Original subtitles

? Oh baby what I couldn't do ?

? With plenty of money and you ?

? In spite of the worry that money brings ?

? Just a little filthy lucre buys a lot of things ?

? And I could take you to places you'd like to go ?

? But outside of that I've no use for dough ?

? It's the root of all evil of strife and upheaval ?

? But I'm certain honey that life could be sunny ?

? With plenty of money and you ??

Alright now, boys!

This afternoon, for our final session

we will have with us Andy Callahan.

Manager of the Good Life Agency.

Introducing, Andy Callahan.

Men, I've only got one thing to say.

Car loadings.

Car loadings!

What does it mean when I say that car loadings

are up 16 and one half percent over last month?

What has that got to do with life insurance?

Plenty.

It means there is no depression.

Don't let your prospect talk about it.

All you've got to do is get him so enthused

over what life insurance would do for him..

...that he can see himself lying in his grave..

...glorying in the physical comfort of his family.

You can't sell insurance..

...sitting on your chairs in the office.

You've gotta get out and get it!

Alright, now, boys. Let's go.

Everybody follow our song leader, Rosmer Peek.

Where is Rosmer?

Come on, Rosmer. Come out from wherever you are.

- Rosmer, come on. - Rosmer!

We want Rosmer. We want Rosmer.

Boop, I'm gonna get someplace, see?

When I left school, I got into this to please my father.

I'm not cut out for it, neither are you.

Yes, sir. I'm gonna get out of this insurance business

as soon as I get back to New York.

Peek! Oglethorpe!

Come on! Up and at 'em. That's the old pep.

They want you to sing, Rosmer, quick.

I thought you cured them yesterday.

So did I. Guess they relapsed.

That's the old stuff. Give them all you got!

Alright, Andy. We'll give our all for Good Life.

? You'll get pie in the sky ?

? You'll get pie in the sky when you die die die ?

? If you buy buy buy life insurance ?

? Lilies will adorn you relatives will mourn you ?

? They'll be in the gravy when you're in the grave ?

? You'll get pie in the sky ?

? Angels high all will cry ?

? Did you buy buy buy ?

? The super great the pearly gate ?

? The New York colossal the U.S. old fossil ?

? The A.K. and A.Z. the knee deep in daisy ?

? Life insurance ?

Everybody!

? You'll get pie in the sky ?

? You'll get pie in the sky when you die die die ?

? If you buy buy buy life insurance ?

? Lilies will adorn you relatives will mourn you ?

? They'll be in the gravy when you're in the grave ?

? You'll get pie ??

'All aboard!'

'The Jolly Maids.'

'We should be called "The Fire Horse Brigade."'

No company made a quick round trip to Atlantic City

since footlights were invented.

I must say it's very humiliating.

I haven't got over it yet.

Oh dear, I-I feel as if I were going to faint any minute.

Save it. There's no man around to catch you.

I thought it was such a pretty little show.

You didn't ever see the show.

All you ever saw was that moonfaced tenor.

Working for Herman is like a student tour.

I should be used to it, but I'm not.

- Hello, Verna. - Hello, dear.

I want my luggage, if you please.

She wants her luggage.

Aren't you going back with us?

Oh, dear, no.

I couldn't think of riding on that beastly train.

I hate trains.

She hates trains.

- Take them to the car. - Yes, miss.

Harry ran up for me, you know.

She'd wear that coat if it killed her.

Six months ago, she was working for a seamstress.

- Now she's engaged to a broker. - How'd she get such a break?

One day, the broker ripped his pants. The rest is history.

And I believe she's got the right idea.

That's way to get ahead in this business.

- Work for a seamstress? - Yeah...no, be a gold digger.

Of course a girl doesn't have to be a gold digger exactly.

If she wants to be nice to a man and takes presents from him..

...in a nice way, I mean.

And men just love to give presents to little girls.

And it's such fun. I mean, opening packages.

Yeah, if y'all's conscience don't jump out at you.

Girls, from now on, you're looking at a new Genevieve.

A gal who starts with that old mighty slogan, "Get your man."

And ends with the old police slogan Cherchez la femme.

What are you doing?

I'm doing nothing in this world but looking for a job.

They don't advertise for chorus girls. They just whisper it.

Nevertheless, I want a job.

One where they hand you a pay envelope every Saturday night

and out comes money.

Sounds interesting.

Oh, look!

Look, girls. A gold rush!

Get out your pick and shovel.

I always love men around me when I'm hungry.

Girls, we're saved. Look what's getting on.

Happy days are here again.

I hope there's a fat man among them, I like fat men.

You can always outrun them.

They're insurance salesmen.

Whoever heard of an insurance salesman with a dime?

They have expense accounts and we can get dinner.

I never did like starving.

- You coming along? - No, thank you.

- You coming, Genevieve? - Not me.

I never found a worthwhile guy in a day coach.

I'm going to explore the observation car.

- I think I'll go with you. - Well, good luck.

- You all ready, girls? - Yes!

Come on, let's go.

I hope I find some kinda boyfriend.

Come on, girls. Just get in, get in.

Hello. Hello.

What's the matter, Sally? Open the door.

We're hungry.

Well, it's stuck or locked or something.

Say, can I help?

Oh, thank you.

That's the kind of work I do.

Say, I'm afraid it is locked.

Oh dear. We were on our way to the diner.

I don't want you to think I'm fresh or anything..

...but if you'll sit down and wait till I'm hungry..

...I'll break that door and go with you.

Well, I hardly think I should.

No sense in going back when you've come this far.

Sit, I'll tell you the story of my life.

I might if it isn't too long.

I hope ya'll forgive me.

But sitting here with a strange gentleman

makes me feel terribly embarrassed.

At home on the plantation, my daddy wouldn't think

of letting me talk to a strange northerner.

Northerner? Honey, didn't you know I was from the South?

Why, that makes a big difference.

Oh, sure enough, honey.

What are we waiting for? Let's play. I won't tell your pappy.

If you ask me, I don't see why J.J. wanted us to come here

and catch a turkey like that Jolly Maids.

We've got shows of our own just as bad.

Well, I'm going in and get some dinner.

You coming?

Oh dear. Stupid of me, isn't it?

Not at all. I'm afraid it's me.

I'm looking for the diner. Is it down this way?

No, this is the last car. It must be the other way.

Unless we've lost it.

Goodness. I'm afraid I'll never be able to find it.

Well, may I show you?

Oh, would you? Thank you so much.

And your friend?

Oh, me? Oh, I'm not hungry.

Oh!

Oh, is this your paper?

Well, it was.

I'm so sorry, I didn't see you under it.

Well, weren't the feet hanging out?

Oh yes. I'm a little shortsighted.

Oh, is that so? That's too bad.

I had trouble with my eyes about 10 years ago.

Really? When you were just a boy.

Well, not exactly a boy.

You'll forgive me for disturbing you, won't you?

Why, of course.

You'll go on with your nap as if nothing happened, won't you?

Well, uh, as a matter of fact

I don't feel like napping just now, Miss..

Larkin. Genevieve Larkin.

Isn't that a terrible name?

I always wanted to be called something like Jewela or Carmen.

Or something sweet like that.

But mother thought that..

Poor Mother.

She thought Genevieve would protect me better.

Poor, dear Mother. She was always worrying about me.

And she's gone?

Yes, and father too.

There, there. You mustn't dwell on such things.

I can't help it. It seems sometimes that life's empty.

Well, you must get new interests, new friends.

I've tried. I've tried.

Perhaps I could help you.

Oh, could you?

Could you with psychology or something like that?

Well, not exactly that.

Oh, you're so awfully kind, mister..

Isn't this terrible? Here I am talking to you like this

unburdening myself, and I don't even know your name.

Morty Wethered, Miss Larkin, and it isn't terrible at all.

It's done every day.

Dinner is now being served.

Dinner now being served.

Will you take dinner with me, Miss Larkin?

Oh, I'd be delighted.

First call for dinner.

First call for dinner.

Come on.

'First call for dinner.'

Hey, back there, wait a minute.

Well, boys, there must be more where they came from.

Time's up. Come on, let's go.

There's one left over.

Hi, baby. Wally, she's mine!

'She's mine, I saw her first.'

- 'Hey, wait. Come here.' - 'Hey, wait for me, will you?'

- Wait, wait. - Just a minute. Why hurry?

- Lady, you're next. - Excuse me.

'Hey, wait a minute.'

- Oh. - Hello.

Hello. I came in.

No, you didn't, you couldn't. The door's locked.

Oh, yes, I'm here. I can tell.

Don't be so positive. I don't see a soul.

I see you're not shaving, either.

No. You got me this lather. Catch on?

I guess I owe you an apology for bursting in like this.

It seems that some men were chasing me.

What for? I mean, were they?

Yeah.

Well, thanks for the refuge.

You can't get out. The door's still locked.

- Is it? - Yeah. You get in and sit down.

I'll call and get the porter and get a pass key, huh?

Is this done in the best families?

Don't tell you're one of the Boston Bluntzingtons?

- Oh, no. - Then sit down, sit down.

It's comfortable there, sit down.

Alright.

Begin at the beginning.

Name, age, weight, height, and occupation.

Name, Norma.

Age, you can see I'm just a baby.

Weight I won't discuss.

Height..

Uh, there's a spot over here you just missed.

Oh, and you're just the right height too.

I guess I better go.

Say, the light's kind of bad in here.

- You see any more spots? - Yes, I do.

No, not that one, now. Wait a minute, that's my pip.

I'm saving that. I mean here.

- Where did you come from? - Fresh from the chorus.

You do time steps and buck routines and all that stuff?

Uh-huh. Been at it for three years--

Yeah, I know. You never lost a spangle.

- Yeah. - Ouch.

Hold still.

- You like that kind of work? - No, I don't.

I'm looking for a job right now.

What kind of a job?

There must be someplace

where you work and get paid for it.

Say, maybe I can fix that.

Yeah, look.

Here's my card.

Rosmer Peek, that's me.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

I'm the salesman for the Good Life Insurance Company.

Anything I say the plant goes.

You give that to Mr. Callahan, he'll give you a job.

You're nice to do this.

That's alright. One good turn deserves another.

What'd I do?

Well, that close shave you gave me was kind of nice.

Well, I guess I better be going.

Would you like a little drink, for good luck or something?

- No, thank you. - Have one?

Come on, you'll hurt my feelings.

These are martinis. Don't be afraid of the gin

I made it myself fresh last night.

There you are.

You got a cute face.

I mean, you had a cute face. What's the matter?

That's awfully good, but I guess I'm just not a drinking woman.

Goodbye now.

Oh! Wrong bottle.

Darn that Boop and his sauerkraut juice.

Life insurance. What's that gotta do with a girl like you?

- It's a job. - If you get it.

When they pass jobs in the men's washroom, a new day has dawned.

- It was an accident-- - That's why I came.

So there won't be any more accidents.

Well, here's the battlefield.

Not just a stenographer, they need a whole staff.

We shouldn't have come in.

You didn't expect them to come to you?

Hello!

Hello?

Hello, oh.

- Oh, good morning. - Good morning.

- Are you Mr. Callahan? - Right, just call me Andy.

I've a card here from your ace salesman.

He said you needed a stenographer.

- So Rosmer is my ace salesman. - That's what he told me.

You're the only person he's sold since he's been here.

Do you type?

It's not one of the things I do best.

I'm the one applying, remember?

- Oh, experienced? - Well, I--

She's very modest but she's the best stenographer in New York.

I see. Started in the cradle.

I've tried out a lotta girls around here

but none of them had any zip for an insurance agency.

- You've got it. - And I'm gonna keep it.

I don't think this is the right place for you.

I'm sure it'll be alright if Mr. Callahan'll have me.

Okay. We'll give you a whirl.

- Salary's 22.50 a week. - Oh.

- Goodbye, Norma. - Goodbye.

- Don't forget next Tuesday. - What do you mean?

When we take our last jiu jitsu lesson.

- Know how to run a switchboard? - Yes.

Good. Make yourself at home and I'll show you around later.

Uh, "The good life keeps rolling along."

- Remember that. - Yes, sir.

And "Life insurance is immortal." Got it?

Oh yes.

Got any more martinis?

Well, hello!

- Hello. - Isn't that funny?

Just sent a letter to the boss, Mr. Callahan.

I said, "There's a girl coming for a job here".

She'd be great. She's got blue eyes, as good as in."

Has the boss read the letter?

Oh, oh-oh. Well, I've been awfully busy.

Somebody read your mind then, because

P.S. she got the job.

Really? You're gonna work here?

Oh, that's swell. That's swell. That's fine.

I guess Mr. Callahan heard me dictate the letter.

Yes, I distinctly remember him saying something about

his ace salesman.

Uh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, that's me. Yeah.

Well, it's nice weather, isn't it, huh?

No, it isn't. It's raining out there.

I'm glad you're gonna work here.

- I better get some done. - Wait.

I wanna talk to you. Sit down.

Well...go ahead and talk.

Yeah, yeah, well, I thought, maybe..

- You see, I-- - Yeah, and very true.

It's still raining though, isn't it?

Oh, speaking of the weather again, huh?

Speaking of the weather.

Speaking of the weather.

? Speakin' of the weather it isn't the humidity it's you ?

? Come donner come blitzen ?

? Come pitter or pat ?

? What in thunder is thunder ?

? Compared to my heart when it beats like that ?

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? Speakin' of the thunder ?

? Speakin' of the lightning it's frightening dear ?

? What your eyes can do ?

? Let the heavens crash zoom and swirl ?

? Let it flash boy meets girl ?

? Speakin' of the weather good old weather ?

? Ain't it lovely weather and incidentally I love you ?

? Pardon me miss do you belong to this umbrella ?

? Pardon me miss it matches your eyes ?

? Speaking of eyes if they belong to this umbrella ?

? They should be sheltered at once ?

? From those threatening skies ?

? Speaking of skies and the storm in view ?

If that's your conversation, I've some work to do.

Oh so! Thou would'st not to be speaking?

About the weather?

- Aye! - Nay.

But the hour is noon, thy work is done.

It may be noon, but it's just begun.

Pray let me speak, whilst thou fiddlest the keys.

Speak if thou must, but softly, please.

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? It isn't the humidity it's you ?

? Come donner come blitzen ?

? Come pitter or pat ?

? Your nose loves the raindrops ?

? Your nose knows the rose always grows from that ?

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? Speakin' of the thunder ?

? And speakin' of the lightning it's frightening dear ?

? What your eyes can do ?

? Let the heavens crash zoom and swirl ?

? Let it flash ?

? A boy meets girl ?

? Speakin' of the weather good old weather ?

? Ain't it lovely weather ?

? And incidentally I love you ??

And what is this?

We were speaking about the weather.

Fun's fun but--

Yeah, I know. "Life insurance is immortal."

- Miss, uh-- - Perry. Norma Perry.

I'm terribly sorry.

Up and at 'em. You can't sell insurance this way.

Or any other way.

Optimism's what you need.

- Do or die! - Sink or swim!

Strike while the iron's hot!

Insurance can be sold, statistics prove it.

Now you're getting the idea. Come on.

- Andy. - I know what you're gonna say.

- I wanna quit. - Quit?

Would you lay down your tools before the job's done?

- Be branded before men? - Alright, alright.

That's the stuff, you'll sell a million yet.

Come on, and remember "The good life keeps rolling along."

Yeah, and we roll with it.

- We're going out, Miss Perry. - Yes, sir.

And remember, Miss Perry, "Life insurance is immortal."

- Yes, sir. - That's the spirit!

Come on, Rossie.

Would you call Andy if I kissed you?

Not unless you wanna kiss him too.

That's for me.

That's for you.

- Norma. - Norma.

Norma.

- How are you, darling? - Gen, you look wonderful.

- Isn't it marvelous? - We were coming after you.

Throw that pencil of commerce and climb into a shorts.

Why? What's happened?

Well, Mr. Wethered, the new boyfriend

is a partner of J.J. Hobart, the producer.

J.J. is putting on a show.

We're all gonna be in it or something.

Come along. We're meeting them at the Embassy Club.

- And have lunch. - And maybe shopping afterwards.

No, thanks. I wouldn't care about that.

You don't mean, you like this life insurance business?

There's a boy in the office, one of the salesmen.

- Oh, I get it. - I know when I'm well off.

Those paychecks come in like clockwork.

The poor child. Must be the heat.

Or love.

Or something. Is there nothing we can do?

Nope. Oh yes, find somebody who wants insurance.

If anybody wants it, we'll find them.

Maybe we can sell the boys.

- Yeah. - That'll be great.

We've gotta go. They're waiting.

- Bye. - Bye-bye.

- To the Embassy, Pierre. - Oui, oui, mademoiselle.

Hello, Wethy, baby.

Hello, Hugo. You little darling.

Not in public, Irene.

- Mr. Hugo, Miss Larkin, Miss.. - 'Laverne.'

- How do you do? - Where is my sugar daddy?

Didn't you bring one for me?

Thought we were meeting Mr. J.J. Hobart.

He wouldn't come, he felt too sick.

What's Sally supposed to do? Twiddle her thumbs?

Sally can twiddle anything she wants.

Now, Gen. I'm sorry. something's happened.

I've gotta speak to you alone.

Will you excuse us, please?

One champagne cocktail and a martini.

- Yes, sir. - Baby, what's the matter?

Oh, judgment day has sounded.

J.J. insists on putting on the show.

What's wrong? He's been putting on shows for 20 years.

Sit down so that you can stand the shock.

Well, what's the matter?

We haven't got the money to do the show.

- You mean, J.J.'s broke? - Yeah.

Almost and he doesn't know it.

We got a tip on the market, we lost.

We tried to get it back, we lost more.

Oh, it's all becoming very clear.

When the time comes for J.J. to sign

the check he's gonna find out.

Then we're gonna be out on our ears

and very possibly behind the bars.

Why don't you talk him out of doing the show?

As though we haven't tried.

If only something would happen to him.

He's been on the edge for months.

If only he'd fall apart while there's time.

What good would that do? Wouldn't they investigate?

Gen, you've gotta think of something.

My mind is blank.

J.J. is likely to find that out too.

Well, has Genevieve got any ideas?

Shh.

- She's thinking. - Really?

Boys, I've got it.

- What? - Got what?

Insure him. Make yourselves the beneficiaries.

If he can't last longer, then insure the brains

and guiding spirit of Hobart, Wethered and Hugo.

How can we do it?

You've gotta get a high pressure man

with facts and statistics, and let him sell.

That's what we need, high pressure.

- Wait, wait. I've got it. - Got what?

My brother's wife's brother--

No, no. Now, let's keep your family outta this.

Your sister's husband's cousin gave us that tip on the market.

'What we need is a stranger.'

I've just the one for you. The Good Life Agency.

- I never heard of them. - So much the better.

Hand me that telephone.

- Hello. - Hello, Good Life Agency?

This is Genevieve Larkin.

Hello, Gen.

Hello, this is Morty Wethered speaking.

Yes, of Hobart, Wethered and Hugo.

I wanna talk to your best salesman, please.

Oh yeah. Yeah, wait a minute.

Answer the phone, quickly.

Hello.

Uh, we want one of your best men

sent over here to handle a little policy.

Oh, well, there's no one in the office right now.

Talk to him!

Hey, hey, will I do? I mean--

Well now, send your best man. What's the name?

Oh, our best man is named Andy.

Rosmer Peek.

Oh, yes. Yes. He's our best man. There's no doubt about that.

Hobart Theatre, 2:00?

Yes, sir. Positively.

Wow!

Norma, somebody actually wants insurance.

- Oh, wonderful. - Life insurance is immortal..

- Good afternoon, Mr. Hobart. - Good afternoon, J.J.

- Good afternoon, Mr. Hobart. - Good afternoon, Mr. Hobart.

Good afternoon, Mr. Hobart.

Yeah, what's good about it?

- Good afternoon, chief. - Good afternoon, J.J.

Stop slamming doors. Soften your tone.

Please, have a little respect for a tired old man.

That's a good one. "Tired old man."

You're only as old as you feel.

Now listen. I am old and I am tired, see?

Yeah, that's settled. Now what?

Well, J.J., uh, Hugo and I've been thinking..

That's something new, at least.

Oh, J.J..

Oh, what's the use?

Here I've spent my life..

...building up..

...what?

Fifty-nine years old today.

I'm sick of it. Sick of the city.

Sick of the country.

I'm sick of the theater.

Sick of you.

Sick of myself.

Now, J.J., how can you talk like that?

Oh, come, come, gentlemen, what is it?

It's like this. Hugo and I had an idea.

- Uh, could I see Mr. Wethered? - He's busy.

Then I'll wait over here.

Over here.

Why? Why the Sam Hill should I take out an insurance policy?

But it's high time you realized

that you're the keystone of this organization.

The guiding genius of the American theater of today.

And if you're taken away from us..

Heaven forbid.

'...we're sunk, we're licked.'

Have you been keeping something from me?

Aren't we in A-1 financial condition?

Why, of course.

This makes me feel

as if you're all standing around, waiting.

I'm surprised at you.

- Chief! - It's ridiculous.

Well, we'll forget the whole thing.

Ask Miss Bailey to call up and see where that agency fellow is.

- I don't want any insurance. - Now, J.J.

- Nothing doing. - Oh, Miss Bailey.

Call up the Good Life and find out where that salesman is.

He's here. Send him in.

Throw him out!

- Come in. - Get out!

- Yes, sir. - Just a minute, just a minute.

Mr. Peek, this is our president, Mr..

Hah!

Mr. Hah.

- Hobart! - Oh, Mr. Hobart.

- This is Mr. Hugo. - How do you do?

- How do you do? - I'm Mr. Wethered.

- 'How do you do?' - 'Won't you sit down?'

'Yes, thank you.'

Well?

Well, how is the insurance business these days, Mr. Peek?

Well, the car loadings last month were..

Car loading?

Yes, sir, yes, sir.

The car loadings are up 16.5%.

Listen, young man, I wanna ask you a question.

I've got enough money to live on.

My theaters are in A-1 financial shape.

I have no dependents of any kind.

Can you give me one reason why I should have my life insured?

Frankly, I can't.

- Oh, life insurance is immoral. - What?

Oh, I mean, life insurance is immortal.

Oh, throw him out.

Uh, put him in the show as a comic.

Wait a minute, J.J.

Mr. Peek, can you give Mr. Hobart

some figures and statistics?

I'm a sick man. I'm going the doctor's.

Now, wait a minute, J.J.

Mr. Peek, will you

can you give us something definite about insurance?

- Well, I.. - Now, just a moment.

Mr. Peek has something else to say.

Yeah, life insurance is immortal.

That's all he has to say.

Oh, no, no.

Life insurance is triumphant.

I'm having one of my dizzy spells.

Give me a glass of water.

But, J.J., think of your responsibilities.

I have no responsibilities.

I don't give a darn about anybody.

You, you, and you included.

Not even your own family?

I have no family.

He's right.

Mr. Peek has hit the nail right on the head.

'You have a family, J.J.' 'A family of millions.'

- Millions? - Millions?

Millions who've followed the fortunes

of J.J. Hobart and the theater.

The audiences of America, they are your responsibility.

And after you've gone, after we've all gone..

...audiences will still cling to the tradition of J.J. Hobart.

'And that is your responsibility J.J., tradition.'

Well...maybe.

When the captain goes over the side for the last time

life insurance takes the wheel.

'And brings the ship safely into port.'

Well..

I'll take a policy in the name of the company, and..

What do I do? What have you got, young man?

Have you heard about our special $100 a month income plan?

Alright, I'll take it.

Mr. Peek, we had been thinking of a straight life policy.

'Straight life for $1 million.'

What's this?

Did you say one million dollars?

'That's what I said.'

That's what I thought you said.

Umm, have you any application blanks?

Hmm?

Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir.

- Well, I did have some here. - What?

- My briefcase, I had it.. - Here, here, here it is.

Oh, yeah. I never leave without it.

Wait a minute, this looks like it.

Yeah, yeah, Now, now, you're not fooling me, are you?

Why, certainly not, young man.

'Alright, alright. Shall we begin?'

Oh, come on, come on.

Gotta have your name and address.

You know both.

Hey, uh, you said one million dollars, didn't you?

Give me this.

There you are, J.J. Sign there.

There you are, young man.

Mr. Peek, your pen.

Thank you.

A million dollars.

Wow!

Wow! A million bucks! A million bucks!

Men, on my way up here, I said to myself

"I'll bet this has been a tough day."

'It's like that sometimes.'

'But don't worry, tomorrow's another day.'

- 'Anybody land anything?' - Here you are, Mr. Callahan.

Well, fast nickels are better than slow dollars.

'Volume, that's what counts.'

Hey, Andy.

Now, Peek, don't say it.

Remember, the world hates a quitter.

Yeah, but, Andy, I..

The Mongrel's hold may slip

but only crowbars loose the bulldog's grip.

'Now, listen, my boy.'

'I too have known discouragement, but..'

What's that?

That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Oh.

Oh. Wow!

Come here, everybody.

Wow! Jumping sea lions!

- You know what he's done? - No, what?

He's brought in an application for one million dollars.

Let's see it. Let's see it.

Somebody go to my desk and get that bottle.

- Drinks for everybody. - What's the matter?

Peek's just knocked over the biggest case in history.

One million dollars, look.

Oh. Oh, Ross, I'm so proud of you.

'Here you are, Andy.'

Peek, here, have yourself a drink.

To Rosmer Peek.

The best gosh darned salesman

that ever stepped into this agency.

Hurray!

Rossi, you're in clover for the rest of your life.

Come on, tell us about it. Boys, stand back. Come on, Rossi.

Well, I-I was just sitting here--

Here, have another drink.

Yeah, yeah.

- Well, to tell the truth-- - Come on, give us the lowdown.

Shut up and let him tell it. Go on.

Oh, well, I've been working here five months.

You hear that? Five months.

That's perseverance. Five months on one case.

Here, have another drink.

Well, I went in there..

- 'Cold?' - Cold turkey?

- I didn't know a soul. - Just felt your way along?

- That's right, but I went. - You hear that?

Get up there and tell us how you did it.

Alright, alright.

Well, I went in there, and I got Wetherford.

- He's the vice president. - You see?

Right at the top. That's the stuff. Have another drink.

And then..

Then he said, he'd speak to Hobart.

But I says, "No, no, I'll do the talking."

'Then I went into Hobart's office.'

He had a great big desk, 14 feet wide.

I sat down, made myself very, very comfortable.

Looked him in the eye and shook my finger on his face

and I says, "Hobart.." No, I didn't either.

I says, "J.J.."

- Those are his initials. - You hear that?

Personality. Make him your pal.

I says, "J.J., if you don't know

"what you're doing it's not my fault.

'"Here's a policy worked out to the last detail.'

"Now you can sign it, do yourself a favor

or stew in your own juice."

- And he signed it? - No, no.

I says, "J. J, you don't realize there're millions of people

"depending upon you for entertainment.

"The audiences of America, J.J., that is your family.

"A family of fifty million people.

"That is your responsibility!

'It's a tradition.'"

- 'That got him.' - And he signed?

- Like a baby. - Like a baby.

He may be old and baldheaded, but he signed like a baby.

Say, Rosmer, did you say old and baldheaded?

Oh, Rosmer, how old is he?

- Fifty-nine. - Fifty-nine?

- He won't pass the medical. - Huh?

Wait a minute, I know a guy who passed, and he was 68.

Yeah, passed out.

He may not pass the medical. Oh..

Get a doctor.

- How does your head feel now? - Oh, terrible.

Just like somebody was poking at it with a nut pick.

Thanks for taking me to dinner.

Did I take you to dinner?

Oh, Ross, will you stop worrying about J.J?

You've given up hope before they've examined him.

So what?

You're quitting, that's what. And I hate a quitter.

Hey, wait a minute.

You ought to read a book or something about perseverance.

- How men succeed. - Well, I have.

- Been reading books all week. - Oh, yeah?

- Just finished one Saturday. - What's the name?

Well, it was a swell one and it was called Mutual Attraction.

- Mutual Attraction? - Uh-huh.

It's all-it's all about love and how to find one's mate.

- Eight easy lessons. - Oh.

Look, look. When I hold your hands, how do you feel?

- Silly. - When I put my arm around you?

I can't tell with only one arm.

- Now, what's the reaction? - Dithery.

- Now? - Is this the seventh lesson?

- Uh-huh. - What's the eighth?

- Oh.. - What's the matter?

- The page was torn out. - Oh.

- Quitter. - No, I'm not.

- I mean, about Mr. Hobart. - Oh.

You know, if you'd convince yourself

that he'd pass the medical, he would.

If he doesn't, what are you gonna lose?

A lot of money. And, baby, I need it.

When a fellow's thinking about asking a girl to marry him

he ought to have money.

Are you thinking of asking a girl to marry you?

Well, I was if I could get a little bank account.

Where there's love, is money necessary?

I don't think so even if you do.

Well, I hate to be mercenary

but I've gotta disagree with you.

? Oh baby what I couldn't do ?

? With plenty of money and you ?

? In spite of the worry that money brings ?

? Just a little filthy lucre buys a lot of things ?

? And I could take you to places you'd like to go ?

? But outside of that I've no use for dough ?

? It's the root of all evil of strife and upheaval ?

? But I'm certain honey ?

? That life could be sunny ?

? With plenty of money and you ?

? It's the root of all evil of strife and upheaval ?

? But I'm certain honey ?

? That life could be sunny ?

? With plenty of money and you ?

? With plenty of money and you ??

Right this way, doctors.

Right this way.

Excuse me, excuse me.

- Good morning, miss. - Good morning.

Remember, I was here yesterday.

Yes, I remember you.

Well, these are the doctors to examine Mr. Hobart.

He isn't in. He may not be down

this morning, he isn't feeling well.

Always the little kidder, you know?

- Did you say-- - Don't pay attention to her.

'She couldn't live if she didn't have her little joke.'

J.J.

Oh, Mr. Hobart, Mr. Hobart.

Yes, sir, everything is all set. The doctors are here.

We're here for the medical checkup, as you know.

Come back in a month.

Always clowning. You know, how these show people are.

Oh, Mr. Wethered, these are the doctors here

to examine Mr. Hobart.

Oh, yes. Come right in, gentlemen.

Alright, doctors.

The doctors, J.J.

Send them away, I don't feel good.

Now, J.J., that isn't fair.

Good morning, J.J.

Dr. MacDuffy, Dr. Henry, Dr. Bell, Dr. Warshof.

Seeing you, Mr. Hobart, I would say

this examination was a mere formality.

Oh.

Which however, has to be done.

Well, let's begin.

Come, J.J.

Come on.

- Sit right here, J.J. - I don't feel good.

Now, Mr. Hobart, have you ever been treated

for any disease or disturbances of, answer separately.

The brain, nerves, nose, tonsils, throat, lungs

heart, blood vessels, stomach, liver.

- Hay or rose fever? - No.

Skin, bones, glands, gout, rheumatism

tuberculosis, diabetes, epilepsy, vertigo, dizzy spells?

No.

Maimed or deformed? Do you use intoxicants of any kind?

Do you ever travel in tropical countries?

- Yes. - No!

No!

Let's proceed.

Alright, just stand up, J.J.

Good heavens, you're-you're not gonna operate, are you?

I'm afraid not. Come on, down you go.

Careful now. Careful, J.J., careful.

Upsy-daisy, up you go.

There.

You'd think I was a prize bull in the county fair.

- Please. - Now, J.J., don't worry.

It'll be over in a few minutes.

Shh.

Shh.

- Gentlemen, you concur? - Absolutely.

- Yeah, well, it's about time. - One moment, please.

No, you can agree with them or get out.

Please, Mr. Hobart.

- No. - Do this 10 times, rapidly.

Hello.

It's for you, Mr. Peek.

Oh, uh, excuse me.

Hello. Oh, oh, hello, Norma.

We can't wait any longer.

Is he passing?

Well, so far, yes, but we're not through.

I'll let you know. Keep your fingers crossed. Goodbye.

- What did he say? - Practically nothing.

- 'Say, "Ah."' - Ah.

Ah. Ah!

- Say 99. - Ninety nine.

- Ninety nine. - Ninety nine.

Breathe, deeply.

That will be all, gentlemen.

Take it easy, J.J.

Alright, alright.

There you are.

Give me one of my pills.

I'm having a dizzy spell.

Now, buck up, J.J., everything's gonna be alright.

Oh, doctor.

Doctor, how was it? Did he pass?

You'll get your report in the usual way.

Here you are, J.J.

Ow!

What's the matter? What's the matter?

Ever since those doctors have been here

I've had the most awful pain in this arm.

'What..'

Hey, you forgot your inner tube.

He didn't pass.

Oh, Andy..

Oh, Andy, oh.

'Hey, Andy, here's another one.'

An error.

Pennsylvania, one million dollars.

Uh, no, I mean, this is..

This is J.J. Hobart's office.

No, I didn't mean that. Err.. No, no, we sell insurance.

I don't blame him.

Take it, Andy.

Hello?

No.

Yes.

Yes. I see.

Oh, doc, for the love of Pete, don't give me technicalities.

Tell me, did he pass?

Wow! He passed.

Hurray!

Oh, Boop, stick around, will you? I feel funny.

Let an old timer give an advice, not that you need it.

But get this.

J.J. Hobart is your meal ticket.

The longer he lives, the more you earn.

But if anything happens to him, your income stops.

Remember, stay close to him.

- Stay close to him? - Yeah, that's right.

Let me see.

"Health, exercise, diet

weight control, life begins at fo.."

- How old is he? - Fifty nine.

"Life Begins at 40, Life.."

Here it is. "Life Begins at 59."

Now, remember, stay close to him.

- Hey, Boop, you want a job? - Sure.

You're night shift, 10 percent goes to you.

Stay close to that fellow. Stay in his pocket.

I'll surround him.

Hello, get me the Hobart Theatre.

Hello? What?

He passed. He passed the medical.

He did?

Hold the wire.

He passed.

Say, listen, Peek, could you get that policy over to my place

on Long Island tonight?

You could?

Fine. And say, bring your girl.

Yeah, bring anybody's girl. Bring all your friends.

We're gonna have a party to celebrate.

Fine then.

Gen, you're a genius.

Just don't you forget it.

- Hey, wait a minute. - 'What?'

We mustn't tell J.J.

- Why not? - Might make him feel better.

He might recuperate, so to speak.

Oh, that's right.

But we'd better have him to the party.

Oh, sure.

Swimming. Night air.

He might have a chill.

Now, what the dickens did you go to all this trouble for?

Well, J.J. passed.

I thought we ought to celebrate.

And, remember, my boy, it's not every night that we stand

on the threshold of $1 million.

Besides, you never can tell what might happen in the crowd.

What are you going to do?

Hit J.J. over the head with a club

because he's insured for a million dollars?

Why, Irene, I'm surprised at you, darling.

How can you think of such a thing?

You might just be a little bit subtle.

Well, here we are.

Let's shake the dust of 42nd Street off

of our feet and mingle with the elite.

It's too good to be true. We're not dreaming, are we?

Certainly not. Look at the moon up there.

Look at this garden, the crowd.

- Look at you. - Yeah.

- Oh, if it would only last. - I'll make it last, honey.

From now on, I've only got two people to worry about.

With you around, I'm delirious. With J.J.'s around, I'm rich.

Hope he stays around a long time.

With my care, he'll live to be a million.

Hey, Boop.

You're here for one reason. Keep an eye on J.J.

Get your mind off of everything and let me know when he arrives.

Don't worry, not even an earthquake

could move me from this duty.

We're gonna dance.

Hey, Sally. Remember me?

Why, Mr. Ogleboop.

Oglethorpe. But you may call me Boop.

May I take your hat and coat, sir?

Well, I don't know.

Darn foolishness dragging me way out here.

I don't feel good.

When will you want your car, sir?

In about 15 minutes.

I don't wanna stay long. I'm gonna get home and get to bed.

Yes, sir. I'll tell your chauffeur.

Darn fools, they'll catch their death of cold

getting wet this time of night.

Remarkable, sir, isn't it?

Hey, here's a piece here that will fit in very well

when we start hanging the crepe.

J.J.

- Evening, J.J. - Well, for heaven's sake.

What do you mean?

- Nothing, J.J. Nothing. - There's nothing wrong with us.

- Shh. - Huh? Oh.

Hey, what is this? What is it?

Look, J.J., if you don't feel alright

if you don't wanna stay..

...I'll understand perfectly.

Understand what?

Are you sure you feel alright?

Say, listen here, I--

J.J., sit down, J.J.

We were worried about you.

Of course, I don't say that if a man's face is drawn and pale

'it necessarily means anything.'

'No, it may be something unimportant, like pneumonia'

'or something like that.'

Say, I thought I felt pretty good.

Good heavens.

What is it now?

Why, it's says here in this paper

that Stanley J. MacNeil dropped dead.

Stan MacNeil? Why, I saw him only last week.

Well, after all, he was getting on uh..

- How old does it say he was? - Fifty eight.

- Well, ripe old age. - Yeah.

What did he die of?

Overwork.

Just because old man MacNeil dies

I suppose you think I'm next.

Can I get you a glass of water or something?

- No. - Don't you want a pill?

No. I think I better go inside and lie down for a moment.

Now, wait, wait, wait, J.J.

Look, look, you're all perspiring.

Here, you come right over here

and sit down where there's a breeze.

That's it. Right in there.

There you are.

Ahh..

Well, J.J., congratulations! Congratulations!

- For what? - 'Didn't they tell you?'

'You passed the examination. Perfect health.'

'Heart of a man of 35. The doctors were unanimous.'

'Said they could examine hundreds'

'before they'd find a man in your condition.'

They must've told you, didn't they?

Well, we didn't want to lead him on.

We wanted to be sure there wasn't any mistake.

- Say, I'm in good health, eh? - Good health?

It isn't often that Good Life runs

across such an excellent risk as you.

Doctors say you'll live to bury us all.

Mr. Peek, would you be good enough

to step over to the pool with me, please?

- Oh, yes, yes. - No, leave him alone.

I wanna talk to him. Leave us alone, go away. Go away.

Alright, but shall I send a wreath to the MacNeil home?

No.

Well, just a little one.

- Stanley J. MacNeil? - Yes.

Why, we turned him down less than a year ago.

You mean to say that your company knew--

Why, we could have predicted it to the very day.

You think I'll pull through?

Pull through? Why, you're a perfect specimen.

Sit down, young man, sit down.

I wanna talk to you. Now, tell me more.

All you gotta do is follow the Good Life health plan.

Do or die. Sink or swim. You'll live hundred years.

- It's in the cards. - What cards?

Right here. Got it all figured out for you.

Right here, right here. It says "Keep out of drafts."

What's the matter?

- You're in a draft. - Yeah? Yeah?

That's the very important thing of the Good Life health plan.

Stay out of drafts.

Is it, is it alright here?

Alright here, alright.

I might've sat over there for hours.

Young man, I like you. What's that one?

"How to Feel Like a Million. Play Games for Health."

- Play games? I never had time. - Make time.

Say, did you ever play Indian wrestling?

Is it anything like Japanese?

How should I know? Look, I'll show you.

Stand right there. Put your foot onto mine.

- Right foot? Right foot? - Yeah. Give me your hand.

Now. Now, pull.

Wow! You've got strength.

Yeah, I haven't done that for years.

What else you got there?

- "Life Begins At 59." - I thought it was 40?

- Oh, no, it's 59, in your case. - Let me see that.

Why, doggone it, it says 59.

"Life Begins At 59."

Well, why not?

Achoo!

You're still in a draft, J.J.

We better work up a little circulation.

What did you wanna invite Peek for, anyway?

To get the policy.

And why didn't you keep him away from J.J?

Oh, well, why didn't you?

Hey.

How deep is the pool at that end?

Eleven feet. Why?

I was just thinking.

Hello, baby. Am I late or hasn't anything started yet?

Gen, you're in the nick of time.

You sound like a melodrama. Why?

Peek broke the news to J.J. that he passed.

He's getting younger by the minute.

You've gotta take him in hand.

Get Peek away, or he'll have J.J. back in shape.

Ask him to dance. Keep him on his feet.

- Get him overheated. - Where is he?

- There. - Is that J.J. Hobart?

That's the guy.

That old fellow?

Morty, he's got 2 feet in the grave already.

All we've gotta do is to make him lie down in it.

Don't you worry. I'll have him pull the dirt in over him.

Good girl.

That's the boy.

With your physique, you should have been a prizefighter.

Oh, Mr. Hobart.

I can't find anyone to dance with me.

That is, I mean anyone that I would like to dance with.

Would you uh, like to dance with me?

Oh, would you really?

Would I?

Darned if life don't begin at 59.

- Knock, knock. - Who's there?

- Remember me? - Oh, yes.

You're the guy what brung me.

And a very successful guy too. Everything's all set.

J.J. Is feeling fine. I'll get my commission tomorrow

and end up by being one of the wealthy class.

It's probably time I thought about getting married.

Somewhere before, I've heard that speech.

Oh, but I mean it, with my check

we could start with a dining set.

With a bit of straining, a radio too.

If J.J. Lives a while, we could get a bedroom set--

- We better dance. - Huh?

- Oh, Norma? - Yes.

You know, I-I meant that crack about getting married.

I'm terribly in love with you.

How do people act at a time like this?

I don't know. I'm not an old hand at it myself.

We could get married, but there are things

we should talk over first.

Like what?

Like for instance, are we really in love?

We'll find that out soon enough.

- Just let's.. - Let's what?

? Let's put our heads together ?

? Is it love or is it weather ?

? How are we to know so soon ?

? With so much April ?

? And with so much moon ?

? Wise old moon ?

? Laughing at romancers ?

? He perhaps knows all the answers ?

? Let's put our heads together ?

? For with our heads together ?

? We'll know the answers too ?

- Let's, oh, let's. - Let's what?

- Put our heads together. - Oh.

Look, Morty, do you suppose that's love?

Must be the weather.

? How are we to know so soon ?

? With so much April ?

? And with so much moon ?

? Wise old moon ?

? He's laughing at romancers ?

? He perhaps knows all the answers ?

? Let's put our heads together ?

? For with our heads together ?

? We'll know the answer ?

? Let's put our heads together ?

? Is it love or is it weather ?

? How are we to know so soon ?

? With so much April ?

? And with so much moon ?

? Wise old moon ?

? He's laughing at romancers ?

? He perhaps knows all the answers ?

? Let's put our heads together ?

? For with our heads together ?

? They'll know the answers too ?

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? Speakin' of the weather it isn't the humidity it's you ?

? Come donner come blitzen ?

? Come pitter or pat ?

? What in thunder is thunder ?

? Compared to my heart when it beats like that ?

? Speakin' of the weather ?

? Speakin' of the thunder ?

? Speakin' of the lightning it's frightening dear ?

? What your eyes can do ?

? Let the heavens crash zoom and swirl ?

? Let it flash boy meets girl ?

? Oh good old weather ain't it lovely weather ?

? And incidentally I love you ?

? Let the heavens crash zoom and swirl ?

? Let it flash boy meets girl ?

? Speakin' of the weather good old weather ?

? Ain't it lovely weather and incidentally ?

? I love you ?

Look.

- How do you feel? - Oh, I'm hot. I'm burning up.

You'd better come into the house, J.J.

Right this way. Here, right this way.

You just probably got yourself a little bit overheated.

Alright. There you go.

- Help. - Help.

Not so loud.

- Help. - Help.

Help! Help! Help!

- It's J.J. - Help me!

Help. Help!

- J.J., J.J., I'll save you. - Help!

Hold on, J.J., hold on.

I'll save you, J.J., I'll save you. I'll save you, J.J.

Nice work, Rosmer, nice work.

- Take it easy. - Hold my hand.

Boop, come in here and earn your 10 percent.

- Come in, earn your 10 percent. - To the rescue.

Alright. Come on, J.J. Give me your hand.

Take it easy. Take it easy.

Take it easy, J.J. Alright, take it easy.

Take it easy. Take it easy.

- Somebody pushed me. - Take it easy.

Are you alright, J.J.? Are you alright? Are you alright?

Oh, young man, I wanna thank you for saving my life.

You're a hero. I won't forget it.

That's alright, J.J. That's alright.

But are you alright, Mr. Hobart?

Yes. No. I don't know.

But I tell you, somebody pushed me.

Now, J.J., listen, that's impossible.

Hugo and I were right behind you.

- Why, yes - That's right.

- You could have seen anybody.. - 'Certainly.'

Come right into the house.

Careful, boys.

Any other man in the world of his age

would've come out of that pool a walking case of pneumonia.

But not J.J.

He took it like a medicinal bath.

He's been in there all day with Peek and that other guy.

What do you suppose they're doing?

How should I know?

Wee-pee!

Come on, young man. Give me some opposition.

What's that?

It sounds like something in J.J.'s office.

'Wee-pee!'

Come on, maybe something's happened to him.

- Oh, hello, boys. - I must say..

- How does it stand now, Rossie? - 18 to six. How're you, fellas?

Look, J.J., there are several matters that are very important.

You can talk to my new general manager about them later.

- Your new.. - General manager?

- That's me. - You mean Peek?

Run along now, we're busy. Go on, go on.

A couple of sissies.

J.J., I wanna thank you for what you have done for me.

Forget it, young man, I like you.

I'm through with this game.

Need something strenuous. I know. Let's wrestle.

But, now, J.J. Now, wait. Wait. Careful, careful.

I'd like to bust that guy, Peek, right in the nose.

You know, if he keeps this up, he'll have J.J. in short pants.

What do you mean? He is in short pants.

Well, we'll have him in diapers next

if we don't do something about it.

Now what are they doing?

Now, they are playing Leapfrog.

Well, if my brother-in-law had handled this..

Oh drat, your brother-in-law.

We've got to find a way to make J.J. old again.

As old as time, so that his teeth fall out

and his hands shake.

Hello.

Yes. Send her in.

Listen.

What makes a man crack up?

- Oh, trouble? Relations? - No.

Mr. Hugo, I give you Genevieve.

- There he is. - Now, you know what to do?

Yes.

If she doesn't, she's changed a lot in the last few days.

Oh, it's so hard to be good under the capitalistic system.

- I beg your pardon. - Oh, not at all.

I remember you. Why, you're Mr. Hobart, aren't you?

And you're the whirling dervish.

Yes. I'm so sorry. You know, I didn't know this was your place.

- You'll forgive me, won't you? - Well, I think I might.

Do you mind if I sit down? I'm so tired.

- I've been walking so long. - Walking?

Oh, it's so hard being a debutante.

Oh, you're one of those?

Yes. And you know what debutantes do?

No. What?

Well, going around seeing people

about all sorts of worthy causes.

Of course, I don't mind the going around part.

That gives me something to do. And since mother..

- Oh, what is it, tag day? - Oh, yes.

Yes. And I can't do it. I really can't.

You know, some girls have gone over their quota three times.

'But I can't do a thing like that, unless I like the man.'

Oh, of course. Huh?

Well, it's alright for Mrs. Quimby

Mrs. Sage Quimby to tell us how to do it.

But after all, all she has to do is tell us.

Exactly. Huh?

You see, the last time we had tag day

Mrs. Quimby got the idea

of having a kissing booth in the bazaar.

'Then she thought that if we girls went out in public'

'and did what the girls did in the booth'

we'd sell more tags, you see?

She made me promise, and, oh, I just can't do it.

No, that's alright, I'll buy a tag, and you..

...you don't have to kiss me unless you want to.

Oh, but I promised Mrs. Quimby.

Well, that does complicate things, doesn't it?

You don't like this kissing business

and Mrs. Quimby says you have to, huh?

Oh, oh, I didn't say I didn't like it.

Oh, no. No.

I just said that I couldn't do a thing like that

unless I really meant it.

I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.

Oh, but I mustn't take up any more of your time.

No, no, no, sit down. I'd like to straighten things out.

Now, suppose instead of you kissing me

I kiss you on the hand, say..

Or on the cheek, maybe, huh?

And then, you could tell Mrs. uh, what's-her-name

that everything's alright.

- Oh, how much are the tags? - Five dollars. Six for $25.

I'll take six.

There you are.

Now then..

- Oh.. - What's the matter?

I've never been kissed like that in all my life.

Well..

Oh, I think I could kiss you and mean it.

Yes.

Yes, I'm going to do what Mrs. Quimby told me.

She's breaking my heart, but she's reaching her quota.

Good morning, uh, afternoon, everybody.

Alright. Hold it, everybody, hold it.

Hello, boys. Everything all ready?

Why, certainly.

I declare, if it isn't nice Mr. Wethered and Mr. Hugo too.

- Good afternoon, gentlemen. - Yes, to be sure.

- Mr. Hugo and Mr. Wethered. - How do you do?

- A pleasure. - Likewise.

Miss Larkin's got some great ideas for the show.

- Oh, is that so? - Yeah.

Oh, by the way, I want you to double Sally and Irene's salary.

Now, listen here, J.J..

Fix Miss Larkin up with an expense account.

- Mr. Hobart. - Yeah?

Couple of gentlemen outside wanna see you.

One man says he's your general manager.

Excuse me a minute, folks? I'll be right back.

- Morris. - Yes?

- Break for 15 minutes. - Just a moment, Miss Larkin.

Now, if you will just step this way.

We'll take up that little matter of the expense account.

- Good act, Gen. - I beg your pardon?

You can let your hair down, and you could call me Morty too.

- I really couldn't do that. - Hey, what is this?

I don't like your tone either, Mr. Hugo.

Cut out the act, Gen.

What we wanna know is, have you been seeing J.J. regularly?

- That's a personal question. - We got a right to be personal.

Who picked you for this job?

- Job? - We made an agreement.

You were supposed to run J.J. ragged.

How can you even think of such a thing?

J.J.'s one of the finest men I've known.

I wouldn't do the least little thing to hurt him.

- Not the least little bit. - Are you double-crossing us?

You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

After all the nice things he's going to do for you too.

- For us? - For us?

Yes. Yes, he's thinking of transferring

you both to the Pittsburg Theatres.

Gen, I don't know what you're up to

but if you don't go through with this as agreed

I'm gonna tell J.J. the whole story.

The whole story? Oh, no. No, I don't think so.

You wouldn't want J.J. to think you weren't loyal to him

would you?

And dear Mr. Wethered, you will remember

about that expense account, won't you?

Double-crossed by a fan dancer.

Come in, boys, come in. Now, make yourself right at home.

Them is kind words, Mr. Hobart.

I've got a lot of swell ideas for the show.

Yeah? Well, we'll talk about those later.

Right now, I have something else on my mind.

- Oh, where Genevieve? - She went to her dressing room.

- Oh, thanks. Excuse me, boys. - Okay.

Hey, Boop, what's the first thing a general manager does?

Well, if you don't know, I'm not gonna tell you.

- You mind if I sit down? - Of course not, darling.

I've been wondering what's been keeping you.

Sort of miss you when you're not around

and I wanted to have a talk with you.

Jackie, you're an old darling.

You know, when I met you, I think I fell into something.

You certainly did. The swimming pool.

No, I don't mean that.

There's something about you I like.

I don't know what it is, but I..

...I get a great kick out of doing things for you.

I want you to know that I appreciate everything

you do for me, too, Jackie.

You know, Gen, all the years, when I..

...didn't have anybody

this theater has been my only home.

I guess I was lonely. I didn't know it.

I'd grown into a cross, cranky old dum-dum.

And you came along.

You done me a lot of good, Gen.

Made me think about lotta things I never thought of before.

And I...I haven't been lonely.

Now, I'm-I'm grateful to you, Gen.

Oh, you shouldn't be grateful to me, J.J.

Oh, yes, I should.

You made me feel young all over again.

And I'm going on, and do bigger things for your sake.

- J.J., you're crazy. - No, I'm only serious.

And I mean it all decently, Gen.

Yes, I know you do. That's just the trouble.

- Why? - Well..

You make me so ashamed of myself.

J.J., I'm not what I pretended to be.

I know that.

You didn't fool me any about being a debutante and all that.

But that doesn't matter.

What really does matter is, I've grown terribly fond of you.

Oh, J.J., you're an old darling

that everybody's taking advantage of.

Who's taking advantage of me?

Oh, those precious partners of yours, Wethered and Hugo.

Why do you think they had you insured?

Why, my responsibilities, my family of 50 million.

Your family, my foot.

They insured you because they thought you'd fold up

and they could collect the policy and save their skins.

They sicced me on you to wear you down.

That's the kinda partners you've been good to

and the kind of a girl you've been grateful to.

- But why? Why did they do this? - Because they're broke.

They played with the firm's money and they're broke.

They haven't enough to put on the show.

The last dime they had

they put on the premium of your insurance policy.

You mean, I'm broke?

Yes, J.J. Oh, I'm sorry, honestly.

After I got to know you, I liked you so much

I tried to tell you, but I just couldn't get it out.

I'm-I'm broke!

J.J.!

J.J.!

Oh, J.J.

Help! Help.

Help. Help!

- What's happened? - J.J.'s had a stroke.

- Where? Where is he? - Oh, come quick in here.

- J.J. - J.J.

Come on, crowd around, girls. Don't give him any air.

Oh, J.J., what's the matter? J.J. Boop, get a doctor.

Get an ambulance. Hurry, hurry.

Alright, stand back.

How did it happen?

Genevieve told him he was broke.

Oh, why didn't we think of that?

- You may come in now. - Thank you.

Just the four of you, and don't stay too long.

Yes.

Oh, J.J. darling.

- How do you feel? - Terrible.

- Oh, I'm so sorry. - Oh, now, please, Gen.

Please, don't. It isn't your fault.

Don't worry, J.J. We're with you.

Don't forget, J.J., life begins at 59.

Remember, Mr. Hobart, the mongrel's hole may slip

but only crowbars loose the bulldog's grip.

Oh, you and your crowbars.

Oh, let me alone, let me die in peace.

J.J., don't say that. That's not the right spirit.

No, sir. You've just gotta get better.

Especially before your next premium comes due.

What's the use? What have I got to live for?

Why, everything, everything, J.J.

You're just in the prime of life. You're at the peak.

Why, you'll soon be the old hard-fisted

fire-eating producer again.

'Think of your responsibilities.'

'Think of the audiences of America.'

'The millions of them. Think of posterity.'

Well, you can't let them down.

You may be broke, but you've got us. We'll get together

and put you back on your feet where you belong.

We'll put you on your feet with the greatest show you ever saw.

'With the greatest show anybody saw.'

'We'll have millions standing on their feet'

'cheering the name of J.J. Hobart.'

- There he goes again. - J.J., J.J.

- Oh, J.J., darling. - J.J.

- Please, you have to leave. - J.J.

- Is he alright? - Well, he's terrible.

In terrible shape.

- Rosmer, how we gonna do? - Yes, how're we gonna do it?

I don't know now.

Attention, girls.

I suppose that you're all aware of the distressing position

that Mr. Hobart has placed us in.

So there's scarcely any need of going into it any further.

I can only say on behalf of Mr. Hugo and myself

that we're extremely sorry.

You know how close J.J. was to us.

And the fact that he could place us in this unfortunate situation

wounds us deeply.

Nevertheless, I'm forced to announce

that rehearsals will be discontinued.

Wait.

Take care of them, Boop.

- What's the meaning of this? - Shut your face, or I will.

- This is an outrage. - Keep quiet.

- Yes, keep quiet. - Boys and girls.

I don't know what you've been told.

But it's no fault of J.J.'s that this show's on the rocks.

His only mistake was in trusting the financial matters

of this company to these two crooks here.

I just came from the hospital

where J.J. is flat on his back

holding on to one thread

with the hope that this show will open

and get him outta the hole that these two put him in.

I promised him that we'd put the show on.

I don't know exactly how it's gonna be done

but it's got to be done, because it means his life.

So it's up to us. Now, the cast has walked out.

But if you'll stick, I know we can put it on.

And now, if you feel a sense of loyalty

to a grand old man of the theater

here's your chance to give help when he needs it.

- Are you with us? - Sure.

Swell. Then there's one thing to be done first.

Ten thousand dollars? Do you think I'm crazy?

Andy, I always did think you were a bit cracked.

Now I think you're completely gone. Which'd you rather do?

Put $10,000 in the show, or pay out one million in insurance?

- Maybe he won't die. - But he will.

If this show doesn't go on

he's the guy that'll glory in his grave.

There be no peace for the loved ones.

Only the wailing of an insurance company

to the tune of one million smackers.

How did I ever get in this?

Well, never mind how you got in it. Get out of it.

You wouldn't take $5000, would you?

Ten thousand, or one million.

This used to be great business in the old days.

Optimism, that's what you need. Do or die.

Sink or swim.

Ah, shut up.

Wouldn't Reginald make a marvelous impresario?

It would be too thrilling to have him

actually in show business.

Maybe Reginald will let us exhibit him in the lobby.

Now, you just write out a check, honey.

And we'll take care of everything.

And what's more, I might tell Aunt Matilda

what happened that time you got drunk in Cleveland.

Certainly, Boop. Glad to help out.

I had forgotten about Cleveland.

Hello, darling. I have a marvelous surprise for you.

You're going in show business.

No, not me. You.

I'm gonna let you be an angel.

And, honey, the scenery will only cost $10,000.

It isn't exactly a charity, darling.

Just make it out to the Hobart Theatre.

'Oh, honey, I forgot to tell you.'

'I sold your automobile this morning.'

And we're all gonna chip in everything we have.

Hello? Yes.

You better give me a check, or there will be

three at your house for dinner tonight.

You, your wife and me.

- Come on, hurry up, will you? - Boop.

- Hello, babe. - When are we gonna get married?

- My mother wants to know. - Now, don't you worry.

If this show's a hit, we'll get married or something.

We'll get married or nothing.

Hey, Milt, don't forget that floodlight comes in on cue.

- I'll take care of it. - Thanks.

- Hello, sweetheart. - Is everything alright?

I think so. Angel's wings didn't come.

Mule refuses to be painted like a zebra.

Second act scenery got rained on. Character's got hiccups.

Dancer can't find his tights or partner.

Outside of that, everything's alright.

Don't worry, Ross. The show's gonna be swell.

It better be. You know what it'll mean if it's a flop?

- What it'll mean to J.J.? - It can't flop.

Don't even think of it. Think of the audiences of America.

Think of the millions that will be there standing and cheering.

Think of posterity. Oh, Ross, I'm so scared.

No, don't be scared. It's a good show and you look swell.

You can't miss. You're a woman of destiny like Joan of Arc.

Yeah. But, honey, they burned her.

I'm surprised at you breaking up so.

I just couldn't help it. It was so moving.

So touching and beautiful.

I've never seen a ceremony like that before.

Answer the phone.

- Hello? - Hello. Is Mr. Hobart there?

No. They've-they've all gone.

- They've all gone? Who? - The reporters and everybody.

The reporters? What's the matter?

Something wrong with Mr. Hobart?

Yes. He..He..

- Oh, Mr. Hobart has gone on? - Yes.

Oh.

- Ross, what's the matter? - Old J.J. is gone.

- You mean he's.. - Fifteen minutes.

- We can't put the show on now. - Of course not.

- Fifteen minutes. - Hey, wait a minute. Kids.

Kids, come here, will you? Come here.

The whole thing's called off. There's not gonna be any show.

Call and tell them to give the money back.

What's the matter? Are you crazy?

No, I'm not crazy. We can't put the show on.

You see, old J.J. Hobart is gone.

- Gone? - Well, he..

- J.J. - Mr. Hobart.

- Mr. Hobart. - J.J.

- Are we glad to see you. - Hello, folks.

Well, you did it, didn't you? Good work.

And now, I have some broadcasting to do.

This is J.J. Hobart speaking.

We had the ceremony performed in the hospital.

And I felt so good about it, I had to come over and tell you.

I want you to meet, Mrs. J.J. Hobart.

- Congratulations. - Congratulations.

Well, say, what about the show? It's late, isn't it?

That's right. You get into your costume.

- The curtain goes up on time. - Come on, everybody.

Here we go. Boy, are we glad to see you.

Darling, I'm afraid this excitement will be too much.

Maybe we better go back to the hospital.

Hospital, nothing. Here. Take this thing away.

After the show, we're going out to a nightclub.

Life begins at 59.

- Don't forget that, Gen. - That's the curtain.

? The soldiers of the world can conquer you ?

? With powder and with steel ?

? The women of the world can do the same ?

? With charm and sex appeal ?

? A soldier must be patriotic ?

? A woman's got to be exotic ?

? A kiss is deadly as the cannon's roar ?

? In fact I fear it more ?

? than warfare ?

? The battlefield's a rocking chair ?

? Look out look out for all is fair in love and war ?

? Just like a bombshell from the air ?

? A kiss can blow you up beware of love and war ?

? Two arms can squeeze you senseless ?

? You're defenseless in the dark ?

? Two eyes two brown or blue eyes ?

? If they do invite you they'll dynamite you ?

? And with your back against the wall ?

? She marches you to City Hall and leads you through the door ?

? And then the deed is done her victory is won ?

? For love is just like war ?

? The battlefield's a rocking chair ?

? Look out, look out for all is fair in love and war ?

? Just like a bombshell from the air ?

? A kiss can blow you up beware of love and war ?

? Two arms can squeeze you senseless ?

? You're defenseless in the dark ?

? Two eyes two brown or blue eyes ?

? If they do invite you they'll dynamite you ?

? And with your back against the wall ?

? She marches you to City Hall and leads you through the door ?

? And then the deed is done her victory is won ?

? For love is just like war ?

? If I could snare some millionaire ?

? I'd have a lovely love affair ?

? For he's the kind of man I could adore ?

? Oh yes yes I wouldn't care if he's a wreck ?

? As long as he could sign a check ?

? And keep the wolf away from my front door ?

? I'd be willing to take my chances ?

? If his finances were okay I'd make him pay ?

? Or am I too brutal? Maybe. ?

? I'd encourage his bold advances ?

? If he got reckless I'd get a necklace ?

? Diamonds and things ?

? A nice old man with lots of wealth ?

? Who isn't in the best of health ?

? Who could ask for more? See what I mean ?

? A sudden love attack ?

? And I'd have all his jack ?

? For love is just like war ?

? The battlefield's a rocking chair ?

? Look out look out for all is fair in love and war ?

? A smile may be the camouflage ?

? That comes before the big barrage ?

? In love and war ?

? Drilling can be so thrilling if you're willing to obey ?

? Round you her arms surround you ?

? Though you may maneuver you'll never move her ?

? If you escape the rocking chair ?

? Then you deserve a Croix de Guerre ?

? Or two or three or four ?

? And after you've been kissed I know that you'll enlist ?

? For love is just like war ??

? And with your back against the wall ?

? She marches you to City Hall ?

? And leads you through the door ?

? And then the deed is done her victory is won ?

? For love is just ?

? Like ?

? War ??