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1
00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:06,200
# After you've gone
and left me crying
2
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:10,280
# After you've gone,
there's no denying
3
00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:14,880
# Some day, when you grow lonely
4
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:18,960
# Your heart will break like mine
and you'll want me only
5
00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:23,800
# After you've gone,
after you've gone away. #
6
00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:33,280
Dad, it's gone 12.
Aren't you gonna get dressed?
7
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:35,520
I am dressed, for the weekend.
8
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:40,520
I have the TV guide,
I have the remote and I have
a full day of televised sport.
9
00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:44,200
Cricket, football, curling,
then Doctor Who as a little
10
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:48,960
palate cleanser, and then
a full evening of snooker.
11
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:53,120
Well, whatever keeps you happy
in the twilight of your years!
12
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,320
What's up?
13
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,320
What have you got in your mouth?
14
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,520
I think it's a Praline Whisper.
15
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,600
Those are my chocolates! Anything
16
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,600
in the fridge is common property.
17
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:07,320
Why didn't you eat the brown thing
that used to be a lettuce?
18
00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:10,560
Ssh, ssh. Just keep it down,
you two.
19
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:14,200
Those are from Craig. I was saving
the last one for sentimental value.
20
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,560
It was near its "best before" date,
it was almost a health hazard.
21
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,840
Oh, so that's why you ate it?
Not because you're a greedy pig?!
22
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,520
I was saving you
from childhood obesity.
23
00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:28,400
And now you're calling me obese?
24
00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:28,400
You said I was greedy.
25
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,200
I don't want to talk about it.
I don't.
26
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:33,560
Shut up, then. No, you shut up.
No, you shut up. No, you shut up.
27
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,600
Will you just shut up
somewhere else?!
28
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,600
Fat head.
Don't you call me a fat head.
29
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,640
If anyone's got a fat head, it's you!
30
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:45,800
Yoo-hoo! >
31
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:50,480
Morning, Jimmy! Where are
Molly and Alex? I don't know.
32
00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:53,840
You don't know where
your own children are?
33
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:58,120
Yeah, my own children
who aren't electronically tagged.
34
00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:01,880
They'll be hanging out in their
rooms or robbing a Post Office.
35
00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:05,560
Hanging out is for bats and washing.
36
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:09,560
I've just been thinking,
Saturday is family time.
37
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,200
Sounds awful.
38
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:15,120
Nevertheless, I think we should
spend our weekend together,
interacting.
39
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:18,520
I am interacting,
with that telly, all day.
40
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:23,160
Alex, Molly,
will you come down here? Now?
41
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:26,120
Can't you just let them relax?
42
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:30,520
Couch potato parents
form couch potato children.
43
00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:33,560
And they all live together
in a couch potato house.
44
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:40,200
Patrick and I always said
you can't underestimate
the bonding value of a hobby.
45
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,920
Yeah, reading is a hobby.
46
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:46,040
Our family had so many,
collecting shells from the shore,
47
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,880
making model soldiers,
picking mushrooms in the woods.
48
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:53,600
So that's how you found the
toadstool that did in poor Patrick!
49
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,120
Oh, no!
50
00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:01,160
Look, Diana, don't worry,
it was just a lucky guess.
51
00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:01,160
No-one else knows.
52
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,800
They can't pin it on you now,
it was years ago!
53
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,400
But I'm sure he's glad
of the peace and quiet.
54
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,560
For God's sake, stop babbling,
you idiot.
55
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:12,960
Today is the 11th anniversary
of Patrick's death and I forgot it.
56
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,960
Well, now you've remembered it,
problem solved.
57
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:21,120
Every anniversary without fail
I go to visit his grave,
but today I forgot.
58
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,320
Well, it just means you've moved on.
59
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,440
I don't move on, I'm a Conservative.
60
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,880
What's the time? 10 past 12. Right.
61
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:33,160
Molly, Alex,
we're going on a family excursion.
62
00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:36,920
Family.
63
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:44,720
Only Gran could bring us
to a graveyard for a day out.
64
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,440
Just think of it
as getting her used to the view.
65
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,880
Anyway, we'll all be home soon,
66
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,880
shut away in our own dark rooms,
67
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:54,960
being anti-social
like a normal family.
68
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,400
We're so late, thanks to your
shoddy navigational skills.
69
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,400
Well, Patrick won't mind.
70
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,720
It's Saturday, he'll be
having a lie-in, lucky bugger.
71
00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:08,840
I heard that. Remember where you
are and don't be so disrespectful.
72
00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,320
No!
73
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,400
He's not popped out
for a paper, has he?
74
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,680
Someone else has visited Patrick!
75
00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:21,320
How dare they? He was MY husband!
76
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:22,840
Maybe he was well-liked.
77
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:26,640
Don't be ridiculous, he was deeply
unpopular. And these are roses,
78
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,080
two dozen red roses.
79
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:33,720
These aren't from someone who
liked him, they're from a lover.
80
00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,200
He's been having an affair!
81
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:40,280
I think we can rule
out the neighbours.
82
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,960
"Always remembering, dearest."
83
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:45,840
Huh! No name, of course.
84
00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:49,800
The cowardly, cowardly cow!
85
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,120
Goal!
86
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,120
Sorry.
87
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:57,360
Liar! How could he? How could they?!
88
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,600
Stop it, Gran. Look, Diana,
calm down.
89
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,640
Why? Give me one good reason.
90
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,000
Well, this might not be his grave.
91
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,440
Jimmy, I'm furious, not senile.
92
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,440
Look, there it is, "Patrick Neal,
loving husband."
93
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,000
Huh! Not worth
the granite it's written on!
94
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:17,520
Look, look, there could be loads
95
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:17,520
of Patrick Neals with
the same date of birth.
96
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,440
And death. Come on, let's go.
97
00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:23,200
No! That's what he'd want. Oh, no,
I'm not leaving here before I...
98
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,240
Diana!
99
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:26,840
Come on, we're leaving.
100
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:29,520
No, I'm going to stay here
and keep watch.
101
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:43,120
I should have known, I should have
known he was too good to be true,
102
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:47,280
the lowlife, the no-good, rotten,
two-timing son of a b...
103
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,320
BIRD SQUAWKS
104
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,560
I've been barred from pubs and clubs
but I've never been
105
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,840
barred from a cemetery.
Where will I go when I die?
106
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:02,760
You can still come here,
with all the other dead beats.
107
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:05,200
They're not dead beats, Bobby.
108
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,960
They're students. Same thing.
109
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,120
All I know is, they sit
all night over one alcopop,
110
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:17,080
scare off the regulars
and empty the condom machines.
111
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,160
These students are our future.
112
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,200
Pss!
113
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:25,320
No, they are. Where else are we
gonna find the research scientists
and brain surgeons of tomorrow?
114
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:28,840
Well, not doing Basic
Business Studies at the tech.
115
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:32,800
Believe me, no good
ever came out of knowledge.
116
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,960
You said that quiz machine
paid for your new kitchen.
117
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:40,680
Oh, yes, but only because
nobody knows the answers.
118
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,720
Siobhan.
119
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:48,280
Hey, Jimmy. Who are your friends?
120
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:54,520
Oh, erm, that's Mick and the two
Mikes. They're my study buddies,
121
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:54,520
we're preparing for a seminar.
122
00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:56,120
Learned all the lingo, then!
123
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:59,360
Oh, yes, there was
a tutorial in Freshers' Week.
124
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:02,000
Right. So, you still up for tonight?
125
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,960
Oh, no, sorry, I can't,
I've got this essay crisis.
126
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,240
Essay crisis.
127
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:10,040
What's that, student speak for binge
drinking in the halls of residence?
128
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:12,680
I thought you were all for me
going back to college.
129
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:17,680
Yeah, I thought you'd have
more free time. Isn't that
130
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:17,680
the point, sitting around all day?
131
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:21,440
Well, that and dressing up
as a naughty nurse during Rag Week.
132
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:25,080
You wish! When I finish here I'm
gonna have to pull an all-nighter.
133
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,520
You've already
pulled an all-nighter.
134
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,440
Ha ha(!) Again, you wish.
135
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,920
I could help you
with your work. You?
136
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:33,760
I run a business!
137
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:40,000
Yeah, I know, I've seen your tax
return! Which is more than
the Inland Revenue have!
138
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:47,080
I couldn't handle my girlfriend
being pawed by all these students.
139
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:48,600
They're not pawing her, Kev.
140
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,720
Well, they're thinking about it,
they're intellectuals.
141
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,840
So many women, so many suspects.
142
00:07:56,840 --> 00:08:02,280
Ah! Here's a likely contender.
See the way she's looking at him?
143
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,640
Gran, that's the Queen
when he got his OBE.
144
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:10,800
Oh, yes. But she's still a woman,
145
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:10,800
she has needs.
146
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,160
This is no good.
I'm going to make some calls.
147
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:19,320
Well, you're no help.
Only when it comes to eating other
148
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:19,320
people's sentimental chocolates.
149
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,440
ALEX CHANGES THE CHANNEL
150
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,000
MOLLY CHANGES THE CHANNEL
151
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,320
ALEX CHANGES THE CHANNEL
152
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:26,720
MOLLY CHANGES THE CHANNEL
153
00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,040
ALEX CHANGES THE CHANNEL
154
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,240
Alex!
155
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,440
Dad! Hiya.
156
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,840
Is your gran around?
Oh, through there.
157
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,760
Alex has put the remote control
down his trousers.
158
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,960
Well, at least we'll know
where it is.
159
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,720
I wonder what else is on.
160
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,560
CHANNEL CHANGES
161
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:54,560
Stephanie? Hello, it's Diana.
Fine, how are you?
162
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:59,840
What about the osteoporosis? Yes.
And the grandchildren?
163
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,240
Mmm.
164
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,280
Tell me, did you
sleep with my husband?
165
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:05,800
Diana, no!
166
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,000
I'm so sorry about that,
she's gone mad.
167
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:12,720
Jimmy, she was on the verge
of telling me something.
Yeah, I'm sure she was!
168
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,920
I've got 32 more names to try.
How about we take 16 each?
169
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:21,200
No, look, I've got a better idea.
How about we have a little sit down
and a chat? You can't comfort me.
170
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,680
No, look. Listen. OK.
171
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:27,640
So maybe he had one tiny affair.
172
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:31,720
And look on the bright side.
He's dead!
173
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:34,400
It's not gonna happen again!
174
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,800
I was right, you can't comfort me.
175
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,320
KERFUFFLE IN LIVING ROOM
176
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,200
I can try.
177
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,920
Everyone has relationship
problems, even me and Siobhan.
178
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:48,000
You're bound to -
a) she's a strumpet
and b) she's too good for you.
179
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,560
Hey, I'm good enough for a strumpet.
180
00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:51,640
And she isn't one.
181
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:53,800
She's a student now.
182
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:56,960
The trouble is, I don't think
I fit in with that kind of...
183
00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:01,400
Oh, please! Whatever problems
you're having, you can
talk things through with her.
184
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:06,600
That's what I'd do if Patrick
was alive, but he isn't,
the selfish, selfish man!
185
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:15,560
Dad, I think you
need to talk to Molly.
186
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:18,680
You're right.
187
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:26,640
Siobhan just doesn't seem
to have time for me any more.
188
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,480
Since she started her course
she's always studying. Mmm.
189
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,720
What do you mean, "Mmm"?
190
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:36,960
Well, Dad, I'm always studying
but I still have plenty of time
191
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:36,960
for a love life.
192
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,600
Theoretically.
193
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:46,720
Good point. Yeah, thanks.
194
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,840
Yeah, I'm not just gonna accept
this. I'll talk to her again.
195
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:52,440
Erm, Dad, I really
need to talk about Alex.
196
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,480
Yeah, of course.
Gran's in the kitchen.
197
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,880
Ooh, Siobhan, have you got a minute?
198
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,760
Erm, oh, no, not really, erm...
199
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,560
Come on, students don't work
on a Saturday night.
200
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:12,360
You should be off chugging beers
201
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:12,360
at a toga party
with your frat boy friends.
202
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:16,600
You've been watching Animal House
again, haven't you? I don't need to.
203
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,040
I've seen it 16 times.
204
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,200
Look, I know students.
205
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:25,480
No, you don't, you know bad college
movies. Actually it's a classic...
206
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,480
Shut up. I've told you,
I've got this essay crisis.
207
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,200
And you're sure he's just
your study buddy?
208
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,320
Mike? Yeah, of course.
Don't you trust me?
209
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,600
Well, yeah, normally,
but, you know, the music,
the moonlight, the calculator,
210
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,600
the quarterly projections,
anyone can get carried away.
211
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,560
This is tough enough already.
212
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:49,520
Yes, all right, go on, then.
Don't work too late.
213
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:54,240
Oh, and if you get caught sneaking
a horse into the Dean's office,
don't come crying to me.
214
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,640
What? Animal House,
you really should see it!
215
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:02,120
Don't worry, I'll have your
daughter home by midnight.
216
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:11,400
Did you hear that?
That Mike fella said, "I'll have
your daughter home by midnight."
217
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:18,120
He never. Your Molly? No, Kev,
he thinks I'm Siobhan's dad.
218
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,600
Ah, now that makes more sense.
219
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,280
Just about says it all, doesn't it?
220
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,680
She's in a different league now,
221
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:30,680
the league of students.
222
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,960
I'm no good to her any more.
223
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:38,520
She's got her books, her Micks,
her Mikes, a shiny new future.
224
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:42,400
Apart from a discount on floor
tiles, what have I got to offer?
225
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,200
Oh, oh, I know, I know.
226
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,960
Nothing.
227
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:55,320
I'm not apologising to you.
228
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,640
Don't think I'm apologising to you.
229
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:07,280
Alex! What do you think
you're doing?
230
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:08,720
Get your feet off the sofa!
231
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,440
Dad!
232
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,720
Oh, hi, Molly.
233
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:19,600
You'd better get this place tidied
up before your gran comes round.
234
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:19,600
She's already here. What?
235
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:23,240
She's in there, but tread carefully,
Dad, she's gone completely tonto.
236
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:28,040
Oh, don't exaggerate. No, really.
Her shoes don't match her handbag.
237
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,640
OK, this is serious.
238
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,920
Have you seen
what's going on in there?
239
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:39,320
Yes. And aren't you gonna do
anything about it? You do it.
240
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,760
You're the scary one!
241
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,440
Sorry, Jimmy, I'm busy.
242
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:49,840
I've been trying to decode Patrick's
diaries. I've got up to August 1978.
243
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:53,280
Oh, Diana!
What do you think this really means?
244
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,240
"Walked the long way
to the newsagents,
245
00:13:56,240 --> 00:14:01,560
bought the Telegraph and a packet
of Victory Vs, said hello to Roy."
246
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:08,440
Well, from what I can remember
of my training at Bletchley Park,
247
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:11,800
I think it means he walked
the long way to the newsagents,
248
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:16,160
bought the Telegraph and a packet of
Victory Vs, then said hello to Roy.
249
00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:17,960
Surely not.
250
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,840
Well, what about this?
251
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,680
"Opened a new tin of brass polish."
252
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:30,480
I don't think that's code
either, Diana. You always had
very shiny candlesticks.
253
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:34,680
This can't all be for real.
Is anyone actually that boring?
254
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:38,160
Yes, Patrick was.
Really, really boring.
255
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:42,240
You're only saying that to
make me feel better, but I don't.
256
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,160
I've got to get to
the bottom of this.
257
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:48,560
No, Diana, what you've got to do
258
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:48,560
is let it go. It's beginning to
affect your shoes.
259
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,840
Just leave me alone, will you?
260
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,360
No, I won't. This family needs you.
261
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,040
Huh! The family? What's the point?
262
00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:01,800
It now seems my whole
wonderful family life with Patrick
was just an empty sham.
263
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:05,520
But you were happy at the time,
weren't you? That's irrelevant.
264
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:10,560
I need to know the truth. Oh, what
is it with you women and the truth?
265
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:14,000
Don't help. The only thing you're
good at is making things worse.
266
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,000
Oh, is that right?
267
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,480
Well, yeah, it probably is.
268
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:28,840
Sorry.
269
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,240
If there's no name on it,
I can't help you.
270
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:35,360
No, look, this woman bought two
dozen red roses in here yesterday.
271
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:39,440
Do you have any idea how many
bouquets like that we sold yesterday?
272
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:42,680
One?
273
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:46,160
Yes, it was one.
274
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:53,520
So, who was it? I am not at liberty
to divulge the confidential
personal details of my clientele.
275
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:59,400
Why not? Oh, don't tell me,
it would contravene the florist's
sacred oath of silence!
276
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,400
Exactly.
277
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:02,560
Would it?
278
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:10,080
So, is there anything I can do
to make you break that oath? No.
279
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,080
What if I bought that?
280
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:16,400
All right, fine.
281
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:20,000
What about these?
282
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:23,760
Fine.
283
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,440
What then?
284
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,240
What's the story behind this,
anyway?
285
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,960
Florist's nightmare.
He pulled through.
286
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:48,960
You've been looking at that paper
for hours. What is it, a Sudoku?
287
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,920
I did one of them once.
288
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,520
The answer's 9.
289
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,600
Or 8. Or 1.
290
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,920
Or 6. Or 5.
291
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,800
Kev, shut up.
292
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,440
It's the address of this woman.
293
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,440
Wahey! Not like that.
294
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,320
Wahoo.
295
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:09,960
Jimmy, what is it?
296
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:14,760
This is the address
of a woman brave enough
to sleep with Diana's husband.
297
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:19,320
Now, in normal circumstances
it would be worth
its weight in gold, but now
298
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:22,880
I don't know whether to burn it
or rub her nose in it.
299
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,160
Just give it to her
and let her deal with it.
300
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,280
Then I'd be an accessory to murder.
301
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,880
You wouldn't like Diana
when she's angry, Bobby.
302
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,880
I dunno. What would she be wearing?
303
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:40,080
I'm gonna have to tell her,
aren't I? Yeah, it's a no-brainer.
Well, you should know.
304
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:43,200
Oh well, better get it over with.
305
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:50,040
Hi, Jimmy. Oh, Siobhan, are you
free for dinner tonight
or are you tidying your pencil case?
306
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:53,080
Thanks for demeaning me,
but I have to start a new module.
307
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,200
Oh. And how many hairy young
men do you need to help you?
308
00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:00,320
Sorry, what are you talking about?
Well, "starting work
on a new module"
309
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,520
sounds like student talk for,
"I'm working late at the office."
310
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:08,160
Jimmy, you're getting paranoid.
311
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:08,160
Hey, Shivvy! Ah, Shivvy!
312
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:12,760
So, ready to get to grips
313
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:12,760
with Advanced Purchasing Systems
Stage One?
314
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,040
Ready as I'll ever be!
315
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:17,440
Are you sure that's all we're
going to be getting to grips with?
316
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:21,240
Excuse me? Er, Jimmy,
let me introduce you to Rick...
317
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,160
Oh, Rick. Rick, is it? Yeah.
318
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:26,880
Well, let me tell you something,
Rick. Why don't you clear off
319
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:31,720
and mess with some other
woman's modules? Get my drift, Rick?
320
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:34,200
Rick is my tutor.
321
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:39,160
Oh, right! Oh, tutor!
322
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:43,240
Tutor as in, erm...? As in
323
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:43,240
the person who marks all my work.
324
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:44,280
OK, right.
325
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,120
Tell you what,
here's 50 quid, give her an A.
326
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:59,560
A-ha! Dinner for two
at the Connaught. But that was
our restaurant!
327
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:01,520
And on our anniversary!
328
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,440
Oh, OK, I'll give him that.
329
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,480
There must be something
330
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,480
in this little lot. ALEX: Molly!
331
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,360
If anyone asks,
I haven't been near the scissors.
332
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:11,600
Ssh!
333
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,040
Have you been in my wardrobe?
334
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:20,480
No. Then how do you explain this?
335
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,640
Moths.
336
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:26,440
I'm gonna get you for this. It's only
337
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:26,440
fair, you trapped me under the sofa.
338
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:30,520
You poured water over me.
You ate my chocolates.
339
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:30,520
You ruined my fifth birthday.
340
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:36,040
You cut the hair off my Barbie. You
341
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:36,040
stopped me from being an only child.
I would have been spoilt without you.
342
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,640
Instead of just being a git?
343
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:43,040
Molly, Alex. Oh, at last.
Are you gonna tell us off now, Gran?
344
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:47,920
So, you're sick of all this
ballyhoo? If we don't buck our ideas
up you'll bang our heads together?
345
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,040
No, I want you both to just go away
and let me brood in peace.
346
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,000
OK. Well, I'm watching you.
347
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,160
You touch my clothes again,
you'll be in trouble.
348
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,280
Ah, Diana, sit down.
I've got something to tell you.
349
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:14,880
I don't want to sit down.
I think I've found out who put
the flowers on Patrick's grave.
350
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,080
First let me sit down.
351
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:21,160
I, er, got
her address from the florist.
352
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,360
Do you want it? Give it to me.
353
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,520
No, don't. I don't want to know.
354
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,360
Yes, I do. No, I don't.
355
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:31,360
At least tell me the postcode.
356
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:34,720
No, don't. Is it a nice area?
357
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:38,800
I don't know. Oh, you're useless.
358
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:43,760
Oh, well, if I'm so useless,
I'll just leave you to it.
Oh, no, I'm sorry, Jimmy, please.
359
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:47,000
I can't go, I can't face her.
360
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,720
Well, then let's just forget
all about it. But I need to know.
361
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,520
Could you do it for me. Me?
362
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:57,360
Well, you started this.
No, I didn't, Patrick did!
363
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,040
It's not often people want to
come and talk to me about Patrick.
364
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:06,800
Were you a friend?
365
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,120
Well, who wasn't, eh, Sheila?
366
00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:11,680
True, true.
367
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,840
What a lovely man.
368
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,480
How long were you and he...?
369
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,480
Together?
370
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:18,240
23 years.
371
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,240
Bloody hell!
372
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,600
I know, it's quite an achievement,
373
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:27,720
but he was a one-off, a gentleman.
374
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,200
Very proper.
375
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,280
He gave me a proper seeing to,
anyway!
376
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:42,280
Patrick?
377
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:42,280
It was very, very physical, dear.
378
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:45,840
Hey, he was something of a virtuoso
in that department.
379
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:52,200
An extremely inventive lover.
Do you get my drift?
380
00:21:53,880 --> 00:22:00,800
Yes, there isn't a surface in this
house where we didn't... You know.
381
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,200
Jammie Dodger.
You're not kidding.
382
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:12,280
Oh, erm, no, thank you.
383
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:18,320
Yeah, he was special.
That's why I put roses on his grave
every single week.
384
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,640
Well, that's not bad. Diana
can only manage it once a year.
385
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,360
Diana? Who's Diana?
386
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,560
I'm sorry, I thought
you must have known.
387
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,720
Patrick had a wife.
388
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,760
Of course he did, it was me.
389
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,560
You were married to him too?
390
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:39,080
Too? What do you mean, too?
391
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:48,280
Alex! Yeees?
392
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,840
What has happened
to all my furniture?
393
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:53,160
I don't know.
394
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:55,680
Moths?
395
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:03,880
No, no,
my husband was Patrick Davis.
396
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,400
Not Patrick Neal? No, dear.
397
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,520
And you're sure?
398
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,680
I'm sorry, of course you are.
399
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,760
Well, thank God
for that, two Patricks.
400
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,720
Yes, but it means mine
didn't get his flowers, did he?
401
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,560
No. Why did you put them
on the wrong grave?
402
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:21,400
I didn't.
403
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,760
What? It was my son-in-law.
404
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:30,960
You see, after I bought the roses
yesterday morning, I felt ill, so I
asked him to take them over for me.
405
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,720
Oh, he must have just slung them on
the first grave he saw with Patrick
406
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:39,120
written on the headstone. Most
407
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:39,120
probably in a rush to get to the pub.
408
00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:42,040
That's son-in-laws for you, useless.
409
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:45,040
Well... Useless.
Well... All of them.
410
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,680
Perhaps he was just... Morons.
411
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,000
Diana?
412
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,560
I can't wait to see your face.
413
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:57,280
That's not your face.
414
00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:02,120
Hello, Jimmy. Hi. Shouldn't you
be watching Countdown
with all the other students?
415
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:05,720
Ha ha(!) I've just come
to congratulate you on
what you said to Rick.
416
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:11,160
I've never been so embarrassed
in my life, and as your girlfriend
that's saying a lot. Oh, that.
417
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:12,960
Well, I was just trying to help.
418
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,760
Erm, by bribing my tutor?
419
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,360
Well, how else are you
gonna get top marks?
420
00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:21,920
Oh! This is making me
feel so much better(!)
421
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:23,920
Look, I meant well.
422
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:28,120
OK, it was a panic bribe,
but it was from the heart.
423
00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:30,800
Siobhan, I just feel like
I'm losing you.
424
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,160
It's like you're moving
out of my league.
425
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:38,160
Jimmy, I've always been out of
your league. But I've still
stuck with you, haven't I?
426
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,280
I think that's making me
feel better(!)
427
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:41,920
Oh, it's you, you, you, isn't it?
428
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:45,400
You will lose me if you carry on
behaving like a self-centred idiot.
429
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,000
I assume we're talking about a man?
430
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,920
Hello, Diana. This isn't over.
431
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,360
Diana, I've got some news.
432
00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:55,760
Wait a minute.
433
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,920
OK, I'm ready. Tell me the worst.
I've got to know, however sordid.
434
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:04,480
Actually, I might just stay
a little bit longer.
435
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,840
I went to Sheila's house.
436
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:11,080
Sheila?! I might have known
it would be a Sheila.
437
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:14,160
Well, it turns out her
husband was called Patrick, too.
438
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:18,560
Good God, how many Patricks does
439
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:18,560
the woman need, the greedy cow?
440
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,480
Just the one. You see, she had
nothing to do with your husband.
441
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,000
But the roses.
442
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,280
Were meant for Sheila's husband.
443
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:29,760
She was too ill to take
them so she asked her...
444
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:34,520
a relative to do it for her
and he put them on the wrong grave.
445
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,080
The wrong grave!
446
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,040
The flowers weren't for my Patrick?
447
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:41,760
No. Isn't that great? Yes!
448
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:45,960
This relative was her
son-in-law, wasn't he?
449
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:49,240
No! No, no! What makes you say that?
450
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:51,760
Yes, it was.
451
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,440
Anyway, thank you very much, Jimmy.
452
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:56,680
Happy to help.
453
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:58,280
See, I do have my uses.
454
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:02,160
Of course, I knew it all along. You
can't fake what Patrick and I had.
455
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,000
Well, exactly. And who'd want to?
456
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:11,560
My God! Brown shoes with a black
bag? What was I thinking?!
457
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:19,040
Molly, Alex, stop it at once!
458
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,200
I'm sick of all this ballyhoo.
459
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:25,920
If you don't buck up your ideas,
the pair of you, I'm going to
460
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:25,920
bang your silly heads together.
461
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:29,920
Gran, at last you're back!
You'd better believe it.
462
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:35,040
That was all we needed to hear. Good.
463
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:35,040
Now, if you'll excuse me I must
go back and apologise to Patrick.
464
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,200
JIMMY: Make sure
you get the right one.
465
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:42,160
What?
466
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:45,920
That was so lovely of you, Jimmy.
What was?
467
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:50,000
What you said to Diana about that
woman. No, that was just the truth.
468
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:55,920
Yeah, right! The two Patricks, the
idiot son-in-law? Give me a break.
469
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:55,920
No, really, Siobhan, I'm telling...
470
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:59,320
It's fine,
it's just a little white lie.
471
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:05,760
This shows a very caring
side to you, Jimmy Venables.
How about dinner tonight?
472
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:12,840
Well, what's a little white lie
when you're as sensitive
and helpful as I am, eh?
473
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,360
Erm, did you two have
a problem earlier?
474
00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:19,960
Oh, it's fine now, Dad.
475
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,720
No, go on, tell me.
Yeah, we've sorted it.
476
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,000
No, I can help.
I can help, I'm on a roll.
477
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,040
Er... OK then.
478
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:33,120
We were just wondering what size
screws you'd need for a...
479
00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:35,400
A nine-inch shelf.
480
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:40,080
Nine-inch depth shelf - erm, number
six two-inch countersunk head, there
481
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:40,080
you go.
482
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:41,960
Great. Thanks, Dad.
483
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,680
Hey, no, no, I'm happy to help, OK?
484
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:46,800
When you're on a roll,
you're on a roll.
485
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,440
Molly, what's your bed doing
in the front garden?
486
00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:54,640
Moths.
487
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,720
SIOBHAN: Jimmy you shouldn't have.
JIMMY: It was no trouble.
488
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,240
You're so sweet and thoughtful.
489
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:08,160
And extravagant.
Well, that's me, babe.
490
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,960
No, it was the least I could do
to make it up to you.
491
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,480
Just one thing, Jimmy.
492
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:19,600
Erm, what does the G stand for?
493
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:23,720
Girlfriend.
494
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:30,800
# After you've gone
and left me crying
495
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:35,000
# After you've gone,
there's no denying
496
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:39,160
# Some day, when you grow lonely
497
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:43,560
# Your heart will break like mine
for you'll want me only
498
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:49,480
# After you've gone,
after you've gone away. #
499
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,600
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
500
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:53,640
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
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