All language subtitles for Kevin.Can.Wait.S01E04.HDTV.x264-FLEET

Oh.

You're here.

Yes, it's my house.

Now it's my turn.

"Oh. You're here."

With good reason. Kendra and I are dropping
your little ones off at sleepovers.

The least I can do for allowing
me to live in your garage.

And marry your daughter.
All of it.

Um...

And just know, I respect your boundaries,
so please, pretend I'm invisible.

I like that.

But it's hard to pretend you're invisible
when I can still see you. So...

Psst... Back a little bit.
Yeah, there you go. Oh.

Still got a little peripheral on you.
Right there. Yeah.

Back... Back...
There ya go.

KENDRA: Dad?
Yeah.

Ugh. Dad. Okay. I cannot study up there.
This is ridiculous.

I shouldn't have to share
a room with my baby sister.

It's torture. Oh, come
on, it's not that bad.

All right?
Oh, it is.

She's biting her fingernails and
spitting them into a Gatorade bottle.

Okay.

My Gatorade bottle.

At least she's grooming, all right?
It's a step in the right direction.

C'mon, Dad, why can't I just
live in the garage with Chale?

I mean, we're engaged.
Yeah.

Exactly, you're not married yet.
If ever. My house, my rules.

Fine. But we are
gonna revisit this.

Absolutely.
Right after the wedding.

And even then,
probably not.

Dad, I love you.
Oh. Have fun tonight, okay?

I took 10 dollars out of your wallet,
but I told you, so it's not stealing.

I only took five,
because you raised me right.

Boom!

Here we go...

There we are. Nice.

Okay.

Oh. Oh.

Oh!

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Hey, honey.
Hey.

Dug too deep on your bread bowl
again, didn't you? I did. Yeah.

The store was a madhouse.
Oh. What...

A slab of brie?
Yeah.

What's my rule on cheese?
Yes.

If it's not individually
wrapped, forget that crap.

Yes.

Don't worry,
it's not for you.

My book club's coming over tonight.
It's gonna be fun.

I got the guys here tonight.

No. Go to Mott's house.
He's got a big place.

Yeah,
he's also got seven kids.

And the twins are usually
in a naked slap fight.

Well, I'm not canceling.

It's my first time hosting.
I'm excited.

Excited? Oh, let me see.
Yeah.

Baseball... Book club. Ooh.

(IMITATES TOILET FLUSHING)

♪ I am not your
ordinary guy ♪

Sorry I'm late.

My mom's foot veins
are flarin' up again.

Tell your mother to plop her feet in a
bucket of hot water for 10 minutes,

then ice 'em,
then back to heat.

See, I heard it was ice,
heat, ice.

Heat. Ice.

Guys, guys, guys.
Hey, do me a favor.

Slow down on this conversation 'cause
I wanna catch all the... (SNORES)

(WOMEN LAUGHING IN OTHER ROOM)

What's goin' on in there?

Oh. Donna's got her book club.

I don't know
what they're doing,

but it sounds pretty wild.

(LAUGHS)

Hey, it's pretty
wild in here too.

I'll get us more chips.

Let's focus on the game.

Mets are only down by nine.

Let's change the mojo.

Switch seats, move around.

Oh, no. I got this.
I got this.

WOMEN: Chug! Chug! Chug!

(WOMEN CHEERING)

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

Are we getting too loud?

No. Were we getting too loud?

To be honest, we didn't even
know you were still in there.

Have there been people in
that room the whole night?

Oh yeah, it's off the chain.

(WOMEN CONTINUE LAUGHING)

We moved. The Phillies scored.

We moved back.

C'mon guys. Motty, shotgun!

Yeah, get on it.
What the hell?

C'mon, chug it.
I don't want to chug it.

You chipped it.
I didn't chip it. Chug it.

You chipped it, guy.

Get him a towel!

Fine!

(WOMEN LAUGHING)

Everything okay in there?

Yeah, you know what,
it's just great...

Mott puked. Oh yeah, it
reached the next level. Woo!

(WOMEN CONTINUE LAUGHING)

(GIGGLING)

Hmm. What's up?

Oh, nothing.

Just something that happened
in the book club.

Oh.

(LAUGHING)

What?

We had something too.

Duffy was riffing about his
mom's foot veins. Hilarious.

Whoa, you guys had ribs?

Yeah, our book had
a southern theme,

so everybody
brought something.

Gina brought Kentucky bourbon,
Danielle brought biscuits.

And Laura, some pretty racy
stories from the Bahamas.

Was there any book readin'?

Well, we start with the book.

Then the drinks flow,
and before you know it

we're trying to sign Gina up for whipped
cream wrestling at a bar in Ronkonkoma.

Which we all agreed would
be very irresponsible.

So, it's like this every week?

Well, yeah, ever since we got
rid of this one girl, Tammi.

Dead weight.

All she would do
is talk about her cat.

We get it, you didn't rescue
her, she rescued you.

Total downer.

Anyway... (RASPBERRY)
cut her loose.

You just kicked someone
out of the group?

Well, I didn't. Danielle did.

But yeah, if they're not
bringin' it, they gotsta go.

Waitress!

How about
a couple more slices, huh?

Does Mom know
you're eating this?

Okay, you know what? Do me a favor.
Listen up, all right?

This is where I hang out.

My safe place.

And when I got you this job, we laid
down some rules and regs. Remember?

I do.

Always top off your drink.

If you ask for regular cheese,
it means double cheese.

Double means triple.

And if Mom asks, you ate
something with carrots.

And most important?

And if there's a pizza made by mistake,
you guys get first crack at it.

Boom.

So... You're probably wondering
why I summonsed you here today.

Not really.
We're here every day.

True. But today's different.
I summonsed you.

You texted us.

It's a summons, guy.
Summons.

Anyway, it doesn't matter.

Last night was
a real eye-opener.

And it brings me to a question.
Is this as good as it gets?

I guess if it had mushrooms. And
they burned the crust a little.

Not the pizza.
I mean this... Life.

I mean, come on.

When we were on the force, talking
about our dream retirement,

is this is what we pictured?
Kinda.

I mean, every day can't be
the Fourth of July.

This is like July fifth.

Hey, my aunt's birthday.

Hey, focus.

Last night, six women in a book
club completely lapped us.

A book club. I'm gonna let
that sink in for a minute.

You want us to start
a book club?

No, I want you
to ask yourself,

"What do I bring to the table?"
Mott, tell me why you're an asset.

Why do I wanna
be in the Mott business?

Well...

I'm honest.

I live close by.
There you go.

I think my minivan's a plus.

Hold up, you're evaluating us?

Think about it, how do
baseball teams get better?

They evaluate performance.

This is just an informal, yet permanent
record of who's contributing what.

Yeah, maybe we
should evaluate you.

Evaluate me? Already did.

"Insane leadership skills. Laser
focused, but with a playful side."

The only negative,
I "care too much."

Yeah, you left something out.
"Bully." You're a bully. I'm out.

Yeah, me too.
Oh. Okay.

Mott, let's go, you drove.

(LAUGHING)

I'm right behind you.
Don't turn around.

I'm just going to use
the microwave.

Hey, Chale. Still
invisible, still invisible.

Okay.
You can use the microwave.

And by the way, you wanna sit
down and watch the game?

No reason we can't
get to know each other.

My heart wants
to believe you, but...

My brain says
this is a trap.

It's not a trap.

(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)

You almost got me,
but not today.

(WOMEN CONTINUE LAUGHING)

That's where the book
loses me.

Would an educated woman be with a
guy that stupid and self-centered?

Don't answer that,
I'm in the room.

Anyway, I made way too much
of my special onion dip.

So ladies, have at it.

I'm going to bed.

Wow. This is insane.

What's in this?

It's just herbs,
some sour cream,

and a special ingredient I'm
not at liberty to tell you.

But I will.
Lipton onion soup.

(LAUGHING)

'Night, honey.
Yeah, good night. Okay.

Wait. Kevin, you're a guy.

Thank you.

If you had to pick between a slutty
servant woman or an educated governess,

who would you choose to help
you on a cattle drive?

Ah, that age old question.

First I have to ask,
how long is this cattle drive?

And what does a guy have to do to
get a glass of merlot around here?

Um...
Oh! Okay.

Hmm. Ooh. Pretty bouquet.
I like it.

(GIGGLING)

What's so funny?

I was just thinking
about Steph.

When she was ripping on her
husband for wearing skinny jeans.

I was literally crying.

I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. We've
never had a husband join us...

And stay until
the very, very end.

Anyway, thanks for letting
me hang out.

No problem.

Next week I promise
I'm just gonna blend in.

Next week?

Honey, is there something going on
with the guys that I don't know about?

Guys?

You mean the weak links
that are weighing me down?

They hadsta go.

(PHONE CHIMES)
Oh.

No, Nancy, you're the best.

Smiley face, smiley face
with glasses, dynamite.

Where's the food?
I got hungry women out there.

No, no. It's gotta
sit for a minute.

Nothing worse
than runny lasagna.

So, any single ladies
in this club?

Hey, this is about literature.

You can't hook your
own brother up?

I'm on call at the fire house
right now.

I'm doing this as a favor.

I can't. I'm a newbie myself.
I've only been there a few weeks.

I'll tell you what, I'll float your
name and see how it washes out.

I'll start 'em with this.

Here you go ladies.

I thought everybody would
enjoy a little cru-dite,

which is just a posh way
of saying raw vegetables.

It's crudite.

Ooh, French language
police are here, take me away.

Kidding! You're my Yoda.
You are.

I think someone's
looking for you.

What are you doing?

Nothing. Just, the one on the chair
over there, she's kinda cute.

She gave me the eye. That's 'cause
she hasn't seen a handlebar mustache

since 1974.

Sorry about that.

You know, we should probably start
talking about the book now.

Before we do, I wanna thank
you girls for embracing me.

I know that being here
is not a right,

it's a privilege, and
everybody's gotta step up...

You don't have to step up, sweetie.
Just sit there, and...

Just sit there.

No, what I bring, and what I think
you ladies have latched on to,

is a male perspective. Right?

I'm not saying The Honeybee and the
Looking Glass isn't a great book...

But how 'bout we throw "a curve
ball" and light this party on fire?

The Drew Ott Story.

"This shortstop played more minor league
baseball games than anyone in history.

"But on the day he finally gets called up
to the big leagues, tragedy strikes...

"...him out."

I'm not sure that's
something we'd...

Wanna read.

Danielle, I know you have
a problem with commitment,

but don't miss this boat like
you did with Tyler.

Sorry, but somebody had to say it.
You were all thinking it.

Honey, I think this would be a good time
to get those broccoli pinwheels going?

I'm in the middle...
No, it's okay. I'll help you.

Okay, fine.

Look, I know you think it's a book
about baseball, but it's not.

It's about life.

Honey, you're out of the club.

What?

I'm sorry.

You gotsta go.

But everyone loves me.

They loved it when you
came the first night,

but you're like triple
chocolate cake.

It's great one time, but you
can't eat it every night.

That's not a good analogy
for me.

Okay, sweetheart,
it's a girls' club.

I know something happened with you and your
friends, but you have to work that out.

'Cause the book club
is my time.

Oh, I see, it's... Okay.

You're jealous because I'm
fitting in a little too well.

I'm stealing your thunder.

All right, I got it.
No...

I'm not the only one
who feels this way.

Now you're telling me your friends
don't want me in the group?

Yeah.
Wow.

Wow. This is sad.

This is so, so sad.

Sad.

Allow me to read a text.
Okay.

Yeah. Okay.
Here we go. Ready?

Me, "See you Tuesday, Lisa." Her
response, "Sounds good, Kev."

"Sounds good, Kev."
Mmm-hmm. Okay.

From Nancy...

"If we have book club at my house,
do you think Kevin will show up?"

It's all in how you're
reading it. I see it as,

"Do you think Kevin
will show up?"

Uh-huh. All right.
Well, this one...

It's not even a text.

It's just a picture of you with
the word "OUT" underneath it.

She took my head and put it
on a manatee's body.

I'm sorry, honey.

Wow. So, that's it?

Well, I guess I'll just finish
out the night.

Mmm, no.

Ladies, it's been brought to my attention
that I may not be your cup of tea.

Some of you even consider me
a little pushy...

With the body of a manatee.

So I guess this is goodbye.

Annie, I told you things I've
never told another human being.

Cake balls are in the freezer.

And the merlot should breathe
a few minutes before serving.

But what do I know?

No one's gonna stop you, hon.

Yes!

All we do is play corn hole.

Aren't you guys
about corn holed out?

How 'bout stick ball?
Stick ball?

What are we, 12-year-olds
in the Great Depression?

And stop looking at him.

Dad, just go talk to them.

Talk to who?

The three grown men playing
with beanbags

and pretending not to notice
you for the last two hours.

They can apologize to me.

All I was trying to do
was make our lives better.

Yeah, that worked.

He just looked over here!

Let's just talk to him.
No.

We blink first, he wins.

Somebody ordered a large pepperoni
and never picked it up.

According to your rule, you
guys get first crack at it.

I'm grabbin' a slice.

Stay strong.

This is stupid.

We can call a truce.

At least until we finish
the pizza.

You take this one.

I know how much you like
the burned crusts.

Did you remember that about me?
Or was it in my file?

It's in here.

And it's in here.

Classy move, kid.

Thanks, Enzo.

Ya know, I'm gonna need you to
pay for that large pepperoni.

Yeah, I know.

I mean now.
I'm counting out the drawer.

Hey, Dad.
What you doing?

Watching a movie.
You wanna watch?

Yeah.

How you doin', kiddo?

I'm okay.

But I missed you.

Sometimes I miss Mom,
but today...

Today's a Dad day.

Oh, that's sweet.

How was school?

It was good.

Actually you might get a call from the
vice principal with a very one-sided story

about a food fight I was
accused of starting.

He already called. And
you're grounded for a week.

Well, I guess there's
no reason to do this anymore.

Probably not.

You know, Mr. Gable, I was
thinking about your offer to watch

TV with you the other day,
and you're right.

There is no reason why we
can't get to know each other.

Yeah, I worked things out with my buddies.
You're out.

Fair enough.

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