All language subtitles for Rushmore (1998).en

If, and only if,
both sides of the numerator...

is divisible by the inverse
of the square root...

of the two unassigned variables.

Good. Except when the value
of the "X" coordinate...

is equal to or less than
the value of one.

- Yes, Isaac?
- What about that problem?

Oh, that? Don't worry about that.
"M" is _

Wait. Why?

I just put that up as a joke.

That's probably the hardest
geometry equation in the world.

How much extra credit is it worth?

Well, considering I've never seen
anyone get it right...

including my mentor,
Dr. Leaky at M.I.T....

I guess if anyone here
can solve that problem...

I'd see to it that none of you ever
have to open another math book again...

for the rest of your lives.

Max? Care to try it?

I'm sorry.
Did someone say my name?

You got it.

Fischer! Fischer! Fischer! Fischer! Fischer!

Thank you.

You guys have it real easy.

I never had it like this
where I grew up.

But I send my kids here
because, the fact is...

you go to one of the best schools
in the country:

- Rushmore.
- Shh.

Now, for some of you...

it doesn't matter.

You were born rich,
and you're going to stay rich.

But here's my advice
to the rest of you:

Take dead aim on the rich boys.

Get them in the crosshairs...

and take them down.

Just remember:
They can buy anything...

but they can't buy backbone.

Don't let them forget that.

Thank you.

Free for graduation, Herman?
Perhaps you could give us an encore.

- Nicholas! Copernicus!
- I don't give a shit.

I paid for the whole damn natatorium.

The least these little pricks can do
is hear me out.

- Hi, Dr. Guggenheim.
- Hello, Max.

Hello. I'm Max Fischer.

I just wanted to say that I strongly agree
with your views concerning Rushmore.

Um... your speech was excellent.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Hello.

- Oh, Mr. Blume, this is
my chapel partner, Dirk Calloway.

Nice to meet you, Dirk.

Well, thanks.

You know...

I really think you're right
about Rushmore.

Come on, Dirk.

- What's his name again?
- Max Fischer.

Sharp little guy.

He's one of the worst students we've got.

You! You're out!

We're putting you on what we call
"sudden death academic probation."

And what does that entail?

It entails that if you fail another class...

you'll be asked to leave Rushmore.

In other words, I'll be expelled.

That's correct.

Could I see some documentation
on that, please?

Too many extracurricular activities, Max.
Not enough studying.

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Guggenheim, I don't want
to tell you how to do your job...

but the fact is,
no matter how hard I try...

I still might flunk another class.

If that means I have to stay on for
a postgraduate year, then so be it, but —

We don't offer a postgraduate year.

Well... we don't offer it yet.

Just bring up the grades.

Do you remember
how I got into this school?

Yes. You wrote a play.

That's right. Second grade.

A little one-act about Watergate.

And my mother read it
and felt I should go to Rushmore.

And you read it, and you gave me
a scholarship, didn't you?

Mm-hmm.

- Do you regret it?
- No, I don't regret it.

But I still might have to expel you.

Couldn't —

Couldn't we just let me float by?

For old time's sake?

Can't do it, Max.

- They want to kick me out.
- Oh, no. Not again.

- What are you gonna do?
- The only thing I can do:

try and pull some strings
with the administration, I guess.

Did you hear they're
teaching Japanese next year?

That's the rumor.

- And they're canceling Latin.
- What?

I tried to get Latin canceled
for five years.

"It's a dead language,"
I'd always say.

Well, I guess they finally heard you.

Excuse me.

Could I please see a list
of all the people who've checked out
this book in the past year?

Why?

Look at that.

Hmm.

"I have seen wicked men and fools,
a great many of both;

and I believe
they both get paid in the end.

- But the fools first.

Chapter 15.
The Lad with the Silver Button."

- Meet me on the corner in 10 minutes.
- Where are you going?

I'll tell you in the squad car.

Oh, and, Willie...

you were wrong
about Enrique Sanchez.

He died in his sleep.

Excellent. That was excellent.

That was great. That was great.

Um, Irving. Could you get some root beers
for anybody who wants one?

- I don't want one, okay?
- Okay.

All right. Next scene.

Frank, you enter stage right
with a bag of cocaine.

I was just telling Mr. Calloway
the other day how fortunate we are...

to have someone like you
looking out for Dirk.

Oh, don't be silly.

Dirk's a great kid,
and I'm just trying to impart...

some of the experiences
I've accrued to help him.

This has my number on it
if you need to call me...

or need help with Dirk
or anything like that.

Well, thank you very much.

- Hello, Dirk.
- Hi, Mom.

- How are you, honey?
- Fine.

- Bye.
- Bye. It was so nice to see you again.

Hey, Dirk. How'd your math test go?

What math test?

I thought you had a math test today.

No. Did you turn in your paper
on the Berlin Airlift?

Yeah, I got an extension.

- Hey, George.
- So how'd it go with Mrs. Calloway?

We shook hands.

Big deal.

And I gave her my phone number.

Buchan said he'd have already
banged her by now.

What?

Just tell that deformed Scottish gorilla
to shut his fat face.

That's my best friend's mother
he's talking about.

I always thought that's why
you picked Dirk as your chapel partner.

What are you, a lawyer?

Hey, Mr. Blume.

Hey. It's Max Fischer.

Oh, hi.

Hey, Max. My mom just showed up.
Is it okay if I leave early? Over.

Sure, Charlie.

What's the secret, Max?

"The secret"?

Yeah. Well, you seem to
have it pretty figured out.

The secret. I don't know. Uh —

I think you just gotta find
something you love to do...

and then do it
for the rest of your life.

For me, it's going to Rushmore.

- Shotgun.
- Hey, Ronny. Hey, Donny. How you guys —

- Get in the back. I said "Shotgun."
- Get in the back, Donny.

Let's go.

- Did you invite that kid to your party?
- Max Fischer?

Come on, Dad.
There's gonna be girls there. I'd rather die.

Pull your head out of your ass.

- Good night, Mr. Littlejeans.
- Good night, Max.

I'll see you tomorrow.

~Jof

May I see the back, please?

Certainly.

How's that?

Thank you.

I need a signature
on this geometry test, by the way.

Let's see.

- Hmm.
- I know, I know.

A 37.

Oh, I don't know what to do anymore.

It could have been worse.

You almost got the "A."

"Almost got the 'A?
Dad, what are you writing?

[ Max I Maybe I'm spending too much
of my time starting up clubs...

and putting on plays.

That's possible.

I should probably be trying harder
to score chicks.

That's the only thing
anybody really cares about.

It's not my forte, unfortunately.

It'll happen, Max. It's just —

You're like one of
those clipper ship captains.

You're married to the sea.

Yes, that's true.

But I've been out to sea
for a long time.

Hello.

Hi.

I like your hat.

Oh, thank you.

You're a teacher here, aren't you?

And this is your first year
at Rushmore, I take it.

Uh-huh.

And how long have you been a smoker,
if you don't mind me asking?

Well, let's see now.

- H-How old are you?
- Fifteen.

- Since I was your age.
- You're kidding.

You should quit.

You're right.

And I should mind my own business.

Where did you go to school,
by the way?

- Harvard.
- Really?

That's a coincidence.

My top schools where I want to apply to
are Oxford and the Sorbonne.

My safety's Harvard.

- That's very ambitious.
- Thank you.

What do you want to study?

Well... I haven't decided for sure...

but probably a double major
in mathematics and premed.

What was your major?

I didn't have a major, but my thesis
was on Latin American economic policy.

Oh, that's interesting. Did you hear they're
not going to teach Latin here anymore?

This was more like Central America.

Oh, Central America and whatnot.
Hmm.

But moving on:
They're gonna cancel Latin.

They've got to make room for Japanese.

That's a shame because all the Romance
languages are based on Latin.

Yeah, they are, aren't they?

Nihilo sanctum estne?

What's that?

Oh, it's Latin, isn't it?
What does that mean?

Is nothing sacred?

Sic transit gloria.

Glory fades.

I'm Max Fischer.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Come on, come on. File out.
- Sign here, please.

- Sic transit gloria.
- All right, all right.

In summation,
I have only one question:

Is Latin dead?

oJ The concrete and the clay
beneath my feet,

Why don't you just
piss off, Fischer, you dotty wee skid mark?

Was that Latin?

Never in my wildest imagination...

did I ever dream
I would have sons like these.

- What's your dad do, Max?

He's a neurosurgeon
at, uh, St. Joseph's Hospital.

Personally, I could never see myself
cutting open somebody's brain...

but he seems to enjoy it.

- Oh, no, no, no. I got this one.

So you were in Vietnam,
if I'm not mistaken?

- Yeah.

- Were you in the shit?

Yeah, I was in the shit.

- See you Sunday, Mr. Blume.

All right.

What's on Sunday?

Oh, that's right.
The twins' birthday party.

Do you want to come?

I'd love to, except I've already got
a previous obligation to attend to.

- Yeah. Thanks for the invitation though.

Come work for me.

- What do you mean?
- I mean, I-I-l could use someone like you.

Look, I may not be rich, Mr. Blume.

My father may only be a doctor,
but we manage.

One-twelves!

Excuse me, Mr. Blume.
Nice talking to you.

- You're on the team?
- I'm an alternate.

How you doin'?
Good to see you again.

Whoa. Neat.

- Miss Cross?

I thought I'd just let you know
as per our conversation the other day —

- Latin?
- Right. The Romance languages.

- Well, I gave a little speech.
- I heard about this.

Oh, you did?

I understand you made
a very convincing argument.

I just thought you'd be pleased to hear
they're gonna continue the Latin program.

I'm very impressed.

Well, thank you very much.

Hey, you need an assistant?

Do we get to have
an assistant around here?

No, I doubt it.

I'm on scholarship though —
academic scholarship —

so I get to do odd jobs and —

Say, how did you decide
to teach at Rushmore?

My husband went here.

l, uh —

I didn't know you were married.

Well, he's dead now.

So I'm not, actually.

When did he die?

Last year.

My mother's dead.

I'm sorry to hear that.

She died when I was seven.

I guess we both have dead people
in our families.

What's going on in here?

These were just born.

I don't want alloys.
I want steel.

I don't give a rat's ass what he says.

Steel, Harry.

So you've changed your mind,
and you want the job?

No. But I've got an idea,
and I need some money.

What Rushmore needs
is an aquarium —

a first-class aquarium —
where the scientists can lecture...

and the students can observe
the marine life in its natural habitat.

I don't know.
What do you think, Ernie?

An aquarium? What kind of fish?

Barracudas, stingrays,
electric eel, trout...

hammerheads, piranha,
giant squid, octopi —

Piranhas? Really?

Yes, I'm talking to a guy
in South America.

- What'd Guggenheim say?
- Nothing. I felt I should go to you first.

Why?

Because at this moment, I feel
the best strategy is to keep it low profile.

The more preparation work I can do...

the stronger our case will be
when we take it to the administration.

How much money do you want?

$35,000, for the initial plans.

I'll give you 2,500.

Okay.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Max?
- Mm-hmm?

- Can I ask you something?
- Sure.

Has it ever crossed your mind
that you're far too young for me?

It crossed my mind that you might
consider that a possibility. Yeah.

Quite apart from the fact
that you're a student —

I'm not trying to pressure you
into anything, Miss Cross.

I'm surprised
you brought it up so bluntly.

- I just want to make sure —

- We've become friends, haven't we?
- Yes.

Good.

And, um...

the — the truth is
neither one of us has the slightest idea...

where this relationship is going.

We can't predict the future.

We don't have a relationship, Max.

- But we're friends.
- Yes, and that's all we're going to be.

That's all I meant by "relationship."

You want me to grab a dictionary?

No. I just want to make sure
that we understand each other.

I understand.

You're not attracted to me.

C'est Ia vie.

Max, you're 15 years old.

Attraction doesn't enter into it.

If you say so.

Look, all I'm getting at is that —

that I've never met anyone like you.

So you can take that
for whatever it's worth.

I think I can safely say
I've never met anyone like you either.

You haven't, have you?

Want to shake hands?

I'm glad we had this conversation.

So am I.

I can't wear a wire.
They're feeling me up every day.

Oh, come on, Frank.
You'll have complete protection.

Yeah, I've heard that one before.

- I gotta put a dime in the meter.
- Sit down, Frank.

Joe, go put a dime in the meter
for Officer Serpico.

Look, Serpico, if you agree
to testify in open court —

- No!
- No, what?

No, I'm not gonna testify.

Go, go, go.

I'll expect your gun and your badge
on my desk —

- Promise me one thing, O'Reilly.
- Name it.

That you're gonna follow this thing
all the way to the end...

- of the line... where I got to be.

So help me God.

Someone coming out of the building.
- I've got something!

- Wait. This could be it.
- There's action across the street.

- Yeah, it's him.
- It's Snowman.

[ Radio Transmission Continues,
Indiistinct I

- He's getting on the el train!
- Take him!

- What happened to the cannoli line?
- Max —

You're supposed to say, "Forget about it,
Sanchez. The old man likes his cannolis."

Look, I made a mistake, all right?
It didn't make any difference anyway.

Hey, I'm letting it go,
but don't say it doesn't matter.

- Every line matters.
- Get off my back!

Don't fuck with my play!

- You fucking cocksucker —
- Hey, break it up. Break it up.

I'm gonna Kill you.

Max. Max.

I thought the acting tonight
was excellent.

Thanks.
Well, it was better in rehearsals.

I'll catch up with you later, Dad.
I got a dinner to go to.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. Cast and crew only.

- Oh. You need some money?
- No, Dad.

- Well, how was the slap?
- It was good.

There he is.
Max, that was great.

I'm so glad you could come.

I want you to meet a friend of mine.
Peter Flynn, Max Fischer.

Hi.

Who's this guy?

Peter.

I really liked your play.
It was really cool.

Yeah.

What happened to your nose?

- I got punched in the face.
- Oh, boy.

What's your excuse?

Hey, author.

- How you doing?
- Nice job.

- Thank you.
- Gonna get to meet your dad tonight?

Oh, no. The old man's on call.

Mr. Blume, I'd like you
to meet Miss Cross —

And I didn't catch
this young gentleman's name.

I like your nurse's uniform, guy.

These are O.R. scrubs.

- "O.R." they?

Well, they're totally inappropriate
for the occasion.

Well, I didn't know
we were going to dinner.

That's because you weren't invited.

Take it easy, Max.

You were the one that ordered him
a whiskey and soda.

So what's wrong with that?

I can write a hit play. Why can't I have
a little drink to unwind myself?

So, tell me, curly,
how do you know Miss Cross?

- We went to Harvard together.
- Oh, that's great.

I wrote a hit play and directed it.

So I'm not sweating it either.

Can we get a check, please?

- What do you think you're doing?
- Getting the check.

No, you're not. Excuse me.

I just want to thank you
for accommodating us.

You see, we only thought
we were going to be three...

but, uh, someone invited himself along,
so I apologize.

- Quite all right, sir.
- Okay.

Very well.

You're being rude, Max.

- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.

No, I'm not. I'm just trying to figure out why
you brought this gentleman to my play...

and my dinner,
which was invitation only.

Would you like me
to pass you the creamer, Doc?

Yes, please.

- What is wrong with you?
- What is wrong with you?

You hurt my feelings!
This night was important to me!

How did I hurt your feelings?

Oh, my God!

I wrote a hit play!

And I'm in love with you.

Put that a little bit there.

Put that a little bit there.

Hi.

Were you hiding over there?

Uh, I didn't want to disrupt class.

What's that you're painting?

That's a — a jellyfish.

What can I do for you, Mr. Blume?

Max wants to talk to you.

What for?

To apologize, I think.

Should we talk over here?

- He sent you?
- Yeah.

Are you his messenger?

- No, I'm his friend.

You were right.
I should not have allowed him to drink.

I don't think
I should see Max anymore.

Well, he's not gonna like
the sound of that.

No. No, I know, but...

I think I let him get too attached.

What do you think?

Well, I think you did your best.

Tell him 'm sorry.

Okay.

What is your first name?

Rosemary.

What's yours?

Herman.

He wrote you a letter.

Dear Miss Cross...

I would like to take this opportunity
to formally apologize...

for the events
of the night of the 23rd.

I'm not accustomed
to drinking alcohol.

Please do me the service
of coming to the unveiling
of a new venture I've undertaken.

I hope you will attend, if possible.

I remain your friend, Max Fischer.

Jd

Cut the music,
and no more pictures.

- What time is it, Alan?
- 1:15.

Excuse me, gentlemen.
Hey, lay off the chips, Buchan.

- Did you see her?

- She's not here.
- Well, go check her classroom.

Shall I go ahead
and take care of this tree?

- Let's wait a few minutes.
- What's going on here, Maxie?

Oh, hey, Coach Beck.
Good to see you.

This is where
we're putting in the new aquarium.

I'm in charge of the committee,
if you can believe it.

This is my baseball diamond.

Yeah, I know, and I believe
it's being relocated a few feet over.

Is it true the aquarium
will have piranhas?

- Where did you hear that?
- My source indicated that it was a possibility.

Yes, it's true, but piranhas
are a very tricky species.

Max?

Excuse me, George.

- Bad news.
- What's the story?

- She had a substitute teacher today.
- Why?

- I guess she got sick.
- You know she's not sick.

Give me the phone.

Janet. Max Fischer.
Is Mr. Blume there?

Well, where is he?

Goddamn it.
He's supposed to be here.

- I don't give a shit about the barracudas...

but fuck it, I'm building it anyway.

- Max!

Where are those damn
chain saws coming from?

- He's right over there!
- Max! Max!

Oh, hello, Dr. Guggenheim.

What the hell
do you think you're doing?

- We're having a fund-raiser for the —
- Turn that damn thing off!

Tell me this isn't happening.

Dr. Guggenheim, I'd rather not have
this conversation in front of my crew.

...chapter seven.

One more thing.
We have a new student with us today.

His name's Max Fischer...

and he's actually asked
to say a few words to the class.

Max, do you want to take it away?

Sure. Thanks very much.

I just wanted to introduce myself.

I'm Max Fischer.

I'm a former student
of Rushmore Academy...

which I recently got expelled from.

This is my first time
in a public school.

I know you probably think I was born
with a silver spoon in my mouth...

but I'm no elitist.

I think you've got some great facilities...

and I'm really looking forward to making
the best of it here at Grover Cleveland.

One footnote.

I notice you don't have a fencing team.

Well, I'm gonna try my hardest
to start one up for you guys.

- Max?
- Yes?

Hi. I'm Margaret Yang.
I'm in Mrs. Whitney's class.

I just wanted to tell you
that I liked your speech.

Thank you.

I don't think I've ever heard of anyone
asking to give a speech in class before.

No? How unfortunate.

The silver spoon remark
might rub some people the wrong way.

- But I think I know —
- What do you mean?

- Well —
- You know what?

I gotta go into class in here.
I'll see you later, Mrs. Chang.

- En garde!

Janet. Max Fischer. Is he in?

- Yeah?

Okay.

- Hey, Max, how's it going?
- Terrible.

Tell me something. When you talked
to Miss Cross the other day —

Do you have a telephone pass?
Excuse me.

- Do you have a telephone pass?
- One second.

I gotta tell ya,
I don't know what you see in her.

I don't think she's right for you.

What's that supposed to mean?

I mean, she's not that beautiful.

She's not that intriguing.

I mean, she has something
that you can't put your finger on, but —

Look, Mr. Blume, your comments
are valuable, but let's get to the point.

- Son?
- Will she see me again, yes or no?

- No.
- Hang on.

- I'm talking on the telephone.

Oh, come on.
That's rude.

Hey, Fischer.

You better beat it, sonny.

You know, Fischer,
I've been watching you.

Showboat. Always talkin'.

Picking a kid like Dirk
because his mother's a great piece...

and then getting nowhere.

Like everything you do.

Big show. No results.

What do you call getting a hand job from
Mrs. Calloway in the back of her Jaguar?

A fucking lie.

You think I got kicked out
for just the aquarium?

Nah. It was the hand job.

You want to know something else?
It was worth it.

I'm sorry I embarrassed you at dinner.

And please apologize
to what's-his-name for me.

I will.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine, but I miss Rushmore.

I miss the seasons.

Watching the leaves change.

By the way,
what time does the library close?

I've got an overdue book to turn in.

That is your handwriting, isn't it?

My husband gave me this book...

when he came to visit England
when I was 13.

And he went to Rushmore,
so when he died...

I gave it to the library here.

You remind me of him, you know?

I do?

How?

Well...

you were a member of
the Rushmore Beekeepers, weren't you?

Yeah. I was president of them.

He founded that club.

Do you think we can
be friends again, Miss Cross?

In-In a strictly platonic way?

Of course I do.

Do you think you can make a go of it
and settle down at Grover Cleveland?

Yeah, but I need a tutor.

Fighting Owls, let's go!

oJ And you're forever
talking on the phone.)

- / try to call you names

Let's go!

- Alan's got the birds for your approval.
- I'll take the green one.

- And here's the knife.
- That's too fake.

- Hi, Max.
- Hello.

- What's your name again?
- Margaret Yang.

Margaret Yang. What are you doing
seventh period, Margaret Yang?

I have guitar lessons.

- Classical guitar or — In what school?
- Rock.

Ro — That's good.
We can get you out of that.

Could I see you
without your glasses on, please?

Let's put Margaret down
for 3:30 in the auditorium, Woody.

Thank you.

And-And bring a head shot, please.

Hello, Herman.

- How are you, Rosemary?
- I'm fine, thanks.

I just got home,
and I'm having a little snack.

- Having some carrots?
- Yeah.

Nice house.

Yeah. Um, it isn't mine.

I'm just sort of house-sitting.

Um... you were in the neighborhood?

Uh... did Max have something
planned for us today?

A trip to the museum or something?

No, I don't think so.
I think he's rehearsing tonight.

Oh, that's right.
He's doing his new play.

Yeah, he's really making a go of it
over there at Grover Cleveland.

Yeah, he's doing very well, isn't he?

Do you want a carrot?

Yeah, I'll have one of those.

Thank you.

Well, I'll probably be seeing you soon.

Or we could go for a walk now,
if you like.

Sure.

The weather's nice, isn't it?

A little brisk.

I'll just get a sweater.
I'll be back in a minute.

Dirk?

I know about you and the teacher.

Does Max know?

No, and I don't want him
to know, ever.

I just want it to stop right now.

You're a married man, Blume...

and you're supposed to be his friend.

Look, Dirk, I am his friend.

Oh, yeah. And with friends like you,
who needs friends?

Unlock it!

Little Calloway.

You're standing up for the wrong guy.
Fischer ain't your mate.

What are you talking about, Buchan?

He thinks your mom's good for a bonk.

That's the only reason
he picked you as his chapel partner.

- Who sold you that crock?
- He told me himself.

He says she gave him a hand job
in the backseat of her bloody Jaguar.

Max would never say that.

Yeah. I suppose you're right.

After all, the son of a brain doctor...

doesn't need to impress anybody
now, does he?

The killing's gotta stop, esse.
It's getting too loco.

- No more gats.
- Nigger, you're the crazy one.

People be trying to kill you.

Are you talkin' about
you're gonna get rid of your gun?

It's time, homey.

Kiss me, Little Juan.

All right, then he kisses her
and we're out. Okay.

Is that for me?

Dear Max, I am sorry to say
that I have secretly found out...

that Mr. Blume is having an affair
with Miss Cross.

My first suspicions came when I saw them
Frenching in front of her house...

and then I knew for sure
when they went skinny-dipping
in Mr. Blume's swimming pool...

giving each other hand jobs while
you were taking a nap on the front porch.

Why am I telling you this now?

Because you're such a good friend.

Take care, pal.

Fondly, Dirk Calloway.

God.

How was she, Herman?

Jesus Christ.

Was she good? I bet she was.

Although, I wouldn't know
'cause I never screwed her.

Going skinny-dipping while I took a nap.

"Are you comfortable, Max?

I'll just, uh, be out back, nude, getting
hand jobs from the woman you love."

We never went skinny-dipping.

Sure you didn't.

And next you're gonna tell me you didn't just
walk out of her house at 2:00 in the morning.

I'm in love with her.

Well, I was in love with her first.

And all that crap about...

"I don't think she's that great.
I don't think she's right for you, Max."

That was all bullshit, wasn't it?

Do you think she's in love with you?

I don't know.

Well, I guarantee you she's not,
and she never will be.

Max.

I saved Latin.

What did you ever do?

On the planet I come from...

the sun only comes out once a year.

- /' From a tiny piece of colored glass

- That is why my skin —
- Excuse me.

I just came by to thank you
for wrecking my life.

Max, what are you doing?

Hello, Mrs. Blume.
This is Max Fischer.

I have some information
regarding your husband.

Please return my call on my voice mail:
Grover Cleveland High School, extension 23.

- Thank you very much.

Thank you for meeting me.

You're welcome.

Would you like a sandwich?

All right.

I have a tuna
and peanut butter and jelly.

Sorry it's not something more exotic.

- I'll take the tuna fish.
- Okay.

Milk or apple juice?

Get to the point.

- Okay.

- Your husband's —

And how long will you
be staying with us, Mr. Blume?

Indefinitely.
I'm being sued for divorce.

- Very good, sir.
- Yo, shorty.

Say, can you tell me
where the pool is located?

I might want to take a dip
after I have dinner and hit the bar.

It's on the roof, sir.

- / Dang, dang

- / You are forgiven,'
- / You are forgiven,'

- / You are forgiven,'
- / You are forgiven,'

He's about 5-foot-3, 112 pounds...

black hair, glasses, oval face.

- / You are forgiven,'
- / You are forgiven,'

- / Forgiven
- / Know you're forgiven)

Thanks for bailing me out, Dad.
Can you drop me off at Rushmore?

- I gotta go get a teacher fired.
- I don't think that's wise, Max.

Whoa! What are you doing?
What are you doing?

This is private property.
You're trespassing!

What, are you crazy?

Wait a minute!

Stop!
Let's have a truce for a second.

Wait! Truce! Truce!

What's this all about?

Did you say my mom
gave you a hand job?

- What?
- Did you say it?

Who told you that goddamn lie?

Never mind. I know who said it.
And I'm gonna stick a knife in his heart.

Then I'm gonna send him
back to Ireland in a body bag.

He's from Scotland.

Well, tell that stupid mick he just made
my list of things to do today.

I'm gonna pop a cap in his ass.

So you received the package?

Good.

I just wanted to inform you
about what's going on.

I never took you for an informer, Max.

What's that supposed to mean?

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She resigned this morning
before I even got your little snapshots.

So your latest attempt
at sabotage backfired.

But she's one of the best teachers you've got.
How could you let her go?

- Why are you trying to get her fired?
- You stupid old fool!

- I'm trying to win her back!

Miss Cross?

Hi, Max.

- Need any help?
- No, I have it.

- Oh, damn.
- Oh, here. Let me see.

No. Please, look.
I don't think you should come in here.

Look, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

I'm sorry I love your friend
instead of you, but —

Please, Max —

You honestly believe you love Blume
instead of me?

Yes.

Well, you'll have to forgive me
if I don't take your word for that.

- Oh, stop.
- Miss Cross.

Listen, if you don't stop,
I'm gonna lose it. I mean it! Don't —

It's too late.

It's too late.

Wait. Please.

- I got kicked out because of you.
- No, you got kicked out —

Rushmore was my life.

Now you are.

No, I'm not.

What do you really think
is gonna happen between us?

Do you think we're gonna have sex?

That's a kind of cheap way to put it.

Not if you've ever fucked before,
it isn't.

Oh, my God.

How would you describe it
to your friends?

Would you say
that you'd fingered me?

Or maybe I could give you a hand job.
Would that put an end to all of this?

Please get out of my classroom.

Fisher, you spotty wee fuckup.

Hey, Magnus.

Got any good hand jobs lately?

- Hey, Dirk! Look who's here.

It's your stepfather, waiting for your mom
so that he can get a piece.

Your mind's as warped as your ear,
Buchan.

Don't get nasty, brother.

We got him, Dirk.

We got him.

Max?

Oh, hey, Mr. Blume.

You said you wanted to meet?

Wh-When?

Right now. You said you wanted
to put an end to all this.

Oh, yeah. I, uh, was gonna try and have
that tree over there fall on you.

That big one?

Yup.

It would have flattened me
like a pancake.

What stopped you?

I don't know. What's the point?

She loves you.

She's my Rushmore, Max.

Yeah, I know. She was mine too.

- Hello.
- Hi.

I was wondering if Max was home.

- He's not in.
- / Oh, yes, you will find out

- Well, it happens all the time

- / Oh, we're waiting ./,)
- Good night, Stan.

Merry Christmas.
See you next time.

It's been nice having your company
here at the shop, Max.

You put any more thought
into giving school another shot?

No.

Max, I like being a barber.
I'm good at it.

But I always thought
you'd try another line of work.

You talked about
being a senator or a diplomat.

Pipe dreams, Dad.

I'm a barber's son.

See you at dinner.

- Hello, Dirk.
- Hi, Max.

- What can I do for you?
- I thought I might get a haircut.

We're closed.

Well, I just want to say
I'm sorry I threw rocks at you that day.

But I guess I'll go now.

Merry Christmas.

What in the hell's that?

So, did you hear the news?

I doubt it. I don't really
follow the news anymore.

Dr. Guggenheim had a stroke.

I'll send him a box of candy.

Maybe you ought to go visit him.

Mrs. Guggenheim?

Hello, Max. Come in.

It's so good to see you.

Oh, these are glorious.
Ill put them in some water.

Have a seat.

Should I say hello to Dr. Guggenheim
or can he not hear me?

No, he can hear you.

Hey, old-timer.

It's, uh, Max Fischer.

You probably can't hear me because...

I don't know if your brain
is damaged or —

What do you want?

- Nelson?

That's the first thing he's said
in 10 days.

Do you think he recognized me?

Oh, I don't think so.

It's Fischer.

See ya later. Bye.
Hope you feel better.

Hey, amigo.

So, who gave you the shiner?

- Either Ronny or Donny.

Can't tell the difference anymore.

Well, whichever one it was
really clocked you.

Hmm.

Kids don't like it
when their parents get divorced.

- I don't blame 'em.
- Neither do I.

How is she?

I really wouldn't know.

- Why not?
- I haven't seen her in six weeks.

What happened?

- She left?
- Yeah.

She's in love with a dead guy anyway.

Edward Appleby.

You know, uh...

she's sweet, but she's fucked-up.

- Adios, muchacho.

Hey, are you okay?

Mmm. I'm a little bit lonely
these days.

Max?

What are you doing here?

I don't know. Jesus.
They came at me out of nowhere.

- It was so sudden.
- What?

I'm sorry. Can I use your phone?
I just got hit by a car.

Oh, my God. A-A-Are you okay?

- Hmm? What did you say?

- Come inside.
- Thank you.

- 'm gonna get something for your head.
- Okay.

So, this is where it all happens.

- All what happens?
- I wouldn't know.

- So, why did you dump Blume?

That's none of your business.

I know it's not.

But I just got hit by a car,
and I'm a little confused right now.

I mean, I thought you dumped me
for Blume. Then I hear —

I never dumped you
because we were never going out.

It would just help me
if you talked to me for a minute.

Tell me what happened.

Okay.

Um, A: He's married.

He hates himself.

And C: Well...

he smashed up your bicycle,
didn't he?

My previous bicycle, yes.

Well, what sort of a person
does something like that?

I don't know.

War does funny things to men.

He thinks you dumped him
because of Edward Appleby.

What does that mean?

Well, I mean, you live in his room...

with all his stuff. It's kind of —

I was married to him.

I know you were.

Although, I will say that Edward
has more spark and character...

and imagination
in one fingernail...

than Herman Blume has
in his entire body.

One dead fingernail.

Right.

One dead fingernail.

How did he die, by the way?

He drowned.

How did your mother die?

She got cancer.

Hold still for a moment, okay?

You're very pretty.

Thank you.

Is this fake blood?

Yes, itis.

You know, you and Herman
deserve each other.

You're both little children.

Let me show you the door.

I'll just go back out the window.

- o/o/

Good-bye, Miss Cross.

Good-bye, Max.

Hey.

I'm, uh —

I'm sorry about what I said
about your mom giving me a hand job.

I know, Max.

I'm sorry I didn't take your hand
when Buchan kicked your ass.

Hey, uh, that's okay.

What's that?

I don't know.

Nice landing.

What's, uh — What's that you got there,
a little flight plan or something?

Hmm. Pretty good.

- Do you know Dirk Calloway?
- I don't think so.

Dirk, this is Margaret Yang.

I, uh, heard about your science project
on Action 13.

They said the Navy wants
to buy it from you. That's —

- No, not anymore.
- Why not?

Because it was a fake.

- What do you mean?
- I faked all the results.

- Why?
- Because it didn't work.

I thought it would, but it didn't.

You were a real jerk to me,
you know that?

I'm sorry, Margaret.

Well, anyway, nice to see you.

Do you want to take over for a while?

Take dictation, please.

Possible candidates
for Kite Flying Society.

- /* To the wind of my soul
- Greg Holloway. Duncan Wright.

Margaret Yang. Woody Jackson.
Shoeshine Pickens.

- Thanks for meeting me, Mr. Blume.
- What can I do for you?

What's this?

That's the Perfect Attendance Award
and the Punctuality Award.

I thought you could choose
which one you like more...

and you could wear that one,
and I could wear the other.

I'll take Punctuality.

Okay.

Come here.

Thank you.

Come on inside.

Well, well, well, well.
Look what the cat dragged in.

- Sorry I'm late.

That's okay.

I want you to meet someone.

Mr. Blume,
this is my father, Bert Fischer.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Fischer.

Now Mr. Fischer was my father's name.
Call me Bert, please.

- Okay, Bert.
- So, Max tells me you need a haircut.

I can see that. Why don't you sit down,
and we'll have a look.

Mm-hmm.

I don't know, Bert.

Don't worry, Mr. Blume.
It's a relatively painless procedure.

- Maybe we'll throw in a shave as well.

Okay. Are you fond of that mustache?

Do you think you want to
keep it for a while? Mm-hmm.

- How much are you worth, by the way?
- I don't know.

- Over 10 million?
- Yeah, I guess so.

- Good, good.
- Why?

'Cause we're gonna need all of it.

o My love will turn you on}

Je

She's not coming, is she?

Hmm. Doesn't look good.

- But don't worry. Come on, Herman.

- Shit. What am I doing here?
- Hey!

- Scatter. Scatter.
- Damn it!

How in the hell did you ever get so rich?

You're a quitter, man!

I paid eight million dollars for this.

And that's all you're prepared to spend?

I'm, uh, sorry you couldn't make it
to our little groundbreaking the other day.

It's kind of a shame
since he's building it for you.

Well, you know, I never asked anyone
to build me an aquarium.

I'm not quite sure
how that rumor got started.

Me neither.

You think Edward Appleby
would have built one for you?

Yeah, I think he would have,
if he'd had the money.

That's what I thought.

Blume's got a bit more spark and vitality
than you expected, doesn't he?

I thought the aquarium was your idea.

Well, I gave it to my friend.

- Fifteen sticks?
- Yes, please.

And...

could you make the order out
to Ready Demolition...

Tucson, Arizona?

Thank you very much.

Make sure these don't get wet.

I'll see you at 3:15.

- Where are you going?
- Rushmore.

I've got one last piece
of unfinished business to attend to.

- Fischer, you fuck!
- Hello, Magnus.

I'd have shot you in the other ear,
but it got blown off a long time ago.

Besides, now we're even.

Not for long, Kemo Sabe.

We'll see.

I got a proposition for you.

Well, you can stick it up your mother's ass,
you little prick.

I gotta hand it to you, Magnus.

You've got a way with words.

You want to be in a play?

What's all that shite?

Nothing.

I just think you're right for the part.

I always wanted to be
in one of your fucking plays.

I know you did, mate.

This is gonna be exciting.
My son Max wrote it.

- Oh, boy. I gotta call the hospital.

Excuse me. Are you Mrs. Whitney,
the English teacher?

Yes.

Hi. I'm William Yang,
Margaret Yang's father.

- This is my wife, Lucille.
- Nice to meet you.

- Hello.
- That kid's gonna burn this place down.

You better believe it.

Well, the plans were never
formally submitted to the city.

- Were they supposed to be?
- I assume so.

- Too late now.
Officers Brooks and Donovan...

requesting additional units
at Grover Cleveland High School.

Units responding, identify.

The program.
Let me look at that. Turn it. Turn it.

That's enough.

- Excuse me. Right here.
- Thanks.

Hi, Herman.

Looks like Max
pulled a fast one on us.

Thank you very much.

I don't usually do this,
but this play means a lot to me...

and I wanted to make a dedication.

So, I'll just say that this play is dedicated
to the memory of my mother...

Eloise Fischer...

and to Edward Appleby,
a friend of a friend.

Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses
and some earplugs...

underneath your seats.

Please feel free to use them.
Thank you very much.

Bravo Company,
this is Tango 7. Do you copy?

We order the military forces
of the United States to take action —

- This is a different kind of war.

We are making progress,
Progress, progress, progress.

Take point, Surf Boy!

How long you been in country, soldier?

I ain't even here, Sergeant.

I'm in Cheyenne, Wyoming.

Right on, brother.

- Hoo. Hoo-hoo.

- Let's rock, Esposito!

- I repeat, let's rock!

- Let's rock and roll!

Lock and load, Surf Boy!

Nape it, now!

Fischer!

I'm okay. Go, go, go, go.

- Damn it!
- Take it easy, Dirk.

- How much time do we got, Wood?
- Two minutes.

All right. Bring me some more ketchup
very quickly, please.

- Effects!
- This is gonna look stupid.

No, it's not. It's gonna look real.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Hold this one too, okay?

So, what do you think
of Max's latest opus?

It's good.

But let's hope it's got a happy ending.

Adios, Esposito.

Adios, Sarge.

Say a prayer for Surf Boy...

wherever he is.

Semper fi, soldier. Semper fi.

Sic transit gloria.

Maybe we'll meet again someday...

when the fighting stops.

Tag 'em and bag 'em, cherries!
We're movin' out!

Hello, Esposito.

Will you marry me, Le-Chahn?

You bet I will.

That's my son.
That's my Maxie.

I just didn't expect to see you here.

Did Max send you an invitation?

Yeah, and he told me to wear a tie.

- Congratulations, Max.
- Thank you very much, Mrs. Yang.

I, uh, actually wrote a different version
of the play two years ago...

but I couldn't get it done
over at Rushmore.

- Oh, really? Why?
- Too political?

No, a kid got his finger blown off
during rehearsals.

A very good evening
to you, Fischers. Hi.

Miss Cross, I'd like for you
to meet my father, Bert Fischer.

He's a barber.

This is my friend, Rosemary Cross.

- Hello, Rosemary.
- Nice to meet you at last, Bert.

Of course you know Mr. Blume.

I'd also like everyone
to meet Mr. and Mrs. Yang.

- This is Margaret.
- Hello, Margaret.

It's nice to meet you, Miss Cross.

I'm surprised they let him build
a real campfire on the stage.

It's clearly a safety hazard.

- Well, last year he tried to raise piranhas.
- Yeah, I know he did.

- What did you think, Mr. Littlejeans?
- Best play ever, man.

I thought it was
a very realistic performance.

Yeah? Fischer stepped over
half my bloody lines.

That's funny. I didn't notice.

Mr. Blume, how are Ronny and Donny
enjoying military school?

- They love it.
- Lucky bastards.

I understand
you're a neurosurgeon.

No, I'm a barber.
But a lot of people make that mistake.

You were incredible tonight, Margaret.

- You were that poor girl.
- Thank you.

I loved it when you grabbed onto the bottom
of the chopper as it was taking off.

- That was totally improvised.
- I know.

- Can I ask you a question?
- Of course.

Can you do an Australian accent?

I'm working on something
that's set in the outback.

I really feel like celebrating, you know?

Would you care to dance?

Oh, yes, I would love to.

- Great.
- Come on.

You're looking good, Bert.

Hello, Mr. Blume.

Hello, Margaret. May I cut in?

I haven't had a chance to cut a rug
with your new girlfriend yet.

Ah, new girlfriend.

Yes, I am.

Find your own dance partner, Mr. Blume.
I'm spoken for.

No, it's okay.

He's my friend.

Well... you pulled it off.

Yeah, it went okay.

At least nobody got hurt.

Except you.

No, I didn't get hurt that bad.

Come on, you two. Shake a leg.

Would you like to dance?

Yeah, but — Here, let's see if the deejay
can play something with a little more —

Reuben!

oJ Makes you wonder where you are