950 Okay, we're gonna do that one more time. Yes. 844 00:43:58,952 --> 00:44:00,952 Let me go ahead and give you my card. 845 00:44:00,954 --> 00:44:02,754 Cool. Give me a phone call, anytime. 846 00:44:05,758 --> 00:44:07,258 You're a veterinarian? 847 00:44:07,260 --> 00:44:10,762 I am a doctor of small animals. 848 00:44:10,764 --> 00:44:12,064 Don't I look like one? 849 00:44:12,398 --> 00:44:14,232 Oh, you absolutely do. 850 00:44:14,234 --> 00:44:16,067 Yeah. Like, even from that angle? 851 00:44:16,069 --> 00:44:17,669 Oh, especially from that angle. 852 00:44:17,671 --> 00:44:19,103 (STAMMERING) 853 00:44:19,105 --> 00:44:21,406 I'm a... I'm in med school. 854 00:44:21,408 --> 00:44:23,975 No kidding. That's funny. Yeah. 855 00:44:23,977 --> 00:44:25,309 What made you become a vet? That's funny. 856 00:44:25,311 --> 00:44:28,046 I worked with dogs in the Marines. 857 00:44:28,048 --> 00:44:30,281 Yeah. Bomb sniffing dogs, just kinda... 858 00:44:30,283 --> 00:44:31,449 Just like fell into it. 859 00:44:31,451 --> 00:44:34,819 You were in the Marines? 860 00:44:34,821 --> 00:44:36,921 Yeah, yeah. But the dogs started making better conversations 861 00:44:36,923 --> 00:44:39,090 than some of those jarheads I was working with. 862 00:44:39,092 --> 00:44:40,992 Right. So I had to get out of there as fast as I could. 863 00:44:40,994 --> 00:44:43,061 So, that makes you like a... 864 00:44:44,196 --> 00:44:45,730 A vet vet. 865 00:44:46,999 --> 00:44:47,865 Yes. 866 00:44:48,734 --> 00:44:49,367 Yes, it does. 867 00:44:51,170 --> 00:44:52,704 Wow. 868 00:44:52,706 --> 00:44:54,006 I had fun tonight. 869 00:44:54,473 --> 00:44:55,306 Yeah, I did, too. 870 00:44:59,878 --> 00:45:01,378 Well, let's do it again. 871 00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:03,347 Thank you for the dance. 872 00:45:04,049 --> 00:45:04,916 Thank you 873 00:45:05,884 --> 00:45:08,820 for the dance. 874 00:45:08,822 --> 00:45:09,854 REDGE: Oh, come on, I don't hear anything. 875 00:45:09,856 --> 00:45:11,856 Hey, guys. How's it going? 876 00:45:11,858 --> 00:45:13,124 You guys hear anything in there, I don't think they're fucking. 877 00:45:13,126 --> 00:45:14,292 Oh, hey, dude. 878 00:45:14,294 --> 00:45:16,294 Hey, they're not fucking. 879 00:45:16,296 --> 00:45:18,963 I didn't give up my room for you guys not to fuck. 880 00:45:18,965 --> 00:45:20,199 Let's go. It's just really gross here. 881 00:45:20,733 --> 00:45:22,934 It's like so gross. 882 00:45:22,936 --> 00:45:24,202 I can't get the keys because she's got them in there with that creep. 883 00:45:24,204 --> 00:45:25,737 Hey, I got brews here if you wanna... 884 00:45:25,739 --> 00:45:27,371 No, I'm all right. No, no, you have them. 885 00:45:32,177 --> 00:45:33,745 (MUMBLES) 886 00:45:33,747 --> 00:45:34,445 What is it? 887 00:45:40,419 --> 00:45:41,252 Is it real? 888 00:45:42,321 --> 00:45:44,155 Is it from the internet? 889 00:45:44,157 --> 00:45:46,057 I mean, have you seen a penis this big before? 890 00:45:46,059 --> 00:45:47,158 Could you put that away, please? 891 00:45:49,027 --> 00:45:50,194 JOE: Whoa! 892 00:45:50,196 --> 00:45:52,096 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 893 00:45:52,098 --> 00:45:54,098 If you don't get out of the bedroom right now, we're leaving! 894 00:45:55,367 --> 00:45:57,869 Hey, um... 895 00:45:57,871 --> 00:46:00,037 Can I take you to breakfast in the morning? What? 896 00:46:00,039 --> 00:46:01,472 No, I wanna take you to my Saturday place. Please, please, please. 897 00:46:01,474 --> 00:46:06,310 I love talking to you so much so I just want to keep this conversation going on. 898 00:46:06,312 --> 00:46:07,945 Uh. Please? 899 00:46:07,947 --> 00:46:08,980 I'll think about it. Okay. 900 00:46:08,982 --> 00:46:11,516 Do you like migas? 901 00:46:11,518 --> 00:46:12,483 Hey, beautiful, don't knock so hard. Fuck off. 902 00:46:12,485 --> 00:46:14,051 It was... So sorry. 903 00:46:14,053 --> 00:46:15,853 Yeah. Oh, yeah, I bet you're sorry. 904 00:46:15,855 --> 00:46:18,022 I wanna get the fuck out of here. 905 00:46:18,024 --> 00:46:19,423 Hey, honey, I think I see something on your face 906 00:46:19,425 --> 00:46:20,424 Don't touch me! 907 00:46:22,361 --> 00:46:23,361 What the fuck just happened? 908 00:46:25,564 --> 00:46:27,231 I thought I got her wet... 909 00:46:27,233 --> 00:46:29,133 I think she loved you. I was clear on that. 910 00:46:29,135 --> 00:46:30,635 Yeah, that was well played. 911 00:46:35,007 --> 00:46:37,208 Yeah? 912 00:46:37,210 --> 00:46:39,544 Captain fucker, you were only in there for seven minutes. 913 00:46:39,546 --> 00:46:41,112 You're a badass. 914 00:47:10,542 --> 00:47:11,409 (PHONE BEEPS) 915 00:47:15,914 --> 00:47:17,114 Fuck! 916 00:47:20,552 --> 00:47:21,552 Where are you going? 917 00:47:23,288 --> 00:47:24,856 El Azteca. 918 00:47:24,858 --> 00:47:26,157 El Azteca? 919 00:47:27,192 --> 00:47:28,125 You wanna wait for me, man? 920 00:47:33,265 --> 00:47:35,333 Mmm. This is so good. 921 00:47:35,335 --> 00:47:37,034 You cannot find migas like this in New York. 922 00:47:37,436 --> 00:47:38,302 Ugh! 923 00:47:39,571 --> 00:47:40,672 Why did you let me drink so much? 924 00:47:43,976 --> 00:47:45,576 So, what happened with Ralphie? 925 00:47:46,645 --> 00:47:47,545 We tried. 926 00:47:48,280 --> 00:47:49,146 I threw up. 927 00:47:49,915 --> 00:47:50,948 All over his face. 928 00:47:52,618 --> 00:47:54,085 Oh, God, Kara. 929 00:47:54,087 --> 00:47:55,353 And he actually wanted to keep going. 930 00:47:56,221 --> 00:47:57,088 Can you believe that? 931 00:47:58,390 --> 00:48:01,492 Puke all over his face and he's like, 932 00:48:01,494 --> 00:48:02,994 (IN A DEEP VOICE) "I don't mind." 933 00:48:04,897 --> 00:48:06,364 You always get the normal ones. 934 00:48:19,678 --> 00:48:20,511 Okay. 935 00:48:21,380 --> 00:48:23,247 You ready? 936 00:48:23,249 --> 00:48:24,482 For breakfast? Yeah, I'm ready. Yeah. 937 00:48:27,019 --> 00:48:28,286 Okay, yeah. Out. 938 00:48:30,055 --> 00:48:31,089 My door doesn't open. Out. Okay. 939 00:48:31,090 --> 00:48:32,023 Okay. 940 00:48:34,026 --> 00:48:36,360 Speaking of which, did you guys do it? 941 00:48:37,229 --> 00:48:38,562 No. 942 00:48:38,564 --> 00:48:40,097 Why not? Because I'm not... 943 00:48:41,433 --> 00:48:42,266 Like me? 944 00:48:44,069 --> 00:48:45,369 I didn't say that. 945 00:48:47,339 --> 00:48:49,640 Yeah, it's okay. If it wasn't for sluts no one would get laid, right? 946 00:48:49,642 --> 00:48:50,474 (DOOR OPENS) 947 00:48:52,945 --> 00:48:53,978 Oh, no. 948 00:48:56,648 --> 00:48:57,481 CATHY: Oh, no. 949 00:48:59,485 --> 00:49:03,955 I want you to be the better person in this situation. Don't touch my face. 950 00:49:03,957 --> 00:49:05,156 No. What... What situation? 951 00:49:05,158 --> 00:49:05,990 He's here. 952 00:49:07,392 --> 00:49:08,892 He just came through the door. 953 00:49:09,261 --> 00:49:10,294 Oh, shit. 954 00:49:11,430 --> 00:49:12,396 Oh, shit. Be strong. 955 00:49:13,165 --> 00:49:13,731 Is he alone? 956 00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:16,567 Um... 957 00:49:16,569 --> 00:49:18,736 I'm gonna go say hi to a friend over there. Okay. 958 00:49:18,738 --> 00:49:23,107 And I will be right back. 959 00:49:23,109 --> 00:49:25,509 If I turn around and he is with some whore... Just be strong, Kara. 960 00:49:25,511 --> 00:49:28,279 - I swear I'll burn this fucking place to the ground. - CATHY: Okay, breathe. 961 00:49:28,281 --> 00:49:29,080 Breathe. 962 00:49:30,315 --> 00:49:31,482 He's coming over. 963 00:49:31,484 --> 00:49:33,150 Hey! Take the knives. 964 00:49:33,152 --> 00:49:34,485 Put them in your purse. 965 00:49:34,487 --> 00:49:36,020 Oh, my God! 966 00:49:36,022 --> 00:49:38,122 Hey! Whoa! 967 00:49:38,124 --> 00:49:39,724 Jeff! Crazy! 968 00:49:40,726 --> 00:49:41,692 So good to see you. 969 00:49:44,262 --> 00:49:45,062 Hello, Kara. 970 00:49:46,264 --> 00:49:48,499 Oh, well. 971 00:49:48,501 --> 00:49:50,534 Hey there. What a surprise. 972 00:49:50,536 --> 00:49:52,069 Yeah! 973 00:49:52,071 --> 00:49:52,738 How are you? So good. 974 00:49:53,338 --> 00:49:54,672 I'm so good. 975 00:49:54,674 --> 00:49:55,606 Yeah, how you doing? 976 00:49:56,742 --> 00:49:58,609 I'm never been better. 977 00:49:58,611 --> 00:50:00,144 Yeah. 978 00:50:00,146 --> 00:50:02,279 'Cause you look so good. 979 00:50:02,281 --> 00:50:04,582 Thank you. So do you. 980 00:50:04,584 --> 00:50:05,449 Thank you. 981 00:50:07,119 --> 00:50:08,686 Especially in that video last night. 982 00:50:08,688 --> 00:50:11,055 Oh! Yeah, very impressive. 983 00:50:11,057 --> 00:50:12,456 Yes. Well, I'm going to the finals. 984 00:50:13,058 --> 00:50:14,392 Oh! Wow! 985 00:50:14,394 --> 00:50:16,293 I know. Congratulations. 986 00:50:16,295 --> 00:50:18,062 And I see you've taken up photography. 987 00:50:18,064 --> 00:50:19,230 That's great. 988 00:50:19,232 --> 00:50:20,464 Mmm-hmm. Yeah, sure have. 989 00:50:22,067 --> 00:50:24,235 What did you think? 990 00:50:24,237 --> 00:50:26,537 I loved it. Great composition, just really good lighting all around. 991 00:50:26,539 --> 00:50:28,572 It was really nice work. 992 00:50:28,574 --> 00:50:30,708 Although I notice he's not here to buy you breakfast. 993 00:50:30,710 --> 00:50:31,675 That's not too classy. 994 00:50:32,744 --> 00:50:34,512 No, no. 995 00:50:34,514 --> 00:50:36,614 But I think it's really classy that you've bought breakfast 996 00:50:36,616 --> 00:50:38,516 for the little she-whore that you slept with last night. 997 00:50:38,518 --> 00:50:39,383 JEFF: Yeah. 998 00:50:41,053 --> 00:50:42,820 She's the best. 999 00:50:42,822 --> 00:50:44,221 Yeah. You know, she looks really familiar. 1000 00:50:47,492 --> 00:50:48,893 She really looks like someone that I know. 1001 00:50:49,494 --> 00:50:50,528 Yes. 1002 00:50:50,530 --> 00:50:51,796 Oh! 1003 00:50:51,798 --> 00:50:53,297 I know who. Me! 1004 00:50:54,433 --> 00:50:56,801 (ALL LAUGHING) 1005 00:50:56,803 --> 00:50:57,635 Oh, okay. 1006 00:50:58,804 --> 00:51:00,204 JEFF: You're right. 1007 00:51:00,206 --> 00:51:01,105 I mean, it's... 1008 00:51:02,474 --> 00:51:05,376 It's really kinda true. I'm sorry. 1009 00:51:07,112 --> 00:51:08,245 Kinda pathetic, Jeff. 1010 00:51:09,281 --> 00:51:11,182 Kind of Vertigo. 1011 00:51:11,184 --> 00:51:12,585 You gonna dress her up in my clothes, too? 1012 00:51:13,251 --> 00:51:14,751 No, I would never do that. 1013 00:51:15,353 --> 00:51:16,387 I don't even like your clothes. 1014 00:51:17,122 --> 00:51:18,789 So... 1015 00:51:18,791 --> 00:51:20,791 Well, we know my guy didn't look like you. 1016 00:51:21,460 --> 00:51:23,227 At least not downstairs. 1017 00:51:25,564 --> 00:51:27,064 You guys have a good breakfast. 1018 00:51:29,101 --> 00:51:30,401 That was so good. 1019 00:51:30,769 --> 00:51:32,169 I'm so proud of you. 1020 00:51:33,638 --> 00:51:34,772 Oh, fuck. What? 1021 00:51:36,141 --> 00:51:37,374 Ow! 1022 00:51:37,376 --> 00:51:38,776 God, she even looks like me. 1023 00:51:38,778 --> 00:51:39,710 No, she really doesn't. 1024 00:51:40,812 --> 00:51:42,446 Oh, I see. 1025 00:51:42,448 --> 00:51:45,149 Hey, don't go in there. Hey, really don't go inside, please. 1026 00:51:49,121 --> 00:51:51,489 (MOUTHING) I will kill you! 1027 00:51:51,491 --> 00:51:52,890 Do you understand? Oh, my God. 1028 00:51:52,892 --> 00:51:53,824 KARA: I will fuck you up. 1029 00:51:59,531 --> 00:52:01,432 He's gone. He's gone. 1030 00:52:01,434 --> 00:52:02,466 He's gone. He's gone. 1031 00:52:04,269 --> 00:52:06,137 Oh, you got a... 1032 00:52:06,139 --> 00:52:07,639 (EXCLAIMS) You got a chip. 1033 00:52:19,784 --> 00:52:20,551 (SNIFFLING) 1034 00:52:26,358 --> 00:52:27,658 Take your phone out. 1035 00:52:27,759 --> 00:52:29,560 What? 1036 00:52:29,562 --> 00:52:31,562 Take your phone out. Take your phone out. Why? 1037 00:52:34,633 --> 00:52:35,533 Okay. 1038 00:52:37,202 --> 00:52:38,502 (SIGHS) 1039 00:52:38,504 --> 00:52:39,537 Pull up Cathy's number. 1040 00:52:45,544 --> 00:52:46,343 Got it? 1041 00:52:47,946 --> 00:52:48,879 Yeah. 1042 00:52:51,283 --> 00:52:52,583 Delete on three. 1043 00:52:53,251 --> 00:52:53,951 One. 1044 00:52:54,819 --> 00:52:55,753 Two. 1045 00:52:56,655 --> 00:52:57,555 Three. 1046 00:53:09,267 --> 00:53:10,567 (EXHALES DEEPLY) 1047 00:53:15,774 --> 00:53:16,540 You know what, that... 1048 00:53:17,809 --> 00:53:19,243 I think that actually feels good. 1049 00:53:28,853 --> 00:53:29,720 You okay? 1050 00:53:37,229 --> 00:53:38,829 She drinks my cum, man. 1051 00:53:42,467 --> 00:53:43,400 She actually likes it. 1052 00:53:50,775 --> 00:53:53,310 Where am I gonna find somebody who's that cool ever again? 1053 00:53:56,848 --> 00:53:57,715 It's... 1054 00:54:00,952 --> 00:54:02,119 No. Yeah, that's really cool of her. 1055 00:54:03,822 --> 00:54:05,256 (ENGINE STARTS) 1056 00:54:05,258 --> 00:54:06,757 Yep. Okay. We're moving on. 1057 00:54:06,759 --> 00:54:08,826 We're moving on up, like the mother-fucking 1058 00:54:09,494 --> 00:54:10,394 Jeffersons. 1059 00:54:13,465 --> 00:54:14,798 Okay, men. 1060 00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:15,899 REDGE: Yeah, let's get fucked up. 1061 00:54:15,901 --> 00:54:18,402 We are not leaving this apartment 1062 00:54:18,404 --> 00:54:21,505 till we come up with an air sex routine that is so depraved 1063 00:54:21,507 --> 00:54:24,341 and so sick that we will be ashamed to look our own mothers in the eye 1064 00:54:24,343 --> 00:54:27,278 for another year. 1065 00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:29,546 TIM: (ON PHONE) Maybe this is a coincidence, but I was just sitting here thinking, 1066 00:54:29,548 --> 00:54:32,048 "What am I gonna do for dinner tonight?" 1067 00:54:33,485 --> 00:54:35,686 That sounds like fate to me. 1068 00:54:35,688 --> 00:54:39,056 Well, I was probably just gonna microwave this gas station burrito. 1069 00:54:39,058 --> 00:54:41,692 Setting the timer now, but I'm thinking between the two of us, 1070 00:54:41,694 --> 00:54:43,060 we could come up with something better than that, right? 1071 00:54:43,062 --> 00:54:45,462 Right. I'll come by around eight, okay? 1072 00:54:45,464 --> 00:54:46,463 Okay, bye. 1073 00:54:47,999 --> 00:54:49,533 Oh, my God. 1074 00:54:49,535 --> 00:54:51,335 Oh, that voice. 1075 00:54:51,337 --> 00:54:52,703 I may have to wring out my panties. 1076 00:54:52,705 --> 00:54:54,905 Kara, what am I doing? 1077 00:54:54,907 --> 00:54:57,041 What do you mean? You're moving on up, 1078 00:54:57,043 --> 00:54:58,876 like the mother-fucking Jeffersons. 1079 00:54:58,878 --> 00:55:02,546 Okay, guys, you know what we're gonna do tonight? 1080 00:55:02,548 --> 00:55:04,481 What we're gonna do is we're gonna break free. 1081 00:55:04,483 --> 00:55:07,017 We're gonna break free from their petty needling. 1082 00:55:07,019 --> 00:55:09,853 We're gonna break free from their impossibly high expectations, 1083 00:55:09,855 --> 00:55:11,789 and their fucking harassment 1084 00:55:11,791 --> 00:55:13,590 about what lamp is gonna look better in that corner. 1085 00:55:13,592 --> 00:55:15,392 Fuck that corner. 1086 00:55:15,394 --> 00:55:17,661 Fuck that corner. Guys, I really need you on my team 1087 00:55:17,663 --> 00:55:19,096 and I feel great about tonight. Can we do this together? 1088 00:55:19,098 --> 00:55:19,965 - REDGE: Yeah. - JOE: Yeah. 1089 00:55:23,335 --> 00:55:24,835 Stan, am I bothering you? Nope. 1090 00:55:26,371 --> 00:55:27,838 Who are you texting? Nobody. 1091 00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:29,039 Hey! Is it someone with a vagina? 1092 00:55:29,041 --> 00:55:29,807 Nope. Let's do this. 1093 00:55:30,575 --> 00:55:32,810 Let's fuck the air. 1094 00:55:32,812 --> 00:55:34,845 Yeah, you must fuck the air. 1095 00:55:34,847 --> 00:55:36,647 ALL: You must fuck the air! 1096 00:55:36,649 --> 00:55:37,815 ALL: You must fuck the air! 1097 00:55:39,484 --> 00:55:41,685 You are a miracle worker. 1098 00:55:41,687 --> 00:55:43,053 Mmm-hmm. I've got boobs. 1099 00:55:45,690 --> 00:55:47,691 Normally, it's just like two 1100 00:55:47,693 --> 00:55:48,992 sensitive freckles. 1101 00:55:50,495 --> 00:55:51,428 (BELL RINGS) Ooh! I'll get it. 1102 00:55:51,430 --> 00:55:52,529 Help! Help! Oh, what? 1103 00:55:53,365 --> 00:55:55,532 Now, listen, okay. 1104 00:55:55,534 --> 00:55:57,034 Be careful. Careful? 1105 00:55:57,036 --> 00:55:59,403 Yeah, if his dick is as big as his brother's, 1106 00:55:59,405 --> 00:56:00,838 you will be coming home in a hospital gurney. 1107 00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:02,473 Oh, that sounds fun. 1108 00:56:02,475 --> 00:56:05,576 Okay, I put condoms in your bag. Kara! 1109 00:56:05,578 --> 00:56:07,544 What? Don't be afraid to say yes. 1110 00:56:07,546 --> 00:56:09,480 No, no. I'm going home tomorrow. 1111 00:56:09,482 --> 00:56:11,415 I can't leave you alone tonight. 1112 00:56:11,417 --> 00:56:12,917 Who says I'm gonna be alone? 1113 00:56:13,017 --> 00:56:15,052 Not Ralphie? 1114 00:56:15,054 --> 00:56:17,054 KARA: No, barf-boy, are you fucking kidding me? 1115 00:56:17,056 --> 00:56:19,757 - Hello. Welcome. - TIM: Hello. Thank you. 1116 00:56:19,759 --> 00:56:22,726 Come in. Come in. O-M-G. 1117 00:56:22,728 --> 00:56:25,863 Hi. How you doing? He brought flowers. Are you from this century? 1118 00:56:25,865 --> 00:56:27,831 You totally didn't need to do this. 1119 00:56:29,101 --> 00:56:32,870 See, I did bring flowers, but they're not for you, they're for you. 1120 00:56:32,872 --> 00:56:34,438 I'm sorry. I would have got you flowers, but I didn't. 1121 00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:35,038 Oh, um... 1122 00:56:35,974 --> 00:56:37,141 (CATHY LAUGHS) 1123 00:56:38,943 --> 00:56:40,778 It's not funny. No, it is. 1124 00:56:40,780 --> 00:56:43,147 Yeah. He had a moment the other night, 1125 00:56:43,149 --> 00:56:44,183 but he's a real sweet guy. What? 1126 00:56:44,682 --> 00:56:45,983 Right. 1127 00:56:45,985 --> 00:56:47,050 Okay! Bye. 1128 00:56:47,052 --> 00:56:48,619 Bye-bye. 1129 00:56:48,621 --> 00:56:49,520 All right. All right. You ready to go? 1130 00:56:49,522 --> 00:56:50,754 Bye, Kara. 1131 00:56:50,756 --> 00:56:51,855 Be safe. 1132 00:56:53,892 --> 00:56:54,792 Yes. Yes. We will. We will. 1133 00:56:55,794 --> 00:56:56,460 Good night. Goodbye. 1134 00:56:59,130 --> 00:57:00,063 Ugh! 1135 00:57:04,169 --> 00:57:05,569 So, the Marines... 1136 00:57:05,571 --> 00:57:07,104 That's... 1137 00:57:07,106 --> 00:57:07,805 Yeah. Yeah. 1138 00:57:12,143 --> 00:57:13,444 So, um... 1139 00:57:14,512 --> 00:57:15,946 Did you ever... 1140 00:57:15,948 --> 00:57:18,215 Go to war, shoot someone, get stabbed? 1141 00:57:18,217 --> 00:57:20,217 Oh, does everybody ask you that? 1142 00:57:20,219 --> 00:57:21,452 All the time. Yeah. 1143 00:57:21,454 --> 00:57:22,486 So sorry. 1144 00:57:23,455 --> 00:57:24,154 You should be. 1145 00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:29,760 So, did you? 1146 00:57:29,762 --> 00:57:30,829 You didn't notice my wooden leg? 1147 00:57:34,165 --> 00:57:35,899 No, I took some shrapnel 1148 00:57:37,469 --> 00:57:39,636 to the shoulder. 1149 00:57:39,638 --> 00:57:42,206 Wall exploded and piece of pipe lodged in there. 1150 00:57:42,974 --> 00:57:44,041 Had to cut it out. 1151 00:57:44,043 --> 00:57:45,642 Oh, my God! 1152 00:57:45,644 --> 00:57:46,477 Yeah. 1153 00:57:47,645 --> 00:57:48,779 It sounds worse than it was but... 1154 00:57:55,253 --> 00:57:56,019 Can I see it? 1155 00:57:59,958 --> 00:58:01,124 Like, now? 1156 00:58:01,126 --> 00:58:02,759 Yeah. 1157 00:58:02,761 --> 00:58:04,061 Seriously? Absolutely. 1158 00:58:05,063 --> 00:58:05,896 I... We were, um... 1159 00:58:06,731 --> 00:58:07,564 We're studying 1160 00:58:08,766 --> 00:58:11,068 wound care in class right now 1161 00:58:11,070 --> 00:58:13,704 and it would be highly, highly educational. 1162 00:58:16,140 --> 00:58:17,207 I think they're gonna let us in. 1163 00:58:17,209 --> 00:58:19,610 Okay, people. 1164 00:58:19,612 --> 00:58:22,646 The air sex finals are beyond sold out. 1165 00:58:22,648 --> 00:58:24,515 (ALL CHEERING) 1166 00:58:27,151 --> 00:58:29,086 So, 1167 00:58:29,088 --> 00:58:31,922 we're gonna seat the finalists and their guests first. 1168 00:58:31,924 --> 00:58:33,557 So, when I call your name you can go on in. 1169 00:58:34,826 --> 00:58:36,994 Uh, Hugh G. Rection. 1170 00:58:38,897 --> 00:58:39,696 (PHONE BEEPS) 1171 00:58:43,902 --> 00:58:45,269 WOMAN: Pussy Juice Cocktail. 1172 00:58:45,271 --> 00:58:47,037 (HOWLING) 1173 00:58:50,074 --> 00:58:52,242 REDGE: I'm a little worried 'cause they've got vaginas, 1174 00:58:52,244 --> 00:58:53,076 and that always gives you the upper hand. 1175 00:58:53,078 --> 00:58:54,278 Nazi Assfucker. 1176 00:58:57,615 --> 00:59:00,784 You know that girl I met here, uh, 1177 00:59:00,786 --> 00:59:03,020 she's playing a show nearby. She's been texting me. 1178 00:59:03,022 --> 00:59:04,054 - WOMAN: Fuckasaurus Rex! - So? 1179 00:59:04,056 --> 00:59:05,255 Fuckasaurus Sex! 1180 00:59:06,090 --> 00:59:07,224 Okay, whatever. Go. 1181 00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:10,761 Insane Clown Pussy. 1182 00:59:10,763 --> 00:59:13,096 (CHEERING) 1183 00:59:13,098 --> 00:59:15,098 So, you're gonna bail on me again. 1184 00:59:15,333 --> 00:59:17,067 Look, I'm not bailing on you... Yeah, you are. 1185 00:59:17,069 --> 00:59:19,002 WOMAN: Donni Darkhole. 1186 00:59:19,004 --> 00:59:20,737 I'm going to hang out with a girl. 1187 00:59:20,739 --> 00:59:23,073 Isn't that what you want me to do 1188 00:59:23,075 --> 00:59:25,576 this weekend, right? Isn't that the whole... 1189 00:59:25,578 --> 00:59:27,110 Yeah. You really need me here for this? 1190 00:59:27,112 --> 00:59:30,013 You're right. Go, go. Yeah. 1191 00:59:30,015 --> 00:59:32,916 Fuck her in the butt. Okay, so you're going to hold this against me, really? 1192 00:59:32,918 --> 00:59:33,918 Why is it so important to you? 1193 00:59:33,919 --> 00:59:37,888 Yeah, because everything in my life is going so incredibly right now, dude. 1194 00:59:37,890 --> 00:59:39,623 I'm fucking sleeping on a couch 1195 00:59:39,625 --> 00:59:41,358 and driving around in a corpse. 1196 00:59:41,360 --> 00:59:44,661 I'm sorry I'm not in Beverly Hills making my dreams come true. 1197 00:59:44,663 --> 00:59:47,864 Making my... Right. I'm fucking working at a pizza parlor in Pasadena. 1198 00:59:47,866 --> 00:59:49,266 So, then you went out there for no reason. That's... 1199 00:59:49,268 --> 00:59:51,301 I moved, dude. 1200 00:59:51,303 --> 00:59:53,303 I don't know why you're taking it so personally. 1201 00:59:53,305 --> 00:59:56,206 Because ever since you broke up with Cathy, 1202 00:59:56,208 --> 00:59:58,609 you broke us all up. Things have never been the same between me and Kara... 1203 00:59:58,611 --> 01:00:00,611 That's my fault? ...since you left. 1204 01:00:01,980 --> 01:00:04,348 Dude, I'm responsible for my own fucked up relationships, not yours. 1205 01:00:04,350 --> 01:00:05,849 Right, okay. 1206 01:00:05,851 --> 01:00:08,385 What about your fucked up friendships? 1207 01:00:08,387 --> 01:00:10,887 You know, and another... If this is all, like weird for you, it makes... 1208 01:00:10,889 --> 01:00:13,256 You know, you don't approve of this, you can ignore me. 1209 01:00:13,258 --> 01:00:15,258 'Cause you're fucking awesome at it. 1210 01:00:17,895 --> 01:00:21,064 Take the booty call, Stan. Kara? 1211 01:00:21,066 --> 01:00:22,733 What... What is this? What are you doing here? 1212 01:00:23,668 --> 01:00:24,935 Go to the show, Stan. 1213 01:00:26,104 --> 01:00:27,004 Where's Cathy? 1214 01:00:27,839 --> 01:00:28,705 She's out. 1215 01:00:30,842 --> 01:00:32,842 What do you mean? Like with somebody? 1216 01:00:32,844 --> 01:00:33,910 She's moving on, Stan. 1217 01:00:35,780 --> 01:00:37,780 All right? You should go and do the same thing. 1218 01:00:38,916 --> 01:00:39,816 But... 1219 01:00:54,799 --> 01:00:55,699 Oh, shit. 1220 01:01:03,041 --> 01:01:04,908 Okay. I know this. 1221 01:01:04,910 --> 01:01:06,210 (BEEPING) 512... 1222 01:01:07,145 --> 01:01:08,045 7... 1223 01:01:11,082 --> 01:01:11,982 Fuck! 1224 01:01:12,784 --> 01:01:13,717 (SCOFFS) 1225 01:01:15,319 --> 01:01:16,253 So... 1226 01:01:18,356 --> 01:01:20,323 Gonna have to unbutton my shirt, doctor. 1227 01:01:24,095 --> 01:01:26,129 Oh, no. (CHUCKLING) 1228 01:01:27,065 --> 01:01:27,864 (UNLATCHING SEATBELT) 1229 01:01:29,867 --> 01:01:31,134 (CLEARS THROAT) 1230 01:01:37,709 --> 01:01:39,743 All right, there you, there you go. 1231 01:01:41,179 --> 01:01:42,212 Oh! 1232 01:01:44,215 --> 01:01:45,782 May I? 1233 01:01:45,784 --> 01:01:46,450 You're the doctor. 1234 01:01:52,156 --> 01:01:53,390 Very nice. Hmm. 1235 01:01:55,226 --> 01:01:56,093 Very nice. 1236 01:02:01,399 --> 01:02:03,934 You know, I have a pretty good one myself. 1237 01:02:03,936 --> 01:02:05,537 You're damn well gonna show it to me. (CHUCKLING) 1238 01:02:06,370 --> 01:02:08,872 Now, I'm gonna have to 1239 01:02:08,874 --> 01:02:11,441 lift up my skirt. No. 1240 01:02:11,443 --> 01:02:12,509 Yeah. Don't you dare. 1241 01:02:13,911 --> 01:02:16,046 Don't you... (INHALES) Lift up... 1242 01:02:16,914 --> 01:02:18,281 Okay, okay. 1243 01:02:21,085 --> 01:02:23,453 That is... 1244 01:02:23,455 --> 01:02:25,088 A beauty. (STUTTERING) That's... 1245 01:02:25,857 --> 01:02:27,290 Yeah. 1246 01:02:27,292 --> 01:02:28,358 Softball. Hmm. 1247 01:02:28,360 --> 01:02:30,761 Junior year. 1248 01:02:30,763 --> 01:02:33,530 I bumped into the ball machine while it was spinning 1249 01:02:33,532 --> 01:02:36,533 and... (GROANING) 1250 01:02:36,535 --> 01:02:38,101 Damn, girl! Hmm. Yeah. 1251 01:02:38,836 --> 01:02:39,770 Um... 1252 01:02:44,242 --> 01:02:45,843 Uh, looks like it healed up pretty good, though. 1253 01:02:52,450 --> 01:02:54,851 (CHUCKLING) (SNORTING) 1254 01:02:56,521 --> 01:02:58,188 (CROWD CHEERING) 1255 01:02:58,190 --> 01:02:59,956 ANNOUNCER: Yeah! Now. 1256 01:02:59,958 --> 01:03:01,792 Who's next? Let's see who's next here. 1257 01:03:01,794 --> 01:03:03,393 We got... 1258 01:03:03,395 --> 01:03:06,029 Fuckasaurus Sex! (CROWD CHEERING) 1259 01:03:08,232 --> 01:03:11,001 ANNOUNCER: Welcome back, young man. Welcome back. 1260 01:03:11,003 --> 01:03:13,336 You got anything to say before you get started, Sex? 1261 01:03:13,338 --> 01:03:16,473 I do, yeah. Uh, this one is also dedicated to my ex-girlfriend, 1262 01:03:16,475 --> 01:03:19,009 uh, Kara, who's a bitch. 1263 01:03:19,011 --> 01:03:21,278 And this is about fucking her pussy, or as I like to call it, 1264 01:03:21,280 --> 01:03:22,913 "Visiting Carlsbad camp." 1265 01:03:22,915 --> 01:03:25,015 ANNOUNCER: Ho! Let's go! 1266 01:03:25,017 --> 01:03:27,317 (CROWD CHEERING) 1267 01:03:27,319 --> 01:03:28,385 (CELLO PLAYING) Hello! 1268 01:03:31,556 --> 01:03:32,489 (KISSING NOISES) 1269 01:03:45,469 --> 01:03:48,071 (CROWD CHEERING) 1270 01:03:48,073 --> 01:03:51,074 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 1271 01:03:51,076 --> 01:03:52,576 MAN: Biggest pussy in the world! 1272 01:03:59,116 --> 01:04:00,217 Paintings on the wall. 1273 01:04:02,053 --> 01:04:03,353 How deep is it in there? 1274 01:04:05,256 --> 01:04:06,923 (GRUNTING) 1275 01:04:10,328 --> 01:04:11,862 (CROWD CHEERING) 1276 01:04:12,930 --> 01:04:13,897 JEFF: I'm in a horrible place! 1277 01:04:13,899 --> 01:04:14,598 (PHONE PINGING) 1278 01:04:17,635 --> 01:04:19,502 - WOMAN: Are you? - STAN: Oh, shit. 1279 01:04:19,504 --> 01:04:21,404 Are you gonna go up? Uh, no, I'm just making a phone call. 1280 01:04:23,174 --> 01:04:25,508 Can you make it outside so that we could... Yeah, yeah. 1281 01:04:25,510 --> 01:04:26,309 Thanks. 1282 01:04:37,622 --> 01:04:38,521 Justine's? 1283 01:04:40,391 --> 01:04:41,491 Yeah, have you been here before? 1284 01:04:42,326 --> 01:04:44,261 Uh, yeah. 1285 01:04:44,263 --> 01:04:46,663 Uh, a long time ago. 1286 01:04:46,665 --> 01:04:47,599 It's pretty great, isn't it? 1287 01:04:48,532 --> 01:04:49,399 Yeah. 1288 01:05:04,015 --> 01:05:06,349 (HALEY SINGING) ♪ Oh, I know I've been a menace 1289 01:05:07,985 --> 01:05:13,623 ♪ Oh, I know I've been a trial 1290 01:05:13,625 --> 01:05:16,259 ♪ And you've washed your hands of love 1291 01:05:19,964 --> 01:05:24,067 ♪ But I made a Bible promise 1292 01:05:24,069 --> 01:05:27,103 ♪ Cross my heart and hope to die 1293 01:05:29,040 --> 01:05:31,174 ♪ Till all is blue 1294 01:05:31,176 --> 01:05:33,543 ♪ I'll be here waiting, honey 1295 01:05:34,478 --> 01:05:37,414 What will it be, stumbles? 1296 01:05:37,416 --> 01:05:39,649 Uh, just a water. All right. 1297 01:05:42,353 --> 01:05:44,054 ♪ So come on 1298 01:05:44,722 --> 01:05:46,690 ♪ Answer 1299 01:05:46,692 --> 01:05:50,060 ♪ Why don't you answer? Answer 1300 01:05:51,395 --> 01:05:53,229 ♪ There's a summer on 1301 01:05:55,967 --> 01:05:59,569 ♪ And it's pulling up the wallpaper 1302 01:06:01,005 --> 01:06:03,540 ♪ With its wicked drone 1303 01:06:07,411 --> 01:06:09,446 ♪ And I could sit here with 1304 01:06:11,182 --> 01:06:14,551 ♪ With just a sliver of your taffeta 1305 01:06:16,253 --> 01:06:18,621 ♪ But that is not enough 1306 01:06:21,459 --> 01:06:23,159 ♪ Oh 1307 01:06:24,528 --> 01:06:27,731 ♪ I'm screaming at your door 1308 01:06:29,233 --> 01:06:31,001 ♪ So come on 1309 01:06:31,502 --> 01:06:33,303 ♪ Answer 1310 01:06:33,305 --> 01:06:36,606 ♪ Why don't you answer? Answer 1311 01:06:36,608 --> 01:06:40,010 ♪ Oh, my love 1312 01:06:40,012 --> 01:06:43,046 ♪ I will forever, oh 1313 01:06:44,115 --> 01:06:46,383 ♪ So little 1314 01:06:46,385 --> 01:06:48,551 ♪ Withholder 1315 01:06:48,553 --> 01:06:51,454 ♪ Why don't you answer? Answer ♪ 1316 01:06:52,123 --> 01:06:53,323 Thank you. 1317 01:06:55,059 --> 01:06:57,327 This, 1318 01:06:57,329 --> 01:07:00,497 you don't wanna know what this stuff is made out of, I assure you, but... 1319 01:07:00,499 --> 01:07:02,766 You know, can you actually give me one quick second? 1320 01:07:02,768 --> 01:07:03,700 - TIM: Of course. - Okay. 1321 01:07:16,647 --> 01:07:18,181 STAN: Oh, you were fucking incredible! 1322 01:07:18,183 --> 01:07:19,817 Like, I don't even know how to put it into words. 1323 01:07:19,818 --> 01:07:22,419 I would need so many different adjectives. 1324 01:07:22,421 --> 01:07:25,388 I would need a whole new combo adjective. 1325 01:07:25,390 --> 01:07:27,690 Like you're fantasi-spectacul-awesome? 1326 01:07:27,692 --> 01:07:30,393 That comes close. That was good. (GIGGLING) 1327 01:07:30,395 --> 01:07:31,729 Well, it's very nice of you to say that. 1328 01:07:31,730 --> 01:07:35,732 Oh, yeah, of course. I don't wanna lose my good Samaritan status. 1329 01:07:36,834 --> 01:07:37,767 Very sweet of you. 1330 01:07:39,437 --> 01:07:41,304 Hey, do you wanna smoke? 1331 01:07:41,306 --> 01:07:42,772 Oh, uh, no, no, I'm fine. 1332 01:07:42,774 --> 01:07:44,307 Okay. But go ahead. 1333 01:07:44,309 --> 01:07:46,209 Yeah? Yeah, yeah. No, I like the smell. 1334 01:07:46,211 --> 01:07:47,243 I'll be your look out. (GIGGLING) 1335 01:07:47,245 --> 01:07:48,745 Thank you. 1336 01:07:48,747 --> 01:07:50,413 I think everyone else on this street is stoned, 1337 01:07:50,415 --> 01:07:51,514 so you're in good company. 1338 01:08:09,700 --> 01:08:11,601 (CELL PHONE RINGING) Sorry. 1339 01:08:14,305 --> 01:08:15,472 HALEY: Go ahead, take it. 1340 01:08:15,474 --> 01:08:16,673 Oh, no, no. That's okay. 1341 01:08:19,510 --> 01:08:20,410 You sure? Yeah. 1342 01:08:22,179 --> 01:08:22,846 Okay. 1343 01:08:25,516 --> 01:08:27,150 Actually, you know, is there any left? Yeah. 1344 01:08:27,152 --> 01:08:28,318 Yeah, thanks. Go ahead. 1345 01:08:29,320 --> 01:08:30,353 I'll be your look out. 1346 01:08:38,462 --> 01:08:41,731 (COUGHING) Oh. 1347 01:08:41,733 --> 01:08:44,601 Whoa! Man, slow down, funky town. You okay? 1348 01:08:44,603 --> 01:08:46,169 Good, I'm good. 1349 01:08:46,171 --> 01:08:48,204 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 1350 01:09:03,354 --> 01:09:06,489 Hugh G. Rection, that's enough, thank you very, very much. 1351 01:09:06,491 --> 01:09:09,159 Whoa! Man down. 1352 01:09:09,161 --> 01:09:11,227 Man down. 1353 01:09:11,229 --> 01:09:14,831 That was a very admirable effort, ladies and gentlemen. 1354 01:09:14,833 --> 01:09:19,335 But perhaps we learned that being intoxicated isn't enough. 1355 01:09:19,337 --> 01:09:22,338 You've also gotta have a story. 1356 01:09:22,340 --> 01:09:26,176 Don't come up on this stage without a story, folks. 1357 01:09:26,178 --> 01:09:27,710 That's what we wanna see, all right? 1358 01:09:28,779 --> 01:09:30,547 Who's up next? Who's up next? 1359 01:09:31,582 --> 01:09:33,883 Let me see. 1360 01:09:33,885 --> 01:09:36,352 Oh, oh, dirty lady, you can't come up here. 1361 01:09:36,354 --> 01:09:37,687 Get the fuck off the stage, you bag lady! 1362 01:09:37,689 --> 01:09:38,655 Shit, really? 1363 01:09:40,858 --> 01:09:45,328 Ooh, this is highly unusual, but... 1364 01:09:45,330 --> 01:09:48,264 Fuck it. I make the rules as we go anyway. 1365 01:09:48,266 --> 01:09:50,600 And this is too good to pass up. 1366 01:09:50,602 --> 01:09:53,503 We got another performer, folks! 1367 01:09:53,505 --> 01:09:54,737 (CROWD CHEERING) 1368 01:09:56,740 --> 01:09:58,942 WOMAN: You didn't fucking qualify, bitch! Get down. 1369 01:09:58,944 --> 01:10:00,944 Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you, 1370 01:10:00,946 --> 01:10:03,279 the one and hopefully only, 1371 01:10:03,281 --> 01:10:07,584 "Jeff Brown eats his own boogers and I should know 1372 01:10:07,586 --> 01:10:10,620 "because I used to live with the fucking loser." 1373 01:10:11,255 --> 01:10:12,655 (CROWD BOOING) 1374 01:10:14,658 --> 01:10:15,959 You got anything to say up top? 1375 01:10:17,494 --> 01:10:20,697 Yeah. My real name is Kara Jenkins. 1376 01:10:20,699 --> 01:10:24,300 And uh, this is my interpretation of what's it like to have sex with a penis 1377 01:10:24,302 --> 01:10:25,368 the size of a toothpick. 1378 01:10:25,370 --> 01:10:28,471 (CROWD JEERING) 1379 01:10:28,473 --> 01:10:29,639 ANNOUNCER: This is gonna be exciting, folks. 1380 01:10:29,641 --> 01:10:31,241 Hit it! 1381 01:10:31,243 --> 01:10:32,976 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 1382 01:10:49,727 --> 01:10:51,327 Oh, no, ma'am. What? 1383 01:11:07,678 --> 01:11:09,579 (CROWD CHEERING) 1384 01:11:21,625 --> 01:11:23,559 So then, you've, so you've performed... 1385 01:11:23,561 --> 01:11:26,496 Well, in a living room, I did, yeah. Oh, gosh. 1386 01:11:26,498 --> 01:11:27,997 (CHUCKLING) That's terrifying. 1387 01:11:27,999 --> 01:11:28,998 (COUGHING) 1388 01:11:30,801 --> 01:11:32,035 Are you sure you're okay? Great, yeah. 1389 01:11:34,004 --> 01:11:34,904 Um... 1390 01:11:35,973 --> 01:11:36,773 So are you, uh... 1391 01:11:38,842 --> 01:11:40,743 Like, on a label? No, not yet. 1392 01:11:42,913 --> 01:11:44,947 Wait, that's dumb, you know. 1393 01:11:44,949 --> 01:11:46,983 I don't know, you just seem so, you're so good. 1394 01:11:46,985 --> 01:11:48,718 Thank you. 1395 01:11:48,720 --> 01:11:51,387 Well, I've come close a few times and... 1396 01:11:51,389 --> 01:11:53,523 Recently, a few very influential nerds on the internet 1397 01:11:53,525 --> 01:11:55,425 have written about me, so... 1398 01:11:55,427 --> 01:11:57,593 Wow, do you have a pretty big internet footprint, would you say? 1399 01:11:57,595 --> 01:11:58,928 Um... What if I googled you right now? 1400 01:11:59,697 --> 01:12:00,596 What would I find? 1401 01:12:01,332 --> 01:12:02,632 I don't know. 1402 01:12:02,634 --> 01:12:04,734 What was the song that you, um... 1403 01:12:04,736 --> 01:12:05,837 HALEY: Oh, I haven't put that one. 1404 01:12:06,704 --> 01:12:07,571 I haven't put that up yet. 1405 01:12:08,806 --> 01:12:09,806 Shit! 1406 01:12:11,875 --> 01:12:13,910 - HALEY: What's up? - Is that pretty strong? 1407 01:12:13,912 --> 01:12:15,712 Uh, stuff that we... That we smoked? Um... 1408 01:12:16,847 --> 01:12:19,382 - Not really. - STAN: I'm spinning. 1409 01:12:19,384 --> 01:12:20,783 You're spinning? Yep. 1410 01:12:20,785 --> 01:12:22,085 I think we should probably lie down. 1411 01:12:22,087 --> 01:12:23,086 HALEY: Oh, okay. 1412 01:12:23,721 --> 01:12:25,121 Here we go. 1413 01:12:33,364 --> 01:12:34,063 Um... 1414 01:12:37,668 --> 01:12:39,802 (SIGHS) No, that's okay. (CHUCKLING) 1415 01:12:39,804 --> 01:12:42,405 That's... that's okay. I'm, um... 1416 01:12:45,008 --> 01:12:46,642 Oh, God. 1417 01:12:46,644 --> 01:12:48,644 No, no. (GROANING) Oh! 1418 01:12:48,646 --> 01:12:51,881 Ah, shit. Why did I smoke? I never smoke. 1419 01:12:51,883 --> 01:12:53,083 I don't know, why did you? (EXHALING) 1420 01:12:54,017 --> 01:12:55,852 You looked so cool doing it, and... 1421 01:12:56,620 --> 01:12:57,620 I'm an idiot, I think. 1422 01:12:58,722 --> 01:13:00,923 It's okay. 1423 01:13:00,925 --> 01:13:02,725 You are also very cute. Yeah, so are you. 1424 01:13:04,027 --> 01:13:05,395 You know, I'm still spinning. 1425 01:13:05,397 --> 01:13:06,763 (CHUCKLING) So, I can't even... 1426 01:13:06,765 --> 01:13:08,765 Don't, don't. There's like three of you. 1427 01:13:10,434 --> 01:13:11,467 Just talk about normal stuff. Okay. 1428 01:13:11,469 --> 01:13:12,969 Yeah, I'm normal. 1429 01:13:12,971 --> 01:13:15,104 So, what about you? What is your thing, what do you do? 1430 01:13:15,106 --> 01:13:17,573 (EXHALING) Uh, writing... Sitcom. 1431 01:13:17,575 --> 01:13:19,442 Really? Where can I see it? 1432 01:13:19,444 --> 01:13:21,644 No, you can't. It's, uh... 1433 01:13:21,646 --> 01:13:25,548 Too weird, but still trying and I'm doing 1434 01:13:25,550 --> 01:13:27,184 a restaurant job in LA like everybody else there. 1435 01:13:28,419 --> 01:13:30,686 LA, huh? 1436 01:13:30,688 --> 01:13:32,588 Mr. 213, it all makes sense now. Yeah. 1437 01:13:34,124 --> 01:13:35,858 What part of town do you live in? 1438 01:13:35,860 --> 01:13:37,593 Glendale. I live in Los Feliz. 1439 01:13:38,595 --> 01:13:42,632 The eastsiders. Yes. 1440 01:13:42,634 --> 01:13:44,434 Anything west to the 101 sort of makes me wanna kill myself. 1441 01:13:44,436 --> 01:13:45,468 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1442 01:13:47,638 --> 01:13:49,605 Okay, yeah, laughing hurts actually, that's... Oh, no. 1443 01:13:51,842 --> 01:13:53,709 Well, if we can't laugh and you can't look at me, 1444 01:13:53,711 --> 01:13:55,211 what else do we have to do here? 1445 01:13:57,881 --> 01:14:00,149 Oh, shit. Haley, I have to, uh... 1446 01:14:00,151 --> 01:14:01,584 Tell you about something, um... 1447 01:14:03,554 --> 01:14:04,454 (SIGHS) 1448 01:14:04,955 --> 01:14:06,589 Your phone? 1449 01:14:06,591 --> 01:14:09,792 There's a voicemail on here from my ex-girlfriend. 1450 01:14:10,861 --> 01:14:13,696 And I don't know what it says. 1451 01:14:13,698 --> 01:14:15,631 Maybe she wants to get back together or maybe she's telling me to fuck off. 1452 01:14:15,633 --> 01:14:16,933 Because, I, um... 1453 01:14:18,869 --> 01:14:21,671 I came here on a day's notice, 1454 01:14:21,673 --> 01:14:22,973 'cause I found out that she was coming. 1455 01:14:24,975 --> 01:14:27,210 But then I met you, and... (STUTTERING) 1456 01:14:29,213 --> 01:14:31,013 It has been 1457 01:14:31,015 --> 01:14:32,915 awesome, but I just, just, if I don't listen to it, I'm... 1458 01:14:34,818 --> 01:14:35,685 (SIGHS) 1459 01:14:39,590 --> 01:14:40,890 You should listen to it. 1460 01:14:44,661 --> 01:14:45,528 (CLEARS THROAT) 1461 01:14:47,064 --> 01:14:48,031 Thank you for coming tonight. 1462 01:14:50,133 --> 01:14:51,000 And... I'm sorry. 1463 01:14:52,903 --> 01:14:55,037 Don't worry about it. Good luck with the lady. 1464 01:14:57,174 --> 01:14:58,174 Are you gonna be okay? 1465 01:14:58,942 --> 01:15:00,209 Yeah, I'll be fine. 1466 01:15:02,913 --> 01:15:03,946 (SIGHS) 1467 01:15:05,916 --> 01:15:07,250 (CROWD APPLAUDING) ANNOUNCER: And now... 1468 01:15:07,252 --> 01:15:09,118 Booger! That's it. 1469 01:15:09,120 --> 01:15:11,187 (CROWD CHEERING) 1470 01:15:14,224 --> 01:15:16,559 And now, Saurus Sex. 1471 01:15:17,294 --> 01:15:18,995 Oh, yeah. Uh-huh, uh-huh. 1472 01:15:20,297 --> 01:15:22,532 (CROWD CHEERING) 1473 01:15:22,534 --> 01:15:24,867 Booger! Saurus! 1474 01:15:29,206 --> 01:15:32,542 Ladies and gentlemen, I think we got a tie. 1475 01:15:32,544 --> 01:15:35,177 It's a fuck-off. 1476 01:15:35,179 --> 01:15:37,213 (CROWD CHEERING) Yeah! 1477 01:15:37,215 --> 01:15:39,849 All right, all right. Yeah. 1478 01:15:39,851 --> 01:15:42,552 Y'all know the rules. In a fuck-off, 1479 01:15:42,554 --> 01:15:45,988 there are no rules, except, no touching. 1480 01:15:45,990 --> 01:15:49,926 Keep the sex in the air, not the genitals! 1481 01:15:49,928 --> 01:15:51,093 Music, please. 1482 01:15:52,696 --> 01:15:54,797 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 1483 01:15:56,600 --> 01:15:58,067 (CROWD CLAPPING AND CHEERING) 1484 01:16:09,146 --> 01:16:10,613 (CROWD YELLING) 1485 01:16:21,858 --> 01:16:22,925 MAN IN CROWD: Yeah! 1486 01:16:25,128 --> 01:16:26,896 MAN: Oh, shit! 1487 01:16:30,033 --> 01:16:31,033 (GRUNTING) (CROWD YELLING) 1488 01:16:53,156 --> 01:16:54,390 (CROWD CHEERING) 1489 01:17:08,839 --> 01:17:11,874 ANNOUNCER: What are you doing? No touching. 1490 01:17:11,876 --> 01:17:14,210 It's a violation! Break it up. Break it up. 1491 01:17:16,013 --> 01:17:16,879 (EXHALES) 1492 01:17:27,924 --> 01:17:28,924 (BEEPS) 1493 01:17:33,730 --> 01:17:35,730 CATHY: (ON VOICEMAIL) Hi, Stan. 1494 01:17:37,901 --> 01:17:38,934 Wow, um... 1495 01:17:40,837 --> 01:17:43,072 I haven't said those words in months. 1496 01:17:44,174 --> 01:17:45,007 Um... 1497 01:17:48,445 --> 01:17:50,913 I was just calling, because, um... 1498 01:17:57,320 --> 01:17:59,121 Because, um... 1499 01:18:01,458 --> 01:18:03,125 I'm sorry, I'm... 1500 01:18:04,928 --> 01:18:07,296 I'm so sorry. I'm, I'm being an idiot. 1501 01:18:21,178 --> 01:18:22,778 Okay, um... 1502 01:18:27,117 --> 01:18:28,417 Thank you for dinner. 1503 01:18:30,420 --> 01:18:31,487 Absolutely. 1504 01:18:38,128 --> 01:18:39,128 Okay. 1505 01:18:44,801 --> 01:18:46,301 TIM: Well, have a good night. 1506 01:18:47,104 --> 01:18:47,937 You, too. 1507 01:19:05,756 --> 01:19:07,790 (MOANING) 1508 01:19:12,195 --> 01:19:14,330 (CELL PHONE RINGING) Mmm... Wait. 1509 01:19:14,332 --> 01:19:16,232 Oh, one second. Are you kidding me? 1510 01:19:16,234 --> 01:19:18,901 Oh, it's Cathy. Are you kidding me? 1511 01:19:18,903 --> 01:19:20,102 Hey, girl, what's up? 1512 01:19:20,104 --> 01:19:21,971 I ruined the date. I... I ruined it! 1513 01:19:21,973 --> 01:19:23,005 (STUTTERING) I just, just... 1514 01:19:23,007 --> 01:19:24,240 Obliterated it! 1515 01:19:24,242 --> 01:19:28,844 (GRUNTING) CATHY: I dropped the toast and I started crying. 1516 01:19:28,846 --> 01:19:31,380 And he took me to Justine's. Justine's of all places! 1517 01:19:31,382 --> 01:19:33,449 Oh, my God, he took you to Justine's. 1518 01:19:33,451 --> 01:19:34,950 He must've really wanted to fuck you. 1519 01:19:34,952 --> 01:19:37,186 Who cares who wants to fuck Cathy? 1520 01:19:37,188 --> 01:19:39,388 Cathy, I'm leaking into my pants right now. Put a cork in it, asshole. 1521 01:19:39,390 --> 01:19:41,557 Wait, is that Jeff? What's going on? 1522 01:19:41,559 --> 01:19:43,092 - CATHY: Are you guys back together? - Maybe. 1523 01:19:43,960 --> 01:19:45,060 (SIGHS) 1524 01:19:46,329 --> 01:19:47,163 (BEEPS) 1525 01:19:48,031 --> 01:19:49,231 (PHONE RINGING) 1526 01:19:49,233 --> 01:19:50,900 (BEEPING) 1527 01:19:50,902 --> 01:19:52,134 Oh, my God. 1528 01:19:52,136 --> 01:19:53,536 - CATHY: He's calling me. - Who, Tim? 1529 01:19:53,538 --> 01:19:55,437 No, no, it's Stan. 1530 01:19:55,439 --> 01:19:58,107 Stan's calling you? Oh, that fucking loser. 1531 01:19:58,109 --> 01:19:59,308 (RINGING) 1532 01:19:59,310 --> 01:20:00,843 (BEEPING) 1533 01:20:00,845 --> 01:20:01,612 Oh, shit. Not now, dude. 1534 01:20:02,078 --> 01:20:04,146 (BEEPS) 1535 01:20:04,148 --> 01:20:06,382 Look, you're right, I'm sorry. I bailed on you tonight. 1536 01:20:06,384 --> 01:20:08,417 I bailed on you the last six months. I don't care if you do 1537 01:20:08,419 --> 01:20:10,286 slam poetry, I don't care if you air sex. 1538 01:20:10,288 --> 01:20:13,322 Awesome, awesome. Great, dude, I'm stoked. 1539 01:20:13,324 --> 01:20:15,524 Listen, I need a favor. What? 1540 01:20:15,526 --> 01:20:17,560 I need you to apologize to Cathy, tell her you love her. 1541 01:20:17,562 --> 01:20:19,895 Make up with her, move back to Austin and have little Stanleys. 1542 01:20:19,897 --> 01:20:22,264 I don't care, but you gotta get her off the phone with my girlfriend, 1543 01:20:22,266 --> 01:20:24,033 because she's blocking me from getting the pussy that I deserve. 1544 01:20:24,035 --> 01:20:25,167 - KARA: Deserve? - Shut up. 1545 01:20:25,169 --> 01:20:26,535 Fuck you! Shut up! 1546 01:20:26,537 --> 01:20:28,237 Wait, she's on the phone with Kara, right now? 1547 01:20:28,239 --> 01:20:29,505 Wait, who's Jeff talking to? 1548 01:20:29,507 --> 01:20:31,507 KARA: Who do you think? 1549 01:20:31,509 --> 01:20:32,842 You know, just talk to each other. 1550 01:20:38,148 --> 01:20:39,515 Guys, talk. Use your words, please, go. 1551 01:20:46,022 --> 01:20:46,856 KARA: Okay, seriously? 1552 01:20:48,525 --> 01:20:51,093 Look, you guys either belong together or you don't, 1553 01:20:51,095 --> 01:20:53,362 but this wishy-washy-in-between shit has gotta go. 1554 01:20:53,364 --> 01:20:55,364 Actually, Stan, I know what you should do. Listen, 1555 01:20:55,366 --> 01:20:57,933 there's edible underwear in the medicine cabinet at Redge's house. 1556 01:20:57,935 --> 01:20:59,869 The red ones taste terrible, but the other... How do you know that? 1557 01:20:59,871 --> 01:21:01,470 JEFF: Because, we were stoned and we had no food 1558 01:21:01,472 --> 01:21:04,440 Just shut up, shut up. Or... 1559 01:21:04,442 --> 01:21:06,275 Forgive each other for ruining a great relationship 1560 01:21:06,277 --> 01:21:08,944 and move on. Either way we love you. 1561 01:21:08,946 --> 01:21:12,248 Stan, for bailing on me because I was incredible on stage tonight. 1562 01:21:12,250 --> 01:21:14,016 Oh, I fucking destroyed you! Everybody knows that... 1563 01:21:16,920 --> 01:21:17,987 It's not that kind of cab, guys. 1564 01:21:53,623 --> 01:21:54,423 (BEEPS) 1565 01:21:55,225 --> 01:21:56,358 (LINE RINGING) 1566 01:22:04,467 --> 01:22:05,501 (BEEPS) 1567 01:22:07,304 --> 01:22:08,504 (LINE RINGING) 1568 01:22:14,577 --> 01:22:15,511 Hi. 1569 01:22:17,047 --> 01:22:18,047 Hey. 1570 01:22:19,149 --> 01:22:20,149 TIM: Look out. 1571 01:22:34,664 --> 01:22:36,165 (GIGGLING) 1572 01:22:38,501 --> 01:22:40,202 (MOANING) 1573 01:22:54,117 --> 01:22:55,050 Are you okay? 1574 01:23:08,732 --> 01:23:09,999 (MOANING) 1575 01:23:12,469 --> 01:23:13,502 (MOANING) 1576 01:23:22,345 --> 01:23:23,579 (KARA PANTING) 1577 01:23:27,684 --> 01:23:29,351 (GRUNTING) 1578 01:23:33,690 --> 01:23:35,157 (GASPING) 1579 01:23:54,344 --> 01:23:55,644 Is my penis, really, really that small? 1580 01:23:57,814 --> 01:23:58,747 Honestly? 1581 01:24:01,618 --> 01:24:02,484 I love it. 1582 01:24:09,325 --> 01:24:10,259 And what about 1583 01:24:11,227 --> 01:24:12,094 my cavern? 1584 01:24:14,330 --> 01:24:17,366 It's like a little child's. 1585 01:24:17,368 --> 01:24:19,202 Better not know what that fucking feels like, you pedo. 1586 01:24:22,439 --> 01:24:24,106 I was complimenting your vagina. 1587 01:24:26,242 --> 01:24:27,810 I said a nice thing. 1588 01:24:27,812 --> 01:24:29,244 You hit me in the fucking ear with a chip. 1589 01:24:40,490 --> 01:24:41,323 Hey. 1590 01:24:44,194 --> 01:24:45,294 Good to see you, Cathy. Oh. 1591 01:24:45,296 --> 01:24:47,596 Bye, Jeff. 1592 01:24:47,598 --> 01:24:49,832 Ah, you called a cab? Just give me two minutes, I can take you. 1593 01:24:49,834 --> 01:24:52,201 No, no, I, uh, heard you, um... 1594 01:24:52,203 --> 01:24:55,304 Using the microwave this morning. 1595 01:24:55,306 --> 01:24:56,805 (GIGGLING) And I didn't wanna bug. 1596 01:25:00,810 --> 01:25:02,544 So, did you guys talk? 1597 01:25:02,846 --> 01:25:04,113 Um, no. 1598 01:25:05,181 --> 01:25:08,117 Nope, we did not. 1599 01:25:08,119 --> 01:25:10,185 Then why are you smiling? We did not talk at all. 1600 01:25:12,856 --> 01:25:14,423 Oh! (GIGGLING) 1601 01:25:14,425 --> 01:25:16,792 Fuck, yes! 1602 01:25:16,794 --> 01:25:18,327 Mmm. What? 1603 01:25:18,329 --> 01:25:20,562 Oh! (GIGGLING) 1604 01:25:20,564 --> 01:25:22,831 Oh, shit! I'm so sore. 1605 01:25:22,833 --> 01:25:24,266 Oh, that's my girl. I'm so sore. 1606 01:25:24,268 --> 01:25:25,167 Yeah. 1607 01:25:29,839 --> 01:25:30,806 (HONKING) 1608 01:25:33,143 --> 01:25:34,776 You called a cab? 1609 01:25:34,778 --> 01:25:37,279 Yeah, I didn't know if I was gonna see you. 1610 01:25:41,684 --> 01:25:44,653 - I'm sorry, dude. - STAN: Oh, don't. It's no problem. 1611 01:25:44,655 --> 01:25:46,589 I'm actually very surprised to see you in pants this early. 1612 01:25:47,323 --> 01:25:48,190 Pants. 1613 01:25:51,728 --> 01:25:52,594 Did you call her? 1614 01:25:53,496 --> 01:25:54,863 No. No? 1615 01:25:56,266 --> 01:25:58,567 Why are you glowing? What? 1616 01:25:58,569 --> 01:26:00,669 Why are you so happy? 1617 01:26:00,671 --> 01:26:02,638 Why are you happy? What happened last night, huh? 1618 01:26:02,640 --> 01:26:04,206 Did you call that new girl? 1619 01:26:04,208 --> 01:26:06,175 Did you have sex with that new girl? 1620 01:26:06,177 --> 01:26:07,409 Did you fuck that new girl? Oh, we made love 1621 01:26:07,411 --> 01:26:09,845 and it was so sweet. 1622 01:26:09,847 --> 01:26:11,780 Dude, she's such a good cuddler. What are you doing? 1623 01:26:11,782 --> 01:26:14,683 We talked for hours. Get off me! You're not doing it right. 1624 01:26:14,685 --> 01:26:16,852 That's not the way you do that. Get rid of the cab, 1625 01:26:16,854 --> 01:26:19,354 I'm driving you to the airport, Jesus Christ! 1626 01:26:19,356 --> 01:26:21,690 Hey, listen man, can I just give you ten bucks? 113526

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.