Original subtitles

d Mister Lister d

d Mister Lister d

Nothing?

It's okay, honey, just come.

What?

It's okay.

Do you want to get high?

No, I don't have any.

I'm not calling my mom, so just come.

Really, it's fine.

Sorry.

Aw.

Are you bored?

I mean, I guess maybe a little.

Wow, that sucks.

It doesn't mean anything, D.

I mean, it's just what happens.

Wow, that sucks.

It's like, I still love you.

So what do we do?

d Nous sommes le nous, nous sommes le nous d

d Nous sommes le nous d

d Nous sommes le nous d

- Whoo! - Whoo!

Smoke and mirrors!

This is my blind boyfriend.

He's a mirror. I'm a cigarette.

d He is the he d

d She is the she d

d We are the d

d We are the we d

d We are the we d

d Nous sommes le nous, nous sommes le nous d

d We are the we d

d We are the we d

d Nous sommes le nous, nous sommes le nous d

d We are the we d

d Nous sommes le nous, nous sommes le nous d

d We are the we d

d We are the we d

I feel like we have to take half the week off,

if we're really going to do this, you know?

We-we can't half-ass it,

or else what are we accomplishing?

Okay, that's fine.

Then let's set it.

But I don't want it to be random.

Okay.

Monday, Wednesday, Saturday.

Are those off or on?

On.

Three days?

And Thursday.

What about Tuesday?

I want to watch the Idol with you.

Oh, fuck, you're right.

- Ready? - Ready.

- Oh! - Sucker!

Go ahead, your pick: Days on.

Tuesday, Saturday.

Wait, wait, one at a time.

Okay, Saturday.

What happened to Tuesday?

Why would I pick it when I know what you're gonna pick?

I only have two picks. You pick, go.

Tuesday, Idol.

Um, Monday, since we're dark.

Friiiiii-Thursday.

It's Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday.

- Final answer? - Final answer.

This is exciting.

Write your own.

All right.

Done.

There are many things wrong with you.

Would you like me to list them?

Want me to list them?

Okay, what do you got?

Okay.

Being proactive.

Check.

Um, really sticking to our days off.

No chance in hell. Check.

Okay, what do you have?

Strip clubs.

Trying new things.

Is that the same as growth?

I had them separate.

Okay, um, okay.

No calling on days off.

Your loss.

And being independent.

And that is very key, Daryl.

Listen, you can't use my Netflix queue.

I know I've got a big queue, but-

- Very funny, Daryl.

Also, I like to walk on the west side of the street,

and we can't be on G-chat anymore.

You're always on!

I'll fix that.

Fine, I get Whole Foods.

Overpriced.

I get all city parks.

- Daryl. - Okay, fine.

I get Madison Square Park from 2:00 to 4:00.

I'm going to need time to write.

All right. Anything we left off?

I think that's everything.

Let's get to Kinko's and laminate.

Sweet.

Oh, yeah.

Honey?

What?

What do I put on my Facebook?

Put whatever you want.

Wait, you're on Facebook?

Yeah.

What?

When did you put yourself on Facebook?

Honey, MySpace is kind of dead.

Really?

Okay, I picked you up out of the dirt

when you were nothing.

You're not a man.

You're a child, the epitome of classlessness.

How could you do this to me, Korny?

Okay.

Okay, good, now do it with conviction this time.

Really own it.

Okay, I picked you out of the dirt

when you were fucking nothing, a piece of shit.

You're not a man.

You're a fucking little boy.

- Easy. - You're a fucking epitome of-

- What is it? - Olasslessness.

Olasslessness.

How could you do this to me, Korny? Korny?

How could you fucking do this to me, Korny?

You're fucking fired.

You're fired.

Okay, here, take that.

All right, I'll see you later.

Book that commercial.

Great, thanks.

All right.

Okay, next.

Time for your picture.

Right here.

Excellent.

Nice.

Great, thanks.

They're four heads above me.

They look at me like I'm an alien,

like I have fucking leprosy.

I'm gonna call immigration services.

I'm not kidding.

Can you get me some numbers?

They think they're actresses.

They're not fucking actresses.

They're models with their fucking big books,

their fucking long legs,

talking on their fancy cell phones.

They got so much money from all the men

that shower them with gifts, for what, for what?

For being tall?

Give me a gift for being short.

I know, honey, it's terrible.

It's like, I got a prettier face.

They're dogfaces.

They're dogfaces with their long legs.

Dogfaces and fucking giraffe legs.

Immigrants, yeah, immigrants.

Minotaurs:

Half beast, half woman.

Try out the copy on me.

Yeah, Okay.

We had nothing after the floods came.

There you are!

- Hi. - Hi.

Thanks again.

Yeah, my pleasure.

I'll see you tomorrow.

- Bye. - Bye.

- Bye-bye. - Bye.

Come on.

What's up?

Sorry I'm late.

Let's go.

Let's go.

What's up, boys?

Oh, snap.

What are you guys doing here?

I'm here to fuck your friend.

No, I'm here for the art.

I'll fuck anybody.

Oh, my God.

Honey, look at that.

It's nice.

There are so many.

So this is his first foray into art.

Oh, yeah?

You know, I'm taking my entire kitchen

to the International House for this performance piece.

What is that, like a- like a onesie?

A onesie?

See, I told you it was going to work out.

- Wuzzup. - What are you doing?

Did you just touch me?

Um, yeah?

Don't touch me.

Okay.

Sorry.

Oh, that's really nice.

Good guy.

Really classy stuff.

All right, night's over.

So how's work?

Fine.

Anything exciting?

Daryl, it's dentistry.

I look into people's mouths for a living.

Right.

So I think I'm going to be home more.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, Zoe and me-

- Hey, that's great.

You can help me with the computer.

What?

Yeah, I can't get the photos-

You know, I can't get the photos off the digital camera,

so you can help me.

That's terrific.

That's it, just squat down and stand.

And then go ahead and bring your arms up.

We're going to go into downward dog.

Zoe?

Honey, I can't talk right now, okay?

I'm on my way to rehearsal.

Talk to you later, bye.

Tolan!

I can't talk right now.

Okay.

Bye.

Hi.

Hi, Turner.

Zoe.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

Mark out some time where we can talk about this?

Okay, okay.

Thank you. Great.

Okay, thanks.

All right.

Hello, everyone.

So thank you all.

I'm very pleased you're here. Thank you all.

And I think it's great we've got the theater today

just to get a feel of it on the first day,

which I think will be good.

And I thought we'd just start sort of very easily

by reading through the play and sort of not doing anything.

By the time the sun was setting,

the loneliness was physical.

It had taken on matter

and was musical like a heartbeat.

Lonely, lonely, lonely.

That's when the phone rang.

That's when I found out-oh.

I'm going to say, "discovered."

Is that okay?

That's when I- I'm gonna take that back.

That's when the phone rang.

That's when I discovered what had happened.

The way I felt was numb.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

Turn it off.

Yeah, I really thought it was off.

Is it off?

Okay, keep going.

No, just turn it off.

Um, are you-okay.

You know, I'm gonna have to go back.

I'm a little nervous.

That shook me up.

Want some water?

Yeah, could you get me-

just have this one removed too, okay.

Just then, the sun began going under the horizon.

Well, maybe he thinks that you're taken.

Maybe he can smell it on you.

No, if anything, that makes me more attractive.

No, actually, that only works for men.

Well, whatever, then he probably has a girlfriend.

- Maybe. - Oh, my God.

Jack and diet and vodka tonic.

Thank you.

I'm fat.

Whatever, Zo.

He just wants a big tip, all right?

Plus, you have a boyfriend!

Snooze!

Zo, my relationships last about five minutes.

Yeah, try sex four years in.

Oh, good morning, Father.

Hey.

Oh, don't you touch that. Don't you dare.

Good morning, Mom.

You know I like my cup and my spoon just so.

A little COD, okay.

Well, if you're going to live in my house,

you have to deal with my shit.

Good morning, honey.

You want some coffee?

I got it.

What are you reading?

Daryl's article.

Oh, article? What?

I'm your spellchecker.

You're fair.

That's what I like.

They're in jail.

What's my first impression gonna be?

But some of them even seem nice.

Dangerous nice, like that guy

who used to be our old super, Marty.

Alan, Marty was a schizophrenic.

Hey, come here. I want to talk to you.

Come, come, come, come, come.

Hey.

What?

I ask you, I beg you.

Let me buy you some shoes, please, real shoes

like shiny loafers or hip slip-ons-

- Mom, no. - Anything but this.

I love these shoes.

And these pants.

What's wrong with my pants?

Good Lord, Daryl, they're so tight.

Tell me they're Zoe's.

They are mine.

Are you wearing girl pants?

These are man pants, Mom.

They look like tiny girl stripper pants.

They are my pants, Mom.

Do you have to lay down to put them on?

Okay.

How much did you pay for those?

A lot of money.

They're A.P.O.

Oh, my God, more than a hundred?

I am leaving.

Oh, my God.

If my grandchildren come out short and stubby,

we'll know why.

It's those pants.

He paid more than $100 for those girl pants.

I know.

d Baby, baby, baby, please d

d Baby, baby, I'm on my knees d

d You're hot as hell d

d I'm gonna freeze d

d Baby, baby, baby, please d

d Baby, baby, baby, stay d

What's up?

What?

Zoe!

What's going on?

Don't you bring that thing in here.

Oh, my God.

Sir, everything's under control.

Please, just don't call PETA.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

What the hell is going on?

Look what he did, D.

He shat on my Chanel.

Oh, my God, not the Chanel.

It took me months to find that van.

I mean, those Chinese are surprisingly discreet.

Honey, why the hell did you buy a dog?

I don't know.

It was our day off. I was trying to grow.

What are we gonna do?

Come on, you got to get her out of the box.

Get her out of the box.

No, she stays in there, or I'm leaving.

What happened to unconditional love, kitty?

What happened to unconditional love?

Mom, it's a dog.

All right, you have got to calm down.

Who's a little boogoo booboo?

Daryl, I read that piece you wrote.

It is so good.

You are a really good writer.

Thank you.

Have you shown it to anybody else?

I'm working for this big-time journalist now.

That's good. What about her?

Yeah, I would love to give it to her,

but, you know, she's busy and stuff.

So is she smart?

Could she help you?

She is so smart, yeah.

She is a professor of public policy and human rights.

That's heavy. Good.

And he wants to sleep with her.

What? I do not.

You got to start somewhere.

So we wanted to talk to you.

All right, go ahead.

I'm all ears.

Well, obviously, nothing lasts forever.

Obviously.

And I love Daryl very much.

And he loves you.

We are taking days off.

Okay.

I'm not sure I know what that means.

I'm sorry.

Just give me a moment.

I just-

- What?

Just one minute.

Okay, okay, let her deal with it.

You know, we talked about this,

taking a few days off.

You know, I tried to raise a daughter

who wasn't gonna be afraid of being alone.

It's tough out there.

I can be with a loser who doesn't want to be alone

or a loser who deserves to be.

You're smoking.

Yeah, why aren't there more of you?

Way to go, biatch.

Daryl!

Coming!

Hey, welcome to Brooklyn, you shit-sniffing cocksucker.

Microdermabrasion!

Kiddie yoga!

You have to tell me if this is too much.

I don't want it to get all Trump Taj Mahal.

Ooh, pretty.

I think I should be in therapy.

What? Why?

You know who should be in therapy?

Your father should be in therapy.

Dad? Why?

Ooh, he's fat.

Or maybe we could get him on that program.

How do we get him on that program?

What program?

You know, the program where you're fat

and then you lose weight, and they give you money.

Or do you have to be a celebrity?

Is that celebrity fat people?

I'm trying to talk to you!

Well, talk then.

So talk. Let's talk.

How are you? How's Zoe?

How are things?

I don't know, we're just kind of...

Tell her you're sorry.

For what?

It doesn't matter.

Come on, I'll make you some tea.

I don't know.

Is the quinoa really salty?

Last time I had it here it was really salty.

No, it's actually...

You know what?

Oh, God, I don't know.

Nothing looks good.

Never mind, give me the Dragon Bowl.

- I'll love it. - Okay.

- I'm gonna get that too. - Great.

But you know what? No beans.

- Me too. - Got it.

Last thing I need is gas.

She doesn't take the menus.

So how's your tummy?

Why?

It's always so emotionally sensitive.

Oh, yeah. No, yeah.

It's been...

It's a little funny.

Yeah, yeah, me too.

So bloated all the time.

Oh, my God, I look at a piece of fish,

and I want to blow up.

Oh, God, what we do for our children.

Never mind.

You're beautiful. Who cares?

Moving on. It's not your fault.

I'm not gonna get into it.

Anyway, how's D?

I don't know, Mom.

You're out of your mind.

He's fine-I don't know, he's-

When he's with me, I want to kill him.

When he's not, I miss him.

I'm, like-I'm a mess.

- You are a mess. - Yeah.

What's going on with you?

I don't know.

Boy, you have always been so codependent, Zoe,

ever since you were a little child.

Yeah?

You were so cute,

always hanging on my leg every place we went.

Wouldn't let me go in one room.

You would just go, "Mama!"

Funny.

You're not easy, honey.

You are not easy at all.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means you're needy, sweetie.

Shh, I'm not needy.

Yes, you are. You're very needy.

You're not easy at all.

Yeah, and all your relationships

have ultimately failed, so...

You are so fucking judgmental sometimes.

Needy, Mom.

- You are so sensitive. - Honestly?

I can't even talk to you.

Zoe, come here.

You weren't a burden.

I just want you to be happy. That's all.

I've lived a lot of mistakes that you don't have to make.

Like what?

Like this manic cycle

of pushing people away and then needing them,

your fear of independence.

I think a lot of people would be surprised

to see how really fearful you are.

Do you think I'm pushing him away?

I don't know, honey.

I think you need to be alone.

We really shouldn't be doing this.

I know.

I'm really sorry, D, but I just needed to talk.

Well, it's our day off.

Do you think that I'm, like,

too needy or that I'm pushing you away in some way?

If we don't follow the rules now,

it's never gonna work. Oh, the rules.

All right, D.

You know what? Fuck you.

Thanks for clarifying.

Fucking asshole.

Wow, fuck you, huh?

Frustration rides you well.

That's a good line.

It must work on all the insecure actresses.

Well, working is relative.

You all right?

Yeah.

Yes.

All right.

Let's go.

I mean, it's like she's so on the outside of this group.

It is a suicide.

Hi, honey. I'm sorry.

You were right, okay?

So I'm gonna go.

Who's that in the background?

Don't worry about it.

Is that fucking dickface fuck?

Okay, honey, I'm gonna go.

All right, so tomorrow's Tuesday.

I'll talk to you then.

Good job, sweetie.

That's my little man up there.

He is so cute.

He is a trip.

You ever feel like...

What?

I don't know, like, you don't have the words?

Sure.

I don't know.

Never mind.

You have to find out who you are

outside of who you wish you were

or who someone else wants you to be.

Tolan, wait your turn.

Badass.

Oh, God, my neck is killing me.

Here.

Mm.

I can't take this anymore.

Let's go, Luke.

Emma, can you give us a minute?

I'll meet you in the car.

You ever see him?

See him?

Yeah, I mean, like, see him in other people.

Do you?

Every day.

Sometimes I see him in you.

It's gonna be okay.

How do you know?

Hold can we hold, please?

No, no, it's really good.

Can we just try it again?

It's good, it's good.

Let's just try it again.

I don't think the beard is working.

No, no, the beard's good.

The beard's really good.

It just needs a little more- like you've been waiting for it.

You know what I mean?

And less trepidatious.

Like, so I'm a little bit more aggressive.

A little more gung ho for it, yeah.

Okay.

You know what I mean? That's good.

And can we try again?

And can we put like a blue in here or something?

We can see what that does.

It just feels a little warm.

Are you guys good?

- Awesome. - Yeah.

All right, let's try it again.

Hey, Zo.

You smoke?

No. You know, cancer.

Oh, thanks, yeah.

I almost forgot about that.

Hey, you want get a drink, talk about the show?

I shouldn't.

I feel like I'm getting sick.

No, come on, it'd be good, really.

We should figure some stuff out. I mean, I'm not getting sick.

I neti pot daily, or at least every other day.

Actually I'm not asking.

I am taking you out for a drink.

Oh.

Yeah.

Hey, It's Zoe.

Leave a message, and I'll get back to you.

She has to know.

She has to know that that's what he's saying.

I think that deep down she knows,

but that, like, because she is so controlled,

she doesn't know she knows.

Do you know what I mean?

That's fine, but as long as that breaks,

as long as in the moment he sees that she understands

what he's saying to her and that she releases to him,

then we're good.

He's not saying, you know, "You're gonna be okay"

because he's gonna take care of her

or he's gonna, like, protect her or whatever.

He's saying, "You're gonna be okay

"because I am gonna hurt you, but that's what you need.

And you will survive."

Okay, yeah, I mean, I get that.

So we need submission.

We need you to give yourself to me,

or we're nowhere.

The moment is-

- I think she does in the moment.

Well, I'm not getting it.

Okay.

You're gonna be okay.

How do you know?

Uhhuh.

Right?

Yeah.

Fuck.

That was good.

Yeah.

That was the scene.

Could I get a shot of tequila please?

Hi, honey. I'm sorry.

I was just- I couldn't hear the phone.

So do you want to come over?

I'm just hailing a cab.

Um, no.

- Why not? - I'm sorry.

I have nothing to say to you, Zoe.

Um, what's your problem?

Well, let's just say I'm a little irate.

Can you be a little irate?

It's an on day.

You said that we were gonna hang out.

I've been sitting here waiting for you.

I'm sorry.

I was just with the cast.

We were just bonding.

Okay, well, you could have invited me.

Well, we said we were going to be independent.

God, dude, I don't want to hang out

with a lame bunch of actors anyway!

Okay, you need to

just calm the fuck down

and talk to me like an adult in a normal voice.

Don't fucking tell me

to calm down when you've been ignoring me all day, okay?

Honey, you are reading too much into this.

Well, you're not giving me much to work with, Mom.

What do you want me to tell you?

We're good people.

We're decent to one another.

That's it.

Yeah, but that's not it.

There's so much more to it.

It's like, why-

- Okay, Zoe, did it ever dawn on you

that maybe sometimes I don't want to talk?

Good night, Mama.

I love you.

Will you lock up for me, honey?

Yeah.

Oh, God, I'm a douche bag.

Why is my stuff all over the place?

I don't know.

Were you out with Turner?

Honey, this isn't healthy, okay?

Whatever's happening here, this isn't like-

- I just want to know what you were doing.

I don't have to tell you. It's our day off.

I know it's our day off, but I want to know.

For fuck's sake, Daryl.

I just want to know what he gives you

that I don't give you.

He's not there all the fucking time!

I was at my mom's.

I just don't understand

how two people can go from being in a unit

to just being...

alone.

This is why I'll never work in these things,

'cause I know that they're just gonna end in disaster.

That's not true.

D, whose breakup lasts as long as the relationship?

I don't know, ours.

And lesbians.

I think I've earned a nice pastrami on rye.

Isn't that fatty?

You don't have to tell her everything I eat.

I don't tell Mom everything.

If I drown, don't save me.

Come on, let's go.

How's Zoe?

Eh.

You know we like her.

Yeah.

But we like you more.

Look, I don't want Mom to know.

Okay, she doesn't get it.

So please don't tell her.

Then I'm ordering dessert.

Do you ever see him?

See him?

Yeah, I mean, like,

do you ever see him in other people?

Do you?

Every day.

Sometimes I see him in you.

It's gonna be okay.

Oh, my God. Congratulations!

Thank you.

Oh, you were so terrific.

You know that scene, you made me cry.

Tears were coming down.

It was just so wonderful of you.

And then another crazy band came out to take over for him.

Who's the crazy band?

Uh, Capital One I think, Capital Years?

But anyway, I'm gonna run, 'cause we have to go to the-

- I'm gonna come and see it again.

- Oh, you are? - I really loved it.

I really, really loved it. I loved it.

- Thank you so much for coming. - You were just so wonderful.

Okay, bye.

Yeah, but I love his music.

You saw him at Warsaw?

At Warsaw in Brooklyn, yeah.

Nice.

I like your style, man.

This is a cool coat.

Thanks.

Is it vintage?

Yeah.

Yeah! Me too.

- Hi. - Hey, guys.

That's the new Meryl Streep.

Jewish, though.

Very Jewish.

Okay, should we go to the party?

Yeah, sure, after you.

And you.

What do you want me to say?

She started talking to me.

We were having a drink.

I'm sure you two had a lot to talk about.

She looked really smart.

Actually, we did.

She knew all about art.

She knows nothing!

Okay, you're acting like a fucking psychopath right now,

and I'm leaving.

Oh, really?

You're gonna leave now?

All right, go.

Go ahead. Fucking baby.

And thank you very much.

You ruined my fucking night.

I ruined your night?

I'm sorry, where does it say treat your boyfriend

like the cater waiter?

I'm sorry, where does it say

go talk to the only fucking long-legged bitch in the room?

Okay, what do you want me to do?

Just stand around and not fucking talk to anybody?

- Yeah. - I'm socializing.

It doesn't mean anything. Oh, bullshit.

You wanted to fuck her.

You're just projecting.

That's just projection.

You know what, go ahead,

'cause you and me, we're done fucking.

- Fine. - Fine.

Hey, go buy her a sandwich.

I'm sure she's starving.

Well, it seems you two are going at it

for every little thing.

Well, not seeing each other at all is worse than fighting.

I mean, don't you think?

Fuck if I know. These are cute.

Yeah, get those.

Mmhmm. If you're a mime.

All right.

So how are the folks?

They're good, you know.

It's not a marriage I'd want,

but I'm not sure I've seen a marriage that I'd want.

I don't know.

What do you think about marriage?

Do you think it's an institution that actually works nowadays?

I feel like-

- Okay, Daryl, you got a lot of questions.

What do you think about this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is hot.

Really? You know, I'm honored, honey,

that you want to talk to me about marriage.

Do you talk to your own mom like this?

Uh, kind of.

I mean, not really. I don't know.

I mean, something's kind of changed between us.

I'm afraid she's gonna judge me or something.

Oh, honey, we're all afraid of being judged.

I'll tell you that much.

I don't know. What do you think?

That is hot.

You could go to the club in that.

Really?

'Cause I think it looks like I'm nursing.

I think it's nice.

Some baby would be very happy.

These are nice jugs.

Here, try this.

Okay, I got such a gut.

What? No, you don't.

Gut's the new black.

Look at all the fat hanging out over the underpants.

Stop it.

Look at your abs. You got great abs.

I got to look hot, baby, hot for my date tonight.

All right, so tell me, tell me.

I want some details.

What's his income, build, star sign?

I met him at the food co-op.

We were both bagging together,

and he's into woodworking, and he's married.

Oh, sounds like a keeper.

You know what?

There's a lot that you don't know about.

Ever hear of polyamory?

What's that, swingers?

Kinda sorta.

Oh, I'm gonna turn around right now.

Never mind.

Come on.

Come on, baby, we're family.

Yeah, I don't know, honey.

At least he's working.

Here, zip me.

Okay.

It's slim pickin's out there.

You know that.

I've only had three hits this month on JDate.

All of them were octogenarians.

Oh, come here.

Don't worry.

I know some hot young guys.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Like you? - Like me.

All right, you know what?

You and Zoe better stay together.

I really like you.

Fuck her.

What do you think?

I think you look hot.

Okay, I look like Shirley Temple.

No, you don't.

I look like the Goodyear blimp.

I look like Zsa Zsa Gabor post-stroke.

Take it off.

Unzip me.

Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself.

How many wives does that guy have right there?

I told you it's not about polygamy.

It's polyamory.

Okay, It's not about possession.

It's about love and freedom.

Okay.

That guy's really cute.

Let's go talk to some people.

Okay, just act cool.

Come on, listen and learn.

Hey, how are you?

How long have you been polyamorous?

As long as we've been together.

Well, Matt was in a relationship

when we started our relationship.

I mean, we all have so much baggage,

whether it's, you know, our personal insecurities

or fear of abandonment.

And then we live in this, you know,

monogamy-centrist culture that just reinforces

all that fear mentality.

Like, haven't you ever wanted to be with someone else?

What are you, Jewish?

Yeah.

Christian?

Nice.

I like Jewish guys.

Oh, cool.

I generally get along better with Jewish guys.

I'm a sculptor.

- Sculptor? - Yeah.

Do you-what kind of material do you work with?

Blood.

You sculpt blood.

Do you freeze the blood?

That's absolutely right.

How do you know that?

Well, I'm educated.

But you know I mean?

It's like-it's like- because then otherwise sex

becomes like there's a primary zone

in which it's morally okay.

And then there's this other exciting place

where it's exciting 'cause it's not morally okay.

But then that means the person you're engaging with

you're having some judgment about,

like it's immoral, you know.

And so you bring your shame into it.

You know, it's like, why bring that to somebody else?

Like, I just rose above all my human nature

and evolved like just quantum leap from the cave days.

You know what I mean?

I mean, but what I'm saying is, that's what it takes.

Where the hell were you?

Well, hello to you too, Mom.

No, really, where the hell were you?

Out. Hi, Dad.

Hi, Daryl.

Call Brian.

You know, if you won't answer your damn cell phone,

what is the point of paying that bill?

Brian, dinner.

I don't know, Mom. I don't know.

Wow, what crawled up your ass and died?

Hey, I want you to look at something.

These are your bills.

We need you to come back

from la-la land and join us here in the real world.

This is your student loan.

You've got to help us out.

Oh, and this is your new insurance card.

Put it in your wallet.

Brian, supper!

Shit, bitch, can't a man have a minute?

Who you calling bitch, bitch?

Snap, snap on you.

Hey, where's Zoe?

Isn't she coming?

Mom, you need a haircut.

Yeah, well, you need to wash your clothes.

Alan, tell him.

He's gonna go to the synagogue meet and greet

dressed like a homeless.

Honestly.

What's going on?

Daryl needs a day off from talking about his days off.

What?

What's a day off?

Nothing.

Cops.

Why can't you be gay like your brother?

Mom, please. He doesn't have the chops.

Well, all right, I'm gonna call Zoe.

She'll explain it.

Joanie, sit down.

All right, somebody talk to me.

Days off, it just means that Zoe and I

aren't talking to each other or seeing each other right now.

What does that mean?

How can you work on your relationship

if you're not talking or-

are you breaking up?

Did you know about this?

Did everybody know about this but me?

Okay, fine.

Boys' secrets.

He won a Pulitzer prize?

Well, you know, Daryl's a writer.

- No. - Oh, yeah. Look out.

Really? Nice.

And what's your day job, son?

Nude model.

Excuse me. Mort?

That was nice.

You know there's a back door

in case you meet any cute Jewish girls.

Right.

If you want to move on, you got to let other people in.

Well, not necessarily,

because it's not, you know, in your experience,

nor should it be, necessarily.

But it's interesting.

I think I'm gonna go get a drink.

Oh, okay.

Do you want anything?

No, no, thank you.

Okay.

It was nice talking to you.

Thank you, you too.

Bye.

Hey.

Hi.

I think you're the reason why my parents

made me come here tonight.

Probably.

Are you Ethan?

Oh, Daryl.

Do you want to maybe pretend to be Ethan for me?

Sure, you be Leticia.

Word, Leticia don't live here no mo'.

Wow, you really went there.

Yeah.

So are you having as much fun at this thing as I am?

Actually, I was gonna leave pretty soon.

I'm meeting some friends at Esperanto.

Do you maybe want to join?

I can't.

Too bad.

I bet you're easy.

You know, couple drinks.

You have no idea.

Fuckin' Amores Perros.

Okay, continue.

I think it's a necessary step.

Okay, fine.

Are you gonna want to know details?

No!

Uh-uh.

Okay, but I think we should probably be open.

No, I don't want to know that kind of stuff.

I can't handle it.

Okay, let's do a practice.

Okay, okay.

Okay, let's just say I just went on a date

with my friend Halley, and it's the next night.

Okay, wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

I got to-you know, I got to figure out my motivation.

Okay, ready.

I think you should sit down.

What is it?

I went on a date with my friend Halley.

Wow.

How was it?

We made out.

How do you feel?

Um, how do I feel?

I feel upset.

I'm sorry. I really like her.

Like, go on another date, like her?

Yeah, she's got a banging ass, really big tits.

Okay, stop.

Don't say that.

- What? - That.

Are you acting or are you talking?

Talking! Jesus, fuck, don't say that.

"Oh, great ass, tits."

I don't want to hear that kind of stuff.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Do you, though?

Yeah, I mean we sat next to each other

in Politics and the Information Explosion.

She has the cutest handwriting.

Honey, I think it's a necessary step.

What's going on?

Any luck?

I'm not trying too hard.

What about that guy right there?

Who?

That guy right there.

Oh, I don't know.

I have to pee.

What? Do it at his place.

- No. - Come on, he's cute.

You go talk to him if you think he looks so cute.

Looks like he had a good childhood.

He's clean-looking.

I have to pee.

Okay, well, I think you... go talk to him.

That's what I think you should do.

I'll go pee on him.

- Yeah, go pee on him. - We'll get kinky.

Go ahead. Go pee on him.

- Wouldn't that make you happy? - Yeah, it would.

Fuckin' pervert. Excuse me.

Hello.

And hello.

Fancy meeting you here.

I know.

Right here.

So what do you do?

I'm an actor.

Oh, yeah?

I owe that guy over there ten bucks.

Damn.

Is that your boyfriend?

No, mm-mm.

He's gay.

Oh, yeah, I see that.

Yeah.

What are you drinking?

Oran vodka.

Whoa.

A little bit gay.

Is this like your A game?

'Cause it's-

- No, no, I'm just riffing.

Are you?

d Anticipation driving me out of my mind d

d I've got to hurry d

d 'Cause I know I haven't got much time d

d To find who you really are d

Solo.

d I've got to get closer d

d 'Cause now you feel so far away from me d

Whoo!

Whoo!

Yeah.

Nice!

Oh, hey!

Karaoke!

Ah, right.

Very nicely done, man.

He was in an a capella group in college.

Oh, yeah, you can tell.

All right.

Yeah, you want to sing another one?

Yeah.

You guys want another round?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah?

You good?

Sure, yeah.

One more round.

What's wrong, little baby?

Your pussy hurt?

You need a tampon?

Okay, I feel very uncomfortable right now.

Well, you encouraged me, D,

so I don't know what to tell you.

I know I encouraged you earlier,

but now, if you cared-

- No, now?

Now?

No, brother man, no now.

We had a meeting in a kitchen,

and now we're here.

Well, I'm re-evaluating.

You can't just, you know,

make these decisions on your own.

We have to make them together.

We made a decision.

Okay, I want to fucking leave now.

Then leave.

Oh, oh.

Almost couldn't find you guys.

Drinks here and here.

Hey.

And I think Zoe is choosing for Daryl.

Oh, no.

Ladies choice!

- I'm gonna head out. - What?

I got to wake up early.

I got a lot of work to do.

So you guys should stay.

You guys should totally stay.

We will stay.

- Yeah, we're staying. - Yeah, man.

No question.

D We're gonna get closer d.

Hold on one second, okay?

Yeah, I got-

I got something for you.

Look, I don't want to do this

if you're really not okay with it.

Yeah, you do.

Here.

Thank you.

So did you think my article was shit?

Daryl, no.

I just wanted to impress you.

You did.

I actually-

I just got an email from a friend.

An opportunity.

So did we just break the rules?

Nah, we're supposed to.

What man wouldn't kill for that responsibility?

Exactly, and try new things and be independent.

It's sweet.

It is.

So why am I so miserable?

Look, we all want to believe in a love that sustains itself.

But it's bullshit.

Believe me.

I've done impeccable research.

Look, I don't know if it's the right time or whatever,

but that job?

It's in Vancouver.

I know.

There's no treatment for that, man.

What's up?

Oh, what up?

Okay, listen.

The clap is Chlamydia.

No, the clap is gonorrhea.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Gonorrhea is the burn. Gonorrhea burns.

Yeah.

What's the drip?

Yeah, what is the drip?

I have no idea.

What's the third main STD?

Syphilis.

Hold this.

I'll be right back.

I'm gonna go get something.

Who the fuck is that?

Nothing.

You just made out with his face.

I'm not getting close enough to find out,

but I'm just gonna go with the clap.

Why don't you go talk to her?

Why doesn't Daryl go talk to her?

- Me? - Yeah.

Why doesn't Daryl go talk to her?

Why doesn't Daryl go dance with her?

You get your head in the game, son.

I saw him nine days ago.

And it's like nothing.

It's like-it's just kind of- he's somewhere.

He's there, but he's not here.

I know that he's in my vicinity.

Do you know what I mean?

I think about him constantly.

You have dirt on your face.

What?

Don't touch my face.

d You can't come d

d Even shadows need to see d

d Well, don't you say that you can't come d

d Well, don't you say that you can't come d

d Even shadows need to see d

Oh...

wow.

I should-

I guess I should probably get out of here.

There's like beer in the fridge and stuff

if you want to have a drink or something.

Oh, yeah?

Cool.

Nice.

Thanks.

That was-

Hey, let's not lose that.

All right?

I mean, eight shows a week, you know?

Yeah, um-

- I'm out.

All right, now we're gonna do

some partnering up for some balancing.

So we're gonna do tuladandasana and a balancing stick pose.

So I want you to find a partner.

Walk over towards your partner.

Yeah, yeah, find a partner,

and we're gonna do balancing stick pose.

So one of you is going to do the posture.

And of you is going to spot your partner.

All right, arms up over your head, hands in prayer.

Stretch up, take a big step forward on your right leg.

Lock your right leg, point your left toes, and go.

Bring your body down parallel to the floor.

Point the toes back, stretching the arms forward,

Keep the legs strong.

Okay, let's go ahead and come out of the posture.

Is everything okay?

I think she's- she's crying or something.

It's not, it's not you.

I know this is a really emotional pose.

It's one of the hip openers.

You're really releasing a lot of emotion and stress,

so it's really normal to have this kind of reaction.

Thank you.

All right, guys, so we're gonna move into another posture,

so we're gonna move into tree pose.

All right, so back your mat.

You're just like the only person

I want to tell, like, funny stuff to,

like when I see funny stuff and stuff,

even if it's on a Wednesday.

I just think we should talk.

I don't know if we should be doing this yet.

No, D, I don't want to talk it to death.

Okay, and I don't want to involve our parents.

I just want to be there for each other.

Don't you?

Of course.

So then see?

There's no reason for us not to be together.

Except Turner Smith wants to get into your pants.

No, I think he's gay.

What?

Are you sure you want to do this?

Don't you?

I just don't know if I want to lose my days off yet.

Well, that's okay, honey.

We can just take it slow,

and we can wean ourselves back on to each other.

Right?

See?

There's no reason we shouldn't be together.

Right?

Triple!

So what did she say?

- Huh? - Zoe?

When you told her that you were taking the job?

Oh, she's cool with it.

- Really? - Yeah.

60 points.

Just use the whole board.

I will.

So now when I ask you a question,

you're gonna lie to my face?

Maybe we can play something else.

I'm not lying.

Go Fish I could probably handle.

Do you think that we can't read you?

Okay, fine, I'm not taking the job.

Jeez.

It's my life.

It's my decision.

I can do whatever I want.

I think she just wants to know that you've thought about it.

It's in Vancouver.

You know, it's an opportunity.

I don't see that many opportunities

just flying towards you.

I mean, you're 23 and babysitting.

Oh, come on, end of discussion.

It's all about her,

and they're not even really dating.

That's because you don't understand.

That's because I don't understand?

That's the reason you're not dating?

Okay, I'm not involving you in this part of my life,

so if you can just stay out of it.

I want to hit him in the head with a shovel.

He's got to get out of this house.

What did I say?

He won't even talk about it.

Are we stuck with him forever?

Just leave it alone.

Forever, though!

Hey, are we inviting Zoe and Helaine to the Seder?

I need a head count.

I don't know.

Well, we've invited them the last two years.

I think it might be rude if we didn't.

Okay, that's fine.

We can invite them.

Should we also invite Zoe's new boyfriend?

What?

Boy, you should have seen the hug he gave her,

very affectionate.

Who's he?

That guy in the play with her.

They were outside the theatre.

I saw them.

I tried to get a picture for you,

but I don't know how that camera works on the phone.

You need to show me.

Mom what were you thinking?

I don't know.

You're staying here for her.

What are you thinking?

Happy Pesach!

Oh, Daryl, honey.

My, God, aren't you eating?

I've been fasting since Yom Kippur.

Come in, come in.

- When I was 18... - Yeah.

There were no jobs.

This was-Herbert Hoover was the president.

- Yeah. - It was the Depression.

Hi, do you need any help?

No, I need you to go put on a collared shirt.

That one is ripped,

and it has holes and schmutz all over it.

What? All right, fine.

I'll go put on my jacket and button down.

Thank you, trailer trash baby.

Man, when was the last time you actually showered?

- Mom, go bother Dad. - I can't.

We're not speaking.

We're having a day off.

I was going through Orown Heights,

and it was Purim.

So all those Hasidim,

you know, they give you these bags of nuts

and other things like that.

We kept them in the car. We ate some.

We actually ate some,

but I kept most of them in the car.

Thank you.

It was really good.

- Hey. - Oh, hi.

Hey, oh, my God, get me a towel.

Oh, it's like a shvitz in here.

Pretty soon we'll all be naked talking about the old country.

Who's here?

Hey, baby, hi, hi.

You're rocking the one earring, huh?

Oh, shit, I lost one.

Oh, these are my favorites.

Left is right. Right is wrong.

Hello.

Hey, honey.

You look beautiful.

Oh, thank you so much.

You're so adorable.

Can you go to your mom's

and see if she's got an extra pair of earrings?

Brian says I look gay.

It's Ellen, not Rosie.

That's better.

Yeah, of course.

I think Zoe left a pair in my room.

I'll go get them.

Just give me one sec.

Angel.

I mean, I don't mind looking gay.

What you did was, you planted trees,

you cleaned up the place, you painted the benches green.

Yeah.

You know, things that you did in a park...

- Right. - For six months.

I brought these.

These are nice.

Zoe left them in my room.

- Gee, can I keep them? - Yeah.

All right. I knew I liked him.

- Hi. - Hi.

Oh, everything looks beautiful.

You look beautiful.

Thank you. I brought you some stuff.

I didn't know what you needed.

Wow, those are thick.

Are they ortho?

Orthofeminist.

How about that?

Yeah, they're just newly out.

- Great. - Like myself.

I'm going gay, you know.

- Are you really? - I'm kidding you.

Anyway, look what I brought,

a little after-dinner treat.

Helaine, is this real?

Of course.

I can't get through a Seder without one.

Well, you know what?

I'm just gonna put it over here.

We're gonna party!

Remember where that is now.

I won't forget.

Okay, can anybody have this?

Yeah, sure, it's all yours.

You know, actually, we're gonna use

the kiddie Haggadahs this year,

'cause we just sort of want to whip through it.

Not that I don't love a really good long Seder.

But why don't you take those?

Put them on the table in case someone gets sexist.

I only have two of them.

That's fine.

I think that's all we'll need.

Cheers, cheers.

All right, cheers to you.

So glad you're here.

Oh, my God, this is a nightmare.

Okay, everyone, people, people, people.

Thank you all for coming.

Please take your seats.

Let's begin our Seder.

These things are gorgeous.

Zoe, where did you get these?

Everybody get ready to dip your finger in the wine.

Bravo, whoo!

Oh, boy.

Yeah.

So, Zoe, how is the play?

Oh, sick of it.

Really superb.

And that other boy, what was his name?

- Turner. - Turner.

He was adorable.

I want to date him.

He was very good.

You two are so natural together.

Yeah, he's great to work with.

Sometimes when the acting is that good,

it doesn't really seem like acting.

Mom.

Come on, what is going on with you two?

Joanie, I don't think that's very appropriate.

Oh, please, we're all family.

I think they should sort things out by themselves.

Your father and I don't take days off.

Yeah, maybe that's the problem.

That's enough.

I think what they're doing is mature.

- Hear, hear. - Amen.

Well, I don't think it makes sense to be seeing other people.

Well, that's because you've only been

with one person your whole life.

You know absolutely nothing about what you're talking about.

You're so young.

You're either in a relationship, or you're not.

And you make each other miserable.

Oh, and you haven't been Mr. Happy Pants lately.

I would say you're more anxious,

and you're moody, and you're cruel.

Joanie.

All right, I know. It's none of my business.

But there's a fair way to do this and there's not.

I want Daryl to get to go to Vancouver.

Why?

I mean, sure, the pay is shit,

but he gets to work on Max Kleaman's book.

And yes, I don't know who the fuck that is.

But apparently Daryl adores him.

Of course.

So why won't you let him go?

I won't let him?

- That's not fair. - Joanie-

- What is she talking about? - Here's a deal.

You take days off.

Why not take a year off?

He'll be back in the spring.

You can sort out your little relationship then.

It's not a little relationship.

A real relationship takes more than four days a week.

That's enough!

Zoe.

Zoe, please stay.

Were you not planning on telling me about Vancouver?

Did you not think I'd be excited for you?

Of course, I wanted to-

- Well, we're supposed to be communicating.

And we are.

Look at how well we're using our time,

how well we've adjusted.

I think we're doing pretty well.

Those aren't my earrings, Daryl.

Whose are they?

Um, I don't know.

Maybe they're my mom's.

Have you brought girls here?

What do you want me to say?

Well, if you did, I'd like you to say yes.

We were allowed to.

Like, your parents met them?

It's their house.

You introduced them?

You were, like, dating these girls?

You had some sort of sustainable-

- I don't think we should be doing this.

No, I'm sorry, Daryl.

You brought them home.

Did you tell them they were beautiful or special?

These girls probably thought you cared.

Or did you?

I slept with Turner.

That is so fucking immature.

You're saying that because you're hurt,

and you want to hurt me back.

Well, what the fuck did you do?

I didn't like it.

Well, that's too bad.

'Cause I did.

Then what are you still doing here?

I guess this has been kind of the goal, right?

So this is where we were headed anyway.

I'm not gonna do it.

It's okay.

I'll do it for you.

It's over, okay?

Is everybody clear?

Are we all fucking clear on that?

Next year in Jerusalem.

Sorry about that.

I just don't know what's going on with you,

and it's made me kind of crazy.

So have you heard from D?

No.

Why don't you call him?

I hear the girls are doing it nowadays.

No.

I don't think I can do this, Mom.

Yes, you can.

You'll get used to it.

Then you'll start over.

I'm here for you, Zo,

even when I'm not.

I think that's everything.

Okay.

I put your night guard in there.

I need that.

Yes, no grinding.

Mom would be mad.

Mmhmm.

Oh.

I want to give you this back.

It's for my new boyfriend.

I made copies.

Hey, remember the time that we broke up?

Heyo!

Good one.

Yeah.

Anyway.

Here, come here.

It's hard packing for yourself.

Makes you appreciate Mom.

I don't have her superior spatial relations.

No.

Brian got that.

You know she's sorry.

She's told me to do plenty of things over the years.

- I know. - And you know what?

99 out of a 100, she was right.

Yeah, just ask her.

Come on, best decisions I've made were hers.

Yeah, but Dad, you're not happy.

Happy enough.

Oh, it's a pretty day for it.

Honey, I want you to call us

the minute that your plane lands.

Thank you.

Okay.

I love you.

I love you, Mom.

We're proud of you.

Wait a minute.

What?

Come on.

Put that away.

It's important. Come on.

Thank you.

Oh, you're never gonna get a cab here.

Just wait a minute.

He'll be all right.

You think?

Why don't we walk down to the avenue?

Okay.

d I picked a color long ago d

d To suit my tawdry tales of woe d

d And now it doesn't fit d

d Well, my friend who's a fan of shades d

d Traveled to the Everglades d

d And asked if I'd come with d

d There's no one I would rather see d

d She's a special friend to me d

d But I feel I'd be leaving you behind d

d That's the game of love and war d

d Choose a side you're fighting for d

d And see if there's a white flag to be raised d

d I know it's not a fair assessment d

d But I can't be asked to wrestle with the colors d

d Of who you've now become d

d 'Cause you and I, we're not the same d

d And neither can be held to blame d

d It's just the way the story has to end d

d Being here and being there d

d There's no space for being where d

d I feel I should be d

d Loneliness is like a drink d

d You think you're on the verge of sinking d

d When you tame the sea d

d Interims are good for suckers d

d Feeling like they're down on luck d

d And I'm not gonna drown in my own tears d

d I can't ask you anymore d

d To be the one that I adore d

d Only when the time is right for me d

d So let's just be d

d Baby, baby, baby, please d

d Baby, baby, I'm on my knees d

d You're hot as hell d

d I'm gonna freeze d

d Baby, baby, baby, please d

d Baby, baby, baby, stay d

d Baby, baby, I'm afraid d

d The pillow's cold where your head used to lay d

d Baby, baby, stay d

Oh, girl.

You know I miss you so much.

I think about you at nighttime and the morning time too.

I don't know where you've gone to,

and I don't know if you're coming back.

I wish I would just hear from you.

Until then, I just gotta...

I gotta sing. I gotta sing.

d Baby, baby, baby girl d

d Baby, baby, you rock my world d